27 April 2018 Quest For Peace

Hello to you this morning. Time for some therapeutic writing! I am, as we used to call our dog Sam, “Grumpicus” again this morning.  Seems to be the way things are going for Kyle and I lately lol!

I don’t about you, but sometimes it just feels like I can’t take “one more thing.” Somehow, by the grace of a power greater than us, we manage! Thank goodness my husband and I don’t have many of the other issues that many American households face each day! Lately it seems life is so complicated and much more stressful than it should have to be!  For example just trying to track down my blood tests for my doctor to make sure I don’t have toxic levels of Lithium in my blood. Everything got sorted out this morning but this is the third time we’ve been through this.  This morning I went to put a new bottle of Windex in the car so we can keep our windows clean.  Well I noticed the back window, which has a tint sheet on it, was bubbling even more than the last time I looked.  It can make it unsafe for backing out when it’s like that.  Anyhew, I said f-it and pulled all the tinting out and boy did that stink!  Just one more thing!  Our 2014 Ford Fiesta has been a challenge ever since we bought it.  We probably won’t buy another vehicle from Ford and can’t really afford to invest in another car at the moment.  We found out this morning they are going to be discontinuing their smaller car lines anyways: https://www.msn.com/en-ca/autos/news/ford-to-discontinue-almost-all-its-cars-in-north-america/ar-AAwp0FY.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had less bills to keep track of? One bill for the house, medical (to include pets), telephone/internet and car?   I really wish there was a way to simplify my household finances.  There are days I just feel so overwhelmed I don’t want to do anything!  Missing one thing can mean having to pay a penalty.  I haven’t been in the best frame of mind lately and neglected to check my email.  Because I didn’t check it, I missed a couple of credit card bill notices and ended up getting charged a fine for it!

Sometimes I want to just go back to renting versus owning a home and car.   Kind of like what they used to do for military housing or whenever I rented an apartment.  It would make it so much easier for people who are in job professions that require them to be away a lot and move frequently.  In my opinion it would be helpful for the handicapped, disabled and elderly to be able to keep up with their home maintenance responsibilities.  When we first bought this house, there was a warranty with it.  If anything went wrong, we just had to call a number and a company checked out by the warranty company would be sent out to do repairs etc.  Having this sort of system could potentially create jobs and help bring some accountability back into businesses that are typically contracted for home repair etc.  Speaking from personal experience, it feels like you can’t even really count on the Better Business Bureau (BBB) when trying to find reputable companies to do work at our house.  We’ve used the BBB several times since moving here to Texas and we still had problems.  We don’t feel like paying a service fee for a similar company, say Angie’s List,  and probably run into the same problems!

In the car arena, I saw on the news this morning that there is something some companies are doing. They are charging a subscription fee for cars.  You pay a fee and don’t have to actually have to own the car. In this article the vehicles are pretty high end, $1,000 a month and a one time $500 activation is a bit steep but if you consider how much you pay in total to maintain a car and keep it insured, definitely an interesting idea! https://www.bizjournals.com/columbus/news/2018/04/25/dealer-adding-porsche-range-rover-more-luxury-to.html.

There was heart-warming news this morning from Korea.  They are really moving towards making peace between the two countries.  Speaking as a veteran, this is what I want to see more of in this world!  I watched some of Mr. Kim’s speech and got a really good feeling about things.  I want to believe this is a genuine move by both countries.  By their doing this, they are definitely leading by their example.  Some may call me naïve, but I am so proud of North and South Korea right now! I said a prayer for these countries today and hope that this can be an example for the rest of the world – peace is possible!

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/koreas-set-bold-goals-peace-by-year%E2%80%99s-end-and-no-nuclear-arms/ar-AAwpo0G?OCID=ansmsnnews11

North and South Korea Set Bold Goals: A Final Peace and No Nuclear Arms

Watching these two world leaders was just what I needed to see this morning. They are “being the change they want to see”, to paraphrase a quote Mahatma Gandhi said long ago. For the past couple of years, I am having trouble finding peace within myself and my immediate world.  Seeing these two men today is inspiration for me to not give up trying! We are talking peace between two entire countries which is epic when you consider how hard it can be to attain peace within your very own skin!   If I can find a way to bring that sort of peace between the two “countries” within myself, I think things will get better at my house.

I think as a way to help myself get into a better frame of mind, I will be making some dog beds today out of old shower curtains and old pillows we have that the cats used to use. Not sure if I’ll sew things by hand or get out the sewing machine.

27 April 2018 – I am contemplating a sewing project today. My allergies have been acting up so it’s something I can do inside. I am going to use old cloth shower curtains.

Advertisements

24 April 2018 Drawing and Personal Difficulties with Laws

24 April 2018 Compass drawing today. The one with the red flower kind of looks like a Litten from Pokémon lol.

As you might be able to tell from my previous posts, I’ve been in a pretty negative head space the past couple of months.  Today the weather was really nice and so I decided to do some chores outside which included taking the weed whacker to our lawn (our electric mower stopped working), laundry with my husbands help and I did the drawing I’m sharing (hopefully you can make it out, using my old camera!).   Doing these things and having my husband and dogs around helped me too.  There have been a lot of things going on lately that have been setting me off, but I’ve been trying to deal with things the best I can.  Doing things like chores, crafts and listening to music really help.  I’ve started on another corner-to-corner blanket and that helps me when I’m restless watching television and also helps with winding down my mind before bed.  I haven’t been reading as much as I normally do but that’s ok.  It’s been a long time since I had a book/story that has kept my attention.

Yesterday I had something come up with people putting business cards and flyers in the mailbox trying to get us to call them for yard services.  I got pretty upset and walked some sensitive letters I wanted to mail out down to the post office.  I was concerned at finding someone had been in my mailbox that they might also mess with the mail I wanted to send out.  Sometimes, with the way I can be and my military background, I can get paranoid like that.  My husband and I very rarely, if ever, have hired a person to do yard work unless they have been recommended by a trusted family member and or friend.  One time, recently, we took a chance to allow a young person to rake leaves and kind of regretted doing that in hindsight.  He basically got money for doing nothing.  I was just trying to be charitable to him and ended up having to go behind him and do most of the work!  I am actually surprised his parents let him go to people’s houses like that unsupervised to begin with!

Anyhew!

Walking to the post office wasn’t a wasted trip.  It was great exercise and I found out that it’s actually illegal to put business cards or flyers in people’s mailboxes!  After I found this out, I felt guilty and like a hypocrite!  I think a year after we moved here,  I had tried to ask people, via flyers on the mailbox, if they wouldn’t hire Kyle and I to walk their dogs.  I have also put Christmas cards in people’s mailboxes in the neighborhood instead of handing them directly to them and you can’t do that either without putting postage on the letter!  So I learned a lot and felt like a hypocrite for getting mad at people for stuff I was guilty of myself.  This happens to me from time to time and it’s a humbling experience for sure!  I did some research on my own, as the folks at the post office said there is like a $300 fine.  What I found on this was from way back in 1997!  Here is a link:  https://www.gao.gov/products/GGD-97-85.  When I went to their official site, I couldn’t find a current answer to my questions.

To me it seems like we have a lot of laws in America that should be reviewed by somebody.  Are the existing laws really necessary and if so, are they actually being enforced?  The example I shared is an existing law that is not being enforced at the small town level.  With how large one mail carrier’s route is, how can they be expected to take care of these violations?  Are such violations merely the responsibility of the United States Postal Office or are they also the responsibility of local law enforcement?

I feel bad for everyone on this deal to include the people like me who can’t afford to start a business in the conventional way and are trying to find a way to make money.  Not everyone can afford expensive advertising using conventional means to get someone’s attention!  Around where I live, trying to start a lawn business is very popular.   When you try to just start a business on your own, however, there is a catch.  For example if I had actually got anyone to let me walk their dogs, what would happen if I got bit or hurt while doing it?  I didn’t have references, wasn’t licensed, bonded and or insured like a professional dog walker would be.  If something had happened while walking a dog, it would have been all on me and I would be held liable.  My husband and I aren’t exactly independently wealthy to be able to afford getting sued by somebody!  There are similar things involved with lawn service or any other kind of business.  Hiring someone who doesn’t have references, isn’t licensed, bonded or insured to do any kind of work is taking a big risk.

When I was growing up, mail was delivered directly to your front door instead of a box.  Then they had neighborhood mailboxes  for a time and they went away.  If I wanted to, I could pay extra for a P.O box but that would mean walking and or paying for gas to drive and pick up my mail every day.  Really kind of a mess isn’t it?!  We’ve had mail delivered via UPS or FedEx before and it’s gone missing before.  I don’t understand what happened to just having a box attached directly to your house but that’s just me.  There seems to be a lot of inconsistency in the postal and legal system here in the U.S.

This is just my opinion and I wanted to share this experience as it might help enlighten someone about this issue.

19 April 2018 Elections Dilemma

Hello to you. It’s Thursday as I write to you in your where and when. Have you ever had a lot on your mind? Have you ever had a bunch of things you think you should do but just can’t bring yourself to do any of the things you used to do? My current dilemma is voting in the upcoming elections in our town. I have seen signs around town telling me who is running for office, but I don’t know who these people are. There are a lot of issues I’m concerned about but don’t even know if my going to vote will have any impact. My husband and I have voted before and just didn’t feel like our votes counted. I guess I’m experiencing a bit of apathy about things like this.  All of what I am sharing is from my own personal experience and so keep that in mind if you decide to read what I’ve written here!

There are several major concerns for me.  They are ongoing issues we’ve been dealing with as a community since my husband and I moved here back in 2009.  We  have tried to do something about many of these things but little has changed.  Many of the issues are town has had to face are so expensive, like the city water system, that it’s been a very slow walk to getting things dealt with.

Am I a bad person if I don’t choose to vote on 5 May 2018?

Well it would make me a hypocrite of sorts. My husband and I have been hard on people in the past when they told us they weren’t going to vote.  For the 2016 election, my husband and I went and voted. We each voted for we who we felt would best serve the country.  We prepared as best we could.   I voted for a candidate that was a 3rd party candidate.  My hope was that if enough people would do so, we would have the option for future elections.  Unfortunately, my thought process didn’t seem to make a difference.   It seems, as is customary,  most people voted along party lines.

I feel like we need more choices….more options.  There is a quote I have read somewhere,  by Mark Twain that says “if voting truly mattered, they wouldn’t let us do it.” I guess it’s a darned if you, darned if you don’t kind of set of circumstances. If you don’t vote, you kind of give up the right to complain about the results but ironically….we still complain anyways regardless of how things go!

There is a part of the voting process I have a problem with, the electoral college.  It feels like with this system in place, the value of our votes is somehow diminished.  When my husband and I lived in Delaware, it was primarily a Democratic state. We registered as Democrats.  We voted in the 2008 election and felt like our vote mattered.  Now we live in Texas, which is primarily a Republican state. We are still registered Democrats.   Knowing what we do about the Electoral College, it felt like our vote in the 2016 election was pretty much irrelevant.  It seems like, as I look back over the past couple of years, there is a divine plan at work.  For those of you who read my blog on a regular basis, you know that there has been a part of me wondering if this wasn’t some reverse psychology experiment to try to repair our damaged country.   I want to believe positive changes are manifesting as I write today!

So what do I do for this upcoming local election right??  Not vote and risk losing the option or vote and get a resentment? I’m just not sure yet what I will do.  My Mom, for the last elections in her town, and I’ve done this too, got ballots prior to the election.  She did this so she could research what was up for voting before she went in and cast her ballot.  There doesn’t seem to be an easy, unbiased way to research candidates especially for local elections. Not everyone has easy access to the internet. I don’t know if my town has ballots people can pick up to read and information about candidates. Sometimes I’ve seen stuff like this at the public library.  I wonder if they have ever considered mailing them out to all those in their water bill system?  We get both an electronic and paper copy of our bill now.  We tried to pay online, but there is a service fee and we chose not to participate.

I would like to see more diverse representation of life for our town. For one local election a few years ago, one of the candidates, a woman, actually walked around and came to our door to talk to us. We ended up voting for her but she lost to incumbents holding office. We had a lot of admiration for her being willing to actually take the time to talk to us in person so we could put a face with the name on the ballot. Right now, as it stands, I do not feel qualified to vote for our local election.   I have a lot of concerns I think a candidate should know about and hopefully address in their tenure in office.

I am concerned about our drinking water and personally concerned about living next to natural gas lines running along utility lines along a major road.  The soil in which the lines are running is expansive clay soil and next the lines are several electrical and internet lines.  I was very upset when they fracked the natural gas well in between our middle school and junior high school.  We had a gas leak a couple of years ago and didn’t find out about it until a neighbor who used gas in their house told us about it.  Why aren’t there sensors all along the lines or are there?  Are they being monitored so if something goes wrong people are directly notified?  If not, why not?!  We have natural gas lines running all through our town and it really kind of scares me.  I’ve written about the issues we’ve had since we moved here many times.  I have deleted many posts just because it seemed like a moot point because it just keeps happening.  I feel bad for the person running our town, heck our state.  It must be very difficult to be responsible for managing something like a city, state or country.  So much money is required to maintain what seems to be a crumbling infrastructure.  For our town, a lot of those repairs are chronic and homeowners like myself end up paying more than once for what it takes to extract energy from the earth.  We have spent thousands of dollars on our home and all the repairs we’ve had to make are not covered by our home owners insurance.  I know with all energy systems there is risk, but natural gas is particularly scary for me.  Even though we don’t choose to use it in our home, we are still subjected to the risks our neighbors incur by choosing to use it in their homes and businesses.

We are getting a new subdivision down the street when we have so many other pre-existing things going on that are not be addressed it seems. The other day I was using a pot of tap water with some essential oil in it and it cooked all the way down. There was a white powder residue at the bottom of the pot! I have seen this same white powder on my soaker hose that we use to water the grass and that’s part of the reason we don’t drink tap water in our town.  We reported the problem to the city and they came out to investigate.  They told us just to run the lines to clear it which didn’t make sense to me.    We have had reoccurring problems with regards to drinking water ever since we first moved here.  I have a health condition and have to take medication as do many other people in our area.  There are many families with elderly and young children.  I hope the water is safe.   Personally I would like to be able to trust the tap water and stop having to feel like I need to buy water in plastic containers from the local grocery store.

I hope that whomever is elected will ensure each department has enough staff.  A couple of years ago, prior to the contract being approved for the subdivision near completion down the street,  I warned the city that they needed to make sure we had adequate resources for growth. Just the traffic alone is a concern.  With 120 units going in,  with a minimum of 2 cars per house, that’s about 240 additional cars being added to the traffic on North Cummings.  There are currently only two ways out of the subdivision and in the event of an emergency, this could prove to be a hardship for the families living there now.  I think the city still has the option, to create another exit point.  I have been told the RV Park owns the property that would be required to make another exit point for the neighborhood.

I hope the people who plan to run the town are going to make sure we have the dog park that we were told by other citizens was promised some 15 or 20 years ago.  A lot of people have dogs in our town.  I have tried to participate in local politics.  I served on the Planning and Zoning Committee, the Parks board and my husband and I used to attend City Council meetings.  We stopped having anything to do with most things going on in town after what happened with the subdivision process.  I was pretty hurt about it.  I went before the council and spoke for probably 15 minutes with my Mom, my husband and another neighbor present.  I didn’t feel we were prepared for what adding so many more people to the town would mean and what I said didn’t seem to matter.  It was like they had already decided what they were going to do and just let me talk anyways.

Sigh….such is local politics and pretty much every layer on up to the White House in my opinion. It’s so complex and so hard to find a middle ground for just about anything it seems. I am going to be praying about what I should do and do a little research to see if there is anything on the City web page about the election: http://www.cityofalvarado.org/.

I hope something here is helpful to someone out there.  I’m not trying to put a stick in the hive.  I am just sharing my own personal experience with the voting process from a perspective at the lowest level and I hope it’s helpful.   Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself what you would do if you were in similar circumstances.  You can decide to do nothing or to at least try to speak up.  Writing is pretty much the only way I have found for myself that I can try to make any sort of difference for hopefully the better.

26 Aug 2016 – I wrote this in my pink spirit book while waiting to get a military identification card and it seems appropriate to share with all this:

We choose our anger

We choose which

Direction we look

We choose our hallowed ground

Our battlegrounds

For war or peace

Each space between an action

A thought unspent

A choice

A promise kept

It’s so easy to choose

A reflex….a flash

Buying a way out

With someone else’s cash

Whichever direction

We choose to fill the space

In between thought and deed

We best avoid reliance

On the currency

Of greed……

 

17 April 2018 Edits and ideas about the future I would like to see

Hello to you.  I hope that wherever and whenever this finds you that you are having a good day.  This phrase where and when comes from watching a scientist named Mehran Tavakoli Keshe of the Keshe Spaceship Institute.  Ever since I started to try to follow his work back in October of 2016 I think it was, I have planted a seed in my heart for his work.   It was so exciting to see what he and all the wonderful people also inspired, are trying to do with the technology he is sharing.  He inspired me to try more experimenting in my kitchen!  Seeing and hearing what he was proposing made me think of the visionary Gene Roddenberry of Star Trek.  When I was in the United States Air Force, my dream was for their to be a purple force.  I talked about this with many people I worked with.  My vision was for all branches of the armed forces to unify for one mission of peace.  I would love to see people, if they wanted to, to be able to join with others to go to regions of the world and be goodwill ambassadors of peace-making.  I would love for them to be able to hug people, help people get on their feet again and not have to worry about their well-being or safety.  It is a utopian view I know….probably even childish in a way but that is my way of thinking.  Not everyone would necessarily share my point of view especially if they have been on the receiving end of unfair activities.  It is not my place to say….”above my pay-grade.”

I wanted to recommend to anyone who regularly reads my writing here of the many, sometimes, severe edits to the blog.  I have deleted countless pictures, my art and words out of concern for others.  My original intention at starting this blog was to write for myself like a journal and it has become much more than that.  I have censored myself and part of this is because I would take some time after I wrote something and realize I didn’t have all the facts or was writing about things I didn’t know everything about.  I only had my perception or view and my sources were from the internet which aren’t always reliable.  Even the sources I thought I could count on seemed to have faults with them or someone would say or write something to discredit them like snopes.com.

Ironically, it is from President Trump and his proposal of “fake news” that I started to question even myself but this isn’t a bad thing.  Not everyone would agree with me.  I decided some time ago, after disputes about his Presidency were creating rifts between my family and friends, that possibly our parents knew something I didn’t.  I started to think about him differently, like a “Trump” card.  I began to wonder if he was actually trying to help us in the opposite way we might expect.  I wondered if everything he and other world leaders were doing was their way of attempting to fix this mess we have been in without our even realizing it.  I began to wonder if he might actually become of the greatest presidents we’ve ever had and I say that not knowing if he was conscious of his behavior.  I decided that I would change my perception of him like I have done for anyone I have come to know in world history, to include  Adolf Hitler.  What I came to understand, for myself, a long time ago is that based on my life, who am I to judge anyone?  I don’t believe anyone is perfect and I don’t believe perfection even exists.  Someone once said, there is perfection in imperfection and I believe that.  This is just me and my opinion.  Everyone has their own opinion and personal perspective on this life and I respect that.  Sometimes it’s hard to get many “passionate” perspectives to communicate but I believe it is possible if we find a way to agree on what we have in common.  This is a good place to start and many very smart people have shown me this by their example.

I am nattering on as my friend Les often says of herself in her letters lol.  I hear my neighbor cutting their lawn at the moment and my back yard is very high but I wouldn’t be embarrassed if anyone saw it.  I don’t choose to cut my yard anymore for more than just not having a lawn mower (we tried an electric/corded mower and it didn’t work out).  I worry about all those I harm when I cut the lawn.  I have wounded crickets and other beings by mowing and those wounded have come to me while I’m in the backyard.  We became “friends” and I started to realize the connection between us and nature through these wounded insect warriors.  If you look at life at each level, it’s all the same but just a little different.  So I try to do the least amount of yard work that I have to so as not to harm anyone.  I could hire people to take care of the yard etc., but I know they aren’t like me.  I keep the front yard to “city” standards (like military standards) but don’t like doing it anymore.  I used to cut the lawn and not care about the other lifeforms but once I started to care about them, to include all the trees trying to make new families, my entire perspective changed.

Some of my greatest teachers are like the cottonwood tree in my neighbor’s yard that was struck by lightning instead of our house.  They let their offspring, seeds, go and sometimes they land on fertile soil and sometimes they land at my back porch or in my HVAC unit.  During an outside  meditation I had some time ago,  I started to think of what these trees do.  I began to think of symbiosis and  how life on this planet may have started.  There is a nature photographer, his name escapes me but I shared his work here before, that inspired me to think of nature in this way.  This is ONLY A THEORY not a fact!  Here is a post I wrote about this some time ago: https://saymber.com/2015/05/07/7-may-2015-in-the-beginning-there-was-symbiosis/.   I am providing the link but will have to edit this.

5 Feb 2017 – I did this yesterday and it was very therapeutic drawing so many little boxes to form a Pecan Tree 🙂

Sometimes I link articles and items of interest to me from other places to give my sources.  I don’t always know if I have permission to share what is on the internet here.  I will be doing less of that in the future.  If anyone should come across something I’ve linked and or shared and you would like it removed, please let me know in the comments section of this blog.  In order to make comments, I think, but am not sure, you must have an account.

 

18 Feb 2018 Who are we now?

Hello to you.  It’s 11:45 am on this cool, gray Sunday.  I just wanted to share a positive word.  I feel like I am discovering a way to be useful in this world, and it’s not an easy process but a process just the same – seeking and finding the positive things in people, places and things.   I used to be really good at this – when I was a child of course.  Well thankfully, inside, I still feel my inner child very much alive!  The part of me that our Sam taught me to hold on to – there are no strangers in this world, just family you haven’t met yet.  Not just friends, FAMILY.  Why do I say that?  With my understanding of God as energy.   If everything is energy and everything is God then that makes us all – every single form of life know and unknown – family!

Anyhew.   In my meditation this morning, the message that came forth was about how the past can hang and or trip us up to getting to where we want to go.  I have shared this before here but I will share it again:  “It’s not who we were in the past, it’s who we are now.”  The God of my understanding doesn’t care about the past because Time is our device.  The God of my understanding doesn’t care about what mistakes we’ve made in the past only if we don’t learn from them and intentionally keep repeating them.  If we don’t even try to make amends to those we’ve wronged to include ourselves.

As I sat outside doing this drawing and meditation a thought occurred to me for places we could start making amends – prisons of all kinds, nursing homes, mental health facilities, rehabilitation centers and our churches.  All the places for humans, animals and plants that could be considered cages.  Unconditional love and forgiveness has not been taught or learned by many.  What if we were to work together starting in a place we all share….the heart?  Just a thought…an idea with a positive intention and or motive.

 

13 Feb 2018 Seek First to Understand

Hello just a quick post.  I wanted to share some thoughts that came to me today.  I had been feeling anxious and my brain was running pretty fast and I’m tired from not sleeping so well the past couple of nights.  So I grabbed my chalks, even though it is cold out (if you dress appropriately the cold isn’t so bad), and these thoughts came to me….specifically the words of one of my favorite prayers.  The part about seeking to understand versus always being understood specifically.  Most of my life I’ve tried to do the understanding part but it’s not always easy.  Sometimes you want others to “get you” to understand why you are the way you are and you can’t tell them the whole story of why because they have their own problems too.   It’s hard to focus on other people’s “stuff” when while they are talking, you are thinking about your own self the whole time….”what’s in this for me?  why should I care?”  It’s hard to be selfless and empathetic and or caring and also take care of, even “protect” yourself from others stuff.  This is where compromise, respect, treating others like you would want to be treated and healthy boundaries and all that good stuff comes into play.

Anyhew – hope something here resonates.  One person can’t fix a mess as big as the one we’ve got here on Earth.  I know I didn’t make all this mess but I did have my part in all of it.  We each have a part in the mess and have to find our way of working towards a loving, peaceful, non-violent solution to it.  It didn’t happen overnight!  The phrase that keeps coming to me, “Trust the Process.”  For me that means having faith in myself and the God of my understanding that there is a plan in all of this.

 

12 Feb 2018 Blue TV Screen (dreams) and Time to make amends (edited version 17 April 2018)

(edited 17 April 2018)

Hello to you.  Just a short note to help me process a couple of dreams that woke me from my sleep.  The first one was scary until after I processed it and went back to bed.

What happened is I dreamt I was in bed and Link was next to me and kept growling like he really does.  Then he was on top of my legs like he was protecting me from something in the room.  There was someone there but I couldn’t see them but Link could.  I got up out of bed and was able to see in the dark.  I was slapping my hands together in front of my face like someone was there trying to get inside me.  I was yelling at “them” to “get out!” over and over again. I chased them to the living room and I saw a blue television screen in the darkness and whoever, whatever was in front of it and just disappeared and the tv shut off.  I woke up yelling and screaming which of course upset Kyle.    The living room the dream was in, was like mine but in a different “configuration.”

What came to me, trying to process this dream and calm myself down, was it was not meant to scare me, it was information.  Recordings are like the Horcruxes  in Harry Potter.  We “choose” who had immortality in this process (tv, movies, books and music).  The energy of our attention (adoration) and the emotions attached to what we watch determines what kind of immortal those recorded will be.  Often conflicted.  This brought forth E=Mc2 from my reading about Albert Einstein’s life.  About how yesterday I came to understand Hiroshima was like splitting God into two parts – turning energy against energy….God against themselves!  What came to me this morning also was remembering about God being a jealous God in the Old Testament,  isn’t jealousy a human emotion?  What I have come to wonder is if Time is God’s way of both punishing and loving us for making mistakes like Hiroshima.  Like them saying to us, “I will give you “time” to make amends.”  I visualized us, this whole earth being like one of God’s snowglobes.   Who else but a God could make Time?  I know….out there to think such things but that’s how I think – how things are “alike” more than “unalike” which is a phrase I have heard from poet Maya Angelou.  It is in this way of thinking I have come to this God of my understanding.

 

The second dream was very short but woke me up also because it was so vivid.  It was about being in church or somewhere like it and reading a passage and it being the same frequency as someone else reading it.  Then for the second time I go back and there is a young man with dark hair and eyes with those black horned rimmed glasses who is like a “substitute” for someone else when I come again.  He wants to read with me and just before I begin to read I can hear him whisper  “I love you.”  Then I woke up.  There are a lot of people I admire, of many different walks of life, that wear those sort of glasses so it could have been anyone.

Recently I bought a book about the life of Albert Einstein written by Elma Ehrlich Levinger from Half Price Books in Burleson TX.  I haven’t quite finished it, but what I have read so far has been very interesting.  I remember hearing or reading something about him saying that he hoped when he closed his eyes after looking at the moon that it would still be there when he opened his eyes.  He would have been an interesting person that I would have liked to meet to talk to him about my perception of God as energy.  I have had many people teach me about energy.  One recent person was Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer.   I really enjoyed season 1 of his show and learned a lot from it and also his web site.  He taught me about better ways to walk our dogs by understanding that our state of mind when we walk our dogs can literally be sent through the leash to the dog we are walking.  I had at one time expressed a hope that he could come to Alvarado TX and help our Animal Control folks with all the large dogs they are having to find homes for.

Before Cesar was a man named Nikola Tesla.  Nikola is a man from history that I feel is so important and I am so grateful he existed.   Many years ago, I lived in Colorado Springs Colorado where they had a museum dedicated to his work there.  I regret never having made the time to go and see it.  He is a man from history, along with several others, that I kind of had a crush on lol.  I think this is because they remind me of my Dad when he was a young man.  My Dad was very handsome when he was younger and like me, didn’t really get a chance to enjoy the person he was then.  My Dad did his very best to make sure I had food, clothing and shelter all by himself and this was very difficult.

I’m not very close with the family of my past for many reasons.  Since moving here to Texas, I have had several problems that were similar in nature to what my Mom Jeanne went through.  I think, but do not know for certain, that this might be a contributing factor to our distance.  When I am around family and people from my past, old baggage gets unpacked in my head and this is very difficult for me.  I am hoping that for my future, I can get a fresh start.

To close, something really important about what I’ve shared here is principles I learned from attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings.   In AA we learned about the 12 steps and also about making amends to those we have harmed.  Sometimes, I have found from my own experience, it can do more harm than good to make amends with some people.  Sometimes it’s better if you just go your own separate ways.  I have had to do a lot of healing on my own, away from the people of my past.  Having those same people back into my life would possibly cause me more personal harm than good.  It’s not to say I don’t want that the people from my past to exist and have their own lives, they just don’t have to be part of my current life.  It is my right as a human being to decide who is and who isn’t part of my life.

There are people in the world I haven’t met yet that I would like to meet.  I will turn this over to the care of the God of my understanding, energy.  I hope something here has resonated with you.  This edit, 17 April 2018, is me revisiting past blogs that I have here and providing more details or context.  I am not a healthcare professional, a doctor, a scientist or anyone like that.  Please, as you read what I write here, use discernment and or critical thinking.  Read and then decide for yourself if this resonates with you.  If it does not, please keep searching for your messenger.   Whatever I share here comes from one place, my heart and love energy.

My husband and I go over these blogs before I write them and he sometimes reads them on his own.  I hope reader that you have a good support system to help you today.

(A personal request I have is if you choose to use any of the material here, any of my pictures or art that you do so with the same intention with which I intended, not for profit.  There are people in this world who can’t afford to buy books or attend self-help workshops and might benefit from what I share here.  My intention at making this blog was never to profit from it, just to try and help anyone who might stumble into it.)

10 Feb 2018 Houses and Becoming (17 April 2018 edited version)

Hello again. It’s cold and getting colder by the minute as I write. Today will be an inside day I think! This morning I finished working on the blanket I started working on back in January of last year! It’s a corner to corner pattern that my friend Erin and Red Heart Yarn taught me how to do and it’s pretty much the only one I use now lol.

I did get out for a quick chalk meditation this morning and some interesting stuff came forward. For many, what I am sharing with you may not resonate with your belief systems, culture, morals or value system…may seem strange even. You may not agree with what is here and that is perfectly fine! Everyone has a comfort zone….a “warm blanket” if you will. I am just passing on what came to me with no expectation from you the reader.

A phrase kept popping into my head this morning, “Old God’s in New Houses.” This is a phrase that came from a film called Queen of the Damned and sadly, one of my favorite female musicians was in it, Aaliyah.  After Aaliyah died in a terrible plane crash I was devastated.  It is so sad to me that such a tragedy should happen to such a talented young woman as she was.  Every time I see the movie, I am reminded of what a great loss was suffered by the music world at her passing.

Who are you? Did you know once a long time ago but the world beat and or numbed it out of you? I am hoping to empower you to be who God brought you here to be. To remember who you are and if you can’t and want to, do the work here in this shared dream this planet-sized school we are all in, and find out!

When I think of Aaliyah and from my own personal experiences of what I’ve observed in the world, this seems to be happening.  Have you ever met someone and felt like you met them before? What was it about them?  A look, a gesture, a walk, a way of speaking, something they said, sharing sentences…a smell?  Some of this is just nature of course but I believe there is more to it than that.  Perhaps on some level you have or did. If you think about the entire cycle of life, death and new life why would that not be possible? What if the energy all around us, capable of making an entire planet full of life, not have such a system? Recycling? Repurposing? What is energy? To me? God! What is God? Life, death and new life. How do we get there? It’s a process and it takes time but it is eternal.  I believe the Gods of many understanding and my own have kept their promise to all of us with this beautiful blessing of earth.

The  most valuable lessons I have learned from this life thus far has come from my observance of trees and nature.  The tree of life symbol from various different religions and walks of spirit is what resonates with me the most.  I believe that whatever we feel we have lost in the passing of someone we love is returned to us beyond measure.  This happened with our loss of our precious fur babies Sam, Blondie, Amber and May.  In the void left by their passing, they have returned to us in other ways.  I see their return and presence in nature and all of it’s forms.  The Wiccan, Native American and Buddhist walks of faith  have been milestones for me from my Christian and Catholic foundations in faith.  Each walk of faith, in my opinion, has had a contribution to my overall perspective of spirituality.

When I was stationed at Travis AFB, one of my ex-husbands roommates was a Satanist.  He was a good man and we actually were able to communicate about difficult subjects.  We never completely got a long but there was good in him.  I try to find the positive in all people, the best I can find and sometimes it’s almost impossible.  When I feel I can’t find anything positive about someone, I will pray for them and I say this in the context of not being any particular walk of spirit.  I don’t believe in hero’s and villains, good or evil or any labels put on people that make them either good or bad.  This is why I have chosen a “no labels” path for myself….it is a very lonely path to walk.  I have had a dream for a long time of all of us walking together as one but not to be ruled or made slaves.  My dream is that we would all walk together as family.

Part of the walking together involves something called forgiveness.  I think it was Oprah Winfrey that I learned this from.  We will forgive but that doesn’t mean we forget.  Right now I am feeling like a bunch of stuff I had already worked through is getting brought back up for someone else’s benefit or may be I thought I was finished with it and perhaps wasn’t.  I don’t believe we experience anything for no reason….it’s not a coincidence.  I believe everything is connected to divine timing and just how the God of energy operates.

I hope something here resonates with you today.  I am revisiting some of my blogs here and if you should come across some that are incomplete or missing pictures etc. it’s because I was considering deleting this blog entirely just so I wouldn’t hurt anyone.

 

10 Feb 2018 We Lead By Our Example

Hello to you.  Last night Kyle and I watched the Olympics Opening Ceremonies and I was brought to tears by the beauty of what I saw and also very disappointed in my country.  My favorite moments included watching The Map to The Stars – it brought tears to my eyes.  It has been so refreshing for Kyle and I to see new faces, hear new stories and learn about a culture that is so intricately woven into our own.  Kyle even recognized the Cardinal Directions.    He used to buy and read Manga and he introduced me to anime which we both now really enjoy.

http://ecumenicalbuddhism.blogspot.com/2010/02/four-symbols-five-cardinal-directions.html – excerpt, recommend if this peaks your curiosity you read this.

The Four Symbols (Chinese: 四象; pinyin: Sì Xiàng) are four mythological creatures in the Chinese constellations. They are:

  • Azure Dragon of the East (青龍)
  • Vermillion Bird of the South (朱雀)
  • White Tiger of the West (白虎)
  • Black Tortoise of the North (玄武)

Each one of them represents a direction and a season of the year, and each has its own individual characteristics and origins. They have been portrayed in many historical Chinese and Korean myths and fiction, and also appear in many modern Japanese comic books and animation.

 

9 Feb 2018 – My thoughts lead me to the Akashic records. One of my favorite vampire flicks, Queen of the Damned starred Aaliyah who played Akasha…the Mother of all vamps.

The Box, Map to the Stars reference makes sense to me now as it was part of the Opening Ceremonies for the Winter Games to include a man who sat in a box and I was disappointed in his behavior, #2 Mike Pence.  Here was an opportunity for launching a path to peace and our country made choices to the contrary.  This is what conditional love looks like to me.   Progress not perfection though, at least all the “players” were there and willing to be in the same physical vicinity as one another.   It’s not the “body” that matters, it’s the behavior of the energy wearing the body that does.  Actions speak louder than words.    If you want peace in this world, you are going to have to work a lot harder on your behavior to get it.  It’s about behavior when it comes to the quality of our character not our physical appearance or presence.

13 Oct 2016 – It looks like for this particular game, the white piece defeated another white piece….

 Kim Jong-un’s sister Kim Yo-jong showed great courage to me, a woman, trying to lead by her example and at least try to change the course of history.  When I watched her, I had to smile.  She strikes me as someone with a wicked sense of humor.  I know there are “violations” and “wrongs” that have happened but America has lead by it’s example with blood on the streets every day.  How many mass shootings in just these few days of the year in this country.  We are in no position to judge anyone.

Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-43003564

Winter Olympics 2018: Pence skips dinner with N Koreans

US Vice-President Pence (R) was seated near Kim Jong-un's sister Kim Yo-jong (L) at the opening ceremonyImage copyright AFP/Getty Images
Image caption Kim Jong-un’s sister Kim Yo-jong was seated in the row behind US Vice-President Mike Pence at the opening ceremony

US Vice-President Mike Pence has skipped a dinner at which he was due to share a table with North Korea’s ceremonial head of state Kim Yong-nam.

Mr Pence briefly encountered Mr Kim but they tried to avoid directly facing each other, Yonhap news agency reports.

Later South Korean President Moon Jae-in shook hands with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un’s sister, Kim Yo-jong, at the Winter Olympics opening ceremony.

The Games are taking place amid tension over North Korea’s nuclear programme.

Mr Yong-nam did briefly meet with United Nations Secretary-General Antonio Guterres at the dinner. According to a UN spokesperson, Mr Guterres reiterated a hope for “peaceful denuclearisation” on the peninsula.

What happened at the dinner?

Mr Pence and Kim Yong-nam were being hosted by President Moon before the opening ceremony in Pyeongchang.

But the US vice-president left the reception venue after five minutes, South Korea’s Yonhap said.

While Mr Moon and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe both shook hands with Mr Kim, Mr Pence did not, South Korean officials said.

Media playback is unsupported on your device

What we’ve seen of Kim Yo-jong from North Korean media

Exit player

Media captionWhat we’ve seen of Kim Yo-jong from North Korean media

At the event Mr Moon said he hoped the Winter Olympics would be remembered as the “day peace began”. He is due to meet the North Korean delegation for talks on Saturday according to Yonhap.

At the opening ceremony, Mr Pence, Kim Yo-jong and Kim Yong-nam were seated in close proximity to each other.

Mr Pence has brought to South Korea as a guest Fred Warmbier, the father of a young American who died after being released from prison in North Korea.

Who is Kim Yo-jong?

The highest profile member of the North Korean delegation to the Games, she is the first immediate member of the North’s ruling family to visit the South since the 1950-1953 Korean war.

Ms Kim, who is said to be very close to her brother, was promoted to the North’s powerful politburo last year.

She is on a US sanctions list over alleged links to human rights abuses in North Korea.

Ms Kim is thought to be about 30 years old, around four years younger than her brother.

Ms Kim (C) shook hands with Mr Moon at the opening ceremonyImage copyright Reuters
Image caption North Korea’s Ms Kim shook hands with South Korea’s Mr Moon at the opening ceremony

Her visit is being seen as a sign that Kim Jong-un is serious about improving ties with the South, the BBC’s South Korea correspondent Laura Bicker reports.

She adds that some are also speculating that Ms Kim might be bringing a message from her brother.

How will the Koreas compete at the Games?

Athletes from both North and South Korea marched under one flag at the opening ceremony, bringing spectators to their feet.

They are also fielding a joint women’s ice hockey team.

Alongside 22 athletes, Pyongyang has sent more than 400 delegates to the Games, including a team of cheerleaders and an orchestra.

North and South Korean athletes marched under one flag at the opening ceremonyImage copyright AFP/Getty
Image caption North and South Korean athletes marched under one flag at the opening ceremony

However the opening ceremony was not shown on North Korean state TV, which was broadcasting patriotic songs and slogans celebrating industry and the armed forces.

Have relations warmed?

Experts have cautioned that the current burst of sports diplomacy does not put an end to underlying regional tensions.

On Thursday North Korea had held a military parade that was originally scheduled for April but was brought forward.

Nevertheless, 2018 has got the countries off on an improved footing.

Kim Jong-un surprised many in his televised new-year speech, when – amid threats against the US – he expressed support for the Winter Olympics and a wish to “melt the frozen North-South relations”.

The South had already said the North would be welcome to send a delegation, but few believed it would happen.

Later in January, a communications hotline was reinstated between the two countries, whose authorities then met for the first high-level talks in two years.

The Korean peninsula has been divided since the 1950-53 war and the two sides have never signed a peace treaty.

9 Feb 2018 Love and Abandonment (Morning meditation)

9 Feb 2018 /1019 am

I was outside preparing to do some “chalking” when a revelation about connection between “wisdom,” Why of Life and Death and Tree of Life came. It was instigated by my finding seeds that blew down from cotton tree to my hoodie. My good friend the cotton tree helping me again. What came brought forth a lot of tears. If I (we as a species) had remained ignorant, didn’t need to find out why (curiosity) I (we) wouldn’t know or care about living and dying. Sentience and consciousness, “awareness” would never have happened and may be we would have been happier — “Ignorance is Bliss” philosophy.

17 May 2017 – Cottonwood seed ships

Love changed everything because with love comes “attachment.” Something I learned more about through Buddhism’s the 4 Noble Truths and the 8 Fold Path. When you lose something or someone you love more than “existence” you will tear heaven and earth apart to find it, reclaim it. What I was willing to do at Mesa Springs when I didn’t know where Kyle was. What happened to me for 3 years after we lost our Sammy.

Source Internet: Seed of Life. I loved that this is made in stained glass with chakra colors.

Abandonment creates some of the largest energy vortexes, human black holes. It can be “perceived” or intentional abandonment but the abandoned feel it all the same. Why?!Where did you go?! When are you coming back?! Will you come back?!

(My mother, my Grandparents….all those I’ve loved and lost for whatever reason. I had to grieve and heal — fill the holes their “abandonment of me” left behind.

All of us have lost people, places and things through our shared journey. Are we so attached to these that we are willing to destroy ourselves and a planet to retrieve them? This is just what I see for myself. I hope there is something in this morning meditation that resonates with you….is helpful. I would ask you, what positive, loving aspect of existence can you put in the “holes” some sort of abandonment has made in your mind, body and most importantly your soul?

What do I do? All through my blogs here is what I’ve learned to do for myself with unseen guidance and loving nudges from the tangible elements that surround me. The arts, meaningful work, chores, spirituality, helping others and educating myself about people, places and things I don’t understand before making judgements about them. It is in the latter I have come to realize I can judge no one nor is there anyone on this earth who can either. We are all imperfect and it is in that imperfection we are amazing creations capable of greatness beyond our wildest dreams. We are here for each other. No one person can fix this shared mess our world has become. We must learn to build bridges instead of more walls.

17-feb-2011-my-puppy-sammy-and-his-tennis-ball (Sammy crossed the rainbow bridge 27 April 2011)

My Mom Jeanne and my Grandpa Harold (Hal) Becker on her wedding day, 21 Nov 1965.

8 Feb 2018 Dr. Wilhelm Reich books The Cancer biopathy and Function of the Orgasm Alvarado TX

8 Feb 2018 Jackie Wygant Blue Book for Alcoholics Anonymous Alvarado TX meditation about addiction like sugar etc

8 Feb 2018 Two books from Grandma Becker and Aunt Ruth to help me heal inside when I was younger I read from How to Be your own best friend out loud Alvarado TX