26 January 2022 Wednesday

Hello to you. How are you? I’m up really early after another battle with sleep and anxiety. This too shall pass. It always does.

The eye appointment went well yesterday. I had them take a picture of my eyes and they are looking good. Just needed a tuneup for distance vision! I walked over to the clinic and back. There was another stream I passed with some really hardy ducks but they swam away too fast for me to get a picture of them.

Very cold water the ducks were swimming in

Not much planned for today other than talking to my therapist this morning and may be getting groceries. As I write to you I’m in bed with Link and a warm blanket. A part of me wants to try and go back to sleep. Do you ever feel like just hibernating until spring?

“Right now I am at peace. All the tremors and quakes that shake me will cease. In the loving presence of the Spirit I am surrounded with warmth and security. “

25 January 2022 Feeling Better

Check out 25 January 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1275516113

Good morning from here. How are you? I hope your feeling well today. I’m finally starting to feel better after almost 4 weeks. The Hydroxyzine has been helping to take the edge off of the anxiety that has been accompanying whatever I’ve been going through. Another thing I have been doing is live streaming on Twitch and that has been helpful. Sometimes interesting people show up to visit with.

A lot has been trying to enter into my space lately

In a bit I have an eye appointment hopefully everything will check out ok . It’s been a couple years since I have been in for an exam. What’s nice is the clinic is within walking distance which will be good for me!

“These days are rolling like thunder….pulling me up and pulling me under. I seek the level horizon a warmth I can feel. A safe warm place where I can heal.”

22 January 2022 Saturday

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello to you. How are you? It’s another sunny morning and I’m digging it! This morning when I was doing my Twitch stream it felt so good on my face!

It felt good to draw this morning

On the stream this morning I read from the Big Book and specifically Chapter 5 How It Works which is where you find the 12 Steps of the AA program. Being a part of AA not only helped me deal with alcohol but other addictions I was facing in my life. One of those addictions was shopping for jewelry – a very expensive habit! Another was compulsively picking at my skin. What I discovered with the programs help is I was doing things, using things to self medicate bigger underlying problems. Acknowledging I had become powerless over my own life was one of those important steps I took. For the blessing of recovery it’s important to continue to pay it forward!

I have a fair amount of traffic on my recorded streams which gives me the opportunity to help others while I’m helping myself. It’s been my experience that we don’t go through things for no reason be it good or not so good. When I stream when I’m having trouble it’s my hope that something about what I’m going through will help somebody else. It’s the same hope I’ve always had for my blog. I hope something I’m sharing will resonate. Something will be a message someone needs to hear in that moment. We are all messengers for someone!!

The past couple days I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety – just being uncomfortable in my body. One of the things I do to help myself now is I start a Twitch livestream and just walk and talk in my house. I used to have family and friends I would call and just go for a walk but I don’t really have that anymore. So I am having to soothe myself and using Twitch is helping me do that. It helps me with my chronic loneliness too. I’m not exactly sure what the trigger is for the anxiety but it kind of comes out of nowhere and just washed over me! I’m just glad I have a tool to help me feel better. Usually someone gets on after awhile and I have someone to visit with which helps too.

19 January 2022 Wednesday

Hello to you. How are you? Today has started out pretty good. Had a good stream talking about issues associated with mania and fear. Both require self soothing. It’s important to learn how to be your own mom sometimes! “Everything is going to be ok. This will pass, it always does.” I had a viewer from Germany talking about it taking 2.5 years to see a psychotherapist!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Today is my youngest cousins birthday! Hard to believe it’s been another year!

Today I have been feeling some anxiety but listening to Astravert is helping: Check out Wednesday Friends | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert

It’s another day of inversion here – gray! I’m trying to keep my spirits up. My cousin and I talked about this weather just being a time of rest. The rest of the year always goes so fast that we need a time to slow down. Sometimes I need a reminder!

My therapist and I were talking about how much is enough when it comes to doing things. She brought up a good point that if you are making the world a better place that can be enough! Sometimes we can get really obsessed with being productive.

16 January 2022 Sunday

Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing ok. Last night was kind of rough. Ended up taking a whole Hydroxyzine in order to relax enough to fall asleep. Talked to a friend and she helped me too. She’s a “Jackie Whisperer!”

Check out 16 January 2022 Sunday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1265651990

This morning it’s gray and overcast. Listening to Astravert and trying to wake up: Check out Sundae Jammeroni! | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert

Thinking about going to church this morning. The only thing that sucks is having to scrape the car and warm it up! Honestly I don’t really like going to church by myself but it’s a place I can go to be around other people. Gets me out of the house!

A lot of movement today

15 January 2022 Saturday Morning

Hello. How are you? It’s really early as I write to you. When I wake up early I don’t know what to do with the darkness!

I found this website this morning and found some comfort : https://www.southernliving.com/culture/comforting-bible-verses – 50 Bible Verses of Comfort and Strength

Check out 15 January 2022 Early Morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1264424008

I ended up streaming for a couple hours with people from all over the world – Russia, Australia, Seattle and India. I learned about a pancake like food called blini in Russia. The man from Australia was in Singapore but his family moved them so they would have a more relaxed life. He really is happy there. Anyhew its so nice to have people to visit with this morning. It really helped. What happened is one of the things I like about Twitch.

Yesterday I visited with my Aunt and Uncle and that was nice. We had some butter bean soup and cornbread. I got to try out one of their new pieces of furniture – so comfortable! Link and Smokey got to play a bit. Link gets a little rough so we had to break them up for a bit!

Still having “stuff” going on my head – drainage. We are going on 2 weeks with this crud! I keep having this light headed uncomfortable feeling. I’m really starting to wonder if there is something going on in the air. I just want to feel normal again – solid in my head. Hopefully soon.

I hope you have a great day!

12 January 2022 Asking

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello to you how are you in your today? I hope we’ll. This morning I had to ask for a little extra help….mornings are just rough. I asked the Holy Spirit to be with me and after I asked I truly felt his presence. I felt a warmth emanating from my chest. Like I was saying on my Twitch stream yesterday – the Holy Spirit is real and you can have a personal relationship you just have to ask.

I’ve really been using Twitch lately as a tool to help myself help others. It’s kind of like chairing an AA meeting of one (sometimes) and sharing your experience, strength and hope. For a long time I’ve felt that even if I reach one person, even if it’s just myself sometimes then I’ve done well. A lot of times I get on to stream and there is only one viewer! Lately there have been a couple views on the videos after I do them which means a lot. I noticed that Twitch only keeps a couple weeks worth of videos.

The Holy Spirit is for real! Music helps so much! Thinking of Twitchers Jayne Rio , Astravert and New Baroque

Embrace the day – it was made just for you

11 January 2022 Finding Ways To Soothe Yourself

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello. How are you ? I’m doing better this morning – yesterday was really rough. I kept having panic attacks. I did a lot to try and soothe myself. I prayed, I went for several walks, blogged with a drawing, vlogged on Twitch a couple of times, even found a streamer that was streaming playing World of Warcraft. When evening rolled around I was starting to feel better. Talking to my cousin and a friend helped too.

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and my medicine doctor on Thursday in person. The Zyprexa that is for anti-anxiety isn’t working for me. It has the opposite effect! This morning after I took lithium it seemed to help avert another day like yesterday. We will get this figured out!

Like I was talking about in my Twitch post yesterday, sometimes the things I used to have in my sanity toolkit aren’t there anymore or don’t work like they used to. Life changes. People change. So I sometimes have to use everything! This morning I found a deal on sketchbooks so I ordered them – drawing is definitely a tool in my toolkit!

Layers and messages

Right now something that is soothing me is writing and listening to a musical artist I’ve mentioned before named Astravert – he’s streaming right now. He’s getting quite a following. I don’t know of anybody that does what he does – an improv mystic rock: Check out Tuesday Bluesday | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert

Something else that just soothed me was talking to my Aunt. She’s going to be having knee surgery on the 13th (I thought it was the 11th) and we both needed to have each other’s comfort and peace …to be instruments of Gods love for each other. Hearing her voice made my day brighter. I told her hearing her voice makes me feel at home.

I’m sorry if my post isn’t very cohesive today. Sharing all this with you in this way is helping me stay calm and centered. May be someone reading this will resonate with all this. Do you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? What works best for restoring you to you? I’d love to hear from you.

1 December 2021 Morning

Check out Morning coffee with Jackie 1 December 2021 https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1221118106

Good morning to you from here I hope this finds you well. How are you?

A lot going on in my drawing today. There is a plan unfolding I just have to keep taking the next steps! Metatron’s cube is large and in charge.

Not sure what the plan is for today. I managed to navigate my way through Ridleys this morning and got groceries. I miss having Kyle go and get them. He was such a great shopper. I picked up some Christmas cards so I could work on those we shall see!

“Everywhere I go I hope to see you. So many faces in new places. I look at each one and find only pieces of you.”

I had to do a couple takes on the video today. It’s all impromptu….hopefully if you can watch it there will be something for you. Sometimes it’s nice to have company.

30 November 2021 Evening

Evening here in Middleton ID

Hi there! How are you? It’s 6:23 pm here as I write to you. It’s dark and Link and I are cuddling on the couch. I’m watching streams on Twitch – Infoxczar is a magic channel pretty cool. I don’t do magic on my channel May be I should learn lol! It’s fun to see live entertainment….Jack is fun.

Today my Aunt talked to me about her friends daughter who is bipolar. She apparently is refusing medication and is paranoid as hell. Her parents are living in a 55 plus community and they have been letting her live with them . Neither she or them have anyplace to go if the property owner decided to evict them. Apparently the girl keeps calling the cops. Speaking as a bipolar, what this family is going through is so tough! One of the hardest aspects of loving someone with this condition is keeping them on their medications.

Just found out my cousins daughter is going in for an emergency hysterectomy tomorrow ! I can remember getting mine and it took some time to heal. I was stupid. Your not supposed to do any heavy lifting and my ex and I tried carrying a small couch home from a furniture store up the street from where we were living. I pray everything goes well for her. She has diabetes so there is that to consider with the surgery.

The friend I just reconnected with recently lost her mom to Alzheimer’s and dementia in October. She’s really struggling with it while being a wonderful mom, wife and student. The holidays will be rough for her. She is strong in her faith in God and that is helping her walk through her grief.

People have stuff going on!! It seems like as soon as one hurdle is put in front of us another equal or more challenging hurdle is put in its place! I’m kind of in the in between place right now. I had a lot of “stuff” happen all within a short period of time. Love conquers the deepest darkness. I am so grateful to love and be loved. The fall I took could have been so much harder.

If you pray could you pray for the people I have mentioned here? For privacy reasons I don’t want to put their names here. I hope everything goes ok for all of them !

Thank you for spending some time with me here.