22 November 2020 Blocked Creative Juices

Hello to you, how are you doing? I am doing ok I guess. I am feeling like my creative juices are blocked if that makes any sense. I got so used to everything creative being so easy for me. It was like “You want a unique painting? Here! Done!” “You want a poem you have never heard before?! Done!” “You want a chalk portrait? Done!” Now there is nothing going on at all! It’s like an entire part of my brain is no longer functioning like it once was and it sucks! Is it me or is it medication that is blocking my creativity ?!

The alternative to this problem is being so creative that I’m manic and that’s what was happening before. There doesn’t seem to be a moderate switch on things. I don’t know how to moderate my creativity. When I lived with my husband he was partially my muse. He encouraged me to do the things that I did and now that he’s gone I have to figure out how to inspire myself. Ironically he kept getting me to “create” for myself and I am having to truly do that now! I miss having someone to encourage me like he did.

Let’s look at this in the numbers:

Blocked Creative Juices” in the English Ordinal system equals 202 (when I see this it makes me think of life and shadow self with the brain in between being examined)

powerless” in the English Ordinal system equals 132

creativity ” in the English Ordinal system equals 132

29 October 2020 Changing with the changes

Hello and good morning to you. How are you today as you visit me here? I am gradually adjusting to all the changes going on in my life. Sometimes it is difficult to adjust to a bunch of change all at once which has been the case for me. I have moved to another part of the country, am living without my husband and have been living with family I have never lived with before. I am having to do a lot of “letting go and letting God.”

Once again my chameleon tattoo comes into into play. A chameleon has to adapt to their surroundings. I am having to do a lot of changing with the changes. Lets see what it comes to in the numbers:

changing with the changes” in the English Ordinal system equals 213 (ironically my birth month and date! Light and shadow process for one in a yes, no, may be existence. If you add everything up the number is cyclic in nature.

Letting go and Let God” in the English Ordinal system equals 191 (one divided by “No”)

spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91

15 Oct 2020 Repair/die/run/move on

Hello there, how are you doing today? It’s already Thursday and the end of the week approaches. We had frost on the ground this morning – not ready for cold weather yet!

As usual, I was having trouble coming up with a topic for today. Things just don’t flow like they used to! One of my friends was talking about a loop he’s having in his head and I decided to run it through the numbers. The numeric value seems to match pretty close to what the words are saying:

repair die run move on” in the English Ordinal system equals 222 (continual process of light and shadow selves all the way through)

I decided to add the slash as a word and something interesting happened:

repairslashdieslashrunslashmove on” in the English Ordinal system equals 399 (Jackie =39 and thirteen = 99!) yes, no, may be of a “no” “no” process.

this phrase kind of correlates to the above process:

wherever you go there you are” in the English Ordinal system equals 328 (life =32 man=28) yes, no, may be process of light and shadow in eternity and or on the racetrack of life.

What I have figured out about running away is I haven’t been able to escape from myself . Whatever behaviors I exhibit in one place, I will have the same ones in the new place. It’s hard to change but sometimes unless you change, you won’t ever grow as a person. Change has seldom come easy to me!

26 August 2020 Medication and Development

Hello to you today.  How are you? I sincerely hope wherever and whenever you are visiting life is treating you well.

As for me…well….I wish I could say I am doing great! Fantastic! I am all better!  Such is not the case every morning.  Ever since I left the hospital 27 April of this year I have been changed.  I am trying to move forward and move on with so may things.  I would never of imagined then that I would be in my Aunts house writing this now.

My medication is a big part of what is going on for me.  Some times it feels like it isn’t working at all and other days I can’t imagine being without it!  Being bipolar affects me on so many levels.  Some days, some moments I feel like I could handle just about anything and then just one minor blip and nope can’t handle anything.  I find myself grasping about for someone….anyone to talk to so I can work through what I am feeling.

Looking at medication as a number and patterns it’s pretty interesting how accurate it is at describing the process:

medication” in the English Ordinal system equals 93 (ironically my short name in the numbers, Jackie = 39! no yes, no, may be process)

nine three” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 (no in eternity and or racetrack of life)

nine eight ” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 (no for one also this number is spirit)

nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 (all vices in check and all vices in check but one and it’s my maiden name!)

seven six ” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 ( two separate ones of self all vices in check)

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 (one in a yes, no may be and yes, no may be process)

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 (one right side of the brain all vices in check but one)

Thinking of development and change. Something I have noticed since moving here to Idaho is growth.  A lot of farmers seem to be selling their land to housing developers.  I am just going to look at the phrase housing development:

housing development” in the English Ordinal system equals 224 (light and shadow self process of self with light and shadow process of self with right side of the brain)

two two four” in the English Ordinal system equals 176 (one all vices in check with all vices in the check but one)

one seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 151 (one all senses of one)

one five one” in the English Ordinal system equals 110 (one in one with object)

one one zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 (one with yes, no, may be with light and shadow of self)

one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 (one left side brain in eternity and or racetrack of life)

one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 (one left side brain in yes, no may be process)

one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all senses and object)

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one left side brain and object)

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all senses in eternity and or racetrack of life)

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one in light and shadow of self all senses)

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes, no, may be with right side of brain)

 

farming ” in the English Ordinal system equals 68  (all vices in check but one in eternity and or racetrack of life)

(planet” in the English Ordinal system equals 68)

six eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 101 (one object in the center one )

one zero one ” in the English Ordinal system equals 132  (one with yes, no, may be with light and shadow of self)

 

farm” in the English Ordinal system equals 38 (yes, no may be in eternity and or racetrack of life)

(“balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38)

 

world” in the English Ordinal system equals 72 (all vices in check with the light and shadow of self process )

(“money ” in the English Ordinal system equals 72)

 

(pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth,  – these are the vices I am thinking of )