28 May 2026 Vertigo

May 29, 2026May 29, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. Today is day two of my experiencing vertigo. When I turn a certain way I feel the spinning sensation. I haven’t taken a walk the past couple days for fear I would fall since my balance is off.

I had a doctors appointment this morning and it was for my ears and weight. I had a new provider again. I gained 5 pounds since my last visit which was very disappointing . I have been trying to walk and do Tai Chi but it isn’t enough. She changed up the allergy medicines since the stuff I’ve been taking wasn’t working to end the fullness in my ears. I have resolved to myself that I have to stop using Grub Hub – it’s too convenient to getting food that isn’t good for me. I stopped taking the Resilia oil of oregano as it wasn’t working for me. If anything it made things worse! If I can’t lose this weight we may end up getting me on a weight loss pill.

The medications I’m taking for my mental health, Depakote and Olanzapine, are notorious for weight gain. But as I have said, I’d rather be fat than crazy! I have never been this heavy before. I feel at times like I’m wearing a fat suite but I’m not giving up!

https://youtu.be/80LdOhMithw?si=Bil76fLeZYymK0f8 – 10 minute full body Tai Chi

For Strength & Courage

Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Joshua 1:9: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” [1]

26 May 2026 Forever

May 27, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. It’s about bedtime as I write to you. I’m not tired yet and know if I try to sleep right now I will just toss and turn. So I will write to you and may be I will get tired!

I was sitting here thinking on what to write about and the word forever popped in. What is forever? As a Christian forever is what happens to us when we die. We die to our physical body and join Jesus and all of our loved ones in heaven for all of eternity – forever. I often wonder what that will be like. For me now I am flesh and bones with my eyes paying attention to my time left here on earth.

I told my therapist this last session that I can feel at times like I am starting to die. My physical health is not as good as it was just a couple years ago. All around me are people my age and younger dying. What makes me so special that I get to live? I have survived many things that take its toll on the body. Facing the end of my second marriage because of my own fault and little that was his really shattered me. Thank God for my family and friends that came to my pleas for help.

Dear Jesus I come before you with my broken self and ask for you to walk with me through what remains of my life here on earth. I love you so much. Thank you for all the earth angels you have put along my journey! Bless those who are like me on this journey. Bless all who are seeking you and may be just are a little lost. Amen.

This song has been with me for many years now. Like Enigma, there is a timelessness to this band:

https://youtu.be/ett1ZgFKw-Y?si=-ks-opUm3ZuUqD79 – Mind in a box – Escape

I awakened in the city to utter darkness.
I was running for hours and hours
through deserted streets.
between all those towers,
there was only rain — only the rain.

I went through doors, I scoured the alleys.
in the rain I climbed ridges.
I walked over bridges, but there was no one there.
I felt deaf, although my hearing was fair.

but there was only silence.
not even the rain…

there must be more.
I need you to quell my fears.
I’ve felt it before.
I need you to shed my tears.

the things I adore.
I need you to feel my pain.
I’m trapped like before.
I need you to stop the rain.

I’ve cast myself into a prison,
with bonds near impossible to break.
I thought my life is built on reason,
but now I know I’ve got to escape.

I’ve depraved myself of all I had,
and thought I need to for my own sake.
I didn’t think I would be so sad,
but without you I cannot escape.
not even the rain…

deep in my heart,
I want you to pull me back.
I’ve kept us apart,
I want you to fix my wreck.

awake with a start,
I want you to enter my mind.
to re-cast my part,
I want you to follow me blind.

I’ve cast myself into a prison,
with bonds near impossible to break.
I thought my life is built on reason,
but now I know I’ve got to escape.

I’ve depraved myself of all I had,
and thought I need to for my own sake.
I didn’t think I would be so sad,
but without you I cannot escape.

escape, it’s not there!
not even the rain…

25 May 2025 Remembering

May 26, 2026 by saymber, posted in drawing, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well from where you are visiting me here. Today is Memorial Day here in the US and my deceased birth mom’s 84 birthday.

Drawing I did of my mom Jeannie many years ago

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the family and friends of those who have fought and died for their country. In addition to that my thoughts turn to those who have fought and lost the battle with mental illness. My mom Jeannie, at the age of 26 is such a person. I was afraid for much of my early life that I wasn’t going to live past 26 – end up just like my mom. I am now 58 – well beyond my fears!

One of the most special memories I have of celebrating Memorial Day is with my exes family going to Arlington National Cemetery. My exes dad and his family played taps at exactly 3 pm at different corners of the cemetery:

https://youtu.be/nhxxOvdM1SE?si=yj7rOt0BimzB6M98 – Taps – We share a Memorial Day tribute, courtesy of the U.S. Air Force Band. It features a bugler from The Ceremonial Brass performing Taps at Culpeper National Cemetery in Virginia

Taps for Veterans Every Memorial Day at 3:00 PM local time, Americans from coast to coast pause to honor those who gave their lives in service to our country.

I nearly lost it seeing so many graves. There were several new graves. The ages of those fallen were my age and younger. Gone too soon!

24 May 2026 The Water Into Wine Miracle

May 25, 2026 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Television

Hello to you on this sunny Sunday afternoon. Today has been really nice. The day started with me asking for God to show me if I should go to church. I had a really tough night – not a full uninterrupted night of sleep. My feet carried me to what I was supposed to do and I went to church! As always, I was glad I pushed through! We were in John 2:1-11:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%202%3A1-11&version=NIV

https://youtu.be/4SCwUVCij3c?si=E_2lCWsRv_1qNR6a – Water Into Wine Miracle – Pastor Jason Boyd

One of the songs we sang today:

https://youtu.be/UoHrBNTfzIs?si=87iOGC42G9nt74vi – Gratitude – Brandon Lake

https://youtu.be/MhjvAAkXbj0?si=b8uk_rFs8alnC0rB – The Chosen – Jesus Turns water into wine

After church I went and bought groceries finally. It was expensive – the coffee I buy was $15 by itself. I’m so glad I only have to buy for Link and I. I usually have groceries last for almost a month. Then I went to have lunch with my Aunt and Uncle. Link was so happy – he loves them so much! I also got to see my sweet cousin Laura who is helping put together a ladies high tea with my Aunt. I sat with my Uncle John and watched a few episodes of a show called Rosemary and Thyme. It’s about two friends who tend to gardens and solve murder mysteries.

22 May 2026 Roses

May 23, 2026 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you in your now. How are you doing? I am writing to you from my favorite spot – the couch with my panda boy Link. I remembered my phone for the first walk today and was rewarded with roses in bloom everywhere!

Now is a time of roses in the neighborhood

I love this picture with his Momma Tippie. He is almost all gray and white now. You can see why we called him panda boy!

I started the new higher dose of olanzapine today. I haven’t really noticed a difference yet – it takes some time for the body to adjust. I am still having the weeble wobble stuff going on with my ears. May be the doctor I will be getting will have new ideas from the doctor I just had!

I asked the internet for positive news about roses and this is what came up as an answer:

Modern rose breeding has successfully solved the historical trade-off between stunning petal colors and deep fragrance. Geneticists have identified the specific pathways that allow new cultivars to produce vibrant blooms without sacrificing their signature scent, while also creating highly resilient, heat-tolerant varieties that require far less maintenance.

Exciting Developments in the Rose World

Stronger Fragrance & Genetics: Molecular researchers have mapped the complex DNA of modern roses. They have isolated the genes responsible for prolonged, repeat blooming and are finding ways to bring back robust fragrance without losing bold, vibrant colors.

Ultra-Resilient Cultivars: Modern varieties are increasingly engineered for heat tolerance, meaning they can thrive in challenging climates without needing constant chemical interventions. Disease-resistant shrub and groundcover roses are now widely available for home gardens.

True Blue Blooms: After years of botanical research, horticulturalists have successfully cultivated and refined “true blue” roses using natural pigment engineering—a color that was previously considered botanically impossible.

Where to Find & Explore the Best Roses

Whether you are looking to plant a low-maintenance garden or just want to admire award-winning blooms, these trusted platforms can help:

American Rose Society: Access official care guides, find local rose societies in Idaho, and browse the latest award-winning rose introductions.

Heirloom Roses: Shop a massive collection of own-root roses that are known for their vigor, fragrance, and disease resistance.

David Austin Roses: Browse the iconic, heavily fragrant English roses that combine classic, old-world charm with hardy, modern disease resistance.

Have you ever noticed how most roses you buy in the store have no smell? I hope that will change.

Dear Jesus I thank you for this day. I thank you for all the beauty in this world and my being able to get out and enjoy it. Please continue to be with my cousin Heidi on her healing journey. I pray for your presence with the elderly, the sick, the unhoused, the poor, the hungry, the addicted, neglected and abused. Amen.

21 May 2026 Positive

May 22, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. I just scrapped an entire post because I know not many people will want to read a rant about how our wild spaces are being violated. I think a lot of people are just so beat up by this world right now that they have become apathetic to it all. They need good news! What is going right with the world?!!! I found the following on the good news network page:

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/prince-william-to-sell-20-of-his-duchy-landholdings-to-build-affordable-housing-and-restore-nature/ :

Prince William is selling 20% of the Duchy of Cornwell estate to fund affordable housing and nature projects over the next decade.

Another good news spot is today.com:

https://www.today.com/food/people/maddys-ice-cream-truck-gives-out-free-ice-cream-to-kids-rcna344574 :

Ice Cream Truck Gives Free Scoop to Little Boy Who Couldn’t Afford It. Now It’s Free for All Kids This Summer

“We don’t turn kids away when they don’t have money,” says Madyson Silvagnoli, owner of Maddy’s Ice Cream and More.

In between all of the bad and sad news are good things happening. My hope is in Jesus who manifests himself in good people and happenings each day. You just have to look! I can remember living in a Section 8 apartment but if you look at the pictures I took living there you would never know. Kyle, Sam and I looked for and found the beauty in between the trash. In between the ugliness of war and chaos are good people doing good things. All is not lost!

19 May 2026 Making Your Bed

May 19, 2026May 19, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health

Hello to you. How are you? I just had my appointment with my therapist and she shared this video with me when she asked if I make my bed in the morning – my answer was yes:

https://youtu.be/sBAqF00gBGk?si=HLdfeB1wnQUGcJg5 – University of Texas at Austin 2014 Commencement Address Speech By Admiral McRaven Leaves The Audience Speechless With Great Words Of Wisdom.

Such a seemingly simple thing to do really isn’t. When people sink into deep depression they can barely get out of bed much less make it. With the stuff I have going on with my ears and energy levels mornings are very tough for me.

Band I recently found:

https://youtu.be/6xqRvyUmnHw?si=UffExsdRsw11uqIg – Dead On A Sunday – Goodbye Horses

17 May 2026

May 18, 2026 by saymber, posted in animals, history, Nature, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you. It’s a windy Sunday afternoon as I write to you. I was just at my Aunt and Uncles. We had a nice meal and watched a lovely show about Hummingbirds narrated by David Attenborough. I saw one at the feeders outside. Soon my Aunt will make them something to drink!

Today began with church. Pastor Jason about brought me to tears. He was having trouble with anxiety and I could so relate! I hate seeing him like that but he is so honest – we prayed for him and he did a great job.

https://youtu.be/5oBXAdmVMco?si=HHGSuNzN8KZK0P14 – The Greatest Verse Ever – Pastor Jason Boyd

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%203%3A16-21&version=NIV – John 3:16-21 NIV

One of the songs we sang:

https://youtu.be/uHqvw5NQ69M?si=4_oB-iyNXQxnF5OC – Ce Ce Winans – Worthy Of It All

Worthy Of It All

Song by CeCe Winans ‧ 2021

Overview Lyrics

All the saints and angels
They bow before Your throne
All the elders cast their crowns
Before the Lamb of God and sing

You are worthy of it all
You are worthy of it all
For from You are all things
And to You are all things
You deserve the glory

All the saints and angels
Bow before Your throne
All the elders cast their crowns
Before the Lamb of God and sing

You are worthy of it all
You are worthy of it all
For from You are all things
And to You are all things
You deserve the glory

You are worthy, You are worthy
(You are worthy of it all)
You are worthy of it all
You are worthy of it all
For from You are all things
And to You are all things
You deserve the glory

Lord, You’re worthy
From the rising of the sun to the going down of the Sun

Day and night, night and day, let incense arise
Day and night, night and day, let incense arise
Day and night, night and day, let incense arise
Day and night, night and day, let incense arise
Come on (day and night) cry out (night and day, let incense arise) You’re holy
Day and night, night and day, let incense arise
Day and night, night and day, let incense arise
Day and night, night and day

You are worthy of it all
You are worthy of it all, Jesus
For from You are all things
And to You are all things
You deserve the glory
You are worthy, You are worthy

, yes, You are
(You are worthy of it all), we owe everything to You, yes, we do
(For from You are all things), from You are all things
And to You are all things
You deserve the glory

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: David Brymer / Ryan Hall

16 May 2026 Oldest

May 16, 2026May 16, 2026 by saymber, posted in history, Nature, photography

What’s the oldest things you’re wearing today?

Hello to you my friends. Today is Saturday and I hope you are going to do something fun! I am just back from a walk. Something I noticed is the flowers in the neighborhood are all in bloom. Normally the roses and Peonies bloom a little later in the year.

Today’s prompt makes me think of my jewelry. A ring I’ve had for several years now that says “Not all who wander are lost” is one I’ve had for several years now. This phrase really resonates with me and much of my life. The saying comes from the line of a poem in Lord of the Rings. I also have a blue topaz ring that is like an eye that I’ve had a really long time. Here’s what the internet had to say about the phrase:

The famous phrase “Not all those who wander are lost” originates from J.R.R. Tolkien’s 1954 fantasy masterpiece, The Fellowship of the Ring. [1, 2]It appears as the second line in a poem known as “The Riddle of Strider” (or the “Song of Aragorn”), which is written about the character Aragorn: [1, 2]All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost. [1, 2]

Context and Original Meaning
In the story, Aragorn is a Ranger who lives a wandering life in the wilderness. He is not wandering aimlessly because he is lost; rather, he lives in exile to protect the realm and guard his true identity as a rightful king. Therefore, within the context of the book, the line highlights that individuals who appear to live unstructured or nomadic lives often have a deep inner strength, a strong sense of purpose, and deep historical roots. [1, 2]Today, the quote is widely adopted by travelers, adventurers, and free spirits to celebrate the idea of embracing the unknown and finding personal meaning in the journey rather than just the destination.

A song from one of my favorite groups:

https://youtu.be/x-KbNstmJKc?si=_d5HQHsOrCSzJNbH – Voyageur – Enigma

15 May 2026 Lead or Follow

May 16, 2026 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Leading Life by Example, Politics and Government, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Are you a leader or a follower?

Good evening. It’s almost bed time as I write to you. It’s hard to believe another week is coming to a close! For some reason my neighbors are shooting off fireworks- thank goodness Link doesn’t get bothered by them!

The prompt for today makes me look back to when I was Active Duty in the Air Force for 16 years. During my time in service I was both a leader and a follower depending on the circumstances I was in. In the military there is a long chain of command leading all the way to the President. You have a supervisor who has a supervisor who has a supervisor and so on all the way up. I can remember having difficulty following orders – I never just blindly followed. When you are a low ranking individual you really don’t have much of a say. As an airmen I got in trouble on more than one occasion of breaking the rules! I had come from a strict home life so you would think following orders in the military would come easily but it didn’t. To be an effective leader you need a pretty thick skin which I haven’t always had. As a young person I was extremely empathetic and had trouble regulating my emotions. Nowadays I have a much thicker skin- almost too much so!

Dear Jesus thank you for this day and all the blessings in it. I love you Lord. I pray that your presence and love flow to all those who are lost in this world. I pray you bless the sick, those on a healing journey like my cousin Heidi, the poor, the unhoused, the addicted, the abused, the neglected to include all animals. Amen.

https://youtu.be/XNjcqx4sW44?si=xA3pp6tf3rbRWRWC – 10 minute Tai Chi