1 July 2018 Be A Bridge (Chalk drawing, dream)

Hello.  How are you doing in this moment you visit here?  I hope you are well.  My heart is a bit heavy and conflicted.  It’s confusing emotionally to read news of about a murder suicide of a family of 5 in Price Delaware, the death toll from the flood in Western Japan rising, a newborn being killed in a tornado, tariff wars tempered with 6 year old twins saving a drowning child, interesting progress in space exploration, China offering to fund restoration of the Middle East….such a tenuous balance all of “this.”

My drawing from yesterday and the dream I had this morning kind of ties in nicely to this balance, this race we are running together….this bridge we are building.

10 July 2018 – I drew this without a message and then we got some piddly rain that came through (rain just enough to blurr the drawings I did ) so I went back and touched it up.

The dream this morning was of being at a running race that was taking place on a very high bridge like the one in this drawing.  The little yellow shapes on the bridge in my drawing are people.  So I’m initially below the bridge watching the people running and then I try to figure out how they got up on the bridge to run the race.  I take a closer look and see they are using trampolines to jump up to the top of the bridge to finish the race.  Then, like happens in dreams, fast forward and I’m on top of the bridge with other people like we are waiting for the others.  Then we transition to watching a version of the very same race in a very primitive video game form.

When I talked out this dream with Kyle we think it was like dream central saying, “Yeah, you guys are about 6 consoles away from getting your shit together.”   Funny Universe, very funny! 

We are innovative.  We have a lot of ambition, ingenuity and creativity as a species.  What we haven’t yet mastered, and I’m as guilty as anyone, is team work.   I’ve never been very good at working with others but I try.  My problem is I learned the lesson of self reliance all too well growing up.  I also learned that unless I do it, it’s not going to get done right….yeah…some trust issues.  Too many times I trusted people to do their jobs right and they didn’t.  They let me down.  Turns out that’s too bad because you can’t do everything by yourself!  Sooner or later you are going to have to let other people help.  You are going to have to trust other people to do things with and for you.  They may fuck up but that’s part of the journey and you just have to let that process happen.  Remember….Life is School.  We are all in Earth School.  

If we are going to survive as a species, we have got to ditch all those things we are using to exclude people from the team like skin color, physical appearance, race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, economic class, profession, disabilities/health conditions.  It’s time to ditch the “labels” we put on people that make them ineligible to join the team of life.  The energy of God put us all here for a purpose otherwise we wouldn’t be here.  God doesn’t make junk!

Sooner or later we are all going to find our way to get to the top of the bridge and I think there has got to be an better way than relying on trampolines and a Nintendo console!

Source Internet: Track and Field

2 18 9 4 7 5

B R I D G E = 45/9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle (it is a very labor intensive work to build a bridge and keep it structurally sound)

9 18 5 12 1 14 4

I R E L A N D = 63/9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle (interesting that two unrelated words would be the same)

18 1 9 2 15 23

R A I N B O W = 68/14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 (7 known colors to the rainbow, I’ve seen 8.  The color pink hidden in there)

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5 July 2018 Milk Glass Vase, Watching a Different Sort of Darren Criss, The Practice of Walking (Daily Good)

Hello to you.  Just a quick visit.  I’m really tired.  I haven’t had much sleep the past couple of days.  We had a really nice visit with Kyle’s family yesterday and that of course included lots of furry people too.  It was just nice to get caught up as we hadn’t seen each other in several months.  They understood that it was best to steer clear of us until my cycle was over.  So we had burgers and chicken from the grill, some potato and macaroni salads, the blueberry pie Beth made from scratch and my chocolate pudding pie.  We played  a round of Yahtzee and Kyle and his Dad were the only ones to actually roll Yahtzee’s lol!  There were far too many zero’s on my score sheet but it was so fun to play together.  I like the sound of the dice in the cup when you shake it for your roll lol!  I like my dice shaken but not stirred lool!

What is Yahtzee?

Yahtzee

Yahtzee
Yahtzee is a dice game made by Milton Bradley, which was first marketed as Yatzie by the National Association Service of Toledo, Ohio, in the early 1940s. Yatzie was included in a game set called LUCK – 15 Grand Dice Games. It was marketed under the name of Yahtzee by game entrepreneur Edwin S. Lowe in 1956. Lowe is also responsible for introducing Bingo to the U.S. market. The game is a development of earlier dice games such as Poker Dice, Yacht and Generala. It is also similar to Yatzy, which is popular in Scandinavia
This mornings drawing isn’t what I had wrote myself a note to draw.  I was supposed to draw a mermaid for my dear Cindy! I will be sure to do that after I’m rested so she actually looks like a mermaid!  I’m not firing on all cylinders lol!  One of the two milk glass pieces my Aunt Ruth gave me that belonged to my Grandparents made it into things today.  When you think of milk glass do you immediately think about dipping an oreo or something in a glass of milk?  Well there is a type of glass that is actually called Milk glass:

5 July 2018 Milk glass vase that belonged to Grandma and Grandpa Becker Alvarado TX

https://www.countryliving.com/shopping/antiques/g2965/milk-glass-facts/ – a vase like the one I have is actually in this article, valued at about $10.  It’s worth much more in sentimental value of course!
“Opaque Glass originated in 16th century Venice and came in a variety of colors, including white, pink, yellow, blue, and brown. The white variety beloved today rose to prominence during the Victorian era, when 
it was coveted as an economic dead-ringer for porcelain. (The Victorians also get credit for coining the term “milk glass.”) Its production and popularity waned during the Great Depression but saw a resurgence after World War II. Thanks to a frenzy of mass production during the 1950s and 1960s from companies such as Anchor Hocking, Fenton, and Westmoreland, the mid-century finds are readily available today—many for mere milk money. Here are some pretty pieces to add to your own collection.”
—————————————————-
Last night Mom Beth and I stayed up late and watched about half of The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story starring Darren Criss (Blaine from Fox show Glee):https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Assassination_of_Gianni_Versace:_American_Crime_Story

The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story is the second season of the FX true crime anthology television series American Crime Story. The season premiered on January 17, 2018,[1][2] and concluded on March 21, 2018. It consists of a total of 9 episodes,[3] and explores the murder of designer Gianni Versace by spree killer Andrew Cunanan, based on Maureen Orth‘s book Vulgar Favors: Andrew Cunanan, Gianni Versace, and the Largest Failed Manhunt in U.S. History.[2][4]

I normally don’t like to watch television shows with gun violence or based on real stories.  I used to but with the way things have gotten in this country, I don’t need it in my entertainment too.  This said, this was Darren Criss and Beth and I both have an appreciation for him ever since his role as Blaine on Glee.  While it was strangely delightful watching him dance around in a Speedo at one point, it was equally awful watching him murder people and be the kind of human being he was asked to be for this part.  At least they didn’t do the cardinal sin of showing the harming of a dog (physically.)  Ryan Murphy was at the helm of this production.  You could tell.  He knows how to do character development almost too well!  There were times as I was watching that I squirmed, felt a great awkwardness with watching Darren as Andrew being a sociopath and just never telling the truth.  I was physically uncomfortable, cringed and just felt so mortified for the people being portrayed that had once been alive and how Darren Criss’s character Andrew Cunanan destroyed them.

The last I saw of the show last night was the part that brought Beth and I both to tears and it was enough that I don’t know if I could watch anymore of the series.  It’s when he killed the young architect David Madson.  Ryan really put together a sequence for this that just really brought home the message that David was someone’s little boy once and he was dearly loved.   No matter how his Dad felt about David being gay, he loved him more than anything. 

Like I said, I don’t indulge and or relish watching gun violence in most everything now.  When the violent parts happened in the show, I kept saying to Beth, “this is why I like to watch baking and home decorating shows!”  I see someone being hurt, it’s like it’s happening to me.  This said, this scene I am sharing isn’t all about that.  It’s a painfully poignant scene where Andrew is gunning David down and in this process David is transported to one of his most special memories with his Dad.  He realizes he shouldn’t be there again but it brings him peace in the middle of yet another terrifying bit of time with Andrew and just before he dies:

American Crime Story Versace 2×04- Andrew kills David ( Ending Scene)

How do you smudge your soul after channeling someone like Andrew Cunanan?  I see young actors like Darren, Jonathan Rhys Meyers and others who take on these very dark aspects of human nature and I worry about them.  What is the aftercare for their soul after exposing it to such horror?  Even if it is “just pretend?”  I imagine it is probably therapeutic to some degree to be able to “let loose” of the shadow self.  I know when I’m allowed to really yell, scream or release anger I feel better afterwards but how do you bring things back to balance afterwards?  We’ve seen many instances of actors who just couldn’t get back to balance.  It’s very rare that someone can channel such a villain and not implode or explode afterwards.  People like Christopher Lee, Anthony Hopkins, Alan Rickman, Liam Neeson and Mads Mikkelsen don’t come along too often!

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.
Frederick Douglas

Great article topic from the daily good to share!

http://www.dailygood.org/2018/07/05/the-practice-of-walking/this is one of the most important things in my sanity toolkit.  A 40 min walk is great therapy!

But the beauty is in the walking — we are betrayed by destinations. –Gwyn Thomas

 

The Practice of Walking

–by Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee & Hilary Hart, syndicated from heartfulnessmagazine.com, Jul 05, 2018

In the busy-ness of our contemporary life, we are drawn into ceaseless activity that often separates us from the deeper dimension of ourselves. With our smartphones and computer screens, we often remain caught on the surface of our lives amidst the noise and chatter that continually distract us, that stops us from being rooted in our true nature. Unaware we are drowned deeper and deeper in a culture of soulless materialism.

At this time I find it more and more important to have outer activities that can connect us to what is more natural and help us live in relationship to the deep root of our being, and in an awareness of the moment which alone can give real meaning to our everyday existence. Over the years I have developed a number of simple practices that bring together action and a quality of heart-centered attention, or deepening awareness, that can nourish our lives in hidden ways. These activities, like walking, cooking with love and attention, can reconnect us with the web of life, our natural interconnection with life in its beauty and wonder. They can help us ‘declutter’ our outer life and instead become rooted in what is simple and real. One of these practices, which combines action with awareness, is walking.


Walk as if you are kissing
the Earth with your feet.

—Thich Nhat Hanh


I have always loved to walk early in the morning, to sense the Earth at the beginning of a day, to feel Her pulse, Her beauty and magic, before thoughts and demands clutter my day. Waking early, I have a hot cup of tea, meditate in silence, and then, as soon as the first light comes, I walk down the hill to the road beside the wetlands where I live. Sometimes the frost is sparkling around me, sometimes the water is clouded with fog, an egret appearing white against the reeds. This is another time of silent meditation, walking, breathing, feeling the Earth. I try to be as empty as possible, just to be present in the half-light, aware of what is around me. Prayer, meditation, presence, awareness – these are just words for a practice that immerses me in a mystery we call nature. Here the sacred speaks to me in its own language, and I try to listen.

Now I live beside the wetlands, and the tidal water is part of this meeting, this communion. Other times, in other landscapes, it has been rivers and streams, the sounds of waterfowls’ wings, the dawn rising across meadows. Or in forests, a different bird chorus, animals skittering across the path, a deer and her young. Always it is a listening awareness, a deep receptivity to what is around me, an honoring of a world other than people. It is a remembrance of what is essential, elemental, and its nourishment carries me through the day. It is a return to the sacred, sensed and felt, without words or thoughts – a primal consciousness as if of the first day.

This is a practice that has been with me since my teens – when I first started to meditate I also needed to walk. It was not taught or learned, but came as a need, a way to be, an antidote to much of the world around me – a world of people and problems, demands and desires. When one foot follows the other and the day has hardly begun, it seems these demands cannot touch me, as if I am immersed in something simpler, more essential. Placing each foot on the earth is a practice, but a practice that comes from my own roots, not a book or a teacher. Later I came to hear it called “walking in a sacred manner,” and it is sacred, a return to what is sacred. But it also is deeper or more primal than any purpose. Nature speaks to me and I listen. Nature calls and something deep within me responds, and I just need to give it space. I am part of a life far greater than any ‘me’.



The Earth gives us sustenance: the air we breathe, the food we eat. She is generous in so many ways, even as we forget Her and abuse Her. But there is also this deeper nourishment, this invisible, intangible giving. My early morning walk is a communion – if I am receptive, it is a wine drunk deeply. It comes through Her landscape, moss dripping from the trees, white and pink blossoms welcoming spring, the cry of a sea bird. Those first rays of sunrise are always a blessing. I do not understand this with my mind, but my soul feels it, needs it. Once again we are back at the beginning, in that elemental world we never truly leave. Our present culture may have forgotten it, disowned it, covered it over, may pretend we no longer need this communion, but my soul and my feet know otherwise. This is the landscape of the soul as much as it is the wetlands stretching towards the ocean. But it is also any landscape we walk. A walk on city streets is made of the same elements: feet touching ground, the rhythm of walking, breathing, the same sky overhead, the wind touching the face.

I would like to say it is easy, but so often I have to remember to reconnect, to empty the clutter of the coming day from my mind, my everyday thoughts. I have to stay in a place of awareness, sense my feet, feel the air, listen. I have to remember that I am not separate but part of everything around me. I have to push aside this great myth of separation, the great untruth. We are the air we breathe, the earth we touch, the same one life, alive in so many ways. We are the Earth awakening in the early morning, just as we are the buds breaking into color in the spring. To be fully alive is to feel how we are part of this embracing mystery. My morning walk is a remembrance, a reconnection, experienced in the body and felt in the soul.


So often I have to remember to reconnect,
to empty the clutter of the coming day from my mind,
my everyday thoughts.
I have to stay in a place of awareness,
sense my feet, feel the air, listen.
I have to remember that I am not separate
but part of everything around me.


Walking Practice


Walking reinforces our connection to the Earth, one step at a time. Attuning to the rhythms of one’s feet, the swaying of one’s arms, the in and out of breath, the ways walking moves us through time and space, helps develop this relationship, reminding us consciously and unconsciously just how much a part of nature we are. Nature is cyclic and rhythmic, and walking – when we are not focused on where we are going – attunes us to this non-linear reality.

Walking practice is perhaps best begun alone, when the intimacy of nature’s communication can be sensed without distraction. Just as when we meet a lover in the early part of a relationship, we do not want to share that meeting with others. Choose a time when you can be alone, when listening, hearing, and sensing can take place. Perhaps the start or the end of the day, before life’s clamoring takes hold or after it lets go. Lunchtime or an afternoon break from work might be more difficult, but if that is the time available, then make sure the walk is long enough for you to let go of work thoughts or tensions of the day.

Turn off the cell phone, or better yet, leave it at home or the office. There is a way that the vulnerabilities that come with being alive have been squelched by our daily-life safety tools, like cell phones. If you can be without the protection and constant access they provide, try it. Social media will not miss documentation from your walk.

Find a park or a path through quiet woods if you can. Let the rhythm of your steps soothe your mind and create a space for listening. Feel how your feet connect with the earth, how the air moves through your lungs. Follow your attention as it is drawn inward and outward both – to the inner movements of your body and to the feeling of warmth or cold, the sight of birds, the sound of a distant plane. Let your thoughts and impressions move through and out, as part of the natural rhythm of walking. Just as we come back to the breath in silent meditation, return your attention to your feet and their meeting and letting go of the ground.

Commit to walking every day if you can. Walk without expectation, with an attitude of openness and gratitude. If you feel a longing inside you – a need to connect, a desire to be closer to nature – let it motivate and guide you.

The nineteenth-century existential philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once wrote in a letter to his niece, “Every day, I walk myself into a state of well-being and walk away from every illness. I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.”


Syndicated from Heartfulness MagazineLLEWELLYN VAUGHAN-LEE & HILARY HART explore the contemplative, spiritual value of walking in Nature, and share with us a simple walking practice.

 

 

 

9 June 2018 Songs of our time – What Else Is There (Royksopp) and More Than This (The Cure)

I don’t know who wrote this.  I found it on the internet this morning without an author attached to it.  It was interesting to me:

Time
If the Particle in question
is to also move in time
it should change its energy
Or it stands still in time

Hello to you.  It’s morning in my here and now.  Already battling dust bunnies and ants but mercifully there is coffee and I am not the lone witness to these petty struggles lol!  How are you?  I hope this finds you well.

This morning I wanted a couple of songs for my post and What Else Is There by Royksopp and More Than This by the Cure stood out.  Songs with messages that speak to our current times.  The struggle I think so many, to include myself, are facing these days.  What else is there to this life?  Is there more than “this?”  What exactly is “this?”

For some the “this” seems to be a struggle from the moment they are born until the moment of their departure.  For some it seems only given a moment to be born and a few short days, months of years to struggle to be here and fade away.  For some the “this” is never knowing any pain, conflict or difficulty – a pampered and sheltered existence their entire lives.

Everyone seems to arrive and depart with assigned positions on the stage of life with very few roles being cast off to another player.  Painters painting, tradespeople trading, the usury using, talking heads talking, politicians politicking, soldiers soldiering, lawyers lawyering, police, fire and emergency responders flying with unseen wings from one crisis to another.  All the possible colors and textures of our skin be it human or otherwise the costumes we adorn for this blurring dance.   In between all “this,” the first of us be they of wings or fins, frantically sew all the holes we are tearing open across this planet closed with the beauty their existence.

Ever since last January I have experienced and sensed a big change in what “this” is for me personally.  I have drifted out to the darkness and looked over the edges quite a bit.  The tether that keeps me from drifting completely away made of family, friends, love, faith and hope.   I know I am extremely blessed to have this tether as far too many in this world don’t even know any of that exists!   I have seen many others also drifting out there in the confusion that is now America.  I think there is a great sense of futility in the air.  We must stay tethered to what matters most and the wisdom of the deepest part of our heart….our souls.

I’ve experienced, spoken and written many times that there is nothing of this world that can fill the void of spirit.  If you rely completely on other people, food, drink, places, things, conquests for power, do things that garner negative attention etc. to fill you up inside, you will always be left wanting more.  Just like any addiction, it takes bigger and bigger “doses” to achieve the same results until you finally realize there will never be enough to fill you up.   Then will come the questions I think people we are seeing that have lost hope are asking, “Is this it?!  Is there nothing more than this?!  What else is there?!  What do I have to do to feel alive?!”

Röyksopp – What Else Is There? (HD)

Lyrics

It was me on that road
But you couldn`t see me
Too many lights out, but nowhere near here

It was me on that road
Still you couldn`t see me
And then flashlights and explosions

Roads ends getting nearer
We cover distance but not together
I am the storm and I am the wonder
And the flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

I don’t know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

It’s about you and the sun
A morning run
The story of my maker
What have I and what I ache for

I`ve got a golden ear
I cut and I spear
And what else is there
Roads and getting nearer
We cover distance still not together

If I am the storm if I am the wonder
Will I have flashlights, nightmares
And sudden explosions

There is no room where I can go and
You`ve got secrets too

I don`t know what more to ask for
I was given just one wish

Songwriters: DANNY SHOSHAN,ROBERT HUXLEY,ROGER GREENAWAY,SVEIN BERGE,TOBJOR BRUNDTLAND,KARIN DREIGER,OLAF DREIGER,TONY MACAULEY
© Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.,Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC,Universal Music Publishing Group
For non-commercial use only.
Data From: LyricFind

 

Sometimes I will grasp around for something to energize me, to make me happy and often find there is nothing.  So I go outside with my music and just flop down on my cot and look up or take off my shoes and just stand still with my arms raised to the sky.  The “this” I am seeking most often finds me then.   In the eyes of my husband and my dogs, in the songs of the birds, the buzzing of the bees, the dirt between my toes, the petals of the flowers, the whispers of the trees, the blazing sun, the gentle breeze that caresses my arm and the billowing clouds overhead all is “this”…God.  

 

8 June 2018 – Drawing yesterday. The word “corners” came to mind after I was done with it.

 

the cure – more than this

 

Lyrics

For this second of your life,

Tell me that its true,

Waiting for a sign,

That’s all I want of you.

Your heart hides a secret

A promise of what is,

Something more than this.

 

Just a second of your time,

Any one will do,

Taste of any other,

Is all I want from you,

You offer me the world,

And how can I resist

Something more than this?

 

Make believe in magic

Make believe in dreams

Make believe impossible,

Nothing as it seems

To see touch taste smell hear

But never know if its real

 

For this second of your life

Tell me if its true

Anyway we are

Is all I want of you

Your lips lies a secret

A promise of a kiss

Something more than this

 

Just a second of your time

Any one will do

To know any other is all I want for you

Giving me the world

Now I can’t resist

Something more than this

 

Make believe in magic

Make believe in dreams

Make believe impossible

Nothing as it seems

Never really understand what anything means

 

Another second of my life

Not knowing if its true

Make believe in nothing

Is all I want of you

Whisper me your secret

Whisper me your ears

Always something other

Something more than this…

 

Songwriters: JAMES SMITH,NATHAN BARDEEN,RORY DOLAN,TODD EISENKERCH

© Universal Music Publishing Group

For non-commercial use only.

Data From: LyricFind

 

 

22 May 2018 Dust, Purple and Blue Cars, Alaskan Hunting and Flowers

Hello to you.  It’s a beautiful, yet very dusty Tuesday morning.   We have metal and glass furniture with electronics on top and near them.  The effort of dusting is pretty much a futile activity at our house lol.  The sun is shining on my desk exposing all the dust particles and I look at it thinking, “have I ever cleaned this house?!”

Funny Facebook Meme from We are Moms Club yesterday:

When life gets you down and you feel you can’t go on, just remember who will always
be there for you, Dishes,  they will literally always be there.

@Adventuresinbliss

I don’t feel very rested this morning.  More busy dreaming.  I only remember a fragment about really fast purple and blue cars that looked like those old El Camino’s but they had closed cabs on the back and were a bit more modernized.  I don’t know why literal cars are popping up in my dreams but they are.  I am thinking these are analogies for what I’m seeing on the political front lately with “people cars.”  I saw Bernie Sanders is talking about a re-election bid yesterday.  Are we talking about this already?!  I saw something that made me sick and I don’t even want to believe they are considering doing this:  https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/may/21/trump-administration-moves-reverse-obama-era-hunti/Trump administration moves to reverse Obama-era hunting restrictions in Alaska.  Is it me, or does it seem like when things aren’t going his way he starts attacking the environment?  Just something I’ve noticed.  I am trying so hard to find the good in this administration and I am coming up bankrupt again after seeing this.  I felt physically ill last night reading about this.  If I lived in Alaska I would be standing in front of the hibernating bears and their cubs.  This seems like such a dishonorable and senseless style of hunting to me.  Is Alaska really that hard up for revenue to consider allowing this?!  There seems to be something wrong with the moral compass in this world unless there are things I just don’t know that make this seem necessary.  Don’t these beings have it hard enough to have to endure even more cruelty from humanity?

8 21 14 20 9 14 7

H U N T I N G = 93 (3 cycle)

21 May 2018 – flowers and spirits of gratitude and thanks for all the beings that have been helping me get restored back to center.

6 12 15 23 5 18 19

F L O W E R S = 98

29 April 2018 Who should get the “credit” for creation?

Hello to you.  I’m up early this morning and was thinking about something that has come to me before.  Who gets the “credit” for what we create in this world?  Credit can be in the context of just pats on the back or accolades.  Credit can also mean, in our modern world,  financial support.  When I create, I’m not really looking for either, it used to, but not anymore.  The reason this came up in my thoughts?  I was I was going to try to put my initials and date on the drawings I’m sharing today and realized that it really doesn’t matter all that much!  They don’t belong to me really, they belong to a power greater than myself.  They belong to the God of my understanding, energy and energy is everyone and everything….the collective consciousness.

When I do something creative, I feel like I’m tapping into the collective consciousness.  After all, I my opinion, there really isn’t such a thing as an original idea just a reinterpretation of one that has already come before.  Even what I am writing at this moment doesn’t really belong to me in a sense.  Only when my ego needs a stroke do I really care about such things!  Sometimes I can be pretty hard on myself.  When I get like that, my self-esteem plummets pretty low.  I will sometimes look for a source outside of myself to somehow lift myself up.  Ironically, this was the driving force behind me using Facebook to share my drawings and stuff!

Since I seldom turn a profit for what I channel aka “create”, I think that’s about as pure as it gets.  Why should I get hung up on labeling my work?  The only reason that comes to mind, is kind of like from that Big Eyes movie when the husband tried to take credit and actually profit from his wife’s work.  The karmic resolution to that took place in a courtroom.  The judge put the husband and wife to work at blank canvas painting and the husband was unable to recreate his wife’s paintings.

Amy Adams and Margaret Keane tell Big Eyes Movie Story (I wonder if all the folks involved with this film, to include Margaret, receive money for sales of this film?  Not quite sure how that works.)

So should I consider copywriting everything I do?  I guess if I decided that I was going to try and make a living doing what I do but what a struggle that would be!  Whenever I have tried to make money doing something it has often turned into a negative thing.  I have very few positive experiences with making money for what I have made.  The only ways  it has been positive is when I do something for a gift or someone has asked me to make something and they provided the financial support and or materials for me to do it.  I think making things and churning them out for profit would be very pretty empty for me.  Something else I’ve realized, like blogging here for example, as soon as I upload anything into this artificial collective consciousness, the internet, I give away any all the relevance of ownership in my opinion.  Anyone can save my pictures to their hard drive and “make them their own” as I’ve done with other artists work.

Why do I create?  What is my motivation?  My motivation is most often having the feeling I get by being close to God.  It feels good!  It’s like having a conversation without words and it makes me feel complete inside.  Then, out of gratitude, I feel I have to pass it all on to help somebody else like I do here in this blog.   Isn’t this the way God, divinity….whatever your word for the energy that propels you through this life supposed to be?  A power greater than ourselves that unconditionally loves and accepts us even if we make a drawing that looks like a child may have done it? 

Matthew 19:14 14Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

No one, no matter how hard they try can exactly replicate what I do.  Kind of like forgeries and copies….they will always be forgeries and copies but never the original work as it was first channeled through me.  So I’m not very worried about it anymore.   I feel bad for people in this world who do get so hung up on ownership versus staying in the flow of creation.  It must be such a fight everyday to keep what they perceive belongs to them!  I would say this is especially true for anyone who makes a living on their image and creative endeavors in any profession.  I wonder what would happen if they just let go of that?

What has come to me in meditations with the God of my understanding (I use the word God because it’s simpler) many times is nothing belongs to us but perhaps one thing, the essence of who we are inside.  The energy ball, the soul, part of our being that makes us uniquely “us” no matter what outside forces may try to change it.  I imagine that when our bodies are tired and must be returned back to the earth, we just move on and become something or someone else but we are not lost.  The unconditional, loving energy of existence makes sure we are never truly lost.   We just become something a little different but just the same.

These drawings I did yesterday were made for me and for someone else to enjoy and I hope you do:

U2 – Song For Someone (Directed by Matt Mahurin)

See more songs by U2

Lyrics

 Song for Someone

You got a face not spoiled by beauty
I have some scars from where I’ve been
You’ve got eyes that can see right through me
You’re not afraid of anything they’ve seen
I was told that I would feel nothing the first time
I don’t know how these cuts heal
But in you I found a rhyme

If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a dark
Now we shouldn’t doubt
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out

And this is a song
A song for someone
This is a song
A song for someone

You let me into a conversation
A conversation only we could make
You break and enter my imagination
Whatever’s in there
It’s yours to take
I was told I’d feel nothing the first time
You were slow to heal
But this could be the night

If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a dark
Within and without
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out

And this is a song
A song for someone
This is a song
This is a song for someone

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And I’m a long way
From your hill of Calvary
And I’m a long way
From where I was, where I need to be
If there is a light
You can’t always see
And there is a world
We can’t always be
If there is a kiss
I stole from your mouth
And there is a light
Don’t let it go out

 Songwriters: ADAM CLAYTON, DAVE EVANS, LARRY MULLEN, PAUL DAVID HEWSON
© Universal Music Publishing Group
For non-commercial use only.
Data From: LyricFind

17 April 2018 Edits and ideas about the future I would like to see

Hello to you.  I hope that wherever and whenever this finds you that you are having a good day.  This phrase where and when comes from watching a scientist named Mehran Tavakoli Keshe of the Keshe Spaceship Institute.  Ever since I started to try to follow his work back in October of 2016 I think it was, I have planted a seed in my heart for his work.   It was so exciting to see what he and all the wonderful people also inspired, are trying to do with the technology he is sharing.  He inspired me to try more experimenting in my kitchen!  Seeing and hearing what he was proposing made me think of the visionary Gene Roddenberry of Star Trek.  When I was in the United States Air Force, my dream was for their to be a purple force.  I talked about this with many people I worked with.  My vision was for all branches of the armed forces to unify for one mission of peace.  I would love to see people, if they wanted to, to be able to join with others to go to regions of the world and be goodwill ambassadors of peace-making.  I would love for them to be able to hug people, help people get on their feet again and not have to worry about their well-being or safety.  It is a utopian view I know….probably even childish in a way but that is my way of thinking.  Not everyone would necessarily share my point of view especially if they have been on the receiving end of unfair activities.  It is not my place to say….”above my pay-grade.”

I wanted to recommend to anyone who regularly reads my writing here of the many, sometimes, severe edits to the blog.  I have deleted countless pictures, my art and words out of concern for others.  My original intention at starting this blog was to write for myself like a journal and it has become much more than that.  I have censored myself and part of this is because I would take some time after I wrote something and realize I didn’t have all the facts or was writing about things I didn’t know everything about.  I only had my perception or view and my sources were from the internet which aren’t always reliable.  Even the sources I thought I could count on seemed to have faults with them or someone would say or write something to discredit them like snopes.com.

Ironically, it is from President Trump and his proposal of “fake news” that I started to question even myself but this isn’t a bad thing.  Not everyone would agree with me.  I decided some time ago, after disputes about his Presidency were creating rifts between my family and friends, that possibly our parents knew something I didn’t.  I started to think about him differently, like a “Trump” card.  I began to wonder if he was actually trying to help us in the opposite way we might expect.  I wondered if everything he and other world leaders were doing was their way of attempting to fix this mess we have been in without our even realizing it.  I began to wonder if he might actually become of the greatest presidents we’ve ever had and I say that not knowing if he was conscious of his behavior.  I decided that I would change my perception of him like I have done for anyone I have come to know in world history, to include  Adolf Hitler.  What I came to understand, for myself, a long time ago is that based on my life, who am I to judge anyone?  I don’t believe anyone is perfect and I don’t believe perfection even exists.  Someone once said, there is perfection in imperfection and I believe that.  This is just me and my opinion.  Everyone has their own opinion and personal perspective on this life and I respect that.  Sometimes it’s hard to get many “passionate” perspectives to communicate but I believe it is possible if we find a way to agree on what we have in common.  This is a good place to start and many very smart people have shown me this by their example.

I am nattering on as my friend Les often says of herself in her letters lol.  I hear my neighbor cutting their lawn at the moment and my back yard is very high but I wouldn’t be embarrassed if anyone saw it.  I don’t choose to cut my yard anymore for more than just not having a lawn mower (we tried an electric/corded mower and it didn’t work out).  I worry about all those I harm when I cut the lawn.  I have wounded crickets and other beings by mowing and those wounded have come to me while I’m in the backyard.  We became “friends” and I started to realize the connection between us and nature through these wounded insect warriors.  If you look at life at each level, it’s all the same but just a little different.  So I try to do the least amount of yard work that I have to so as not to harm anyone.  I could hire people to take care of the yard etc., but I know they aren’t like me.  I keep the front yard to “city” standards (like military standards) but don’t like doing it anymore.  I used to cut the lawn and not care about the other lifeforms but once I started to care about them, to include all the trees trying to make new families, my entire perspective changed.

Some of my greatest teachers are like the cottonwood tree in my neighbor’s yard that was struck by lightning instead of our house.  They let their offspring, seeds, go and sometimes they land on fertile soil and sometimes they land at my back porch or in my HVAC unit.  During an outside  meditation I had some time ago,  I started to think of what these trees do.  I began to think of symbiosis and  how life on this planet may have started.  There is a nature photographer, his name escapes me but I shared his work here before, that inspired me to think of nature in this way.  This is ONLY A THEORY not a fact!  Here is a post I wrote about this some time ago: https://saymber.com/2015/05/07/7-may-2015-in-the-beginning-there-was-symbiosis/.   I am providing the link but will have to edit this.

5 Feb 2017 – I did this yesterday and it was very therapeutic drawing so many little boxes to form a Pecan Tree 🙂

Sometimes I link articles and items of interest to me from other places to give my sources.  I don’t always know if I have permission to share what is on the internet here.  I will be doing less of that in the future.  If anyone should come across something I’ve linked and or shared and you would like it removed, please let me know in the comments section of this blog.  In order to make comments, I think, but am not sure, you must have an account.

 

25 Feb 2018 Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down – Today is Sunday

Good morning!

I made a little video this morning to make a point about something.  The funny things is, the point didn’t come to me right as I was doing this!  I came to the realization when I went to share the video with family and friends on Facebook that my options for acknowledging the content of the video didn’t seem appropriate – namely the “Like” button.  It hit me that when I click Like on things that I don’t, that I’m giving my personal power and energy to manifest more of what I would actually like to see, hear and feel less of in this world!  So if you decide to watch this, and what I have to say resonates with what you feel about the subject, please feel free to give it a thumbs down!  I am hoping you will.   I noticed the view counter for You Tube is counting every time I look at the video from another location so the current number of 8 is just me.

I do not collect an income or royalties from blogging, I do it for me, so I do not consider myself “working” at the moment.

13 Feb 2018 Seek First to Understand

Hello just a quick post.  I wanted to share some thoughts that came to me today.  I had been feeling anxious and my brain was running pretty fast and I’m tired from not sleeping so well the past couple of nights.  So I grabbed my chalks, even though it is cold out (if you dress appropriately the cold isn’t so bad), and these thoughts came to me….specifically the words of one of my favorite prayers.  The part about seeking to understand versus always being understood specifically.  Most of my life I’ve tried to do the understanding part but it’s not always easy.  Sometimes you want others to “get you” to understand why you are the way you are and you can’t tell them the whole story of why because they have their own problems too.   It’s hard to focus on other people’s “stuff” when while they are talking, you are thinking about your own self the whole time….”what’s in this for me?  why should I care?”  It’s hard to be selfless and empathetic and or caring and also take care of, even “protect” yourself from others stuff.  This is where compromise, respect, treating others like you would want to be treated and healthy boundaries and all that good stuff comes into play.

Anyhew – hope something here resonates.  One person can’t fix a mess as big as the one we’ve got here on Earth.  I know I didn’t make all this mess but I did have my part in all of it.  We each have a part in the mess and have to find our way of working towards a loving, peaceful, non-violent solution to it.  It didn’t happen overnight!  The phrase that keeps coming to me, “Trust the Process.”  For me that means having faith in myself and the God of my understanding that there is a plan in all of this.

 

12 Feb 2018 Blue TV Screen (dreams) and Time to make amends (edited version 17 April 2018)

(edited 17 April 2018)

Hello to you.  Just a short note to help me process a couple of dreams that woke me from my sleep.  The first one was scary until after I processed it and went back to bed.

What happened is I dreamt I was in bed and Link was next to me and kept growling like he really does.  Then he was on top of my legs like he was protecting me from something in the room.  There was someone there but I couldn’t see them but Link could.  I got up out of bed and was able to see in the dark.  I was slapping my hands together in front of my face like someone was there trying to get inside me.  I was yelling at “them” to “get out!” over and over again. I chased them to the living room and I saw a blue television screen in the darkness and whoever, whatever was in front of it and just disappeared and the tv shut off.  I woke up yelling and screaming which of course upset Kyle.    The living room the dream was in, was like mine but in a different “configuration.”

What came to me, trying to process this dream and calm myself down, was it was not meant to scare me, it was information.  Recordings are like the Horcruxes  in Harry Potter.  We “choose” who had immortality in this process (tv, movies, books and music).  The energy of our attention (adoration) and the emotions attached to what we watch determines what kind of immortal those recorded will be.  Often conflicted.  This brought forth E=Mc2 from my reading about Albert Einstein’s life.  About how yesterday I came to understand Hiroshima was like splitting God into two parts – turning energy against energy….God against themselves!  What came to me this morning also was remembering about God being a jealous God in the Old Testament,  isn’t jealousy a human emotion?  What I have come to wonder is if Time is God’s way of both punishing and loving us for making mistakes like Hiroshima.  Like them saying to us, “I will give you “time” to make amends.”  I visualized us, this whole earth being like one of God’s snowglobes.   Who else but a God could make Time?  I know….out there to think such things but that’s how I think – how things are “alike” more than “unalike” which is a phrase I have heard from poet Maya Angelou.  It is in this way of thinking I have come to this God of my understanding.

 

The second dream was very short but woke me up also because it was so vivid.  It was about being in church or somewhere like it and reading a passage and it being the same frequency as someone else reading it.  Then for the second time I go back and there is a young man with dark hair and eyes with those black horned rimmed glasses who is like a “substitute” for someone else when I come again.  He wants to read with me and just before I begin to read I can hear him whisper  “I love you.”  Then I woke up.  There are a lot of people I admire, of many different walks of life, that wear those sort of glasses so it could have been anyone.

Recently I bought a book about the life of Albert Einstein written by Elma Ehrlich Levinger from Half Price Books in Burleson TX.  I haven’t quite finished it, but what I have read so far has been very interesting.  I remember hearing or reading something about him saying that he hoped when he closed his eyes after looking at the moon that it would still be there when he opened his eyes.  He would have been an interesting person that I would have liked to meet to talk to him about my perception of God as energy.  I have had many people teach me about energy.  One recent person was Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer.   I really enjoyed season 1 of his show and learned a lot from it and also his web site.  He taught me about better ways to walk our dogs by understanding that our state of mind when we walk our dogs can literally be sent through the leash to the dog we are walking.  I had at one time expressed a hope that he could come to Alvarado TX and help our Animal Control folks with all the large dogs they are having to find homes for.

Before Cesar was a man named Nikola Tesla.  Nikola is a man from history that I feel is so important and I am so grateful he existed.   Many years ago, I lived in Colorado Springs Colorado where they had a museum dedicated to his work there.  I regret never having made the time to go and see it.  He is a man from history, along with several others, that I kind of had a crush on lol.  I think this is because they remind me of my Dad when he was a young man.  My Dad was very handsome when he was younger and like me, didn’t really get a chance to enjoy the person he was then.  My Dad did his very best to make sure I had food, clothing and shelter all by himself and this was very difficult.

I’m not very close with the family of my past for many reasons.  Since moving here to Texas, I have had several problems that were similar in nature to what my Mom Jeanne went through.  I think, but do not know for certain, that this might be a contributing factor to our distance.  When I am around family and people from my past, old baggage gets unpacked in my head and this is very difficult for me.  I am hoping that for my future, I can get a fresh start.

To close, something really important about what I’ve shared here is principles I learned from attending Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings.   In AA we learned about the 12 steps and also about making amends to those we have harmed.  Sometimes, I have found from my own experience, it can do more harm than good to make amends with some people.  Sometimes it’s better if you just go your own separate ways.  I have had to do a lot of healing on my own, away from the people of my past.  Having those same people back into my life would possibly cause me more personal harm than good.  It’s not to say I don’t want that the people from my past to exist and have their own lives, they just don’t have to be part of my current life.  It is my right as a human being to decide who is and who isn’t part of my life.

There are people in the world I haven’t met yet that I would like to meet.  I will turn this over to the care of the God of my understanding, energy.  I hope something here has resonated with you.  This edit, 17 April 2018, is me revisiting past blogs that I have here and providing more details or context.  I am not a healthcare professional, a doctor, a scientist or anyone like that.  Please, as you read what I write here, use discernment and or critical thinking.  Read and then decide for yourself if this resonates with you.  If it does not, please keep searching for your messenger.   Whatever I share here comes from one place, my heart and love energy.

My husband and I go over these blogs before I write them and he sometimes reads them on his own.  I hope reader that you have a good support system to help you today.

(A personal request I have is if you choose to use any of the material here, any of my pictures or art that you do so with the same intention with which I intended, not for profit.  There are people in this world who can’t afford to buy books or attend self-help workshops and might benefit from what I share here.  My intention at making this blog was never to profit from it, just to try and help anyone who might stumble into it.)

10 Feb 2018 Houses and Becoming (17 April 2018 edited version)

Hello again. It’s cold and getting colder by the minute as I write. Today will be an inside day I think! This morning I finished working on the blanket I started working on back in January of last year! It’s a corner to corner pattern that my friend Erin and Red Heart Yarn taught me how to do and it’s pretty much the only one I use now lol.

I did get out for a quick chalk meditation this morning and some interesting stuff came forward. For many, what I am sharing with you may not resonate with your belief systems, culture, morals or value system…may seem strange even. You may not agree with what is here and that is perfectly fine! Everyone has a comfort zone….a “warm blanket” if you will. I am just passing on what came to me with no expectation from you the reader.

A phrase kept popping into my head this morning, “Old God’s in New Houses.” This is a phrase that came from a film called Queen of the Damned and sadly, one of my favorite female musicians was in it, Aaliyah.  After Aaliyah died in a terrible plane crash I was devastated.  It is so sad to me that such a tragedy should happen to such a talented young woman as she was.  Every time I see the movie, I am reminded of what a great loss was suffered by the music world at her passing.

Who are you? Did you know once a long time ago but the world beat and or numbed it out of you? I am hoping to empower you to be who God brought you here to be. To remember who you are and if you can’t and want to, do the work here in this shared dream this planet-sized school we are all in, and find out!

When I think of Aaliyah and from my own personal experiences of what I’ve observed in the world, this seems to be happening.  Have you ever met someone and felt like you met them before? What was it about them?  A look, a gesture, a walk, a way of speaking, something they said, sharing sentences…a smell?  Some of this is just nature of course but I believe there is more to it than that.  Perhaps on some level you have or did. If you think about the entire cycle of life, death and new life why would that not be possible? What if the energy all around us, capable of making an entire planet full of life, not have such a system? Recycling? Repurposing? What is energy? To me? God! What is God? Life, death and new life. How do we get there? It’s a process and it takes time but it is eternal.  I believe the Gods of many understanding and my own have kept their promise to all of us with this beautiful blessing of earth.

The  most valuable lessons I have learned from this life thus far has come from my observance of trees and nature.  The tree of life symbol from various different religions and walks of spirit is what resonates with me the most.  I believe that whatever we feel we have lost in the passing of someone we love is returned to us beyond measure.  This happened with our loss of our precious fur babies Sam, Blondie, Amber and May.  In the void left by their passing, they have returned to us in other ways.  I see their return and presence in nature and all of it’s forms.  The Wiccan, Native American and Buddhist walks of faith  have been milestones for me from my Christian and Catholic foundations in faith.  Each walk of faith, in my opinion, has had a contribution to my overall perspective of spirituality.

When I was stationed at Travis AFB, one of my ex-husbands roommates was a Satanist.  He was a good man and we actually were able to communicate about difficult subjects.  We never completely got a long but there was good in him.  I try to find the positive in all people, the best I can find and sometimes it’s almost impossible.  When I feel I can’t find anything positive about someone, I will pray for them and I say this in the context of not being any particular walk of spirit.  I don’t believe in hero’s and villains, good or evil or any labels put on people that make them either good or bad.  This is why I have chosen a “no labels” path for myself….it is a very lonely path to walk.  I have had a dream for a long time of all of us walking together as one but not to be ruled or made slaves.  My dream is that we would all walk together as family.

Part of the walking together involves something called forgiveness.  I think it was Oprah Winfrey that I learned this from.  We will forgive but that doesn’t mean we forget.  Right now I am feeling like a bunch of stuff I had already worked through is getting brought back up for someone else’s benefit or may be I thought I was finished with it and perhaps wasn’t.  I don’t believe we experience anything for no reason….it’s not a coincidence.  I believe everything is connected to divine timing and just how the God of energy operates.

I hope something here resonates with you today.  I am revisiting some of my blogs here and if you should come across some that are incomplete or missing pictures etc. it’s because I was considering deleting this blog entirely just so I wouldn’t hurt anyone.