7 August 2019 “Being there”

Hello to you.  I’ve been away for quite awhile again.  Lately there have been many things going on in my life that have required my attention on a personal, physical, emotional and spirit level while I am trying to heal from a recent fall.  I won’t burden you with the details.  This morning my husband and I can’t sleep again even with it being quiet and dark.  A lot on our minds, bodies and spirits these days.  I believe it is in our house and outside of our houses that affect us on every level – directly and indirectly by the very nature of how our systems are connected as living organisms.

One of the things on my mind right now is how to be there for my family and my friends and still have something left for me.  In my current condition I am not able to be there for those I love in the same capacity I have been able to in the past and I kind of beat myself up for it!  Am I being a bad friend?  A bad daughter?  A bad wife?  Then comes the “shouldn’ing” all over myself which doesn’t help!   So I ran a couple things to share with those of you who this might resonate with – those who might be feeling/going through this right now and have need of a different way to see it:

“Being there” = 93/98/91/76/117/133/146

9 = 42 = self  (a “no” self as 5 also equals 42 but I think of this as the feeling/five senses/physical self) 3 = 56 = 42/52  (“self earth”)

98 = together  91= spirit  76 = humans  33= the  46 = body

Being there for a friend = 189

1=34 =one  8=49=alive  9=42=self (add 34 + 49 + 42 = 125 and 25 = all, “a all” = 26 which = God)

Sometimes we can’t be there like we want to for a friend or how a friend might expect us to be so we can pray for them to the God/Gods of our understanding.  If you don’t like that – just even having a loving/positive thought for them.  It is different for each of us.  Sometimes we just can’t be there for someone like they think they want or need from us.  An energy greater than ourselves must step in our place for them.  For many, that is God.

Being there for family = 198

1=34=one  9=42=self 8=49=alive (add 34 + 42 + 49 = 125)

Being there for yourself = 253

2=58=feeling  5=42=self  3=56=light  (add 58 + 42 + 56 = 156) (56’s I have found, why, light out and there are more but these are a couple)

156/128/141/128/141…. = a why a man a garbage?  a why a man energy exchange.

For me personally, for the past several months, years…may be most of my life I have questioned my worth, my value….am I garbage?  Did God make a mistake by making me?  What I have had to do is find a way to make peace within myself so I don’t hate myself all the time.  People like my husband, family, my friends all seem to love and care about me but if I don’t love myself, their energies are wasted on me.  One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, still do, is tell the person in the mirror I love them.

As I age, that girl looking back at me has changed but when I look in her eyes, that little girl is still looking back at me and I can’t stop loving her.  The God I know has changed through the years – stripped down now to energetic form.  Why would God expend all that energy to make something and not love it?  The human world is full now of creations cast aside, seeming mistakes.  Are they really mistakes if God is in all of us?  Made all of us?  Who decides but God?!  These are the questions of our time.

We have all been given a set of clothes to wear in this life and underneath them is energy, children of God.  Sometimes our inner child gets lost and just wants to be comforted.  We cast about in this world to get some relief from the pain that child may be enduring and we can’t find it!  I have gone through that process so many times in my life and it was due in great part to a black, white and tan cocker spaniel named Sam that I found out nothing can fill the void that is created by loss but God.  Isn’t it ironic that God turned around is dog.  Yes, people living and dead in my life have taught me a great deal of life but with Sam there were no conditions.

I will close for now.  I am typing one-handed so can’t do this so often.  I hope something here is what you were looking for and or needed today.

 

The Wasp

 

*Seeing this today was like they were showing me, “Hey, look what my job is! I have value, I have worth!”  We used to be mean to the wasps until I took the time to learn their job in nature actually is.  From what I have personally witnessed, their purpose for existence includes trying to keep our trees healthy.  Since trees are basically the lungs of the planet, I think that’s a pretty important job!   I have read conflicting information about wasps online.  My personal experience is they are helpers and teachers.  What came through in the numbers is a pecan tree and a teacher have a pattern in common.  What I believe is we all, whatever form, are teachers, students, messages and receivers of those messages.  I believe everyone has value in one way or another.  It’s not always easy to understand what we are trying to convey to each other.  I don’t think we should give up trying!

133 – “don’t give up”

Wasp – 59/84/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140…….

*remember, these are only just a few of the meanings of these numbers that I have found for myself and am sharing with you.

59’s – dragon, social, size, gather, larvae, learned

84’s – lesson, daughter, motive, “create life”

109 – struggle

40’s – food, weak

58’s – lunch, want, “eat life”, feeling

25’s – all

34’s – chance, free, heat

134 – information

50’s – easy, fight, numb

150’s – understanding, communication, positive image, energy draining, possession, pure oxygen

“The Wasp” – 92/100/162/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140……..

92’s – thinking, seasons, training, opinion, purging, relative, picture, appetite, day shift

100’s – sources, services, attitude, collecting, culture, acknowledge, accumulate, intellect, boundary

62’s – taking, riches, behaves, noise, hearing, germs, humane, queen, disease, favor, plasma, choices

162’s – “break in routine,” “eyes of the sun,” “to have conscience”

44’s – brain, talk

144 – disruption

54’s – love, sun, voice, chemical, health, acting, breath, bodies

154’s – comprehension, “a feeling process,” “point of view,” autonomous

36’s – child, bite, heard, asp, agree

136’s – evaporation, “life experience,” “human nature,” “mixed signals,” “speaking voice”

42’s – self, new, gift, balanced, rain, war, female, rebel

142’s – profiteering, “we are all related,” temperature, “food is energy ,” “energy language,” brain trust, life purpose,

52’s – earth, seeds, caring, speak, heart, raise, create, birds, crop,

152’s – amber tree resin, positive drama, positive being,

pecan tree – 87/114/128/141/128/141……….

87- person, truth, roots, justice

pecan – 39/98/91/76/117/133/146

98 – killer bees (I found this value trying to figure out why people may have a fear of bees/wasps.  Remember those old Killer bee television shows and movies?  When I was a very small girl I can remember drinking a can of soda without realizing a bee was in the can and I got stung.  I was pretty freaked out!  It wasn’t the bee’s fault but a “seed of fear” was planted that I had to actively overcome through time.  I did this through trying to understand them instead of thinking they were all bad. The same principle I have used towards other insects and life forms to include people.  It’s not easy to do but for me personally, it has been worth trying to do.)

76 – humans

117’s – nurture, “I’m sorry,” dissection, projecting, “broken earth,” humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, cultivated, heartbroken, water falls (If you look at a pecan it looks like a human brain in the shell and they are considered a healthy food for the brain). http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/2016/11/pecans-provide-brain-boost.html

tree – 48/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150……….

https://www.lung.org/ – The American Lung Association website

https://www.arborday.org/ – The Arbor Day Foundation website

helpers – 83/105/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150……..

83’s – wisdom, nerves, non-biased

teacher – 60/116/120/156/128/141/28/141…….

“make peace” = 60