5 December 2021 Sunday

Hello to you! How are you? I’m doing ok. I decided to take a break from the videos this morning and just write and draw. We have sunshine! So happy about that! I will have to get Link out for a walk later.

The drawing today is a combination of a bunch of things! I’m being told intuitively that the man isn’t Deegan this time. I have always thought of Jesus as having a skeleton key to all doors to include those within peoples hearts. What do you see in this drawing?

I was curious to see if keys are mentioned in the Bible and there are a couple references one of which is Matthew 16:19 “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven;” and then the other is in Revelations 20:1 And I saw an Angel coming down out of heaven, having the key to the Abyss and holding in his hand a great chain.

A lot to think about.

It’s almost time to get another sketchbook or try color again. I have a sketchbook my Aunt bought for me awhile ago that you use colored markers with. Things don’t flow as confidentially when I use color. I’m always afraid I will make a mistake !

I raked a little more this morning. The leaves are all wet and heavy and there is Link “presents.” I don’t have any work gloves to pick the stuff up. I’ll get it figured out. I miss the Alvarado house sometimes – having a garage and all the tools I needed.

Not much else from here. I hope your having a nice day.

18 November 2021 Progress Not Perfection

Hello to you. How are you? I’m sitting here with my coffee and Link….so grateful to write to you today! Even though it’s overcast and gray there is light inside. Sometimes you have to generate light for yourself even if you are surrounded by darkness.

Progress not perfection…….baby steps. Last night my friend reminded me how far I’ve come in just a short time. We went from buying an insect ridden drum, starting a Meetup Group, going to a Meetup Group and ended up making a friend and then starting to drive more all in just a couple of months! Gradually a life is unfolding for me here.

I attribute my progress to God, my family and friends. I asked God….I continue to ask God and I continue to be heard. This passage speaks to me of the times I didn’t ask and tried to do it on my own:

James 4:2New International Version

2 You desire but do not have, so you kill.(A) You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.

The way things are right now. Sometimes it’s confusing to know which door to walk through next. I have help. If it ain’t light (in my chest) it ain’t right!

9 November 2021 Company

My handiwork and Gods this afternoon

Hi. It’s 6:42 pm in my world and it’s already dark ! I wasn’t going to write to you again today but here I am. Thank you for being some company for me! I don’t know if it’s like this for you, but when I write it’s like visiting with a friend. It helps me feel less lonely.

“My only friend what have I left undone? What path have I left untread under a fading sun. Who have I wronged and left outcast..this life or those of my past. Oh Lord why do I feel incomplete? My head heart and hands disconnected from my feet. I pray you will leave me bread crumbs made of stars….lead me, guide me, make me whole again even with all these scars. Let your light shine in my darkness….my alone. Return my innermost to what I have known. Complete your work in me no stone left unturned. Let me be a beacon of all that you have learned. No more days of feeling abandoned and cast out. Show me Lord what this has all been about.”

Do you ever feel that feeling? What is this all for? Everything you have been through was it random or some elaborate strategy game for God(s) to play? Are we just playthings of chance? I want to believe there is a grand design to all of this. I don’t want to believe it’s just some abandoned divine chemistry experiment.

Hopefully something here resonates. I think all of us travelers get weary sometimes. Some days make perfect nonsense….WHY?!!!! There usually will be an answer but it seems like sometimes we are never going to truly know. May be it’s just too much more than we can handle. Like the Jack Nicholson quote from the movie A Few Good Men “You can’t handle the truth!!!! “

I will close for now. Thank you for your company ! I’d love to hear from you on what I’ve discussed here if you have the time .

24 October 2021 Sunday

Hello there! How are you? As I write to you it’s gray and wet. We are getting some much needed rain. I took some extra Vitamin D this morning to help out with SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I just want to hibernate like a big ol grizzly when the seasons change. It’s dark by 7 pm right now and the lights don’t really come back on til around 8 am!

So I’m hoping my drum arrives today. A friend of mine said his Amazon delivery hasn’t showed up . It was supposed to be at his place yesterday. I imagine this is the supply chain problem?!! It would be nice if they let people know there was a delay! A positive side to the delay is it gives me more time to think about things!

I had trouble falling asleep last night. I kept hearing drums in my head! I kept imagining the lawn chairs on my porch being filled with people playing a drum or some other musical instrument . Then my thoughts got bigger. They expanded out to seeing a group of people meeting at one of our local parks. I could see a community of like minded souls praising God together outside or inside if there was a place to do it.

“Start small. If you grow too big too fast you’ll fall.”

Is this a God thing? When your someone like me you have to be careful that passions aren’t just mania manifesting itself. I don’t want to plant this seed, in this case put money down to start a Meetup Group, and then lose interest. Judging by the fact there aren’t any groups for Middleton I’m nervous that I’m not going to reach the people here. I guess this is a time for faith. A belief in what can’t be seen. If this is God at work I have nothing to worry about and just have to practice what I preach! Patience!!

2 October 2021 Dream

Hello. How are you today so far ? It’s 7:13 am as I write. It’s still dark and it’s cold. I don’t want to get out of bed. I had one of those dreams that you wake up from and your heart aches.

I dreamt about my cat Amber and the family dog Spot. It hurt so much I had to turn to Jesus and now I want to cry .

I don’t know what to do with attachment . I get so attached to the people and animals in my life . In Buddhism attachment leads to suffering . This is so true! How do I live this life without getting too attached? Without suffering?

As I said I turned to Jesus this morning and the message was. “Write .” So I’m writing! That’s the nice thing about this blog is you can write as much or as little as you want. I will probably write more later! It’s just what I need right now . Writing for me is therapy !

So why Jesus ? Why turn to Jesus when I had a dream that was so close to my hearts desire ? To be reunited with lost pets ? Because I actually feel something. When I say or think that name I feel comforted. There is a warmth that comes like a filling up inside. I don’t feel so alone. I feel like I can handle what I’m facing a little better. It’s like calling on an old friend that seems to always be there waiting to help !

All this because of a dream. Is it a coincidence? God works in mysterious ways ! Perhaps this is a gentle reminder to not lose my faith ? Perhaps in writing this I am helping someone else not lose their faith either ? So much happens in this world that doesn’t make any sense. All these pieces of an intricate puzzle finding their place.

Sometimes it’s all you can do is hold on and hope your own light doesn’t go out. It can be so easy to lose your faith if it’s grounded in this world. This world slips away so easily. You need something to hold on to that won’t go away like people and pets do . Is that why people hold on to the Bible and other sacred text? It would make sense ! You can call on Jesus any time day or night and he doesn’t charge you for an office visit !

I need to get my butt out of bed. Thank you for your company. Like I said I’ll probably be back a little later!

31 August 2021 Gathered

Hello to you. How are you ? I am doing pretty good this morning . I did something different and really enjoyed it . Today I’m thinking of the Bible passage New International Version
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” My Aunt invited me to a short Bible study today with one of her dear friends. There was just the three of us .

It really felt good to talk about God and read from psalms (psalm 145) which is the last psalm written by David and psalm 104 which was our hostesses favorite. It felt nice to get out of the house and spend some time with a couple of women who truly love God and have a strong testimony in how God has worked on their lives.

I honestly didn’t want it to end! My drawing today is symbolic of what we did today .

5 April 2021 Truth

Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing ok.

Today’s journey in the Bible lead me here:

Prophecy of Scripture 2 Peter 12-21

12 So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. 13 I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, 14 because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. 15 And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.

16 For we did not follow cleverly devised stories when we told you about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ in power, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17 He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”[b] 18 We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.

19 We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. 20 Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation of things. 21 For prophecy never had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

This is an important passage for someone like me who sometimes has doubts. What is the truth? Is this a first hand account? Perhaps it comes down to belief. Does it matter whether or not it’s a first hand account if it’s the word of God? My personal truth is it’s lonely being a doubter……having unbelief . A good friend of mine has suggested I ask God to show me the truth.

Sometimes I can get my inner “zoo” quiet enough to hear a voice of reason inside. Like just now, “Have faith, everything will make sense. I will guide you there is no need to feel anxious.” What is the source of this voice inside? Is it the Holy Spirit or just my brain trying to get me to calm down? I guess it comes down to what I want to believe again doesn’t it?!

I have had dealings with the truth of the Holy Spirit before. It was back in 2001 a whole sequence of events happened after I went to a mega church service in Melbourne Florida. The message was about the Holy Spirit being an actual entity. I was sitting in my sun porch in base housing after drinking heavily again. I was tired of being drunk again and under my breath I said , “Holy Spirit I surrender.” Well that next day the Holy Spirit and his divine timing began. I was going to ride my bike to work like I normally do and the chain just fell off the bike! I had to put it back on and my hands got all oily. Well I got cleaned up and was riding the path I normally take by the 45th Intelligence Squadron and a Transam came racing up on me and almost hit me! I was very shaken. Then I got to work and found out I had an annual physical exam so I had to ride my bike again. I was given a questionnaire and one of the questions talked about my alcohol usage and I decided to be honest. I was drinking too much to cope with my life and within a couple days I was on a plane to Maryland into a treatment facility! It turned out to be exactly what I needed even if I didn’t think so at first. I whispered for divine help and I got it.

I think this passage is true:

Matthew 17:20
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Not all of life’s experiences are dramatic as what I shared but they do bear witness to the power and truth of God in our daily lives.

balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

if you have faith as small as a mustard seed” in the English Ordinal system equals 383 (yes, no, may be for eternity yes, no may be existence)

17 March 2021 Quiet Faith

Hello, how are you ? It’s a beautiful day so far. I got Link out for his morning walk and that was good for me too!

Do you ever have mornings where you want to hear from God and all you get is is either silence or random noise? That happened to me today. So I turned to that little book from my Aunt, Bible Promises for You and found this:

Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Sometimes I think God’s voice is in the silence and that’s when we have to really call on our Faith.

I am trying to write every day and that has proven to be challenging. I keep wanting to hear from God in a big bold way and God doesn’t always work that way! God sometimes doesn’t speak at all. Sometimes silence is where you find the message .

body ” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

planet. ” in the English Ordinal system equals 68

Sometimes silence is where you find the message . ” in the English Ordinal system equals 468

12 March 2021 Wisdom

Hi there! How are you in your where and when as you visit me here? I hope you are well. I am doing well. Last night my friend came by after work and we were treated to not one but three waves of migrating birds like the ones I had written about seeing in the morning! We think they are snow geese and it was amazing! She hadn’t see anything like that before!

We talked for quite awhile. Part of what we talked about was faith. I have been having a stumbling block about Jesus Christ being my one and only savior. She’s been patient with me and we read some scripture she referred to as the “Roman Road.” I am so grateful to have a dear friend helping me along on this journey I am on. Someone to help me with this seeking I am doing for God’s will in my life.

Well before bed I was praying and God put it on my mind to read Proverbs 2 2-3. I didn’t immediately leap out of bed and read it but remembered this morning to read it. As I read it I found it was perfect:

My son, if you accept my words
    and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom
    and applying your heart to understanding—
indeed, if you call out for insight
    and cry aloud for understanding,

and if you look for it as for silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;

balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38 (yes,no, may be in eternity)

wisdom” in the English Ordinal system equals 83

understanding ” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one senses unknown person, place or thing)

Yesterday I figured out something I can do while I wait for a specific call from God was pray for other people. My Aunt shared her list with me so I have a good start.

23 Feb 2021 Belief and Faith

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I am having a pretty quiet day. The sun is out and it’s a beautiful day here. I am reading books again and revisited a book that I have read several times before by Shakti Gawain called Creative Visualization. A lot of the principles she outlines in her book about manifesting the reality you want to live in requires, in my opinion, belief and faith. Sometimes you have to suspend disbelief to get to belief! Faith is believing without seeing .

In revisiting this book I am trying to feed myself intangible food that can help me kick the depression aka “funk” I have been in for so long now. Some of the exercises in the book talk about making positive affirmations for example: “God lives within me and manifests in the world through me” pg 50 Affirmations are one of the most important elements of creative visualization. To affirm means “to make firm.” An affirmation is a strong, positive statement that is already so. It is a way of “making firm” that which you are imaging. pg 42

I have been trying to come up with my own affirmations and the only one that I have come up with so far is “he is on his way.” In context it’s me wanting to manifest a new partner in my reality when God shows me I’m ready. I can remember when I grieved losing my cocker spaniel Sam. Three years I begged God to bring him back to me and he answered my prayers with Link. God answers my prayers when it’s divinely time not on my calendar . It could be three minutes, three days, three months and or three years I have to wait before I’m ready to be in relationship with someone again. The focus right now is my getting healthy enough to be able to even consider being in relationship with another person.

So I am having to have belief and faith that my affirmation has the power of a prayer and will be answered. A couple affirmations: “I believe everything is alright now.” and “I have faith in God.”

balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

I have faith in God ” in the English Ordinal system equals 138