7 January 2021 Life Purpose

Hello to you out there as you visit me here. How are you? I am trying to recover from what life has been throwing at me. I still haven’t heard from my insurance company as to whether or not they plan to total my car or repair it.

Today I had a telephone appointment with my therapist and she has given me a grand assignment. The assignment is to find my life’s purpose and I have no clue how to persue that! It feels like each time I have felt like I have found my life’s purpose, something has happened and or not happened and I am left searching again. I mean I’ve done drawing, writing, painting , photography, experiments, volunteer work . I have really tried a bunch of stuff. I feel like a blank slate now and totally clueless as to what I should be doing now. So to get such an assignment, I feel overwhelmed. Something from my past I have considered going back to is painting. How that worked best was an almost commission type arrangement. Someone would approach me to paint and the money paid would go towards supplies to make the painting.

I wonder what the numbers say about some of this:

finding a life purpose ” in the English Ordinal system equals 206 (ironically 26 is God, game, lie in the numbers. Also process of light and shadow self with unknown all vices in check but one)

painting ” in the English Ordinal system equals 90 (ironically spirit is also 90)

blank slate” in the English Ordinal system equals 97 (weakness is also 97)

reclaiming your life” in the English Ordinal system equals 202

I’m sure God has some kind of purpose for me I just don’t know what it is right now. I am hoping more human companionship will be part of it. I have found myself chronically lonely!

29 December 2020 Wrecked…Divine Timing

Hello to you in your here and now as you visit me here. I haven’t written in a couple of days as I have had a lot going on like getting in to a car wreck on Christmas day! Thankfully the other driver, Link and myself weren’t seriously injured.

For many years I have talked about something called divine timing. When I was with my husband we noticed that if we were going somewhere and there was a delay, there usually was a reason. Sometimes we would stop so he could go to the bathroom and when we got back on the road there would be an accident at the approximate place we would have been.

Well on Christmas day I was supposed to leave my aunt and uncles at 4pm but I decided to leave a few minutes earlier and it was in the few minutes in which I met up with a driver who failed to yield at the stop sign. When I think of those moments it’s like everything is moving in slow motion . I stepped on my brakes so hard hoping it was going to be enough to keep us from getting into an accident,

Currently my car is being tested and evaluated to see if they can repair it which is my hope. I have a rental car but am so reluctant to drive it. Yesterday I didn’t want to get out of bed. I have to drive again otherwise I will be stranded. I was just starting to get my confidence up about driving and then this happens. I find myself asking God why?? Was this just some random occurrence or what does God want to to teach me?

I find myself wanting someone to hold on to going through this. I feel so vulnerable and alone . I have family and friends that have helped me and they text, call and visit but it’s never enough. I miss having someone who supports and loves me all the time. May be this is a a test for for me to try and stand on my own which I haven’t done without being married.

christmas car accident” in the English Ordinal system equals 191

spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91