Hello to you. How are you? I am feeling anxious today. I’m planning on spending the day with my Aunt after I get my laundry done. Feeling bad for the people of Israel and all that is going on over there. The world I’m living in is so surreal right now!
My favorite past time that I have held on to over all that I’ve been through is writing. Everything else I used to do – drawing, painting and crocheting has all but shut down. Being on the medication I am on really has closed my creative juices off. Honestly I would rather not be manic and have my life in control than be out of touch with reality.
Psalm 122:6-9New International Version
6 Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: “May those who love you be secure. 7 May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels.” 8 For the sake of my family and friends, I will say, “Peace be within you.” 9 For the sake of the house of the Lordour God, I will seek your prosperity.
Hello to you. I am posting a little late. I didn’t get to church this morning as I had trouble sleeping last night. I’m still working on sleeping and being awake. The medication I take before bed is suppose to help me sleep but so far it’s not really doing that! I try to go to bed around 9 pm and am still awake at 2 or 3 am!
Todays prompt is a timely one. I don’t get energy just from food. I get energy from positive people, places and things like music. I suppose you could say it’s a bit of being an energy vampire and an empath. I have been this way much of my life. I think we all are energy vampires- energy beings – in one way or another. We all survive consuming energy be it ambient or solid to live. It’s important to know boundaries and consent. I have been fed on before to the point I near fainted before. The woman that was feeding on me didn’t realize what she was doing and neither did I! I just knew I had to get away from her! I remember breaking out in s sweat and feeling weak.
2 Timothy 1:7New International Version
7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline
How am I feeling right now? I’m feeling ok. Trying to have a attitude of gratitude. Some days are harder than others to do that. I constantly have a weird pulling in my ears that makes me anxious. It’s very debilitating. I have some things I listen to on YouTube that help- Relax For Awhile with Joan and Jason Stephenson are my favorites.
Philippians 4:6 NIV – 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Hello to you – how are you? I’m just back from meeting with our church’s prayer team. I asked the members to pray for me. I am having problems with my new medication which causes anxiety. I tried to get in touch with my doctors nurse yesterday but was unsuccessful! I was able to get an appointment scheduled earlier which is good.
My morning boy Fruit tree This looks like a miniature peach My neighbors bush is still blooming these lovely flowers
I’m grateful for our prayer team. Going each Thursday gives me a purpose. I walk there and walk home. Going gives me a reason to pray and connect with Jesus with other followers. There is such a beautiful fellowship. We are up to four members now! Today we had a lot to pray for to include several people that have been missing due to health related issues. Our group leader has a call list and checks on many of the people. Today was our youngest members Briana’s 29th birthday!
1 John 1:7New International Version
7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all[a]sin.
Hello to you. It’s 89 degrees here as I write to you. I was going to sit outside and write but it’s too hot!
My thoughts today turn to thinking about keeping life fresh. Lately my life has been feeling like Ground Hog Day. Very little deviation from routine. Sometimes I will be ready to do my daily sit ups and wonder if I already did them! Inside of me I am wanting more but my body is resisting. What keeps happening is I get this fullness in my ears and I will feel anxious and hypersensitive to my body. The Mal de Barque stuff. My lower back has not been my friend either. I try to walk and I feel like a weeble wobble huffing and puffing almost the whole walk in pain. The only thing that seems to help the hypersensitivity is taking the olanzapine right now. I will be starting to do the taper off of it starting tomorrow. My doctor wants to taper me off of it because it’s notorious, along with the Depakote, for causing weight gain. We are going to try Abilify (aripiprazole) instead of Olanzapine – I hope it works as well for anxiety, weight gain and hypersensitivity.
I try to stay in the understanding that I am blessed to have the life I have even with it’s short comings! As I keep saying it’s not what I can’t do but what I can. Hopefully with the medicine change I will feel stronger and like I can do more to keep my life fresh.
I love seeing roses ready to bloom – especially the two tone onesSome big Pom poms – I think these are called goats beard
Psalm 147:3-5New International Version
3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 4 He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. 5 Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.
Hello to you. How are you? I just had a good talk with my Aunt. She was concerned about what I wrote about yesterday regarding spirituality. She felt it was a little dark and that we need to be moving on from those memories. I reassured her the best I could. I had to remind her that in addition to writing for me I’m writing to help others like me or the family and friends of those like me. By sharing my experience, strength and hope I am hopefully helping someone else who might be going through similar circumstances and have no place to turn to.
What I learned through AA is the more we share our stories of recovery the less it hurts and the more people we help. Each day someone is diagnosed with Bipolar and it can be devastating and overwhelming. I still don’t completely understand it and I’ve been living with it for many years now. I just know Mania and crippling anxiety is what we want to prevent from happening! The Mal de Barque syndrome is also going on too and there is no cure for it or even real tests that can definitely identify it.
My family and friends, my church all encourage me to lean not on my understanding but to lean on God through all of this. I’m trying! I want to make it clear that I’m not seeking sympathy or attention by sharing. I am sharing to help understanding about a condition that doesn’t make sense! There are people who think mental illnesses are something you can just get over and it’s like diabetes or heart disease – you just can’t see it by looking at a person but it’s very real and needs special treatment with both medication and therapy. It’s an inside job until the bad stuff happens and can be seen in behavior!
My Aunt directed me to a great passage in the Bible that she wants to memorize:
Philippians 4:8 New International Version 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Took my phone along for a short walk last night Cheerful pink roses Are these daffodils? My best buddy enjoying some patio time this morning
Hello to you. How are you? I hope well. I just had a telephone consult with my psychologist through the VA and it was pretty intense. She is a short term therapist with goal orientated treatment. I don’t know if she and I will be a good fit or not but will give it a try. She wants me to come up with a goal for treatment. The goal I am thinking of involves leaving the house more. This means leaving Link alone more and that’s hard for me. I don’t like leaving him alone a lot. We shall see what comes up. I talked to her about my swaying sensation being a problem about me doing things. She is going to forward a note about it to my nurse.
Something I’m struggling with with volunteering is driving too. May be there is something I can do that doesn’t involve a lot of driving. I will lift this up to God. I will be useful some how.
Walking by the canals yesterday with Link, we were treated with the sight of a wild Iris! I love surprises like this ❤️
Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing pretty good as I write to you today. This morning I had gone back to sleep and had one of those vivid dreams I’ve talked to you about before. It’s like being alive in a parallel world from your own. For a brief moment I saw a dog that looked like a pug, standing by a window much like mine. Coming through the blinds was a single point of light and the dog seemed to be reacting to it. It looked like the lights I see sometimes. It wasn’t a normal light you might expect to see and I startled awake!
Yesterday I spent most of the day singing and exploring music. Doing this helped a lot in trying to lift the depression I’ve been experiencing lately. The other thing about singing and listening to music is it helps with body pain too. Music is an amazing energy in its many forms. It can reach all parts of us and evoke energetic miracles. I think of The Music and Memory Organization saying this (https://musicandmemory.org/)
Here are are a couple sounds in addition to the Tanpura I found yesterday, kind of had angels on my mind:
https://youtu.be/wxgfnEkxkMI – Angels singing caught on tape (Jesus Norway) – it’s up to you as to what you think of this recording. It would be amazing to think angels voices can reach us!
Hello to you. How are you today? I hope well. Last night was another struggle with getting sleep but God and I got through it. My head has been really full the past few days and I’ve been thinking and praying about a lot. There has been so much going on near and far that has captured my attention and care. It’s hard to wind down when I’m like that. Before bed I saw a video that added more thoughts to my head and prayers to my lips. It was about our President and his mental condition. The source was from Fox News which I expected to be cruel about this subject but Tucker Carlson wasn’t. He brought up some very valid concerns. I will let you judge for yourself if you are interested: https://youtu.be/gsOnnLts-4U – Tucker: Biden can’t regulate his emotions. Being a leader at any strata of this existence isn’t an enviable position. So much responsibility and pressure! God is working in these people. I hope to continue to see God at work. I’m already seeing glimpses of it with the war in the Ukraine. What we focus the power of our thoughts on the most is what helps God manifest those thoughts into reality. That’s how it seems to me anyways! Prayers for leaders at all levels!
Message from A Woman’s Spirit for today:
By embracing the unfair, I no longer feel fear or reflection or lack of self-esteem. – Eileen Fehlen
It’s so human to quickly label an unwanted situation as unfair and to assume we know what’s best for us. We reason that if God would answer our prayers, our lives would unfold appropriately. It’s also terribly human to have to relearn repeatedly that God’s will and God’s timetable don’t always match our own; however , without fail they serve us well.
Learning to appreciate the good in everything that comes our way makes us courageous. In time few things will fill us with fear, and that is measurable progress. We were tormented by fear for so many years that we never expected this rebirth of spirit. Life is beginning to feel inviting, exciting and safe. Let’s step forth together.
I can be certain that God will give me only what is right for me today.
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Today I picked up a round piece of rose quartz I have and it was so comforting. There have been several times when I’ve been sick that I have held rose quartz and felt like it helped me heal. When my friend and I went to a rock and gem show I could tell by the crowds that I’m not the only one who feels like these stones help. I know for some it seems like woo woo and that’s ok! It could be a placebo effect somewhat but like with the rose quartz orb I’m holding as I write to you – it feels good in my hand. I think of those worry stones – remember those?
Rose quartz is known as a healing crystal and the stone of unconditional love. … It’s believed by some to emit strong vibrations of love, which are thought to:
Trees have started budding hereI had to talk to God and myself this morning while feeling anxiety
Hello to you. How are you? Today began with one of those anxiety attacks I get once in awhile. I think it has to do with sleep apnea but I’m not sure. I just know I kind of freaked out. I had to pull out some tools from my sanity toolkit to get myself calmed down. I started with talking to God and went to the Bible to try and find comforting messages. I looked through so many chapters….the concordance for anxiety and comfort and just couldn’t find what I was looking for. It came to me to try the “Big Book” from Alcoholics Anonymous, specifically Step 3….made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I ended up making my Twitch Stream today mostly about this step. When I initially entered into the program this step was hard. My sponsor reassured me that it didn’t have to be just the God of the Bible that I turned my will….surrendered to. It had to be a power that wasn’t me. It was me that got me into the mess I was in. Chances were that it wasn’t going to be my own will that was going to get me free. I just had to acknowledge I was powerless over alcohol (among other things of an addictive nature), admit I had a problem and then, most importantly, be WILLING to ask for help….accept help the way it came. What I realized using this program is if you get to the core of why addiction happens there are fewer what’s. A lot of people I met in AA were self medicating – they had a lot of “why’s” they were covering up with alcohol. They needed therapy and either couldn’t get it or would rather have the stigma of being an alcoholic than the stigma that comes with mental illness. When I look at my own life with help and by myself, there were so many why’s to my addictions. I kept trying to fill voids in my life with people, places and things. Many of those voids were of an intangible nature. You can’t put tangible things in the space where only the intangible dwells.
The messages from A Woman’s Spirit today had to do with friendship. The power we learn through the program is we can choose better friends. Here is a thought provoking part of the message:
“We may not have picked our friends carefully in our youth. Many of us felt pressured to hang out with a crowd that didn’t share our values. We frequently lived up to their expectations of us rather than our own. The internal conflict was painful, and we may still suffer from it.”
My choice of friends today reflects the health of my recovery.
________
It’s pretty easy to tell who are true friends are in life. They are the ones who are still there for you and comfort you as you clean up the mess you’ve made. I consider many members of my family also as dear friends! When we are young it feels like we don’t have a great power of choosing – so much is chosen for us!
Speaking of friendship! Last night Astravert did a wonderful collaboration with some fellow musicians on Twitch:
