Hello there. How are you doing today? Our natural inclination is to say “I’m ok” or “fine.” Not many people want to hear that you aren’t ok or fine. Is it a sign of weakness to be honest? Is it a sign that you don’t want to burden others with your troubles knowing that others have problems too? It’s not wanting to be a burden that keeps me in the fine and ok space when interacting with others. I don’t want people to dread talking to me!
Today I forced myself to join ladies from church for our twice a month coffee. I was late but that didn’t matter. As always I’m glad I went. I got to share how I’m doing and they prayed for me. I didn’t stay long as I don’t do well standing for long periods of time. I continue to experience the Weeble wobbles when I turn a certain way. They were packaging up pillowcases that were sewn for women and children with cancer.
Ladies helping todayPillow cases for children
Prayer I found that resonated with me:
For Strength & Courage
Heavenly Father, I come before You seeking Your divine strength. Lord, You are my refuge and my fortress. I surrender my fears, anxieties, and uncertainties to You. Fill me with unwavering courage and remind me that I can do all things through You. Let Your peace settle my heart. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Hello to you. It’s Sunday again! The week flew by didn’t it?! I forced myself to go to church despite having some slight vertigo. I’m so glad I did as I got to see my church fam – especially Jeannie, Terry, Cecil, Mark and Brenda. I love getting and giving hugs! Today was Communion Sunday which is always meaningful. Pastor Jason’s message today resonated with me. Feeling the way I did today, the weeble wobbles, makes it hard for me to commit more of myself to our churches needs. Some days it’s all I can do to get to church like today. We are growing and there are so many spaces that need to be filled! I am glad to be part of a prayer group that meets on Thursdays and when I’m able I go to a Monday coffee with women of Grace.
Today is my Dads heavenly birthday, he would be 83 today. I feel bad that I didn’t know my dad better. He didn’t ever really talk about his past. I’m ashamed to say that today is the first time I have read his obituary! I still haven’t fully grieved and or accepted that he’s gone. I miss the dad that dad was so much of his life. I miss his hugs that could make the world stand still. I miss his laughter and his smile. He had such a fun sense of humor. I miss him calling me and leaving voice messages – “hi Jackie this is your dad.” I miss him asking me to get him quarters from the bank. I miss decorating the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving with him. I just miss him alot! There are so many little things. I was proud of my dad for everything he did. I can remember when I would visit him and mom how many people that knew my dad and would say hello. He was kind of a local celebrity!
Part of his life is missing from his obituary and that is being married to my birth mom Jeannie and her subsequent suicide. This painful part of his past changed the course of both of our lives. Suicide does that so I’m not surprised for the omission. I only ever heard him speak of what happened when he told Dianne when he thought I was asleep in the backseat. I have never forgotten that! It was a horrible thing he went through! I feel bad that I put him through so much with my mental health issues during the latter years of his life.
Larry Schmidt, Sioux Falls, SD, passed away Wednesday, November 1, 2023, at Avera Prince of Peace. He was 80.
Larry Jay Schmidt was born May 31, 1943, in Marion, SD, to Elias and Irene (Wipf) Schmidt. The family lived in Freeman, SD prior to moving to Sioux Falls when Larry was five years old. He attended Sioux Falls Washington Senior High School and then joined the US Navy. Following his honorable discharge from service, he sold insurance for Physicians Mutual. Larry served as a police officer in Freeman, SD, then later moved to Rapid City, SD where he continued in security.
On July 7, 1973, he was united in marriage to Dianne Warrington in Tea, SD. The couple made their home in Sioux Falls. Larry continued his career with security in Sioux Falls. In 1987, he and Dianne purchased Velvet Uniforms serving the Sioux Falls community and the law enforcement community in the area. He retired in 2008.
Larry was a member of St. Michael Parish, the Knights of Columbus, American Legion and VFW Honor Guards, and was a member of the Fraternal Order of Police Associate Lodge #1, where he had served as board member and president.
In his free time, Larry enjoyed genealogy and collecting coins.
Grateful for having shared his life are his wife, Dianne Schmidt, Sioux Falls, SD; daughter, Jackie Wygant, Middleton, ID; son, Jerry (Robin) Lemme, Dell Rapids, SD; four grandchildren; four great-grandchildren; and his brother, Eli (LaVonne) Schmidt, of Sioux Falls, SD. He was preceded in death by his parents, and three brothers, LaVerne Wipf, Gene Schmidt, and John Schmidt.
Hello to you. It’s about bedtime as I write to you. I’m not tired yet and know if I try to sleep right now I will just toss and turn. So I will write to you and may be I will get tired!
I was sitting here thinking on what to write about and the word forever popped in. What is forever? As a Christian forever is what happens to us when we die. We die to our physical body and join Jesus and all of our loved ones in heaven for all of eternity – forever. I often wonder what that will be like. For me now I am flesh and bones with my eyes paying attention to my time left here on earth.
I told my therapist this last session that I can feel at times like I am starting to die. My physical health is not as good as it was just a couple years ago. All around me are people my age and younger dying. What makes me so special that I get to live? I have survived many things that take its toll on the body. Facing the end of my second marriage because of my own fault and little that was his really shattered me. Thank God for my family and friends that came to my pleas for help.
Dear Jesus I come before you with my broken self and ask for you to walk with me through what remains of my life here on earth. I love you so much. Thank you for all the earth angels you have put along my journey! Bless those who are like me on this journey. Bless all who are seeking you and may be just are a little lost. Amen.
This song has been with me for many years now. Like Enigma, there is a timelessness to this band:
I awakened in the city to utter darkness. I was running for hours and hours through deserted streets. between all those towers, there was only rain — only the rain.
I went through doors, I scoured the alleys. in the rain I climbed ridges. I walked over bridges, but there was no one there. I felt deaf, although my hearing was fair.
but there was only silence. not even the rain…
there must be more. I need you to quell my fears. I’ve felt it before. I need you to shed my tears.
the things I adore. I need you to feel my pain. I’m trapped like before. I need you to stop the rain.
I’ve cast myself into a prison, with bonds near impossible to break. I thought my life is built on reason, but now I know I’ve got to escape.
I’ve depraved myself of all I had, and thought I need to for my own sake. I didn’t think I would be so sad, but without you I cannot escape. not even the rain…
deep in my heart, I want you to pull me back. I’ve kept us apart, I want you to fix my wreck.
awake with a start, I want you to enter my mind. to re-cast my part, I want you to follow me blind.
I’ve cast myself into a prison, with bonds near impossible to break. I thought my life is built on reason, but now I know I’ve got to escape.
I’ve depraved myself of all I had, and thought I need to for my own sake. I didn’t think I would be so sad, but without you I cannot escape.
Hello to you on this sunny Sunday afternoon. Today has been really nice. The day started with me asking for God to show me if I should go to church. I had a really tough night – not a full uninterrupted night of sleep. My feet carried me to what I was supposed to do and I went to church! As always, I was glad I pushed through! We were in John 2:1-11:
After church I went and bought groceries finally. It was expensive – the coffee I buy was $15 by itself. I’m so glad I only have to buy for Link and I. I usually have groceries last for almost a month. Then I went to have lunch with my Aunt and Uncle. Link was so happy – he loves them so much! I also got to see my sweet cousin Laura who is helping put together a ladies high tea with my Aunt. I sat with my Uncle John and watched a few episodes of a show called Rosemary and Thyme. It’s about two friends who tend to gardens and solve murder mysteries.
Link lying at the feet of my Aunt Love this mug : Dear Lord lead me not into temptation I can do it for myselfTodays message
Hello there! Hope this finds you well. I am home from an early Mother’s Day brunch with my cousins and Aunt and Uncle. This was the first time seeing my cousin Heidi after her four brain surgeries. She is doing so good! You can hardly tell anything has happened to her. She is living proof of God answering prayers. Her hair is short but growing out. She described herself as a browning banana with all her bruises! We thought that was so funny! I think all of us feel like yellowing and bruised bananas these days!
There were a lot of grateful tears shed today. Hearing how grateful Heidi is to God for pulling her through everything really touched all our hearts. She is so brave!
My Aunt put together beautiful spread with charcuterie boards of meat, cheese and fruit. The boys went out and got us ladies bouquets of flowers. So beautiful!
Charcuterie board brunchBeautiful bouquet from Uncle John and Brody
Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. Today was good. I woke up with my usual problem – anxiety and I didn’t want to be alone. I reached out to my Aunt and she had Link and I come over. She helped me make a delicious cup of coffee and made me a toasted blueberry bagel. She gave me a much needed hug. She just knows what I need! Almost every day I have anxiety in the morning and instead of fighting my way through it today I reached out. I am so blessed to have an understanding Aunt and Uncle! At times I really don’t like living alone. Thank God for Link! Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life? Sometimes I think so! The dating scene for my age group is pretty dismal. I always said that if I couldn’t make my second marriage work that I was destined to be alone. There is a large void in my life not being married. I will just have to let God have the final word on this.
Hello to you. I hope this finds you well but if this message finds you in some sort of struggle or pain I hope to bring you some comfort. This world is in a lot of turmoil and things happening that don’t make sense. As the late great Fred Rogers would say, “look for the helpers!” If you can, be one of those. There are things happening that require us to reach out and love one another- less hate – more love. My prayers go out to all of you! Don’t lose hope that things are going to get better.
Today at church we were in Matthew when Jesus heals a leper:
Matthew 8:1-4New International Version
Jesus Heals a Man With Leprosy
8 When Jesus came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. 2 A man with leprosy[a]came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”
3 Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy. 4 Then Jesus said to him, “See that you don’t tell anyone. But go, show yourself to the priest and offer the gift Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.”
This account of Jesus reaching out to such a person shows us that we have to make our tables longer and our fences shorter! In these divisive times it can be difficult. How many of us would have done what Jesus did for this man? Would we reach out or recoil? Our natural inclination is to avoid or turn away. By doing what he did, he traded places with the man. He showed those who bore witness that we need to love the unloveable. It’s so easy to pray for and love those like us – those we call loved ones and friends!
Dear Jesus I pray for this world and all the life within it. Please be with all those who are in war ravaged conditions… let there be peace. I pray for the people of Oahu Hawaii that are suffering flooding. I ask you to wrap your loving arms around the sick, poor, the addicted, those trying to heal and unhoused. Thank you Lord. Amen.
Hello to you. It’s Sunday again. The weeks are flying by already. I’m just back from a family birthday party at my cousins house. Lots of good food and company. The men grilled burgers, hot dogs and elk burgers. The grandchildren always bring joy and laughter as does my Aunt Ruth. They even did an Easter egg hunt that the kids really enjoyed. It was good to see everybody.
Church was good. Roy was there in a wheel chair with his sister and brother-in-law. That is a miracle of Gods healing power! We had Bryant Strodt give the sermon out of Mark 5:25-34:
Mark 5:25-34New International Version
25 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.
30 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”
31 “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”
32 But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33 Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”
When God heals, it is to build our faith. When God doesn’t heal, he also uses it to build our faith.
I have been asking God to heal me for the past couple of years and he hasn’t yet. In his divine timing I have faith that he will heal me if he’s going to. I also have to accept that as we get older our cars (bodies) break down and don’t work like they used to. What I am praying for might be unreasonable! I may never be completely pain free.
Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I’m just back from a short walk and boy is it windy! I remembered to take my camera so I could get a couple pictures of spring blooms. It was a little tricky with it being so windy.
Spring blooms A bush blooming
Yesterday began early for me. I actually didn’t wake up until my alarm went off! My Aunt invited me to the monthly gathering of Sisters of Grace and they meet at 9:00. When I go with her I drive to her house and then we drive together to the church. She made bread pudding to take along that came out really good. There was a good turnout. The ladies are so welcoming and kind! Being with so many kind souls is good for me. We sang this song that I really like:
Chorus Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul, worship His holy Name. Sing like never before, O my soul. I’ll worship Your holy Name.
Verse 1 The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning; It’s time to sing Your song again. Whatever may pass and whatever lies before me, Let me be singing when the evening comes.
Chorus Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul, worship His holy Name. Sing like never before, O my soul. I’ll worship Your holy Name.
Verse 2 You’re rich in love and You’re slow to anger, Your Name is great and Your heart is kind; For all Your goodness I will keep on singing, Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find.
Chorus Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul, worship His holy Name. Sing like never before, O my soul. I’ll worship Your holy Name.
Verse 3 And on that day when my strength is failing, The end draws near and my time has come; Still my soul sings Your praise unending, Ten thousand years and then forevermore.
Chorus Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul, worship His holy Name. Sing like never before, O my soul. I’ll worship Your holy Name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul, worship His holy Name. Sing like never before, O my soul. I’ll worship Your holy Name.
Hello and good evening. I am writing to you to help quiet my brain before bed. I have been having good dreams since the one I told you about with sleep paralysis. This past day I dreamt about being with my ex and his brother. I really miss both of them and the in depth talks we used to have. We were good friends! The dream felt like a nice visit with them.
My thoughts tonight turn to the word focus. The context being of what I focus on gaining power in my life. I am currently focusing on losing weight and being more active. It’s going from just thinking to doing. This is a battle because of the fullness in my ears, balance and my lower back. I am hoping the Tai Chi, currently at a beginners level and walking, will gradually help me out with what is holding me back.
The other thing that holds me back in my life is my love for my dog Link. I hate leaving him alone for too long. He is going to be 12 this coming December! He’s a senior dog now and I don’t know how much longer we will have together. After him I don’t know if I will be able to have another pet. There are a lot of things I don’t do because of my responsibility as a pet owner. My little old man gets a lot of my focus.
What we focus on gains power – takes center stage of our lives. The past couple years I have been trying to put Jesus at the center but I will be honest it’s not been easy. I was a pagan for a long time. Prior to being a pagan I was a Roman Catholic for many years up until I left home. After the Catholic Church refused to acknowledge my first marriage I tried many other churches and just couldn’t find one I felt comfortable or accepted in. In the church I am currently attending, Grace Bible Church, I have found acceptance and fellowship but sometimes I feel like the chameleon tattooed on my shoulder. My ability to feel anything deeply has gone the way of my creativity. I want to feel Jesus’s love for me and sometimes I just don’t! I want to weep with the depths of his love and I just can’t. What used to come to me so easily has been reduced to this blog. I am so grateful to you who come to visit me here from all over the world which encourages me not to give up writing altogether!
Dear Jesus I come before you asking for you to heal me in my brokenness- physically, mentally and spiritually. Please show me you are present and that you love me. I ask that you make your presence known to all in this world that thirst for the living water only you can provide. Help me and others like me authentically be vessels of your spirit. Free me and others like me from the bondage of self. Amen.
To be 