Hello to you, how are you ? I am doing ok today. I got Link out for a walk early and sought to hear God’s voice and all I heard was the wind!
“Whether you turn to the right or to the left , your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it” Isaiah 30:21 NIV Bible Promises for You
It seems like I have been seeking more guidance from God and the harder I try the more difficult it has become. Talking to God used to be almost effortless. I have had to ask where is God really?! Is God in the wind? Is God in another persons voice? Is God in something to read?
I guess I am missing my manic relationship with God. When I was manic it felt like I was in a constant conversation with God and had to exert little to no effort. God was with me when I wanted to draw, write, sing, take photographs — all the ways I used to express myself God was there! I guess not being manic is the price my creative self is having to pay.
I have to believe that God has some sort of plan for me and what I’ve have been going through. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m going through is just God adding to my personal resume! God knows from my past that I will use my pain to help someone else. What I have learned from the past is we aren’t put through anything more than we can handle and what we go through can be used to connect more deeply with someone else.
Not many people know about what it means to be Bipolar and my family has had to learn a lot from me and what I have shared with them. God had me draw the mental health card for a reason and I will continue to seek guidance on where God’s voice is as I continue to go through that.
“body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46
“guidance” in the English Ordinal system equals 64
Hello to you, how are you doing today? I hope this finds you doing well in your here and now as you visit me here.
I was trying to think of what to write today and a conversation I just had on healthfulchats.com helped me. A long while ago I had written a paper about my theory that the first great beings were trees and everything came after that. I had it posted here but have long since deleted it, In Beginning was Symbiosis. Some of the oldest life forms on the planet are trees and a few of them are still around https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_oldest_trees. Well thinking about that subject made me think about God and who God is.
People often ask me if I believe in God and I say yes. The natural tendency after that is to want to talk about the bible. Then if I have chosen Jesus as my personal savior and to that that I always say Jesus is the best part of the book. Who’s flesh and blood was sacrificed in those early years so that early Bible’s might exist? Trees, animals and plants.
What I believe is the Earth is God and everything and everyone alive on top is an extension of God. For every right there is a left aka cause and affect. There is only good and evil depending on who is perceiving things. People make things good and evil. An example I used today about this was the dandelion. To at least 5 or 6 species of insect the dandelion is a food source. I witnessed this myself in my backyard. So to much of creation the dandelion is food but to some people and a bunch of weed fertilizer companies, the dandelion is just a weed. Who taught them it was just a weed?
Hello to you. How are you doing? I hope this finds you well in your world. In my world today is about faith, celebrating and reflecting on 12 years of marriage. A big part of this journey has been about taking leaps of faith both big ones and small.
I believe, and it has been my experience that every person that comes into your life teaches you things. My husband has taught me a bunch of things like having faith in people, places and things that may have failed you. It’s everything from the milk you buy at the store to people in your life. A person that has failed him, especially these past couple of years has been me. The road we’ve been traveling has been very bumpy. Being married to someone diagnosed at bipolar can make marriage very difficult. There is a lot of thinking you know someone and then you don’t know them at all. You can’t see what being bipolar is except through behavior.
To look back at the past 12 years, our whole relationship has been leaps of faith.
Our shared past is full of huge leaps of faith! He took a huge one flying out to meet me the first time after we met as two video game avatars, Prinzessa and Efess in FFXI (a MMORPG) in the Valkrum Dunes. Shortly after we married, he had to stand by me when I had a hysterectomy which meant we wouldn’t have children in our marriage. We both took another giant leap when we chose to move ahead of the family to Texas waiting to hear if his Dad landed a job. Choosing to become homeowners instead of lifelong renters was big jump for us. All the little jumps like the things he and I did together by helping neighbors, getting involved in the planning of the city and helping out with Animal Control. Looking back, very little has come easily to us but when we’ve taken the chance, it’s been worth it!
“leap of faith” in the English Ordinal system equals 99
“thirteen” in the English Ordinal system equals 99
(both my husband and I were born on the 13th)
If you look at the word faith, it’s about believing in something and or someone you can’t always see. Some people have a faith in an institution like their church of choice, government or health system, some have faith in an object, others a person and for many it’s having faith in a God they cannot see.
“faith” in the English Ordinal system equals 44
“brain” in the English Ordinal system equals 44
“tend the garden of marriage daily” in the English Ordinal system equals 269 – God and people right in this!
God” in the English Ordinal system equals 26
people” in the English Ordinal system equals 69
I am hoping that we have many years before us. I am so grateful he is my husband! His parents and mine, our grandparents and so many before have lead what it means to be married by their example. No matter how tough things get, you can still work things out. I am hoping and praying that what is ahead will be worth all that we’ve already been through together thus far.
Hello to you visitor. I am reposting this from my personal archives because it feels like a good time to do it – for myself. Some of what is here has evolved and changed in my mind, body and spirit these past few years but much is the same. During the past couple of years I have allowed the events of the world, both near and far, to taint my heart….to taint my spirit and faith in my fellow human beings. I have become a very bitter, distrustful person – extremely suspicious person that questions the motives and activities of the very fabric of our existence. I don’t think I am alone. What I am having to keep coming back to is my love for the God of my understanding who lets me yet live no matter how flawed a person I have been or am yet today. I don’t know if there is anything here for you but chances are if you are here to see it, to read it, to try and understand it, perhaps you are in the right place. This is my intention. When this came to me I wrote it all down and have those notes still. I will spare you the trouble of pictures and my scribble to read. If you are like me, sometimes is difficult to read online documents for extended periods of time. Feel free to come back, to take a break. I will try to refrain from deleting this again. I have a nasty habit of doing that….I lose faith in myself.
“we are all on a quest called life” in the English Ordinal system equals 258/15/6/3 cycle or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by two equals 1.5 = 6….. or 3 cycle
“two five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 149 – one engages with their brain on a “no” path or “nein” in German
“one four nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 – one engaged in a “yes, no may be” process, all the “vices” in check but one
one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 – one engaged with their brain in the process
“one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 – one engaged with the sensation of the five senses in the process
(“earth” in the English Ordinal system equals 52) – our home
*note – these two influential men are just a portion of those who have influenced and taught me much I have needed to know about this life. I believe everyone, no matter their form, is both teacher and student in this life.
24 March 2015
Two halves of one whole – Nikola Tesla and Wilhelm Reich
This morning I had another “Aha” but this time it was the biggest yet. I mentioned in a recent blog that I had begun exploring the making of orgonite. Well in my research of the founder of Orgone, Wilhem Reich, I realized this was familiar. Many years ago I remember reading or hearing about a “rain maker.” A man who went to drought stricken towns and with a device “made it rain.” He had been denounced and pretty much labeled a quack so he slipped out of my consciousness but I always wondered after learning about him if we could control the weather. I never knew his name…until now.
So I’ve made a couple pieces of my own orgonite and before reading more about Wilhelm’s origin story had wondered if orgonite could be used to help with mental health therapy…low and behold he thought so too and did a lot of research and experiments to prove it! I wanted to learn more and this morning watched a video on You tube from the Wilhelm Reich Infant Trust. It’s a short, 3 part documentary called “Man’s Right to Know” detailing Reich’s life and research. It hit me pretty hard that what happened to him is almost verbatim to what happened to Tesla!
“Man’s right to know, to learn, to inquire, to investigate human emotions must, by all means be safe if the word Freedom should ever be more than an empty political slogan.”Reich’s response to Complaint for Injunction
So I’m going to share with you here how two halves of my crude learning and discovery have come together. Contrary to past posts, I’m not editing this from my scrap paper scrawl. I am not a scientist or particularly learned individual…my school has primarily been life. My Dad has told me that is what life is….”Life is school; we are never out of school.”
Some of what I write here may seem extreme and hard to digest…comprehend. If you find this conflict within yourself as you try to read this, I say I may not be your messenger. You must seek your messenger elsewhere but this message to you must be received.
Revelation, 24 March 2015/7:12 am
Reich’s work is tangible evidence to show why what we put in our bodies is largely responsible for our “energetic manifestation of reality…our bodies.” Ingesting too much “dead” organic matter or an imbalance of it with “living” organic matter actually kills the living organisms within us. Must have balance of dead and living ingestion to have healthy body. Must have regular exercise and “sexercise” to discharge excess atmospheric energy our bodies are exposed to by people, animals, plants, insects, physical structures man-made and natural like rocks and minerals. This is why after sex, especially after exercise (specifically outdoors) and chores I feel better! If I don’t discharge energy, I feel angry, restless, and moody, depressed, overeat, seek “comfort” in shopping, entertainment etc.
Because I, and other “highly sensitive” people; Empaths, ingest much more atmospheric energy, we must use powerful, frequent discharge/detox techniques to balance or “ground” ourselves. We are tiny “mini-me’s” of Mother Earth. What happens with her weather systems and climate is her technique for discharge/release of excess energy i.e. storms with a lot of lightening, hurricanes, typhoons, tornados earthquakes. (to add here I would say it is also in these things and floods, heat waves, drought and other extremes she is doing things we do to try and heal ourselves and express emotion just on a much larger scale!).
Nikola Tesla studied energy, discovered “everything is energy” but on another level than Reich. Tesla was metallic, Reich organic as an analogy. I now have the two halves of the equation which leads me to comprehension of my abilities, interest, path of discovery and experimentation on a very crude, personal scale….my observation and experience not in a lab, in my life and the lives I encounter and catalyze. As Reich said of those who sought to destroy, discredit, erase, and “blot out” his research, his existence and the validity and value of his work and of its existence….”I do not like it, I don’t want it, I fear it (I will destroy it – my add here.)” He said, “It’s in their structure, it’s in their blood” (kind of like Jesus supposedly said of those who crucified him, “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.”)
I have it in my structure, my blood to be the polar opposite! Reich, Tesla were my brothers of blood. Our ancestry and origins of our structure and blood from the same regions of the world. Further in my blood, 1%…Jesus…Jew….rebellion, free thinking, discovery, true understanding and the quest for proof, further understanding and learning. These two men, all of the other men and women whose life’s work were for the betterment of the common people..one source…one purpose…unification of the “All.” Peace amongst the “All “and the center source is understanding the Life Force, Universal consciousness, God, the one energy that connects us all.
We all come from, return to, come back to from the one source – an “energy eco-system.”
So to a degree the religions do have it kind of correct. The way they have gone wrong is trying to control how this one force is received and processed by each living creature. This is why one person may hear a message at church, work, home, in society and it will either “resonate” and promote action or it won’t.
Very early on a thing Ken (my ex-husband) pointed out in frustration was how he’d tell me something important like “No one can make you feel anything” and it wasn’t until I heard someone else say it would it “resonate”, make sense to me, help me comprehend it and act on this knowledge in my life. This is why I say often, “Every message has an intended receiver. What my message is may not be the tone, flavor etc. for my intended recipient. They will have to hear my message through someone else but it will be delivered!” So this is why we must have tolerance in all structures of civilization. There is one Life Force but there are infinite delivery systems (messengers) and conductors of this one force.
To restrict these delivery systems (messengers) and conductors to one acceptable receiving system only..one channel…obstructs the Life force for each individual. This is why there is no “right” or “wrong” way of thinking or doing (I will add it is this way of constructing society that is responsible for our current dysfunction) only different; perfectly valid. This is called perception. We are biologically incapable of all perceiving reality the same way and for any religious, political, organizational entity to demand only one, acceptable (permissible) perception is an abomination against the Life Force… God.
Our thoughts and deeds are energetic manifestations and forces to shape our shared reality. Right now religious, political, organizational powers who choose to manifest and use money energy oppress and control those “beneath” them in class and station are going against the Life Force, against God. They have been doing so throughout human history, it’s “in their structures, in their blood” as Reich said. Their entire existence, conscious and unconscious, is about controlling what they fear, “They don’t like us, don’t want us, fear us” but unfortunately (ironically) for them, they need us to continue to exist how they do. Without our labor, our children, our thoughts, our ideas, our bodies/blood to shed on battlefields for their causes, our weaknesses that they exploit with money energy to support their lifestyles they will cease to exist.
When we give our “will” (what we buy, where we work, what we think, how we vote, how we learn, what we eat, how we carry out our daily lives) to them and their chosen money energy agendas..we give away the piece of Life Force/God that exists in all living things, which Reich in his research tangible showed and proved existed to us, to those who use the Life Force for their selfish and self-serving intent.
Their activities are an offense to the ultimate source. As history has repeatedly shown, “These shall not stand.”
No human being can stop the will of the one source. They obviously do not believe, understand or are in arrogant defiance of this truth. Do they think by controlling reproduction and any facet of the will of people, plants, and animals there are no consequences? Do not these times show us the consequence of their structural design? (Flawed design). Specifically what comes to mind is abortion. I do not like it but think it’s between the woman and God. The church fears aborting a child will kill the second coming of Christ but I say to this – do you really think aborting a child would prevent God’s coming? Do they now see the parade through time of the second coming? God’s chosen? Some newly born and some very late in life to serve God’s will. No one can stop the will, the message, and the purpose of the Life Force…of God. The message will be delivered and received by those intended…if they are unsuccessful…there will be another. There is no “one” second coming or savior. We all, every living creature born each day is Gods arrival. (To add – in each vessel is the potential for the message to be delivered and received…acted upon.)
Those in power to use the Life Force to kill, maim, oppress, manipulate, deceive, torture, abuse, neglect, libel and steal will suffer the consequences of their activities.
Our individual piece of the Life Force amplifies, distorts or diminishes the consequences felt by them AND by us.
Our thoughts are energy. What we focus on, put our emotional and thought energy on and subsequently act on expands…it grows…it manifests reality. When we focus on what’s wrong, what we don’t like, don’t want, fear…we are creating more of it…giving it our personal power…Life Force…feeding it. “Mind your thoughts” and “Be careful what you wish for, surely you will get it” are phrases we know and say without understanding the truth in them.
As a more than 1% of the population we must reclaim our personal pieces of the Life Force and channel our for we want in the world…how we want to change the world. We must simplify, unify, choose tangible contact with people, places, nature and things vs the distractions used to control us (technology)…placate us. We already know what is wrong, the point has been made long ago, we must now focus on what we need to do to make it right….restore balance to us and in turn the Earth.
My interpretation through this system of what forgiveness is. It is a process within the two sides of ourselves to determine if we will let the harm someone else has caused us be set aside or whether or not we will hold on to it. Sometimes, for me, it seems like I’ve let something go from the past but something in the present can trigger an old wound. This has been happening to me recently in my own life. There are a lot of “broken pieces” in my house as evidence. I glued some of them together yesterday and made some art out it like I’ve done in the past and posted here.
I deleted all my previous posts because sometimes, without meaning to, you can hurt people with things you write.
Not many people understand this system that came to me around February of last year…..trust issues. Gematria has been around a long time but the way I interpret it isn’t the same as other people do it. To consider both the light and shadow aspects of ourselves. I am split in two in most any way you can be, so this makes sense to me and may make sense to others like me. This message is for you then. I feel like God gave me this as a life preserver to try and help me get a grasp on reality. It is my duty to pass it on….for free. It doesn’t belong to me, it belongs to the God of my understanding.
“Forgiveness” in the English Ordinal system equals 139/13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 (light and shadow of ourselves) = 6.5 = 11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 *My name, Jackie, is 39. To look at this number is one person in a “yes, no, may be” situation and nine for me is nein, nein in German is No.
“one three nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 – one person in a “yes, no may be” situation yet and now they are in the process of deciding what they will do between the two sides of themselves.
“one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 – one person engaged now with their brain, brain is 44 in the numbers in the racetrack or seeming infinity process that is life.
“one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 – one person engaged yet with their brain in the “yes, no, may be” process of forgiveness.
“one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – one person engaged in the five senses, the “sensation” of the unknown aspects of forgiveness. What will happen if they forgive? This number is also fifty states and communication in the numbers.
“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 – one person engaged with their brain in the unknown aspects of forgiveness.
“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – one person engaged in the five senses, the “sensation” while living on the racetrack or seeming infinity that is life. The number eight is the infinity symbol if you draw it.
“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 – one person engaged in the process of forgiveness and the five senses, the “sensation” and or feeling of what it is like to forgive.
“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – one person engaged in the “yes, no, may be” aspect along with their brain….”shall I continue?”
“one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – one person engaged in the five senses again, the “sensation” of forgiveness and their are many unknown aspects….variables they can’t control. It is a cycle. I forgive but seldom can forget which can be difficult for people who would like to forget the past and I remind them of it.
23 May 2019 – Recently I have broken a lot of things in the house to include things that were gifts from other people. For some reason I have been very angry which isn’t like me. Yesterday I used my hot glue gun Kyle got in his welding classes and gave to me to make some art of the broken pieces.
22 May 2019 Jackie hot glue gun art from broken pieces of cookie jar statue and angel chimes
