Tag: grief

31 May 2026 The Hand Off and Birthday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Uncategorized, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. It’s Sunday again! The week flew by didn’t it?! I forced myself to go to church despite having some slight vertigo. I’m so glad I did as I got to see my church fam – especially Jeannie, Terry, Cecil, Mark and Brenda. I love getting and giving hugs! Today was Communion Sunday which is always meaningful. Pastor Jason’s message today resonated with me. Feeling the way I did today, the weeble wobbles, makes it hard for me to commit more of myself to our churches needs. Some days it’s all I can do to get to church like today. We are growing and there are so many spaces that need to be filled! I am glad to be part of a prayer group that meets on Thursdays and when I’m able I go to a Monday coffee with women of Grace.

We were in John 14:12-14:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2014%3A12-14&version=NIV

https://youtu.be/rrrNdBqY_UU?si=lUWJ2vNc2aX0s3zv – The Hand Off – Pastor Jason Boyd

Today is my Dads heavenly birthday, he would be 83 today. I feel bad that I didn’t know my dad better. He didn’t ever really talk about his past. I’m ashamed to say that today is the first time I have read his obituary! I still haven’t fully grieved and or accepted that he’s gone. I miss the dad that dad was so much of his life. I miss his hugs that could make the world stand still. I miss his laughter and his smile. He had such a fun sense of humor. I miss him calling me and leaving voice messages – “hi Jackie this is your dad.” I miss him asking me to get him quarters from the bank. I miss decorating the Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving with him. I just miss him alot! There are so many little things. I was proud of my dad for everything he did. I can remember when I would visit him and mom how many people that knew my dad and would say hello. He was kind of a local celebrity!

Part of his life is missing from his obituary and that is being married to my birth mom Jeannie and her subsequent suicide. This painful part of his past changed the course of both of our lives. Suicide does that so I’m not surprised for the omission. I only ever heard him speak of what happened when he told Dianne when he thought I was asleep in the backseat. I have never forgotten that! It was a horrible thing he went through! I feel bad that I put him through so much with my mental health issues during the latter years of his life.

Here is part of his obituary:

https://www.millerfh.com/obituary/larry-schmidt

LARRY’S OBITUARY

Larry Schmidt, Sioux Falls, SD, passed away Wednesday, November 1, 2023, at Avera Prince of Peace. He was 80.

Larry Jay Schmidt was born May 31, 1943, in Marion, SD, to Elias and Irene (Wipf) Schmidt. The family lived in Freeman, SD prior to moving to Sioux Falls when Larry was five years old. He attended Sioux Falls Washington Senior High School and then joined the US Navy. Following his honorable discharge from service, he sold insurance for Physicians Mutual. Larry served as a police officer in Freeman, SD, then later moved to Rapid City, SD where he continued in security.

On July 7, 1973, he was united in marriage to Dianne Warrington in Tea, SD. The couple made their home in Sioux Falls. Larry continued his career with security in Sioux Falls. In 1987, he and Dianne purchased Velvet Uniforms serving the Sioux Falls community and the law enforcement community in the area. He retired in 2008.

Larry was a member of St. Michael Parish, the Knights of Columbus, American Legion and VFW Honor Guards, and was a member of the Fraternal Order of Police Associate Lodge #1, where he had served as board member and president.

In his free time, Larry enjoyed genealogy and collecting coins. 

Grateful for having shared his life are his wife, Dianne Schmidt, Sioux Falls, SD; daughter, Jackie Wygant, Middleton, ID; son, Jerry (Robin) Lemme, Dell Rapids, SD; four grandchildren; four great-grandchildren; and his brother, Eli (LaVonne) Schmidt, of Sioux Falls, SD. He was preceded in death by his parents, and three brothers, LaVerne Wipf, Gene Schmidt, and John Schmidt. 

My dad was so handsome!
My sweet dad

22 April 2023 Henry (prayers)

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Health, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.

Hello to you. Today begins on a somber note. The first thing I’m thinking of is Henry. I just found out Henry, another one of my ex families dogs has cancer and probably will only be with us a couple of months. He has rectal cancer – a big tumor. Henry is one of those dogs that you just love at first sight. He is a Yorky.

This is the last time I saw Henry – 25 May 2020 what a sweet boy!

Henry came into our lives as a stray. My mother-in-law Beth saw him by the side of the road. She opened her car door and when he came to her she called him Henry. He responded to the name and got in the car with her and that was that! Henry and my dog Spot love each other. I can remember dog sitting Henry and he and Spot played on our bed for like an hour straight. Spot got a bump on her lip for it lol! They were making out!

I remember what it was like losing my Sam, Blondie, Amber and May. This poem really speaks to this:

This applies to cats too for me! I had wonderful cats.

If you pray, please keep little Henry in mind and Beth and Tim his owners. Henry is the third of my exes family dogs to get sick. We lost Smokie, Jack and most recently Titan. When we had family gatherings we had lots of dogs! They would line up at Beth’s pantry for treats. I just hope Henry is comfortable and doesn’t suffer. I feel sure Tim and Beth will make sure of that. They love their dogs like I do – they are family.

I’m grateful Link is in good health. We went to the vet yesterday and other than his teeth and being a bit chubby all is well.

26 April 2023 Ten years – A Time For Everything

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Todays prompt is making me do something I don’t normally do anymore and that is predicting or and projecting my future. Ten years is a long time! If time goes at the rate it’s going I see myself still here in Idaho and possibly having met a nice man for companionship. I am a little slow when it comes to doing things! Sadly I will have to deal with the heart break of Link probably passing on in that time and I don’t know if I will want to go through another life cycle of a pet. Not something I’m looking forward to! I can’t even really talk about it without getting upset. He’s the first dog I have known since he was a newborn puppy.

There are other potential losses I may experience in a ten year life span – it will be crushing. My generation is one where the generation ahead of us, Baby Boomers, are aging out. I think of family photos where so many of the people in them are no longer here with us. God willing, what is coming in the next years will be bearable and not all at once. When I get overwhelmed with grief is when I have had my breakdowns in the past.

A interesting passage from the Bible about time and being human:

Ecclesiastes 3New International Version

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.15 Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.[b]16 And I saw something else under the sun:In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.17 I said to myself,“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

1 November 2021 Conditional Love

by saymber, posted in Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi. I am home from an appointment with my therapist. Some really profound things came up. I had to write about it and hope may be something will resonate with you.

The first thing that came forth was when I was talking about my ex and how I was holding on to our past. How I felt like my holding on to our past was keeping me from moving forward . How I felt holding on to my past was a visceral thing I could actually feel in my head. Like an invisible force holding me back. Well my therapist said something pretty profound. She said “his love for you was conditional.” I felt that so deeply! I immediately felt a warmth in my chest. I thought of Jesus and unconditional love. How I had expected a human being to love me like Jesus and he just couldn’t. Lots of tears processing that! It was a truth I hadn’t considered.

The second thing was I have this huge circle of memories he and I shared and so many of them are good! Powerful! I am so afraid that if I go forward and make new memories that I will leave that past I love behind. I don’t want to let go. My therapist was like “ your holding on to nothing.” He went out of his way to get me a hard copy of the divorce decree. There is literally nothing to go back to! I have to move forward whether I want to or not. Again, more tears! When you talk things out it can bring forth really intense emotions. In case you didn’t already know for yourself, being divorced sucks!

I’m glad I drove to the office day!