28 July 2026 Surrender

July 29, 2026 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello there. As I write today is another smoky and hazy day. I haven’t done any walks because of the conditions. After I write this I am going to try and do a 20 min Tai Chi session on YouTube with Don Fiore.

I had a therapy session today and we ended with Alyssa giving me a challenge. She asked me to do a drawing of what surrender looks like for me now. The last big surrender was when I was still married to Ken and lived in Florida. When I turned myself into the care of God, the doors of freedom and recovery flew open.

Here is an abbreviated version of what happened. While stationed in Colorado and then Florida I had started abusing alcohol. One day, in Florida, I met a man who was a broker, can’t remember his name, but he was striking. He was a black man with incredibly blue eyes. He asked me if I had a church home and I said no. He invited me to his mega non- denominational church. I went and the message was about the Holy Spirit being an actual person. The next day I was on my patio drunk and miserable. I simply said “I surrender.” The very next day the Holy Spirit began his work on me. I rode my bike to work and was going to go even with a hangover. As I was getting ready to go I watched the chain on my bike fall off in slow motion. I fixed the chain but was running late now to get to work. I was riding in front of where Ken used to work and all the sudden a Transam about ran me over. I was really shook up now! Had I been there a few seconds earlier I would have been hit!

When I got to work I remembered I had my annual physical exam so I left again. At the appointment there was a questionnaire and alcohol use was one of the questions. I had the courage to be honest. Because I was honest, within a couple days I was in rehab in Maryland! At first Ken and I were mad because we didn’t think I was an alcoholic. Later I realized it was to get the alcohol out of my system to see what was really going on. There is much more to my story of this surrender – let’s just say when the Holy Spirit is in charge nothing is impossible!

I feel like I’ve been doing what God wants me to do right now. My physical conditions prevent me from over doing it like I used to do. What would happen if I surrendered again? Would I be healed so I could be a worthy vessel of the Holy Spirit or how I am now is forever? This drawing is how I view Surrender right now:

Putting to crude drawing what Surrender looks like today

Spin of the World Prayer Wheel:

Let my heart be the vessel of God’s Love.

Let my thoughts be the blossom of God’s Love.

Let my words be the expression of God’s Love.

Let my actions be the fulfillment of God’s Love.

willingness – david ridge

22 July 2026 All That I Have

July 23, 2026 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you. It’s evening as I write to you. How are you? I hope this finds you well and if not I want you to know you’re not alone. You are loved unconditionally.

Today I found this post on Tik Tok that is so simple but profound at the same time:

I had to draw it myself:

I just had to try my hand at drawing this profound and simple message!

My heart is all Jesus wants! It’s not complicated even though I sometimes make it so.

Spin of the World Prayer Wheel:

Walk softly upon the earth.
May its beauty forever surround you,
its wonders forever astound you.

May its wisdom delight you,
its music invite you
to dance and to play and to sing.

May you love and be loved by all that you meet;
may you know and practice compassion.

Rejoice in the earth and in all of creation.
Rejoice in life.

a parting blessing – alfred v. fedak – 2008

21 July 2026 Practice

July 21, 2026 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, history, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion

Hello there! How are you doing today? I just finished another attempt at drawing one of my favorite things the Metatrons Cube. I did it mostly free hand. I am so out of practice!

My first attempt at drawing a Metatrons Cube in a couple of years

What exactly is the meaning of the shape? Here is what the internet had to say:

Metatron’s Cube is a complex, mystical geometric symbol in sacred geometry that contains all the fundamental shapes of the universe. Named after the Archangel Metatron, who is said to oversee the flow of energy in creation, it is believed to be the ultimate blueprint of reality and physical matter. [1, 2, 3]

Here are the key elements of its meaning:

The Blueprint of Creation: The cube is derived from ancient patterns like the “Fruit of Life” (13 interconnected circles). By drawing straight lines connecting the center of every circle to every other circle, it reveals the Five Platonic Solids (the tetrahedron, hexahedron, octahedron, dodecahedron, and icosahedron). These solids represent the basic building blocks of all organic life and matter. [1, 2, 3]
Balance and Harmony: Metatron’s Cube merges the feminine (the curved circles) with the masculine (the straight lines). In spiritual practices, this represents the perfect balance of polarities and the harmony of the cosmos. [1, 2, 3, 4, 5]
Protection and Healing: Historically, the cube has been used as a sacred grid or glyph. Believers often use or wear it to repel lower frequencies, clear negative energy, and foster a peaceful environment. [1, 2, 3]
Spiritual Awakening: As a visual tool, it is frequently used in meditation to help focus the mind, gain higher consciousness, and connect with the divine. [1]

I first learned about the shape from my friend Sarah many years ago. Something about it just was a balm for my brain. I have a pendant I wear with the shape all the time.

Spin of the World Prayer Wheel:

God,

I’m willing
to do your work.

Please
show me what it is.

tami simon

25 May 2025 Remembering

May 26, 2026 by saymber, posted in drawing, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well from where you are visiting me here. Today is Memorial Day here in the US and my deceased birth mom’s 84 birthday.

Drawing I did of my mom Jeannie many years ago

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the family and friends of those who have fought and died for their country. In addition to that my thoughts turn to those who have fought and lost the battle with mental illness. My mom Jeannie, at the age of 26 is such a person. I was afraid for much of my early life that I wasn’t going to live past 26 – end up just like my mom. I am now 58 – well beyond my fears!

One of the most special memories I have of celebrating Memorial Day is with my exes family going to Arlington National Cemetery. My exes dad and his family played taps at exactly 3 pm at different corners of the cemetery:

https://youtu.be/nhxxOvdM1SE?si=yj7rOt0BimzB6M98 – Taps – We share a Memorial Day tribute, courtesy of the U.S. Air Force Band. It features a bugler from The Ceremonial Brass performing Taps at Culpeper National Cemetery in Virginia

Taps for Veterans Every Memorial Day at 3:00 PM local time, Americans from coast to coast pause to honor those who gave their lives in service to our country.

I nearly lost it seeing so many graves. There were several new graves. The ages of those fallen were my age and younger. Gone too soon!

29 Apr 2026 Full Moon and Healing

April 30, 2026 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Music, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

I am a bit rusty at drawing but gave it a try tonight

Hello to you. As I write to you the moon is beaming brightly outside. I got out my little sketchbook tonight and did the drawing I’m sharing. It’s me imagining Jesus, the Holy Spirit and Metatron healing my ears. The nasal spray and antihistamine that was prescribed isn’t helping me get rid of the problem with my ears. I don’t want to lose hope that there is some way for me to be healed! My body has been through it and now as I age it’s all catching up to me.

Tonight I am saying a special prayer for my cousin and his wife as their 16 year old dachshund Lincoln passed away today. My heart goes out to them!

General Healing Prayer: “Lord, I know You are able to heal me in every way I need healing—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically… And I know it is Your will to heal me, because Your son Jesus died so I could be healed.”

One of my favorite songs:

https://youtu.be/6wcR_X_GEE8?si=PUFkcE530XK-v0Va – VNV Nation – Nova

“Nova”

I long to feel my heart burned open wide, til nothing else remains
Except the fires from which I came
Like parted souls, divided for an age, awe and wonder I’d embrace
And the world anew again
But now, this picture from me fades
From still’s cold hand there’s no reprieve, light the fire in me

Shine, shine your light on me
Illuminate me, make me complete
Lay me down, and wash this world from me
Open the skies, and burn it all away
‘Cause I’ve been waiting, all my life just waiting
For you to shine, shine your light on me

I dreamed the world, with my eyes open
But time moved on and then, new worlds begin again
Oh my heart, in this universe so vast
No moment was made to last, so light the fire in me

Shine, shine your light on me
Illuminate me, make me complete
Please shine, shine your light on me
No hesitation, make me complete

Lay me down, and wash this world from me
Open the skies, and burn it all away
‘Cause I’ve been waiting, all my life just waiting
For you to shine, shine your light on me

Lay me down, and wash this world from me
Open the skies, and burn it all away
‘Cause I’ve been waiting, all my life
Forever waiting, shine your light on me

‘Cause I’ve been waiting, all my life just waiting
For you to shine, shine your light on me

16 Dec 2025 Joe The Uninvited Guest

December 16, 2025 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. It’s early afternoon as I write to you after my therapy session through the VA. I am blessed to have a really good therapist. Today we talked about how my physical symptoms affect my life. She came up with something that resonated with me. She said imagine you are hosting a party and your neighbor Joe shows up. He isn’t the most pleasant smelling or behaving person. He is the uninvited guest that you have to keep tabs on the whole party so he doesn’t ruin it. She likened what’s going on with my head and lower back pain to Joe. If I focus on these things like I would focus on Joe, the party will always be ruined for me. I have to find a way to not let these thorns to my life stop me from living my best life.

Are you struggling with some kind of physical and or mental condition that won’t go away? What will you do with your Joe?! As for me, I’m seriously considering whether Joe ever gets invited in the first place! 😂

Oh how I wish Jesus would heal me and all those I do and do not know! It must have been amazing to be healed by him:

Matthew 4:23New International Version

Jesus Heals the Sick

²³Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.

Drawing I did of my birth mom Jeannie many years ago

10 Feb 2025 Outgrown

February 11, 2025 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Movies, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Are there any activities or hobbies you’ve outgrown or lost interest in over time?

Hello to you! How are you? I hope this finds you well in your life. In answer to today’s prompt I would have to say that drawing and writing poetry are things I seldom do anymore. I used to spend hours drawing and writing poems came to me very easily. With the medication I’m on to treat Bipolar, Depakote, I am blocked from doing these things. If I do attempt to do them it’s forced and just not very good! I miss being creative in those ways but would rather have my sanity!

I watched this scene from the first season of The Chosen the other night and it brought me to tears:

https://youtu.be/UI-PehitKKU?si=7fT_XBegSgOk10oC – The Chosen Jesus Heals Mary

I found myself thinking about what an amazing thing it must have been to be healed by Jesus. To have him put his hands around my head and look me in my eyes – for him to know me by name! This is the part of me longing for a tangible God! I often think why people don’t follow Jesus is because he isn’t here on earth – tangible. Hollywood movie stars and musicians often fill the void only meant for Jesus – they can be seen, touched and heard. Think of the craze Elvis and The Beatles caused in their day! Right now Jonathan Roumie is doing a fine job of filling the role of Jesus and he takes it very seriously but has said more than once he is not Jesus Christ no matter how much fans want him to be him. He is a servant. His portrayal of Jesus has helped me more than once. It was him I turned to a 4th of July a couple years ago when I was nearly driven to run out of my house and yell at neighbors lighting fireworks all around me. Jesus wasn’t with me tangibly but one of his servants, Jonathan, was when I was calm enough to seek him out. Someday Jesus will tangibly reveal himself to the world and I might not live to see it. I will hopefully see him in heaven if I don’t get to meet him here on earth.

Mark 16:9New International Version

[The earliest manuscripts and some other ancient witnesses do not have verses 9–20.]

⁹When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons.

3 Dec 2024 Change

December 4, 2024 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, photography, space, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Today has been uneventful. I am feeling a little better after catching another cold. There was talk about something happening today with regard to space people but of course nothing happened! I am thinking something is brewing with the increase in sightings. I am thinking it has to do with the increasing unrest going on in the world – Sabre rattling about using nukes. If I was a space person watching all of what’s going on I think I would want to intervene too!

My answer to today’s prompt is if I could change one thing about myself I would not be Bipolar. Having this diagnosis has really limited me in so many ways. I have lost two marriages and many friendships and relationships with family. I lost a career because of this condition. The only good thing to ever come of being Bipolar was the wellspring of energy and creativity during the times I was manic. I would hardly sleep and my creative abilities seemed endless. I could draw, paint, sing, write, take awesome photos, dance, tap into the spiritual realms – all of this with little to no effort. Having the mania under control with the medication I’m on – Depakote- I can’t do much of anything anymore. This blog is my only outlet! In addition to Bipolar I have the Mal de barque syndrome where I have trouble with balance. I’m convinced it was triggered by my being tased by police when I was having a manic episode two years ago. It just won’t go away! So I guess there are actually two things I wish I could change!

Since I cannot change what I am, I have to push through with it all. I have to force myself to move forward even if I don’t want to. I pray a lot and ask for healing. I am trying to say yes more often when I would usually say no. One of the side affects of Depakote is weight gain and not feeling full after eating. With the balance challenges it’s hard to exercise to get rid of calories but I force myself to get a walk in with Link each day. I’m trying to lower my calorie count too. I am trying to say no more often to eating sweets which is my favorite type of food! Not all of what I am can be blamed on being Bipolar! I wish I could get back to size 16 jeans again. Obesity runs in my Dads side of the family so my genetics are kind of stacked against me along with my diagnosis.

Some scripture about change:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot”.
Isaiah 43:18-19“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”.
Psalm 30:5“Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning”.
Romans 8:28“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.
2 Corinthians 5:17“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”.
Hebrews 13:8“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever”.
Malachi 3:6“I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed”.
James 1:17“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”.
Ephesians 4:22-24“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”.

13 September 2023 Door to the Sun

September 13, 2023 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, history, Mental Health, Nature, space, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, I hope this finds you well. Last nights Bible study was good , there were four of us. I have trouble reading scripture and being able to understand it sometimes. I’m glad we have other ladies there to help break it down.

Today I got to thinking about the probe we sent to the sun. The Parker Probe is the closest thing we have to a door inside of the sun. When I was having my episodes in Texas and spending time outside I felt like I was having a relationship with the sun. Weird I know but during those times everything was communicating with me!

In December 2021, the Parker Probe reached the atmosphere of the sun. Since then, it’s been looping around the sun, drawing closer each time, and sending back tons of data about everything it encounters.Aug 11, 2023

https://news.uchicago.edu › story

What NASA’s Parker Solar Probe has discovered in its first five years …

Psalm 113New International Version

Psalm 113

¹Praise the Lord.^[a]

Praise the Lord, you his servants;
    praise the name of the Lord.
²Let the name of the Lord be praised,
    both now and forevermore.
³From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
    the name of the Lord is to be praised.

⁴The Lord is exalted over all the nations,
    his glory above the heavens.
⁵Who is like the Lord our God,
    the One who sits enthroned on high,
⁶who stoops down to look
    on the heavens and the earth?

⁷He raises the poor from the dust
    and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
⁸he seats them with princes,
    with the princes of his people.
⁹He settles the childless woman in her home
    as a happy mother of children.

Praise the Lord.

24 August 2023 Name

August 24, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, drawing, history, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Where did your name come from?

Hello to you. I’m just back from the Thursday prayer meeting and getting groceries. We had Savanah, Pastor Jason’s daughter with us which was really nice. Apparently her school day started with the school smelling like gasoline! Jeannie was able to come again – she’s so sweet.

Last night I drew a couple pictures. They aren’t my best work but just what I had come through to draw:

So where does my name come from? My name was from Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. She was many years before I was born but still an inspiration to my parents I guess!

Matthew 16:13-20New International Version

Peter Declares That Jesus Is the Messiah

¹³When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

¹⁴They replied, “Some say John the Baptist;others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

¹⁵“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

¹⁶Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”