25 Feb 2018 Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down – Today is Sunday

Good morning!

I made a little video this morning to make a point about something.  The funny things is, the point didn’t come to me right as I was doing this!  I came to the realization when I went to share the video with family and friends on Facebook that my options for acknowledging the content of the video didn’t seem appropriate – namely the “Like” button.  It hit me that when I click Like on things that I don’t, that I’m giving my personal power and energy to manifest more of what I would actually like to see, hear and feel less of in this world!  So if you decide to watch this, and what I have to say resonates with what you feel about the subject, please feel free to give it a thumbs down!  I am hoping you will.   I noticed the view counter for You Tube is counting every time I look at the video from another location so the current number of 8 is just me.

I do not collect an income or royalties from blogging, I do it for me, so I do not consider myself “working” at the moment.

Good ol’ Siskel and Ebert remind me of a dream I had many years ago, after Gene Siskel died in 1999, about seeing a face in a flowing desert of red sand and that was all there was left to the world.  I took a look at the numeric value of Thumbs Down and it actually can be a positive thing.  Just my opinion though.

It was widely known for the “thumbs up/thumbs down” review summaries given during Siskel’s and Ebert’s tenures (this was dropped after Ebert ended his association with the program, as the phrase “Two Thumbs Up” is a trademark held by the Siskel and Ebert families).

At the Movies (U.S. TV series) – Wikipedia

25 Feb 2018 Drawing I did yesterday. A bird came and visited me and was very vocal.


13 Feb 2018 Seek First to Understand

20 April 2017 – I don’t know why but I put these things together. The Prayer of St. Francis is one of my very favorites.

Hello just a quick post.  I wanted to share some thoughts that came to me today.  I had been feeling anxious and my brain was running pretty fast and I’m tired from not sleeping so well the past couple of nights.  So I grabbed my chalks, even though it is cold out (if you dress appropriately the cold isn’t so bad), and these thoughts came to me….specifically the words of one of my favorite prayers.  The part about seeking to understand versus always being understood specifically.  Most of my life I’ve tried to do the understanding part but it’s not always easy.  Sometimes you want others to “get you” to understand why you are the way you are and you can’t tell them the whole story of why because they have their own problems too.   It’s hard to focus on other people’s “stuff” when while they are talking, you are thinking about your own self the whole time….”what’s in this for me?  why should I care?”  It’s hard to be selfless and empathetic and or caring and also take care of, even “protect” yourself from others stuff.  This is where compromise, respect, treating others like you would want to be treated and healthy boundaries and all that good stuff comes into play.

Anyhew – hope something here resonates.  One person can’t fix a mess as big as the one we’ve got here on Earth.  I know I didn’t make all this mess but I did have my part in all of it.  We each have a part in the mess and have to find our way of working towards a loving, peaceful, non-violent solution to it.  It didn’t happen overnight!  The phrase that keeps coming to me, “Trust the Process.”  For me that means having faith in myself and the God of my understanding that there is a plan in all of this.

26 Oct 2017 A Simple Prayer St Francis that belong to Kyles Grandma Pat Hultgren

13 Feb 2018 – what a birthday gift to be able to do this every day. What is Time for?  To make money or make a meaningful life?  What is money without a meaningful life?  We’ve created quite the paradox!


12 Feb 2018 Blue TV Screen (dreams) and Time to make amends

Hello to you.  Just a short note to help me process a couple of dreams that woke me from my sleep.  The first one was scary until after I processed it and went back to bed.

What happened is I dreamt I was in bed and Link was next to me and kept growling like he really does.  Then he was on top of my legs like he was protecting me from something in the room.  There was someone there but I couldn’t see them but Link could.  I got up out of bed and was able to see in the dark.  I was slapping my hands together in front of my face like someone was there trying to get inside me.  I was yelling at “them” to “get out!” over and over again. I chased them to the living room and I saw a blue television screen in the darkness and whoever, whatever was in front of it and just disappeared and the tv shut off.  I woke up yelling and screaming which of course upset Kyle.    This dream was like my life but in a different “configuration.”

What came to me, trying to process this dream and calm myself down, was it was not meant to scare me, it was information.  Recordings are like the Horcruxes  in Harry Potter.  We “choose” who had immortality in this process (tv, movies, books and music).  The energy of our attention (adoration) and the emotions attached to what we watch determines what kind of immortal those recorded will be.  Often conflicted.  This brought forth E=Mc2 from my reading about Albert Einstein’s life.  About how yesterday I came to understand Hiroshima was like splitting God into two parts – turning energy against energy….God against themselves!  What came to me this morning also was remembering about God being a jealous God in the Old Testament,  isn’t jealousy a human emotion?  What I have come to wonder is if Time is God’s way of both punishing and loving us for making mistakes like Hiroshima.  Like them saying to us, “I will give you “time” to make amends.”  I visualized us, this whole earth being like one of God’s snowglobes.   Who else but a God could make Time?  Who else but a jealous man could conceive of it?  I know….out there to think such things but that’s how I think – how things are “alike” more than “unalike.”   It is in this way of thinking I have come to this God of my understanding.

12 Bible results for “Jealous God.” Showing results 1-12.

Suggested result

Exodus 20:5 [Full Chapter]

You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

Bible search results

You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

He stretched out what looked like a hand and took me by the hair of my head. The Spirit lifted me up between earth and heaven and in visions of God he took me to Jerusalem, to the entrance of the north gate of the inner court, where the idol that provokes to jealousy stood.

[ The Lord’s Anger Against Nineveh ] The Lord is a jealous and avenging God; the Lord takes vengeance and is filled with wrath. The Lord takes vengeance on his foes and vents his wrath against his enemies.

New International Version (NIV)Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

The second dream was very short but woke me up also because it was so vivid.  It was about being in church or somewhere like it and reading a passage and it being the same frequency as someone else reading it.  Then for the second time I go back and there is a young man with dark hair and eyes with those black horned rimmed glasses who is like a “substitute” for someone else when I come again.  He wants to read with me and just before I begin to read I can hear him whisper  “I love you.”  Then I woke up.



Einstein’s Theory of General Relativity

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Einstein's Theory of General Relativity
Einstein’s theory of general relativity predicted that the space-time around Earth would be not only warped but also twisted by the planet’s rotation. Gravity Probe B showed this to be correct.

Credit: NASA

In 1905, Albert Einstein determined that the laws of physics are the same for all non-accelerating observers, and that the speed of light in a vacuum was independent of the motion of all observers. This was the theory of special relativity. It introduced a new framework for all of physics and proposed new concepts of space and time.

Einstein then spent 10 years trying to include acceleration in the theory and published his theory of general relativity in 1915. In it, he determined that massive objects cause a distortion in space-time, which is felt as gravity.

Two objects exert a force of attraction on one another known as “gravity.” Sir Isaac Newton quantified the gravity between two objects when he formulated his three laws of motion. The force tugging between two bodies depends on how massive each one is and how far apart the two lie. Even as the center of the Earth is pulling you toward it (keeping you firmly lodged on the ground), your center of mass is pulling back at the Earth. But the more massive body barely feels the tug from you, while with your much smaller mass you find yourself firmly rooted thanks to that same force. Yet Newton’s laws assume that gravity is an innate force of an object that can act over a distance.

Albert Einstein, in his theory of special relativity, determined that the laws of physics are the same for all non-accelerating observers, and he showed that the speed of light within a vacuum is the same no matter the speed at which an observer travels. As a result, he found that space and time were interwoven into a single continuum known as space-time. Events that occur at the same time for one observer could occur at different times for another.

As he worked out the equations for his general theory of relativity, Einstein realized that massive objects caused a distortion in space-time. Imagine setting a large body in the center of a trampoline. The body would press down into the fabric, causing it to dimple. A marble rolled around the edge would spiral inward toward the body, pulled in much the same way that the gravity of a planet pulls at rocks in space. [Video: How To See Spacetime Stretch]

Although instruments can neither see nor measure space-time, several of the phenomena predicted by its warping have been confirmed.

Einstein's Cross is an example of gravitational lensing.
Einstein’s Cross is an example of gravitational lensing.

Credit: NASA and European Space Agency (ESA)

Gravitational lensing: Light around a massive object, such as a black hole, is bent, causing it to act as a lens for the things that lie behind it. Astronomers routinely use this method to study stars and galaxies behind massive objects.

Einstein’s Cross, a quasar in the Pegasus constellation, is an excellent example of gravitational lensing. The quasar is about 8 billion light-years from Earth, and sits behind a galaxy that is 400 million light-years away. Four images of the quasar appear around the galaxy because the intense gravity of the galaxy bends the light coming from the quasar.

Gravitational lensing can allow scientists to see some pretty cool things, but until recently, what they spotted around the lens has remained fairly static. However, since the light traveling around the lens takes a different path, each traveling over a different amount of time, scientists were able to observe a supernova occur four different times as it was magnified by a massive galaxy.

In another interesting observation, NASA’s Kepler telescope spotted a dead star, known as a white dwarf, orbiting a red dwarf in a binary system. Although the white dwarf is more massive, it has a far smaller radius than its companion.

“The technique is equivalent to spotting a flea on a light bulb 3,000 miles away, roughly the distance from Los Angeles to New York City,” Avi Shporer of the California Institute of Technology said in a statement.

Changes in the orbit of Mercury: The orbit of Mercury is shifting very gradually over time, due to the curvature of space-time around the massive sun. In a few billion years, it could even collide with Earth.

Frame-dragging of space-time around rotating bodies: The spin of a heavy object, such as Earth, should twist and distort the space-time around it. In 2004, NASA launched the Gravity Probe B GP-B). The precisely calibrated satellite caused the axes of gyroscopes inside to drift very slightly over time, a result that coincided with Einstein’s theory.

“Imagine the Earth as if it were immersed in honey,” Gravity Probe-B principal investigator Francis Everitt, of Stanford University, said in a statement.

“As the planet rotates, the honey around it would swirl, and it’s the same with space and time. GP-B confirmed two of the most profound predictions of Einstein’s universe, having far-reaching implications across astrophysics research.”

Gravitational redshift: The electromagnetic radiation of an object is stretched out slightly inside a gravitational field. Think of the sound waves that emanate from a siren on an emergency vehicle; as the vehicle moves toward an observer, sound waves are compressed, but as it moves away, they are stretched out, or redshifted. Known as the Doppler Effect, the same phenomena occurs with waves of light at all frequencies. In 1959, two physicists, Robert Pound and Glen Rebka, shot gamma-rays of radioactive iron up the side of a tower at Harvard University and found them to be minutely less than their natural frequency due to distortions caused by gravity.

Gravitational waves: Violent events, such as the collision of two black holes, are thought to be able to create ripples in space-time known as gravitational waves. In 2016, the Laser Interferometer Gravitational Wave Observatory (LIGO) announced that it found evidence of these tell-tale indicators.

In 2014, scientists announced that they had detected gravitational waves left over from the Big Bang using the Background Imaging of Cosmic Extragalactic Polarization (BICEP2) telescope in Antarctica. It is thought that such waves are embedded in the cosmic microwave background. However, further research revealed that their data was contaminated by dust in the line of sight.

“Searching for this unique record of the very early universe is as difficult as it is exciting,” Jan Tauber, the European Space Agency’s project scientist for the Planck space mission to search for cosmic waves, said in a statement.

LIGO spotted the first confirmed gravitational wave on September 14, 2015. The pair of instruments, based out of Louisiana and Washington, had recently been upgraded, and were in the process of being calibrated before they went online. The first detection was so large that, according to LIGO spokesperson Gabriela Gonzalez, it took the team several months of analyzation to convince themselves that it was a real signal and not a glitch.

“We were very lucky on the first detection that it was so obvious,” she said during at the 228 American Astronomical Society meeting in June 2016.

A second signal was spotted on December 26 of the same year, and a third candidate was mentioned along with it. While the first two signals are almost definitively astrophysical—Gonzalez said there was less than one part in a million of them being something else—the third candidate has only an 85 percent probability of being a gravitational wave.

Together, the two firm detections provide evidence for pairs of black holes spiraling inward and colliding. As time passes, Gonzalez anticipates that more gravitational waves will be detected by LIGO and other upcoming instruments, such as the one planned by India.

“We can test general relativity, and general relativity has passed the test,” Gonzalez said.

[See our full discovery story here; a video on the find here; and our complete coverage of the historic scientific discovery here]

1028 am – I did some more thinking about the meaning of Einstein’s theory; again, everyone thinking differently may help provide new in-sights.

IMG_3410 12 Feb 2018 Jackie Wygant morning meditation about Einstein Theory of Relativity Alvarado TX

9 Feb 2018 Love and Abandonment (Morning meditation)

9 Feb 2018 /1019 am

I was outside preparing to do some “chalking” when a revelation about connection between “wisdom,” Why of Life and Death and Tree of Life came. It was instigated by my finding seeds that blew down from cotton tree to my hoodie. My good friend the cotton tree helping me again. What came brought forth a lot of tears. If I (we as a species) had remained ignorant, didn’t need to find out why (curiosity) I (we) wouldn’t know or care about living and dying. Sentience and consciousness, “awareness” would never have happened and may be we would have been happier — “Ignorance is Bliss” philosophy.

17 May 2017 – Cottonwood seed ships

Love changed everything because with love comes “attachment.” Something I learned more about through Buddhism’s the 4 Noble Truths and the 8 Fold Path. When you lose something or someone you love more than “existence” you will tear heaven and earth apart to find it, reclaim it. What I was willing to do at Mesa Springs when I didn’t know where Kyle was. What happened to me for 3 years after we lost our Sammy.

Source Internet: Seed of Life. I loved that this is made in stained glass with chakra colors.

Abandonment creates some of the largest energy vortexes, human black holes. It can be “perceived” or intentional abandonment but the abandoned feel it all the same. Why?!Where did you go?! When are you coming back?! Will you come back?!

(My mother, my Grandparents….all those I’ve loved and lost for whatever reason. I had to grieve and heal — fill the holes their “abandonment of me” left behind.

All of us have lost people, places and things through our shared journey. Are we so attached to these that we are willing to destroy ourselves and a planet to retrieve them? This is just what I see for myself. I hope there is something in this morning meditation that resonates with you….is helpful. I would ask you, what positive, loving aspect of existence can you put in the “holes” some sort of abandonment has made in your mind, body and most importantly your soul?

What do I do? All through my blogs here is what I’ve learned to do for myself with unseen guidance and loving nudges from the tangible elements that surround me. The arts, meaningful work, chores, spirituality, helping others and educating myself about people, places and things I don’t understand before making judgements about them. It is in the latter I have come to realize I can judge no one nor is there anyone on this earth who can either. We are all imperfect and it is in that imperfection we are amazing creations capable of greatness beyond our wildest dreams. We are here for each other. No one person can fix this shared mess our world has become. We must learn to build bridges instead of more walls.

17-feb-2011-my-puppy-sammy-and-his-tennis-ball (Sammy crossed the rainbow bridge 27 April 2011)

My Mom Jeanne and my Grandpa Harold (Hal) Becker on her wedding day, 21 Nov 1965.

8 Feb 2018 Dr. Wilhelm Reich books The Cancer biopathy and Function of the Orgasm Alvarado TX

8 Feb 2018 Jackie Wygant Blue Book for Alcoholics Anonymous Alvarado TX meditation about addiction like sugar etc

8 Feb 2018 Two books from Grandma Becker and Aunt Ruth to help me heal inside when I was younger I read from How to Be your own best friend out loud Alvarado TX

9 Feb 2018 Gematria

9 Feb 2018 My notes this morning – this is how it is for me when I “follow” clues I’m given by the tools I have access to use while trying to understand the “why” of things in this world.

*I used to chew gum all the time when I was on active duty in the Air force to help me not feel hungry.  The Air Force weight standards were pretty strict during the time I served.  Chewing gum helped alleviate hunger, but I used to get horrible, painful gas!  I was a Personnel Specialist (secretary) and farting in front of customers just wasn’t an option lol!  Just yesterday I was joking with Kyle and a friend about how nice it would be if the idea from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory about gum that could “fill you up” existed.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory – Violet Blows Up Like a Blueberry Scene (7/10) | Movieclips

A new word I learned today to explain what I’ve been doing with numbers and letters with names and other things lately:



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Gematria /ɡəˈmeɪtriə/ (Hebrew: גמטריא‬ גימטריא‬, plural גמטראות‬ or גמטריאות‬, gematriot)[1] originated as an Assyro-Babylonian-Greek system of alphanumeric code or cipher later adopted into Jewish culture that assigns numerical value to a word, name, or phrase in the belief that words or phrases with identical numerical values bear some relation to each other or bear some relation to the number itself as it may apply to Nature, a person’s age, the calendar year, or the like. A single word can yield multiple values depending on the system used.

Similar systems, some of which were derived from or inspired by Hebrew gematria, have been used in other languages and cultures, i.e. Greek isopsephy, Arabic abjad numerals, and English gematria.

A well-known example of Hebrew gematria is the word chai (“alive”), which is composed of two letters that (using the assignments in the Mispar gadol table shown below) add up to 18. This has made 18 a “lucky number” among the Jewish people. Gifts of money in multiples of 18 are very popular.[2]


Although the term is Hebrew, it may be derived from the Greek γεωμετρία geōmetriā, “geometry“, which was used as a translation of gēmaṭriyā, though some scholars believe it to derive from Greek γραμματεια grammateia “knowledge of writing“. It’s possible that both Greek words had an influence on the formation of the Hebrew word.[3][4][1] Some also hold it to derive from the order of the Greek alphabet, gamma being the third letter of the Greek alphabet.[5]

The word has been extant in English since the 17th century from translations of works by Giovanni Pico della Mirandola. Although ostensibly derived from Greek, it is largely used in Jewish texts, notably in those associated with the Kabbalah. The term does not appear in the Hebrew Bible itself.[1]


Some identify two forms of gematria: the “revealed” form, which is prevalent in many hermeneutic methods found throughout Rabbinic literature, and the “mystical” form, a largely Kabbalistic practice.[6]

Though gematria is most often used to calculate the values of individual words, psukim (Biblical verses), Talmudical aphorisms, sentences from the standard Jewish prayers, personal, angelic and Godly names, and other religiously significant material, Kabbalists use them often for arbitrary phrases and, occasionally, for various languages. A few instances of gematria in Arabic, Spanish and Greek, spelled with the Hebrew letters, are mentioned in the works of Rabbi Abraham Abulafia;[7] some Hasidic Rabbis also used it, though rarely, for Yiddish.[8] However, the primary language for gematria calculations has always been and remains Hebrew and, to a lesser degree, Aramaic.

A classic Biblical commentary incorporating gematria is Baal ha-Turim by Rabbi Jacob ben Asher.

Gematria is often used by the Maharal of Prague and hasidic Torah commentators (such as the “Sefath Emmeth” from Gur).

Textual sources[edit]

A Mishnaic textual source makes clear that the use of gematria is dated to at least the Tannaic period.

Pirkei Avot 3:23 (= m. Avot 3:19 per Danby):

רבי אלעזר בן חסמא אומר, קנין ופתחי נדה הן הן גופי הלכות. תקופות וגמטריאות פרפראות לחכמה.

Rabbi Eleazar Chisma[9] said: the laws of mixed bird offerings and the key to the calculations of menstruation days—these, these are the body of the halakhah. The calculation of the equinoxes and gematriot are the desserts of wisdom.

An alternative translation to the Hebrew word פרפראות is “minor side dishes”.

Minor dishes may be served before, during, or after a meal, to add interest and variety; they are the appetizers, side dishes, desserts, tid-bits — never to be served as main dishes. In other words, these sciences, while important, are yet only auxiliary and secondary. What is primary is the Torah. What is central is the life-giving law.[10]

In Danby’s translation of the Mishnah [11], he writes a footnote concerning ‘gematria’ in m. Avot 3.19, “Astronomy and geometry are meant. Of these Eleazar Chisma is reported to have been a diligent student. ‘Gematria’ later came to mean the device of finding esoteric meanings in words by means of the numerical values of their constituent letters.” However, Danby also notes a case of the latter kind of gematria already in m. Uktzin 3.12.

Gematria is apparently a borrowing of the Greek word ‘geometria’, meaning ‘geometry’.

Values table[edit]

The Mispar gadol (see below) values are:

Decimal Hebrew Glyph
1 Aleph א
2 Bet ב
3 Gimel ג
4 Daleth ד
5 Heh ה
6 Vav ו
7 Zayin ז
8 Het ח
9 Tet ט
Decimal Hebrew Glyph
10 Yud י
20 Kaf כ
30 Lamed ל
40 Mem מ
50 Nun נ
60 Samech ס
70 Ayin ע
80 Peh פ
90 Tzady צ
Decimal Hebrew Glyph
100 Koof ק
200 Reish ר
300 Shin ש
400 Taf ת
500 Kaf(final) ך
600 Mem(final) ם
700 Nun(final) ן
800 Peh(final) ף
900 Tzady(final) ץ


The value of the Hebrew vowels is not usually counted, but some lesser-known methods include the vowels as well. The most common vowel values are as follows (a less common alternative value, based on digit sum, is given in parentheses):

Decimal Vowel Glyph Decimal Vowel Glyph Decimal Vowel Glyph
6 Patach ַ 16 (7) Kamatz ָ 30 (3) Segol ֶ
10 (1) Hiriq ִ 20 (2) Zeire ֵ Kubutz ֻ
Holam ׂ Sh’va ְ 36 (9) Reduced kamatz ֳ
Shuruk וּ 26 (8) Reduced patach ֲ 50 (5) Reduced segol ֱ

Sometimes the names of the vowels are spelled out and their gematria is calculated using standard methods.[12]


There are several methods used to calculate the numerical value for the individual Hebrew/Aramaic words, phrases or whole sentences. More advanced methods are usually used for the most significant Biblical verses, prayers, names of God and angels etc.

Mispar Hechrachi (absolute value) that uses full numerical value of the 22 letters. Sometimes it is also called Mispar ha-Panim (face number), as opposed to the more complicated Mispar ha-Akhor (back number).

Mispar Gadol counts the final forms (sofit) of the Hebrew letters as a continuation of the numerical sequence for the alphabet, with the final letters assigned values from 500 to 900.

The same name, Mispar ha-Gadol, is also used for another method, which spells the name of each letter and adds the standard values of the resulting string.

Mispar Katan calculates the value of each letter, but truncates all of the zeros. It is also sometimes called Mispar Me’ugal.

Mispar Siduri (ordinal value) with each of the twenty-two letters given a value from one to twenty-two.

Mispar Bone’eh (building value, also Revu’a, square[13]) is calculated by walking over each letter from the beginning to the end, adding the value of all previous letters and the value of the current letter to the running total. Therefore, the value of the word achad (one) is 1 + (1 + 8) + (1 + 8 + 4) = 23.

Mispar Kidmi (triangular value) uses each letter as the sum of all the standard gematria letter values preceding it. Therefore, the value of Aleph is 1, the value of Bet is 1 + 2 = 3, the value of Gimmel is 1+2+3=6, etc. It’s also known as Mispar Meshulash (triangular or tripled number).

Mispar P’rati calculates the value of each letter as the square of its standard gematria value. Therefore, the value of Aleph is 1 × 1 = 1, the value of Bet is 2 × 2 = 4, the value of gimmel is 3 × 3 = 9, etc. It’s also known as Mispar ha-Merubah ha-Prati’.

Mispar ha-Merubah ha-Klali is the square of the standard absolute value of each word.

Mispar Meshulash calculates the value of each letter as the cube of their standard value. The same term is more often used for Mispar Kidmi.

Mispar ha-Akhor – The value of each letter is its standard value multiplied by the position of the letter in a word or a phrase in either ascending or descending order. This method is particularly interesting, because the result is sensitive to the order of letters. It is also sometimes called Mispar Meshulash (triangular number).

Mispar Mispari spells out the standard values of each letter by their Hebrew names (“Achad” (one) is 1+8+4=13 etc.), and then adds up the standard values of the resulting string.

Mispar Shemi (also Millui letter “filling”), uses the value of each letter as equal to the value of its name.[14] For example, the value of the letter Aleph is (1 + 30 + 80) = 111, Bet is (2 + 10 + 400) = 412, etc. Sometimes the same operation is applied two or more times recursively.

Mispar Ne’elam (hidden number) spells out the name of each letter without the letter itself (e.g. “Leph” for “Aleph”) and adds up the value of the resulting string.

Mispar Katan Mispari (integral reduced value) is used where the total numerical value of a word is reduced to a single digit. If the sum of the value exceeds 9, the integer values of the total are repeatedly added to produce a single-digit number. The same value will be arrived at regardless of whether it is the absolute values, the ordinal values, or the reduced values that are being counted by methods above.

Mispar Misafi adds the number of the letters in the word or phrase to their gematria.

Kolel is the number of words, which is often added to the gematria. In case of one word, the standard value is incremented by one.

Within the wider topic of Gematria are included the various alphabet transformations where one letter is substituted by another based on a logical scheme:

Atbash exchanges each letter in a word or a phrase by opposite letters. Opposite letters are determined by substituting the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet (Aleph) with the last letter (Tav), the second letter (Bet) with the next to last (Shin), etc. The result can be interpreted as a secret message or calculated by the standard gematria methods. A few instances of Atbash are found already in the Hebrew Bible. For example, see Jeremiah 25:26, and 51:41, with Targum and Rashi, in which the name ששך (“Sheshek”) is thought to represent בבל (Babylon).[1]

Albam – the alphabet is divided in half, eleven letters in each section. The first letter of the first series is exchanged for the first letter of the second series, the second letter of the first series for the second letter of the second series and so forth.

Achbi divides the alphabet into two equal groups of eleven letters. Within each group, the first letter is replaced by the last, the second by the tenth, etc.

Ayak Bakar replaces each letter by another one that has a 10-times-greater value. The final letters usually signify the numbers from 500 to 900. Thousands is reduced to ones (1000 becomes 1, 2000 becomes 2 etc.)

Ofanim replaces each letter by the last letter of its name (e.g. “Fe” for “Aleph”).

Akhas Beta divides the alphabet into three groups of 7, 7 and 8 letters. Each letter is replaced cyclically by the corresponding letter of the next group. The letter Tav remains the same.

Avgad replaces each letter by the next one. Tav becomes Aleph. The opposite operation is also used.

Most of the above-mentioned methods and ciphers are listed by Rabbi Moshe Cordevero.[15]

Some authors provide lists of as many as 231 various replacement ciphers, related to the 231 mystical Gates of the Sefer Yetzirah.[16]

Dozens of other far more advanced methods are used in Kabbalistic literature, without any particular names. In Ms. Oxford 1,822, one article lists 75 different forms of gematria.[17] Some known methods are recursive in nature and are reminiscent of the graph theory or use heavily combinatorics. Rabbi Elazar Rokeach often used multiplication, instead of addition, for the above-mentioned methods. For example, spelling out the letters of a word and then multiplying the squares of each letter value in the resulting string produces very large numbers, in orders of trillions. The spelling process can be applied recursively, until a certain pattern (e.g. all the letters of the word “Talmud“) is found; the gematria of the resulting string is then calculated. The same author also used sums of all possible unique letter combinations, which add up to the value of a given letter. For example, the letter Hei, which has the standard value of 5, can be produced by combining 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1, 2 + 1 + 1 + 1, 3 + 1 + 1, 4 + 1, 2 + 2 + 1 or 2 + 3, which adds up to 30. Sometimes combinations of repeating letters are not allowed (e.g. 2 + 3 is valid, but 3 + 1 + 1 is not). The original letter itself can also be viewed as a valid combination.[16]

Variant spellings of some letters can be used to produce sets of different numbers, which can be added up or analyzed separately. Many various complex formal systems and recursive algorithms, based on graph-like structural analysis of the letter names and their relations to each other, modular arithmetic, pattern search and other highly advanced techniques, are found in the “Sefer ha-Malchuth” by Rabbi David ha-Levi of Draa Valley, a Spanish-Moroccan Kabbalist of the 15–16th century.[12] Rabbi David ha-Levi’s methods take into consideration the numerical values and other properties of the vowels as well.

Kabbalistic astrology uses some specific methods to determine the astrological influences on a particular person. According to one method, the gematria of the person’s name is added to the gematria of his or her mother’s name; the result is then divided by 7 and 12. The remainders signify a particular planet and Zodiac sign.[18]


A formula for finding a letter’s corresponding number in Mispar Gadol is: f ( x ) = ( 10 f l o o r ( ( x − 1 ) ÷ 9 ) ) × ( ( ( x − 1 ) m o d 9 ) + 1 ) {\displaystyle f(x)=\left(10^{\mathrm {floor} \left(\left(x-1\right)\div 9\right)}\right)\times \left(\left(\left(x-1\right)\ \mathrm {mod} \ 9\right)+1\right)} where x is the position of the letter in the language letters index (Regular order of letters), and the floor and modulo functions are used.

Absolute value[edit]

The most common form of Hebrew gematria is used in the Talmud and Midrash, and elaborately by many post-Talmudic commentators. It involves reading words and sentences as numbers, assigning numerical instead of phonetic value to each letter of the Hebrew alphabet. When read as numbers, they can be compared and contrasted with other words or phrases – cf. the Hebrew proverb נכנס יין יצא סוד (nichnas yayin yatza sod, lit. “wine entered, secret went out”, i.e. “in vino veritas“). The gematric value of יין (“wine”) is 70 (י=10; י=10; ן=50) and this is also the gematric value of סוד (“secret”, ס=60; ו=6; ד=4).[19]

Use in other languages[edit]

The first attested use of gematria occurs in an inscription of Assyrian ruler Sargon II (727–705 BC) stating that the king built the wall of Khorsabad 16,283 cubits long to correspond with the numerical value of his name.[20] Gematria or isopsephy was borrowed into the Greek probably soon after their adoption of the Semitic writing system. The extant examples of use in Greek come primarily from the Christian literature and, unlike rabbinic sources, is always explicitly stated as being used.[21] It has been asserted[where?] that Plato (c. 427-347 BC) offers a discussion of gematria “in its simplest forms” in the Cratylus, where he is said to have claimed that “the ‘essential force’ of a thing’s name is to be found in its numerical value, and that words and phrases of the same numerical value may be substituted in context without loss in meaning.” A direct review of the Cratylus, however, shows that Plato made no such claim and that gematria is not discussed in it either explicitly or implicitly.[citation needed] What can be more accurately stated is that Plato’s discussion in the Cratylus involves a view of words and names as referring (more or less accurately) to the “essential nature” of a person or object, and that this view may have influenced – and is central to – Greek gematria.[22][23]

The Latin-script languages exhibit borrowing of gematria methods dating from the early Middle Ages after the use lapsed following the collapse of the Roman Empire in the 5th century. Many researchers connect the “Number of the Beast“, referred to in the Book of Revelation of the New Testament, with Hebrew gematria as used by the early Christians. According to such interpretations, the number in question, six hundred sixty-six (666), was originally derived via the Greek name of the Roman emperor at the time – Neron Kaiser – transliterated into Hebrew gematria. The Latin name Nero Caesar transliterated into Hebrew gematria equals six hundred sixteen (616). (נרונ קסר Neron Qesar).[24] In Arabic, gematria is known as Abjad numerals.

8 Feb 2018 Refilling Energy Voids

This morning I woke up thinking about friends of mine who have had weight loss surgery. I’ve had three friends undergo this sort of procedure and the recovery process has been unique for all three of them. Now the reason I got to thinking about this was because it’s on the a train of thought I’ve been on about energy vampirism and energy consumption.

I have been frustrated with one of my friends in particular because it feels like since she had the surgery, she’s been grasping about for something to refill the energy void left behind by not being a to eat food like she used to. Well, a flag went up in myself the past couple of days. Why am I so frustrated with her? I’m looking in the mirror at a past reflection that’s why! I learned this from Shakti Gawain’s books many years ago. Usually if we don’t like someone for whatever reason, it means there is something about ourselves that we recognize in them that we don’t like. It may be we’ve moved past whatever the person is reflecting to us or we are still working through it and the person is an “ugly” reminder of what we have yet been unable to change about yourself.

What I have found myself saying in regards to the friend I’m thinking of is a quote from a movie put into a song by Velvet Acid Christ: “Did you hear it?” “It shows you things, horrible things.” “The dark inside me, from the other place… I won’t go back there, I won’t.”

The Dark Inside Me

BUT…..if others had not “fed” me when I was growing up, I see everyday in the news and through history just the sort of human being, “monster”, I could have become. As I reflect on my younger years, there were times when I was a real pain in the ass to be around. I was negative, judgmental, draining, ignorant, willful and extremely unhappy. I didn’t know how to “feed myself” (soothe myself.) Religion alone did not help me, it was specific people that were part of of my life that helped me. When I was younger I used to be fascinated with monsters real and imagined and I think part of that was my quest to try and understand what the hell was going on with me! Why was I so different?!

I realized my fascination with Dracula had an origin story in the Catholic Church ritual, Communion, “The Last Supper.” “Flesh of my Flesh, Blood of my Blood.” I can remember as a little girl truly thinking about what those words meant and I made myself break out into a sweat and nearly black out right as I knelt in a church service! If you were to take those words literally it was like cannibalism or vampirism…..consuming God! Dracula at the pulpit!  What does one do to fill the “void” the absence of a healthy relationship (to include sexual partner) provides when you are a priest?

I drew this man 11 Oct 2012 – as I drew him he morphed and at one point looked a lot like JRM which was funny as I had just found out JRM was going to portray Dracula

What I have learned from my own experience with this is when you lose something like innocence or someone significant to you like my mother committing suicide when I was barely a year old, a great energy void was created….had to be filled. I spent many years trying to put people, places, pets, “shiny things” things (which became addictions in some cases) ..anything that gave me even a fleeting glimpse of happiness into the void my mother’s death left in me. I learned the hard way that there is nothing on this earth that can fill such a void but God.

The God I understood and was taught about growing up came from churches and books. I grasped about into the New Age scene, Holistic type remedies, art, photography, work, sex, marriage, pet ownership, helping others through community service and still I didn’t truly know who God was for me. Then came that day a couple of years ago since we moved here to Texas , when my Dad and I were sitting on my back porch, and we agreed on something for the first time in a long time…..”God is in everything.”

It was kind of an “A-ha” spiritual moment for me. I have always felt like a huge part of my Dad was unknown to me because of what happened with my Mom. Here was something we both agreed on and a seed was planted in me.

30 Aug 2012 Jackie Drawing – when Dad first met Spot

When our cocker spaniel Sammy died in 2011 was another big whammy for both Kyle and I. For me, losing Sam was like losing a child and it was one of the most painful experiences I’ve had. I can remember going out to the field down the street, my “blooming field” before it became houses, and screaming in 100 degree heat at God, “BRING HIM BACK!” Just wandering everywhere looking for him, imagining he was walking with me. There was only ever going to be just one Sam and I had to find a way to live without him. I had to save myself.

Back in April 2014 I was walking in the field down the street from our house before it became houses and found half of an Choctaw Indian Christmas ornament and later found the other half at the entrance to our neighborhood! I thought it was a sign my friend Erin who is part Choctaw was having a son but we got three puppies….Link…instead. In a way it was like God answering my pleas to bring my Sammy back!

Everything is energy, everything is a sort of “food.” This is emotions, things, people, animals and nature. All of these elements consciously or subconsciously feed us energy in some way. Human beings can become “black holes” if left unchecked. A human black hole will devour anything and anyone in it’s path….negative energy vampire so to speak. Negative energy is better than not being fed and there are people, very visible people on our world stage, that model this sort of behavior for us and it may not even be a conscious effort on their part….it’s just who they are now.

We have built a society that teaches us to seek people, places and things to fill the void only God energy can fill. Well if everything is God then what to “eat?” Our diet is not just about what tangible foods we put into ourselves. Our diet is not about what celebrity’s image and spirit we can devour until we grow bored and move on. Our diet is not about the latest video game we devour until the next patch of “crack” comes out. Our diet is not supposed to be the latest electronic gadget or phone but it has become that and we are unfufilled…restless…addicted….bored and grasping about for sustainable food that just isn’t there! Do you get the idea? What are you “eating” you stay “full?”

Something else came to me from the Horror genre….the phrase that is always the worst thing to say in a horror movie, “I’ll be right back.” They never come back. After all these thousands of years of waiting for Jesus to come back he hasn’t…..or has “he?” Is God deaf to our cries? No. It’s like with our Sam. I begged God to send me Sammy back and then came Link! Three years we waited…Link was one of three boys. It was like God saying I will even let you choose! God heard me and I believe sent us Link to heal my heart but not to save me…to help me heal myself. Kyle and I had to learn to “feed ourselves” and not rely on Sammy. There is a reason dog spelled backwards is God!

Look in the mirror people. Who is there and do you love that person without condition? What are you “feeding” that person? There is nothing of this world that can fill the energy voids pain, suffering, loss and change create but God. Who is the God of your understanding? Does this God love you and all the world without condition?  Learn to “feed yourself! without “feeding” off of others or using artificial God’s. 

I know this is a lot but it’s what I was lead to write this morning. I’m not trying to change you or tell you what you should do or what you should believe and definitely not judging you. I’m just trying to help you help yourselves by sharing my experience, strength and Hope.

I hope something here resonates with you and if it does, pass it on in your way. We are all two-way or transistor radio’s in a way – sending and receiving signals.

Audioslave – Show Me How to Live

Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live …
And with the early dawn
Moving right along
I couldn’t buy and eyeful of sleep
And in the aching night under satellites
I was not received
Built with stolen parts
A telephone in my heart
Someone get me a priest
To put my mind to bed
This ringing in my head
Is this a cure or is this a disease
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live
And in the after birth
On the quiet earth
Let the stains remind you
You thought you made a man
You better think again
Before my role defines you
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live
And in your waiting hands
I will land
And roll out of my skin
And in your final hours I will stand
Ready to begin
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live
Show me how to live
Songwriters: Brad Wilk / Chris Cornell / Timothy Commerford / Tom Morello
Show Me How to Live lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

6 Feb 2018 Messy – final phase of painting #3

Hello to you.  How are you where and when you are?  It’s cold and gray here today….an inside day.  I decided to finish the painting I’ve been working on.  To some, it may look unappealing, “Messy” and “Unpolished”, like the title I gave it….my name…Jackie.  “Beauty” is definitely in the eye of the beholder!  I will be seeing my friend soon who gave me the financial support to be able to afford paints and canvas to do these.  She will be given an opportunity to choose a painting – my gratitude to her for helping me with this endeavor.  I am not sure if after the paints are gone if I will buy more.  There is a guilt I feel about this – not an eco-friendly hobby painting.  If I were to continue, Kyle and I talked about this, I would need a village lol.  Someone(s) to make canvas from scratch and Someone(s) to make paint like they used to.  There is so much that is involved for the things we use each day without even thinking about the origin of them…”where things come from” and “how they are made.”  What is the ultimate “cost” of our works, hobbies and crafts to the environment?   Are our shared activities “sustainable?”   I guess I needed a reminder.  It’s all very complicated and “Messy.” 

6 Feb 2018 – final phase of the painting and it’s messy and unpolished just like me…the title of this painting is “Jackie.”

1 Feb 2018 Life and Art

Hello there.  It’s 7:50 am on this Thursday morning as I write to you.  I hope you are well.  I had a frustrating time last night trying to get good pictures of the rare moon lol.  This drawing about sums it up:

31 Jan 2018 – drawing I did yesterday afternoon. Well later in the evening, when I was fighting with my Nikon to get pictures of the lovely moon, the figure in this drawing makes me think of how frustrated I was lol. People kept driving by each time I was trying to concentrate and it wasn’t their fault, just frustrating living behind a busy road!

Anyhew, we then tried to watch Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales and that didn’t help my mood either.  Kyle will probably be finishing it by himself.  He’s more of a fan of the Pirates theme then I am.  I showed Kyle the drawing I had done earlier.  Many of the themes in it were like what we were watching in the movie that ironically had the Blood Moon as part of the story, “the compass in the eye”:

31 Jan 2018 – My drawing yesterday, Convergence, which seems to have a lot of elements from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie Dead Men Tell No Tales Kyle, at random, decided we were going to watch last night. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirates_of_the_Caribbean:_Dead_Men_Tell_No_Tales

The dream I had before waking was interesting.  There was something about a pretty girl in a library who could sing.  I wanted to get to know her and get closer, but another guy was in the way blocking me.  He even put his feet in my face saying in an irritated voice, “Do you mind?!”   Then there was the part with other kids in the library and my telling them everything is energy, everything is alive, “Just look at the core of the earth!  All living things have souls!”

This dream calls to mind the stories from the show Glee.  There were many relationship rivalries to include what was going on with Corey Monteith and Mark Salling and their characters in the show.  How difficult it must be for actors and actresses to just turn on and turn off  their emotions.   What if something real evolves but it is not reciprocated or too many would be harmed to go any further?  This problem resonates with me and my own experience playing FFXI.  I was married when I met Kyle online and initially we were just role playing and then it evolved.  A lot of damage was done to make our relationship happen.  We both have paid for our choice but do I regret it?  No.  That’s my honest answer.  The only thing I regret, is hurting my ex-husband.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and have had to pay for them in one way or another – my conscience, my heart and the God of my understanding won’t allow for anything else.  When you do something wrong, you have to own it and do the best you can to make amends to those you have harmed in doing that wrong.  You don’t pile new wrongs on top and bury things.  Burying your poor choices just makes it worse.

31 Jan 2018 – Only picture that turned out from last night and ironically the background is bluer than the actual moon lol.

22 Jan 2018 Real Life Examples of Disruption and Emergence

Hello to you.  I’m back after being unplugged by forces beyond my control.  On Saturday, around 2:10 pm we heard an explosion in our backyard and then another one.  While this was happening Kyle and I both lost our internet connection.

Do you remember me sharing in this post: https://saymber.com/2018/01/20/20-jan-2018-kan-pai-dream/ about the dream I had about choices which included the hazards of distracted driving?  Well apparently God wanted to give me a specific example to emphasize the point!  The person who had the wreck in our backyard was a 16 year old girl.  Thankfully she wasn’t seriously injured and nor was anyone else – just someones that can be repaired…a car and the Internet box  that got completely crunched!

So this was a major disruption to our lives – especially Kyle’s.  He does a lot of online gaming and was actually in the middle of it when the accident happened.  He was already kind of fussy because he was having to go in for jury duty today.  He was nervous about it – it’s not in his comfort zone.  So when he couldn’t be distracted by his online friends and gaming like he wanted to, he was a bit disgruntled at first.

Sometimes disruptions of the status quo of our lives, whatever their form, can be good.  We can learn things about ourselves and others.  In this case there were many good things that happened.  Prepare yourself, this will shock you lol, we actually started using our kitchen table for meals again!  ZOMG right?!  Ever since the recliner couch came into this house that has trays attached, we’ve been eating in front of the t.v. for all our meals.  Kyle wasn’t as distracted by gaming so he helped me out more with caring for the dogs – giving them baths and trimming nails.  We took them on more frequent walks together which is good for all of us.  He’s been better about sticking to the daily exercise habit we are trying to establish together.  There has been more cleaning in the house.  Today, after I get off of here there will be paint going on canvas!  I told Duwon, the nice man from AT&T who came out to repair our line today, that it’s pretty amazing all the stuff you get done when your not distracted by the Internet.  On the same note, I told him I feel it is a utility.  We may not run our livelihoods off of it, but many small business owners or people who work from home do.  They just have to have it working!  I think it’s kind of crappy they keep trying to say the Internet is not a utility.

Anyhew…..almost warm enough to take stuff out for painting.  I want do it outside and enjoy the beautiful day.  I am dreaming of someday having a solarium/sun room where I can have all my craft stuff and be inside and outside at the same time without having to drag all my stuff back and forth lol.  May be some day.

What’s funny is this morning/last night I had a very detailed dream, like I was living it about car shopping after an accident!  Whoever I was, or with had taken a turn too sharply and rolled/flipped their car.  It was a large old style red car (kind of looks like the one at this link  only a bit larger if your curious https://classic-car-auctions.info/european/2016-artcurial-le-mans-classic-sale-1961-ferrari-250-gt-swb-berlinetta/)  I just remember the top being dented and deciding I wanted a new car.  We looked at a used car lot.  I remember there being a really cute little purplish car.  There was a pick-up truck that had a cab that looked like it was being held together by duct tape.  It was a very vivid experience.  I even remember looking to see how late they were going to be open because there were a lot of people being serviced while we were there.  The times and services were different.  Sales were til like 8:30 pm.  We ended up in new cars but they didn’t have any models on the floor except one that you pushed a button and it put itself together from like the size of a box.  There was someone in the dream who didn’t want to file a claim with their insurance company.  I remember someone driving after that and I was trying to sleep in the backseat.  I flipped a flap on the window for privacy.  It was night time.

Note:  I am having to delete pictures to make room for new ones so if you see something is missing from older blogs, you know why.  The only remedy is to pay for a Premium subscription.  Kyle and I live on a fixed income, which includes my Air force Pension that may not be coming if the Government shut-down continues.  Kyle is not currently employed so are trying not to spend money on anything that would put us over the narrow margins we live by.   I don’t make any money doing this blog nor do I expect to. We will work with what we have. 

21 Jan 2018 – Kyle and I really like this one. Like a sundial? I am having to delete pictures to make room for new ones so if you see something is missing from older blogs, you know why.


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This blog is to encourage others that is being victimize, been a victm, or were a victim that they no longer have to live in hidden. I want to share words of encouragement to them and let them know they can come out of their situtaion alive no matter what there abuser is telling or has told them over the years. Some individuals have left their abuser but they are still living in afraid or living in in jail mental; the victim have to get his or her life back. Living behind the wall in public isn't well for them. They have to make a stand for themselves and regain what they lost in that relationship. It will not happen within a week or probably a month. First of all its a learning process, admit to what they lost, and let go of the shame, pride, and bitter. Its up to the victim to want to be a Survior not the abuser.


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