“Even if just one seed takes root in fertile soil, there is hope. “.
There are many different kinds of seed known and in many cases estranged from our knowing. Life can be so cruel and harsh and appear to not care about us being or not being. So many lashing out or lashing in. Seeds sown from our early beginnings thriving or never seeing the light of day. Sometimes you have to be still , quiet….patient. Listen to the wind which carries the very essence of what animates you and gives you life. There are tiny seeds you can and cannot see in every breath you take. The gut….a highly evolved plant kingdom. We all share the essence of life. You can drink water but without breath there is no life. Remember the trees in your “plans.”
This was just down the street where I lived in Alvarado TX – a church I used to go to a lot! One of dear Yolie, our oak trees children Yolie made many of these as many trees do but only a few, with just right conditions, actually awoke from their hard seed casing. There is much trees and nature teaches about optimum conditions for life. One rose of the many at our house that made me happy back in Texas. “Seed money?” From the walk yesterday. I hope whomever claimed this will do something meaningful with it. I was tempted to take it myself but thought better of it.
Hello to you today. How are you? My morning has been going kind of rough. I found out what our government decided to do regarding gun legislation. I’m just really sad and disappointed. In the absence of God there is fear. So many proclaiming and praising with Bibles in one hand and a gun in the other. I don’t understand. The seemingly “sane” with a moment of passion and the right “tool” can do something they can’t take back. You can change or reverse the course of words….not so with bullets. Bullets rob first responders and others of something most precious….time. My mother took her life with a gun….there was no time to try and save her.
In processing my feelings, I remembered something from living in Alvarado Texas.
My dog Spot and I were walking in the newer neighborhood next to us, Stonegate. All the sudden we were approached by two very large, aggressive dogs. I quickly picked up Spot and was screaming for help. Seemingly, out of thin air, was Chris and he was carrying a really big stick and had a powerful voice. He scared the dogs away. He didn’t have a gun and attempt to shoot the dogs….he had a big stick and commanding presence. My husband and I got to talk to him a few times after that. He was and remains a hero to me. A viscous dog ordinance was passed after what happened by our city council.
To comfort myself I turned to the God of my understanding and read his powerful message for these times and people like me who desire a much different world than what we are living in:
Matthew 5New International Version
Introduction to the Sermon on the Mount
5 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them.
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.(B) 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.(C) 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.(D) 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.(E) 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.(F) 8 Blessed are the pure in heart,(G) for they will see God.(H) 9 Blessed are the peacemakers,(I) for they will be called children of God.(J) 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,(K) for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.(L)
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you,(M)persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.(N)12 Rejoice and be glad,(O) because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.(P)
I found an interesting article from Psychology Today yesterday about the subject of where hate comes from. I hope you will read it and if it resonates with you, that you will pass it on:
“Acts of hate are attempts to distract one- self from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy and shame. Hate is grounded in some sense of perceived threat. It is an attitude that can give rise to hostility and aggression toward individuals or groups. Like much of anger, it is a reaction to and distraction from some form of inner pain. The individual con- sumed by hate may believe that the only way to regain some sense of power over his or her pain is to preemptively strike out at others. In this context, each moment of hate is a temporary reprieve from inner suffering. “
https://youtu.be/NKD1pJfqJNc – God won’t build it for you – Bishop TD Jakes and Pastor Steven Furtick – Elevation
Hello to you. How are you doing today? I’m finding myself in a better place this morning. I feel grateful to be making it to another day in the circumstances I find myself in. I am trying to remain grateful.
Last night I had another battle with anxiety. What happens is I start thinking too far ahead or ruminating on all the uncertainties in front of me and things I can’t control. Then I start to get that extremely uncomfortable anxious feeling in my gut. Relief has come from physical exertion and doing normal things. I am having to relearn what normal things are for myself right now. I find there are a lot of things I used to do that I just can’t bring myself to do right now.
I really feel like I am really having a test in my life right now with the concept of mindfulness. That concept of staying in the present moment.
I am having to ask myself internally a lot, “what can you do about it and if the answer is nothing right now why are you dwelling on it?” Something my husband used to do for me and now I’m having to do for myself is to remind myself that worrying about things doesn’t do any good. It’s usually easier said than done he’s right.
The pandemic is still here in Texas but they have really started to lift restrictions so places can open back up. I went to get groceries yesterday at our local Brookshire’s and some of the shelves were cleared out! One of the biggest areas that was cleared was the aisle with cleaning supplies – nothing but concentrated Clorox for example. I can tell they are having trouble keeping some things stocked up right now. I’m just grateful to be able to get the basics right now.
Well I hope however this blog finds you that you are well. Everybody is telling me that I’m strong and that I will get through all that’s going on. I’m just learning to take a few steps at a time and having a lot of faith.
Good morning to you. Hope this finds you doing ok. I’m at another phase of the journey that’s going on today. My husband and I finally got a chance to talk yesterday. We agreed trying to do all that we want to do right in the middle of a still evolving pandemic might not be a good idea. We are having to think things through.
12 May 2020 – I had to put out a pair of my husbands pants for Link. Link was grieving yesterday after our visit. He just howled after my husband left. What my husband and I have been going through has been tough on Link too.
We know we still want to sell this house but have to make sure Link and I have someplace to go after we do. The realtor we talked to said with considering what needs to happen to this house, we were looking at $110-130,000 for a walk away on it – we paid $107,000. I think the low figure has to do with the fact our house is needing another foundation repair. Those are expensive. He quoted foundation repair costing about $8-$11,000. There has been a lot of interior damage because of the house shifting.
My husband was still not very pleased with the realtor quote considering how much they say our house is worth . USAA is saying our home is worth $180,000 but that isn’t considering the factors the realtor considered and also the realtor is familiar with our town. He has sold other properties in our area and probably has a good idea of what he can get for it. So we will have to work on the realtor part. I think the sale of this place will end up being a flipper kind of deal. What I mean by that, is an investor will buy the property, make repairs and then sell it at a higher price than they bought it. Neither one of us is wanting to put any more money into repairing this place as it is. So no matter what realtor we choose, we may be stuck with getting not much more than we paid for it in the end of it.
All that said, selling the place will more than likely not be a problem. If we need to, we can do a remote closing. It apparently happens all the time. The part I’m concerned about is knowing the place I have to go for certain is 1600+ miles away. When I got to thinking about all that is involved with that kind of trip, I got cold feet. It’s not that I’m not willing to do it. I think if my cousin and his wife are good on their offer to come here to help me drive back there won’t be as much a problem. I’m just worried about putting us all at risk health wise doing this when the pandemic is still doing it’s thing in this country.
There is also a small part of me that is hoping my husband might change his mind about our relationship. By talking to him yesterday and considering all that he has been through with me the past couple of years, it’s not looking good for reconciliation like I would want. He is adamant he’s not coming back to this house to live. He is perfectly justified in his feelings and his actions. There is a lot he could have done. He could have completely abandoned me and he didn’t and he hasn’t. He knows I can’t do this all of by myself and seems willing to do his part. The other consideration is that I am freshly out of the hospital and I don’t want to end up back in one. We just have to do this right and I think we are.
To be 