22 May 2018 Dust, Purple and Blue Cars, Alaskan Hunting and Flowers

Hello to you.  It’s a beautiful, yet very dusty Tuesday morning.   We have metal and glass furniture with electronics on top and near them.  The effort of dusting is pretty much a futile activity at our house lol.  The sun is shining on my desk exposing all the dust particles and I look at it thinking, “have I ever cleaned this house?!”

Funny Facebook Meme from We are Moms Club yesterday:

When life gets you down and you feel you can’t go on, just remember who will always
be there for you, Dishes,  they will literally always be there.

@Adventuresinbliss

I don’t feel very rested this morning.  More busy dreaming.  I only remember a fragment about really fast purple and blue cars that looked like those old El Camino’s but they had closed cabs on the back and were a bit more modernized.  I don’t know why literal cars are popping up in my dreams but they are.  I am thinking these are analogies for what I’m seeing on the political front lately with “people cars.”  I saw Bernie Sanders is talking about a re-election bid yesterday.  Are we talking about this already?!  I saw something that made me sick and I don’t even want to believe they are considering doing this:  https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2018/may/21/trump-administration-moves-reverse-obama-era-hunti/Trump administration moves to reverse Obama-era hunting restrictions in Alaska.  Is it me, or does it seem like when things aren’t going his way he starts attacking the environment?  Just something I’ve noticed.  I am trying so hard to find the good in this administration and I am coming up bankrupt again after seeing this.  I felt physically ill last night reading about this.  If I lived in Alaska I would be standing in front of the hibernating bears and their cubs.  This seems like such a dishonorable and senseless style of hunting to me.  Is Alaska really that hard up for revenue to consider allowing this?!  There seems to be something wrong with the moral compass in this world unless there are things I just don’t know that make this seem necessary.  Don’t these beings have it hard enough to have to endure even more cruelty from humanity?

8 21 14 20 9 14 7

H U N T I N G = 93 (3 cycle)

21 May 2018 – flowers and spirits of gratitude and thanks for all the beings that have been helping me get restored back to center.

6 12 15 23 5 18 19

F L O W E R S = 98

Advertisements

21 May 2018 Breaking down walls

20 May 2018 – we had some wonderful rain. God cleaned off my canvas 🙂

Reading this first thing this morning helped me a lot.   What if this message could transcend all the barriers we put up to separate ourselves from each other?!  What if this message could transcend and eventually melt tools people use to harm one another into playgrounds and places that would bring us together in peace?  May be some day.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/pope-francis-tells-gay-man-god-made-you-like-that/ar-AAxzTp8

Describing his encounter with the Pope to CNN, Cruz said: “You know Juan Carlos, that does not matter. God made you like this. God loves you like this. The Pope loves you like this and you should love yourself and not worry about what people say.”

19 May 2018 – what happens when you don’t go to a professional to go blonde LOL!  I am working on finding my way through the darkness I’ve been in.  I’m so grateful for my family (two and four legged) and dear friends who love me no matter how wild it gets. 

 

6 18 9 5 14 4 19

F R I E N D S = 75 (3 cycle)

6 1 13 9 12 25

F A M I L Y = 66 (3 cycle)

2 5 12 15 22 5 4

7 18 1 20 5 6 21 12

G R A T E F U L = 90 (9 cycle)

B E L O V E D = 65

19 16 9 18 9 20 21 1 12 9 20 25

S P I R I T U A L I T Y = 179

2 12 15 14 4 5

B L O N D E = 52

Yesterday I got a little teary thinking about my dogs and cats.  It’s because I was feeling overwhelmed by all the art and writings I have through the house.  Dogs and cats are so simple.  What do they leave behind by way of material things but a collar, a leash and a few toys?  What matters the most is what they leave in my heart….so much love and gratitude!  Intangible things you can’t hold on to with your hands!   I found the actual story where a vet shares a beautiful story and explanation from a little boy about why dogs don’t live as long as humans.

http://blog.nilesanimalhospital.com/2011/10/normal-0-false-false-false.html

Why Dogs Don’t Live as Long as Humans

A four year old child’s wisdom

(From the internet….author unknown)

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten year old Irish wolfhound, named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa and their little boy Shane were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer.

I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog. Ron and Lisa told me that they thought it would be good for the four year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few moments, Belker slipped away peacefully. The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.” Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I never had heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, “People are born so that they learn how to live a good life – like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The four year old continued, “Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

Posted by Peter Sakas at 7:57 AM

13 May 2018 Dreaming stone (Labradorite) and Mom’s Day

Hello to you.  Today has been a really  nice day.  My sweetheart cooked us dinner while I was outside drawing and sweating – really warm and humid today.

13 May 2018 – this drawing is me thinking of myself as a baby blue dragon clutching my labradorite ball last night. I had like 2 or 3 lucid dreams in a row! One of them is represented by the little black girl holding a pink crystal necklace. She wanted to take it and I told her no. There is also a box represented by the realtor like lady from one of the dreams last night. There is a box with two people with huge dogs – these special beautiful beings seem to show up and just disappear for me. The dogs they are with are almost like spirits more than dogs.

Hope all the folks that nurture others are having a special day.   The term “Mom” isn’t just for women in my book.  I called my Mom today and it was hard because there was so much I wanted to say but tears got to me first.  For all my Mom and I have been through, I just dearly love her and am so grateful for all the important things she managed to get through my thick skull.  This is her first Mother’s Day without her Mom and I can only imagine how surreal that would be if I were in her shoes.  We lost Grandma a couple of months ago.  We had all been praying for her to “be free” but as we all know, it’s not all up to us with these sort of things.

13 May 2018 – drawing I did after I talked to Mom

As I mentioned in my notes with the drawing, last night I decided to sleep with my Labradorite crystal ball and it was like one lucid dream after another.  This hasn’t happened to me in a long time.    Both of the orbs I have are in the picture.  Do you have a favorite crystal for dream travels?

What is Labradorite?

https://www.gemselect.com/gem-info/labradorite/labradorite-info.php

Labradorite Gemstone Information

About Labradorite – History and Introduction

Labradorite is a gemstone that was named after Labrador in Canada, where it was found on the Isle of Paul, near Nain in 1770. It has since been found in other places, including Finland, Madagascar, and Australia. After its discovery, labradorite became popular with the missionaries. Labradorite is a plagioclase feldspar which shows adularescence (a white or bluish light seen when turned). This optical effect is so unique to labradorite that it has been termed “labradorescence”. It is the result of diffraction of light in the layers of rock. When viewed at certain angles, labradorite exhibits such captivating color that has led to Inuit legends stating that the Northern Lights shone down on the shores of Labrador and were captured inside these colorful stones. The most highly valued labradorite is material that shows the full spectrum of color in its labradorescence. Labradorite that does not exhibit labradorescence can still make beautiful gemstones because of aventurescence, which is a glitter caused by diffraction of light from mineral platelets.

There are three further types of labradorite; spectrolite, andesine-labradorite and rainbow moonstone (which is sometimes referred to by the trade name, “Madagascar moonstone”). As the trade name indicates, rainbow moonstone comes from Madagascar and it has an intense blue schiller. Spectrolite is a rare labradorite from Finland. It is known for displaying a beautiful spectral play of color, hence the name, “spectrolite”. Andesine-labradorite is created by enhancing the color of labradorite.

Interesting:

Labradorite Gemstone Mythology, Metaphysical and Alternative Crystal Healing Powers Back to Top

According to an Inuit legend, the Northern Lights are captured in the minerals on the coast of Labrador. This is not surprising considering the magical, iridescent color of labradorite. Labradorite is thought to be a magical stone that possesses powerful protective properties and helps its wearer to find their true path in life. It is thought to “bring light” to the otherwise unknown, and thus provide its wearer with insight. Additionally, labradorite is credited with having the ability to bring out the positive in people and calm overactive minds, bringing peace to its wearer. Labradorite is also thought to soothe menstrual problems, aid disorders of the lungs, prevent colds, help with digestion and regulate both metabolism and blood pressure. In traditional Hindu belief systems, labradorite is associated with the throat chakra, or vishuddha, which is the center of purification. The throat chakra is associated with hearing, speech and self-expression. Wearing labradorite is thought to contribute to true and honest expression. Labradorite is said to facilitate communication between the spiritual and physical world, helping its wearer to recall dreams and experiences from past lives. It is therefore thought to help bring out psychic abilities.

12 1 2 18 1 4 15 18 20 5

L A B R A D O R I T E = 105 =6=3 cycle

 

My children:

13 May 2018 – my kids Spot and Link.

7 May 2018 Anniversary

Hi there.  Hope this finds you well.  Todays theme of words and numbers is in honor of my husband and I celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary tomorrow.  It’s interesting to me how two different words for the same thing, like wedding and marriage,  can come to different outcomes in the numeric realm.  The more I do this, the more I am beginning to see that when the 9 cycle comes up, it’s usually not a positive thing!  Speaking from experience and what I’ve seen in especially America,  marriage can come to be quite a negative arrangement!

How my husband and I began back in FFXI playing Prinzessa and Efess

As with everything, marriage is all what you make of it.  My husband and I have certainly been testing these past few years and yet we are still together!  I tell him he’s already got his angel suite putting up with me!

1  14 14 9 22 5 18 19 1 18 25

A N N I V E R S A R Y = 146 = 1 +4+6=11 can go straight to 11, 2 then 1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 =5+5=10 go straight to 1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 3 +5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1.

23 5 4 4  9 14 7

W E D D I N G= 66 = 6 +6 = 12  1+2 = 3 divided by 2 =1.5 1+5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle (life, death, rebirth)

13 1 18 18 9 1 7 5

M A R R I A G E = 72 = 7 +2 = 9 = 9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 4 +5 = 9 cycle (always comes back to 9)

21 14 9 15 14

U N I O N = 73 = 7 +3 = 10 = 1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 3 + 5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

8 1 14 4 6 1  19 20 9 14 7

H A N D F A S T I N G  (Kyle and I had considered this in lieu of formal marriage) = 103= 1 + 3 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

https://www.brides.com/story/handfasting-wedding-ceremony-101

2 18 9 4 5

B R I D E = 38 = 3 +8 = 11 = 1 + 1 = 2  divided by 2 = 1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 5 + 5 = 10 = 1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 2 + 5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 3 +5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1.  (I prefer the most direct approach)

7 18 15 15 13

G R O O M = 68 = 6 + 8 = 14 = 1 + 4 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 2 + 5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 3 + 5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

8 21 19 2 1 14 4

H U S B A N D = 69 = 6 + 9 = 15 = 1 + 5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 1 + 5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

23 9 6 5

W I F E = 43 = 4 + 3 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 3 + 5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

 

 

26 April 2018 Drawings and Balancer

Hello to you.  Just a quick note to share what I’ve been up to this morning.  I had some anxiety show up out of nowhere this morning and I’ve been having trouble shaking it.  I decided to do a drawing and that actually helped.  I’m thinking about making myself a bunch of cards that I can draw from each day to help cheer me up if I need it.  The last time I did personal cards, I sat down and worked on it for hours.  This time I’m just going to do them as I feel like it.  I have two done so far.  The second one was inspired by seeing a trailer for the new Avengers movie that is showing today.

We had a busy day yesterday.  We had to drive to Arlington to my doctor’s office which is always very stressful.  I decided to take along a couple of things for my doctor to try to help her out as it must be so stressful being her seeing people like me each day!  I had some pretty heavy stuff to share and felt really bad because at home I had been being pretty hard on her!  I wanted to somehow show her my appreciation for at least trying to listen to my concerns and trying to care about me.  I gave her an aluminum pendant I had made.  It had a rainbow bead on it with it to symbolize hope and I also gave her, what I’m calling a “balancer” or healing wand to try out.  I mean who heals our doctors?!

The wands are adapted from the things I learned from the Keshe Foundation.  I am not selling these because I just don’t feel right about doing that.  Whenever I consider the idea, I end up going back to the original intention of Dr. Keshe sharing this information.  He gave to us for free so we could pass it on to pay the blessing forward and also to learn on our own.  Having the chance to learn about this technology online was very inspiring but very hard for me to keep up with!  I just don’t have the attention span for long lectures.  I never made my own Magrav power unit but did try several things related to the research like a battery and pain pens.

I ended up using the concepts to come up with things that I was interested in.  Some people are interested in the applications for home energy use, others are interested in food and health and still others are interested in how this technology could have applications for space travel.  I try to share the information whenever I have an appropriate opportunity.  I am hoping someone  may see what I share here and have it ignite a spark of imagination.  From my own personal experience and from what I’ve seen, you should never underestimate the power of human ingenuity!

Most times when I make things like this, it is my way of trying to give back to people who don’t often get any appreciation at all like my doctors.  Sometimes people ask me to make them things and if they provide me the materials and or the finances to acquire the materials, I will do it.   I had my husband “test” the one in the picture on himself.  He doesn’t always feel anything with these things.  With this one, he said he felt a magnetic pull on his skin.  With other ones I’ve had him there he has felt warmth.  The sensation for me is like a power surge.  I am wearing the one pictured to help me with my personal issues with physical, emotional and spiritual balance.  I can tell the difference when I have it on and when I take it off.  It might be partially a placebo, the “wanting it to work” and I guess with most anything, that’s half of achieving healing isn’t it?  Belief that you will get better, that you can be better?  Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wear such a device and not need so many pills and surgeries?!  May be some day!

If you decide to make these types of things for yourself, remember they will not have my energy signature which is different than yours will be.  No one has the same energy signature.  From personal experience, I believe whatever you craft with your own hands is imbued with your personal energy.  If you were to try and manufacture these with a machine, I doubt they would have the same effect but I don’t know for sure.  I think it’s better to personalize this sort of device with a hands-on approach.  Kind of like in the old days when crafters like blacksmiths and the like made their own tools that were suited perfectly to them.

26 April 2018 – this is something I made for myself using what I learned from the Keshe Foundation. Here is a link to information about other applications if you would like to make an power unit for your home or automobile: https://www.slideshare.net/exopolitika/keshe-magrav-power-coil-production-step-by-step-pp24-oct302015

Anyhew…hope this is helpful.  I have made wands like this the side of earrings.  I use screwdrivers of varying sizes to wind the coils.  Sometimes I use hot glue to seal the openings on the end etc.  I purchased the wire at Michael’s craft store in Burleson.  It is 20 gauge copper wire from a company named Bead Landing in Pakistan.  Before using the wire, I prayed for those people who make the wire that I have the privilege to use for this purpose.   I try to do that for everything I buy and use.  There is so much involved the production of just about everything we often take for granted in this world!

P.S we found a essential oil diffuser at Michael’s yesterday and it didn’t require a filter!  So far so good!  Both of our allergies have been really acting up and diffusing Young Living Peppermint oil has been helping.  If we still had Amber and May, our cats, I don’t know if we could do this as they both seemed sensitive to this sort of thing.

(Thinking this may be my husband and my anniversary date movie!  I am excited to see everyone working together.  I would love it if somehow DC and Marvel did the same.  Can you imagine?!  I know blasphemy but hey, I am a dreamer!)

Marvel Studios’ Avengers: Infinity War – Official Trailer

19 April 2018 Elections Dilemma

Hello to you. It’s Thursday as I write to you in your where and when. Have you ever had a lot on your mind? Have you ever had a bunch of things you think you should do but just can’t bring yourself to do any of the things you used to do? My current dilemma is voting in the upcoming elections in our town. I have seen signs around town telling me who is running for office, but I don’t know who these people are. There are a lot of issues I’m concerned about but don’t even know if my going to vote will have any impact. My husband and I have voted before and just didn’t feel like our votes counted. I guess I’m experiencing a bit of apathy about things like this.  All of what I am sharing is from my own personal experience and so keep that in mind if you decide to read what I’ve written here!

There are several major concerns for me.  They are ongoing issues we’ve been dealing with as a community since my husband and I moved here back in 2009.  We  have tried to do something about many of these things but little has changed.  Many of the issues are town has had to face are so expensive, like the city water system, that it’s been a very slow walk to getting things dealt with.

Am I a bad person if I don’t choose to vote on 5 May 2018?

Well it would make me a hypocrite of sorts. My husband and I have been hard on people in the past when they told us they weren’t going to vote.  For the 2016 election, my husband and I went and voted. We each voted for we who we felt would best serve the country.  We prepared as best we could.   I voted for a candidate that was a 3rd party candidate.  My hope was that if enough people would do so, we would have the option for future elections.  Unfortunately, my thought process didn’t seem to make a difference.   It seems, as is customary,  most people voted along party lines.

I feel like we need more choices….more options.  There is a quote I have read somewhere,  by Mark Twain that says “if voting truly mattered, they wouldn’t let us do it.” I guess it’s a darned if you, darned if you don’t kind of set of circumstances. If you don’t vote, you kind of give up the right to complain about the results but ironically….we still complain anyways regardless of how things go!

There is a part of the voting process I have a problem with, the electoral college.  It feels like with this system in place, the value of our votes is somehow diminished.  When my husband and I lived in Delaware, it was primarily a Democratic state. We registered as Democrats.  We voted in the 2008 election and felt like our vote mattered.  Now we live in Texas, which is primarily a Republican state. We are still registered Democrats.   Knowing what we do about the Electoral College, it felt like our vote in the 2016 election was pretty much irrelevant.  It seems like, as I look back over the past couple of years, there is a divine plan at work.  For those of you who read my blog on a regular basis, you know that there has been a part of me wondering if this wasn’t some reverse psychology experiment to try to repair our damaged country.   I want to believe positive changes are manifesting as I write today!

So what do I do for this upcoming local election right??  Not vote and risk losing the option or vote and get a resentment? I’m just not sure yet what I will do.  My Mom, for the last elections in her town, and I’ve done this too, got ballots prior to the election.  She did this so she could research what was up for voting before she went in and cast her ballot.  There doesn’t seem to be an easy, unbiased way to research candidates especially for local elections. Not everyone has easy access to the internet. I don’t know if my town has ballots people can pick up to read and information about candidates. Sometimes I’ve seen stuff like this at the public library.  I wonder if they have ever considered mailing them out to all those in their water bill system?  We get both an electronic and paper copy of our bill now.  We tried to pay online, but there is a service fee and we chose not to participate.

I would like to see more diverse representation of life for our town. For one local election a few years ago, one of the candidates, a woman, actually walked around and came to our door to talk to us. We ended up voting for her but she lost to incumbents holding office. We had a lot of admiration for her being willing to actually take the time to talk to us in person so we could put a face with the name on the ballot. Right now, as it stands, I do not feel qualified to vote for our local election.   I have a lot of concerns I think a candidate should know about and hopefully address in their tenure in office.

I am concerned about our drinking water and personally concerned about living next to natural gas lines running along utility lines along a major road.  The soil in which the lines are running is expansive clay soil and next the lines are several electrical and internet lines.  I was very upset when they fracked the natural gas well in between our middle school and junior high school.  We had a gas leak a couple of years ago and didn’t find out about it until a neighbor who used gas in their house told us about it.  Why aren’t there sensors all along the lines or are there?  Are they being monitored so if something goes wrong people are directly notified?  If not, why not?!  We have natural gas lines running all through our town and it really kind of scares me.  I’ve written about the issues we’ve had since we moved here many times.  I have deleted many posts just because it seemed like a moot point because it just keeps happening.  I feel bad for the person running our town, heck our state.  It must be very difficult to be responsible for managing something like a city, state or country.  So much money is required to maintain what seems to be a crumbling infrastructure.  For our town, a lot of those repairs are chronic and homeowners like myself end up paying more than once for what it takes to extract energy from the earth.  We have spent thousands of dollars on our home and all the repairs we’ve had to make are not covered by our home owners insurance.  I know with all energy systems there is risk, but natural gas is particularly scary for me.  Even though we don’t choose to use it in our home, we are still subjected to the risks our neighbors incur by choosing to use it in their homes and businesses.

We are getting a new subdivision down the street when we have so many other pre-existing things going on that are not be addressed it seems. The other day I was using a pot of tap water with some essential oil in it and it cooked all the way down. There was a white powder residue at the bottom of the pot! I have seen this same white powder on my soaker hose that we use to water the grass and that’s part of the reason we don’t drink tap water in our town.  We reported the problem to the city and they came out to investigate.  They told us just to run the lines to clear it which didn’t make sense to me.    We have had reoccurring problems with regards to drinking water ever since we first moved here.  I have a health condition and have to take medication as do many other people in our area.  There are many families with elderly and young children.  I hope the water is safe.   Personally I would like to be able to trust the tap water and stop having to feel like I need to buy water in plastic containers from the local grocery store.

I hope that whomever is elected will ensure each department has enough staff.  A couple of years ago, prior to the contract being approved for the subdivision near completion down the street,  I warned the city that they needed to make sure we had adequate resources for growth. Just the traffic alone is a concern.  With 120 units going in,  with a minimum of 2 cars per house, that’s about 240 additional cars being added to the traffic on North Cummings.  There are currently only two ways out of the subdivision and in the event of an emergency, this could prove to be a hardship for the families living there now.  I think the city still has the option, to create another exit point.  I have been told the RV Park owns the property that would be required to make another exit point for the neighborhood.

I hope the people who plan to run the town are going to make sure we have the dog park that we were told by other citizens was promised some 15 or 20 years ago.  A lot of people have dogs in our town.  I have tried to participate in local politics.  I served on the Planning and Zoning Committee, the Parks board and my husband and I used to attend City Council meetings.  We stopped having anything to do with most things going on in town after what happened with the subdivision process.  I was pretty hurt about it.  I went before the council and spoke for probably 15 minutes with my Mom, my husband and another neighbor present.  I didn’t feel we were prepared for what adding so many more people to the town would mean and what I said didn’t seem to matter.  It was like they had already decided what they were going to do and just let me talk anyways.

Sigh….such is local politics and pretty much every layer on up to the White House in my opinion. It’s so complex and so hard to find a middle ground for just about anything it seems. I am going to be praying about what I should do and do a little research to see if there is anything on the City web page about the election: http://www.cityofalvarado.org/.

I hope something here is helpful to someone out there.  I’m not trying to put a stick in the hive.  I am just sharing my own personal experience with the voting process from a perspective at the lowest level and I hope it’s helpful.   Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself what you would do if you were in similar circumstances.  You can decide to do nothing or to at least try to speak up.  Writing is pretty much the only way I have found for myself that I can try to make any sort of difference for hopefully the better.

26 Aug 2016 – I wrote this in my pink spirit book while waiting to get a military identification card and it seems appropriate to share with all this:

We choose our anger

We choose which

Direction we look

We choose our hallowed ground

Our battlegrounds

For war or peace

Each space between an action

A thought unspent

A choice

A promise kept

It’s so easy to choose

A reflex….a flash

Buying a way out

With someone else’s cash

Whichever direction

We choose to fill the space

In between thought and deed

We best avoid reliance

On the currency

Of greed……

 

18 April 2018 Difficulty in rising above obstacles in my own life

Hello to you.  I hope this finds you doing well today.  I’m doing ok but a little frustrated with my life at the moment.  I think my biggest frustration at the moment is my medical situation and the mail system in regards to my personal life.  I am having to practice mind over matter a lot lately to not let myself get pulled down by forces outside of myself.  I am having to, almost every minute of the day, rise above obstacles that are put in front of me by other well meaning individuals.   I have family and friends who like to write me letters and it’s very thoughtful but makes me feel obligated to write them back even when I am not wanting to do so.  In the past letter writing was effortless for me but now I find myself suspicious of everyone and everything.  I am having severe trust issues with even those, who in the past, were close to me.

With my being on yet another new medication, this isn’t helping me trust most anyone at this time.  I have been feeling like a prisoner or a hostage in my own home.  I don’t have much of a say of what my daily activities are and this doesn’t help me feel any better either.  This makes me feel like a child and I’m 50 years old!  I am 50 years old in years but inside I have always been much younger.  My way of being can make people feel very protective of me and this is increasingly a source of frustration at the moment.   The only way for them to contact me, they have found in the past, is through letters. I can’t stand talking on the phone, have stopped using any social media and  that is frustrating for people wanting to stay in touch with me who use those modalities for communication.  I currently have a stack of unread letters that I will read,  but as it stands at the moment, do not want to respond to.  Will the people writing take personal offense to my not wanting to write them back?  Hard to say.  I am not famous or in any political office, but I can imagine what I am dealing with is much the same for them at times.  I have written one fan letter in my entire life and I received a response but I am not even sure, at this point, who it was actually from.  I shared here about receiving the letter but deleted the post for concern of my own safety and their privacy.  It feels like every single thing I do is wrong sometimes.  After I received the response I thought was from them, I tried to send another note, it was a Christmas card.  I sent the Christmas card as a courtesy to the same person.  The first letter was sent to them during a time they were going through a crisis and I wanted to help.   I wrote to and it was returned on the same day I found out David Bowie had died….it was devastating for me to have that happen.   I still have both notes but sometimes wonder if I should even keep them.

I am running into a quandary about letters and if I should keep them.  They are part of the history that oftentimes gets lost.  Little people like me, my family and friends get lost in time if we just throw everything away but I am just so overwhelmed.  I don’t want to end up buried with papers all over the place of stuff I just don’t know what to do with!  I am not a hoarder and do not like to keep everything.  Oh to have a professional archivist at my disposal!  I have boxes and boxes of negatives that need to be processed and no clue what to do with it all.  UGH!

May be this resonates with someone who might visit today.  In my sharing this I just want to let you know you aren’t alone.  Sometimes life can seem like it’s closing in and the boundaries of it are very small but there is one space no one can take….the spirit.  I firmly believe that no matter what life hands me, my spirit energy is connected with the God of my understanding.  The God of my understanding remains the Source of all creation to include nature.  Everything I am and ever could hope to be is by the grace of this amazing Source of energy.  Whenever I feel like I am being torn down, beaten up, and about to give up, the Source will tap me with something as fine as a blade of grass to my face to encourage me to get back on my feet.  I don’t expect anyone else to subscribe to this belief system, but may be something will resonate and encourage you, if you have fallen down, to get back up.

There is a song that a counselor at a hospital I once stayed at who introduced me to, “Fear” by Blue October.  It helped me so much.  After I got out of the hospital I found out they had more songs and one of them is called “Home.”  Thinking about this song reminds me of how grateful I am for music of all kinds.  Music has been a source of great strength for me most of my life along with spirituality.

Some time ago I shared information about a non-profit organization called Music and Memory.  I believe in my heart, based on my own experience, that indeed these folks may be on to something.  It’s wonderful to imagine people getting a device with music and their being able to come to life inside.   Just singing to someone, without a device, could help too I think.  Like when children and groups go to hospices, hospitals and rehabilitation centers and perform for the residents and clients there.  If you are interested in learning more about Music and Memory, they have a web site and they also have videos on YouTube.  We have donated to them as part of our Christmas gifts exchange before instead of actual Christmas gifts.

We all fall down and I believe that God, or whatever name you would personally use for the God of your understanding, wants us to get back up and help each other walk again.  May be someday, my dream of a life without having the labels others put on me will actually be possible.  I hope something here resonates with you and helps you.

18 Feb 2018 Who are we now?

Hello to you.  It’s 11:45 am on this cool, gray Sunday.  I just wanted to share a positive word.  I feel like I am discovering a way to be useful in this world, and it’s not an easy process but a process just the same – seeking and finding the positive things in people, places and things.   I used to be really good at this – when I was a child of course.  Well thankfully, inside, I still feel my inner child very much alive!  The part of me that our Sam taught me to hold on to – there are no strangers in this world, just family you haven’t met yet.  Not just friends, FAMILY.  Why do I say that?  With my understanding of God as energy.   If everything is energy and everything is God then that makes us all – every single form of life know and unknown – family!

Anyhew.   In my meditation this morning, the message that came forth was about how the past can hang and or trip us up to getting to where we want to go.  I have shared this before here but I will share it again:  “It’s not who we were in the past, it’s who we are now.”  The God of my understanding doesn’t care about the past because Time is our device.  The God of my understanding doesn’t care about what mistakes we’ve made in the past only if we don’t learn from them and intentionally keep repeating them.  If we don’t even try to make amends to those we’ve wronged to include ourselves.

As I sat outside doing this drawing and meditation a thought occurred to me for places we could start making amends – prisons of all kinds, nursing homes, mental health facilities, rehabilitation centers and our churches.  All the places for humans, animals and plants that could be considered cages.  Unconditional love and forgiveness has not been taught or learned by many.  What if we were to work together starting in a place we all share….the heart?  Just a thought…an idea with a positive intention and or motive.

 

14 Feb 2018 Every day

Hello to you this day, where and when you are as you visit me here.  It’s Valentines Day.  Yesterday was my 50th birthday – almost a Valentines baby from what they tell me lol.  The heart and what it means both physically and symbolically has always been important to me – what it is the heart does.  It works every single day for our bodies to remind us we are alive….that is if we actually use it for more than just living.  There is a difference between living and being alive.  There are those who know what I mean.  You see them all the time around you. Those people who laugh too loud, hug too hard, make jokes all the time to try to get you to smile or laugh, go out of their way to make you something you didn’t expect just because they care about you….earth angels.

Valentines Day, like many “Hallmark” holidays has become highly commercialized and one of the biggest things they try to sell us is chocolate.  Well, in the past couple of years I have come to look at chocolate differently than I used to.  What is the process to actually get the chocolate?  Who farms the beans to make the chocolate?  I found out some companies buy the beans, like for coffee, from people who are in the practice of slavery.  Slavery of men, women and children for something that tastes so wonderful.  I won’t belabor the point.  If you research on your own, which I recommend, there is plenty of information about this.

The commercialization of holidays is not just the corporations fault.  It is ours too.  Increasingly we are spending more time on acquiring things than appreciating what we already have.  In the case of Valentines Day….the significant other we have married, live with, are dating….I hope…love.

Relationships are like a garden to me.  If you don’t tend to them every single day, and a farmer or gardener will tell you this too, the garden will not do as well and eventually just become inedible “weeds” (I don’t consider all plants to be weeds, I love dandelions for example and eat them for medicinal purposes).

Every single day is the day to take the time for what is most important in this life, what you “love” the most (thank you Richard Gordon and Carol Lee of Quantum Touch Energy Healing).  Don’t wait for holidays and special occasions to love.  Showering those in your world with material possessions and distractions isn’t entirely the way to do that.   Kyle and I “don’t do Valentines Day” not because we don’t appreciate the sentiment of the day, we have Valentines Day every day, birthdays every day, Christmas every day and certainly, my favorite, Thanksgiving every day.  Every day we live is a gift and so are all those we are blessed to share this life with.  God made the animals and God made us (lovely books at The Country Store I was looking at yesterday when we visited there).

My gift, for my birthday, was going to such a wonderful store run by people who love each other and bake bread and provide organic foods and just what you need.  They don’t have a lot of things, they have good things there that are good for you.  When I go in there I am overwhelmed in a positive way unlike most retail stores.  My Grandma and Grandpa Schmidt used to visit the Mennonite people all the time to get flour and other things they needed especially during the times they were raising 6 boys and times were difficult.  There can be such a thing as too many choices….too much.  Make it well, make it last and above all treat those who make it how you would want to be treated….every day.

13 Feb 2018 Seek First to Understand

Hello just a quick post.  I wanted to share some thoughts that came to me today.  I had been feeling anxious and my brain was running pretty fast and I’m tired from not sleeping so well the past couple of nights.  So I grabbed my chalks, even though it is cold out (if you dress appropriately the cold isn’t so bad), and these thoughts came to me….specifically the words of one of my favorite prayers.  The part about seeking to understand versus always being understood specifically.  Most of my life I’ve tried to do the understanding part but it’s not always easy.  Sometimes you want others to “get you” to understand why you are the way you are and you can’t tell them the whole story of why because they have their own problems too.   It’s hard to focus on other people’s “stuff” when while they are talking, you are thinking about your own self the whole time….”what’s in this for me?  why should I care?”  It’s hard to be selfless and empathetic and or caring and also take care of, even “protect” yourself from others stuff.  This is where compromise, respect, treating others like you would want to be treated and healthy boundaries and all that good stuff comes into play.

Anyhew – hope something here resonates.  One person can’t fix a mess as big as the one we’ve got here on Earth.  I know I didn’t make all this mess but I did have my part in all of it.  We each have a part in the mess and have to find our way of working towards a loving, peaceful, non-violent solution to it.  It didn’t happen overnight!  The phrase that keeps coming to me, “Trust the Process.”  For me that means having faith in myself and the God of my understanding that there is a plan in all of this.