For a long time , most of my life, I have loved God. As I have matured and learned so much about matters of organic energy and matters of the spirit I have learned through personal experience how important it is to have s personal relationship. A relationship no one outside of myself can define. No book or written word. Sometimes just the sound of aspen leaves blowing in the wind. Always present. Recently I made a choice I had been straddling the fence about for many years. I decided to surrender my soul to Jesus Christ….not in the book but the one I have come to know through a personal relationship. In the sky, God and the Earth my mother…our shared mother and once they made a son. I don’t believe he left such is not the way of this system as I understand it. Too many words. Human beings trying to make sense of things as they had understanding at the time. Words of the time that have changed in ours. So many translations. So many individual perceptions. We are in the one circle. Sometimes mythology is our only comfort in times of great loss and confusion.
Walking by the canals yesterday with Link, we were treated with the sight of a wild Iris! I love surprises like this ❤️
Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing pretty good as I write to you today. This morning I had gone back to sleep and had one of those vivid dreams I’ve talked to you about before. It’s like being alive in a parallel world from your own. For a brief moment I saw a dog that looked like a pug, standing by a window much like mine. Coming through the blinds was a single point of light and the dog seemed to be reacting to it. It looked like the lights I see sometimes. It wasn’t a normal light you might expect to see and I startled awake!
Yesterday I spent most of the day singing and exploring music. Doing this helped a lot in trying to lift the depression I’ve been experiencing lately. The other thing about singing and listening to music is it helps with body pain too. Music is an amazing energy in its many forms. It can reach all parts of us and evoke energetic miracles. I think of The Music and Memory Organization saying this (https://musicandmemory.org/)
Here are are a couple sounds in addition to the Tanpura I found yesterday, kind of had angels on my mind:
https://youtu.be/wxgfnEkxkMI – Angels singing caught on tape (Jesus Norway) – it’s up to you as to what you think of this recording. It would be amazing to think angels voices can reach us!
Hello to you. How are you today? I’m writing to you from my bed. My lower body is still not happy with me. Mornings are the toughest part of the day but through the course of the day things loosen and warm up. Yesterday was a really good day. The gravel install went really well and the men did a wonderful job. I’m so grateful to them. Such hard working people that I could even hear whistling as they worked! Doing that kind of work has to take a toll on the body. I prayed for them and their bodies.
This will make things a lot easier for me! My neighbors thought the crew did a great job too. My neighbor works 40-60 hrs a week and has a child. She doesn’t have much free time or energy for yard maintenance. She’s thinking about having these guys fix her yard too. With drought conditions also it’s a good move. These words really resonated thinking specifically about the men working here yesterday and others I see splashed over headlines. Generated a question as I observe much of the world and what it’s going through – who do you work for? Who is your boss? Ultimately who do you answer to with the work and other things you do? For me, God is my boss. God gets the glory not me.
Yesterday my cousin and I got a chance to talk on the phone and she mentioned my other cousins husbands mom had a stroke. My cousin and I are about the same age (50’s) and we are noticing that there is a whole generation of people, for us in their 70’s that are going through a lot of “body stuff” all at once. I felt sad when I heard about Naomi Judd and her battle with and ultimately succumbing to mental health issues. She was in her 70’s. I know from my own journey that mental health can be a potentially fatal condition. Suicide being the big part of it. What happens with our mind affects our entire existence. What I see in the news about all this doesn’t talk about what I see in the dis-eases of the mind and body. For all the proclamations of faith we are a very sick country spiritually. You can’t put tangibles…things of a material world in the soul. That space is just for God. All the pills, self help modalities, treatments and spa days in the world aren’t going to help a broken soul. This is what I have had to learn and relearn for most of my life.
Millions of Americans struggled with their mental health well before COVID-19, but the pandemic hasn’t made shouldering mental illness any easier – an issue brought to light over the weekend after the death of country music star Naomi Judd.
Who is your boss? Do you even really know? When I was in the military I had a boss all the way to the President! A lot of different people telling me, ordering, what to do each day. Through all the voices, expectations and demands I had to understand that ultimately I answer to God. When all is said and done in this life no one here on earth is going to matter to you. Who are you allowing to feed your soul?
Time for a walk, Link and I have been going even if it hurts! We just go really slow!
Another princess….Purples I looked this up and I think it’s going to be an Iris! This place gives me a rest – love the running waterSo vibrant! Had to stop and admire this! One of these walks I’m going to remember to bring money so I can try food from this little food truck!Hello sun! Doesn’t the sun look huge lol?! These are shops when we take the longer walk – pizza, tanning and s laundromat This is a musician I spent time listening to yesterday – mentioned him here before – Astravert aka Justin Carter. I realized yesterday when he smiles he reminds me of my younger dad when he would smile and laugh! He’s back in Omaha Nebraska with his parents for a couple months to save money. Some times trying to live off of A Twitch salary is rough! Watch https://twitch.tv/astravert with me on Twitch! astravert
I was exploring yesterday. I had been hearing an instrument in some music lately and discovered it was the Tanpura! You can really sing with this instrument – so soothing! It’s a very distinctive sound in music from India:
Trees have started budding hereI had to talk to God and myself this morning while feeling anxiety
Hello to you. How are you? Today began with one of those anxiety attacks I get once in awhile. I think it has to do with sleep apnea but I’m not sure. I just know I kind of freaked out. I had to pull out some tools from my sanity toolkit to get myself calmed down. I started with talking to God and went to the Bible to try and find comforting messages. I looked through so many chapters….the concordance for anxiety and comfort and just couldn’t find what I was looking for. It came to me to try the “Big Book” from Alcoholics Anonymous, specifically Step 3….made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I ended up making my Twitch Stream today mostly about this step. When I initially entered into the program this step was hard. My sponsor reassured me that it didn’t have to be just the God of the Bible that I turned my will….surrendered to. It had to be a power that wasn’t me. It was me that got me into the mess I was in. Chances were that it wasn’t going to be my own will that was going to get me free. I just had to acknowledge I was powerless over alcohol (among other things of an addictive nature), admit I had a problem and then, most importantly, be WILLING to ask for help….accept help the way it came. What I realized using this program is if you get to the core of why addiction happens there are fewer what’s. A lot of people I met in AA were self medicating – they had a lot of “why’s” they were covering up with alcohol. They needed therapy and either couldn’t get it or would rather have the stigma of being an alcoholic than the stigma that comes with mental illness. When I look at my own life with help and by myself, there were so many why’s to my addictions. I kept trying to fill voids in my life with people, places and things. Many of those voids were of an intangible nature. You can’t put tangible things in the space where only the intangible dwells.
The messages from A Woman’s Spirit today had to do with friendship. The power we learn through the program is we can choose better friends. Here is a thought provoking part of the message:
“We may not have picked our friends carefully in our youth. Many of us felt pressured to hang out with a crowd that didn’t share our values. We frequently lived up to their expectations of us rather than our own. The internal conflict was painful, and we may still suffer from it.”
My choice of friends today reflects the health of my recovery.
________
It’s pretty easy to tell who are true friends are in life. They are the ones who are still there for you and comfort you as you clean up the mess you’ve made. I consider many members of my family also as dear friends! When we are young it feels like we don’t have a great power of choosing – so much is chosen for us!
Speaking of friendship! Last night Astravert did a wonderful collaboration with some fellow musicians on Twitch:
Hello to you. How are you? I hope you are doing well. I’m just off stream in Twitch. I had a nice visit with a man from New Zealand today. It was nice talking about stuff I’m interested in like spirituality.
I’m a little squiggly this morning
A message from A Woman’s Spirit today: People have always wanted to talk to me about their problems. I guess I’m a good listener. May be I have something to contribute after all. – JoAnn Reed
Have you had times in your life when people would just come up to you and start talking about their troubles? You just have that face. You just have that approachable way about you. My husband had a name for that – sin keepers. People that people go to to unload their problems….their sins on. They would usually feel better and he would feel like crap. It would happen to both of us. It’s important if you are a sin keeper that you have someone YOU can talk to too.
Hello to you. How are you? Today has started out pretty good. Had a good stream talking about issues associated with mania and fear. Both require self soothing. It’s important to learn how to be your own mom sometimes! “Everything is going to be ok. This will pass, it always does.” I had a viewer from Germany talking about it taking 2.5 years to see a psychotherapist!
Today is my youngest cousins birthday! Hard to believe it’s been another year!
Today I have been feeling some anxiety but listening to Astravert is helping: Check out Wednesday Friends | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert
It’s another day of inversion here – gray! I’m trying to keep my spirits up. My cousin and I talked about this weather just being a time of rest. The rest of the year always goes so fast that we need a time to slow down. Sometimes I need a reminder!
My therapist and I were talking about how much is enough when it comes to doing things. She brought up a good point that if you are making the world a better place that can be enough! Sometimes we can get really obsessed with being productive.
Hello to you how are you? It’s another gray and cold morning as I write to you. Some day the sun will return!
I had a nice stream on Twitch this morning. Got to visit with Sasha from Kirov Russia and Yoda from Seattle. Some other folks stopped in – Australia. It means a lot to me that people stop by and say hello!
I tried something different and drew this while streaming !
Yesterday I had a visit with one of my followers from Iceland. He was in a music video! He’s the guy on the bike: https://youtu.be/z04sE7L2DVw . It’s so interesting to talk to people from different parts of the world!
A little something to listen to if your into electric guitar:
Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing ok. Last night was kind of rough. Ended up taking a whole Hydroxyzine in order to relax enough to fall asleep. Talked to a friend and she helped me too. She’s a “Jackie Whisperer!”
This morning it’s gray and overcast. Listening to Astravert and trying to wake up: Check out Sundae Jammeroni! | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert
Thinking about going to church this morning. The only thing that sucks is having to scrape the car and warm it up! Honestly I don’t really like going to church by myself but it’s a place I can go to be around other people. Gets me out of the house!
Hello – it’s good morning from here as I write to you. I’m listening to Astravert which is helping with some of the anxiety I had this morning. I tried the Hydroxyzine as my doctor recommended last night and I’m not sure about it. We will see! I hate the getting to know you period when it comes to trying new medications! My body is really sensitive. It didn’t make me sleepy like most antihistamines do. My Aunt said she reacted the same way on it. I didn’t sleep very well last night.
Gratitude in an attitude
The sun is starting to shine through my front windows….it’s a new day. Feels good. I’m sitting on my little life raft with my special boy Link and not sure what today will bring. I’m trying to stay in a space of gratitude. The sketchbooks came yesterday. Turns out they are real small lol! Oh well they will get used. Part of me wishes I had ordered the tshirts so I would have something to paint.
I wanted to mention that last night I was happy to see New Baroque on his channel and he seemed to be doing well. It seemed like whatever happened got worked out. At least I hope so!
“Fellow travelers are you weary? Have the torments of this day made you teary? Wipe your eyes. Don’t believe the lies. Stay in the fight don’t lose your light.”
Hello to you. How are you? It’s an overcast day here but listening to some music from Astravert helps: Check out Thorsday Jamz | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert – you can watch the stream even if it’s not live. Got my coffee. Praying about my aunt having knee surgery today. Have an appointment with my medicine doctor in a bit. I hope he’ll have answers for me if we are on the right track with my medicine. I’m still getting over that damn cold. The past couple of days I’ve been feeling light headed hopefully that’s just remnants! I really want to be over it! I need groceries on the way home and am kind of dreading going with so many people being sick.
Yesterday I streamed on Twitch a lot. I actually got a chance to visit with a couple interesting people. One was a woman in training to be a therapist and last night an applied math scientist. I love it when that happens. I love hearing peoples stories and love sharing mine. The scientist asked me about what I considered one of my craziest times in my military career and what came to mind was 9/11. I’ll be honest that day really f-d up my world and those of the people I was working with at the time! We were in shock!
Anyhew- feeling a little scrambled this morning. Trying to pull it together. Had my talk with the Holy Spirit this morning – trying to make a habit of welcoming his presence everyday. Thank you for coming by! I would love to hear from you if you have the time.
To be 