5 Dec 2018 Bible Study…She fell in love with a ghost

Hello to you.  the past couple of days I have been riddling out a lot of personal things which include scripture.  For most of my life, pretty much ever since I found out the cause for my birth mother’s taking her own life, post partum depression,  I have been blaming myself.  Post Partum depression, or what they call “Baby Blues” is something that occurs after child birth.  If I hadn’t ever been born may be she wouldn’t have done what she did.  My Dad and I don’t talk much about my Mom and that’s because I know it would hurt him and it hurts me too.   I love my Dad so much.  I know if we embarked on those discussions it would be like opening Pandora’s Box.  He has found a way through this life without opening it.  I must open my own.  We all have one.  A place inside of us that we put things too horrible to face and we shut them away so we can almost forget they even exist.  It’s important to remember even the best of boxes don’t always seal completely shut and contents leak out.

One thing he did tell me about her was her devotion to God and religion.  Perhaps overly so.  Her father, Reverend Harold or Hal Becker, served the God of his understanding for many years.  His wife Carol, my Mom Jeanne, her sister Ruth and their brother Bill were part of that service.  After she took her life at the young age of 26 with the gun my Dad used in his work as a policeman, he put away that service, never got over my Mom’s death and neither have I.  There was much blaming and finger pointing after she died.  Mostly directed at my Dad for leaving his gun in the house with her after she came home from Yankton State Mental Hospital.   Ultimately who is to blame?  My Mom.  She chose to do what she did whatever her state of mind was at the time.  Who is to blame when we become overweight?  When we succumb to a night of drinking?  Texting while we are driving and get into an accident?  We want it to be someone or something else.  We would like to have someone or something else to blame besides ourselves.

Her death has been and still is a mystery, a cold-case file that there aren’t any answers to.  I have gained personal insight in my quest to know her.  She and I have much in common, if what I’ve been told about her and have read is true.  She loved God.  Loving God is a lot like being in love with a ghost.  You can’t see a tangible being but recently, within the past few years, that changed for me.  I started to understand why I was always fascinated with Dracula lore by reflecting on what I experienced trying to be a Roman Catholic.  I can remember one time as a child kneeling during mass and really thinking about what was being said about the blood of Christ and I nearly fainted!

With the help of my Dad and others like Cesar Millan, Maran Keshe, Nikola Tesla and Wilhelm Reich and so many others (animals, insects, the trees, plants, fish etc) living and dead I began to understand energy.  I began to look around and see God everywhere in everyone and everything….”everything is energy….everything is God.”  Just this past year or so the exploration of words as numbers came to me.  Now I dig even deeper and find truth in numbers and I am even closer to the God I have come to understand.

I don’t blame God for my misfortunes.  I don’t blame God for anything because my life has been a series of choices I made.  There might be some behind the scenes stuff going on I am not privy to but to look at my life for it’s face value – it’s my responsibility.  Loving the God of my understanding and seeking to know them better helps me make better choices.


she fell in love with a ghost in Simple Gematria equals: 274

13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

holy spirit in Simple Gematria equals: 151

52/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

jesus christ in Simple Gematria equals: 151*

52/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

(Jesus = 74 Christ = 77) Energy = 74 Power = 77)

earth in Simple Gematria equals: 52*

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

the bible in Simple Gematria equals: 63

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

a person in Simple Gematria equals: 88

16/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 or 16/8/4/2/1

a human being in Simple Gematria equals: 95

14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

a people in Simple Gematria equals: 70

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

a ghost in Simple Gematria equals: 70

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

third wheel in a relationship in Simple Gematria equals: 282

48 or 84/12/3 cycle or 12/6/12/3 cycle

my father�s house has many rooms in Simple Gematria equals: 344 (we are rooms for God)

a body in Simple Gematria equals: 47

= 1687/787/22/4/2/1  or 22 divided by 2 = 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1


holy eucharist in Simple Gematria equals: 164

74/11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

flesh in Simple Gematria equals: 50

5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

blood in Simple Gematria equals: 48

12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 3 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

red wine in Simple Gematria equals: 78

15/6/3 or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12/6/3 cycle

the last supper in Simple Gematria equals: 180

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

animal sacrifice in Simple Gematria equals: 123

6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

human sacrifice in Simple Gematria equals: 130


people sacrifice in Simple Gematria equals: 142

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

war in Simple Gematria equals: 42

6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

gun in Simple Gematria equals: 42

6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

suicide in Simple Gematria equals: 70

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

murder in Simple Gematria equals: 79

16/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1 or 16/8/4/2/1

= 1148/68/14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

a soul in Simple Gematria equals: 68

= 1216/37/10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1



John 14 New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Comforts His Disciples

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”


one bread one body in Simple Gematria equals: 144

54 or 45/9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

omnipresence in Simple Gematria equals: 136 (A Nine – Nein…No)

10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

be everywhere at once in Simple Gematria equals: 199 (A Thirteen)

19/10/1 or 19 divided by 2 = 9.5 = 14 divided by 2 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

difficult in Simple Gematria equals: 90

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

be all at once in Simple Gematria equals: 90

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

be everything to everyone in Simple Gematria equals: 284

68/14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

please everyone all of the time in Simple Gematria equals: 293

59/14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

just be in Simple Gematria equals: 77

14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

you are ultimately responsible for your behavior in Simple Gematria equals: 555*

15/6/3 cycle or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 3 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

blame in Simple Gematria equals: 33

6/3 cycle

responsibility in Simple Gematria equals: 192

39 or 93/12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 3 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

a choice in Simple Gematria equals: 44

8/4/2/1  (choice=43/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1)

everything is energy everything is god in Simple Gematria equals: 422


= 2423/65/11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

1687 + 1216 + 2423 = 5326/78

15/6/3 cycle or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 3 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle*


25 Oct 2018 Blind Creator (Blade Runner 2049)

Yesterday it rained most of the day and I wasn’t feeling very well.  A good stay inside sort of day.  This morning we’ve had a slight break in things.  I got out back to visit our adorable neighbor Buster (a tiny Yorkie) through our shared fence.  He has peeked at me through the fence as long as we’ve known each other lol.  Now he has a gap wide enough so I can give him some attention and tell him how clever a boy he is.   He reminds me of Kyle’s parents much larger Yorkie and my Aunts little guy Tex.  Such sweet dogs!  His “Dad” is a very good neighbor.

23 Oct 2018 neighbor Yorkie Buster peeking through fence Alvarado TX DSC_0184

After time with Mr. Buster,  I had a thought I’ve had many times when I am listening to music and close my eyes, run my  hands through the air.  The thought was triggered by finally seeing Blade Runner 2049 the other night.  Kyle bought it along with Covenant (Aliens) and Beyond (Star Trek) at the Game XChange in Burleson (http://www.gogamexchange.com/stores/texas/burleson/).   I’ll be honest, we were disappointed with both Covenant and Blade Runner.  The original films are so ingrained into us that anything else just doesn’t have the same impact.  Blade Runner is my favorite science fiction film, one of Ridley Scott’s finest films in my opinion.  Kyle would say the original Alien is the best lol.  They are both really good lets just say!

There is a character, Niander Wallace  (Jared Leto) that as soon as I saw him made me think of Jesus.  He had the look of the Christ that has been painted and put before us through time.  Niander had to use technology as his eyes.  For those of you that have seen the movie, you know this character is a complete polar opposite to the Jesus of the Bible.   Niander was a Christ devoid of feeling or care for his creation.  They were a product.  They were expendable….a means to an end.

What has come to me many times is that what we see with our eyes is often a trick and deception.  Not quite a magic trick but close.  We focus on what we want to see and that is what we see even if their is tangible evidence that what we are seeing isn’t really there.  We just want it to be.   I think we are all guilty of this in one way or another be it politics, religion, sports, movies, music or other platforms where human beings are placed on the pedestal meant for God.

From what I’ve been able to figure out for myself, God doesn’t need eyes or a body to see….that’s what all of creation is for.   How else can God (energy) be everywhere at once?  This is why no one truly gets away with anything in the end.   You don’t have to have eyes (of your own) to “see” when you are God.

blind creator in Simple Gematria equals: 121 (God = 26/8)

(blind = 41  creator = 80)


god in the clouds in Simple Gematria equals: 156

(God = 26 in = 23  the = 33 = clouds = 74)

12/6/3 cycle

disillusionment in Simple Gematria equals: 195

15/6/3 cycle or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12/6/3 cycle

unrealistic expectations are the seeds of all resentment in Simple Gematria equals: 570

12/6/3 cycle

false gods in Simple Gematria equals: 88


man pretending to be god in Simple Gematria equals: 208

10/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

omnipotent in Simple Gematria equals: 141

6/3 cycle

you dont have to have eyes to see in Simple Gematria equals: 339 (49)

13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1


23 Oct 2018 A Wrinkle In Time DSC_0170

Interesting excerpt from book I’ve been reading:

Page 160 A Wrinkle In Time – “Like and equal are two completely different things”

Like = 37

Equal = 56

like and equal are two completely different things in Simple Gematria equals: 484



30 Sept 2016 Lost puppy (dog messengers) and Kyle’s Visitor at the foot of our bed revisiting 6 July 2005 phantom attack Windover Apartments Newark DE

Hello to you, it’s about 8:17 am on this Friday morning. Trying to sort my thoughts because what I have to share is pretty disorientating!

Our weirdness started last night when we were coming home from an evening dog walk and our neighbor came up to us with a young puppy in her arms, looked like a blue heeler and only a few months old. She said it had been dumped so we called the non-emergency number so the dog could be picked up and taken to our city shelter as neither she nor us could keep the poor thing. Such a sweet and well-behaved boy! Turns out the people and children she thought were dumping the dog had actually found the dog and were trying to find it’s owners but couldn’t keep it. They thought it belonged to our neighbor as they have a young blue heeler but it’s a female.

Weird things for us often are preceded by such experiences with dogs like this…let the weirdness proceed….

So last night Kyle, Spot, Link, Amber, and I had gone to bed. We were asleep and then all the sudden Kyle erupted out of bed and yelled “Get out of here!” and he gave chase to something or someone. Now Kyle is prone to sleep walking and talking but this was epic. He said he saw a figure at the end of our bed, a man, and he was reaching for him and that’s when he did what he did. Well poor Spot just started screaming. Even after we were awake and Kyle checked the room to make sure no one was in the house, holding her she wouldn’t stop screaming. We think she got hurt somehow in all the commotion and still this morning she’s hurt and yelps. We are going to keep an eye on her and if she doesn’t get righted we are taking her to the vet.

I told Kyle that a message came to me about this figure, “I had to come see for myself.”

On the 14 Sept 2016 at about 1146 am I mentioned to you about the vivid dream I had about someone getting into the house and my chasing them out! Now Kyle has one of his dreams and actively chases them out! What is going on?!

The veil is thin?!

So now we are going to time travel. I found in my trunk of journals the journal in which I wrote about the last time we had such things happening to us. It is when we were first together living in our apartment in Windover in Newark DE in 2005 which is about two years after my experience in the parking lot at the Barnes and Nobles parking lot in Melbourne FL.

In this book, much to my surprise, were drawings of the serpent Christ I’ve shared with you before and many dreams that have spiritual themes like seeing Jesus and Buddha sitting side by side, on 28 April 2005 I had this dream: “Then I remember a mall like place and seeing a table with crosses and things and then all the sudden swiping my hand and knocking them over yelling, “You and your trinkets worshiping them in all shapes and forms!” There were all kinds of cat statues and other things to in this place — it was on the way to the church. That’s all I remember. I just remember being very mad. So confusing these dreams.”

This was around the time they discovered I had a 12 trimester size “cyst” and I was preparing to have surgery to remove it in August. I was grieving my divorce, adapting to living with Kyle and being in a new environment on top of trying to keep myself together mentally, physically and spiritually. Kyle says what I showed him this morning in this journal reminds him of a book he once read called something like A Light in the Dark about a fight being waged for a young woman’s soul….my life and my experiences feel an awful lot like that sometimes!

Ok – so this is a transcription from my journal, the date is 6 July 2005, 8:35 am

Last night was the tops for weird at bedtime. I was trying to go to sleep when I “heard” space disruption like someone walking in but I couldn’t see anyone just knew they were there and I felt scared as it wasn’t a friendly presence. I knew it was looking at me — right side of the bed. I kept moving away towards Kyle–I was scared. The ringing in my head was very loud at the top—making me cry.

Then Kyle wanted to know what was wrong, where it was, how tall. I said where, didn’t know how tall just know where. Kyle told me to turn on the light and I couldn’t I was scared so he did and I was under blanket. When I came out from underneath I felt my throat constrict — felt really sick in my stomach in dry heaves, hard to get breath. Kyle was freaking, crying (3 tears). He grabbed me and told me, “Let’s go” and took me to the bathroom where I felt sick still. He then told me what he saw — darker shadow floating above me going towards my neck and that’s when I started having trouble breathing, feeling sick.

Kyle tried to kick it away and that’s when he grabbed me and took me to the bathroom. After that we felt it in the room for quite awhile. Kyle got goosebumps all over body every time he went near room until last time when we went to bed.

We tried to take digital pics but got nothing — think too late — had already gone. Kyle remembers feet getting cold before it all started but since my feet are cold he didn’t think anything of it.


Blue house across the street — Kyle just had feeling to open the blinds and what do we see but a crime scene. Investigators – one w/gloves and cop car and another going around asking questions of neighbors. It was an Asian woman we had noticed for a time since we’ve lived here walking down the street, tending her yard — very gentle spirit — we found out from neighbor there is crime scene tape now….foul play…she’s dead* We feel there is a connection w/last night and today. May be she was trying to hold on to me when she was being attacked–didn’t want to go yet. She was murdered. This hurts me so much. Again — my eyes seeing ahead…we saw her carried out in a body bag to the coroners van.

*We found out later that it wasn’t the woman that died but somebody else! We saw her in her yard later just like she had always been. May be an violent intruder? The house was later condemned and we tried to bring the woman flowers but never saw her again. The house was completely refurbished and people moved in prior to our moving out of the apartment.


Whatever you choose to believe about what I’ve shared, what you think about me, know this – I choose and have always chosen the light.  I choose and have always chosen Love.  I choose and have always chosen Hope.  I choose and have always chosen to hope and pray for all the greatest good the God of my understanding could ever want for me and for all those I love and care about.  For those of you who know and love me, all I have ever loved and cared about is  literally this entire world.

When you put labels on people and pump them full of medication, bad food, bad air, bad water and bad “society” and expect them to withstand it on their two feet, you would be mistaken.  We are human beings and we will fall.  You are also mistaken in thinking someone or something….an external force man-made or of the paranormal or realms of human superstition must “save” said persons….the only one capable of saving anyone starts from within.  You can only “save” yourself with the “help” as needed, from external forces.