21 Apr 2026 Amen

Hello to you today. I wanted to share this special song and video by one of my all time favorite musical groups – Enigma:

https://youtu.be/ZYlNjQ5TTF4?si=9gzMTzxZc1r4TaeJ – Enigma – Amen

Amen

Song by Enigma ‧ 2016

OverviewLyrics

I’m out on a new road in search for a land with no name
And I never looked back, ’cause I’m walking through sunshine and rain
I’m a man who has lived in the tombs and who’s broken the chain

Amen
Amen

I was blind, but now I see
What if God is not for me
And I know, it’s time to go

I’ve been used and I’ve been played
I’ve been spied on and betrayed
And I know, it’s time to go

I defeat the pain
(Watch out) I’m alive again
The past is gone for good, it’s time to say

Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen

At last, I believe I will be found
In the silence of my nights
I can hear a distant voice
Someone out there is calling my name

I’m not afraid
(Watch out) I’m beyond the dread
It’s time to turn the page and love again

Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen

I defeat the pain
(Watch out) and I cry again
I’m leaving all my shadows behind

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Michael Kunze / Michael Cretu

Amen lyrics © Edition 1-2-3 Music, 1-2-3 Music Edition

Enigma is a group that is timeless – never gets old!

This is another song and video by them that is one of my favorites and gets me teary:

https://youtu.be/Rk_sAHh9s08?si=nEN_mhz9mkdMYfDp – Enigma- Return To Innocence

Return to Innocence

Song by Enigma ‧ 1993

OverviewLyrics

Love
Devotion
Feeling
Emotion

Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence

The return to innocence

And if you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide
Just believe in destiny

Don’t care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don’t give up and use the chance
To return to innocence

That’s not the beginning of the end
That’s the return to yourself
The return to innocence

That’s return to innocence

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: M.C. Curly

Return to Innocence lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Prayer I found that resonated with me:

Lord, I commit this day to You. Please give me strength for the challenges, wisdom for decisions, and peace in my heart. Guide my steps, help me to love well, and use me to bring light to those around me. I trust You with every moment, Amen.

20 April 2026 Everyday

The next phase of the dandelions

Hello to you. How are you doing? I’m doing ok – just back from my second walk today. It’s really warm! It’s 74 degrees right now. Today began early as Link had his grooming appointment with Clean Pups Diana. She does such a good job with him!

He looks so much better!

My heart goes out to the families that lost their little ones in Louisiana – so senseless! I hope the women involved will be surrounded with love and healing. They will need so much understanding and kindness if they survive their injuries:

https://www.npr.org/2026/04/19/nx-s1-5790483/mass-shooting-eight-children-louisiana-shrevepor :

A gunman killed eight children and wounded two women in a Northwest Louisiana incident that stemmed from a domestic disturbance, the Shreveport Police Department said Sunday.

The adult male suspect is dead, authorities said. Police named the suspect as 31-year-old Shamar Elkins, of Shreveport. Elkins was believed to be the father of seven of the children killed, Shreveport Police Cpl. Christopher Bordelon said.

https://youtu.be/N_lrrq_opng?si=kUDiXWpCESMfNxYO – Mercyme – I Can Only Imagine

Can Only Imagine

Song by MercyMe

OverviewLyrics

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk by Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes would see
When Your face is before me
I can only imagine
Yeah

Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for You Jesus
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your presence
Or to my knees, will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees, will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine, yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine, yeah-yeah
I can only imagine
I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship You
I can only imagine

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Bart Millard

https://youtu.be/HuV2ID4PVgA?si=9CnoJb3AKUF92Yr1 – Why – Enigma

Why!…

Song by Enigma ‧ 1996

OverviewLyrics

I was childish and unfair
To you, my only friend
I regret, but now it’s too late
I can’t show you any more

The things I’ve learned from you
‘Cause life just took you away
I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)
I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)

Nobody gives an answer
I’m just asking why?
But someday we’ll meet again
And I’ll ask you

I’ll ask you why?
Why it has to be like this
I’m asking you why?
Please, give me an answer

Many years and stupid fights
Till we accept to see
How it was and it’ll always be
Why it has to be like this?
Why we don’t realize?

Why we’re too blind to see the one
Who’s always on our side?
I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)
I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)

Nobody gives an answer
I’m just asking why?
Just tell me why?
Why it has to be like this

That the good ones disappear
I’m asking you why?
I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)
I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)

Nobody gives an answer
I’m just asking why?
I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)
I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)

I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)
I’m asking why? (I’m asking why?)

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Michael Cretu

Why!… lyrics © Enigma Songs Edition

Prayer I found online specifically for victims of gun violence:

A Prayer for Healing and Comfort
“God of mercy, our hearts ache for those injured in acts of violence. We pray for healing for those who are injured and hospitalized. We pray for comfort for families and friends of each victim. Give solace to grieving communities, and bring peace to anxious hearts. Bring them healing and peace in the face of this tragedy. Amen

16 Apr 20 Procrastination and David (Dream)

Hello to you. I’m just got home from our Thursday prayer group and breakfast at the Sunrise. We are keeping pastor Jason’s daughter Harper in prayer as her doctors keep trying to figure out what’s going on with her. I should have gone to get groceries but I am procrastinating! I am planning on going tomorrow morning. It will give me something to do.

Do you procrastinate? What do you dread doing so much that you put it off?

Part of the dread comes from how expensive grocery shopping has gotten. For just me and Link prices have doubled.

Had an interesting, very brief dream last night that woke me up. It was of seeing a David Bowie that looked like he did in the music video for I’m Afraid Of Americans:

https://youtu.be/LT3cERVRoQo?si=ksfehBgmbFztLndg – I’m Afraid of Americans – David Bowie

As he walked away from me there were black storm clouds brewing in the distance. It’s been awhile since I’ve dreamt of David. Another dream I had with him in it was of joining him on stage for a concert. I had that one shortly after he died. David was a major player in my teenage years. I gravitated towards him because like me, he was androgynous. When I was in high school I got mistaken for being a guy a lot! Nowadays I’m a “ma’m” A couple of days ago a neighbor walking their dog greeted me that way. My age is finally catching up to me!

The chameleon

St. Padre Pio’s Healing Prayer
“Heavenly Father, I thank you for loving me. I thank you for sending your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to the world to save and to set me free. I trust in your power and grace that sustain and restore me. Loving Father, touch me now with your healing hands, for I believe that your will is for me to be well in mind, body, soul, and spirit”. 

28 Mar 2026 Reaching Out

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. Today was good. I woke up with my usual problem – anxiety and I didn’t want to be alone. I reached out to my Aunt and she had Link and I come over. She helped me make a delicious cup of coffee and made me a toasted blueberry bagel. She gave me a much needed hug. She just knows what I need! Almost every day I have anxiety in the morning and instead of fighting my way through it today I reached out. I am so blessed to have an understanding Aunt and Uncle! At times I really don’t like living alone. Thank God for Link! Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life? Sometimes I think so! The dating scene for my age group is pretty dismal. I always said that if I couldn’t make my second marriage work that I was destined to be alone. There is a large void in my life not being married. I will just have to let God have the final word on this.

My blessings

Favorite song before bed: https://youtu.be/h9hILKB9qZQ?si=8gwxivXqomrWUX7j – Vangelis – Come to Me

John 16:33New International Version

33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

26 Mar 2026 Parasites Within

Hello there. It’s bed time as I write to you. How are you? This morning was my weekly prayer meeting. LOTS to pray about! I am hoping I will get a good sleep tonight. I am on my second day of taking Oil of Oregano with Black Seed Oil by Resilia. I am hoping it will help me with my bloating and sugar cravings. The reviews have been good so we shall see! I feel with certainty that I have parasites in my gut. After every meal my belly bloats up like I’m pregnant. I know part of the sugar cravings isn’t just parasites begging to be fed but is also the medication I’m on. Depakote and Olanzapine are known for causing weight gain. I am hoping the oregano oil will help me in spite of the medications.

I have been asking Jesus to heal me and I feel like he has been leading me down a path of possibilities to do just that. It’s been a struggle at times as I have gotten so out of shape. Becoming more active each day with Tai Chi and a longer walk each day and changes to what I’m putting in my body are all holistic approaches to healing. I just have to surrender and believe we are on the right path together.

A good prayer for these days we are in:

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi (Prayer for Peace)

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

12 Mar 2026 Focus

Hello and good evening. I am writing to you to help quiet my brain before bed. I have been having good dreams since the one I told you about with sleep paralysis. This past day I dreamt about being with my ex and his brother. I really miss both of them and the in depth talks we used to have. We were good friends! The dream felt like a nice visit with them.

My thoughts tonight turn to the word focus. The context being of what I focus on gaining power in my life. I am currently focusing on losing weight and being more active. It’s going from just thinking to doing. This is a battle because of the fullness in my ears, balance and my lower back. I am hoping the Tai Chi, currently at a beginners level and walking, will gradually help me out with what is holding me back.

The other thing that holds me back in my life is my love for my dog Link. I hate leaving him alone for too long. He is going to be 12 this coming December! He’s a senior dog now and I don’t know how much longer we will have together. After him I don’t know if I will be able to have another pet. There are a lot of things I don’t do because of my responsibility as a pet owner. My little old man gets a lot of my focus.

What we focus on gains power – takes center stage of our lives. The past couple years I have been trying to put Jesus at the center but I will be honest it’s not been easy. I was a pagan for a long time. Prior to being a pagan I was a Roman Catholic for many years up until I left home. After the Catholic Church refused to acknowledge my first marriage I tried many other churches and just couldn’t find one I felt comfortable or accepted in. In the church I am currently attending, Grace Bible Church, I have found acceptance and fellowship but sometimes I feel like the chameleon tattooed on my shoulder. My ability to feel anything deeply has gone the way of my creativity. I want to feel Jesus’s love for me and sometimes I just don’t! I want to weep with the depths of his love and I just can’t. What used to come to me so easily has been reduced to this blog. I am so grateful to you who come to visit me here from all over the world which encourages me not to give up writing altogether!

Dear Jesus I come before you asking for you to heal me in my brokenness- physically, mentally and spiritually. Please show me you are present and that you love me. I ask that you make your presence known to all in this world that thirst for the living water only you can provide. Help me and others like me authentically be vessels of your spirit. Free me and others like me from the bondage of self. Amen.

10 Mar 2026 Sleep Paralysis and Shadow People

Hello to you. I’m about to try and fall asleep. I just finished watching Inferno starring Tom Hanks for free with ads on YouTube. It was pretty good.

https://youtu.be/7QpgXP1ElXA?si=4Xd66KY3q6Lgg9GC – Inferno starring Tom Hanks – free with ads

I am hoping to fall asleep and stay asleep til a reasonable time in the morning. Last night I was awakened by a sleep paralysis dream. I’ve been having them pretty often. This time I saw a shadow person and let it know I saw it. Then it came at me and was choking me. I could only cry out for my daddy and then it stopped. I chastised it for terrorizing me and my dog. I feel like it took place in my childhood home. The place seemed like a blend of worlds.

When I have these dreams I usually am in a place I know but it’s slightly different – like an alternate dimension. They are lucid dreams as I usually realize I’m dreaming and try to interact with what’s going on. I can only speak and the rest of my body can’t move. When I have these dreams Link gets upset!

Psalm 91:5-6

You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday

2 Timothy 1:7New International Version

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid,but gives us power, love and self-discipline

5 Mar 2026 World

Hello and good evening to you. I tried going to sleep a couple hours ago but my mind just won’t be quiet! I should be used to this by now. So here I am writing to you. Today I went to Thursday prayer at Grace House which is always good. We had a lot to pray about! Pastor Jason’s daughter Harper is really having a hard time. So many people in our church are having health issues. Afterwards I went to the Sunrise. I wasn’t going to go but changed my mind. Going there is like home away from home for me now. I look forward to seeing and hearing Emma and her staff.

As I lay here in the quiet and dark my mind is thinking of the world. What is happening?!! It feels like everything is unraveling. I keep thinking of the children and the world they are inheriting. So many children are dying or are suffering in some way. My nightly prayers are for divine intervention. Our world leaders need to back up their nice words with action!

Dear Jesus I pray for this fragile blue dot we call home. Please be with all the children and most vulnerable – cover them with your love. Please give leaders at all levels of government and influence wisdom in their governance. May the Holy Spirit guide them in all their ways. Please be with those who care for the unhoused, poor and sick. Please protect all those who are in service and who serve others. Amen.

https://youtu.be/Zrxdgat3y9c?si=NtVKuWk8k4D12v3r – Lotus by Secret Garden

https://youtu.be/L6zulqXLPUw?si=chgcQrbs1IH8KLI8 – Hello from the children of planet earth

27 Feb 2026 Holy Spirit – Surrender

Hello to you. I went to bed with the intention of going to sleep but alas as soon as I turned off the light, my eyes popped open like one of those spooky antique dolls! This is normal for me. So where are my thoughts and why are they so loud?! They are on the Holy Spirit and surrender. The last time I surrendered to the Holy Spirit a bunch of really big things happened. I got sober and quit smoking which are really difficult things to deal with on your own.

I’m currently on a healing journey with the Holy Spirit and I can feel slight changes. I keep asking God to heal me of what afflicts me and I can tell that I am being lead on a path. The latest thing is Tai Chi. It’s everywhere I look online! I followed a beginners YouTube video today and could really feel it:https://youtu.be/cEvSqHZIj8w?si=_h8_XwBwlUTiJuhj – Tai Chi for beginners 7 min workout. My back didn’t hurt and I was able to get a mile walk in today. I want to get better and get back into shape. I’m tired of being overweight and without purpose.

Dear Jesus I thank you for this beautiful day. I am grateful for being allowed the privilege to get another chance to walk with you where I feel you are leading me. I pray for all my family and friends on this side of the veil. I pray for this entire planet and all the lives dependent on her well being. Thank you Lord. Amen.

22 Feb 2026 Didn’t Work

Hello to you. It’s Sunday again! I went to church this morning and was so happy to see and get to hug my friends to include dear Jeannie. With everything that’s been going on with Roy she’s been through it! He is in rehab and physically he’s on track but mentally he’s not. Jeannie was able to take his dog to visit and I’m sure that lifted his spirits.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts I am on my own healing journey. I am kind of disappointed as today is the last day of my ear drop treatment and I’m still having fullness in my ears. I had so hoped my doctor had figured out was wrong with me! I keep praying that Jesus will heal me and believe he will. I’m trying to act as if he already has. I see my primary care doctor next month and we shall see how I’m doing.

I found out my cousin Heidi is coming home Tuesday from rehab and she will be needing help adjusting. I keep her in my prayers everyday!

Today Pastor Jason went through the second part of the blind man Jesus healed in John 9. He emphasized a relationship with Jesus isn’t a vending machine, transactional or something just for Sundays. It’s an everyday relationship. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough but with my physical state I am limited. I do what I can. I have to remind myself that I am enough! Here is all of John 9:

Jesus Heals a Man Born Blind

John 9New International Version

9 As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.His disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

After saying this, he spit on the ground, made some mud with the saliva, and put it on the man’s eyes.“Go,” he told him, “wash in the Pool of Siloam” (this word means “Sent”). So the man went and washed, and came home seeing.

His neighbors and those who had formerly seen him begging asked, “Isn’t this the same man who used to sit and beg?” Some claimed that he was.

Others said, “No, he only looks like him.”

But he himself insisted, “I am the man.”

10 “How then were your eyes opened?” they asked.

11 He replied, “The man they call Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes. He told me to go to Siloam and wash. So I went and washed, and then I could see.”

12 “Where is this man?” they asked him.

“I don’t know,” he said.

The Pharisees Investigate the Healing

13 They brought to the Pharisees the man who had been blind. 14 Now the day on which Jesus had made the mud and opened the man’s eyes was a Sabbath.15 Therefore the Pharisees also asked him how he had received his sight. “He put mud on my eyes,” the man replied, “and I washed, and now I see.”

16 Some of the Pharisees said, “This man is not from God, for he does not keep the Sabbath.”

But others asked, “How can a sinner perform such signs?” So they were divided.

17 Then they turned again to the blind man, “What have you to say about him? It was your eyes he opened.”

The man replied, “He is a prophet.”

18 They still did not believe that he had been blind and had received his sight until they sent for the man’s parents. 19 “Is this your son?” they asked. “Is this the one you say was born blind? How is it that now he can see?”

20 “We know he is our son,” the parents answered, “and we know he was born blind. 21 But how he can see now, or who opened his eyes, we don’t know. Ask him. He is of age; he will speak for himself.” 22 His parents said this because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders, who already had decided that anyone who acknowledged that Jesus was the Messiah would be put out of the synagogue. 23 That was why his parents said, “He is of age; ask him.”

24 A second time they summoned the man who had been blind. “Give glory to God by telling the truth,”they said. “We know this man is a sinner.”

25 He replied, “Whether he is a sinner or not, I don’t know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!”

26 Then they asked him, “What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?”

27 He answered, “I have told you already and you did not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to become his disciples too?”

28 Then they hurled insults at him and said, “You are this fellow’s disciple! We are disciples of Moses!29 We know that God spoke to Moses, but as for this fellow, we don’t even know where he comes from.”

30 The man answered, “Now that is remarkable! You don’t know where he comes from, yet he opened my eyes. 31 We know that God does not listen to sinners. He listens to the godly person who does his will.32 Nobody has ever heard of opening the eyes of a man born blind. 33 If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.”

34 To this they replied, “You were steeped in sin at birth; how dare you lecture us!” And they threw him out.

Spiritual Blindness

35 Jesus heard that they had thrown him out, and when he found him, he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”

36 “Who is he, sir?” the man asked. “Tell me so that I may believe in him.”

37 Jesus said, “You have now seen him; in fact, he is the one speaking with you.”

38 Then the man said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him.

39 Jesus said,[a] “For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind.”

40 Some Pharisees who were with him heard him say this and asked, “What? Are we blind too?”

41 Jesus said, “If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.