Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Each day my online therapist app Better Health has a suggested topic. Todays topic had to do with what communication looks like. A phrase that came to mind almost immediately was “use your words.” Sometimes I don’t have the clarity I’d like to properly communicate things. This has been happening as I’ve tried to explain what I’m experiencing on a daily basis with the Mal de barque syndrome stuff. People ask me if I’m feeling better with swaying and stuff and the answer is usually no. Like this morning I had a dizzy spell like vertigo. It was very brief – when I rolled over in bed.
I’m scheduled for an MRI on the 19th of April to see what’s going on inside my head. Hopefully nothing that can’t be fixed.
I’ve had a lot of people praying for me through this. I am so grateful for the love and support from my family and friends. God must have some sort of plan in all this.
Hello to you. How are you? I’m pretty much the same. This morning my Aunt and I went to a neurologist appt. He did tests to see my reflex response like tapping my knees and wrists and touching the bottom of my feet. He couldn’t find anything so wants to do an MRI and see if anything shows up to explain why I’m experiencing the swaying motion when I walk. He was familiar with Mal de barque syndrome but wasn’t aware of any connection between getting tased and brain and nerve damage. So we shall see what happens.
I was grateful to have my Aunt there with me. When I was married, I had my husband with me all the time. Now that I’m divorced I have to rely on family and they are so happy to help! I am truly grateful and blessed to have supportive family and friends.
Lately I’ve been noticing a lot of social media posts from people from my generation reflecting on what it’s been like growing up when we did. I was born in 1968 and it really is amazing how much we have advanced in some ways and regressed in others. With people living longer there is a mich mesh of generations co-existing at the same time. There is a lot of overlapping between generations. A lot of people seem to want things to go back to “normal” and as I see it what we are experiencing is our new normal. Everyone just wants to do and be what they want but there are forces pushing back against it. Specifically the LGBTQ+ agenda. As a woman who has struggled at times with being born a woman and accepting my lot in life I sometimes get jealous of women who have decided to go through with trans surgery. Specifically top surgery I hate having large breasts. A lot of these types of folks end up on Tik Tok and I am drawn to their pages and stories. One person I was drawn to, can’t remember there name but they laid it out that if you are identifying as trans it is a mental illness. You have to get an official diagnosis in order to go forth with trans surgery and hormone therapy. I had never heard someone say that before. I have found drag queens fascinating. My ex and I used to watch Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Most of the contestants were gay and some trans. You don’t just wake up one day and decide these things. Most seem to know early on that they are different. I was probably 5 or 6 years old when I remember telling my Grandma I was supposed to be a boy. I was one of two female grandchildren, the rest were boys. So it makes sense I would think that. I am glad to be a woman despite the drawbacks! When I was a teenager I was anorexic and bulemic and really thin and athletic but struggled with my weight. I had short hair and was often mistaken for a boy! Anyhew it’s interesting to see the generations getting older clashing in social media. Terms like identifying as binary and stuff I just don’t understand. To me, from my own experience, everybody just seems to be trying to belong…to find their tribe. I am trying to find mine again. I had one in Texas but it split apart. I am attending a Bible study with a nice group of women from church. As welcoming as they are I still don’t feel like I fit in. Is team Jesus my tribe? Just as I am?
Since my last psychotic break or episode it’s been really quiet for me spiritually, mentally and physically. As I’ve mentioned before I get real tired easily and that’s probably due to being overweight. There is more of me to lug around. The medications I’m on have brought about silence in the creativity department and my spirituality is quiet too. I’m having trouble finding my tribe – who or what do I belong when at times I don’t have the clarity to express a single thought? This post is the longest I’ve done in a while!
Generation X seems like I’m part of a broken generation. A generation of people that worked until they got broken so now our days are made up of medical appts and new diagnosis! I have seen and experienced so much brokenness. Everything from being born when Martin Luther King was killed to stuff like Columbine, Sandyhook, the Challenger explosion and 9/11. The technology boom in just a short time. I remember computer data being processed on punch cards! I’m 55 years old and sometimes I feel ancient when I reflect on all I’ve lived through. God must have some use for me yet!
I’ll close for now. Just reflecting and thinking about where I’m at and where I want to head this leg of my journey.
Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I’m just home from joining my Aunt and Uncle at Golden Corral in Nampa ID and members of their life group from church (Grace Bible Church Nampa). I never eat my moneys worth at buffet restaurants but it was nice and the food was decent. I quit eating when I was full which can be hard at such a place with its endless supply for you to gorge yourself on!
It was nice to meet some more people – all older than me. Most of the people my age are still working so I don’t see them except like Tuesday’s Women’s Bible study I’ve been going to and church services when I go. I am wanting to have a sense of belonging and my Aunt tries to help me with that. It doesn’t help that I get tired so easily – the Mal de barque syndrome – all my movements are exaggerated and I feel like I’m lugging around so much extra weight ( which I am!) I feel so out of shape and sluggish. Even after a month using the Steve Harvey drink powder (L’elevate you) I still don’t feel much different.
Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing ok. My energy levels have been pretty low so me and the couch and You tube have been besties lately. When I let Link out a few minutes ago I couldn’t help but notice the beautiful sunset – the light in the neighbors tree really was vibrant. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt inspired to take a photo of natural beauty. I hope it pleases you too.
Hello to you. How is your today? I hope we’ll. Today I find myself grateful for the walks I am able to take with Link. Today he lead me to where a couple neighbors were talking and I was able to say hello and find out we have a stray cat problem. People dumping their unwanteds at the Post Office across the street. One of the men said he’s been feeding a couple of them. He said if I wanted one I was welcome to them. Honestly I don’t know how Link would do with a feral cat as a housemate!
Walking with Link took me past some places where the water still is running freely and that was pretty to see. Getting out with him really is good for me even if it’s kind of tough with the swaying in my head issues. I have a neurology appt this month to further investigate what may be causing me to experience the exaggeration of motion I feel when I walk. I am wondering if Mal de barque syndrome will be the diagnosis and if so will there be anything to be done about it. From what I’ve seen and read there is no cure.
I am just grateful as I write to you for my boy Link. He is a reason to get up each day and to get out in the world.
Hello to you. How are you in your today? I hope well. Last night I went to the Bible study and had a good discussion with the ladies there. I have been having trouble with the devotional we are using. I know it’s not the intention of it to disempower women but some of it comes across that way. I feel like loving ourselves is kind of under scrutiny. I was raised Catholic and I’m attending a Christian church. When I was attending Catholic Church services I feel like the emphasis was on God and not so much Jesus. To me Jesus’s messages is the best part of the Bible. Lately the messages I’m getting is about loving God and others as we should love ourselves but some of us don’t love ourselves. I feel like as Christians we get beat up a little for loving ourselves – for seeking wisdom from inside versus all external in relationship with God/Jesus. I know we are all sinners but I don’t like getting beat up about it. I don’t like being told that no matter what I do I am not good enough. This is where belief in Jesus becomes a focal point. If we are good enough we don’t need Jesus. Anyhew I’m struggling a little bit because I have and know those who have had low self esteem and have turned to God with it and it didn’t help. Sometimes it makes it worse! So keep me in your prayers as I keep you in mine.
Hello to you. How are you? I hope well. Yesterday was my 55th birthday. We celebrated as a family on Super Bowl Sunday at my cousins house as it was a celebration of both of us. He is 4 years older. It was really nice to celebrate together. I didn’t do anything yesterday but did get some nice cards from my Mom and family.
Today is another one of those Hallmark holidays. I think every day is an opportunity to be someone’s Valentine. When I was married to my last husband, we didn’t do anything as we believed every day was a day to treat each other specially. It’s kind of like Mothers and Father’s Day and holidays like them.
My devotional Beauty Beheld arrived today and I started reading it. I can tell it’s not going to be an easy read! Having others to talk about it will help I hope.
Hello to you. How are you today? I hope we’ll. Today started with something new. I decided to try a Steve Harvey sponsored super greens drink product and I got to try my first drink today. It didn’t taste bad at all and I feel pretty good – too soon to tell of course but we shall see. I got 3 months worth so that should give me enough time to see if it’s doing anything. I normally don’t buy stuff like this but something about this resonated with me. I trust Steve Harvey and his testimony really intrigued me to buy his product. The combination of greens is meant to go towards healing at the mitrochondrian cellular level. Here is his testimony from the website for the product:
For years, I had been struggling to keep the energy up needed for my busy schedule. I felt like I was on the sidelines of my life. Not in the game of life. I was struggling with a lack of energy, gut issues, brain fog, and just not feeling right in my own body.
Thanks to my personal health team, they discovered the root cause of my issues started in my cells. Yes, you read that right! My cells. As we age, our cells become damaged, specifically the mitochondria in our cells. These little things are the energy centers or batteries of our cells. Just like when a car’s battery starts to rust, the same thing happens to the mitochondria. This so-called rust damages the mitochondria in our cells and causes loss of energy, gut issues, signs of aging, and so much more. How does this damage happen? Well, to name a few things– the standard American diet, aging, and toxins.
Now, I’m on a mission: to make better health accessible to all, without a prescription. My personal health team created powerful greens powders with a game-changing complex called M-Charge. This complex contains 4 miracle molecules, as I like to call them, that essentially recharge my mitochondria and get them working again. After experiencing L’Evate You, I finally feel better. My best. And I’m no longer on the sidelines of my life and back in the game.
No matter where you are in your health journey, L’Evate You is for you. It’s the tool you need in your toolkit to keep your energy up, be your best self, and feel recharged to do what matters most to you.
Hello to you. How is your day going? I am doing ok so far. Last night we had our first meeting of the Women’s Bible study using the Beauty Beheld devotional. There were nine of us which was a nice amount I think. We read from Genesis the first seven days of creation and how God perceived his creation as good. This correlates to each person on this earth and other creation. Even if we might not perceive something as good of beautiful it is to God depending on what it is. There are some activities that people take part in that are in contradiction to good like child pornography was one example. Even if those who participate in it perceive it to be good it is harmful to the victims of it. We talked about the common phrase beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that can be twisted around sometimes too.
I can tell this will be a pretty challenging read and look at the Bible but I’m curious to continue on. The ladies that were there were all looking for the same things I am and that was namely fellowship with other members of the church. Very nice group of women I’m looking forward to knowing better through the next six weeks.
Hello to you. How are you today? Link and I are getting some vitamin D. The past couple days it’s been really nice outside so we’ve been taking advantage of it.
I decided to join a Bible study starting tonight and they are using the devotional Beauty not Beheld. This is out of my comfort zone but I decided to give it a try anyways. I have been wanting to make friends and get out of the house more and it seems like church activities is a way to do both. I find spiritual activities with women is more about relationship than religion. I feel like that is what I have with Jesus…..God.