29 October 2020 Changing with the changes

Hello and good morning to you. How are you today as you visit me here? I am gradually adjusting to all the changes going on in my life. Sometimes it is difficult to adjust to a bunch of change all at once which has been the case for me. I have moved to another part of the country, am living without my husband and have been living with family I have never lived with before. I am having to do a lot of “letting go and letting God.”

Once again my chameleon tattoo comes into into play. A chameleon has to adapt to their surroundings. I am having to do a lot of changing with the changes. Lets see what it comes to in the numbers:

changing with the changes” in the English Ordinal system equals 213 (ironically my birth month and date! Light and shadow process for one in a yes, no, may be existence. If you add everything up the number is cyclic in nature.

Letting go and Let God” in the English Ordinal system equals 191 (one divided by “No”)

spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91

11 May 2020 Things change

Hello to you.  It’s early in the morning and I cannot sleep any more right now.  I figured I might as well write a few lines.  Yesterday was a tough day for me but not unexpected.  It seems things are going to be changing for my family.   My family is fixing to get smaller and bigger at the same time.

For my readers of this blog who have been with me a long time, you know this blog is a tool for me to help me sort things out both good and bad going on in my life.  Thank you in advance for reading and your support!

Yesterday I found out that my husband has decided it’s time for us to go our separate ways.   We both agreed that the way the past four years have been for us, especially him, we can go no further together.  This means a lot of changes for our little family.  The timing for this isn’t the greatest in light of what’s going on in the the world around us and I’m very sad this is happening.  The bottom line though is we are parting ways as friends.  I care for and  plan to always care for him and his family.  We just aren’t going to be husband and wife anymore.

Let our story be a cautionary tale for those reading out there who have the Bipolar label, have family who is Bipolar, are married or are considering marrying someone like me who is Bipolar.  This is the second marriage that this condition, not properly treated and maintained has destroyed for me.   I take a large part to blame for the failure of this marriage.

There is one word that leaps out the most from this journey and that is denial.

For so many years I tried to live with my husband in such a way that made my labels were not a part of the equation.  Ultimately that just made it worse.  When you have this condition or any of the other labels I’ve put on myself like being a highly sensitive/porous/spiritual person, you have to have a proper treatment plan.   I didn’t do my part to the full extent I should have.

It will be really important that that during the transition I am about to make, I still will be able to have access to the care to have proper treatment.  

I have decided once we get everything resolved here, especially the selling of this house, Link and will be headed West to join my family in Idaho.   It’s going to be a long journey, but it sounds like I will have help getting there.

I am blessed to have amazing family and friends both his and mine who have immediately stepped up for both of us about this.  I know it’s not going to be easy but I am having to really go to a new place from denial and that is faith.    I will have to have a stronger faith that for whatever reason this is happening now,  it’s going to be ultimately for a better life for all of us in the future.