21 May 2018 Breaking down walls

20 May 2018 – we had some wonderful rain. God cleaned off my canvas ūüôā

Reading this first thing this morning helped me a lot.   What if this message could transcend all the barriers we put up to separate ourselves from each other?!  What if this message could transcend and eventually melt tools people use to harm one another into playgrounds and places that would bring us together in peace?  May be some day.


Describing his encounter with the Pope to CNN, Cruz said: “You know Juan Carlos, that does not matter. God made you like this. God loves you like this. The Pope loves you like this and you should love yourself and not worry about what people say.”

19 May 2018 – what happens when you don’t go to a professional to go blonde LOL!¬† I am working on finding my way through the darkness I’ve been in.¬† I’m so grateful for my family (two and four legged) and dear friends who love me no matter how wild it gets.¬†


6 18 9 5 14 4 19

F R I E N D S = 75 (3 cycle)

6 1 13 9 12 25

F A M I L Y = 66 (3 cycle)

2 5 12 15 22 5 4

7 18 1 20 5 6 21 12

G R A T E F U L = 90 (9 cycle)

B E L O V E D = 65

19 16 9 18 9 20 21 1 12 9 20 25

S P I R I T U A L I T Y = 179

2 12 15 14 4 5

B L O N D E = 52

Yesterday I got a little teary thinking about my dogs and cats.¬† It’s because I was feeling overwhelmed by all the art and writings I have through the house.¬† Dogs and cats are so simple.¬† What do they leave behind by way of material things but a collar, a leash and a few toys?¬† What matters the most is what they leave in my heart….so much love and gratitude!¬† Intangible things you can’t hold on to with your hands!¬†¬† I found the actual story where a vet shares a beautiful story and explanation from a little boy about why dogs don’t live as long as humans.


Why Dogs Don’t Live as Long as Humans

A four year old child’s wisdom

(From the internet….author unknown)

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten year old Irish wolfhound, named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa and their little boy Shane were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.

I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog. Ron and Lisa told me that they thought it would be good for the four year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few moments, Belker slipped away peacefully. The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker‚Äôs death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ‚ÄúI know why.‚ÄĚ Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I never had heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, ‚ÄúPeople are born so that they learn how to live a good life ‚Äď like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?‚ÄĚ The four year old continued, ‚ÄúWell, dogs already know how to do that, so they don‚Äôt have to stay as long.‚ÄĚ

Posted by Peter Sakas at 7:57 AM


14 May 2018 Random

Hello to you.¬† It’s Monday again.¬† Hope that wherever and whenever you are is good.¬† I am feeling that surreal and random feeling this morning.¬† Had to have Kyle give me a kiss on the walk just to make sure it was real lol.¬† Have you ever had moments in your life where you need someone to touch you so you know you are really here?¬† For Kyle sometimes it’s a feeling like your transparent, not solid.¬† I’m so grateful to even have the luxury of that feeling.

A bunch of words with numbers today.¬† It’s so addictive for me lol.¬† I will look up the value of a word and then find a whole bunch of other great words on the same page!¬† My Aunt asked me if this was like coding.¬†¬†I said I guess you could look at it like that.¬† For me it’s just been like having a conversation with the past.¬† Sometimes when I see the value of a word I will chuckle out loud to myself.¬† It’s kind of¬†like being privy to an inside joke or something.¬†¬†I know….”nerd” but it’s fun for me and stimulates my brain like puzzles do for other people.

I told my Aunt this morning what is interesting for me is finding the numeric value of words matching or further defining the actual definition or meaning of a word.  My favorite example is TREE, which is 48, which is 12, which is 3, which cycles back to 3.  When I think of the life cycle of a tree, I think of life, death and rebirth!

14 May 2018 – moth visitor Kyle found by our front door this morning! So lovely.

13 15 20 8

M O T H = 56

20 1 3 15

T A C O = 39 (3 cycle)

3 15 6 6 5 5

C O F F E E = 40

3 15 15 11 9 5

C O O K I E = 58

22 9 4 5 15   7 1 13 5

V I D E O      G A M E = 81 (9 cycle)

2 15 15 11

B O O K = 43

16 12 1 25

P L A Y = 54 (9 cycle)

18 5 1 4

R E A D = 28

18 15 25 1 12

R O Y A L = 71

18 15 19 5

R O S E = 57 (3 cycle)

13 15 22 9 5

M O V I E = 64

20 5 12 5 22 9 19 9 15 14

T E L E V I S I O N = 130

20 5 12 5 16 8 15 14 5

T E L E P H O N E = 100

23 1 20 3 8

3 15 13 16 21 20 5 18

C O M P U T E R = 111 (3 cycle)

23 1 20 3 8

W A T C H = 55

8 5 1 18

H E A R = 32

8 5 1 18 20

H E A R T = 52

12 9 19 20 5 14

L I S T E N = 79

18 1 14 4 15 13

R A N D O M = 65

3 8 1 15 19

C H A O S = 46

13 5 19 19 25

M E S S Y = 81 (9 cycle – had to chuckle about this one! Messes can be a vicious cycle!)

13 5 19 19 1 7  5

M E S S A G E = 69 (3 cycle)



4 May 2018 Sleeping, Dreaming and Healing

Just a note to say hello before the weekend.  We woke up to thunder, lightning and much needed rain this morning.  As I write, it continues to rain. We really needed it so I am grateful for it.

This kind of weather does make me just want to stay in bed!¬†¬†¬†Lately that’s all I’ve been wanting to do is sleep!¬† My therapist and I agreed this morning it’s probably just my body healing after what I went through recently.¬† That last round of a new medication really messed me up!¬† Ironically,¬†speaking of the healing power of sleep, last night I had a vivid dream of helping a man¬†a woman with the balancer/healing wands I’ve shared about.¬†¬†In the dream I taught them¬†to make the sea salt GANS for themselves.¬† It would be nice to think that it wasn’t just a dream and actual people may have been helped somehow!

The dream world is very interesting for me because my mind will incorporate elements of my real world into the dream world.¬† Sometimes I don’t want to wake up and want to just stay in the dream world.¬† Have you ever had one of those dreams that made you feel that way?

4 May 2018 – I was having “trust issues” recently and it came to me to look at things from a numeric perspective. I decided to look at words, break them down into numeric values and see what the word meant after that. It helped me.¬† I don’t know if this will make sense to anyone else but it might!

I decided to play the numbers game with the words dream, sleep and heal.¬† ¬†I doubt what I’ve been doing with¬†this unique, but it is for me!¬† It has¬†been very interesting!¬†¬†Sometimes I have to wonder that if¬†the¬†numeric value of a word is odd,¬† can there actually be a positive motive for it’s existence?¬† Did the person who created the word to describe something like sleep know in numeric terms¬†it would come¬†out to represent a cyclic pattern?¬† Or is that evidence of a¬† power greater than ourselves at work?¬†¬†The more I explore the numeric value of certain words, the more it seems¬†possible.¬†¬†What do you think?

4   18  5  1  13

D  R  E  A  M = 41=5/2=2.5=7/2=3.5=8/2=4/2=2/2=1

(interesting that Dream comes back to 1 or to self as I perceive it.  No one knows if you have had a dream except yourself.  There is no evidence of it even if someone is monitoring your brainwaves)

19 12 5 5  16

S  L  E  E  P = 57 = 12 = 3 (cycle) 3/2=1.5=6/2=3

(sleep is actually a repeating cycle sort of thing.  You have morning, noon and night.  In the patterns of sleep you are either awake, dozing or actually asleep.)

8  5   1  12

H  E  A  L = 26 = 8/2 = 4/2=2/2 = 1

(healing comes out to an “even” motive number from the start and when broken down comes back to self or the value of one.¬† Ultimately, with healing, we are the ones who benefit right?)

*The reason I divide the number by 2 is like taking a look at something with each side of ourselves if that makes sense.

“I am surrounded by rain, thunder and lightning and yet I have traveled without leaving my bed!¬† Am I inside or outside of my own head?”


1 May 2018 Michael The General

Hello to you.¬†¬† Yesterday I was drawing with my compass and this message came forth with it about the angel Michael.¬† As I thought about him,¬† he came across as a sort of General.¬† Can you imagine what it would be like to be God’s literal “wing man?!”

30 April 2018 – I started by using the compass and this is what came forth for me about the angel Michael, a sort of General.

The reason¬†Michael often comes to my mind¬†is my spiritual background.¬† I grew up Lutheran and then¬†Roman Catholic for many years.¬†¬† These days I don’t¬†go to traditional church services etc. but¬†there are aspects of my spiritual journey I have held on to.¬† The concept of angels is definitely one of them!¬†¬† I have had experiences in my life where I believe angels have definitely been watching out for me!¬†¬† There is great power in personal belief.

“In late medieval Christianity, Michael, together with Saint George, became the patron saint of chivalry and is now also considered the patron saint of police officers, paramedics, firefighters and the military.[33][84]

My Dad was a policeman¬†when he was a young man¬†and I’d like to think he was being watched over by Michael all those years!¬†¬†That’s probably why Michael comes to mind a lot¬†when I hear a siren go off nearby.¬†¬†I am always worried about all those connected to that sound!¬† In many cases it’s a policeman or woman, a fire fighter or an ambulance driver….first responders to the scene of usually some persons worst day.¬†¬†When I hear a siren go off, I try to just say a quick prayer that everything will be ok.

Divine beings, or angels like Michael transcend Christianity.¬†¬†When you take the time to look,¬†it’s interesting to find how many different walks of faith have angels or divine beings within them.¬† I am sharing some links to other information if your interested to learn more:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deva_(Buddhism)beings from Buddhism that are like angels in other walks of faith.

http://www.paganspath.com/meta/angels.htminteresting article about how angels are not unique to just Christianity

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_(archangel)a lot of information about Michael here.¬† This angel seems to cross boundaries between different walks of faith.¬† When I did the “numbers” for this name, it came to a total of 51, which becomes¬†6, which divided into 2 becomes¬†3 which then becomes¬†the trinity¬†or¬†a cycle.¬† The word angel comes to a numeric value of 39, which is 12 which is also 3!¬†

http://moonatnoon.com/puzzles/reference/a1b2z26.html (something I initially looked at when I decided to start using the numeric value of the alphabet to examine words and their meanings.¬† I use this system a lot now.¬† It’s amazing to see a more logical view of words we use in the English language.¬† This system, for me, helps bridge the gaps I sometimes have between my faith and reality.¬† Unlike people and words can do sometimes, numbers don’t lie!¬† I don’t know if this would work for other languages but it would be interesting if it did!)

A¬†cycle is a ¬†repeating pattern.¬† It makes sense to me that angels and a being like Michael, ¬†created by human beings, would end up in this pattern.¬†¬†Sometimes our faith is tested or we have doubt.¬† We will¬†literally “cycle” around on a journey to either come back to believing or discarding our faith all together.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†

Have you ever had an encounter with someone who seemed like an angel or divine being?  In the realm of the God of my understanding, energy, pretty much anything goes I think!

Matthew 7:7

Ask, Seek, Knock

7“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.


29 April 2018 Who should get the “credit” for creation?

Hello to you.¬† I’m up early this morning and was thinking about something that has come to me before.¬† Who gets the “credit” for what we create in this world?¬† Credit can be in the context of just pats on the back or accolades.¬† Credit can also¬†mean, in our modern world, ¬†financial support.¬† When I create, I’m not really looking for either, it used to, but not anymore.¬†¬†The reason this came up in my thoughts?¬† I was¬†I was going to try to put my initials and date on the drawings I’m sharing today and realized that it really doesn’t matter all that much!¬† They don’t belong to me really, they belong to a power greater than myself.¬† They belong to the God of my understanding, energy and energy is everyone and everything….the collective consciousness.

When I do something creative, I feel like I’m tapping into the collective consciousness.¬† After all, I my opinion, there really isn’t such a thing as an original idea just a reinterpretation of one that has already come before.¬†¬†Even what I am writing at this moment doesn’t really belong to me in a sense.¬†¬†Only when my ego needs a stroke¬†do I really care about such things!¬† Sometimes I can be pretty hard on myself.¬† When I get like that,¬†my self-esteem plummets pretty low.¬†¬†I will¬†sometimes look for a source outside of myself to somehow lift myself up.¬† Ironically, this was the driving force behind me using Facebook to share my drawings and stuff!

Since I seldom turn a profit for¬†what I channel aka “create”, I think that’s about as pure as it gets.¬† Why should I get hung up on labeling my work?¬† The only reason that comes to mind, is kind of like from that Big Eyes movie when the husband tried to take credit and actually profit from¬†his wife’s work.¬† The karmic resolution to that took place in a courtroom.¬† The judge put the husband and wife to work at¬†blank canvas painting and the husband¬†was unable to¬†recreate his wife’s paintings.

Amy Adams and Margaret Keane tell Big Eyes Movie Story (I wonder if all the folks involved with this film, to include Margaret, receive money for sales of this film?  Not quite sure how that works.)

So should I consider copywriting everything I do?¬† I guess if I decided that I was going to try and make a living doing what I do but what a struggle that would be!¬†¬†Whenever I have tried to make money doing something it has often turned into a negative thing.¬† I have very few positive experiences with making money for what I have made.¬† The only ways¬† it has been positive is when I do something for a gift or¬†someone has asked me¬†to make something and they provided¬†the financial support and or materials for me to do it.¬† I think making things and churning them out for profit would¬†be very¬†pretty empty for me.¬† Something else I’ve realized, like blogging here for example, as soon as I upload anything into this artificial collective consciousness, the internet, I give away any all the relevance of ownership in my opinion.¬† Anyone can save my pictures to their hard drive and “make them their own” as I’ve done with other artists work.

Why do¬†I create?¬† What is my motivation?¬† My motivation is most often¬†having the feeling I get by being close to God.¬† It feels good!¬† It’s like having a conversation without words and¬†it makes me feel complete inside.¬† Then, out of gratitude, I feel I have to¬†pass it all on to help somebody else like I do here in this blog.¬†¬† Isn’t this the way God, divinity….whatever your word for the energy¬†that propels you through this life supposed to be?¬† A power greater than ourselves that unconditionally loves and accepts us even if we make a drawing that looks like a child may have done it?¬†

Matthew 19:14 14Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

No one, no matter how hard they try can exactly replicate what I do.¬† Kind of like forgeries and copies….they will always be forgeries and copies but never the original work as it was first channeled through me.¬†¬†So I’m not¬†very worried about it anymore.¬†¬† I feel bad for people in this world who do get so hung up on ownership¬†versus staying in the flow of creation.¬† It¬†must be such a fight everyday to keep what they perceive belongs to them!¬† I would say this is especially true¬†for¬†anyone who makes a living on their image and¬†creative endeavors in any¬†profession.¬†¬†I wonder what¬†would happen if they just let go of that?

What has¬†come to me in meditations with the God of my understanding (I use the word God because it’s simpler) many times is nothing belongs to us but¬†perhaps one thing, the essence of who we are inside.¬† The energy ball, the soul,¬†part of our being that makes us uniquely¬†“us” no matter what outside forces may try to change it.¬† I imagine that when our bodies are¬†tired and must be¬†returned back to the earth,¬†we just move on and become something or someone else but we are not lost.¬† The unconditional, loving energy of existence makes sure we are never¬†truly lost.¬†¬† We just become something a little different but just the same.

These drawings I did yesterday were made for me and for someone else to enjoy and I hope you do:

U2 – Song For Someone (Directed by Matt Mahurin)

See more songs by U2


 Song for Someone

You got a face not spoiled by beauty
I have some scars from where I’ve been
You’ve got eyes that can see right through me
You‚Äôre not afraid of anything they’ve seen
I was told that I would feel nothing the first time
I don’t know how these cuts heal
But in you I found a rhyme

If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a dark
Now we shouldn’t doubt
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out

And this is a song
A song for someone
This is a song
A song for someone

You let me into a conversation
A conversation only we could make
You break and enter my imagination
Whatever’s in there
It’s yours to take
I was told I’d feel nothing the first time
You were slow to heal
But this could be the night

If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a dark
Within and without
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out

And this is a song
A song for someone
This is a song
This is a song for someone

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And I’m a long way
From your hill of Calvary
And I’m a long way
From where I was, where I need to be
If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a kiss
I stole from your mouth
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out

© Universal Music Publishing Group
For non-commercial use only.
Data From: LyricFind

28 April 2018 Drawings – The Air Is Alive

“I walked through the sky¬†with my hands today.¬† Little whispers and eyes the whole journey through.¬† All around me blurring, whirring, buzzing and fluttering¬†sounds of life.¬† A gentle waltz of nature in figure 8’s around my soul.”¬† – Jackie

(I live next to a busy road where the¬†sounds of loud vehicles and stuff make meditation and connection with nature more difficult.¬† I am working on trying to tune the noises I don’t want to hear out.¬† It can be difficult sometimes even with headphones on and music playing.¬† I try to remember that we are all different sorts of people trying to coexist on the same plane of existence.¬† Many individual dimensions (people and their personal way of living) overlaying each other.¬† For some people peace is having their music blasting loud while others, like myself, sometimes prefer complete silence.)

27 April 2018 Quest For Peace

Hello to you this morning. Time for some therapeutic writing! I am, as we used to call our dog Sam, “Grumpicus”¬†again this morning.¬†¬†Seems to be the way things are going for Kyle and I lately lol!

I don’t about you, but sometimes it just feels like I can’t take “one more thing.” Somehow, by the grace of a power greater than us, we manage! Thank goodness my husband and I don’t have many of the other issues that many American households face each day! Lately it seems life is so complicated and much more stressful than it should have to be!¬† For example just trying to¬†track down my blood tests for my doctor to make sure I don’t have toxic levels of Lithium in my blood. Everything got sorted out this morning but this is the third time we’ve been through this.¬†¬†This morning I went to put a new bottle of Windex in the car so we can keep our windows clean.¬† Well I noticed the back window, which has a tint sheet on it, was bubbling even more than the last time I looked.¬† It can make it unsafe for backing out when it’s like that.¬† Anyhew, I said f-it and pulled all the tinting out and boy did that stink!¬† Just one more thing!¬† Our¬†2014 Ford Fiesta has been a challenge ever since we bought it.¬†¬†We probably won’t buy another vehicle from Ford and can’t really afford to invest in another car at the moment.¬†¬†We found out this morning they are going to be discontinuing their smaller car lines anyways: https://www.msn.com/en-ca/autos/news/ford-to-discontinue-almost-all-its-cars-in-north-america/ar-AAwp0FY.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we had less bills to keep track of? One bill for the house, medical (to include pets), telephone/internet and car?¬†¬† I really wish there was a way to simplify my household finances.¬†¬†There are days I just feel so overwhelmed I don’t want to do anything!¬† Missing one thing can mean having to pay a penalty.¬† I haven’t been in the best frame of mind lately and neglected to¬†check my email.¬†¬†Because I didn’t check it,¬†I missed¬†a couple of credit card bill notices and ended up getting charged¬†a fine for it!

Sometimes I want to just go back to renting versus owning a home and car.¬† ¬†Kind of like what they used to do for military housing or whenever I rented an apartment.¬† It would make it so much easier for people who are in job professions that require them to be away a lot and move frequently.¬† In my opinion it would be helpful¬†for the handicapped, disabled and elderly to be able to keep up with their home maintenance responsibilities.¬†¬†When we first bought this house, there was a warranty with it.¬† If anything went wrong, we just had to call a number and¬†a company checked out by the warranty company would be sent out to do repairs etc.¬† Having this sort of system could potentially¬†create¬†jobs and help bring some accountability back into businesses that are typically contracted for home repair etc.¬†¬†Speaking from personal experience, it feels like you can’t even really¬†count on the Better Business Bureau (BBB)¬†when trying to find reputable companies to do work at our house.¬† We’ve used the BBB several times since moving here to Texas and we still had problems.¬†¬†We don’t feel like paying a service fee for a similar company, say Angie’s List, ¬†and probably run into the¬†same problems!

In the car arena, I¬†saw on the news this morning that there is something some companies are doing. They are charging¬†a subscription fee for cars.¬† You pay a fee and¬†don’t have to actually have to own the car. In this article the vehicles are pretty high end, $1,000 a month and a one time $500 activation is a bit steep but if you consider how much you pay in total to maintain a car and keep it insured, definitely an interesting idea! https://www.bizjournals.com/columbus/news/2018/04/25/dealer-adding-porsche-range-rover-more-luxury-to.html.

There was heart-warming news this morning from Korea.¬† They are really moving towards making peace between the two countries.¬† Speaking as a veteran,¬†this is what I want to see more of in this world!¬†¬†I watched some of Mr. Kim’s speech and got a really good feeling about things.¬† I want to believe this is a genuine move by both countries.¬† By their doing this, they are definitely leading by their¬†example.¬† Some may call me na√Įve, but I am so proud of North and South Korea right now! I said a prayer for these countries today and hope that this can be an example for the rest of the world – peace is possible!


North and South Korea Set Bold Goals: A Final Peace and No Nuclear Arms

Watching these two world leaders was just what I needed to see this morning. They are “being the change they want to see”, to paraphrase a quote Mahatma Gandhi said long ago. For the past couple of years,¬†I am having trouble finding peace within myself and my immediate world.¬†¬†Seeing these two men today is inspiration for me to not give up trying! We are talking peace between two entire countries which is epic when you consider how hard it can be to attain peace within your very own skin!¬†¬†¬†If I can find a way to bring that sort of peace between the two “countries” within myself, I think things will get better at my house.

I¬†think as a way to help myself get into a better frame of mind, I will be making some dog beds today out of old shower curtains and old pillows we have that the cats used to use. Not sure if I’ll sew things by hand or get out the sewing machine.

27 April 2018 – I am contemplating a sewing project today. My allergies have been acting up so it’s something I can do inside. I am going to use old cloth shower curtains.

19 April 2018 Elections Dilemma

Hello to you. It’s Thursday as I write to you in your where and when. Have you ever had a lot on your mind? Have you ever had a bunch of things you think you should¬†do but just can’t bring yourself to do any of the things you used to do? My current dilemma is voting in the upcoming elections in our town. I have seen signs around town telling me who is running for office, but I don’t know who these people are. There are a lot of issues I’m concerned about but don’t even know if my going to vote will have any impact. My husband¬†and I have voted before and just didn’t feel like our votes counted. I guess I’m experiencing a bit of apathy about things like this.¬† All of what I am sharing is from my own personal experience and so keep that in mind if you decide to read what I’ve written here!

There are several¬†major concerns for me.¬† They are¬†ongoing issues we’ve been dealing with as a community since my husband and I moved here back in 2009.¬†¬†We¬† have¬†tried to do something about many of these things but little has¬†changed.¬† Many of the issues are town has had to face¬†are so expensive, like the city water system, that it’s been a very slow walk to getting things dealt with.

Am I a bad¬†person if I¬†don’t choose to vote on 5 May 2018?

Well it¬†would make me a hypocrite of sorts. My husband and I have been hard on people in the past when they told us they weren’t going to vote.¬† For the 2016 election, my husband¬†and I went and voted. We each voted for we who we felt would best serve the country.¬† We prepared as best we could.¬† ¬†I voted for a candidate that was a 3rd party candidate.¬† My hope was¬†that if enough people would do so,¬†we would have the option¬†for future elections.¬† Unfortunately, my thought process didn’t¬†seem to make a difference.¬†¬† It seems, as is customary, ¬†most people¬†voted along party lines.

I feel like we need more choices….more options.¬† There is a quote I have read somewhere, ¬†by Mark Twain that says¬†“if voting truly mattered, they wouldn’t let us do it.” I guess it’s a darned if you, darned if you don’t kind of set of circumstances. If you don’t vote, you kind of give up the right to complain about the results but ironically….we still complain anyways regardless of how things go!

There is a part of the voting process I have a problem with,¬†the electoral college.¬† It feels like with this system in place,¬†the value of our votes¬†is somehow diminished.¬†¬†When my husband¬†and I lived in Delaware, it was primarily a Democratic state. We¬†registered as Democrats.¬† We voted in the 2008 election and felt like our vote mattered.¬† Now we live in Texas, which is primarily a Republican state. We are still registered Democrats.¬†¬†¬†Knowing what we do about the Electoral College, it felt like¬†our vote in the 2016 election was pretty much irrelevant.¬† It seems like, as I look back over the past couple of years, there is a divine plan at work.¬† For those of you who read my blog on a regular basis, you know that there has been a part of me wondering if this wasn’t some reverse psychology experiment to try to repair our damaged country.¬†¬† I want to believe positive changes are manifesting as I write today!

So what do I do for this upcoming local election¬†right?? ¬†Not vote and risk losing the option or vote and get a resentment? I’m just not sure yet what I will do.¬† My Mom, for the last elections in her town, and I’ve done this too, got ballots prior to the election.¬† She did this¬†so she could research what was up for voting before she went in and cast her ballot.¬† There doesn’t seem¬†to be an¬†easy, unbiased way to research candidates especially for local elections. Not everyone has easy access to¬†the internet. I don’t know if my town has ballots people can pick up to read and information about candidates. Sometimes I’ve seen stuff like this at the public library.¬† I wonder if they have ever considered mailing them out to all those in their water bill system?¬† We get both an electronic and paper copy of our bill now.¬† We¬†tried to pay online, but there is a¬†service fee and we chose not to participate.

I would like to see more diverse representation of life for our town. For one local election a few years ago, one of the candidates, a woman, actually walked around and came to our door to talk to us. We ended up voting for her but she lost to incumbents holding office. We had a lot of admiration for her being willing to actually take the time to talk to us in person so we could put a face with the name on the ballot. Right now, as it stands, I do not feel qualified to vote for our local election.   I have a lot of concerns I think a candidate should know about and hopefully address in their tenure in office.

I am concerned about our drinking water and personally concerned about living next to natural gas lines running along utility lines along a major road.¬† The soil in which the lines are running is expansive clay soil and next the lines are several electrical and internet lines.¬† I was very upset when they fracked the natural gas well in between our middle school and junior high school.¬† We had a gas leak a couple of years ago and didn’t find out about it until a neighbor who used gas in their house told us about it.¬† Why aren’t there sensors all along the lines or are there?¬† Are they being monitored so if something goes wrong people are¬†directly notified?¬†¬†If not, why not?!¬† We have natural gas lines running all through our town and it really kind of scares me.¬† I’ve written about the issues we’ve had since we moved here many times.¬† I have deleted many posts just because it seemed like a moot point because it just keeps happening.¬† I feel bad for the person running our town, heck our state.¬† It must be very difficult¬†to¬†be responsible for managing something like a city, state or country.¬† So much¬†money is required to maintain what seems to be a crumbling¬†infrastructure.¬† For our town, a lot of those repairs are chronic and¬†homeowners like myself end up paying¬†more than once for what¬†it takes to extract energy from the earth.¬† We have spent thousands of dollars on our home and all the repairs we’ve had to make are not covered by our home owners insurance.¬†¬†I know with all energy systems there is¬†risk, but natural gas is particularly scary for me.¬†¬†Even though we don’t choose to use it in our home, we are still subjected to the risks our neighbors incur by choosing to¬†use it in their homes and businesses.

We are getting a¬†new subdivision down the street when we have so many other pre-existing things going on that are not be addressed it seems. The other day I was using a pot of tap water with some essential oil in it and it cooked all the way down. There was a white powder residue at the bottom of the pot! I have seen this same white powder on my soaker hose that we use to water the grass and that’s part of the reason we don’t drink tap water in our town.¬† We reported the problem to the city and they came out to investigate.¬† They told us just to run the lines to clear it which didn’t make sense to me.¬†¬†¬† We have had reoccurring problems with regards to drinking water ever since we first moved here.¬† I have a health condition and have to take medication as do many other people in our area.¬† There are many families with elderly and young children.¬† I hope the water is safe.¬†¬† Personally I would like to be able to trust the tap water and stop having to feel like I need to buy water in plastic containers from the local grocery store.

I hope that whomever is elected will ensure¬†each department has enough staff.¬† A couple of years ago, prior to the contract being approved for¬†the subdivision near completion down the street, ¬†I warned the city¬†that they needed to make sure we had adequate¬†resources¬†for growth. Just the traffic alone is a concern.¬† With 120 units going in, ¬†with a minimum of 2 cars per house, that’s about 240 additional cars being added to the traffic on North Cummings.¬†¬†There are currently only¬†two ways out of the subdivision and in the event of an emergency, this could prove to be a hardship for the families living there now.¬†¬†I think the city¬†still has the option,¬†to create another exit point.¬† I have been told¬†the RV Park owns the property that would be required to make another exit point for the neighborhood.

I hope¬†the people who plan to run the town are going to make sure we have the dog park that¬†we were told by other citizens was promised some¬†15 or 20 years ago.¬† A lot of people have¬†dogs in our town.¬†¬†I have tried to participate in local politics.¬† I¬†served on the Planning and Zoning Committee,¬†the Parks board and my husband and I used¬†to attend City Council¬†meetings.¬† We stopped having anything to do with most things going on in town¬†after what happened with the¬†subdivision process.¬† I was pretty hurt about it.¬† I went before the council and spoke for probably 15 minutes with my Mom, my husband and another neighbor present.¬†¬†I didn’t feel¬†we were prepared for what adding so many more people to the town would mean and what I said didn’t seem to matter.¬† It was like they had already decided what they were going to do and just let me talk anyways.

Sigh….such is local politics and pretty much every layer on up to the White House in my opinion. It’s so complex and so hard to find a middle ground for just about anything it seems. I am going to be praying about what I should do and do a little research to see if there is anything on the City web page about the election: http://www.cityofalvarado.org/.

I hope something here is helpful to someone out there.¬†¬†I’m not trying to put a stick in the hive.¬† I am¬†just sharing my own personal experience with the voting process from a perspective at the lowest level and I hope it’s helpful.¬†¬† Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself what you would do if you were in similar circumstances.¬† You can decide to do nothing or to at least try to speak up.¬† Writing is pretty much the only way I have found for myself that I can try to make any sort of difference for hopefully the better.

26 Aug 2016 – I wrote this in my pink spirit book while waiting to get a military identification card and it seems appropriate to share with all this:

We choose our anger

We choose which

Direction we look

We choose our hallowed ground

Our battlegrounds

For war or peace

Each space between an action

A thought unspent

A choice

A promise kept

It’s so easy to choose

A reflex….a flash

Buying a way out

With someone else’s cash

Whichever direction

We choose to fill the space

In between thought and deed

We best avoid reliance

On the currency

Of greed……


18 April 2018 Difficulty in rising above obstacles in my own life

Hello to you.¬† I hope this finds you doing well today.¬† I’m doing ok but a little frustrated with my life at the moment.¬†¬†I think my biggest frustration at the moment is my medical situation and the mail system in regards to my personal life.¬† I am having to practice mind over matter a lot lately to not let myself get pulled down by forces outside of myself.¬† I am having to, almost every minute of the day, rise above obstacles that are put in front of me by other well meaning individuals.¬†¬† I have family and friends who like to write me letters and it’s very thoughtful¬†but makes me feel obligated to write them back even when I am not wanting to do so.¬† In the past letter writing was effortless for me but now I find myself suspicious of everyone and everything.¬† I am having severe trust issues with even those, who in the past, were close to me.

With my being on yet another new medication,¬†this isn’t helping me trust most anyone at this time.¬†¬†I have been feeling like a prisoner or a hostage in my own home.¬† I don’t have¬†much of a say of what my daily activities are and this doesn’t help me feel any better either.¬† This makes¬†me feel like a child and I’m 50 years old!¬†¬†I am 50 years old in years but inside I have always been much younger.¬† My way of being can make people feel very protective of me and this is increasingly a source of frustration at the moment.¬†¬† The only way for them to contact me, they have found in the past, is through letters.¬†I can’t stand talking on the phone, have stopped using any social media and ¬†that is frustrating for people wanting to stay in touch with me who use those modalities for communication.¬† I currently have a stack of unread letters that I will read, ¬†but as it stands at the moment, do not want to respond to.¬† Will the people writing take personal offense to my not wanting to write them back?¬† Hard to say.¬† I am not famous or in any political office, but I can imagine what I am dealing with¬†is much the same for them at times.¬† I have written one fan letter in my entire life and I received a response but I am not even sure, at this point, who it was actually from.¬†¬†I¬†shared here about receiving the letter but deleted the post for concern of my own safety and their privacy.¬† It feels like every single thing I do is wrong sometimes.¬† After I received the response I thought was from them, I tried to send another note, it was¬†a Christmas card.¬†¬†I sent the Christmas card¬†as a courtesy to the¬†same¬†person.¬† The¬†first letter was sent to them during a time they were going through a crisis and I wanted to help.¬† ¬†I wrote to and it was returned¬†on the same day I found out David Bowie had died….it was devastating for me to have that happen.¬†¬† I still have both notes but sometimes wonder if I should even keep them.

I am running into a quandary about letters and if I should keep them.¬† They are part of the history that oftentimes gets lost.¬† Little people like me, my family and friends get lost in time if we just throw everything away but I¬†am¬†just¬†so overwhelmed.¬† I don’t want to end up buried with papers all over the place of stuff I just don’t know what to do with!¬† I am not a hoarder and do not like to keep everything.¬† Oh to have a professional archivist at my disposal!¬† I have boxes and boxes of negatives that need to be processed and no clue what to do with¬†it all.¬† UGH!

May be this resonates with someone who might visit today.¬† In my sharing this I just want to let you know you aren’t alone.¬† Sometimes life can seem like it’s closing in and the boundaries of it are very small but there is one space no one can take….the spirit.¬† I firmly believe that no matter what life hands me, my spirit energy is connected with the God of my understanding.¬† The God of my understanding remains¬†the Source of all creation to include nature.¬† Everything I am and ever could hope to¬†be is by the grace of this amazing Source of energy.¬† Whenever I feel like I am being torn¬†down, beaten up, and about to give up, the Source will tap me with something as fine as a¬†blade of grass to my face to encourage me to get¬†back on my feet.¬† I don’t expect anyone else to subscribe to this belief system, but may be something will resonate and encourage you, if you have fallen down, to get back up.

There is a song that a¬†counselor¬†at a hospital I once stayed at who introduced me to, “Fear” by Blue October.¬† It helped me so much.¬†¬†After I got out of the hospital I found¬†out they had more songs and one of them is called “Home.”¬† Thinking about this song reminds me of how grateful I am¬†for music¬†of all kinds.¬†¬†Music¬†has¬†been a source of great strength¬†for me most of my life along with spirituality.

Some time ago I shared information about a non-profit organization¬†called Music and Memory.¬† I believe in my heart, based on my own experience, that indeed these folks may be on to something.¬† It’s¬†wonderful to imagine¬†people¬†getting¬†a device with music and their being able to come to life inside.¬†¬† Just singing to someone, without a device, could help too I think.¬† Like when children and groups go to hospices, hospitals and rehabilitation centers and perform¬†for the residents and clients there.¬†¬†If you are interested in learning more about Music and Memory, they have a web site and they also have¬†videos¬†on YouTube.¬† We have donated to them as part of¬†our Christmas¬†gifts exchange before instead of actual Christmas gifts.

We all fall down and I believe that God, or whatever name you would personally use for the God of your understanding, wants us to get back up and help each other walk again.  May be someday, my dream of a life without having the labels others put on me will actually be possible.  I hope something here resonates with you and helps you.

17 April 2018 Edits and ideas about the future I would like to see

Hello to you.¬† I hope that wherever and whenever this finds you that you are having a good day.¬† This¬†phrase where and when comes from watching a scientist named Mehran Tavakoli Keshe¬†of the Keshe Spaceship Institute.¬† Ever since I started to try to follow his work back in October of 2016 I think it was, I have planted a seed in my heart for his work.¬†¬† It was so exciting to see what he and all the wonderful people also inspired, are trying to do with the technology he is sharing.¬† He inspired me to try more experimenting in my kitchen!¬† Seeing and hearing what he was proposing made me think of the visionary Gene Roddenberry of Star Trek.¬†¬†When I was in the United States Air Force, my dream was for their to be a purple force.¬† I talked about this with many people I worked with.¬† My vision was for all branches of the armed forces to unify for one mission of peace.¬† I would love to see people, if they wanted to, to be able to join with others to go to regions of the world and be goodwill ambassadors of peace-making.¬† I would love for them to be able to hug people, help people get on their feet again and not have to worry about their well-being or safety.¬† It¬†is a utopian view I know….probably even childish in a way but that¬†is my way of thinking.¬† Not everyone would necessarily share my point of view¬†especially if they have been on the receiving end of unfair activities.¬† It is not my place to say….”above my pay-grade.”

I wanted to recommend to anyone who regularly reads my writing here of the many, sometimes, severe edits to the blog.¬† I have deleted countless pictures, my art and words out of concern for others.¬† My original intention at starting this blog was to write for myself like a journal and it has become much more than that.¬† I have censored myself and part of this is because I would take some time after I wrote something and realize¬†I didn’t have all the facts or was writing about things I didn’t know everything about.¬† I only had my perception or view and my sources were from the internet which aren’t always reliable.¬† Even the sources I thought I could count on seemed to have faults with them or someone would say or write something to discredit them like snopes.com.

Ironically, it is from President Trump and his proposal of “fake news” that I started to question even myself but this isn’t a bad thing.¬† Not everyone would agree with me.¬† I decided some time ago, after disputes about his Presidency were creating rifts¬†between my family and friends, that possibly our parents¬†knew something I didn’t.¬† I started to think about him differently, like a “Trump” card.¬† I began to wonder if he was¬†actually trying to help us in the opposite way we might expect.¬† I wondered if¬†everything he and other world leaders were doing was their way of attempting to¬†fix this mess we have been in without our even realizing it.¬† I began to wonder if¬†he might actually become of the greatest presidents we’ve ever had and I say that not knowing if he was conscious of his behavior.¬† I decided that I would change my perception of him like I have done for anyone I have come to know in world history, to include¬† Adolf Hitler.¬† What I came to understand, for myself, a long time ago is that based on my life, who am I to judge anyone?¬† I don’t believe anyone is perfect¬†and I don’t believe perfection even exists.¬† Someone once said, there is perfection in imperfection and I believe that.¬† This is just me and my opinion.¬† Everyone has their own opinion and personal perspective on this life and I respect that.¬† Sometimes it’s hard to get many “passionate” perspectives to communicate but I believe it is possible if we find a way to agree on what we have in common.¬† This is a good place to start and many very smart people have shown me this by their example.

I am nattering on as my friend Les often says of herself in her letters lol.¬† I hear my neighbor cutting their lawn at the moment and my back yard is very high but I wouldn’t be embarrassed if anyone saw it.¬† I don’t choose to cut my yard anymore for more than just not having a lawn mower (we tried an electric/corded mower and it didn’t work out).¬† I worry about all those I harm when I cut the lawn.¬† I have wounded crickets and other beings by mowing and those wounded have come to me while I’m in the backyard.¬† We became “friends” and I started to realize the connection between us and nature through these wounded insect warriors.¬† If you look at life at each level, it’s all the same but just a little different.¬† So I try to do the least amount of yard work that I have to so as not to harm anyone.¬† I could hire people to take care of the yard etc., but I know they aren’t like me.¬† I keep the front yard to “city” standards (like military standards) but don’t like doing it anymore.¬† I used to cut the lawn and not care about the other lifeforms but once I started to care about them, to include all the trees trying to make new families, my entire perspective changed.

Some of my greatest teachers are like the cottonwood tree in my neighbor’s yard that was struck by lightning instead of our house.¬† They let their offspring, seeds, go and sometimes they land on fertile soil and sometimes they land at my back porch or in my HVAC unit.¬† During an outside ¬†meditation I had some time ago, ¬†I started to think of what these trees do.¬† I began to think of¬†symbiosis and¬† how life on this planet may have started.¬† There is a nature photographer, his name escapes me but I shared his work here before, that inspired me to think of nature in this way.¬† This is ONLY A THEORY not a fact!¬† Here is a post I wrote about this some time ago: https://saymber.com/2015/05/07/7-may-2015-in-the-beginning-there-was-symbiosis/.¬†¬† I am providing the link but will have to edit this.

5 Feb 2017 – I did this yesterday and it was very therapeutic drawing so many little boxes to form a Pecan Tree ūüôā

Sometimes I link articles and items of interest to me¬†from other places to give my sources.¬† I don’t always know if I have permission to share what is on the internet here.¬† I will be doing less of that in the future.¬†¬†If anyone should come across something I’ve linked and or shared and you would like it removed, please let me know in the comments section of this blog.¬† In order to make comments, I think, but am not sure, you must have an account.