6 July 2022 God Doesn’t Make Junk!

You really are

A message from A Woman’s Spirit today. I want to emphasize that as I share this I’m thinking of you men folk too! Everyone struggles at some degree with self-esteem and the God of our understanding, for me Jesus Christ, stands ready to help:

I always thought some people were just born with self- esteem and others not. The fact is, the people with self-esteem May have learned to develop it sooner than others, and now it’s my turn. -Laurel Lewis

One element of our growth is making new choices for ourselves. One of our choices is to have the self-esteem that is our right as a human being.

Some women may have never struggled with low self-esteem. Certainly, many women were born into families where unconditional love helped to develop the kind of self-esteem we crave. Yet with the help of this program and our Higher Power, we too will begin to feel a full measure of self-esteem.

Having self-esteem is really nothing more than beginning to understand and then accepting our worthiness in this vast panorama called life. We have always mattered to God and our fellow travelers, or we wouldn’t be here. It’s our beliefs that need to change-nothing more. We are worthy and loved children of God.

Self-esteem does not have to elude me today. My worth is guaranteed. God doesn’t make junk!


Matthew 13:44-46New International Version

The Parables of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl

44 “The kingdom of heaven is like(A) treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.(B)

45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like(C) a merchant looking for fine pearls. 46 When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.


Bill Gates made his fortune in tech, but he’s now betting big on something completely different: farmland.

Last week, Gates secured the legal approval for purchasing 2,100 acres of farmland from northeastern North Dakota potato growers Campbell Farms.

https://youtu.be/yT_3B3iwUZI – Live Healing: Heart Awakening Transmission (Mei-lan)

9 November 2021 Company

My handiwork and Gods this afternoon

Hi. It’s 6:42 pm in my world and it’s already dark ! I wasn’t going to write to you again today but here I am. Thank you for being some company for me! I don’t know if it’s like this for you, but when I write it’s like visiting with a friend. It helps me feel less lonely.

“My only friend what have I left undone? What path have I left untread under a fading sun. Who have I wronged and left outcast..this life or those of my past. Oh Lord why do I feel incomplete? My head heart and hands disconnected from my feet. I pray you will leave me bread crumbs made of stars….lead me, guide me, make me whole again even with all these scars. Let your light shine in my darkness….my alone. Return my innermost to what I have known. Complete your work in me no stone left unturned. Let me be a beacon of all that you have learned. No more days of feeling abandoned and cast out. Show me Lord what this has all been about.”

Do you ever feel that feeling? What is this all for? Everything you have been through was it random or some elaborate strategy game for God(s) to play? Are we just playthings of chance? I want to believe there is a grand design to all of this. I don’t want to believe it’s just some abandoned divine chemistry experiment.

Hopefully something here resonates. I think all of us travelers get weary sometimes. Some days make perfect nonsense….WHY?!!!! There usually will be an answer but it seems like sometimes we are never going to truly know. May be it’s just too much more than we can handle. Like the Jack Nicholson quote from the movie A Few Good Men “You can’t handle the truth!!!! “

I will close for now. Thank you for your company ! I’d love to hear from you on what I’ve discussed here if you have the time .

4 November 2021 Paralyzed

Hi. How are you? It’s still kind of dark as I write to you. I had something happen to me last night that was pretty scary. I had a bad dream and was in between being awake and asleep when I felt like I couldn’t move! My eyes were open and I was thinking because I couldn’t speak. “ Please don’t do this!” My feet were kicking trying to get free but my upper body was paralyzed. It lasted for a couple of minutes. It felt like someone was in the room with me besides Link but I couldn’t see anyone. Link didn’t bark but just ended up getting out of bed because my feet’s frantic movement scared him.

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways” psalm 91:11

I can remember begging to see and talk to my guardian Angel. I was in my living room in Texas about 5 of so years ago now. I had tears in my eyes and I begged to see him. I had asked before that day what his name was and I heard the name Deegan which means “black haired one.” What happened the next four years was like a dress rehearsal for dying. People who have had near death experiences talk about having full life reviews. I was having that kind of experience over and over. Trying to riddle out using objects in my house, my entire life. It destroyed my entire life as I knew it. That combined with my refusing to take medication and go to the hospital. I just couldn’t stop thinking or talking. In the spirit realm they don’t get tired…. there was always just one more thing. I couldn’t rest.

Was what I went through just psychosis or did my Angel show me why we could never meet in the mortal coil?

What I went through always ended with me screaming and yelling at a POW flag I had bought. It symbolized 9/11 and war. I felt so much rage! That event in our shared history hurt me so much!

There is an in between world and I have been in it. I felt during my last episode that I was a living ghost vessel. Spirits seemed to use me both positive and negative. Some days all I did was yell. Others was just crying. Others was just hearing voices when I spoke that were not mine. One day an energy that identified as the singer Chris Cornell “took me to get groceries and we bought flowers.” I was driving the car but in my minds eye he was driving. When I checked out I could hear his voice not mine. It was like all these energies of living and dead were “on top” of mine. They kept keeping me down because all I would do is cry. This all happened after my husband left me.

Two of the most exhausting energies that came through were a Hitler and what I call “The Joker.” I was either yelling all the time in a tone like Hitler or finding absolutely every side to any issue you could think of. I was even doing that side tongue lick Heath Ledger did for his potrayal of the Joker. I would go in my bedroom closet and just go on and on! One energy was with me the longest and that was Jesus. He claimed to have been with me since my psychic explosion on 2 November 2002. I was speaking some kind of language I vaguely understood. My husband would get so frustrated with me talking to the tv in “gibberish.”

The reason I’m sharing all this is to give some insight into what I went through after asking to see my guardian. Not all of mental illness is just mental illness. What I went through is like my guardian got relieved of their post! I became like a plaything for the spirit world, the in between. Because I didn’t have a grounded faith I was fair game!

If I can impress upon you anything about what I’ve shared here believe in something and stick to it! What’s happened to me is my concept of God is EVERYTHING! So everything that happens to us good and bad, positive and negative is all of God. It’s easier to comprehend Jesus, Buddha, Allah and Shiva as individual representations of God than to believe in a God that is ALL things. Jesus is merciful and kind whereas his father isn’t always . I am currently working on my faith . I don’t want what happened to me in 2015 on to happen again.

24 September 2020 Who is God

Hello to you, how are you doing today?  I hope this finds you doing well in your here and now as you visit me here.

I was trying to think of what to write today and a conversation I just had on healthfulchats.com helped me.  A long while ago I had written a paper about my theory that the first great beings were trees and everything came after that.  I had it posted here but have long since deleted it, In Beginning was Symbiosis. Some of the oldest life forms on the planet are trees and a few of them are still around https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_oldest_trees.  Well thinking about that subject made me think about God and who God is.

People often ask me if I believe in God and I say yes. The natural tendency after that is to want to talk about the bible.  Then if I have chosen Jesus as my personal savior and to that that I always say Jesus is the best part of the book.  Who’s flesh and blood was sacrificed in those early years so that early Bible’s might exist?  Trees, animals and plants.

What I believe is the Earth is God and everything and everyone alive on top is an extension of God.  For every right there is a left aka cause and affect.  There is only good and evil depending on who is perceiving things.  People make things good and evil.   An example I used today about this was the dandelion.  To at least 5 or 6 species of insect the dandelion is a food source.  I witnessed this myself in my backyard.  So to much of creation the dandelion is food but to some people and a bunch of weed fertilizer companies, the dandelion is just a weed.  Who taught them it was just a weed?

Just like with most everything in existence, dandelions were created for a reason and have a reason for existence.  To me they are a flower with antioxident properties. A little info I found about dandelions there are tons of websites:  https://jhiblog.org/2020/05/20/a-dandelion-story-from-medieval-herbals-to-wholefoods/

Who is God” in the English Ordinal system equals 100 (this is pretty interesting – 1 and two zero’s)

dandelion” in the English Ordinal system equals 78

23 May 2019 Forgiveness

Forgiveness – https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/

My interpretation through this system of what forgiveness is.  It is a process within the two sides of ourselves to determine if we will let the harm someone else has caused us be set aside or whether or not we will hold on to it.  Sometimes, for me, it seems like I’ve let something go from the past but something in the present can trigger an old wound.  This has been happening to me recently in my own life.  There are a lot of “broken pieces” in my house as evidence.  I glued some of them together yesterday and made some art out it like I’ve done in the past and posted here.

I deleted all my previous posts because sometimes, without meaning to, you can hurt people with things you write.

Not many people understand this system that came to me around February of last year…..trust issues.  Gematria has been around a long time but the way I interpret it isn’t the same as other people do it.  To consider both the light and shadow aspects of ourselves.  I am split in two in most any way you can be, so this makes sense to me and may make sense to others like me.  This message is for you then.  I feel like God gave me this as a life preserver to try and help me get a grasp on reality.  It is my duty to pass it on….for free.  It doesn’t belong to me, it belongs to the God of my understanding.

Forgiveness” in the English Ordinal system equals 139/13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 (light and shadow of ourselves) = 6.5 = 11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  *My name, Jackie, is 39.   To look at this number is one person in a “yes, no, may be” situation and nine for me is nein, nein in German is No.

one three nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 – one person in a “yes, no may be” situation yet and now they are in the process of deciding what they will do between the two sides of themselves.

one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 – one person engaged now with their brain, brain is 44 in the numbers in the racetrack or seeming infinity process that is life.

one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 – one person engaged yet with their brain in the “yes, no, may be” process of forgiveness.

one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – one person engaged in the five senses, the “sensation” of the unknown aspects of forgiveness.  What will happen if they forgive?  This number is also fifty states and communication in the numbers.

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 – one person engaged with their brain in the unknown aspects of forgiveness.

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – one person engaged in the five senses, the “sensation” while living on the racetrack or seeming infinity that is life.  The number eight is the infinity symbol if you draw it.

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 – one person engaged in the process of forgiveness and the five senses, the “sensation” and or feeling of what it is like to forgive.

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – one person engaged in the “yes, no, may be” aspect along with their brain….”shall I continue?”

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – one person engaged in the five senses again, the “sensation” of forgiveness and their are many unknown aspects….variables they can’t control.  It is a cycle.   I forgive but seldom can forget which can be difficult for people who would like to forget the past and I remind them of it.

23 May 2019 – Recently I have broken a lot of things in the house to include things that were gifts from other people. For some reason I have been very angry which isn’t like me. Yesterday I used my hot glue gun Kyle got in his welding classes and gave to me to make some art of the broken pieces.

22 May 2019 Jackie hot glue gun art from broken pieces of cookie jar statue and angel chimes



19 Feb 2019 Thank you

7 Jan 2019 morning light

Thank you” in the English Ordinal system equals 115/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

one one five” in the English Ordinal system equals 110/2/1

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/thanks – I was curious about the origins of this phrase.  Couldn’t find a whole lot!

A phrase that I say quite often is thank you.  A phrase I say to someone because I want them to know I appreciate them be they a human being or any other form of life.  A phrase I express to the God of my understanding for the food I eat, having a place to live, clothes on my back, water to drink, having my health and all the other aspects that make up my simple life.

Just two words….”thank you.”

It’s sometimes easy to lose sight of what we have and focus on what we don’t have.  There are days it’s easier for me to complain, pass judgement on others and make myself miserable.  This is when is a good time to give thanks.  To pull out a mental gratitude list and find that all the positives in my life far outweigh the negatives.

“The Attitude of Gratitude”

the attitude of gratitude” in the English Ordinal system equals 259/16/7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1 or 16/8/4/2/1 (the straight path I see is seeing the world in one way or the other without discernment or questioning.)

(7 divided by 2, for me, a world divided into two parts within a person and outside of a person.  Seeing the world with both the light and shadow sides of ourselves. When 8 arrives, for me, I see the arrival of God (26) which gradually brings you back to 1 or yourself.  Not everyone believes in the same God.  Not everyone has the same concept of God.  Not everyone even believes in God.  This is just how I interpret these values for myself.  How I perceive “God” isn’t even like my family or most people I know.  I see God as the energy of all creation – the earth, all the planets and all known existence.  That’s just me and I don’t expect anyone also to adopt this concept.  I like to show, via this system, the messages and patterns that I see.  This system is a way for me to find some semblance of trust in a system I am finding so much fault with these days.)

two five nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 142

gratitude” in the English Ordinal system equals 105/6/3 cycle

one zero five” in the English Ordinal system equals 140

world” in the English Ordinal system equals 72/9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

seven two” in the English Ordinal system equals 123