24 September 2021 Plans

Hello there! How are you ? It’s starting out to be a nice day. I’m sitting on my front porch and it’s a cool 52 degrees! The morning sun makes it really comfortable . I got my mile walk in.

So in a few hours I have plans to go with my friend to a pumpkin patch in Kuna. I’m really looking forward to it . When you live alone like I do, having plans to do something is a big deal. It’s nice to have someone to go do things with.

I wish we could take Link but he gets a little too fired up about strangers .

Links morning plans

The morning beams reach to the vaulted sky, off to distant corners the birds stretch and fly . I look to faraway paths I haven’t tread, I listen for whispers of stanzas I haven’t said. There is a plan unseen floating before my day, I reach into the ether for the scripted play.

19 September 2021 Oddball

Hello to you ! How are you this Sunday morning ? I am hoping for more rain so my car will be clean again ! We got just enough of a spittle to turn my car into a mud ball .

My thoughts are inspired by my drawing today….being an odd ball. Not being like everybody else. Most of my life I have been the one that doesn’t fit in. It’s not that I didn’t look the fitting in part it’s what was going on inside of me. I was a goth girl before it was a thing. I used to visit cemeteries and talk to animals all the time. I can remember looking in the mirror and wondering who was behind my eyes .

In my drawing I am the one standing alone looking at all those who are in line. I never quite fit in to the group. It’s usually because I don’t want to have to compromise my beliefs and or thoughts so that I will fit in.

Oddball spirit

For as long as I can remember it’s been this way for me. I was an outsider in school and in the military . The only time I really belonged is when I did sports. I was a runner and played volleyball . There is a camaraderie to sports that you don’t find in other group settings . I might have to consider sports again once Covid settles down again.

Nowadays my being an oddball has to do with having so many mental health labels. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am not those labels – they don’t define who I am as a person . The labels are for the doctors ! I sometimes let my labels rule my life and I miss out on things as a result .

I have always been a little odd, my ways a mystery to most everyone but God. My eyes a mirror within a hall of windows, my spirit trapped between life and the gallows. Walking between worlds tangible and the unseen, a balancing act of sweet and mean . I am indeed odd but that is between me and God ……

17 September 2021 Decisions

Hello, how are you today as you visit me here? It got down into the 30’s this morning! I’m so not ready for cold!!

My drawing for today and thoughts turn to making decisions. For every decision needing to be made there are three answers that can be given yes, no and may be. You would say may be isn’t a decision and you would be right! It’s a mental pause, making a space for a definitive answer. So many things in life are vague!

It’s not often that I can give a yes or no answer right away. I see so many sides to an equation! This is especially the case when other people are involved . I will think whether or not my decision will hurt the other person- there is a cascade effect . Feelings will often complicate things! Sometimes it would be nice to be a Vulcan from Star Trek and just use logic to make decisions. If that were the case there would be no may be’s!! It would be here are the facts, make a decision.

Sometimes it’s hard to make a clear cut decision

Some of the quandary comes from my spirituality . How many times to decide to forgive or are we always supposed to forgive? When do you stop forgiving someone ? I don’t think God wants me to be a doormat ! I have been spending a lot of time in may be on forgiveness.

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1 September 2021 Connections

Hello there ! How are you as you visit me here ? I hope we’ll. I’m working through my morning “stuff” and going through my routine . I hope someday mornings will be less of a struggle for me !

This morning my mind turns towards the concept of connections . It’s a part of living in today’s world. Right now I don’t have very many connections . I have lived here now over a year. I lived in Texas for about 12 years and in all that time made very few connections. I had one friend that I could count on. Is it me ?!!

I am great at the “meet and greet” but as far as maintaining long lasting relationships I’m not that great . The thing with me is once I love you , no matter how long it is since I last saw you and or we have communicated, we just pick up like we’ve never been apart.

Today’s doodle

16 August 2021 Energy and Emotions

Hello to you how are you today ? I hope life is treating you well and if it’s not that it will get better.

My thoughts turn today to energy and how energy affects emotions . When I am feeling full of energy my mood usually correlates. I usually feel upbeat and positive . Today I feel like I keep trying to charge my battery and it doesn’t work . Kind of like a cell phone with a bad battery. You keep putting the phone on the charger but it just won’t hold the charge!

I used to be a energetic person but now I just want to sleep all the time ! It’s an effort to force myself out to exercise . I will have to pray about this .

12 August 2021 Duality

Hello and good morning to you . How are you ? I am doing ok. I fixed myself some breakfast this morning after the morning walk. Sometimes it’s hard to get motivated to cook for myself. I guess I’m not really cooking just for myself – Link enjoys what I cook too !

I was thinking about duality. Most everything in known existence has more than one side; more than one way to look at things. The same can be said for a person. Everyone has a light and shadow side – a positive and a negative side . Which side we choose to focus on determines how we feel about that person. I often choose to focus on the positive side but sometimes that can leave me open for attack – vulnerable . I want to believe the best in people!

Drawing for today

5 August 2021 Pain

Hello to you, how are you today? Is it hot where you are ? As I write it’s a nice 79 degrees. I managed to get Link around once and a lap for me . I may go again later but I’m trying not to overdue it. I have been having some pain in my knees and upper thighs .

I hate that I’m getting older and my limbs get stiff and sore . Oh for the days when I felt invincible lol! Oh for the days when I could lose weight easily and keep it off! The thing is I don’t want to be young again – just pain free! I don’t want to have to go through all that schooling again!

Colors of today

28 July 2021 Helpful or Harmful

Hello to you, how are you doing on this hot day in July? I am doing ok. I was taking an afternoon nap and some thoughts and images started to filter into my my mind . Some of them painful memories like the day my cat Amber passed away. I had to force my mind to think of other things. I had to ask myself if thinking about such a traumatic day was helpful or harmful. The verdict was it was harmful. I don’t want to think about sad/depressing/traumatic things! So I thought of when she was alive sitting in a sunbeam instead. I forced myself to get up and draw too.

I have had to learn mental gymnastics like these past couple of years. If I let my mind wander it can lead me to some pretty dark places if I let it. It’s the same place my feelings are at and I have found that as an empath living by feelings can be emotionally draining and paralyzing .

Drawing for today

25 June 2021 Practice

Hello to you, how are you today ? I’m doing good. I decided to brave the heat and do a little chalk drawing. I was inspired by the art work from a book loaned to me: Fail fail again fail better by Pema Chodron.

My drawings are very basic right now but sometimes that’s best. I need more practice !

Drawing on the driveway

23 March 2021 Guidance

Hello to you, how are you ? I am doing ok today. I got Link out for a walk early and sought to hear God’s voice and all I heard was the wind!

Whether you turn to the right or to the left , your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it” Isaiah 30:21 NIV Bible Promises for You

It seems like I have been seeking more guidance from God and the harder I try the more difficult it has become. Talking to God used to be almost effortless. I have had to ask where is God really?! Is God in the wind? Is God in another persons voice? Is God in something to read?

I guess I am missing my manic relationship with God. When I was manic it felt like I was in a constant conversation with God and had to exert little to no effort. God was with me when I wanted to draw, write, sing, take photographs — all the ways I used to express myself God was there! I guess not being manic is the price my creative self is having to pay.

I have to believe that God has some sort of plan for me and what I’ve have been going through. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m going through is just God adding to my personal resume! God knows from my past that I will use my pain to help someone else. What I have learned from the past is we aren’t put through anything more than we can handle and what we go through can be used to connect more deeply with someone else.

Not many people know about what it means to be Bipolar and my family has had to learn a lot from me and what I have shared with them. God had me draw the mental health card for a reason and I will continue to seek guidance on where God’s voice is as I continue to go through that.

body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46

guidance” in the English Ordinal system equals 64