19 April 2021 The Wind

Hello to you, how are you? I am doing pretty good today. The wind has been blowing something fierce this morning. I wonder what God is talking about today:

Psalm 104:4New International Version

He makes winds his messengers,[a]
    flames of fire his servants.

Sometimes when I hear the wind through the trees I wonder what it is they are talking about. I wonder if it’s like going to the hair dresser and being under a fan getting your hair to set. “Did you see Weeping Willow down the street?! I wonder how long she’s going to let her hair grow out?!”

Sometimes the wind is scary if it blows too hard….is that a fight?! Lets see what the wind is in the numbers:

balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

the wind” in the English Ordinal system equals 83 (eternal yes, no, may be)

16 April 2021 Home

Hello to you, how are you? It’s a beautiful sunny Friday afternoon here as I write to you. The topic that has come up for me today is home, “where is my home?” They say home is where your heart is so I am left asking where is my heart? Well yesterday when I really started thinking about this question, I looked down and I saw Link! Link is 6 years old and has been with me through some of the hardest parts of the storm I’ve been in. When I say I have to go home nowadays I am thinking of Link…”I have to get home to Link.” I’m kind of afraid to get too close to him. What if he leaves me too? What will I have left? I guess I shouldn’t be thinking like that and stay in the moment but it’s hard.

Some day I hope to have a two legged someone in addition to Link to share my life with and home will be redefined once again.

Psalm 84:3-4New International Version

Even the sparrow has found a home,
    and the swallow a nest for herself,
    where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
    Lord Almighty, my King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
    they are ever praising you.[a]

22 May 2020 Link

woman” in the English Ordinal system equals 66

happy” in the English Ordinal system equals 66

where is my home?” in the English Ordinal system equals 166

cat” in the English Ordinal system equals 24

home is where the heart is” in the English Ordinal system equals 241

13 April 2021 Prospers

Hello to you. How are you?

I want to be this kind of person:

Psalm 1

Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers.

In the life of a person like me, sometimes it’s hard to muster enough energy and courage to do the things that need to get done. Today was one of those days. It’s like my body physically resists any effort I make to be productive. So I have to force myself to do things otherwise they don’t get done.

I have to mention here that I never used to be this sort of person! I used to clean everything compulsively. If something needed to be done I got it done. Now a lot of times I find myself asking “what’s the point?” I have come to realize a lot of tasks we do in this life are futile in nature. Like for examples laundry, getting groceries, ironing and shoveling snow. I really want to get back to some sort of balance with all of this!

God” in the English Ordinal system equals 26

prospers” in the English Ordinal system equals 126

Schmidt” in the English Ordinal system equals 76

the futile tasks” in the English Ordinal system equals 176

12 April 2021 Keeping your word

Hello, how are you? It’s a sunny Monday afternoon. I am still waiting on the people I contacted to come and spray the weeds and grass growing in my gavel.

I think it’s important in business or in your personal life that if you make a promise about something that you keep your word.

lie” in the English Ordinal system equals 26

keeping your word” in the English Ordinal system equals 206

Not much to write about today but wanted to say hello!

11 April 2021 Thoughts

Hello, how are you? I am doing well as I write to you late this sunny Sunday afternoon. The past few days I have been trying to pay more close attention to my thoughts and how they are associated with my feelings. This passage resonated:

Isaiah 55:8-11New International Version

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow
    come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
    without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
    so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
    It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
    and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

As an empath, I have lived most of my life as a “feeler.” This past year living like that has been very difficult for me. To feel every little thing so deeply riddled me with anxiety and paralyzed me with fear.

With the help of God through friends and family I am learning to find a balance between my thoughts and the feelings those thoughts evoke. A couple simple phrases when I think something and feel anxious is, “it’s just a thought” or “it’s just a feeling” or “This is just a feeling it will pass it always does.”

I am gradually learning to take control of my thoughts and how I choose to feel about those thoughts. I learned about this from the program I mentioned in my previous blog. In some ways anxiety is just a bad habit that can be broken. So gradually, over time, I hope to reprogram myself and get back to some semblance of who I used to be.

thoughts” in the English Ordinal system equals 118 (two parts of one in eternity)

10 April 2021 Normalcy

Hello to you, how are you? I’m doing ok. Today’s topic is courtesy of a friend as she is struggling, like many of us are, to define what her new normal is. So much of what we used to do without thinking about it has changed. Like I heard from my cousin that her daughter had to schedule a spot to visit the zoo! We used to be able to just go and visit the zoo. We used to be able to just go shopping, eat out , get a haircut , go to a movie and various other things without a second thought. Now we have to find out if places are open and if they are open what are their procedures for being open.

I honestly don’t think things will ever be the way they were before this pandemic happened. Part of me is wondering if the pandemic has given us a new reverence for “normal” when we can have it. May be we don’t take things for granted as much.

Normalcy” in the English Ordinal system equals 101 (one unknown person, place or thing to one) I look at this being like a two blacksmiths at an anvil working on one piece of metal.

9 April 2021 The Program

Hello to you, how are you doing today? It’s 9:05 am on this TGIF morning. I had some weird dreams last night one of them was of watching people making a blue drink to make “blue bloods.” The other that I remember was seeing shadows of three crucifixions and one kicked one of them down and it became a shadow of a chair. Not sure what the blue bloods was about but the other was may be about Jesus being crucified so I could have rest – rest symbolized by the chair. What do you think?

Yesterday I started listening to the Lucinda Bassett Attacking Anxiety and Depression (Attacking Anxiety and Depression Midwest Center for Stress 16 Cassette Tapes | eBay) program and so far it’s pretty interesting. I need to do more than just listen but that’s all I have the energy to do right now. What I have found interesting is some of the people interviewed were completely off anxiety medication. They didn’t consider anxiety and depression a mental illness but a temporary condition. You have to learn how to talk to yourself in a positive manner.

They suggest getting an exercise program to help combat anxiety. I never thought that would be a problem for me. I have been an active person for most of my life but this past year since the divorce I’ve become quite sedentary. I’m looking forward to more steady warm weather and may be then I will get out and walk more.

life” in the English Ordinal system equals 32

Attacking Anxiety and Depression ” in the English Ordinal system equals 327 (yes, no, may be light and shadow existence all vices in check)

6 April 2021 Ask

Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing better. For some reason mornings until mid-afternoon are tough for me . Today I prayed for divine help. I specifically asked for Jesus’s help because I am so sick of feeling and thinking the way that I have been this past year. I feel like such a pathetic human being when I’m like this! A possible answer to the prayer came via a long phone call with a friend who has a program she is going to give me to try. It worked for her and she’s hoping it will work for me.

I let my feelings control my thoughts a lot of time. I must learn to control my thoughts in spite of my feelings. This kind of goes back to my post about feeling the fear but doing it anyways. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an empath or what but my feelings have always seem to override my thoughts. I think there has to be a healthy balance with my gifts and living this life.

This scripture resonated:

Ask, Seek, Knock Matthew 7:7-8

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

So I have asked and have been seeking so we’ll see what we find.

all” in the English Ordinal system equals 25

Ask, Seek, Knock” in the English Ordinal system equals 125

5 April 2021 Truth

Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing ok.

Today’s journey in the Bible lead me here:

Prophecy of Scripture 2 Peter 12-21

12 So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. 13 I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, 14 because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. 15 And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.

16 For we did not follow cleverly devised stories when we told you about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ in power, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17 He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”[b] 18 We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.

19 We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. 20 Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation of things. 21 For prophecy never had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

This is an important passage for someone like me who sometimes has doubts. What is the truth? Is this a first hand account? Perhaps it comes down to belief. Does it matter whether or not it’s a first hand account if it’s the word of God? My personal truth is it’s lonely being a doubter……having unbelief . A good friend of mine has suggested I ask God to show me the truth.

Sometimes I can get my inner “zoo” quiet enough to hear a voice of reason inside. Like just now, “Have faith, everything will make sense. I will guide you there is no need to feel anxious.” What is the source of this voice inside? Is it the Holy Spirit or just my brain trying to get me to calm down? I guess it comes down to what I want to believe again doesn’t it?!

I have had dealings with the truth of the Holy Spirit before. It was back in 2001 a whole sequence of events happened after I went to a mega church service in Melbourne Florida. The message was about the Holy Spirit being an actual entity. I was sitting in my sun porch in base housing after drinking heavily again. I was tired of being drunk again and under my breath I said , “Holy Spirit I surrender.” Well that next day the Holy Spirit and his divine timing began. I was going to ride my bike to work like I normally do and the chain just fell off the bike! I had to put it back on and my hands got all oily. Well I got cleaned up and was riding the path I normally take by the 45th Intelligence Squadron and a Transam came racing up on me and almost hit me! I was very shaken. Then I got to work and found out I had an annual physical exam so I had to ride my bike again. I was given a questionnaire and one of the questions talked about my alcohol usage and I decided to be honest. I was drinking too much to cope with my life and within a couple days I was on a plane to Maryland into a treatment facility! It turned out to be exactly what I needed even if I didn’t think so at first. I whispered for divine help and I got it.

I think this passage is true:

Matthew 17:20
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Not all of life’s experiences are dramatic as what I shared but they do bear witness to the power and truth of God in our daily lives.

balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

if you have faith as small as a mustard seed” in the English Ordinal system equals 383 (yes, no, may be for eternity yes, no may be existence)

4 April 2021 Resurrection

Hello to you, how are you on this day of hope? Today we are reminded of the resurrection of Christ and some people it’s celebration of the Spring Equinox Eostre. A lot of Christian holidays have their origin in pagan roots it was how they got many pagans in Christs time to convert to Christianity (7 Pagan Festivals We Still Celebrate Today | Through Eternity Tours).

I was looking for the scripture passages about the resurrection of Christ this morning and stopped looking after I read Matthew 27. It’s such a dramatic moment! It must have been terrifying to be there:

Matthew 27:50-56New International Version

50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.

51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split 52 and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53 They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and[a] went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

54 When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, “Surely he was the Son of God!”

55 Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. 56 Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph,[b] and the mother of Zebedee’s sons.

Something that bothers me about this is the rising of the dead from their tombs. What actually happened that day? Did people actually rise from the dead and walk around? I am reminded of what happened to me back in 2002 when I had my first major episode/experience. I was in the Emergency Room in Florida and could feel myself getting really cold. They wanted me to lay down but I said I couldn’t otherwise I would slip out of my body, I could feel it happening. Then a man came in with warm towel and and they gave me some fluids and I felt better than I have ever felt in my life. Suddenly there was beeping sounds of machines in the almost all the rooms around me. This was the first time I felt like Christ was within me. There is much more that happened after all this but I won’t go into it now.

They say it’s not uncommon for this sort of thing to happen with a psychotic break; a Messiah complex (Messiah complex – Wikipedia). It felt like more than that. What happened to me? I was alive but felt like I was going to die, just slip out of my body. Was it just dehydration, a psychotic breakdown or a resurrection? It’s hard to say!

one six five ” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 (one light and shadow process for eternity)

resurrection ” in the English Ordinal system equals 165 (one all vices in check but one for the senses)

Messiah complex” in the English Ordinal system equals 162 (one all vices in check but one light and shadow process)