25 April 2018 Warranty, Guarantee and Word

Good morning to you, at least it is here as I write.  I’m up very early.  My allergies kicking in after the yard work yesterday.  Since I couldn’t sleep anyway, a word kept popping in my head and that was Warranty.  I know weird right?!  Well I guess I had that come up because of all the things that are going on with our house right now to include ants.  Yesterday afternoon I went out and followed some ants that were going from our garden, along a wooden garden fence and along the wall all the way to the front of the house!  This has been a  recurring thing for us.  Sometimes it feels like a mistake to have bought this house.

24 April 2018 ants on the side of the house looking like they are making a nest in the walls. We’ve had them get into the house and into our laundry basket before!

When we first moved in here, back in November of 2009, we had inspections done to check for insects and other things going on.  Everything came up fine.  Then shortly after we got settled in we had a major termite infestation along the back of the house and had the company Terminix come and do a treatment along the entire perimeter of the house that cost us thousands of dollars.  Neighbors told us that the original builders for the homes here had some pretty shady stuff going on and were run off.  I guess they didn’t catch them in time so that Masonite siding wasn’t put on our house which we have had to recently spend thousands of dollars to replace with aluminum siding.

Then we were paying these folks to come out on a regular basis until I started to realize that if we were killing insects, we were probably doing something to ourselves and our pets too!  I started to think about how when we would bag up our leaves and yard waste that we might be taking away the insects food etc., but after yesterday, I’m not sure that is what is going on with ants.  After all I’m not an ant right?!  They don’t think like humans do even though they are very intelligent it seems.  I’m wondering if all the new construction near us, the rise in a bunch of folks to include the those the city contracts to maintain the grass by the side of our road and myself cutting the lawn and stuff may have stirred them up into emergency mode.  They seemed to be gathering eggs and trying to hide.  Most people don’t really consider this, but I have really started to these past few years, that what we do to nature will come back, in some cases, and literally bite us.  When our homes are disrupted for whatever reason we move and I’ve noticed this also the way of insects.  I try to use the least “nasty” way I can to deal with insect problems because I don’t want my husband, dogs or myself to be affected too!

A couple of years ago, we decided to put in a new shower.  What happened is the old shower developed a leak in the floor and we couldn’t afford to fix it properly.  When we finally could afford it, we contracted a company named Bathfitters to put in a built-in shower.  What a mess that was and it had to be done more than once!  When they initially pulled everything out and there was a lot of mold from the previous shower problem.  Rather than stopping what they were doing, they just kept going and it ended up having to all be ripped out again.   Turns out there was pre-existing termite damage to the walls and an incredible amount of mold that wasn’t caught by home inspectors before we bought the house.  There were even cockroaches that seemed to have been asleep in the wall!  Wow did that ever freak us out to find huge cockroaches in the wall.  After the wall was opened up, a bunch of them came out and freaked us out so bad we taped off the bathroom for a couple of days!  Then we vacuumed them up and couldn’t believe they survived!  I felt so bad for them!  We decided to put them outside.  Any cockroach I’ve come across in the house since, which is extremely rare because we try to keep the house clean, I get back outside.

Anyhew, back to the shower.   We had to pay for someone to come and inspect the mold and do lab work which cost us almost $1,000 out of pocket. it wasn’t covered by our Homeowners Insurance.  Thankfully we didn’t get sick, which was a relief.  If anything we probably got a boost to our immune systems!  We had a Warranty with Terminix for termite damage but since it seemed to be a pre-existing condition, they didn’t honor the warranty and it felt like we had been paying for nothing.  We discontinued services with them after we had them come out and do an exclusion service for mice and rats in the attic.  Yeah…that problem too lol.  If it hadn’t been for the USAA inspector, we would have had little to now help with what we went through.  Not only did he do the inspection for the shower, this professional made sure we had an updated fire extinguisher and inspected our other water related appliances and gave us some advice on how to prevent problems.  Sadly that didn’t stop our water heater from going and flooding out our garage later but we appreciated his help.

A couple of years ago, a neighbor had her entire front walk rise up and they had already had numerous foundation repairs.  She told me she had a geologist come out and they told her that these houses with straight up slab to soil foundations shouldn’t have been built.  The geologist told her this kind of soil was for growing cotton. I don’t know about growing cotton in this soil, but I do know it is expansive clay soil that expands when we have dry weather and contracts when it rains.  I could probably make pots out of the soil when it’s wet if I wanted to,  When it’s been really dry, I’ve been able to lower the entire handle of a garden hoe into it!  After the first time I was able to do that and noticed the same thing in the field where new houses have been built,  I started putting tree branches and stuff in the huge cracks, like giving the earth stitches I guess,  to try and seal things up.  This seemed to help some with what was going on in our backyard.

It feels like every single thing that has gone wrong with our house, the HVAC going, the water heater, the fence rotting out, the existing windows being crap, the foundation of the house being cracked, the repairs we’ve had to do to the inside of the house because the foundation is bad, basically anything water related, insect issues, electrical issues….all this and more is not covered by any sort of warranty and when it is, the people who did the work are less than pleased to honor their warranty.  These are all things that go with home ownership they don’t seem to figure in when banks and mortgage companies  determine whether or not you can afford to own a home!  I want so much to be able to just live in my home and be grateful for the blessing, but it’s hard when it feels like all your doing is having to do crisis management.  Very stressful and not helpful to someone like myself going through personal issues already.

Most companies do not make money doing warranty work.  As I mentioned, the Masonite rotted out on our house so we hired Home Depot to come out and put up aluminum siding.  They contracted an independent contractor to do the work.  What are the chances that if something ends up failing on this work will I be able to have the same people who originally did the work come back and do repairs?  Not very likely.   We talked to these folks a bit, even fed them.  They mentioned being put in the position of having to get rid of materials from the job in their personal garbage!  I suggested they talk with Home Depot about this and I also included this in my feedback to the company after the job was done.

We’ve had storms since we moved here.  We’ve had roof was inspected by USAA.  They only found one panel out of place and didn’t want to replace the roof like has been done for other neighbors.  So now if we want to get a new roof, it’s basically hoping there is enough damage to call for repair or having to spend thousands of dollars out of pocket when we can afford it.  We don’t have flood insurance so if anything happens as far as water damage, I doubt we’ll be covered.

What are the chances, that my new fence is already failing because we chose not to put toxic chemicals on it to seal it, that they would honor their warranty?  The two men, both Hispanic, who I talked to didn’t seem sure they were even going to get paid for their work!  So now I’m stuck with another bad fence I have to figure out how to repair myself or take the chance at hiring someone to come out to fix.  We tried to hire our neighbor first, a veteran, but he didn’t want the job.

I can remember talking the man who did our foundation repair and we talked about a reason I suspect our foundation is having problems is fracking by the natural gas and oil industry.  I feel like the house and the soil around it gets shaken like a flour sifter.  He didn’t disagree with me.  He told me that most of what his company ends up doing is warranty work.  After the second time I called him to come out and he “didn’t find anything wrong” I just stopped calling him.  We had foundation repairs done on only half the house and probably needed it all the way around….we couldn’t afford it.

We paid over $1,000 to a person who owns his own business to come out and repair the ceilings that were a problem even before we bought the house, and all the problems that they were supposed to fix came undone almost right after they did them.  We had them come out more than once to fix their work and it got to a point why bother!   We could have taken them to small claims court but decided it was more trouble than it was worth.

Since we started this whole home adventure, one person, the person who installed our HVAC unit, has truly honored his work.  It was the owner of Cool Climate who installed the system and when there was a problem, he was the one who came out and did the repairs free of charge.

25 April 2018 – this is me using logic to tackle the meaning of words. I use the alphabet 1-26 and assign a numerical value to each word. Don’t know if this makes sense to anyone else but it does to me.

This morning I decided to “number out” the numerical values of the words Warranty, Guarantee and Word.  It was interesting to see that the values of Warranty and Word both ended up with an odd value, 3.   How I interpret this is both are subject to interpretation of more than one person.  The numerical value of Guarantee came back to the value of 1.  I interpret this to mean if you guarantee your work, it all comes back to you.  If there is something wrong with what you’ve made or something you’ve done and you made a guarantee…then if you don’t honor it, it ultimately reflects back on you and your reputation.  So to me, and from my personal experience warranties and words can be just about worthless depending on their motive for existing.  If you make a warranty on a product with no intention of ever honoring it or making it extremely difficult to be honored, why bother at all?  Why not just make good and services of such a quality you can guarantee they will be worthwhile?

What I have come to understand is home ownership is kind of a financial trap.  There is the illusion of ownership, but in truth, who is the master of the castle so to speak?  When I was in the military, we always had housing and when we could buy a house, I always chose to rent.  Renting had it’s own set of pitfalls but at least someone else was being help accountable for getting repairs done etc.  When I lived in base housing, there were standards to be met and if you didn’t meet them, you could face consequences through your chain of command.  Adapting to a world without consistent standards has been very difficult for me.  At least in the military, if I didn’t have a lawn mower or something there was a place I could go to borrow one so I could meet standards!

When we lived in Delaware it wasn’t easy living in a section 8 apartment but it was what we could afford and the only way we could keep my cats.  We got screwed many ways living there too, but at least it was easier to walk away.  I can’t just do that with this house without a high personal financial, mental, spiritual and physical toll to be taken on my husband, my dogs and myself.

The reason I’m sharing all this is because I know there must be many folks out there going through similar circumstances.  When you are going through stuff like we are, it can feel exasperating and overwhelming.  At times, this house seems almost like a person with health problems.  You fix one thing and then there are three other things wrong.  Sadly, we can only afford to fix one problem at a time and hope all the others don’t surface too quickly and  make it impossible to fix anything!   

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24 April 2018 Drawing and Personal Difficulties with Laws

24 April 2018 Compass drawing today. The one with the red flower kind of looks like a Litten from Pokémon lol.

As you might be able to tell from my previous posts, I’ve been in a pretty negative head space the past couple of months.  Today the weather was really nice and so I decided to do some chores outside which included taking the weed whacker to our lawn (our electric mower stopped working), laundry with my husbands help and I did the drawing I’m sharing (hopefully you can make it out, using my old camera!).   Doing these things and having my husband and dogs around helped me too.  There have been a lot of things going on lately that have been setting me off, but I’ve been trying to deal with things the best I can.  Doing things like chores, crafts and listening to music really help.  I’ve started on another corner-to-corner blanket and that helps me when I’m restless watching television and also helps with winding down my mind before bed.  I haven’t been reading as much as I normally do but that’s ok.  It’s been a long time since I had a book/story that has kept my attention.

Yesterday I had something come up with people putting business cards and flyers in the mailbox trying to get us to call them for yard services.  I got pretty upset and walked some sensitive letters I wanted to mail out down to the post office.  I was concerned at finding someone had been in my mailbox that they might also mess with the mail I wanted to send out.  Sometimes, with the way I can be and my military background, I can get paranoid like that.  My husband and I very rarely, if ever, have hired a person to do yard work unless they have been recommended by a trusted family member and or friend.  One time, recently, we took a chance to allow a young person to rake leaves and kind of regretted doing that in hindsight.  He basically got money for doing nothing.  I was just trying to be charitable to him and ended up having to go behind him and do most of the work!  I am actually surprised his parents let him go to people’s houses like that unsupervised to begin with!

Anyhew!

Walking to the post office wasn’t a wasted trip.  It was great exercise and I found out that it’s actually illegal to put business cards or flyers in people’s mailboxes!  After I found this out, I felt guilty and like a hypocrite!  I think a year after we moved here,  I had tried to ask people, via flyers on the mailbox, if they wouldn’t hire Kyle and I to walk their dogs.  I have also put Christmas cards in people’s mailboxes in the neighborhood instead of handing them directly to them and you can’t do that either without putting postage on the letter!  So I learned a lot and felt like a hypocrite for getting mad at people for stuff I was guilty of myself.  This happens to me from time to time and it’s a humbling experience for sure!  I did some research on my own, as the folks at the post office said there is like a $300 fine.  What I found on this was from way back in 1997!  Here is a link:  https://www.gao.gov/products/GGD-97-85.  When I went to their official site, I couldn’t find a current answer to my questions.

To me it seems like we have a lot of laws in America that should be reviewed by somebody.  Are the existing laws really necessary and if so, are they actually being enforced?  The example I shared is an existing law that is not being enforced at the small town level.  With how large one mail carrier’s route is, how can they be expected to take care of these violations?  Are such violations merely the responsibility of the United States Postal Office or are they also the responsibility of local law enforcement?

I feel bad for everyone on this deal to include the people like me who can’t afford to start a business in the conventional way and are trying to find a way to make money.  Not everyone can afford expensive advertising using conventional means to get someone’s attention!  Around where I live, trying to start a lawn business is very popular.   When you try to just start a business on your own, however, there is a catch.  For example if I had actually got anyone to let me walk their dogs, what would happen if I got bit or hurt while doing it?  I didn’t have references, wasn’t licensed, bonded and or insured like a professional dog walker would be.  If something had happened while walking a dog, it would have been all on me and I would be held liable.  My husband and I aren’t exactly independently wealthy to be able to afford getting sued by somebody!  There are similar things involved with lawn service or any other kind of business.  Hiring someone who doesn’t have references, isn’t licensed, bonded or insured to do any kind of work is taking a big risk.

When I was growing up, mail was delivered directly to your front door instead of a box.  Then they had neighborhood mailboxes  for a time and they went away.  If I wanted to, I could pay extra for a P.O box but that would mean walking and or paying for gas to drive and pick up my mail every day.  Really kind of a mess isn’t it?!  We’ve had mail delivered via UPS or FedEx before and it’s gone missing before.  I don’t understand what happened to just having a box attached directly to your house but that’s just me.  There seems to be a lot of inconsistency in the postal and legal system here in the U.S.

This is just my opinion and I wanted to share this experience as it might help enlighten someone about this issue.

21 April 2018 Who am I writing for?

Hello to you.  Hope this finds you doing well.  If you have stumbled into my blog, chances are there is something here that might interest you.  My interests are all over the place!  Just the way I’ve always been.  For the past couple of years I’ve been unsure about continuing to blog but here I am!  I have been writing in one form or another since I was in kindergarten so I guess that is my main “thing.”  I used to write short stories and that sort of thing.  You know what the hardest thing about writing a longer story is for me?  Dialogue lol!  Since I’m not a very sociable person,  crafting dialogue between people in a story is incredibly difficult for me.  I think that’s probably why when I have written a story, the best ones anyway, they have been short or a poem.  Writing poetry has always come very easy to me.  My birth mother was an artist and a writer too.  I have a few of the things she wrote and also some of her drawings.  Even without her being here, we are connected!

When you write a blog like this, it’s hard to know who your “target” audience is.  I may sit down and be wanting to write about something but when I look at the views, people coming to my site are looking for something else.  This creates a dichotomy for me.  Please others or please myself?  I try to find a way to do both.  I’m noticing people visiting here are very interested in Keshe Foundation technology seemingly more than anything else.

I’m sorry if I don’t have anything new to share about that.  I kind of flit in and out with my interest in that on a personal application level.  I learn best by seeing and doing when it comes to more complex things.  I have a tendency to get parts of information and then go off on my own with it which I did  with this.  This can be positive or negative depending on what it is I do this with.  The direction I went seems to have been a positive direction.  Instead of coils for cars, I was experimenting with making hand-held healing devices.  I made a couple and have shared them and apparently they actually helped people.  I do not take credit for whether or not they worked, just that the people receiving them believed they would work and they did.

Buying wire and supplies is expensive and working with it tears up my hands sometimes because it’s hard for me to wear gloves.  The gauge wire you need for what Dr. Keshe is teaching is 14 gauge copper and I like to work with smaller gauges.  For the devices I like to make, I use like 20 gauge copper wire and or aluminum because it’s easier to work with and doesn’t hurt my hands so much.  It takes a lot of wire to make the coils and that can get expensive for someone like me.  If I were to continue making the devices I came up with, I would need supplies.  I wouldn’t feel comfortable selling the devices.  When Dr. Keshe gave us the technology he made it pretty clear that if we passed it on, we shouldn’t profit from it.   This is just me, not all would agree with my point of view.

In this video, is an example of how I make my own coils:

I thank you for stopping by today and hope what I’ve written is somehow useful to you!

Organic orgonite I was experimenting with making a couple of years ago. This was extremely labor intensive to make.  I would need better equipment to be able to make it again.  It really caused quite a smell to make it in the house and composting the materials in a bucket was like cow poops lol. 

19 April 2018 Elections Dilemma

Hello to you. It’s Thursday as I write to you in your where and when. Have you ever had a lot on your mind? Have you ever had a bunch of things you think you should do but just can’t bring yourself to do any of the things you used to do? My current dilemma is voting in the upcoming elections in our town. I have seen signs around town telling me who is running for office, but I don’t know who these people are. There are a lot of issues I’m concerned about but don’t even know if my going to vote will have any impact. My husband and I have voted before and just didn’t feel like our votes counted. I guess I’m experiencing a bit of apathy about things like this.  All of what I am sharing is from my own personal experience and so keep that in mind if you decide to read what I’ve written here!

There are several major concerns for me.  They are ongoing issues we’ve been dealing with as a community since my husband and I moved here back in 2009.  We  have tried to do something about many of these things but little has changed.  Many of the issues are town has had to face are so expensive, like the city water system, that it’s been a very slow walk to getting things dealt with.

Am I a bad person if I don’t choose to vote on 5 May 2018?

Well it would make me a hypocrite of sorts. My husband and I have been hard on people in the past when they told us they weren’t going to vote.  For the 2016 election, my husband and I went and voted. We each voted for we who we felt would best serve the country.  We prepared as best we could.   I voted for a candidate that was a 3rd party candidate.  My hope was that if enough people would do so, we would have the option for future elections.  Unfortunately, my thought process didn’t seem to make a difference.   It seems, as is customary,  most people voted along party lines.

I feel like we need more choices….more options.  There is a quote I have read somewhere,  by Mark Twain that says “if voting truly mattered, they wouldn’t let us do it.” I guess it’s a darned if you, darned if you don’t kind of set of circumstances. If you don’t vote, you kind of give up the right to complain about the results but ironically….we still complain anyways regardless of how things go!

There is a part of the voting process I have a problem with, the electoral college.  It feels like with this system in place, the value of our votes is somehow diminished.  When my husband and I lived in Delaware, it was primarily a Democratic state. We registered as Democrats.  We voted in the 2008 election and felt like our vote mattered.  Now we live in Texas, which is primarily a Republican state. We are still registered Democrats.   Knowing what we do about the Electoral College, it felt like our vote in the 2016 election was pretty much irrelevant.  It seems like, as I look back over the past couple of years, there is a divine plan at work.  For those of you who read my blog on a regular basis, you know that there has been a part of me wondering if this wasn’t some reverse psychology experiment to try to repair our damaged country.   I want to believe positive changes are manifesting as I write today!

So what do I do for this upcoming local election right??  Not vote and risk losing the option or vote and get a resentment? I’m just not sure yet what I will do.  My Mom, for the last elections in her town, and I’ve done this too, got ballots prior to the election.  She did this so she could research what was up for voting before she went in and cast her ballot.  There doesn’t seem to be an easy, unbiased way to research candidates especially for local elections. Not everyone has easy access to the internet. I don’t know if my town has ballots people can pick up to read and information about candidates. Sometimes I’ve seen stuff like this at the public library.  I wonder if they have ever considered mailing them out to all those in their water bill system?  We get both an electronic and paper copy of our bill now.  We tried to pay online, but there is a service fee and we chose not to participate.

I would like to see more diverse representation of life for our town. For one local election a few years ago, one of the candidates, a woman, actually walked around and came to our door to talk to us. We ended up voting for her but she lost to incumbents holding office. We had a lot of admiration for her being willing to actually take the time to talk to us in person so we could put a face with the name on the ballot. Right now, as it stands, I do not feel qualified to vote for our local election.   I have a lot of concerns I think a candidate should know about and hopefully address in their tenure in office.

I am concerned about our drinking water and personally concerned about living next to natural gas lines running along utility lines along a major road.  The soil in which the lines are running is expansive clay soil and next the lines are several electrical and internet lines.  I was very upset when they fracked the natural gas well in between our middle school and junior high school.  We had a gas leak a couple of years ago and didn’t find out about it until a neighbor who used gas in their house told us about it.  Why aren’t there sensors all along the lines or are there?  Are they being monitored so if something goes wrong people are directly notified?  If not, why not?!  We have natural gas lines running all through our town and it really kind of scares me.  I’ve written about the issues we’ve had since we moved here many times.  I have deleted many posts just because it seemed like a moot point because it just keeps happening.  I feel bad for the person running our town, heck our state.  It must be very difficult to be responsible for managing something like a city, state or country.  So much money is required to maintain what seems to be a crumbling infrastructure.  For our town, a lot of those repairs are chronic and homeowners like myself end up paying more than once for what it takes to extract energy from the earth.  We have spent thousands of dollars on our home and all the repairs we’ve had to make are not covered by our home owners insurance.  I know with all energy systems there is risk, but natural gas is particularly scary for me.  Even though we don’t choose to use it in our home, we are still subjected to the risks our neighbors incur by choosing to use it in their homes and businesses.

We are getting a new subdivision down the street when we have so many other pre-existing things going on that are not be addressed it seems. The other day I was using a pot of tap water with some essential oil in it and it cooked all the way down. There was a white powder residue at the bottom of the pot! I have seen this same white powder on my soaker hose that we use to water the grass and that’s part of the reason we don’t drink tap water in our town.  We reported the problem to the city and they came out to investigate.  They told us just to run the lines to clear it which didn’t make sense to me.    We have had reoccurring problems with regards to drinking water ever since we first moved here.  I have a health condition and have to take medication as do many other people in our area.  There are many families with elderly and young children.  I hope the water is safe.   Personally I would like to be able to trust the tap water and stop having to feel like I need to buy water in plastic containers from the local grocery store.

I hope that whomever is elected will ensure each department has enough staff.  A couple of years ago, prior to the contract being approved for the subdivision near completion down the street,  I warned the city that they needed to make sure we had adequate resources for growth. Just the traffic alone is a concern.  With 120 units going in,  with a minimum of 2 cars per house, that’s about 240 additional cars being added to the traffic on North Cummings.  There are currently only two ways out of the subdivision and in the event of an emergency, this could prove to be a hardship for the families living there now.  I think the city still has the option, to create another exit point.  I have been told the RV Park owns the property that would be required to make another exit point for the neighborhood.

I hope the people who plan to run the town are going to make sure we have the dog park that we were told by other citizens was promised some 15 or 20 years ago.  A lot of people have dogs in our town.  I have tried to participate in local politics.  I served on the Planning and Zoning Committee, the Parks board and my husband and I used to attend City Council meetings.  We stopped having anything to do with most things going on in town after what happened with the subdivision process.  I was pretty hurt about it.  I went before the council and spoke for probably 15 minutes with my Mom, my husband and another neighbor present.  I didn’t feel we were prepared for what adding so many more people to the town would mean and what I said didn’t seem to matter.  It was like they had already decided what they were going to do and just let me talk anyways.

Sigh….such is local politics and pretty much every layer on up to the White House in my opinion. It’s so complex and so hard to find a middle ground for just about anything it seems. I am going to be praying about what I should do and do a little research to see if there is anything on the City web page about the election: http://www.cityofalvarado.org/.

I hope something here is helpful to someone out there.  I’m not trying to put a stick in the hive.  I am just sharing my own personal experience with the voting process from a perspective at the lowest level and I hope it’s helpful.   Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself what you would do if you were in similar circumstances.  You can decide to do nothing or to at least try to speak up.  Writing is pretty much the only way I have found for myself that I can try to make any sort of difference for hopefully the better.

26 Aug 2016 – I wrote this in my pink spirit book while waiting to get a military identification card and it seems appropriate to share with all this:

We choose our anger

We choose which

Direction we look

We choose our hallowed ground

Our battlegrounds

For war or peace

Each space between an action

A thought unspent

A choice

A promise kept

It’s so easy to choose

A reflex….a flash

Buying a way out

With someone else’s cash

Whichever direction

We choose to fill the space

In between thought and deed

We best avoid reliance

On the currency

Of greed……

 

18 April 2018 Difficulty in rising above obstacles in my own life

Hello to you.  I hope this finds you doing well today.  I’m doing ok but a little frustrated with my life at the moment.  I think my biggest frustration at the moment is my medical situation and the mail system in regards to my personal life.  I am having to practice mind over matter a lot lately to not let myself get pulled down by forces outside of myself.  I am having to, almost every minute of the day, rise above obstacles that are put in front of me by other well meaning individuals.   I have family and friends who like to write me letters and it’s very thoughtful but makes me feel obligated to write them back even when I am not wanting to do so.  In the past letter writing was effortless for me but now I find myself suspicious of everyone and everything.  I am having severe trust issues with even those, who in the past, were close to me.

With my being on yet another new medication, this isn’t helping me trust most anyone at this time.  I have been feeling like a prisoner or a hostage in my own home.  I don’t have much of a say of what my daily activities are and this doesn’t help me feel any better either.  This makes me feel like a child and I’m 50 years old!  I am 50 years old in years but inside I have always been much younger.  My way of being can make people feel very protective of me and this is increasingly a source of frustration at the moment.   The only way for them to contact me, they have found in the past, is through letters. I can’t stand talking on the phone, have stopped using any social media and  that is frustrating for people wanting to stay in touch with me who use those modalities for communication.  I currently have a stack of unread letters that I will read,  but as it stands at the moment, do not want to respond to.  Will the people writing take personal offense to my not wanting to write them back?  Hard to say.  I am not famous or in any political office, but I can imagine what I am dealing with is much the same for them at times.  I have written one fan letter in my entire life and I received a response but I am not even sure, at this point, who it was actually from.  I shared here about receiving the letter but deleted the post for concern of my own safety and their privacy.  It feels like every single thing I do is wrong sometimes.  After I received the response I thought was from them, I tried to send another note, it was a Christmas card.  I sent the Christmas card as a courtesy to the same person.  The first letter was sent to them during a time they were going through a crisis and I wanted to help.   I wrote to and it was returned on the same day I found out David Bowie had died….it was devastating for me to have that happen.   I still have both notes but sometimes wonder if I should even keep them.

I am running into a quandary about letters and if I should keep them.  They are part of the history that oftentimes gets lost.  Little people like me, my family and friends get lost in time if we just throw everything away but I am just so overwhelmed.  I don’t want to end up buried with papers all over the place of stuff I just don’t know what to do with!  I am not a hoarder and do not like to keep everything.  Oh to have a professional archivist at my disposal!  I have boxes and boxes of negatives that need to be processed and no clue what to do with it all.  UGH!

May be this resonates with someone who might visit today.  In my sharing this I just want to let you know you aren’t alone.  Sometimes life can seem like it’s closing in and the boundaries of it are very small but there is one space no one can take….the spirit.  I firmly believe that no matter what life hands me, my spirit energy is connected with the God of my understanding.  The God of my understanding remains the Source of all creation to include nature.  Everything I am and ever could hope to be is by the grace of this amazing Source of energy.  Whenever I feel like I am being torn down, beaten up, and about to give up, the Source will tap me with something as fine as a blade of grass to my face to encourage me to get back on my feet.  I don’t expect anyone else to subscribe to this belief system, but may be something will resonate and encourage you, if you have fallen down, to get back up.

There is a song that a counselor at a hospital I once stayed at who introduced me to, “Fear” by Blue October.  It helped me so much.  After I got out of the hospital I found out they had more songs and one of them is called “Home.”  Thinking about this song reminds me of how grateful I am for music of all kinds.  Music has been a source of great strength for me most of my life along with spirituality.

Some time ago I shared information about a non-profit organization called Music and Memory.  I believe in my heart, based on my own experience, that indeed these folks may be on to something.  It’s wonderful to imagine people getting a device with music and their being able to come to life inside.   Just singing to someone, without a device, could help too I think.  Like when children and groups go to hospices, hospitals and rehabilitation centers and perform for the residents and clients there.  If you are interested in learning more about Music and Memory, they have a web site and they also have videos on YouTube.  We have donated to them as part of our Christmas gifts exchange before instead of actual Christmas gifts.

We all fall down and I believe that God, or whatever name you would personally use for the God of your understanding, wants us to get back up and help each other walk again.  May be someday, my dream of a life without having the labels others put on me will actually be possible.  I hope something here resonates with you and helps you.

17 April 2018 Edits and ideas about the future I would like to see

Hello to you.  I hope that wherever and whenever this finds you that you are having a good day.  This phrase where and when comes from watching a scientist named Mehran Tavakoli Keshe of the Keshe Spaceship Institute.  Ever since I started to try to follow his work back in October of 2016 I think it was, I have planted a seed in my heart for his work.   It was so exciting to see what he and all the wonderful people also inspired, are trying to do with the technology he is sharing.  He inspired me to try more experimenting in my kitchen!  Seeing and hearing what he was proposing made me think of the visionary Gene Roddenberry of Star Trek.  When I was in the United States Air Force, my dream was for their to be a purple force.  I talked about this with many people I worked with.  My vision was for all branches of the armed forces to unify for one mission of peace.  I would love to see people, if they wanted to, to be able to join with others to go to regions of the world and be goodwill ambassadors of peace-making.  I would love for them to be able to hug people, help people get on their feet again and not have to worry about their well-being or safety.  It is a utopian view I know….probably even childish in a way but that is my way of thinking.  Not everyone would necessarily share my point of view especially if they have been on the receiving end of unfair activities.  It is not my place to say….”above my pay-grade.”

I wanted to recommend to anyone who regularly reads my writing here of the many, sometimes, severe edits to the blog.  I have deleted countless pictures, my art and words out of concern for others.  My original intention at starting this blog was to write for myself like a journal and it has become much more than that.  I have censored myself and part of this is because I would take some time after I wrote something and realize I didn’t have all the facts or was writing about things I didn’t know everything about.  I only had my perception or view and my sources were from the internet which aren’t always reliable.  Even the sources I thought I could count on seemed to have faults with them or someone would say or write something to discredit them like snopes.com.

Ironically, it is from President Trump and his proposal of “fake news” that I started to question even myself but this isn’t a bad thing.  Not everyone would agree with me.  I decided some time ago, after disputes about his Presidency were creating rifts between my family and friends, that possibly our parents knew something I didn’t.  I started to think about him differently, like a “Trump” card.  I began to wonder if he was actually trying to help us in the opposite way we might expect.  I wondered if everything he and other world leaders were doing was their way of attempting to fix this mess we have been in without our even realizing it.  I began to wonder if he might actually become of the greatest presidents we’ve ever had and I say that not knowing if he was conscious of his behavior.  I decided that I would change my perception of him like I have done for anyone I have come to know in world history, to include  Adolf Hitler.  What I came to understand, for myself, a long time ago is that based on my life, who am I to judge anyone?  I don’t believe anyone is perfect and I don’t believe perfection even exists.  Someone once said, there is perfection in imperfection and I believe that.  This is just me and my opinion.  Everyone has their own opinion and personal perspective on this life and I respect that.  Sometimes it’s hard to get many “passionate” perspectives to communicate but I believe it is possible if we find a way to agree on what we have in common.  This is a good place to start and many very smart people have shown me this by their example.

I am nattering on as my friend Les often says of herself in her letters lol.  I hear my neighbor cutting their lawn at the moment and my back yard is very high but I wouldn’t be embarrassed if anyone saw it.  I don’t choose to cut my yard anymore for more than just not having a lawn mower (we tried an electric/corded mower and it didn’t work out).  I worry about all those I harm when I cut the lawn.  I have wounded crickets and other beings by mowing and those wounded have come to me while I’m in the backyard.  We became “friends” and I started to realize the connection between us and nature through these wounded insect warriors.  If you look at life at each level, it’s all the same but just a little different.  So I try to do the least amount of yard work that I have to so as not to harm anyone.  I could hire people to take care of the yard etc., but I know they aren’t like me.  I keep the front yard to “city” standards (like military standards) but don’t like doing it anymore.  I used to cut the lawn and not care about the other lifeforms but once I started to care about them, to include all the trees trying to make new families, my entire perspective changed.

Some of my greatest teachers are like the cottonwood tree in my neighbor’s yard that was struck by lightning instead of our house.  They let their offspring, seeds, go and sometimes they land on fertile soil and sometimes they land at my back porch or in my HVAC unit.  During an outside  meditation I had some time ago,  I started to think of what these trees do.  I began to think of symbiosis and  how life on this planet may have started.  There is a nature photographer, his name escapes me but I shared his work here before, that inspired me to think of nature in this way.  This is ONLY A THEORY not a fact!  Here is a post I wrote about this some time ago: https://saymber.com/2015/05/07/7-may-2015-in-the-beginning-there-was-symbiosis/.   I am providing the link but will have to edit this.

5 Feb 2017 – I did this yesterday and it was very therapeutic drawing so many little boxes to form a Pecan Tree 🙂

Sometimes I link articles and items of interest to me from other places to give my sources.  I don’t always know if I have permission to share what is on the internet here.  I will be doing less of that in the future.  If anyone should come across something I’ve linked and or shared and you would like it removed, please let me know in the comments section of this blog.  In order to make comments, I think, but am not sure, you must have an account.

 

25 Feb 2018 Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down – Today is Sunday

Good morning!

I made a little video this morning to make a point about something.  The funny things is, the point didn’t come to me right as I was doing this!  I came to the realization when I went to share the video with family and friends on Facebook that my options for acknowledging the content of the video didn’t seem appropriate – namely the “Like” button.  It hit me that when I click Like on things that I don’t, that I’m giving my personal power and energy to manifest more of what I would actually like to see, hear and feel less of in this world!  So if you decide to watch this, and what I have to say resonates with what you feel about the subject, please feel free to give it a thumbs down!  I am hoping you will.   I noticed the view counter for You Tube is counting every time I look at the video from another location so the current number of 8 is just me.

I do not collect an income or royalties from blogging, I do it for me, so I do not consider myself “working” at the moment.

18 Feb 2018 Who are we now?

Hello to you.  It’s 11:45 am on this cool, gray Sunday.  I just wanted to share a positive word.  I feel like I am discovering a way to be useful in this world, and it’s not an easy process but a process just the same – seeking and finding the positive things in people, places and things.   I used to be really good at this – when I was a child of course.  Well thankfully, inside, I still feel my inner child very much alive!  The part of me that our Sam taught me to hold on to – there are no strangers in this world, just family you haven’t met yet.  Not just friends, FAMILY.  Why do I say that?  With my understanding of God as energy.   If everything is energy and everything is God then that makes us all – every single form of life know and unknown – family!

Anyhew.   In my meditation this morning, the message that came forth was about how the past can hang and or trip us up to getting to where we want to go.  I have shared this before here but I will share it again:  “It’s not who we were in the past, it’s who we are now.”  The God of my understanding doesn’t care about the past because Time is our device.  The God of my understanding doesn’t care about what mistakes we’ve made in the past only if we don’t learn from them and intentionally keep repeating them.  If we don’t even try to make amends to those we’ve wronged to include ourselves.

As I sat outside doing this drawing and meditation a thought occurred to me for places we could start making amends – prisons of all kinds, nursing homes, mental health facilities, rehabilitation centers and our churches.  All the places for humans, animals and plants that could be considered cages.  Unconditional love and forgiveness has not been taught or learned by many.  What if we were to work together starting in a place we all share….the heart?  Just a thought…an idea with a positive intention and or motive.

 

14 Feb 2018 Every day

Hello to you this day, where and when you are as you visit me here.  It’s Valentines Day.  Yesterday was my 50th birthday – almost a Valentines baby from what they tell me lol.  The heart and what it means both physically and symbolically has always been important to me – what it is the heart does.  It works every single day for our bodies to remind us we are alive….that is if we actually use it for more than just living.  There is a difference between living and being alive.  There are those who know what I mean.  You see them all the time around you. Those people who laugh too loud, hug too hard, make jokes all the time to try to get you to smile or laugh, go out of their way to make you something you didn’t expect just because they care about you….earth angels.

Valentines Day, like many “Hallmark” holidays has become highly commercialized and one of the biggest things they try to sell us is chocolate.  Well, in the past couple of years I have come to look at chocolate differently than I used to.  What is the process to actually get the chocolate?  Who farms the beans to make the chocolate?  I found out some companies buy the beans, like for coffee, from people who are in the practice of slavery.  Slavery of men, women and children for something that tastes so wonderful.  I won’t belabor the point.  If you research on your own, which I recommend, there is plenty of information about this.

The commercialization of holidays is not just the corporations fault.  It is ours too.  Increasingly we are spending more time on acquiring things than appreciating what we already have.  In the case of Valentines Day….the significant other we have married, live with, are dating….I hope…love.

Relationships are like a garden to me.  If you don’t tend to them every single day, and a farmer or gardener will tell you this too, the garden will not do as well and eventually just become inedible “weeds” (I don’t consider all plants to be weeds, I love dandelions for example and eat them for medicinal purposes).

Every single day is the day to take the time for what is most important in this life, what you “love” the most (thank you Richard Gordon and Carol Lee of Quantum Touch Energy Healing).  Don’t wait for holidays and special occasions to love.  Showering those in your world with material possessions and distractions isn’t entirely the way to do that.   Kyle and I “don’t do Valentines Day” not because we don’t appreciate the sentiment of the day, we have Valentines Day every day, birthdays every day, Christmas every day and certainly, my favorite, Thanksgiving every day.  Every day we live is a gift and so are all those we are blessed to share this life with.  God made the animals and God made us (lovely books at The Country Store I was looking at yesterday when we visited there).

My gift, for my birthday, was going to such a wonderful store run by people who love each other and bake bread and provide organic foods and just what you need.  They don’t have a lot of things, they have good things there that are good for you.  When I go in there I am overwhelmed in a positive way unlike most retail stores.  My Grandma and Grandpa Schmidt used to visit the Mennonite people all the time to get flour and other things they needed especially during the times they were raising 6 boys and times were difficult.  There can be such a thing as too many choices….too much.  Make it well, make it last and above all treat those who make it how you would want to be treated….every day.