28 May 2026 Vertigo

May 29, 2026May 29, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. Today is day two of my experiencing vertigo. When I turn a certain way I feel the spinning sensation. I haven’t taken a walk the past couple days for fear I would fall since my balance is off.

I had a doctors appointment this morning and it was for my ears and weight. I had a new provider again. I gained 5 pounds since my last visit which was very disappointing . I have been trying to walk and do Tai Chi but it isn’t enough. She changed up the allergy medicines since the stuff I’ve been taking wasn’t working to end the fullness in my ears. I have resolved to myself that I have to stop using Grub Hub – it’s too convenient to getting food that isn’t good for me. I stopped taking the Resilia oil of oregano as it wasn’t working for me. If anything it made things worse! If I can’t lose this weight we may end up getting me on a weight loss pill.

The medications I’m taking for my mental health, Depakote and Olanzapine, are notorious for weight gain. But as I have said, I’d rather be fat than crazy! I have never been this heavy before. I feel at times like I’m wearing a fat suite but I’m not giving up!

https://youtu.be/80LdOhMithw?si=Bil76fLeZYymK0f8 – 10 minute full body Tai Chi

For Strength & Courage

Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” [1]

26 May 2026 Forever

May 27, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. It’s about bedtime as I write to you. I’m not tired yet and know if I try to sleep right now I will just toss and turn. So I will write to you and may be I will get tired!

I was sitting here thinking on what to write about and the word forever popped in. What is forever? As a Christian forever is what happens to us when we die. We die to our physical body and join Jesus and all of our loved ones in heaven for all of eternity – forever. I often wonder what that will be like. For me now I am flesh and bones with my eyes paying attention to my time left here on earth.

I told my therapist this last session that I can feel at times like I am starting to die. My physical health is not as good as it was just a couple years ago. All around me are people my age and younger dying. What makes me so special that I get to live? I have survived many things that take its toll on the body. Facing the end of my second marriage because of my own fault and little that was his really shattered me. Thank God for my family and friends that came to my pleas for help.

Dear Jesus I come before you with my broken self and ask for you to walk with me through what remains of my life here on earth. I love you so much. Thank you for all the earth angels you have put along my journey! Bless those who are like me on this journey. Bless all who are seeking you and may be just are a little lost. Amen.

This song has been with me for many years now. Like Enigma, there is a timelessness to this band:

https://youtu.be/ett1ZgFKw-Y?si=-ks-opUm3ZuUqD79 – Mind in a box – Escape

I awakened in the city to utter darkness.
I was running for hours and hours
through deserted streets.
between all those towers,
there was only rain — only the rain.

I went through doors, I scoured the alleys.
in the rain I climbed ridges.
I walked over bridges, but there was no one there.
I felt deaf, although my hearing was fair.

but there was only silence.
not even the rain…

there must be more.
I need you to quell my fears.
I’ve felt it before.
I need you to shed my tears.

the things I adore.
I need you to feel my pain.
I’m trapped like before.
I need you to stop the rain.

I’ve cast myself into a prison,
with bonds near impossible to break.
I thought my life is built on reason,
but now I know I’ve got to escape.

I’ve depraved myself of all I had,
and thought I need to for my own sake.
I didn’t think I would be so sad,
but without you I cannot escape.
not even the rain…

deep in my heart,
I want you to pull me back.
I’ve kept us apart,
I want you to fix my wreck.

awake with a start,
I want you to enter my mind.
to re-cast my part,
I want you to follow me blind.

I’ve cast myself into a prison,
with bonds near impossible to break.
I thought my life is built on reason,
but now I know I’ve got to escape.

I’ve depraved myself of all I had,
and thought I need to for my own sake.
I didn’t think I would be so sad,
but without you I cannot escape.

escape, it’s not there!
not even the rain…

19 May 2026 Making Your Bed

May 19, 2026May 19, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health

Hello to you. How are you? I just had my appointment with my therapist and she shared this video with me when she asked if I make my bed in the morning – my answer was yes:

https://youtu.be/sBAqF00gBGk?si=HLdfeB1wnQUGcJg5 – University of Texas at Austin 2014 Commencement Address Speech By Admiral McRaven Leaves The Audience Speechless With Great Words Of Wisdom.

Such a seemingly simple thing to do really isn’t. When people sink into deep depression they can barely get out of bed much less make it. With the stuff I have going on with my ears and energy levels mornings are very tough for me.

Band I recently found:

https://youtu.be/6xqRvyUmnHw?si=UffExsdRsw11uqIg – Dead On A Sunday – Goodbye Horses

9 May 2026 Like A Banana

May 9, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, Health, Spirituality and Religion

Hello there! Hope this finds you well. I am home from an early Mother’s Day brunch with my cousins and Aunt and Uncle. This was the first time seeing my cousin Heidi after her four brain surgeries. She is doing so good! You can hardly tell anything has happened to her. She is living proof of God answering prayers. Her hair is short but growing out. She described herself as a browning banana with all her bruises! We thought that was so funny! I think all of us feel like yellowing and bruised bananas these days!

There were a lot of grateful tears shed today. Hearing how grateful Heidi is to God for pulling her through everything really touched all our hearts. She is so brave!

My Aunt put together beautiful spread with charcuterie boards of meat, cheese and fruit. The boys went out and got us ladies bouquets of flowers. So beautiful!

3 May 2026 Part 2

May 4, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you on this warm Sunday evening. How are you? I am feeling weak and tired again. I didn’t go to church this morning. I have just been wanting to sleep and the more I chase it the harder it is. The Olanzapine makes me sleepy and so like last night I was up at like 3 am taking it.

Here is the link for today’s message from Pastor Jason about the prodigal son:

https://youtu.be/zhiU2Soardg?si=Ys8MyM0iAxRHI4uP – Run Baby Run Part 2 – Pastor Jason Boyd

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%2015%3A11-32&version=NIV

https://youtu.be/yxq_6prPABs?si=0TsBKEfPJa-584-3 – Open the Eyes of My Heart – Michael W Smith

Want to See You)

Song by Worship Circle ‧ 2024

Overview Lyrics

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see you high and lifted up
Shining in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You
I want to see You

To see you high and lifted up
Shining in the light of Your glory
Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy

To see you high and lifted up
Shining in the light of Your glory
Lord Pour out Your power and love
As we sing holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
You are Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy (I want to see You)
You are holy, Lord
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy (I want to see You)
Open the eyes of my heart Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You, I want to see You
Open the eyes of my heart Lord
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see You, I want to see You

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Paul Baloche

Open The Eyes Of My Heart (I Want to See You) lyrics © Integrity’s Hosanna! Music, Leadworship Songs, Pt. Nadaku Musik

8 Apr 2026 Pushing On

April 9, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, human rights, Nature, photography, Politics and Government, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How are you doing? Since Sunday I haven’t been feeling so good. I’m writing to you from bed and it’s only 7 pm! Still very light out. I just feel weak and low energy. This too shall pass and I know I will push on beyond whatever this is. The only thing different I’m doing is I have started taking loratadine which is generic Claritin for allergies. The Flonase hasn’t arrived yet. This is another way of tackling the fullness in my ears.

Dear Jesus please be with my Uncle Bill as he navigates issues going on with his heart. I also ask you be with my cousin Heidi as she continues to heal. I ask you to be with the people in war torn countries- let there be peace. I pray you guide leaders at all levels of government – please give our elected officials the courage to stop the mad king! Amen.

2 Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind”

30 Mar 2026 Palm Sunday and The One With The Pool

March 30, 2026March 30, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, dreams, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How are you? I was up early after a night of lots of dreams. Dreamt a lot of shadow people but didn’t get scared this time. I had an appointment with the VA first thing this morning. I was there for a weight and ears check up. I gained a pound since my last visit which was disappointing and as I’ve mentioned before my ears didn’t respond to the antibiotic. We are going to try Flonase nasal spray and Claritin. She suspects my Eustachian tubes may be clogged and antihistamine treatment may clear them. My Aunt said she uses Flonase every night. We have similar allergy problems. She had me take a blood pressure cuff home to do a daily blood pressure check as my blood pressure was a little high. I am really disappointed we aren’t keeping her! Now I have to start over again with a new doctor next visit.

This past Sunday was Palm Sunday. We were in John 5:1-15:

John 5:1-15New International Version

The Healing at the Pool

5 Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. ²Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda^[a] and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. ³Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. ^[4]^[b] ⁵One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. ⁶When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

⁷“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

⁸Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” ⁹At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

The day on which this took place was a Sabbath,¹⁰and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”

¹¹But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ”

¹²So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”

¹³The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.

¹⁴Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” ¹⁵The man went away and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had made him well.

Whenever I hear “Do you want to be healed?” My resounding answer is “YES!” I can imagine Jesus laying his hands on me and my being completely healed.

https://youtu.be/kf6K3NbOOyg?si=kghCMC40nQllvQ2B – The Chosen – Triumphal Entry Into Jerusalem – Palm Sunday

https://youtu.be/JMj1ggINLe4?si=w2V8GPwp37mUN8A6 – The Chosen – Jesus Heals At The Pool

https://youtu.be/Qg7SQeASmMQ?si=AiaKwzBLlgONKXep – The One With The Pool – Pastor Jason Boyd

27 Mar 2026 Blooms

March 28, 2026 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How are you doing? I hope well. Today is day three of taking the Oregano oil – no real change yet. I am in the supposed clean out phase but don’t feel it yet. My Aunt recommended my talking to my doctor about a drug called wegovy. It can help with weight loss. I’m not happy with the side effects I read about- it supposedly slows down digestion which could affect the effectiveness of Depakote I take for being Bipolar. I am pretty sure I would have to pay out of pocket for it too but can’t hurt to ask about it. When I was prescribed a multi vitamin and vitamin D3 through the VA and had to pay out of pocket for both of them.

During the walk today I noticed lots of flowers – especially dandelions. I learned a while back that dandelions are not weeds but natural medicine. Also the bees rely on dandelion as an early food source. I saw but couldn’t capture actual images of bees visiting the yellow flowers. I am grateful to my neighbors who just let them bloom and don’t spray poison on them.

Dear Jesus I pray for this world and all the life within it. May there be peace in the war ravaged regions. I pray especially for the innocent children in these places- shield them from harm. I pray for you to make your presence known – illuminate the dark places. Please be with those dealing with the destruction of their homes after natural and man made disasters. I pray you be with all those who are suffering from Alzheimer’s and dementia. I pray for your presence with the sick, healing, recovering and the poor. Please be with all animals that are suffering needlessly. Amen.

Romans 15:13New International Version

¹³May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peaceas you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

26 Mar 2026 Parasites Within

March 27, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion

Hello there. It’s bed time as I write to you. How are you? This morning was my weekly prayer meeting. LOTS to pray about! I am hoping I will get a good sleep tonight. I am on my second day of taking Oil of Oregano with Black Seed Oil by Resilia. I am hoping it will help me with my bloating and sugar cravings. The reviews have been good so we shall see! I feel with certainty that I have parasites in my gut. After every meal my belly bloats up like I’m pregnant. I know part of the sugar cravings isn’t just parasites begging to be fed but is also the medication I’m on. Depakote and Olanzapine are known for causing weight gain. I am hoping the oregano oil will help me in spite of the medications.

I have been asking Jesus to heal me and I feel like he has been leading me down a path of possibilities to do just that. It’s been a struggle at times as I have gotten so out of shape. Becoming more active each day with Tai Chi and a longer walk each day and changes to what I’m putting in my body are all holistic approaches to healing. I just have to surrender and believe we are on the right path together.

A good prayer for these days we are in:

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi (Prayer for Peace)

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

24 Mar 2026 Beauty

March 25, 2026 by saymber, posted in Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion

View from my back door today- the fruit trees are in bloom. When you get close to them you can hear the humming of the bees.

Hello to you. How are you? Today has been long for me. The fullness in my ears has been really intense the past couple of days but I am pushing on. I have an appointment with my doctor next week. I am curious as to what she is going to say since the ear drops/ear infection treatment didn’t get rid of it.

With my physical discomfort aside, boy is it beautiful outside these days! The fruit trees in my neighbors backyard are literally humming with new life. The bees love fruit trees! We have cherry, apricot, plum and apple trees in our neighborhood. Sadly most of the fruit ends up on the ground or the squirrels and birds eat it.

Matthew 7:16-20New International Version

¹⁶By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?¹⁷Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.¹⁹Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

Ai interpretation of this passage:

Matthew 7:16-20 teaches that people’s true character, especially that of spiritual teachers, is revealed by their actions and life outcomes (“fruit”), not by their words or appearances. Jesus explains that good character produces good deeds, while corrupt hearts produce bad fruit, urging followers to evaluate and avoid false prophets.

https://youtu.be/HAbwGTcPA_k?si=FVOMvUOjN2Q7_hEl – The Chosen – Nathanael under the fig tree meets Jesus

Dear Jesus thank you for yet another day of life. I pray to you for all in this world that need your healing and loving touch. All that need reassurance that you are present in their lives. For with you no one is truly alone in whatever it is they are going through. Amen.