15 October 2021

Hello. How are you? I’m am doing ok – just real tired. I haven’t been sleeping that well. It was only once around the block today. I’m starting to feel like an old dog!! Must be the cold getting in my bones!

Yesterday I went over to my Aunt and Uncles house for linner (lunch/dinner). They had invited some of their friends and their daughter too . It was nice to have a home cooked meal with such good company. Playing a round of Farkle (dice game) which my Aunt won. Being with them helped me forget my troubles for awhile . For just a couple hours the world seemed happy and peaceful – normal. When I am with my family I feel so loved and cared about. I wish the whole world could know what that’s like. So many lives seem to be in a state of chaos right now.

When I look at the news lately everything is for shit. It’s like there isn’t any hope. Just more of the same crap – fear mongering and scare tactics. All the stuff love can’t buy but money can. If you pay attention to this stuff you have to ask where God is in all of it. I believe God is showing us just how broken we are.

All broken aside, I want to focus on the good stuff. I woke up today. I have wonderful family and friends. I have a roof over my head. Food in my belly. My health is pretty good yet. I have a sweet dog. I have transportation. I want to believe there is enough of what I need in this world. I want to believe my higher power has my back and is looking out for me. No matter how broken this world appears to be, there are moments like I had yesterday. People still caring about each other and coming together in fellowship and love.

So what are you grateful for today? What makes you happy ? How do you stay positive ? I’d love to hear from you!

13 October 2021 Wednesday

Hello there, how are you ? It’s Wednesday or hump day as many people call it. Looks like it’s going to be gray and overcast today.

Yes I’m adorable get back to writing!

When the weather is like this I don’t feel like doing much of anything. All there is for me is writing and writing keeps me going. I’m so grateful for this blog and the people who stop by to visit !

“Who am I in a world of billions, living in a country in debt by the trillions. So many struggling to get ahead, Covid-19 leaving so many dead. Ships stacked with a bunch of goods, shitty sneakers to exotic foods . Water ways starting to run dry, cities scrambling to find a new supply. Who am I in this dream ? Will the human race survive or just keep losing steam ?”

I want to believe this is a world of plenty. It just seems like we don’t manage our resources very well. At some point, on a global scale, water conservation is going to have to be important. I buy water by the gallon jugs from the grocery store. Sometimes when I want to buy water they are out and that kind of scares me. What will have to change in order for us to continue to have enough water? It seems like so many products we use require water as one of its main ingredients .

Just stuff I think about!

12 October 2021 Tuesday

Hello . How are you today? I am doing ok. I finally decided to go get groceries and it wasn’t cheap and a bit of a scavenger hunt. I spent $103 for just me. I was relieved that they had drinking water but it looked like the toilet paper aisle had been raided. I don’t envy the people that work there trying to keep the store shelves stocked !

So I found a YouTube channel that was interesting: Living Life in North Idaho. The host, Trent has lived in Idaho for 30 years and is a realtor. This video done just a day ago mentions Middleton: https://youtu.be/SxrTGg48npY . He does a variety of videos some of which I wish I had seen before deciding to move here!

I thought about buying Halloween candy today but decided not to. This is my first Halloween in the neighborhood and I don’t know what to expect . There are a lot of kids living here but I don’t know if they go trick or treating or if they are just going to go the trunk or treat route. I miss dressing up with my ex husband and handing out candy. We had a steam punk theme and I had my plasma lamp that I would bring out and light up light bulbs wirelessly!

Do you decorate and celebrate Halloween? I’d love to hear about it!

10 October 2021 Small Town

Hello again. This post will kind of tie in to my previous. I am having one of those days where I just need to write !

So I live in a small town in Idaho named Middleton. It’s near Nampa and Caldwell. We are going through a housing boom in this area. All around the existing “old town” people are building really expensive houses. We have one grocery store called Ridleys that all these new residents go to and I’ve noticed shortages especially of drinking water. Most people I know don’t drink water from the tap. They either have some kind of filtration system or they drink bottled water.

I never thought I would live in a world where you would have to pay twice for water . Pay the city so you can flush your toilet and pay the grocery store so you have water to drink. Drinking water is more precious than oil!

I moved to this town for a reason. One of the biggest is finding a house I could afford that wasn’t a complete dump. I considered renting an apartment but couldn’t afford it. For under $200,000 the only properties that were listed were the type flippers dream about . In some cases you would have to level the house to the ground and start over! The tiny house I found, a mere 734 sq ft, was a manufactured home which is hard to get a loan for but was still in my price range at $190,000. A lot of prayers were answered with my finding of the house!

So I live here now what! I haven’t figured out a way to connect with people here yet. The only people I know here in this state are my family. They all work or are busy with their own lives. I have considered starting a Meetup group but am not sure I want to swallow the $69 startup fee! Most Meetup groups are in the larger cities. I don’t want to have to drive all the way to Boise. I have nice neighbors but they mostly keep to themselves or each other. I’m the odd woman out – no husband and no kids.

There has to be a reason beyond this house for me being here. I just don’t know what it is yet. Something I really enjoyed doing for a time was helping people heal. May be once I’m completely back on my feet God will have a plan about that. May be part of my being here is to heal and get strong again. This small town might just be the refuge God wants for me right now .

10 October 2021

Hello to you . How are you? It’s Sunday. I’m writing to you from my little loveseat that I’m currently sharing with two little dogs. We have an overnight guest my Aunts dog named Smokey. Link and Smokey always have a good time together. Both of the dogs are part Maltese and very similar in temperament. They choose their people! If they don’t like you they let you know it!

Two friends

So I should go get groceries but I don’t wanna. I have enough milk to get me by til tomorrow. Truth be told I dread going to the grocery store. I’ve been reading about scarcity and have noticed it myself with things like water and milk. I never thought I would live in a time like this. Then again I never planned on living someplace that is experiencing such drastic growth either!

It’s all part of a phenomenon I’ve noticed for many years. I noticed it a lot when I lived in Colorado and also Florida….unbridled growth. People would visit these places and decide they just had to live there . When you get a bunch of people with this same bright idea before long what they initially loved is gone and paved over with concrete to accommodate all the people. They have destroyed a place with their love. It’s happening here in Idaho and from what it seems all over the country. My neighbor back in Texas told me they are putting in 200 more homes off a already burdened road .

Where are all these people coming from and why? My own move from Texas to Idaho was driven by a divorce. From my experience here buying a home, people are snapping up houses with cash – well over asking price. The only people that could do that have to be coming from higher cost of living places. A lot of the people I’ve heard are doing this are retirement age or close to retirement .

I’ve been reading about and seeing acres of farm land being turned to new subdivisions. I have also heard and read that we are having water shortages. I have to wonder what is the point of having a new house if there is no water to flow into it?!! Water is a finite resource. What is this state going to do to preserve its water resources?

Sigh……

The people that get hurt the most are the people who already live here. Their wages are not keeping up with the cost of living – rising rent and gas prices….everything costs more. A friend of mine was recently job hunting. He has a Masters degree. The jobs that came up only wanted to pay him the same or a little above what McDonald’s would pay a new employee! People have to have liveable wages ! There are shortages all over for jobs that don’t pay worth a darn and don’t offer medical and dental insurance.

It seems like our system is broken. Everything costs more now and I am not entirely sure why. Is is it that there are more people putting a burden on it? Is it due to poor resource management ? For example student debt for doctors . Would we be able to have more affordable healthcare if so many doctors didn’t have student loans to pay off ?

There has to be a better way. I don’t have all the answers – just a lot of questions! I wish leading people who are running these big corporations would take their eyes off their stock portfolios for a minute….stop profiteering. What good is a world overrun by greed? What good is a world where a great majority of people are living with uncertainty, disease and scarcity?

John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness,(H) and the darkness has not overcome[a] it.(I)

6 Nov 2020 Election Day

Hello to you and how are you? It’s been a couple days since I have written again. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the days slip past me this time of year.

The subject that has me preoccupied right now is the election. I didn’t get my absentee ballot requested fast enough so I didn’t get to vote. God must have known I couldn’t make up my mind on who to vote for. I have been following live feeds on Youtube. It seems like Joe Biden is winning but there is nothing official yet. May the best man win.

May the doors that need to open, open. May the doors that need to shut, shut. Amen”” in the English Ordinal system equals 779 (all the vices in check for a no process)

I decided to see what election day came up to in the numbers:

election day” in the English Ordinal system equals 113 (of course a 13) (one one yes, no, may be)

21 May 2020 Feelings come and go

Good morning.  Well Link and I had our walk, eaten breakfast and now some laundry.   I am grateful to be able to do those things after looking at the headlines for Michigan this morning – severe flooding.

I didn’t write yesterday.  My husband had a journal for a little while when he was welding and he said it was a bit like may be a diary of a blacksmith back in the day, “Today, I made a sword.”  The next day, “Today, I made a sword and a hammer.”  It gets real dull after awhile.  I honestly don’t have a lot to write about right now and feel a little dull!

I am still wrestling with myself about whether or not to keep my handwritten journals,  I was talking with someone in the health chat program I’ve been using lately and they brought up a good point.  Feelings come and go but once I get rid of the journals that’s it, they will be gone.   There are memories from my current marriage like playing scrabble with my husbands Grandma before she died.  I am having a real hard time thinking about tossing away stuff like that.

I spoke with my Care manager yesterday about my anxiety issues lately.  He had a lot of the same ideas my cousins wife Tawna, who has a Masters in Psychology, had to offer.  He suggested breathing exercises, yoga stretches, making a safe place for being in and visualizations.  He suggested church groups, prayer, meditation and reaching out like I have been doing with family, friends and chats.  He is calling me once a week now.  It’s helpful to have a professional checking in and being able to talk to him.

Other than that, I am missing affection.  Between social distancing and my husband and I being separated it is hard.  I am grateful to have Link as he likes to cuddle and is affectionate.  We are planning on getting together for Memorial Day (25th).  I hope when I see him and his family there will be hugs even if we have to wear masks!

20 May 2020 – My cuddle buddy Link

 

16 May 2020 Making it another day

Hello to you.  How are you doing today? I’m finding myself in a better place this morning.  I feel grateful to be making it to another day in the circumstances I find myself in.   I am trying to remain grateful.

Last night I had another battle with anxiety.  What happens is I start thinking too far ahead or ruminating on all the uncertainties in front of me and things I can’t control.  Then I start to get that extremely uncomfortable anxious feeling in my gut.   Relief has come from physical exertion and doing normal things.  I am having to relearn what normal things are for myself right now.  I find there are a lot of things I used to do that I just can’t bring myself to do right now.

I really feel like  I am really having a test in my life right now with the concept of mindfulness.  That concept of staying in the present moment.

I am having to ask myself internally a lot, “what can you do about it and if the answer is nothing right now why are you dwelling on it?”  Something my husband used to do for me and now I’m having to do for myself is to remind myself that worrying about things doesn’t do any good.  It’s usually easier said than done he’s right.

The pandemic is still here in Texas but they have really started to lift restrictions so places can open back up.  I went to get groceries yesterday at our local Brookshire’s and some of the shelves were cleared out!  One of the biggest areas that was cleared was the aisle with cleaning supplies – nothing but concentrated Clorox for example.  I can tell they are having trouble keeping some things stocked up right now.  I’m just grateful to be able to get the basics right now.

Well I hope however this blog finds you that you are well.  Everybody is telling me that I’m strong and that I will get through all that’s going on.  I’m just learning to take a few steps at a time and having a lot of faith.

 

13 May 2020 Thinking things through

Good morning to you.  Hope this finds you doing ok.  I’m at another phase of the journey that’s going on today.  My husband and I finally got a chance to talk yesterday.  We agreed trying to do all that we want to do right in the middle of a still evolving pandemic  might not be a good idea.  We are having to think things through.

12 May 2020 – I had to put out a pair of my husbands pants for Link. Link was grieving yesterday after our visit.  He just howled after my husband left.  What my husband and I have been going through has been tough on Link too.  

We know we still want to sell this house but have to make sure Link and I have someplace to go after we do.  The realtor we talked to said with considering what needs to happen to this house, we were looking at $110-130,000 for a walk away on it – we paid $107,000.   I think the low figure has to do with the fact our house is needing another foundation repair.  Those are expensive.  He quoted foundation repair costing about $8-$11,000.  There has been a lot of interior damage because of the house shifting.

My husband was still not very pleased with the realtor quote considering how much they say our house is worth .  USAA is saying our home is worth $180,000 but that isn’t considering the factors the realtor considered and also the realtor is familiar with our town.  He has sold other properties in our area and probably has a good idea of what he can get for it.  So we will have to work on the realtor part.  I think the sale of this place will end up being a flipper kind of deal.  What I mean by that,  is an investor will buy the property, make repairs and then sell it at a higher price than they bought it.  Neither one of us is wanting to put any more money into repairing this place as it is.  So no matter what realtor we choose, we may be stuck with getting not much more than we paid for it in the end of it.

All that said, selling the place will more than likely not be a problem.  If we need to,  we can do a remote closing.  It apparently happens all the time.  The part I’m concerned about is knowing  the place I have to go for certain is 1600+ miles away.  When I got to thinking about all that is involved with that kind of trip, I got cold feet.  It’s not that I’m not willing to do it.   I think if my cousin and his wife are good on their offer to come here to help me drive back there won’t be as much a problem.  I’m just worried about putting us all at risk health wise doing this when the pandemic is still doing it’s thing in this country.

There is also a small part of me that is hoping my husband might change his mind about our relationship.  By talking to him yesterday and  considering all that he has been through with me the past couple of years, it’s not looking good for reconciliation like I would want.  He is adamant he’s not coming back to this house to live.  He is perfectly justified in his feelings and his actions.  There is a lot he could have done.  He could have completely abandoned me and he didn’t and he hasn’t.  He knows I can’t do this all of by myself and seems willing to do his part.  The other consideration is that I am freshly out of the hospital and I don’t want to end up back in one.  We just have to do this right and I think we are.

some info I found about road trips right now:

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/travelers/travel-in-the-us.html

Road Trips

CDC recommends you stay home as much as possible and practice social distancing, especially if you are at higher risk of severe illness.  However, if you must travel, be aware that many businesses (such as restaurants and hotels) may be closed.

Anticipate your needs before you go:

  • Prepare food and water for the road. Pack non-perishables in case restaurants and stores are closed.
  • Bring any medicines you may need for the duration of your trip.
  • Pack a sufficient amount of alcohol-based hand sanitizer (at least 60% alcohol) and keep it in a place that is readily available.
  • Book accommodations in advance if you must stay somewhere overnight.
    • Plan to make as few stops as possible, but make sure you rest when you feel drowsy or sleepy.
    • Bring an EPA-registered disinfectant and other personal cleaning supplies.

Don’t travel if you are sick or plan to travel with someone who is sick.

6 May 2020 Making good choices and could basic income be an option for the US?

Hello to you.  How are you as you visit me here?  I hope this finds you well.  Aside from allergies and being awake way too darn early things are pretty decent here.  When is too early to be awake?  In dog time, from what Link tells me, it’s being awake before the sun is.  As I write, he’s still in bed!

What comes to me this morning is something I’m having to do – learning to accept my part.  What I mean by that is each of us seems to have a part we play on this stage of God’s and mine seems to be the one that I’m trying to accept.  When I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, things seem to go well.  When I’m not, well God lets me know about it.  They were pretty firm about it most recently – tough love is the phrase we are using.

To quote Albus Dumbledore: “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

So it’s  important to make good choices.

I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s hard to know what a good choice is!   In my life so far, it feels like there is a lot of hindsight on the making good choices scenario.  It feels like all too often I am  asked to make a good choice when I’m faced with a set of circumstances and limited data to go on.  As is the case recently, if it’s not me making the choice, it’s me having to trust someone else about it.

My personal barometer, “if it ain’t light, it ain’t right” works most of the time.  If my heart moves in my chest anywhere but center when making a choice, my choice my need evaluating.  Lately though, and I hadn’t planned on this part,  I am acknowledging that when I feel my heart sink into my stomach it might be because I’m being asked to get out of my comfort zone.  How do you tell the difference?!

This is a question facing so many in our world today isn’t it?

making good choices” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – a feeling, being yourself, quality of life, spirit alchemy

With this Covoid19 crisis there seems to be a lot of darned if you do, darned if you don’t!  The right answer, as I’ve been seeing a lot, might not be the popular answer or what other people want to hear.   For example, the debate in our state of Texas has been whether or not to open up businesses again.  Is it too soon?  Are these businesses prepared for the changes they need to make to be open safely?   I am noticing a lot of small businesses being forced to choose between their lives and their livelihoods.  I think if they knew they had some sort of income no matter what, they wouldn’t feel pressure to reopen so quickly.  For many, if they don’t open back up, they face losing their business which affects their lives and the communities they serve.  If they do open back up, they are putting their lives at risk being exposed to a potentially infected public.  They tried to give some of the businesses stimulus checks but it’s not enough to sustain a business for a long period like we are potentially talking about with this virus.

A model that exists and I don’t know if this would work here is Basic income.   May be something like this could help the many unemployed and or those losing their businesses from the restaurant, service, retail and agricultural sectors.   They already have people applying for aide so they know who the folks are that need help already:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basic_income

Basic income, also called universal basic income (UBI), citizen’s income, citizen’s basic income, basic income guarantee, basic living stipend, guaranteed annual income, or universal demogrant, is a governmental public program for a periodic payment delivered to all on an individual basis without means test or work requirement.[2] The incomes would be:

  • Unconditional: A basic income would vary with age, but with no other conditions. Everyone of the same age would receive the same basic income, whatever their gender, employment status, family structure, contribution to society, housing costs, or anything else.
  • Automatic: Someone’s basic income would be automatically paid weekly or monthly into a bank account or similar.
  • Non-withdrawable: Basic incomes would not be means-tested. Whether someone’s earnings increase, decrease, or stay the same, their basic income will not change.
  • Individual: Basic incomes would be paid on an individual basis and not on the basis of a couple or household.
  • As a right: Every legal resident would receive a basic income, subject to a minimum period of legal residency and continuing residency for most of the year.[3]

Basic income can be implemented nationally, regionally or locally. An unconditional income that is sufficient to meet a person’s basic needs (at or above the poverty line) is sometimes called a full basic income while if it is less than that amount, it is sometimes called partial. A welfare system with some characteristics similar to those of a basic income is a negative income tax in which the government stipend is gradually reduced with higher labor income. Some welfare systems are sometimes regarded as steps on the way to a basic income, but because they have conditions attached they are not basic incomes. If they raise household incomes to specified minima they are called guaranteed minimum income systems. For example, Bolsa Família in Brazil is restricted to poor families and the children are obligated to attend school.[4]

 

Basic income” in the English Ordinal system equals 93 – management, growing, therapy, internal, trying, parents

nine three” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 – together, stocking, trust, “to try”

nine eight’” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 – spirit, upgrades, savings, content, emotion, future, growth

nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 – sharing, tracker, humans, species, example, mixing concept

seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 – humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, expansion

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 – a the, innovation, challenge, invitation, grownups, system life

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 – a body, people matter, brain function, peace for the brain, field of study

——————-

https://washingtonmonthly.com/2020/03/18/americans-need-a-basic-income-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak/

While one-time “stimulus checks” are an option— as they were in the immediate aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis—many Americans are going to need longer-term support to weather the coming financial storm. Rather than a single shot of cash, struggling Americans will need an “emergency basic income” (EBI)—i.e. no-strings-attached, continuing cash support, similar to what former presidential candidate Andrew Yang proposed on the campaign trail.

At the time of his campaign, Yang was pushing for a “universal basic income”– a $1,000 per month entitlement for every American. The idea was expensive, impractical. and rife with the potential for unintended consequences. But now, Yang’s original conception, with some important variations, could save millions of Americans from financial catastrophe. That helps explain why its finding new life from proponents l New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (as well as Yang himself). Yet UBI need not be adopted in its original form to do a lot of good; it need not be as generous as an indefinite entitlement of $1,000 a month, nor does it need to be universal. At least not yet.

———————

I currently live on a fixed income so I understand what this is like.  My income doesn’t fluctuate that much so I have to live within my means.  I wonder if this model would work for some of the folks that had small businesses and they had to close them.  Could our country afford this system on a short term basis until be get more stabilized and beyond the crisis?

Anyhew – I’m out of my depth.  People a lot wiser out there on this but that’s just how my mind goes – from small scale to the world.   How do you make a good choice in such uncertain times.  I guess if we are honest with ourselves, now isn’t much different than it ever really was.  There is always risk in decision making.  All we can do is make the best choices we can and hope for the best.   I do hope anyone reading this, if you are in the demographic of folks I’m talking about,  that you have or can get everything you need to take care of yourselves and your families.

P.S.  The Blue Angels are supposed to be flying today – hope I get to see them!