15 October 2021

Hello. How are you? I’m am doing ok – just real tired. I haven’t been sleeping that well. It was only once around the block today. I’m starting to feel like an old dog!! Must be the cold getting in my bones!

Yesterday I went over to my Aunt and Uncles house for linner (lunch/dinner). They had invited some of their friends and their daughter too . It was nice to have a home cooked meal with such good company. Playing a round of Farkle (dice game) which my Aunt won. Being with them helped me forget my troubles for awhile . For just a couple hours the world seemed happy and peaceful – normal. When I am with my family I feel so loved and cared about. I wish the whole world could know what that’s like. So many lives seem to be in a state of chaos right now.

When I look at the news lately everything is for shit. It’s like there isn’t any hope. Just more of the same crap – fear mongering and scare tactics. All the stuff love can’t buy but money can. If you pay attention to this stuff you have to ask where God is in all of it. I believe God is showing us just how broken we are.

All broken aside, I want to focus on the good stuff. I woke up today. I have wonderful family and friends. I have a roof over my head. Food in my belly. My health is pretty good yet. I have a sweet dog. I have transportation. I want to believe there is enough of what I need in this world. I want to believe my higher power has my back and is looking out for me. No matter how broken this world appears to be, there are moments like I had yesterday. People still caring about each other and coming together in fellowship and love.

So what are you grateful for today? What makes you happy ? How do you stay positive ? I’d love to hear from you!

11 October 2021 Living Your Faith

Hello. How are you? I got a walk in it was chilly and cold. I’m not ready for cold weather again so soon. It seems like just yesterday the trees across the street were blooming!! Sadly I’m not in charge of the earths thermostat !

This morning on the walk I asked what I should write about and the topic that came forth is a hard one . It was about living your faith in your day to day life. Faith isn’t just in sacred text, holy days and churches, temples and synagogues. It’s every day. Sometimes it’s confusing. I have a lot of trouble with the conflicting guidance you get from the Old and New testament . I prefer the messages in the New Testament :

Matthew 5:43-48New International Version

Love for Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a](A) and hate your enemy.’(B) 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,(C) 45 that you may be children(D) of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.(E) 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?(F) Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.(G)

It’s easy to love those who love you back and are lovable. It’s easy to pray for your friends and family. Right now I’m having a situation where I’m being challenged to be able to care about someone but not be hurt by caring. I have to keep my distance or risk my own mental health and well being.

How do you live your faith and still stay mentally sound? Something that I’ve done and has been done to me is letting someone go with love. You wish a person a well and happy life but because of irreconcilable differences you can’t be part of each other’s lives. You don’t stop loving and caring for a person but you don’t tolerate their oftentimes negative activity in your life.

It is hard to practice your own advice sometimes especially when your a softy like I am ! It’s easy to take the path of least resistance but end up being a doormat as a result . Thankfully I have a strong support system that is trying to keep me from being that. They don’t want to see me be anybody’s emotional punching bag!

The question remains how do you live your faith in your daily life and still remain intact ? How do all the walks of faith on earth keep it together when it feels like this world is falling apart ? How do you not go crazy trying to live up to ancient doctrine in a world that seems so contrary to most of it ? It feels like we are divided tribes at war for the same sacred spaces . So many questions and so many conflicting answers .

I am still on my quest of faith. I’m one of those that hasn’t quite settled on a path. What does it mean for me to live my faith then? What is my faith? I’m sure The God of my understanding is at work in my life. I just have to remain open minded and willing to proceed. Like I learned in AA just keep doing the next right thing.

22 June 2019 Focus

Hello to you.  This morning has been a bit rough for me.  I found out some upsetting news about the health of my neighbors and I found myself feeling very sad and powerless.  What could I do but cry with them?  Give them  hug?  Reassurance?  Pass on their situation to people who I know are prayer/meditation warriors that could add their names to their list for daily intentions?

After breakfast I realized there was something else I could do not only for them but for myself.  I lay down on the grass and talked and cried with the one I love so much, the Earth.  I curled up into a ball like a small child and let it all go and was comforted just like being held in loving arms.  I have done this before.  It’s hard to remember sometimes, when you are all upset and stuck in a moment what to do or who to talk to about such things and get any kind of relief.

Some people talk to priests and people of the church, some call family, some talk to their pets, some people will dig deeper into work, exercise, hobbies…distractions and some people do destructive things because they just don’t know what else to do about what they are feeling.

Feelings get so big that you might feel like you could get lost in them and not find your way out.  I’ve done all the things I’ve mentioned but the thing I did this morning has been the best for me.  The Earth and sky is “big enough” to carry these things I take on sometimes.  I feel bad dumping on other living beings with this kind of pain because it’s “so big.”  I know how it feels when it happens to me.  Most times, like this morning with our neighbors, I feel so small.  I feel powerless and sad!  Sometimes it’s so strong I just want to jump out of my skin!

The other thing I realized was this, and I ran the number values on it and the answers I got matched up for me:

“Focus on what you love, what you want to happen, don’t give power to what you don’t want in this world

(Focus = 64 112/126/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150)

(Grass/true/mercy/chosen =64) (Vulnerable = 112) (Brain=44) (Love=54) (Child=36) (Self/War/balanced=42)(Earth/Caring=52) (Information=134)

(Communication/Understanding/Fifty States = 150) (Purple heart = 140) (Quality of Life = 158) (All = 25)

Ordinal number value: 1109  174/159/118/117/133/146

Two people suffering with a difficult situation, a “90/9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle” set of circumstances.  Some “74’s” are energy, Jesus, Lucifer, Alvarado, trauma, talking, cross, cloud and parts to name just a couple I’ve found in my journey with this system.  I also turned to my Mom and Dad, a 47 and 74 in the number’s to ask for their prayers.  The number 47 is also the value for Time.  The number 59 is Wish, cruel and spare.  The number 118 is witnessed.  The number 117 “I’m sorry.” The number 133 condensation…tears.  The number 146 relationship.  These two neighbors have been so good to us ever since we moved here and those two are like peas and carrots together.  It just hurts to see them going through this.  I want the very best for them both.

So again this morning I had to remember the question/answer/phrase I use when there are bad storms and I want them to go away:

What do you want to happen?  Focus on what  you want to happen not what you don’t.”

The Ordinal number value for this = 859/133/146.

“Who did I cry on? Who comforted me in my sorrow? The Earth.  I lay down and wept and was comforted.”

Ordinal number value for this = 911 110/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150

Comforted = 99 84/109/140/158/125/134/150

(Thirteen = 99) (Woman = 66, a right side up 99)

Emergency number = 168 135/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150

(In United States you call 911 for help. Most people use a telephone or cell phone)

(human = 57) human being = 94) (humans = 76) (planet = 68) (people = 69) (psychologist =168)

Good health = 95 84/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

“Turn a frown into a smile and turn the frown upside down” = 598/133/146

Powerless = 132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150

(Life = 32)

Powerful = 116 120/156/128/141/128

(Eternity = 116)

Thought = 99 84/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Power = 77 130/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Feeling = 58 91/76/117/133/146

(A Feeling = 59)

Strength = 111 102/156/128/141/128

(Computer=111) (Why = 56) (Man=28) (Garbage=41) (Energy exchange=141)

Weakness = 97/107/163/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Strong = 93 98/91/76/117/133/146

Weak = 40 124/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Emotion = 91 76/117/133/146

“To show Emotion” = 191 110/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150

Thanks for stopping by today!  Hopefully something here will resonate with you at some level.  Writing this helps me work through my feelings about painful experiences and this system often helps give me insights I didn’t have before I began exploring it.