5 March 2021 “Get up for your family!”

Hello, how are you doing today? I hope you are well. I just got done talking with one of my old neighbors about various things to include my having trouble getting up some mornings. She said, “Get up for your family!” I hadn’t thought about it that way before as the only family I have in the house is Link! I have extended family in the area like my Aunt, Uncle, three cousins and their children. I have never thought about having the reason I should get up out of bed be for them!

These problems I have been having in the morning started ever since my husband left me. When we were together I practically jumped out of bed in the morning! I am beginning to think he was my muse about life. It was his love and our relationship that was the inspiration of what happened in my day. I got up to make us breakfast and we got up to walk the dogs together.

Sometimes I set my husband above the place of God in my life.

Now that I am alone, I am realizing the one I am getting up for isn’t any tangible being….it’s the Holy Spirit….it’s God. After all it was God that helped me write the blogs I wrote in the past, draw the pictures, do the chalk drawings and take the photographs . It was the invisible force of God that would give me a subtle nudge one way or another to do some of the most creative things I have done. I kind of forgot to give the glory to God and wasn’t specific about it. I have been praying for God to “show me” again, to re-establish the relationship we had together before everything feel apart. Show me in ways I can understand why I need to get up in the morning – to start my day. I want to be an instrument for God.

I will keep working on getting up for my family and the head of my family is God. God can be where my family cannot.

get up for your God” in the English Ordinal system equals 213 (month and day I was born!)(light and shadow process, for one, yes, no, may be)

get up for your family” in the English Ordinal system equals 253 (light and shadow process, all senses, yes, no may be existence)

24 Feb 2021 Manifestation

Hello and Good Morning. How are you doing today? I am doing pretty well. I had some cereal and coffee and Link has been out. It’s very cold this morning so the walk will have to wait!

Lately I have been feeling like I am back in “life school.” My Dad told me a long time ago and I believe it, that life is school and we are never out of class. In the past year I have been through some pretty heavy duty courses! I have been going through a divorce, sold a house, bought a house, got my license plates and driver’s license in another state just to name a couple things. The lions share of the course work seems to be about my figuring out how to not be codependent.

It wasn’t until I really started to grieve the lost of my marriage did I realize how codependent of a person I could be. I used to be perfectly fine being alone but that was when I knew I had someone to come back to. Now that I am alone with Link I am having to figure out how to be truly alone. I’m back in school and the class is Manifestation.

I am having to remember I have the power to manifest my reality – I’ve done it before. I did it through writing, art, and various other means to make the reality I wanted to live. When I practiced manifestation before it was trying to bring about the relationship I really wanted. I want to manifest another relationship but before that I want to be healthy in myself. I don’t know if it’s possible to be open for a new relationship and a new life at the same time. I am having to turn to God about this. A couple affirmations from yesterdays reading really stuck out:
*All difficulties between me and ______ are now being healed *The more I love myself the more I love ____.

I love __________and _________ loves me. *Pg 132 Creative Visualization

My temptation was to put my husbands name in the blank spaces but then instead I put God. I want my husband to want me back but his every word and deed is in opposition to that. When you strip away all the possibilities it is God that still remains. When I think of the way things have been the past couple of years, I was married but was spending most of my time with an intangible God. Now is my opportunity to see what it’s like with no one in the way of that relationship. It’s been a rough start but I am coming around to the idea. I want to be complete and whole inside and these thoughts are all part of the manifestation process I’m going through again. The man I want to share my life with must believe in a power greater than himself – God.

So we’ll see what happens in the time that is before me. Lets see what manifestation is in the numbers:

body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

manifestation” in the English Ordinal system equals 146

11 May 2020 Things change

Hello to you.  It’s early in the morning and I cannot sleep any more right now.  I figured I might as well write a few lines.  Yesterday was a tough day for me but not unexpected.  It seems things are going to be changing for my family.   My family is fixing to get smaller and bigger at the same time.

For my readers of this blog who have been with me a long time, you know this blog is a tool for me to help me sort things out both good and bad going on in my life.  Thank you in advance for reading and your support!

Yesterday I found out that my husband has decided it’s time for us to go our separate ways.   We both agreed that the way the past four years have been for us, especially him, we can go no further together.  This means a lot of changes for our little family.  The timing for this isn’t the greatest in light of what’s going on in the the world around us and I’m very sad this is happening.  The bottom line though is we are parting ways as friends.  I care for and  plan to always care for him and his family.  We just aren’t going to be husband and wife anymore.

Let our story be a cautionary tale for those reading out there who have the Bipolar label, have family who is Bipolar, are married or are considering marrying someone like me who is Bipolar.  This is the second marriage that this condition, not properly treated and maintained has destroyed for me.   I take a large part to blame for the failure of this marriage.

There is one word that leaps out the most from this journey and that is denial.

For so many years I tried to live with my husband in such a way that made my labels were not a part of the equation.  Ultimately that just made it worse.  When you have this condition or any of the other labels I’ve put on myself like being a highly sensitive/porous/spiritual person, you have to have a proper treatment plan.   I didn’t do my part to the full extent I should have.

It will be really important that that during the transition I am about to make, I still will be able to have access to the care to have proper treatment.  

I have decided once we get everything resolved here, especially the selling of this house, Link and will be headed West to join my family in Idaho.   It’s going to be a long journey, but it sounds like I will have help getting there.

I am blessed to have amazing family and friends both his and mine who have immediately stepped up for both of us about this.  I know it’s not going to be easy but I am having to really go to a new place from denial and that is faith.    I will have to have a stronger faith that for whatever reason this is happening now,  it’s going to be ultimately for a better life for all of us in the future.