17 May 2018 Drawing and Dream

Hello to you.  Hope this finds you well today wherever and whenever you are tuning in from.  Feeling gratitude today.  I had a weird dream last night/this morning.  It was about some hotel/hospital where people were going to get plastic surgery.  I saw Prince there and it was like his face was stitched on and it was a white version of himself.  This was the case of many of the people I saw there.  I think this dream was triggered by the CNN show we watched last night, “Video Killed The Radio Star.”  Since it was from the 80’s, they of course mentioned artists like Prince, Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston.  They talked about how difficult it had been for musical artists of color to break through on MTV.  They have a clip of an interview where David Bowie asked one of the MTV VJ’s why there were so few videos with black artists and he got a bullshit answer.  You could tell by how David responded that he wasn’t falling for it!

David Bowie Criticizes MTV for Not Playing Videos by Black Artists | MTV News

It made my heart ache to think on how many artists I knew and loved from the 80’s like Prince that are no longer here with us!  It’s a tough gig to choose to be a performing artist!  I miss them and am grateful for their contributions to such a big part of my developmental years.

16 18 9 14 3 5

P R I N C E = 65

3 1 20

C A T = 24 (3 cycle)

16 21 18 16 12 5

P U R P L E = 88

5 25 5

E Y E  = 35

2 9 18 4

B I R D = 33 (3 cycle)

16 12 1 19 20 9 3    19 21 18 7 5 18 25

P L A S T I C  (80)      S U R G E R Y (113) = 193

Prince – When Doves Cry (Official Music Video)

Prince – Thieves In The Temple (Official Music Video)

 

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29 April 2018 Who should get the “credit” for creation?

Hello to you.  I’m up early this morning and was thinking about something that has come to me before.  Who gets the “credit” for what we create in this world?  Credit can be in the context of just pats on the back or accolades.  Credit can also mean, in our modern world,  financial support.  When I create, I’m not really looking for either, it used to, but not anymore.  The reason this came up in my thoughts?  I was I was going to try to put my initials and date on the drawings I’m sharing today and realized that it really doesn’t matter all that much!  They don’t belong to me really, they belong to a power greater than myself.  They belong to the God of my understanding, energy and energy is everyone and everything….the collective consciousness.

When I do something creative, I feel like I’m tapping into the collective consciousness.  After all, I my opinion, there really isn’t such a thing as an original idea just a reinterpretation of one that has already come before.  Even what I am writing at this moment doesn’t really belong to me in a sense.  Only when my ego needs a stroke do I really care about such things!  Sometimes I can be pretty hard on myself.  When I get like that, my self-esteem plummets pretty low.  I will sometimes look for a source outside of myself to somehow lift myself up.  Ironically, this was the driving force behind me using Facebook to share my drawings and stuff!

Since I seldom turn a profit for what I channel aka “create”, I think that’s about as pure as it gets.  Why should I get hung up on labeling my work?  The only reason that comes to mind, is kind of like from that Big Eyes movie when the husband tried to take credit and actually profit from his wife’s work.  The karmic resolution to that took place in a courtroom.  The judge put the husband and wife to work at blank canvas painting and the husband was unable to recreate his wife’s paintings.

Amy Adams and Margaret Keane tell Big Eyes Movie Story (I wonder if all the folks involved with this film, to include Margaret, receive money for sales of this film?  Not quite sure how that works.)

So should I consider copywriting everything I do?  I guess if I decided that I was going to try and make a living doing what I do but what a struggle that would be!  Whenever I have tried to make money doing something it has often turned into a negative thing.  I have very few positive experiences with making money for what I have made.  The only ways  it has been positive is when I do something for a gift or someone has asked me to make something and they provided the financial support and or materials for me to do it.  I think making things and churning them out for profit would be very pretty empty for me.  Something else I’ve realized, like blogging here for example, as soon as I upload anything into this artificial collective consciousness, the internet, I give away any all the relevance of ownership in my opinion.  Anyone can save my pictures to their hard drive and “make them their own” as I’ve done with other artists work.

Why do I create?  What is my motivation?  My motivation is most often having the feeling I get by being close to God.  It feels good!  It’s like having a conversation without words and it makes me feel complete inside.  Then, out of gratitude, I feel I have to pass it all on to help somebody else like I do here in this blog.   Isn’t this the way God, divinity….whatever your word for the energy that propels you through this life supposed to be?  A power greater than ourselves that unconditionally loves and accepts us even if we make a drawing that looks like a child may have done it? 

Matthew 19:14 14Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

No one, no matter how hard they try can exactly replicate what I do.  Kind of like forgeries and copies….they will always be forgeries and copies but never the original work as it was first channeled through me.  So I’m not very worried about it anymore.   I feel bad for people in this world who do get so hung up on ownership versus staying in the flow of creation.  It must be such a fight everyday to keep what they perceive belongs to them!  I would say this is especially true for anyone who makes a living on their image and creative endeavors in any profession.  I wonder what would happen if they just let go of that?

What has come to me in meditations with the God of my understanding (I use the word God because it’s simpler) many times is nothing belongs to us but perhaps one thing, the essence of who we are inside.  The energy ball, the soul, part of our being that makes us uniquely “us” no matter what outside forces may try to change it.  I imagine that when our bodies are tired and must be returned back to the earth, we just move on and become something or someone else but we are not lost.  The unconditional, loving energy of existence makes sure we are never truly lost.   We just become something a little different but just the same.

These drawings I did yesterday were made for me and for someone else to enjoy and I hope you do:

U2 – Song For Someone (Directed by Matt Mahurin)

See more songs by U2

Lyrics

 Song for Someone

You got a face not spoiled by beauty
I have some scars from where I’ve been
You’ve got eyes that can see right through me
You’re not afraid of anything they’ve seen
I was told that I would feel nothing the first time
I don’t know how these cuts heal
But in you I found a rhyme

If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a dark
Now we shouldn’t doubt
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out

And this is a song
A song for someone
This is a song
A song for someone

You let me into a conversation
A conversation only we could make
You break and enter my imagination
Whatever’s in there
It’s yours to take
I was told I’d feel nothing the first time
You were slow to heal
But this could be the night

If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a dark
Within and without
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out

And this is a song
A song for someone
This is a song
This is a song for someone

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And I’m a long way
From your hill of Calvary
And I’m a long way
From where I was, where I need to be
If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a kiss
I stole from your mouth
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out

 Songwriters: ADAM CLAYTON, DAVE EVANS, LARRY MULLEN, PAUL DAVID HEWSON
© Universal Music Publishing Group
For non-commercial use only.
Data From: LyricFind

18 April 2018 Difficulty in rising above obstacles in my own life

Hello to you.  I hope this finds you doing well today.  I’m doing ok but a little frustrated with my life at the moment.  I think my biggest frustration at the moment is my medical situation and the mail system in regards to my personal life.  I am having to practice mind over matter a lot lately to not let myself get pulled down by forces outside of myself.  I am having to, almost every minute of the day, rise above obstacles that are put in front of me by other well meaning individuals.   I have family and friends who like to write me letters and it’s very thoughtful but makes me feel obligated to write them back even when I am not wanting to do so.  In the past letter writing was effortless for me but now I find myself suspicious of everyone and everything.  I am having severe trust issues with even those, who in the past, were close to me.

With my being on yet another new medication, this isn’t helping me trust most anyone at this time.  I have been feeling like a prisoner or a hostage in my own home.  I don’t have much of a say of what my daily activities are and this doesn’t help me feel any better either.  This makes me feel like a child and I’m 50 years old!  I am 50 years old in years but inside I have always been much younger.  My way of being can make people feel very protective of me and this is increasingly a source of frustration at the moment.   The only way for them to contact me, they have found in the past, is through letters. I can’t stand talking on the phone, have stopped using any social media and  that is frustrating for people wanting to stay in touch with me who use those modalities for communication.  I currently have a stack of unread letters that I will read,  but as it stands at the moment, do not want to respond to.  Will the people writing take personal offense to my not wanting to write them back?  Hard to say.  I am not famous or in any political office, but I can imagine what I am dealing with is much the same for them at times.  I have written one fan letter in my entire life and I received a response but I am not even sure, at this point, who it was actually from.  I shared here about receiving the letter but deleted the post for concern of my own safety and their privacy.  It feels like every single thing I do is wrong sometimes.  After I received the response I thought was from them, I tried to send another note, it was a Christmas card.  I sent the Christmas card as a courtesy to the same person.  The first letter was sent to them during a time they were going through a crisis and I wanted to help.   I wrote to and it was returned on the same day I found out David Bowie had died….it was devastating for me to have that happen.   I still have both notes but sometimes wonder if I should even keep them.

I am running into a quandary about letters and if I should keep them.  They are part of the history that oftentimes gets lost.  Little people like me, my family and friends get lost in time if we just throw everything away but I am just so overwhelmed.  I don’t want to end up buried with papers all over the place of stuff I just don’t know what to do with!  I am not a hoarder and do not like to keep everything.  Oh to have a professional archivist at my disposal!  I have boxes and boxes of negatives that need to be processed and no clue what to do with it all.  UGH!

May be this resonates with someone who might visit today.  In my sharing this I just want to let you know you aren’t alone.  Sometimes life can seem like it’s closing in and the boundaries of it are very small but there is one space no one can take….the spirit.  I firmly believe that no matter what life hands me, my spirit energy is connected with the God of my understanding.  The God of my understanding remains the Source of all creation to include nature.  Everything I am and ever could hope to be is by the grace of this amazing Source of energy.  Whenever I feel like I am being torn down, beaten up, and about to give up, the Source will tap me with something as fine as a blade of grass to my face to encourage me to get back on my feet.  I don’t expect anyone else to subscribe to this belief system, but may be something will resonate and encourage you, if you have fallen down, to get back up.

There is a song that a counselor at a hospital I once stayed at who introduced me to, “Fear” by Blue October.  It helped me so much.  After I got out of the hospital I found out they had more songs and one of them is called “Home.”  Thinking about this song reminds me of how grateful I am for music of all kinds.  Music has been a source of great strength for me most of my life along with spirituality.

Some time ago I shared information about a non-profit organization called Music and Memory.  I believe in my heart, based on my own experience, that indeed these folks may be on to something.  It’s wonderful to imagine people getting a device with music and their being able to come to life inside.   Just singing to someone, without a device, could help too I think.  Like when children and groups go to hospices, hospitals and rehabilitation centers and perform for the residents and clients there.  If you are interested in learning more about Music and Memory, they have a web site and they also have videos on YouTube.  We have donated to them as part of our Christmas gifts exchange before instead of actual Christmas gifts.

We all fall down and I believe that God, or whatever name you would personally use for the God of your understanding, wants us to get back up and help each other walk again.  May be someday, my dream of a life without having the labels others put on me will actually be possible.  I hope something here resonates with you and helps you.

17 April 2018 Edits and ideas about the future I would like to see

Hello to you.  I hope that wherever and whenever this finds you that you are having a good day.  This phrase where and when comes from watching a scientist named Mehran Tavakoli Keshe of the Keshe Spaceship Institute.  Ever since I started to try to follow his work back in October of 2016 I think it was, I have planted a seed in my heart for his work.   It was so exciting to see what he and all the wonderful people also inspired, are trying to do with the technology he is sharing.  He inspired me to try more experimenting in my kitchen!  Seeing and hearing what he was proposing made me think of the visionary Gene Roddenberry of Star Trek.  When I was in the United States Air Force, my dream was for their to be a purple force.  I talked about this with many people I worked with.  My vision was for all branches of the armed forces to unify for one mission of peace.  I would love to see people, if they wanted to, to be able to join with others to go to regions of the world and be goodwill ambassadors of peace-making.  I would love for them to be able to hug people, help people get on their feet again and not have to worry about their well-being or safety.  It is a utopian view I know….probably even childish in a way but that is my way of thinking.  Not everyone would necessarily share my point of view especially if they have been on the receiving end of unfair activities.  It is not my place to say….”above my pay-grade.”

I wanted to recommend to anyone who regularly reads my writing here of the many, sometimes, severe edits to the blog.  I have deleted countless pictures, my art and words out of concern for others.  My original intention at starting this blog was to write for myself like a journal and it has become much more than that.  I have censored myself and part of this is because I would take some time after I wrote something and realize I didn’t have all the facts or was writing about things I didn’t know everything about.  I only had my perception or view and my sources were from the internet which aren’t always reliable.  Even the sources I thought I could count on seemed to have faults with them or someone would say or write something to discredit them like snopes.com.

Ironically, it is from President Trump and his proposal of “fake news” that I started to question even myself but this isn’t a bad thing.  Not everyone would agree with me.  I decided some time ago, after disputes about his Presidency were creating rifts between my family and friends, that possibly our parents knew something I didn’t.  I started to think about him differently, like a “Trump” card.  I began to wonder if he was actually trying to help us in the opposite way we might expect.  I wondered if everything he and other world leaders were doing was their way of attempting to fix this mess we have been in without our even realizing it.  I began to wonder if he might actually become of the greatest presidents we’ve ever had and I say that not knowing if he was conscious of his behavior.  I decided that I would change my perception of him like I have done for anyone I have come to know in world history, to include  Adolf Hitler.  What I came to understand, for myself, a long time ago is that based on my life, who am I to judge anyone?  I don’t believe anyone is perfect and I don’t believe perfection even exists.  Someone once said, there is perfection in imperfection and I believe that.  This is just me and my opinion.  Everyone has their own opinion and personal perspective on this life and I respect that.  Sometimes it’s hard to get many “passionate” perspectives to communicate but I believe it is possible if we find a way to agree on what we have in common.  This is a good place to start and many very smart people have shown me this by their example.

I am nattering on as my friend Les often says of herself in her letters lol.  I hear my neighbor cutting their lawn at the moment and my back yard is very high but I wouldn’t be embarrassed if anyone saw it.  I don’t choose to cut my yard anymore for more than just not having a lawn mower (we tried an electric/corded mower and it didn’t work out).  I worry about all those I harm when I cut the lawn.  I have wounded crickets and other beings by mowing and those wounded have come to me while I’m in the backyard.  We became “friends” and I started to realize the connection between us and nature through these wounded insect warriors.  If you look at life at each level, it’s all the same but just a little different.  So I try to do the least amount of yard work that I have to so as not to harm anyone.  I could hire people to take care of the yard etc., but I know they aren’t like me.  I keep the front yard to “city” standards (like military standards) but don’t like doing it anymore.  I used to cut the lawn and not care about the other lifeforms but once I started to care about them, to include all the trees trying to make new families, my entire perspective changed.

Some of my greatest teachers are like the cottonwood tree in my neighbor’s yard that was struck by lightning instead of our house.  They let their offspring, seeds, go and sometimes they land on fertile soil and sometimes they land at my back porch or in my HVAC unit.  During an outside  meditation I had some time ago,  I started to think of what these trees do.  I began to think of symbiosis and  how life on this planet may have started.  There is a nature photographer, his name escapes me but I shared his work here before, that inspired me to think of nature in this way.  This is ONLY A THEORY not a fact!  Here is a post I wrote about this some time ago: https://saymber.com/2015/05/07/7-may-2015-in-the-beginning-there-was-symbiosis/.   I am providing the link but will have to edit this.

5 Feb 2017 – I did this yesterday and it was very therapeutic drawing so many little boxes to form a Pecan Tree 🙂

Sometimes I link articles and items of interest to me from other places to give my sources.  I don’t always know if I have permission to share what is on the internet here.  I will be doing less of that in the future.  If anyone should come across something I’ve linked and or shared and you would like it removed, please let me know in the comments section of this blog.  In order to make comments, I think, but am not sure, you must have an account.

 

18 Feb 2018 Who are we now?

Hello to you.  It’s 11:45 am on this cool, gray Sunday.  I just wanted to share a positive word.  I feel like I am discovering a way to be useful in this world, and it’s not an easy process but a process just the same – seeking and finding the positive things in people, places and things.   I used to be really good at this – when I was a child of course.  Well thankfully, inside, I still feel my inner child very much alive!  The part of me that our Sam taught me to hold on to – there are no strangers in this world, just family you haven’t met yet.  Not just friends, FAMILY.  Why do I say that?  With my understanding of God as energy.   If everything is energy and everything is God then that makes us all – every single form of life know and unknown – family!

Anyhew.   In my meditation this morning, the message that came forth was about how the past can hang and or trip us up to getting to where we want to go.  I have shared this before here but I will share it again:  “It’s not who we were in the past, it’s who we are now.”  The God of my understanding doesn’t care about the past because Time is our device.  The God of my understanding doesn’t care about what mistakes we’ve made in the past only if we don’t learn from them and intentionally keep repeating them.  If we don’t even try to make amends to those we’ve wronged to include ourselves.

As I sat outside doing this drawing and meditation a thought occurred to me for places we could start making amends – prisons of all kinds, nursing homes, mental health facilities, rehabilitation centers and our churches.  All the places for humans, animals and plants that could be considered cages.  Unconditional love and forgiveness has not been taught or learned by many.  What if we were to work together starting in a place we all share….the heart?  Just a thought…an idea with a positive intention and or motive.

 

13 Feb 2018 Seek First to Understand

Hello just a quick post.  I wanted to share some thoughts that came to me today.  I had been feeling anxious and my brain was running pretty fast and I’m tired from not sleeping so well the past couple of nights.  So I grabbed my chalks, even though it is cold out (if you dress appropriately the cold isn’t so bad), and these thoughts came to me….specifically the words of one of my favorite prayers.  The part about seeking to understand versus always being understood specifically.  Most of my life I’ve tried to do the understanding part but it’s not always easy.  Sometimes you want others to “get you” to understand why you are the way you are and you can’t tell them the whole story of why because they have their own problems too.   It’s hard to focus on other people’s “stuff” when while they are talking, you are thinking about your own self the whole time….”what’s in this for me?  why should I care?”  It’s hard to be selfless and empathetic and or caring and also take care of, even “protect” yourself from others stuff.  This is where compromise, respect, treating others like you would want to be treated and healthy boundaries and all that good stuff comes into play.

Anyhew – hope something here resonates.  One person can’t fix a mess as big as the one we’ve got here on Earth.  I know I didn’t make all this mess but I did have my part in all of it.  We each have a part in the mess and have to find our way of working towards a loving, peaceful, non-violent solution to it.  It didn’t happen overnight!  The phrase that keeps coming to me, “Trust the Process.”  For me that means having faith in myself and the God of my understanding that there is a plan in all of this.

 

12 Feb 2018 Blue TV Screen (dreams) and Time to make amends (edited version 17 April 2018)

(edited 17 April 2018)

Hello to you.  Just a short note to help me process a couple of dreams that woke me from my sleep.  The first one was scary until after I processed it and went back to bed.

What happened is I dreamt I was in bed and Link was next to me and kept growling like he really does.  Then he was on top of my legs like he was protecting me from something in the room.  There was someone there but I couldn’t see them but Link could.  I got up out of bed and was able to see in the dark.  I was slapping my hands together in front of my face like someone was there trying to get inside me.  I was yelling at “them” to “get out!” over and over again. I chased them to the living room and I saw a blue television screen in the darkness and whoever, whatever was in front of it and just disappeared and the tv shut off.  I woke up yelling and screaming which of course upset Kyle.    The living room the dream was in, was like mine but in a different “configuration.”

What came to me, trying to process this dream and calm myself down, was it was not meant to scare me, it was information.  Recordings are like the Horcruxes  in Harry Potter.  We “choose” who had immortality in this process (tv, movies, books and music).  The energy of our attention (adoration) and the emotions attached to what we watch determines what kind of immortal those recorded will be.  Often conflicted.  This brought forth E=Mc2 from my reading about Albert Einstein’s life.  About how yesterday I came to understand Hiroshima was like splitting God into two parts – turning energy against energy….God against themselves!  What came to me this morning also was remembering about God being a jealous God in the Old Testament,  isn’t jealousy a human emotion?  What I have come to wonder is if Time is God’s way of both punishing and loving us for making mistakes like Hiroshima.  Like them saying to us, “I will give you “time” to make amends.”  I visualized us, this whole earth being like one of God’s snowglobes.   Who else but a God could make Time?  I know….out there to think such things but that’s how I think – how things are “alike” more than “unalike” which is a phrase I have heard from poet Maya Angelou.  It is in this way of thinking I have come to this God of my understanding.

 

The second dream was very short but woke me up also because it was so vivid.  It was about being in church or somewhere like it and reading a passage and it being the same frequency as someone else reading it.  Then for the second time I go back and there is a young man with dark hair and eyes with those black horned rimmed glasses who is like a “substitute” for someone else when I come again.  He wants to read with me and just before I begin to read I can hear him whisper  “I love you.”  Then I woke up.  There are a lot of people I admire, of many different walks of life, that wear those sort of glasses so it could have been anyone.

Recently I bought a book about the life of Albert Einstein written by Elma Ehrlich Levinger from Half Price Books in Burleson TX.  I haven’t quite finished it, but what I have read so far has been very interesting.  I remember hearing or reading something about him saying that he hoped when he closed his eyes after looking at the moon that it would still be there when he opened his eyes.  He would have been an interesting person that I would have liked to meet to talk to him about my perception of God as energy.  I have had many people teach me about energy.  One recent person was Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer.   I really enjoyed season 1 of his show and learned a lot from it and also his web site.  He taught me about better ways to walk our dogs by understanding that our state of mind when we walk our dogs can literally be sent through the leash to the dog we are walking.  I had at one time expressed a hope that he could come to Alvarado TX and help our Animal Control folks with all the large dogs they are having to find homes for.

Before Cesar was a man named Nikola Tesla.  Nikola is a man from history that I feel is so important and I am so grateful he existed.   Many years ago, I lived in Colorado Springs Colorado where they had a museum dedicated to his work there.  I regret never having made the time to go and see it.  He is a man from history, along with several others, that I kind of had a crush on lol.  I think this is because they remind me of my Dad when he was a young man.  My Dad was very handsome when he was younger and like me, didn’t really get a chance to enjoy the person he was then.  My Dad did his very best to make sure I had food, clothing and shelter all by himself and this was very difficult.

I’m not very close with the family of my past for many reasons.  Since moving here to Texas, I have had several problems that were similar in nature to what my Mom Jeanne went through.  I think, but do not know for certain, that this might be a contributing factor to our distance.  When I am around family and people from my past, old baggage gets unpacked in my head and this is very difficult for me.  I am hoping that for my future, I can get a fresh start.

To close, something really important about what I’ve shared here is principles I learned from attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings.   In AA we learned about the 12 steps and also about making amends to those we have harmed.  Sometimes, I have found from my own experience, it can do more harm than good to make amends with some people.  Sometimes it’s better if you just go your own separate ways.  I have had to do a lot of healing on my own, away from the people of my past.  Having those same people back into my life would possibly cause me more personal harm than good.  It’s not to say I don’t want that the people from my past to exist and have their own lives, they just don’t have to be part of my current life.  It is my right as a human being to decide who is and who isn’t part of my life.

There are people in the world I haven’t met yet that I would like to meet.  I will turn this over to the care of the God of my understanding, energy.  I hope something here has resonated with you.  This edit, 17 April 2018, is me revisiting past blogs that I have here and providing more details or context.  I am not a healthcare professional, a doctor, a scientist or anyone like that.  Please, as you read what I write here, use discernment and or critical thinking.  Read and then decide for yourself if this resonates with you.  If it does not, please keep searching for your messenger.   Whatever I share here comes from one place, my heart and love energy.

My husband and I go over these blogs before I write them and he sometimes reads them on his own.  I hope reader that you have a good support system to help you today.

(A personal request I have is if you choose to use any of the material here, any of my pictures or art that you do so with the same intention with which I intended, not for profit.  There are people in this world who can’t afford to buy books or attend self-help workshops and might benefit from what I share here.  My intention at making this blog was never to profit from it, just to try and help anyone who might stumble into it.)

10 Feb 2018 Houses and Becoming (17 April 2018 edited version)

Hello again. It’s cold and getting colder by the minute as I write. Today will be an inside day I think! This morning I finished working on the blanket I started working on back in January of last year! It’s a corner to corner pattern that my friend Erin and Red Heart Yarn taught me how to do and it’s pretty much the only one I use now lol.

I did get out for a quick chalk meditation this morning and some interesting stuff came forward. For many, what I am sharing with you may not resonate with your belief systems, culture, morals or value system…may seem strange even. You may not agree with what is here and that is perfectly fine! Everyone has a comfort zone….a “warm blanket” if you will. I am just passing on what came to me with no expectation from you the reader.

A phrase kept popping into my head this morning, “Old God’s in New Houses.” This is a phrase that came from a film called Queen of the Damned and sadly, one of my favorite female musicians was in it, Aaliyah.  After Aaliyah died in a terrible plane crash I was devastated.  It is so sad to me that such a tragedy should happen to such a talented young woman as she was.  Every time I see the movie, I am reminded of what a great loss was suffered by the music world at her passing.

Who are you? Did you know once a long time ago but the world beat and or numbed it out of you? I am hoping to empower you to be who God brought you here to be. To remember who you are and if you can’t and want to, do the work here in this shared dream this planet-sized school we are all in, and find out!

When I think of Aaliyah and from my own personal experiences of what I’ve observed in the world, this seems to be happening.  Have you ever met someone and felt like you met them before? What was it about them?  A look, a gesture, a walk, a way of speaking, something they said, sharing sentences…a smell?  Some of this is just nature of course but I believe there is more to it than that.  Perhaps on some level you have or did. If you think about the entire cycle of life, death and new life why would that not be possible? What if the energy all around us, capable of making an entire planet full of life, not have such a system? Recycling? Repurposing? What is energy? To me? God! What is God? Life, death and new life. How do we get there? It’s a process and it takes time but it is eternal.  I believe the Gods of many understanding and my own have kept their promise to all of us with this beautiful blessing of earth.

The  most valuable lessons I have learned from this life thus far has come from my observance of trees and nature.  The tree of life symbol from various different religions and walks of spirit is what resonates with me the most.  I believe that whatever we feel we have lost in the passing of someone we love is returned to us beyond measure.  This happened with our loss of our precious fur babies Sam, Blondie, Amber and May.  In the void left by their passing, they have returned to us in other ways.  I see their return and presence in nature and all of it’s forms.  The Wiccan, Native American and Buddhist walks of faith  have been milestones for me from my Christian and Catholic foundations in faith.  Each walk of faith, in my opinion, has had a contribution to my overall perspective of spirituality.

When I was stationed at Travis AFB, one of my ex-husbands roommates was a Satanist.  He was a good man and we actually were able to communicate about difficult subjects.  We never completely got a long but there was good in him.  I try to find the positive in all people, the best I can find and sometimes it’s almost impossible.  When I feel I can’t find anything positive about someone, I will pray for them and I say this in the context of not being any particular walk of spirit.  I don’t believe in hero’s and villains, good or evil or any labels put on people that make them either good or bad.  This is why I have chosen a “no labels” path for myself….it is a very lonely path to walk.  I have had a dream for a long time of all of us walking together as one but not to be ruled or made slaves.  My dream is that we would all walk together as family.

Part of the walking together involves something called forgiveness.  I think it was Oprah Winfrey that I learned this from.  We will forgive but that doesn’t mean we forget.  Right now I am feeling like a bunch of stuff I had already worked through is getting brought back up for someone else’s benefit or may be I thought I was finished with it and perhaps wasn’t.  I don’t believe we experience anything for no reason….it’s not a coincidence.  I believe everything is connected to divine timing and just how the God of energy operates.

I hope something here resonates with you today.  I am revisiting some of my blogs here and if you should come across some that are incomplete or missing pictures etc. it’s because I was considering deleting this blog entirely just so I wouldn’t hurt anyone.

 

9 Feb 2018 Love and Abandonment (Morning meditation)

9 Feb 2018 /1019 am

I was outside preparing to do some “chalking” when a revelation about connection between “wisdom,” Why of Life and Death and Tree of Life came. It was instigated by my finding seeds that blew down from cotton tree to my hoodie. My good friend the cotton tree helping me again. What came brought forth a lot of tears. If I (we as a species) had remained ignorant, didn’t need to find out why (curiosity) I (we) wouldn’t know or care about living and dying. Sentience and consciousness, “awareness” would never have happened and may be we would have been happier — “Ignorance is Bliss” philosophy.

17 May 2017 – Cottonwood seed ships

Love changed everything because with love comes “attachment.” Something I learned more about through Buddhism’s the 4 Noble Truths and the 8 Fold Path. When you lose something or someone you love more than “existence” you will tear heaven and earth apart to find it, reclaim it. What I was willing to do at Mesa Springs when I didn’t know where Kyle was. What happened to me for 3 years after we lost our Sammy.

Source Internet: Seed of Life. I loved that this is made in stained glass with chakra colors.

Abandonment creates some of the largest energy vortexes, human black holes. It can be “perceived” or intentional abandonment but the abandoned feel it all the same. Why?!Where did you go?! When are you coming back?! Will you come back?!

(My mother, my Grandparents….all those I’ve loved and lost for whatever reason. I had to grieve and heal — fill the holes their “abandonment of me” left behind.

All of us have lost people, places and things through our shared journey. Are we so attached to these that we are willing to destroy ourselves and a planet to retrieve them? This is just what I see for myself. I hope there is something in this morning meditation that resonates with you….is helpful. I would ask you, what positive, loving aspect of existence can you put in the “holes” some sort of abandonment has made in your mind, body and most importantly your soul?

What do I do? All through my blogs here is what I’ve learned to do for myself with unseen guidance and loving nudges from the tangible elements that surround me. The arts, meaningful work, chores, spirituality, helping others and educating myself about people, places and things I don’t understand before making judgements about them. It is in the latter I have come to realize I can judge no one nor is there anyone on this earth who can either. We are all imperfect and it is in that imperfection we are amazing creations capable of greatness beyond our wildest dreams. We are here for each other. No one person can fix this shared mess our world has become. We must learn to build bridges instead of more walls.

17-feb-2011-my-puppy-sammy-and-his-tennis-ball (Sammy crossed the rainbow bridge 27 April 2011)

My Mom Jeanne and my Grandpa Harold (Hal) Becker on her wedding day, 21 Nov 1965.

8 Feb 2018 Dr. Wilhelm Reich books The Cancer biopathy and Function of the Orgasm Alvarado TX

8 Feb 2018 Jackie Wygant Blue Book for Alcoholics Anonymous Alvarado TX meditation about addiction like sugar etc

8 Feb 2018 Two books from Grandma Becker and Aunt Ruth to help me heal inside when I was younger I read from How to Be your own best friend out loud Alvarado TX

8 Feb 2018 Morphing through Time (Enigma)

8 Feb 2018 – sketch I did this morning. He looks like a composite of all the men I have loved and or admired through my life all in one. I did a numbers thing with my name Jacqueline and Kyles today. My name’s letters added up was 106 and Kyle’s 53. I thought that was so beautiful that he would be the other part of me like that!

Morphing Thru Time

Enigma

Earth. A biosphere.
A complex,
Subtly balanced life support system.

Et turtur nidum,
Ubi reponat pullos suos
Altaria tua Domine virtutum,
Rex meus, et Deus meus
(and the turtledove a nest
Where it might place its young
Your altar of strengths, Lord,
My king and my God,)

We are floating over the line
Let us follow our mind
All of our life we’ll wait for the answer
And the question is why

If we’re following our mind
We can glide into light
No one knows if there’ll be an answer
While we’re morphing through time

We are floating over the line
Let us follow our mind
All of our life we’ll wait for the answer
And the question is why

Enigma – Morphing thru time (with lyrics)

Someone I didn’t know before that I heard for the first time today:

Geraldine Farrar – Kreisler: Star of Love

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geraldine_Farrar

Alice Geraldine Farrar[1] (February 28, 1882 – March 11, 1967) was an American soprano opera singer and film actress, noted for her beauty, acting ability, and “the intimate timbre of her voice.”[2] She had a large following among young women, who were nicknamed “Gerry-flappers”.[3][4]

8 Feb 2018 – books Kyle and I picked up at Half Price Books today.