Category: Bipolar life

16 Apr 20 Procrastination and David (Dream)

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you. I’m just got home from our Thursday prayer group and breakfast at the Sunrise. We are keeping pastor Jason’s daughter Harper in prayer as her doctors keep trying to figure out what’s going on with her. I should have gone to get groceries but I am procrastinating! I am planning on going tomorrow morning. It will give me something to do.

Do you procrastinate? What do you dread doing so much that you put it off?

Part of the dread comes from how expensive grocery shopping has gotten. For just me and Link prices have doubled.

Had an interesting, very brief dream last night that woke me up. It was of seeing a David Bowie that looked like he did in the music video for I’m Afraid Of Americans:

https://youtu.be/LT3cERVRoQo?si=ksfehBgmbFztLndg – I’m Afraid of Americans – David Bowie

As he walked away from me there were black storm clouds brewing in the distance. It’s been awhile since I’ve dreamt of David. Another dream I had with him in it was of joining him on stage for a concert. I had that one shortly after he died. David was a major player in my teenage years. I gravitated towards him because like me, he was androgynous. When I was in high school I got mistaken for being a guy a lot! Nowadays I’m a “ma’m” A couple of days ago a neighbor walking their dog greeted me that way. My age is finally catching up to me!

The chameleon

St. Padre Pio’s Healing Prayer
“Heavenly Father, I thank you for loving me. I thank you for sending your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, to the world to save and to set me free. I trust in your power and grace that sustain and restore me. Loving Father, touch me now with your healing hands, for I believe that your will is for me to be well in mind, body, soul, and spirit”. 

12 Apr 2026 What God Wants

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you on this rainy Sunday afternoon. Today has been uneventful. This morning was church. I sat with my friends in our usual spot in row J. I like that spot because the floor is more level and it’s easier to stand. My back was not being my friend today! I was surprised to see Jeannie with Roy who has gotten so thin. He is determined to go to church and she is kind enough to help him! I’m always glad to sit with them and my other friends Terry and Cecil. God is definitely at work in Roy.

Today we were in Matthew 19:16-30:

Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?” “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” “Which ones?” he inquired. Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’” “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?” Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?” Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.

https://youtu.be/m9-eKzm_yWw?si=18iVnOyzP7r_39Vk – Money, Money, Money – Pastor Jason Boyd

The take away from this sermon is that God doesn’t want our money or possessions. He wants our hearts. Jason asked what is it in our lives that keeps our hearts from him. This question calls for reflection and thought. What do I focus on more than God? Honestly it’s my body right now. I used to do more until I hurt my back and had the Weeble wobble stuff going on in my head. Every day I ask God to heal me so I might be a more fit vessel. I wonder what would happen if I stopped focusing on myself and just focused on Jesus! What we focus on gains more power and influence in our lives.

8 Apr 2026 Pushing On

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, human rights, Nature, photography, Politics and Government, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs
Little blooms
One of my favorite trees on my daily walks
Seems like just yesterday the leaves were bare
My Aunt and I on Easter

Hello to you. How are you doing? Since Sunday I haven’t been feeling so good. I’m writing to you from bed and it’s only 7 pm! Still very light out. I just feel weak and low energy. This too shall pass and I know I will push on beyond whatever this is. The only thing different I’m doing is I have started taking loratadine which is generic Claritin for allergies. The Flonase hasn’t arrived yet. This is another way of tackling the fullness in my ears.

Dear Jesus please be with my Uncle Bill as he navigates issues going on with his heart. I also ask you be with my cousin Heidi as she continues to heal. I ask you to be with the people in war torn countries- let there be peace. I pray you guide leaders at all levels of government – please give our elected officials the courage to stop the mad king! Amen.

2 Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind”

30 Mar 2026 Palm Sunday and The One With The Pool

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, dreams, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How are you? I was up early after a night of lots of dreams. Dreamt a lot of shadow people but didn’t get scared this time. I had an appointment with the VA first thing this morning. I was there for a weight and ears check up. I gained a pound since my last visit which was disappointing and as I’ve mentioned before my ears didn’t respond to the antibiotic. We are going to try Flonase nasal spray and Claritin. She suspects my Eustachian tubes may be clogged and antihistamine treatment may clear them. My Aunt said she uses Flonase every night. We have similar allergy problems. She had me take a blood pressure cuff home to do a daily blood pressure check as my blood pressure was a little high. I am really disappointed we aren’t keeping her! Now I have to start over again with a new doctor next visit.

This past Sunday was Palm Sunday. We were in John 5:1-15:

John 5:1-15New International Version

The Healing at the Pool

5 Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. 2 Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda[a] and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. 3 Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. [4] [b] 5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

7 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” 9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

The day on which this took place was a Sabbath,10 and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”

11 But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ”

12 So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”

13 The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.

14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” 15 The man went away and told the Jewish leaders that it was Jesus who had made him well.

Whenever I hear “Do you want to be healed?” My resounding answer is “YES!” I can imagine Jesus laying his hands on me and my being completely healed.

https://youtu.be/kf6K3NbOOyg?si=kghCMC40nQllvQ2B – The Chosen – Triumphal Entry Into Jerusalem – Palm Sunday

https://youtu.be/JMj1ggINLe4?si=w2V8GPwp37mUN8A6 – The Chosen – Jesus Heals At The Pool

https://youtu.be/Qg7SQeASmMQ?si=AiaKwzBLlgONKXep – The One With The Pool – Pastor Jason Boyd

28 Mar 2026 Reaching Out

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. Today was good. I woke up with my usual problem – anxiety and I didn’t want to be alone. I reached out to my Aunt and she had Link and I come over. She helped me make a delicious cup of coffee and made me a toasted blueberry bagel. She gave me a much needed hug. She just knows what I need! Almost every day I have anxiety in the morning and instead of fighting my way through it today I reached out. I am so blessed to have an understanding Aunt and Uncle! At times I really don’t like living alone. Thank God for Link! Am I going to be alone for the rest of my life? Sometimes I think so! The dating scene for my age group is pretty dismal. I always said that if I couldn’t make my second marriage work that I was destined to be alone. There is a large void in my life not being married. I will just have to let God have the final word on this.

My blessings

Favorite song before bed: https://youtu.be/h9hILKB9qZQ?si=8gwxivXqomrWUX7j – Vangelis – Come to Me

John 16:33New International Version

33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

27 Mar 2026 Blooms

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How are you doing? I hope well. Today is day three of taking the Oregano oil – no real change yet. I am in the supposed clean out phase but don’t feel it yet. My Aunt recommended my talking to my doctor about a drug called wegovy. It can help with weight loss. I’m not happy with the side effects I read about- it supposedly slows down digestion which could affect the effectiveness of Depakote I take for being Bipolar. I am pretty sure I would have to pay out of pocket for it too but can’t hurt to ask about it. When I was prescribed a multi vitamin and vitamin D3 through the VA and had to pay out of pocket for both of them.

During the walk today I noticed lots of flowers – especially dandelions. I learned a while back that dandelions are not weeds but natural medicine. Also the bees rely on dandelion as an early food source. I saw but couldn’t capture actual images of bees visiting the yellow flowers. I am grateful to my neighbors who just let them bloom and don’t spray poison on them.

Dear Jesus I pray for this world and all the life within it. May there be peace in the war ravaged regions. I pray especially for the innocent children in these places- shield them from harm. I pray for you to make your presence known – illuminate the dark places. Please be with those dealing with the destruction of their homes after natural and man made disasters. I pray you be with all those who are suffering from Alzheimer’s and dementia. I pray for your presence with the sick, healing, recovering and the poor. Please be with all animals that are suffering needlessly. Amen.

Romans 15:13New International Version

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peaceas you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

26 Mar 2026 Parasites Within

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion

Hello there. It’s bed time as I write to you. How are you? This morning was my weekly prayer meeting. LOTS to pray about! I am hoping I will get a good sleep tonight. I am on my second day of taking Oil of Oregano with Black Seed Oil by Resilia. I am hoping it will help me with my bloating and sugar cravings. The reviews have been good so we shall see! I feel with certainty that I have parasites in my gut. After every meal my belly bloats up like I’m pregnant. I know part of the sugar cravings isn’t just parasites begging to be fed but is also the medication I’m on. Depakote and Olanzapine are known for causing weight gain. I am hoping the oregano oil will help me in spite of the medications.

I have been asking Jesus to heal me and I feel like he has been leading me down a path of possibilities to do just that. It’s been a struggle at times as I have gotten so out of shape. Becoming more active each day with Tai Chi and a longer walk each day and changes to what I’m putting in my body are all holistic approaches to healing. I just have to surrender and believe we are on the right path together.

A good prayer for these days we are in:

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi (Prayer for Peace)

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

19 Mar 2026 Cats and Dogs Dreams

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, dreams, Movies, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you wherever and whenever it is that your visiting from. I have been pleasantly surprised that some of my visitors lately are from Singapore and China. My motto is if even one person needs the message I’m sharing it’s a blessing. Sometimes the message is just for me!

The past couple of days my dreams have been filled with cats and dogs. The one with dogs today was of a dog like Spot, the rat terrier I had and loved so much. She was walking with two golden puppies attached to her. I have been having dreams of Spot a lot lately. She passed away a couple of years ago so I welcome seeing her even if it’s just in a dream. The cat dreams are more random and my cats that passed, May and Amber, aren’t always in them. My Aunt recently suggested may be adopting a cat when Link is gone. So may be my subconscious is at work in the dream world about the idea. The only part of having cats I didn’t like was cat litter getting all over the place.

I have heard it said that the dream world is a bridge to heaven and when you have dreams of deceased loved ones be it animal or human it’s like a visit.

15 Mar 2026 When God Heals

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you. It’s Sunday again. The weeks are flying by already. I’m just back from a family birthday party at my cousins house. Lots of good food and company. The men grilled burgers, hot dogs and elk burgers. The grandchildren always bring joy and laughter as does my Aunt Ruth. They even did an Easter egg hunt that the kids really enjoyed. It was good to see everybody.

Church was good. Roy was there in a wheel chair with his sister and brother-in-law. That is a miracle of Gods healing power! We had Bryant Strodt give the sermon out of Mark 5:25-34:

Mark 5:25-34New International Version

25 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse.27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” 29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

30 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”

31 “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”

32 But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33 Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

https://youtu.be/Pvd7EswOdm4?si=sTf1DRbkrUYyq1v6 – When God Heals – Bryant Strodt

When God heals, it is to build our faith. When God doesn’t heal, he also uses it to build our faith.

I have been asking God to heal me for the past couple of years and he hasn’t yet. In his divine timing I have faith that he will heal me if he’s going to. I also have to accept that as we get older our cars (bodies) break down and don’t work like they used to. What I am praying for might be unreasonable! I may never be completely pain free.

12 Mar 2026 Focus

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, dreams, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion

Hello and good evening. I am writing to you to help quiet my brain before bed. I have been having good dreams since the one I told you about with sleep paralysis. This past day I dreamt about being with my ex and his brother. I really miss both of them and the in depth talks we used to have. We were good friends! The dream felt like a nice visit with them.

My thoughts tonight turn to the word focus. The context being of what I focus on gaining power in my life. I am currently focusing on losing weight and being more active. It’s going from just thinking to doing. This is a battle because of the fullness in my ears, balance and my lower back. I am hoping the Tai Chi, currently at a beginners level and walking, will gradually help me out with what is holding me back.

The other thing that holds me back in my life is my love for my dog Link. I hate leaving him alone for too long. He is going to be 12 this coming December! He’s a senior dog now and I don’t know how much longer we will have together. After him I don’t know if I will be able to have another pet. There are a lot of things I don’t do because of my responsibility as a pet owner. My little old man gets a lot of my focus.

What we focus on gains power – takes center stage of our lives. The past couple years I have been trying to put Jesus at the center but I will be honest it’s not been easy. I was a pagan for a long time. Prior to being a pagan I was a Roman Catholic for many years up until I left home. After the Catholic Church refused to acknowledge my first marriage I tried many other churches and just couldn’t find one I felt comfortable or accepted in. In the church I am currently attending, Grace Bible Church, I have found acceptance and fellowship but sometimes I feel like the chameleon tattooed on my shoulder. My ability to feel anything deeply has gone the way of my creativity. I want to feel Jesus’s love for me and sometimes I just don’t! I want to weep with the depths of his love and I just can’t. What used to come to me so easily has been reduced to this blog. I am so grateful to you who come to visit me here from all over the world which encourages me not to give up writing altogether!

Dear Jesus I come before you asking for you to heal me in my brokenness- physically, mentally and spiritually. Please show me you are present and that you love me. I ask that you make your presence known to all in this world that thirst for the living water only you can provide. Help me and others like me authentically be vessels of your spirit. Free me and others like me from the bondage of self. Amen.