29 May 2023 Memorial Day

Hello to you. It’s another beautiful day and a special one at that – a day to remember all those who have given their lives for this country while serving in the military. One of the best memories I have of celebrating this day was going with my ex in-laws and family to Arlington National Cemetery where they played Taps. Each horn player took a position around the cemetery and at precisely 3 pm they all played Taps.

Taps Across America Returns For 2023 The National Moment of Remembrance is an annual event that asks Americans, wherever they are at 3:00 p.m. local time on Memorial Day, to pause for a duration of one minute to remember those who have died in military service to the United States.

Taps Across America

The last Memorial Day I celebrated with him

Matthew 11:28-30

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

My Uncle Bill came by my little house before he flew back to California

25 May 2023 Collections

Do you have any collections?

Hello to you. How are you? I hope we’ll. Today would have been my birth mothers 80th birthday. Hard to believe how much time has gone by. She passed when she was 26 and I was barely a year old. Also a shout out about the death of the musical legend Tina Turner. She was a big part of my musical life growing up in the 80’s.

Todays prompt is asking about collections and I really only have a couple. I have collected some crystals and when I was married we collected My Little Pony ponies and dragons. When the divorce happened he got most of the dragons as they were his when we married and I got the ponies (they are in my storage room) . In my little place there really isn’t space for displaying collections. I have my crystals in a couple different places – by my bedside and in the kitchen. One nice thing about living in a small house is it doesn’t leave a lot of space for clutter. I am not encouraged to buy more stuff to collect. Just no place to put it!

A good psalm for today:

Psalm 23New International Version

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord

19 April 2023 Never Visit? (Daily Prompt)

What place in the world do you never want to visit? Why?

Hello to you. How is your week so far? In a couple hours I’m going in for an MRI of my head to see what’s going on in there. I’m not really worried about it. If I in fact have Mal de barque syndrome the scan will not show anything. If the scan is negative that means whatever is going on is something I’m just going to have to learn to live with.

Todays prompt is about deciding on a place I would never want to visit and why. I honestly can’t think of just one place! Any place that has high gun violence and that could be any place in the states. The same for overseas – I wouldn’t want to visit Russia or the Ukraine with what is going on there right now. The Middle East always seems to have something going on so I don’t think I would want to go there either. Like I said, it’s hard to choose just one place. When I was stationed in Europe I felt safe to travel but I have heard things have changed since I left.

Here is a beautiful and popular psalm for travelers:

Psalm 91New International Version

Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refugeand my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angelsconcerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

17 April 2023 Dreams

Hello to you. How are you? Today my thoughts turn to dreams. Not the kind when you sleep but the kind you have when your awake. Like having dreams for your life – your future. The reason I am thinking about this is because we had another tragic mass shooting at a teenagers birthday party. Four young people who had dreams and goals for their future were killed. When I have spoken of shootings before I mention that time is taken from first responders. What is taken from the victims and their families is dreams…goals…hope for the future. Phil Dowdell was one of the victims in the Dadeville Alabama shooting. He had dreams of persuing a football career – he had a scholarship. In the passion of one moment – poof! Gone! He was only 18 years old. All that promise, hope and plans for the future erased. My thoughts and prayers go out to the community of Dadeville. I hope those critically wounded and others that were wounded at the party make a full recovery. I hope they will have resources for grief counseling.


Isaiah 40:31New International Version

31 but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

6 April 2023 Community

How would you improve your community?

Hello to you. The prompt for today is a good one. How would I improve my community would be mainly doing a better job with growth planning. Our state is experiencing extreme growth and is scrambling to keep up with it. There are so many new houses being built and the infrastructure is tough to keep up with it – primarily roads. Traffic at certain times of the day is horrendous! We have a lot of people who moved here from California and they left behind traffic jams hoping it would be different here and it’s not. Where you go there you are! You may have left California but you brought who you were when you lived there with you to Idaho.

I can’t really complain too much as I moved here from Texas. Texas was experiencing a lot of growth before I left and that continues since I’ve been gone. People can’t afford to retire in places like California or Colorado so they move to places with lower cost of living. The sad thing is like for here all those people coming here have priced out natives trying to retire or get their first home. The new transplants have made it almost impossible for people to afford a home here with current wages not keeping up with the cost of living. So they are building lots of apartments that the average Idahoan can barely afford to live in. I was looking for a place to rent but couldn’t afford it so I was fortunate to find the tiny home I’ve got.

5 April 2023 Adaption and Covid-19

How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?

Hello to you how are you doing? This day finds me well. It’s a beautiful sunny day. The trees have started budding and flowers are beginning to push up. Definitely feeling like spring!

The prompt today is kind of interesting. I went to the grocery store today and it felt normal. No one wearing masks like before. I think, speaking for myself, unless I’m going to a medical appt, I have adapted back to nearly pre-pandemic behavior. I don’t even really think about Covid or catching it. To me it’s become like the flu – another variation of the flu.

I feel like I have adapted to the changes easily because, like I said, the only place I have to go that reminds me of the pandemic is hospitals. When I go to the VA, for example, they require you to wear a mask. Which makes sense because you can get exposed to people with Covid or other stuff like the flu. When I’ve been to the VA there have been some really sick people there.

29 March 2023 God the Gentleman (free will quandry)

Hello to you. How is your today going? I am doing ok. My thoughts are on my quandry about God and free will. I brought this up last night with the ladies in my Bible study. The answers that came from them were all similar. God didn’t make us to be mindless drones and followers of his word. God is a gentleman who gives us choice – to choose to believe in him or not. Nothing is forced. Emily, the leader of the study gave me a good example. She said imagine you have this friend who every time they go out they do the same thing. Like getting drunk and being miserable for it. You know this about them and suggest they not do it but ultimately it’s their choice. Emily was kind of tackling the all knowing God in her example. God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we are going to do and can put other options and choices – better choices- before us but ultimately we make the final call. When I think of the times I’ve been through with my mental health I got myself in a tunnel. I couldn’t see the better choices because I lost control of my ability to see them. In the Christian community they might say the enemy had hold of me.

I read this morning that the Nashville shooter had been suffering. When we are suffering and don’t have faith and trust in God and the enemy is “driving the car” we make, in her case, fatal choices despite what God wants for us.

I am still struggling with the issue of God allowing mass shootings to go on. I feel like there is a lesson we are supposed to be learning and we are not learning it. For example there is no red flag law in Tennessee to prevent troubled people from purchasing weapons or keeping current guns in their possession. May be this case is another example that lawmakers need to make better choices too. Something like red flag laws should be federal law not just up to each state. That’s just my opinion of course. There is just too much inconsistency when it comes to guns in America.

So I’m glad I was able to talk to Emily and the other ladies in Bible study last night about Gods Grace when it comes to tragedy. There have been all kinds lately to include weather related. The people in Mississippi who lost their lives and or homes to tornados. I wonder what God wants us to learn about that or is it beyond God and a combination of man -made factors – climate change for example. I don’t think anybody is completely ready for something like a tornado. I know when we had one when we lived in Texas it took us by surprise even with the weather service warnings! We were grateful for our lives being spared and minimal damage to our property. It’s got to be hard to have everything destroyed like happened to the already poor in Mississippi. What is Gods plan for these unfortunates? I know after the tornado we had it pulled all of us neighbors closer together.

At the bottom of all tragedy, no matter what kind it is, what good can come from it? What can we learn about God and ourselves? We can choose to crumble or learn and rise above it wiser. It really helped me to hear fellow believers explain God as being a gentleman. We are given a choice and we don’t have to wait for tragedy, reaching our bottom in life, to choose Gods will for us. With these tragedies we are seeing the perpetrators are self will run riot. In cases like these mass shootings, fatally so. Passion takes over reason. I wonder if that shooter knew she was unconditionally loved by God if she still would have gone through with her plans.

28 March 2023 It Happened Again – Why?!

Hello to you. How are you? I am feeling a little overwhelmed by seeing yet another tragedy play out with the school shooting in Nashville Tennessee. No place seems to be sacred. I ask myself why God keeps allowing these to happen even in places of worship. People always retort the same answer, “free will.” If God knows everything, whatever is going to happen before it happens, how can there be free will? Why doesn’t God intervene somehow. The other answer I hear a lot is this is a fallen world we live in to which I ask why did Jesus die again? The answer is usually not everyone accepts Jesus as their savior and so they do things like what happened in Nashville and so many other places. I say access to guns, like this emotionally disturbed person had, makes it so easy for the disturbed and fallen to carry out these violent acts of free will. I ask God often why he allowed guns to be made at all! My life began with my mother ending her life with a gun. They always say if there wasn’t a gun they will find something else. At least the something else gives first responders more time. Time is what is lost with guns used by troubled people.

I like what the woman that asked the media if they are tired of covering school shooting stories. She asked a compelling question, “Why is this still happening” and said it’s just going to keep happening unless something is done. I read how easy it was for this troubled young woman to get her guns and hide them in her parents house.

America is sick with a gun culture. There are many responsible gun owners, I know several to include family and friends. I myself don’t own a gun nor should I with my history of mental health. I hate guns but for some it’s like collecting or buying something to support a hobby. A lot of people like to use guns to support their hunting hobby. Other people are buying guns out of self defense. The other day I saw a man open carrying a hand gun and I found myself feeling a bit unsettled. It would be so easy for somebody like that to turn such a weapon on people in the store. That’s what I thought when I saw it!

The argument that bugs me a lot is regarding good guys versus bad guys having guns. All it takes is one moment of passion to change a good guy to a bad guy. We are seeing it with cops a lot these days.

Something needs to be done from the federal level so that we get some consistency from place to place. Emotionally disturbed people should be a red flag at any place such a person could buy a gun. You shouldn’t be able to sell guns to the public without having the ability to run a background check. I think there needs to be an international database connected from mental health care providers and law enforcement that all places selling weapons would be required to check before selling someone a weapon. There is so much inconsistency in the process from one state to another – one store to another. So many troubled people fall through the cracks of our current systems. So many people with mental health issues are unable to get care and fly under accountabilities radar. I keep thinking of the sniper Chris Kyle who made the fatal decision of thinking taking a troubled vet with PTSD to a gun range was a good idea.

I have to wonder how much more bloodshed the American people are willing to accept? Idaho just signed into law that firing squads are ok to execute prisoners on death row! Seeing such actions make our country seem so barbaric. What I am concerned about is when innocent people are put up for execution.

So when all is said and done, with the system both divine and worldly as it is, I am praying for meaningful change not more empty rhetoric.

20 March 2023 Neurology Appt

Hello to you. How are you? I’m pretty much the same. This morning my Aunt and I went to a neurologist appt. He did tests to see my reflex response like tapping my knees and wrists and touching the bottom of my feet. He couldn’t find anything so wants to do an MRI and see if anything shows up to explain why I’m experiencing the swaying motion when I walk. He was familiar with Mal de barque syndrome but wasn’t aware of any connection between getting tased and brain and nerve damage. So we shall see what happens.

I was grateful to have my Aunt there with me. When I was married, I had my husband with me all the time. Now that I’m divorced I have to rely on family and they are so happy to help! I am truly grateful and blessed to have supportive family and friends.

A reflection:

Lately I’ve been noticing a lot of social media posts from people from my generation reflecting on what it’s been like growing up when we did. I was born in 1968 and it really is amazing how much we have advanced in some ways and regressed in others. With people living longer there is a mich mesh of generations co-existing at the same time. There is a lot of overlapping between generations. A lot of people seem to want things to go back to “normal” and as I see it what we are experiencing is our new normal. Everyone just wants to do and be what they want but there are forces pushing back against it. Specifically the LGBTQ+ agenda. As a woman who has struggled at times with being born a woman and accepting my lot in life I sometimes get jealous of women who have decided to go through with trans surgery. Specifically top surgery I hate having large breasts. A lot of these types of folks end up on Tik Tok and I am drawn to their pages and stories. One person I was drawn to, can’t remember there name but they laid it out that if you are identifying as trans it is a mental illness. You have to get an official diagnosis in order to go forth with trans surgery and hormone therapy. I had never heard someone say that before. I have found drag queens fascinating. My ex and I used to watch Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Most of the contestants were gay and some trans. You don’t just wake up one day and decide these things. Most seem to know early on that they are different. I was probably 5 or 6 years old when I remember telling my Grandma I was supposed to be a boy. I was one of two female grandchildren, the rest were boys. So it makes sense I would think that. I am glad to be a woman despite the drawbacks! When I was a teenager I was anorexic and bulemic and really thin and athletic but struggled with my weight. I had short hair and was often mistaken for a boy! Anyhew it’s interesting to see the generations getting older clashing in social media. Terms like identifying as binary and stuff I just don’t understand. To me, from my own experience, everybody just seems to be trying to belong…to find their tribe. I am trying to find mine again. I had one in Texas but it split apart. I am attending a Bible study with a nice group of women from church. As welcoming as they are I still don’t feel like I fit in. Is team Jesus my tribe? Just as I am?

Since my last psychotic break or episode it’s been really quiet for me spiritually, mentally and physically. As I’ve mentioned before I get real tired easily and that’s probably due to being overweight. There is more of me to lug around. The medications I’m on have brought about silence in the creativity department and my spirituality is quiet too. I’m having trouble finding my tribe – who or what do I belong when at times I don’t have the clarity to express a single thought? This post is the longest I’ve done in a while!

Generation X seems like I’m part of a broken generation. A generation of people that worked until they got broken so now our days are made up of medical appts and new diagnosis! I have seen and experienced so much brokenness. Everything from being born when Martin Luther King was killed to stuff like Columbine, Sandyhook, the Challenger explosion and 9/11. The technology boom in just a short time. I remember computer data being processed on punch cards! I’m 55 years old and sometimes I feel ancient when I reflect on all I’ve lived through. God must have some use for me yet!

I’ll close for now. Just reflecting and thinking about where I’m at and where I want to head this leg of my journey.

41 July 2022 Faces

These are some of my drawings. The glory, the “payment” goes to God.