15 March 2023 Belonging

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I’m just home from joining my Aunt and Uncle at Golden Corral in Nampa ID and members of their life group from church (Grace Bible Church Nampa). I never eat my moneys worth at buffet restaurants but it was nice and the food was decent. I quit eating when I was full which can be hard at such a place with its endless supply for you to gorge yourself on!

It was nice to meet some more people – all older than me. Most of the people my age are still working so I don’t see them except like Tuesday’s Women’s Bible study I’ve been going to and church services when I go. I am wanting to have a sense of belonging and my Aunt tries to help me with that. It doesn’t help that I get tired so easily – the Mal de barque syndrome – all my movements are exaggerated and I feel like I’m lugging around so much extra weight ( which I am!) I feel so out of shape and sluggish. Even after a month using the Steve Harvey drink powder (L’elevate you) I still don’t feel much different.

16 February 2022 Wednesday

Check out 16 February 2022 Wednesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1300060243

Hello to you. How are you. I hope this finds you well. Today has been a day about choices. This morning I had an appointment with my therapist in her new office and I had never driven there before. Well my GPS on my phone let me down and I ended up making wrong turns more than once! So frustrating! By the time I got there I was frazzled. I just felt so out of it and that’s due to my taking 100 mg of Hydroxyzine last night in order to sleep!

Tomorrow I hope to talk to my doctor about sleep options. I’m supposed to be taking the Hydroxyzine for anxiety not sleep! When I went to the grocery store today I looked at over the counter sleep aides but just am not sure about taking those while taking lithium.

My therapist and I talked about how when your mind and body aren’t acting like they should that it’s harder to make good choices. I have been feeling like my body is betraying me lately. In the past when my body hurt I was able to heal and move on. Now the pains show up out of nowhere and they last longer. I know, “welcome to getting old!” I’m trying to make good choices- lean on my faith in God. Some days it doesn’t feel like God is listening or cares.

“Knowing I will feel however I decide to feel today fills me with hope and enthusiasm.” (A Woman’s Spirit )

13 February 2022 Birthday

Check out 13 February 2022 Sunday morning birthday stream https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1296945099

Hello there how are you? Today is my 54th birthday…..it still is a shock sometimes that I’m over 50! In a little while I’m meeting my Aunt for church which will be really nice. Later this afternoon my family is getting together to celebrate both my cousin and my birthday and watch football.

I wish today was completely happy but it’s not. I found out yesterday that not all is well with my parents right now. My Mom is having to have steroid injections for pain in her hips and my Dad has had a couple falls and he fractured his hip and will need surgery. I am feeling really powerless about it. This kind of stuff is what I’ve been talking about that happens and you have to choose how your going to deal with it. Shit is going to happen in this life in varying degrees and you have to go within and draw strength from your spirit to walk through it. There is no other way but through! I hate that my parents are having these health issues! They were supposed to be able to enjoy their retirement! I have to let God on this.

If you pray or meditate could you please think of my parents Larry and Dianne. Thank you!

“Our inner journey is a transformative process. It involves becoming who we already are in essence and letting go of the phony in favor of the authentic self.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

2 December 2021 Evening

Hi there! How has your day been? Good I hope! I’m starting to get in the habit of writing in the evening. It’s helping me get through these long nights. It’s starting to get darker like at 5 pm and that’s a long time til bed time! Do you have trouble with this time of the year?

I got my first Christmas card today! Glad I bought a couple cards last grocery trip. It was from my friend all the way back to my first duty station at Travis AFB CA. It’s so wonderful that he has stayed in touch all this time. There are so many people I miss that I worked with.

Today was an uneventful day…..what’s new right?! We did manage to push through and get out for a walk. My body sometimes puts up so much resistance to doing things. Lately my upper legs really have been hurting when I stand up…..getting older sucks!! The body aches in places it never used to, skin tags and other bumps on the skin, dry skin, dry mouth and brain fog. I can remember stuff but it comes out of my mouth wrong – not as sharp and clear as things once were! I’m at a weird time in my life ! No use in complaining though ….just makes it worse!

“Remember the blessings more than just a few….praise for the sunrise each day born anew. Praise for waking two feet to reach the floor….praise to embrace the adventures just beyond the front door.”