Tag: getting older

26 May 2026 Forever

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. It’s about bedtime as I write to you. I’m not tired yet and know if I try to sleep right now I will just toss and turn. So I will write to you and may be I will get tired!

I was sitting here thinking on what to write about and the word forever popped in. What is forever? As a Christian forever is what happens to us when we die. We die to our physical body and join Jesus and all of our loved ones in heaven for all of eternity – forever. I often wonder what that will be like. For me now I am flesh and bones with my eyes paying attention to my time left here on earth.

I told my therapist this last session that I can feel at times like I am starting to die. My physical health is not as good as it was just a couple years ago. All around me are people my age and younger dying. What makes me so special that I get to live? I have survived many things that take its toll on the body. Facing the end of my second marriage because of my own fault and little that was his really shattered me. Thank God for my family and friends that came to my pleas for help.

Dear Jesus I come before you with my broken self and ask for you to walk with me through what remains of my life here on earth. I love you so much. Thank you for all the earth angels you have put along my journey! Bless those who are like me on this journey. Bless all who are seeking you and may be just are a little lost. Amen.

This song has been with me for many years now. Like Enigma, there is a timelessness to this band:

https://youtu.be/ett1ZgFKw-Y?si=-ks-opUm3ZuUqD79 – Mind in a box – Escape

I awakened in the city to utter darkness.
I was running for hours and hours
through deserted streets.
between all those towers,
there was only rain — only the rain.

I went through doors, I scoured the alleys.
in the rain I climbed ridges.
I walked over bridges, but there was no one there.
I felt deaf, although my hearing was fair.

but there was only silence.
not even the rain…

there must be more.
I need you to quell my fears.
I’ve felt it before.
I need you to shed my tears.

the things I adore.
I need you to feel my pain.
I’m trapped like before.
I need you to stop the rain.

I’ve cast myself into a prison,
with bonds near impossible to break.
I thought my life is built on reason,
but now I know I’ve got to escape.

I’ve depraved myself of all I had,
and thought I need to for my own sake.
I didn’t think I would be so sad,
but without you I cannot escape.
not even the rain…

deep in my heart,
I want you to pull me back.
I’ve kept us apart,
I want you to fix my wreck.

awake with a start,
I want you to enter my mind.
to re-cast my part,
I want you to follow me blind.

I’ve cast myself into a prison,
with bonds near impossible to break.
I thought my life is built on reason,
but now I know I’ve got to escape.

I’ve depraved myself of all I had,
and thought I need to for my own sake.
I didn’t think I would be so sad,
but without you I cannot escape.

escape, it’s not there!
not even the rain…

6 May 2023 Walking

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you this day- it’s Saturday here. I’m here with Link. We got out for a walk together. I cherish these moments as he is getting older and just doesn’t always feel up to walking. I’m only 55 and feel that way! Walking is something so many of us take for granted until we are unable to for whatever reason. I have family that have had knee and hip surgeries because those parts of their bodies have just worn out. Even after the surgeries there is still pain. The longer we live, the longer our bodies have to be able to carry us. Stuff like joints just wear out! Our bodies are like cars – depreciate in condition the moment we leave the show room floor!

Link out for his morning walk

Mark 6:49-50 NIV

But when they saw him walking on the lake, they thought he was a ghost. They cried out, because they all saw him and were terrified. Immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

15 March 2023 Belonging

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I’m just home from joining my Aunt and Uncle at Golden Corral in Nampa ID and members of their life group from church (Grace Bible Church Nampa). I never eat my moneys worth at buffet restaurants but it was nice and the food was decent. I quit eating when I was full which can be hard at such a place with its endless supply for you to gorge yourself on!

It was nice to meet some more people – all older than me. Most of the people my age are still working so I don’t see them except like Tuesday’s Women’s Bible study I’ve been going to and church services when I go. I am wanting to have a sense of belonging and my Aunt tries to help me with that. It doesn’t help that I get tired so easily – the Mal de barque syndrome – all my movements are exaggerated and I feel like I’m lugging around so much extra weight ( which I am!) I feel so out of shape and sluggish. Even after a month using the Steve Harvey drink powder (L’elevate you) I still don’t feel much different.

16 February 2022 Wednesday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 16 February 2022 Wednesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1300060243

Hello to you. How are you. I hope this finds you well. Today has been a day about choices. This morning I had an appointment with my therapist in her new office and I had never driven there before. Well my GPS on my phone let me down and I ended up making wrong turns more than once! So frustrating! By the time I got there I was frazzled. I just felt so out of it and that’s due to my taking 100 mg of Hydroxyzine last night in order to sleep!

Tomorrow I hope to talk to my doctor about sleep options. I’m supposed to be taking the Hydroxyzine for anxiety not sleep! When I went to the grocery store today I looked at over the counter sleep aides but just am not sure about taking those while taking lithium.

My therapist and I talked about how when your mind and body aren’t acting like they should that it’s harder to make good choices. I have been feeling like my body is betraying me lately. In the past when my body hurt I was able to heal and move on. Now the pains show up out of nowhere and they last longer. I know, “welcome to getting old!” I’m trying to make good choices- lean on my faith in God. Some days it doesn’t feel like God is listening or cares.

“Knowing I will feel however I decide to feel today fills me with hope and enthusiasm.” (A Woman’s Spirit )

13 February 2022 Birthday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 13 February 2022 Sunday morning birthday stream https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1296945099

Hello there how are you? Today is my 54th birthday…..it still is a shock sometimes that I’m over 50! In a little while I’m meeting my Aunt for church which will be really nice. Later this afternoon my family is getting together to celebrate both my cousin and my birthday and watch football.

I wish today was completely happy but it’s not. I found out yesterday that not all is well with my parents right now. My Mom is having to have steroid injections for pain in her hips and my Dad has had a couple falls and he fractured his hip and will need surgery. I am feeling really powerless about it. This kind of stuff is what I’ve been talking about that happens and you have to choose how your going to deal with it. Shit is going to happen in this life in varying degrees and you have to go within and draw strength from your spirit to walk through it. There is no other way but through! I hate that my parents are having these health issues! They were supposed to be able to enjoy their retirement! I have to let God on this.

If you pray or meditate could you please think of my parents Larry and Dianne. Thank you!

“Our inner journey is a transformative process. It involves becoming who we already are in essence and letting go of the phony in favor of the authentic self.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

2 December 2021 Evening

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi there! How has your day been? Good I hope! I’m starting to get in the habit of writing in the evening. It’s helping me get through these long nights. It’s starting to get darker like at 5 pm and that’s a long time til bed time! Do you have trouble with this time of the year?

I got my first Christmas card today! Glad I bought a couple cards last grocery trip. It was from my friend all the way back to my first duty station at Travis AFB CA. It’s so wonderful that he has stayed in touch all this time. There are so many people I miss that I worked with.

Today was an uneventful day…..what’s new right?! We did manage to push through and get out for a walk. My body sometimes puts up so much resistance to doing things. Lately my upper legs really have been hurting when I stand up…..getting older sucks!! The body aches in places it never used to, skin tags and other bumps on the skin, dry skin, dry mouth and brain fog. I can remember stuff but it comes out of my mouth wrong – not as sharp and clear as things once were! I’m at a weird time in my life ! No use in complaining though ….just makes it worse!

“Remember the blessings more than just a few….praise for the sunrise each day born anew. Praise for waking two feet to reach the floor….praise to embrace the adventures just beyond the front door.”