For a long time , most of my life, I have loved God. As I have matured and learned so much about matters of organic energy and matters of the spirit I have learned through personal experience how important it is to have s personal relationship. A relationship no one outside of myself can define. No book or written word. Sometimes just the sound of aspen leaves blowing in the wind. Always present. Recently I made a choice I had been straddling the fence about for many years. I decided to surrender my soul to Jesus Christ….not in the book but the one I have come to know through a personal relationship. In the sky, God and the Earth my mother…our shared mother and once they made a son. I don’t believe he left such is not the way of this system as I understand it. Too many words. Human beings trying to make sense of things as they had understanding at the time. Words of the time that have changed in ours. So many translations. So many individual perceptions. We are in the one circle. Sometimes mythology is our only comfort in times of great loss and confusion.
Hello to you. How has your today been? I’m writing another post today because tomorrow I have plans. The weather has been really beautiful today so Link and I got out in it. A lot has happened today both happy and sad. I found out a composer I have enjoyed for so long named Vangelis died today. He is responsible for the amazing music in my favorite science fiction movie Blade Runner:
One of my favorite scenes from Blade Runner is at the end. Now deceased actor Rutger Hauer was amazing. I cried watching and listening to this:
A mantra I came up with for myself a couple years ago has been on my mind again. It has to do with overly worrying about what is going on around me and the world – specifically what other people are or are not doing….thinking…. feeling. Lately I have had to remind myself that it doesn’t matter what others are doing, thinking or feeling. What matters is what I am feeling, thinking and doing. It’s not that I don’t care….that I shouldn’t care about others. It’s just important to realize when that caring about others compromises by own peace of mind and well being! When I realize I have been compromised I have to “let God” on the person or the situation. It’s a good time for prayer and letting go which can be almost impossible depending on what is going on.
When I look at people in the world I live in, I often remind myself that every single life on earth is in the process of writing their story. Sometimes the stories of others don’t make a darn bit of sense to us as mere observers but it is understood by God.
Part of mindfulness is paying attention to what is going on with yourself before you peer into the lives of others.
An acronym I learned in AA and shared here many blogs ago is HALT. This acronym is to help you do self examination before blaming or judging others for how you are feeling. H=hungry A=angry L=lonely and T=tired. There is a good chance if you are experiencing any or more than one of these things at a time you are not going to be in a positive state of mind. Sometimes your restlessness and dissatisfaction with life can be easily solved by dealing with these basic things. Look inside first and then look outside yourself when you are overcome by your world. With practice it will become second nature. Part of the inward looking, at least for me, includes talking to God about what’s going on!
Anyhew…..hopefully something in my words is for you. If not, may be in the images and explorings today:
Today I was thinking about my ex and a cd of music he had put together. There was a song off of it that was stuck in my head! Ever have that happen?! Well I searched and searched and finally just texted and asked him if he knew and of course he did! Music is one of his…our things:
Hello to you. How are you? It’s Saturday and overcast. The sun is peaking out a little bit. Yesterday was nice. I went to breakfast at the Sunrise Cafe and was blessed – a couple that were in there with me paid for my breakfast! I was really touched by that. I got a couple walks in with Link. It was during the evening walk I snapped the pictures of this Willow tree down the street. I just love it! This neighborhood has some lovely mature trees.
The message in A Woman’s Spirit is really good. It reminds us that we can’t control or change the past or future. What we can control about ourselves is right now. We are not powerless in our present moment.
A Woman’s Spirit message for today:
With one foot in the past and the other in the future, how can we possibly know what new path we might follow today? -Jan Pishok
Now is all there is. But how often, really, are our minds in the present? Honestly, aren’t we much more focused on what just happened or what we fear will happen in the next hour or day or year? Being here, now, means giving up the past absolutely. It also means relinquishing all thoughts about the future. Occupying our minds with the experience of this instant only seems hard to do. We’re far more used to greater chaos than what we experience solely in the here as now.
We have a direction that’s right for us. Unfortunately, we miss the road signs because we are still looking over our shoulder at what we passed yesterday. The destiny we need, needs us too. Quietly focusing on our lives , one moment at a time, can assure us of fulfilling it.
Letting go of the noise I carry in my mind changes my life. I can feel and acknowledge what’s here when my mind is open.
It’s important to remember that we can’t change the past. We can learn from the past but we can’t change it. Working on staying mindful in our present can leave a better past behind us.
Hello there how are you? Hopefully good as you visit me here. Thank you in advance for taking the time to come by and read. I am settling down after a nice walk and talk with my therapist .
So the topic that came to mind today was thinking about what I used to do that made me happy and or occupied my time. There were a whole bunch of things like doing chalk drawings outside, writing, drawing and making copper wire jewelry and or wire trees. Sometimes there was crocheting and or knitting. Sometimes there was singing and dancing. Sometimes there was watching videos on Youtube and or binge watching shows on Netflix. Only a handful of these activities have felt remotely “right” to do in this new life I am living in. A lot of the reason I have stopped doing things is for fear they would trigger another manic episode.
My counselor and I talked today and one of the subjects we touched on was mindfulness. I told her I often struggle with being able to stay in the moment. She gave an example of the difference. It was being on a walk and seeing a tree and being able to describe the tree with specific details instead of just saying “there is a tree.”
I miss my trees back in Alvarado. I haven’t really gotten to know the tree here in the same way I did there. I wish I had taken some seeds from the oak tree, Yolie, in the front yard,
“mindfulness” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 (one yes, no may be all vices in check but one 36= child)
“one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (one left side brain light and shadow self process 42=self)
“one four two ” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (one all senses light and shadow self process)
one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes no may be right side of the brain 134=information)
“one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all senses person place and or object 150=communication )
“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one left side of the brain person, place and or object 40=food)
“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all senses in eternity and or race track of life)
“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow process of self all senses)
“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (pattern repeats)
Hello to you. How are you doing today? I’m finding myself in a better place this morning. I feel grateful to be making it to another day in the circumstances I find myself in. I am trying to remain grateful.
Last night I had another battle with anxiety. What happens is I start thinking too far ahead or ruminating on all the uncertainties in front of me and things I can’t control. Then I start to get that extremely uncomfortable anxious feeling in my gut. Relief has come from physical exertion and doing normal things. I am having to relearn what normal things are for myself right now. I find there are a lot of things I used to do that I just can’t bring myself to do right now.
I really feel like I am really having a test in my life right now with the concept of mindfulness. That concept of staying in the present moment.
I am having to ask myself internally a lot, “what can you do about it and if the answer is nothing right now why are you dwelling on it?” Something my husband used to do for me and now I’m having to do for myself is to remind myself that worrying about things doesn’t do any good. It’s usually easier said than done he’s right.
The pandemic is still here in Texas but they have really started to lift restrictions so places can open back up. I went to get groceries yesterday at our local Brookshire’s and some of the shelves were cleared out! One of the biggest areas that was cleared was the aisle with cleaning supplies – nothing but concentrated Clorox for example. I can tell they are having trouble keeping some things stocked up right now. I’m just grateful to be able to get the basics right now.
Well I hope however this blog finds you that you are well. Everybody is telling me that I’m strong and that I will get through all that’s going on. I’m just learning to take a few steps at a time and having a lot of faith.