5 Dec 2018 Bible Study…She fell in love with a ghost

Hello to you.  the past couple of days I have been riddling out a lot of personal things which include scripture.  For most of my life, pretty much ever since I found out the cause for my birth mother’s taking her own life, post partum depression,  I have been blaming myself.  Post Partum depression, or what they call “Baby Blues” is something that occurs after child birth.  If I hadn’t ever been born may be she wouldn’t have done what she did.  My Dad and I don’t talk much about my Mom and that’s because I know it would hurt him and it hurts me too.   I love my Dad so much.  I know if we embarked on those discussions it would be like opening Pandora’s Box.  He has found a way through this life without opening it.  I must open my own.  We all have one.  A place inside of us that we put things too horrible to face and we shut them away so we can almost forget they even exist.  It’s important to remember even the best of boxes don’t always seal completely shut and contents leak out.

One thing he did tell me about her was her devotion to God and religion.  Perhaps overly so.  Her father, Reverend Harold or Hal Becker, served the God of his understanding for many years.  His wife Carol, my Mom Jeanne, her sister Ruth and their brother Bill were part of that service.  After she took her life at the young age of 26 with the gun my Dad used in his work as a policeman, he put away that service, never got over my Mom’s death and neither have I.  There was much blaming and finger pointing after she died.  Mostly directed at my Dad for leaving his gun in the house with her after she came home from Yankton State Mental Hospital.   Ultimately who is to blame?  My Mom.  She chose to do what she did whatever her state of mind was at the time.  Who is to blame when we become overweight?  When we succumb to a night of drinking?  Texting while we are driving and get into an accident?  We want it to be someone or something else.  We would like to have someone or something else to blame besides ourselves.

Her death has been and still is a mystery, a cold-case file that there aren’t any answers to.  I have gained personal insight in my quest to know her.  She and I have much in common, if what I’ve been told about her and have read is true.  She loved God.  Loving God is a lot like being in love with a ghost.  You can’t see a tangible being but recently, within the past few years, that changed for me.  I started to understand why I was always fascinated with Dracula lore by reflecting on what I experienced trying to be a Roman Catholic.  I can remember one time as a child kneeling during mass and really thinking about what was being said about the blood of Christ and I nearly fainted!

With the help of my Dad and others like Cesar Millan, Maran Keshe, Nikola Tesla and Wilhelm Reich and so many others (animals, insects, the trees, plants, fish etc) living and dead I began to understand energy.  I began to look around and see God everywhere in everyone and everything….”everything is energy….everything is God.”  Just this past year or so the exploration of words as numbers came to me.  Now I dig even deeper and find truth in numbers and I am even closer to the God I have come to understand.

I don’t blame God for my misfortunes.  I don’t blame God for anything because my life has been a series of choices I made.  There might be some behind the scenes stuff going on I am not privy to but to look at my life for it’s face value – it’s my responsibility.  Loving the God of my understanding and seeking to know them better helps me make better choices.

 

she fell in love with a ghost in Simple Gematria equals: 274

13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

holy spirit in Simple Gematria equals: 151

52/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

jesus christ in Simple Gematria equals: 151*

52/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

(Jesus = 74 Christ = 77) Energy = 74 Power = 77)

earth in Simple Gematria equals: 52*

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

the bible in Simple Gematria equals: 63

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

a person in Simple Gematria equals: 88

16/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 or 16/8/4/2/1

a human being in Simple Gematria equals: 95

14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

a people in Simple Gematria equals: 70

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

a ghost in Simple Gematria equals: 70

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

third wheel in a relationship in Simple Gematria equals: 282

48 or 84/12/3 cycle or 12/6/12/3 cycle

my father�s house has many rooms in Simple Gematria equals: 344 (we are rooms for God)

a body in Simple Gematria equals: 47

= 1687/787/22/4/2/1  or 22 divided by 2 = 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

 

holy eucharist in Simple Gematria equals: 164

74/11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

flesh in Simple Gematria equals: 50

5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

blood in Simple Gematria equals: 48

12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 3 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

red wine in Simple Gematria equals: 78

15/6/3 or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12/6/3 cycle

the last supper in Simple Gematria equals: 180

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

animal sacrifice in Simple Gematria equals: 123

6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

human sacrifice in Simple Gematria equals: 130

4/2/1

people sacrifice in Simple Gematria equals: 142

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

war in Simple Gematria equals: 42

6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

gun in Simple Gematria equals: 42

6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

suicide in Simple Gematria equals: 70

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

murder in Simple Gematria equals: 79

16/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1 or 16/8/4/2/1

= 1148/68/14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

a soul in Simple Gematria equals: 68

= 1216/37/10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

 

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+14&version=NIV

John 14 New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Comforts His Disciples

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15 “If you love me, keep my commands. 16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

 

one bread one body in Simple Gematria equals: 144

54 or 45/9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

omnipresence in Simple Gematria equals: 136 (A Nine – Nein…No)

10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

be everywhere at once in Simple Gematria equals: 199 (A Thirteen)

19/10/1 or 19 divided by 2 = 9.5 = 14 divided by 2 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

difficult in Simple Gematria equals: 90

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

be all at once in Simple Gematria equals: 90

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

be everything to everyone in Simple Gematria equals: 284

68/14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

please everyone all of the time in Simple Gematria equals: 293

59/14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

just be in Simple Gematria equals: 77

14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  or 14/7

you are ultimately responsible for your behavior in Simple Gematria equals: 555*

15/6/3 cycle or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 3 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

blame in Simple Gematria equals: 33

6/3 cycle

responsibility in Simple Gematria equals: 192

39 or 93/12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 3 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

a choice in Simple Gematria equals: 44

8/4/2/1  (choice=43/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1)

everything is energy everything is god in Simple Gematria equals: 422

26/8/4/2/1

= 2423/65/11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8 divided by 2 = 4 divided by 2 = 2 divided by 2 = 1

1687 + 1216 + 2423 = 5326/78

15/6/3 cycle or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 3 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle*

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27 Nov 2018 Good guys and Bad guys – For Stan Lee

(Dark Knight movie quote, Harvey Dent aka “Two Face”)

you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain in Simple Gematria equals: 791

17/8/4/2/1 or 17 divided by 2 = 8.5 = 13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

hero in Simple Gematria equals: 46

10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

villain in Simple Gematria equals: 79

16/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 or 16/8/4/2/1  (whether a villain lives or goes out in a blaze of glory is a choice)

good guy in Simple Gematria equals: 94

13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

bad guy in Simple Gematria equals: 60

6/3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

character defects in Simple Gematria equals: 139

13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

mistakes in Simple Gematria equals: 97

16/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 or 16/8/4/2/1  (whether a villain lives or goes out in a blaze of glory is a choice)

good guy in Simple Gematria equals: 94 *twice on purpose

13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

victories in Simple Gematria equals: 120

3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

failure in Simple Gematria equals: 72

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

triumph in Simple Gematria equals: 105

6/3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

work as a team in Simple Gematria equals: 127

10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

work alone in Simple Gematria equals: 114

6/3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

war in Simple Gematria equals: 42

6/3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

peace in Simple Gematria equals: 30

3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

together we stand divided we fall in Simple Gematria equals: 300 (the 300 Spartans)

3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

perception in Simple Gematria equals: 121

4/2/1

perspective in Simple Gematria equals: 138

12/3 cycle or 12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

vision in Simple Gematria equals: 88

16/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 or 16/8/4/2/1

= 2657/812/83/11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

“26 = God” “57 = 12 Apostles” = what came to me looking at this number.  The number 26 has also come up as dog, lie, card, game among others.  People who don’t have a Christian background may see something else here.  What I see overall is a fight within and without ourselves that ripples out into the world and creating multiple dimensions within the dimension we live in.  Every thought that becomes an action has an effect not just for ourselves but for anyone else affected by our actions….our choices.  One of my favorite authors, Philip K. Dick, had a phrase that really stuck with me and I see it in this world, “The Empire Never Ended.”

the empire never ended in Simple Gematria equals: 195

15/6/3 cycle or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12 divided by 2 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 divided by 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle 

inner conflict in Simple Gematria equals: 142 (war in Simple Gematria equals: 42) “A War”
earth in Simple Gematria equals: 52

outer conflict in Simple Gematria equals: 161 (god in Simple Gematria equals: 26)

= 550/10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 + 2567 = 3207/39/12

 

16 Nov 2018 Mother Earth

16 Nov 2018 Jackie painting outside with fabric paint Alvarado TX DSC_0257 – used up the last of the fabric paint I had. An abstract interpretation of the mother we all share….earth.

What follows here may or may not make any sense to you.  It’s just come to me to put this together and put it out into the blogosphere and hope it helps somehow.  What has been coming to me with these numbers and words is we are tasking nature to a breaking point and cannot delay or procrastinate change much longer.  The earth doesn’t understand delays and or excuses we might make to put off what is hard but must be done.

witch mother in Simple Gematria equals: 142 *52  – phrase that came up in my meditations recently and I was surprised it had the same value as earth only because I had never put the two together. 

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

earth in Simple Gematria equals: 52*

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

mother earth in Simple Gematria equals: 131

5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

human in Simple Gematria equals: 57

12/6/3 divided by 2 = 1.5 = 6 divided by 2 = 3 cycle

soul in Simple Gematria equals: 67

13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

spirit of the earth in Simple Gematria equals: 197

17/8/4/2/1 or 17 divided by 2 = 8.5 = 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

= 646

16/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 or 16/8/4/2/1

*This phrase that came to me thinking about our relationship with the earth.  We have become estranged from whom all of what we are and shall ever be – the earth. 

who suffers the works of man in Simple Gematria equals: 308

who suffers the works of women in Simple Gematria equals: 350

those who cannot speak in Simple Gematria equals: 232

the language of the trees in Simple Gematria equals: 222

all men women and their children in Simple Gematria equals: 279

= 1391/491/14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

http://www.thefinertimes.com/Middle-Ages/witches-and-witchcraft-in-the-middle-ages.html – interesting article about the history of what happened to people who were declared to be witches (wise women).

wise women in Simple Gematria equals: 126 (god in Simple Gematria equals: 26)

midwife in Simple Gematria equals: 69 (people in Simple Gematria equals: 69)

=195/69/15/6/3 cycle or 15 divided by 2 = 7.5 = 12/6/3 cycle

wise wom·an
[wīz ˈwo͝omən]

NOUN
wise women (plural noun)
  1. a woman considered to be knowledgeable in matters such as herbal healing, magic charms, or other traditional lore.
    synonyms:
    prophet · prophetess · seer · sibyl · augur · wise man · wise woman · sage · oracle · prognosticator · prophesier · forecaster of the future · diviner · fortune teller · ·

    [more]
    crystal gazer · clairvoyant · psychic · spiritualist · medium · palmist · palm reader · spaeman · spaewife · haruspex · vaticinator · oracler
    mother in Simple Gematria equals: 79
    father in Simple Gematria equals: 58
    brother in Simple Gematria equals: 86
    sister in Simple Gematria equals: 90
    stepmother in Simple Gematria equals: 139
    stepfather in Simple Gematria equals: 118
    children in Simple Gematria equals: 73
    grandfather in Simple Gematria equals: 102
    grandmother in Simple Gematria equals: 123
    aunt in Simple Gematria equals: 56
    uncle in Simple Gematria equals: 55
    relative in Simple Gematria equals: 92
    family in Simple Gematria equals: 66
    = 1137/12/6/3 cycle
    friend in Simple Gematria equals: 56
    neighbor in Simple Gematria equals: 78
    = 134/44/8/4/2/1
    city in Simple Gematria equals: 57
    state in Simple Gematria equals: 65
    country in Simple Gematria equals: 116
    home in Simple Gematria equals: 41
    house in Simple Gematria equals: 68
    world in Simple Gematria equals: 72
    planet in Simple Gematria equals: 68
    room in Simple Gematria equals: 61
    = 548/98/17/8/4/2/1 or 17 divided by 2 = 8.5 = 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1
    646 + 1391 + 195 + 1137 + 134 + 548 = 4051/91/10/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1
    battle of the sexes in Simple Gematria equals: 186
    patriarch in Simple Gematria equals: 94
    matriarch in Simple Gematria equals: 91
    = 371/11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

    4051 + 371 = 4422/84/12/6/3 cycle

we are using up all the space to run away from arguments in Simple Gematria equals: 569

move away in Simple Gematria equals: 105

urban sprawl in Simple Gematria equals: 145

= 819/99/18/9 cycle (9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9)

(thirteen in Simple Gematria equals: 99)

    4422 + 819 = 5241/75/12/6/3 cycle

cooperation in Simple Gematria equals: 131 (mother earth in Simple Gematria equals: 131)

  5241 + 131 = 5372/89/17/8/4/2/1  or 17 divided by 2 = 8.5 = 13 divided by 2 = 6.5 = 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

15 Aug 2018 “I’m Always Here” – We are not alone

Hello.  How are you in your present moment?  Me?  There are so many things I could say, but really I’m grateful.  Within the past couple of months people I care about have been going through some really rough stuff like divorce, the sickness of family and friends and the deaths of family and friends.  It feels like we are all just going through some serious shit right now and it’s hard but like I told my sweet friend last night, “I know it’s hard but it won’t always be this way.”  This is something life has taught me.  This is something losing our sweet dog Sammy taught me.  When hard times come, they only last as long as you allow them to and time is really the best healer.  The more of it that passes between you and what your going through, the less it hurts.  The pain won’t completely go away.  You won’t forget the pain, but it will hurt less.

I am not a materially rich person but in terms of meaningful wealth, there is no earthly equivalent.  Sometimes I forget, sometimes I whine, complain, I wallow, bitch and moan about trivial and frivolous things….most of which I cannot change.   Time passes, things get better.

These moments are so small in the scheme of all the moments.  As I often hear in my mind when I manage to get it quiet, “Let everything pass through.  Everything passes through.  Let the images and emotion that come into your mind just through.”

This morning I was laying in bed worrying about my friends and what they are going to do today and their fur kids.  I’ve been very sad and anxious for them.  In my head I asked  “Are you there?”  and the answer I heard was, “I’m always here.”  Who is this loving, comforting voice I am having a telepathic conversation with?  Is it God?  Is that just my mind manufacturing an answer of comfort for me?  Whatever the answer, that voice helped me get out of bed this morning to come and write this!

We are not abandoned, no matter how it may seem.  No matter how many negative headlines splash in front of our eyes, how many tragedies real or manufactured are put before or placed on us – we are not alone.  All you have to do is ask to be reassured.

 

Enya – Only Time (Official Music Video)