21 October 2020 Finding Happy

Hello to you, how are you today? I hope wherever and whenever this finds you that you are happy. As I write that I realize that asking someone to be happy can be a tall order in this world now. People say that all the time, “I just want you to be happy.” Sometimes it takes a big effort just to smile; such has been the case for me for the past few months. The one person in my life that I actually found happiness with decided to move on without me. So now I am having to relearn what it means to be me, to be Jackie, not Kyle and Jackie and it’s hard.

I am having to revisit lessons from my past. My first husband taught me an important lesson about happiness. He said that no one can make you anything – make you happy. This is so hard because it seems like I have been almost programmed that someone else should be the root cause of my happiness. I love to be in love! I have been this way most of my life. It also occurs to me that I have also been someone that has been empty much of my life expecting someone else to fill me up. I was starting to find out what made me happy but it was in conflict with what made husband happy. Experimenting in our kitchen with earth and grass bowls just didn’t appeal to my husband!

So let’s see what the phrase “I just want you to be happy” looks like in the numbers:

I just want you to be happy” in the English Ordinal system equals 306 (yes, no, may be in the unknown which can be a person, place and or thing, all vices in check but one)

three zero six” in the English Ordinal system equals 172 (I thought this was neat that “a world” world =72 came up as the very next part of the equation)

one seven two” in the English Ordinal system equals 157 (one all the senses all vices in check)

one five seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 141 (one the left side of the brain one and 41 = garbage*)

one four one” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 (one light and shadow self in eternity and 28 = man )

one two eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 141 (pattern)

*It’s interesting to note that sometimes the quest to be happy makes ALOT of garbage! How many people shop to make themselves and or others happy!

Five plus two equals seven

Hello to you. How are you doing these days? It’s getting cooler and the trees are doing a slow striptease of their gold and red dresses.

My friend and I use a chat site called Healthful Chats and in order to find each other he uses my age as a code. I decided to see what the words and numbers said :

“five plus two equals seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 3(yes, no, may be in the unknown eternity)

“death” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

“balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

Everything we say, think and do seems to have some kind of significance if you really peel back the surface…even just a little bit. What’s ironic is my friend really started to have problems on the date of my birthday this past year and we had never met yet. One of the core issues he’s been dealing with is death!

15 Oct 2020 Repair/die/run/move on

Hello there, how are you doing today? It’s already Thursday and the end of the week approaches. We had frost on the ground this morning – not ready for cold weather yet!

As usual, I was having trouble coming up with a topic for today. Things just don’t flow like they used to! One of my friends was talking about a loop he’s having in his head and I decided to run it through the numbers. The numeric value seems to match pretty close to what the words are saying:

repair die run move on” in the English Ordinal system equals 222 (continual process of light and shadow selves all the way through)

I decided to add the slash as a word and something interesting happened:

repairslashdieslashrunslashmove on” in the English Ordinal system equals 399 (Jackie =39 and thirteen = 99!) yes, no, may be of a “no” “no” process.

this phrase kind of correlates to the above process:

wherever you go there you are” in the English Ordinal system equals 328 (life =32 man=28) yes, no, may be process of light and shadow in eternity and or on the racetrack of life.

What I have figured out about running away is I haven’t been able to escape from myself . Whatever behaviors I exhibit in one place, I will have the same ones in the new place. It’s hard to change but sometimes unless you change, you won’t ever grow as a person. Change has seldom come easy to me!

3 October 2020 Impulsive

Good morning to you, how are you doing? I am doing ok so far today. Still making progress for finding a place to live, hopefully will have a lead on a place Monday. Ideally, I’d like to find a little house for Link and I to rent but a lot of the ones that have come up so far don’t allow pets. A lot of them are already rented.   There are some nice apartments we have inquired about but I don’t qualify. I really wanted to avoid living in an apartment again but might not have much of a choice.  Something nice I can afford will present itself and it will be just the right place.

The word of today is impulsive (something I am trying to avoid doing with this use search):

impulsive[imˈpəlsiv]ADJECTIVE acting or done without forethought. 

impulsive ” in the English Ordinal system equals 126 (a game, a God)(a one light and shadow process of self all vices in check but one)

one two six” in the English Ordinal system equals 144 (a brain)(a one right and left side brain process)

one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 (a play)(a one all senses engaged right brain)

one five four ” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 (a child)(a one yes, no, may be process all vices in check but one

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (a self)(one right sight brain light and shadow of self process)

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (a sun)(one all senses process of light and shadow self)

‘”one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (a one) (one yes, no, may be right side of brain process)

 

30 September 2020 Shopping for a place to live

Hello, how are you you doing today? I am doing ok.  I’m trying to stay in a space of gratitude for my blessings.  I am way better off than a lot of people these days!

So the current leg of my journey involves finding a place to live in a boom state.  What I mean by that is I moved to a state that is booming with growth as people from expensive places like California move here.  There is a shortage of low income housing.  Farmland is being sold to home developers that aren’t building houses for single occupants.

So pickings are pretty slim and I can’t see myself renting a home for nearly twice what I was paying for a mortgage. I have been trying to avoid the apartment option because I have had such bad luck in the past living in them.  Noise has been the primary complaint.  Moving into an apartment with a dog that barks at just about everything would be horrible for both of us.   I have to have faith that the right place is going to be there for us we just have to be patient.

Shopping for a place to live ” in the English Ordinal system equals 264 (light and shadow of self process all vices in check but one for right side of brain)

two six four” in the English Ordinal system equals 170 (one all vices in check for unknown person, place and or object)

one seven zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 163 (one all vices in check but one for a yes, no, may be process)

one six three” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (one left side of the brain process of light and shadow of self)

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (one all the senses engaged process of light and shadow self)

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes, no, may be right side of the brain)

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all the senses engaged for unknown person, place and or object)

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one right side of the brain for unknow person, place and or object)

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all the senses engaged in eternity and or race track of life)

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow of self process with all the senses engaged)

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (pattern repeats)

 

Just curious:

boom town” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 (two parts of self separated all vices in check)

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 (one yes, no, maybe, yes, no may be self)

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 (one left side brain all vices in check but one)

 

25 September 2020 Different frequencies (relationships)

Hello again, it’s Friday here as I write to you.  I can’t believe how fast the weeks and days go by now.  For awhile there it was like time was standing still but now it is definitely not.

I was stumped for a topic again and a friend suggested talking about dating and relationships with people on a different frequencies.  A few years ago I took a Quantum Touch class which deals with energy healing.  Part of the training was about the concepts of resonance and entrainment.  We were taught techniques to increase our energy level before helping someone.  The person we were working with would either rise to our energy level or there was the potential, if we weren’t vigilant, to become entrained into the lower energy levels of who we were working with.

https://www.quantumtouch.com/en/about-quantum-touch/how-does-qt-work

So as far as relationships go, we all operate at different frequencies.  Some people operate on a very high frequency.  You know the kind of people that walk into a room and light the place up.  The other people in the room will either rise to the higher energy vibration or they will distance themselves.  I think it’s important in relationships that there is a balance where one person isn’t dictating where the energy level is going to be all the time.  A give and take, a balance.  This goes for all relationships not just a spouse and or significant other.

An image that just came to mind was of two magnets.  The are either strongly attracted and will slap together or strongly repel from each other.  In the latter case, you will be able to feel the magnetic field resisting the two sides joining.   There s nothing you can do to make them stay together except may be connect them somehow.  To think of forcing a magnet together is kind of like forcing a failed marriage to work I think.

entrainment” in the English Ordinal system equals 133

resonance” in the English Ordinal system equals 94

opposites attract ” in the English Ordinal system equals 217 (I thought it was interesting the same numbers for completely different words came up)

magnetic fields” in the English Ordinal system equals 127

 

24 September 2020 Who is God

Hello to you, how are you doing today?  I hope this finds you doing well in your here and now as you visit me here.

I was trying to think of what to write today and a conversation I just had on healthfulchats.com helped me.  A long while ago I had written a paper about my theory that the first great beings were trees and everything came after that.  I had it posted here but have long since deleted it, In Beginning was Symbiosis. Some of the oldest life forms on the planet are trees and a few of them are still around https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_oldest_trees.  Well thinking about that subject made me think about God and who God is.

People often ask me if I believe in God and I say yes. The natural tendency after that is to want to talk about the bible.  Then if I have chosen Jesus as my personal savior and to that that I always say Jesus is the best part of the book.  Who’s flesh and blood was sacrificed in those early years so that early Bible’s might exist?  Trees, animals and plants.

What I believe is the Earth is God and everything and everyone alive on top is an extension of God.  For every right there is a left aka cause and affect.  There is only good and evil depending on who is perceiving things.  People make things good and evil.   An example I used today about this was the dandelion.  To at least 5 or 6 species of insect the dandelion is a food source.  I witnessed this myself in my backyard.  So to much of creation the dandelion is food but to some people and a bunch of weed fertilizer companies, the dandelion is just a weed.  Who taught them it was just a weed?

Just like with most everything in existence, dandelions were created for a reason and have a reason for existence.  To me they are a flower with antioxident properties. A little info I found about dandelions there are tons of websites:  https://jhiblog.org/2020/05/20/a-dandelion-story-from-medieval-herbals-to-wholefoods/

Who is God” in the English Ordinal system equals 100 (this is pretty interesting – 1 and two zero’s)

dandelion” in the English Ordinal system equals 78

16 September 2020 Being Realistic

Hello there, how are you today?  I’m writing to you while I am cuddling with Link where we are all warm and fuzzy.  It was in the 40’s again this morning!  I didn’t wear a jacket but I certainly could have.  The skies are still ashen gray with all the fires surrounding the state.

This morning my Aunt and I were talking about some things and the phrase being realistic stuck with me.  I used to be, especially when I’m manic, like to live in a fantasy world and start connecting dots that don’t belong together.  Part of the connecting the dots is my living in a nonsensical world and trying to make sense of it!  I can take seemingly random pieces of my life and piece them together and they make sense—to me.

The other part of being realistic has to do with relationships.  I am wanting to meet someone and fill the void that was created by the end of my marriage.  I have to keep in mind that realistically no one is going to be able to do that.  So I am having to accept that it may be awhile until I find someone compatible comes along; they have huge shoes to fill.

I was married to a man who was able to be home a lot and keep me company.   We believed that it was more important to be together than to make a lot of money.  We were rarely apart. With the separation and divorce I had to go from that to the life I’m living now; it has been rough.  Realistically, whomever I am with has to be able to work and I have to be able to be independent.  For some reason I lost my independence in my relationship with my husband.  I am starting to think it goes all the way back to my early retirement from the military and subsequent divorce.  I jumped right into my relationship with my current husband without taking time to heal.  Now I am having to process aspects of both failed marriages at once.  I lost my self confidence and self esteem having my career and marriage fall apart like it did.  Now, with this current failed marriage, my self esteem has been completely shattered.

being realistic” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 (ironically a 13 in here) one yes, no, may be yes,no, may be existence. the=33)

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 (one left side brain all vices in check but one existence. body =46)

one four six” in the English Ordinal system equals 146

divorce” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 (my maiden name matches this number !)

shattered” in the English Ordinal system equals 100 (this number looks like a person, place or object destroyed)

self esteem” in the English Ordinal system equals 109 (one person, place, thing and “no” existence)

failed marriage” in the English Ordinal system equals 109 ( I thought it curious this number matches self esteem)

Let go and let God” in the English Ordinal system equals 141

I am having to do a lot of letting go and letting God these days!

15 September 2020 Closing Together

Hello to you it’s morning yet here as I write.  As I look out my bedroom window, it is ashen gray and the sun is trying to shine.   It’s been like this for days now.  The air quality alert is red so I don’t plan on being outside much today.

Today is the official closing date on us selling our house.  Yesterday they sent out a mobile notary.  I was grateful they did that so I could sign the documents and get them back to Texas today for my husband to sign.  It was all bittersweet.  I am even having trouble writing about it right now.   I wish we had been able to do the closing together but that’s the past.

Like the ending of our marriage, this is anti-climactic and is just happening .  Our marriage happened,  We bought a house and lived in it for 12 years.  We made lots of memories together and I don’t want to just act like nothing happened.  All this said, to keep myself from losing my shit inside, I have to in a way act like nothing is happening.  A part of me wonders if this is what my husband has had to do too so he doesn’t lose it.

“closing” in the English Ordinal system equals 79 (all vices in check in a no cycle)

“together” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 (no cycle for eternity and or racetrack of life)

I have to believe that all of this has been happening for a reason and everything is going be ok for both of us.

12 September 2020 Today

Hello to you, how are you doing?  I hope from whenever and wherever  you are you are having a good today,

I had a couple of interesting dreams last night.  One of them was of seeing Princess Diana in a wedding veil and telling her she could stay, whatever that meant.  The other dream had to do with former President Ronald Reagan and getting car keys from him but instead of getting a car there were beds with numbers on them.

Today is my cousins’ sons wedding and we are having an orange level air quality day. I hope it clears up for them.  The sky is gray, like clouds are in the sky, but it smells like burning! I made my final decision about whether I was going to the wedding or not and I have decided not to go.  I just want the day to be about them and their happiness.  I can’t stop thinking about my own stuff and how I feel about it.   In my minds eye,  I keep seeing myself in black dress looking like I did when I married my ex but alone.  I miss my ex-husband very much and am having trouble moving on without him.  When I think about things I feel like I am being pulled apart   !

today” in the English Ordinal system equals 65 (all vices in check but one for all the 5 senses)

(“white” in the English Ordinal system equals 65)

one two September two zero two zero ” in the English Ordinal system equals 439 (left side of brain yes, no, may be, no existence” and ironically my name 39 is in here)

these values above made me think of yin and yang :

Yin and Yang

Yin and Yang
In Ancient Chinese philosophy, yin and yang (/jɪn/ and; Chinese: 陰陽 yīnyáng, lit. “dark-bright”, “negative-positive”) is a concept of dualism, describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. In Chinese cosmology, the universe creates itself out of a primary chaos of material energy, organized into the cycles of Yin and Yang and formed into objects and lives. Yin is the receptive and Yang the active principle, seen in all forms of change and difference such as the annual cycle (winter and summer), the landscape (north-facing shade and south-facing brightness), sexual coupling (female and male), the formation of both women and men as characters and sociopolitical history (disorder and order).