17 June 2021 New Beginnings

Hello to you, how are you as I write to you from here? I hope this finds you well. I am in the midst of new beginnings. I have met someone really sweet and really kind and we are trying to navigate the modern dating world…what’s next?!!

Something that is making it hard for us to move forward is we are both grieving our last relationships. He was married 33 years and his wife died and I was married 12 plus years and my husband left me. So we are navigating what all this means together . We realllly like each other so may be that’s enough for now !

Self ” in the English Ordinal system equals 42

New beginnings ” in the English Ordinal system equals 142. (One left brain light and shadow process)

9 June 2021 First Meeting

Hello to you. How are you as you meet me here? I have something exciting happening today . I made a friend on a dating app called Tinder and we are meeting for the first time today . We are both nervous and excited which is natural ! It’s been awhile since I have met anyone like this and I’m hoping for the best . I don’t want to invest too much excitement because that will jinx our chances at success! It has to be just right !

First meeting in English ordinal system equals 145 – one left brain all the senses experience

13 May 2021 Cheated

Hello and how are you? I am feeling kind of sad. I thought I made a connection with someone and then they asked me for money ! This is the inherent problem of online dating. So now I’m back to square one . God must know I don’t want to be alone and I have to have faith that not just anyone will do !

7 May 2021 Roses

Hello to you how are you today? I am doing well! I got a beautiful surprise from my new friend today ….beautiful looking and smelling red roses !

Roses received today

Roses equals 76 in the English ordinal system ( all vices in check combined with all vices in check but one )

5 April 2021 Together

Hello, how are you? It’s Wednesday afternoon as I write to you . It has been awhile again since I’ve written. The words don’t come to me as easily as they once did !

What’s on my mind right now is the word together. I have a special someone the word applies to . He and I will be meeting soon and the mystery of our separateness will be over . I am hoping that all the wonderful he appears to be in text will be translated to the flesh when we actually meet !

Let’s see what together is in the numbers:

Together in English ordinal system is 98 (no for eternity ) being together for eternity is a fallacy . We want to be together forever but forever is a very long time . So it is best to take it one day at a time.

Competition

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I’m doing ok just kind of in a holding pattern to hear whether or not the offer I put down on a house is enough. I am living in a state where it almost seems like people are walking the streets with fists full of cash on a giant Monopoly board.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it is a fair competition. From what we are being told a lot of people are leaving California and coming here. I can’t really say too much as I am a transplant from Texas. Some of the similar things that are happening here were happing in Texas too. We got way more than we originally paid for our house.

I want to look at fair competition in the numbers:

fair competition” in the English Ordinal system equals 173 (one all vices in check and yes, no, may be existence)

one seven three” in the English Ordinal system equals 155 (one all the senses all the senses)

one five five” in the English Ordinal system equals 118 (one one in eternity and or on the racetrack of life)

one one eight ” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 (one one all the vices in check)

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 (one yes, no, may be and yes, no, may be existence)

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 (one left side of the brain all vices in check but one)

one four six” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 (end of pattern)

3 October 2020 Impulsive

Good morning to you, how are you doing? I am doing ok so far today. Still making progress for finding a place to live, hopefully will have a lead on a place Monday. Ideally, I’d like to find a little house for Link and I to rent but a lot of the ones that have come up so far don’t allow pets. A lot of them are already rented.   There are some nice apartments we have inquired about but I don’t qualify. I really wanted to avoid living in an apartment again but might not have much of a choice.  Something nice I can afford will present itself and it will be just the right place.

The word of today is impulsive (something I am trying to avoid doing with this use search):

impulsive[imˈpəlsiv]ADJECTIVE acting or done without forethought. 

impulsive ” in the English Ordinal system equals 126 (a game, a God)(a one light and shadow process of self all vices in check but one)

one two six” in the English Ordinal system equals 144 (a brain)(a one right and left side brain process)

one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 (a play)(a one all senses engaged right brain)

one five four ” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 (a child)(a one yes, no, may be process all vices in check but one

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (a self)(one right sight brain light and shadow of self process)

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (a sun)(one all senses process of light and shadow self)

‘”one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (a one) (one yes, no, may be right side of brain process)

 

23 September 2020 Growth (Empaths and sensitivity to the world)

Hello there, how are you?  Hard to believe it’s already Wednesday.  Where do the days go?!!!  My answer is usually “away, they just go away.”  Sometimes I will sit and the clock seems to have a mind of it’s own like there is a fast forward button!

So I asked a friend for a blog topic today because I was having a hard time coming up with one.  The topic he recommended was growth in the context of having a thicker skin when facing the world.  I am a self identified empath and the person who suggested the topic is too.  We are sensitive to the world and oftentimes feel weak because of it.  Somedays everything feels like I have no skin at all.  It feels like everything is touching raw nerves.

So how does one grow beyond what I’m describing? For me it’s just taking time and falling down and getting back up a lot.  Getting a thicker skin when dealing with things doesn’t just magically happen.   I have always been a sensitive person and the world immediate and beyond has always affected me even if I didn’t want it to.  The best way I have found to be stronger about it is to limit my exposure to stuff around me family and otherwise.  There is only so much a person can take before it begins to adversely affect their own life and health.

spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91

grow a thicker skin ” in the English Ordinal system equals 191

poison” in the English Ordinal system equals 88 (it’s interesting that poison and empathy have the same values because being empathic can mean ingesting a lot of toxins from people, places and things)

empathy” in the English Ordinal system equals 88

empath” in the English Ordinal system equals 63

Another part of growing is what is facing me now and that  is finding another place to live.  When I was living in Texas I was in and out of the hospital for four years.  Thankfully I had my husband and family there to help me through much of that but this last time I was mainly on my own.  It’s difficult to even write about this but I know I have to .

My fear of moving out and being on my own is that I will end up like I did in Texas after I got out of the hospital.  I could barely function.  I used to be so frantic for companionship that  would eat with a family member by the cell phone.  I feel being out on my own this time will be worse because I am living in a new place and don’t know where everything is on top of having anxiety.  I have been in situations like this before but not as the person I am now, I didn’t have to do it alone.  My anxiety and fear is a physical feeling more than ever before.  I just know I can’t do it alone and the people in my life that I would be asking to help are really busy with their own lives.  I feel it would be an imposition to ask even though they reassure me it wouldn’t be.

I know I can’t stay at my Aunt and Uncles place indefinitely but I am just feeling some sense of normalcy and or safety and I don’t want to lose that feeling.   I think a big part of this too is my resisting that I am a single person. I have to let God on this now and trust that everything is going to be alright.

fear of moving” in the English Ordinal system equals 131 (has a 13 in it )

 

21 September 2020 Is it ok to be happy?

Hello to you in your wherever and whenever as you visit me here.  How are you?  I hope you are well.  Something that came to mind today was asking myself if it’s okay to be happy.  I have been having a lot of thoughts lately with the upcoming holiday seasons.  I have been thinking about October with Halloween                                                                                .

My husband and I used to decorate for the holidays and celebrate Halloween.  We had a Steampunk theme started and zombie flamingos chasing a lone pink flamingo….we did stuff.  I don’t know if it’s ok to celebrate Halloween and if I do how will I without my husband.  Knowing my Aunt Ruth we will celebrate Halloween.  I just feel funny inside about it and wonder inside if it’s ok to be happy celebrating the holidays in a new way.   I feel an ache inside thinking about it and am trying to address this now to help me prepare myself.

There is going to be a lot more family around than I’m used to.  I will have to let God  a little on this and trust that whatever happens will be ok.

Is it ok to be happy” in the English Ordinal system equals 191 (one “no” one)

spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 (“no” one)

Halloween” in the English Ordinal system equals 95 (“no” all of the   senses)

Thanksgiving” in the English Ordinal system equals 141 (one left side of brain one)

Christmas” in the English Ordinal system equals 110 (one one person place or object)

18 September 2020 Ashen skies

Hello how are you? As I write this morning I look outside and the sky is gray.  You might think it was going to rain but it’s just ash from the nearby fires.  It leaves a light dusting on everything and they even up the air quality alert to red; unhealthy!

I wasn’t sure what to write about today but I wanted to write.  This week has been pretty productive the house sale is done which was another big milestone.  Now comes trying to find a new place to live and it’s not looking like it will be easy.  There is a boom in the housing market in this area  (from what I hear it’s everywhere) .  I am considered low income so I might qualify for low income housing but there is a long waiting list.  I am blessed to have family familiar with real estate and they are helping me navigate this next part of my journey.  Now isn’t a buyers market at least if you are someone like me.

I don’t know if it’s the weather right now or what but I feel heavy and anxious.  Hopefully the skies will clear and I will be able to get back outside some.  We have been praying for the firefighters.

ashen skies” in the English Ordinal system equals 110 (one one person, place or object 110=purpose)

housing boom” in the English Ordinal system equals 138 (one yes, no, may be in eternity and or racetrack of life, 38=balance, death) if you add 1+3+8 = 12/3 cycle