2 Dec 2025 Pushing On

December 3, 2025 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there, how are you as you visit me here? Today was long and kind of lonely but we have pushed through it. To be honest I have been missing having someone to come home to me. Link has me to look forward to coming home. I think of him as home as he rises up on his back legs and frantically taps at the front door waiting for me to come in. I miss my ex everyday but I know that ship has sailed. We were communicating a little bit but if I don’t initiate the communication there is nothing from him. He has moved on and I always hope he’s happier now.

The rest of this post is me reflecting on where I’ve been and where I hope to go:

I miss having a husband but don’t like what you have to go through to get one these days. I tried Tinder and that was a cluster you know what. I ended up with someone who wasn’t good for me and wanted more from me than I could give at the time. I just wasn’t attracted to him and that made him nuts. My taste is what I had in my ex and I totally blew it with my manic episodes! He just got fed up with the person I became when I was in untreated mania.

I always said that if I couldn’t make it work with Kyle I wasn’t going to make it with anyone. He wasn’t a perfect husband but pretty darn wonderful and I blew it. Some say he shouldn’t have divorced me but they don’t understand the spiral that happens with mania. When we were first together he knew I had mental health issues but I was being treated and was on meds that kept the mania at bay. When mania happened the last couple of times I was really doing things that hurt and or upset him. We were breaking things. He got physical with me a couple of times out of extreme frustration and it was after that he went to stay with his parents. When he could see I wasn’t going to get the help I needed he decided a divorce was the only answer. I didn’t take that decision very well! I felt so lost and alone. My everyday was like living in a haunted house. Memories of Kyle were everywhere I went from the house to the neighborhood. I wasn’t plugged in to Jesus yet but thankfully had people who were to talk to. I thank God for my Idaho family who were there for me – praying for me. They are the reason I am where I am today! Jesus used each of them to help me escape the nightmare I was in.

It took me awhile, even after I was out of Texas, to fully recover from the nightmare I was living. My Aunt Ruth and Uncle John handled me with tender care the 6 months I lived with them. I didn’t want to shower with the door shut. I didn’t want to eat meals at the table. I didn’t want to watch television. I walked constantly to combat my anxiety. I had nightmares. I saw versions of Kyle everywhere I went. Everything was a trigger to my thinking of Kyle. We had been married 12 years and I was married 16 years in my first marriage. I had grief and remorse over my first marriage too! Kyle and I committed adultery and I really felt bad about that as did Kyle. I just unraveled after he left me and felt this pulling sensation in the back of my body all the time. It was like the enemy had a hold on me and didn’t want to let go.

It’s been over 5 years now that I’ve been here in Idaho. I am much better than I was. It’s been about 2 years since I decided to accept Jesus as my savior. I finally made the choice that God had been patiently waiting for me to make. With this choice and my saying yes some doors have opened. I have gotten more involved with my church and that has made me some friends. I even got baptized which I didn’t think I would do. Now if he would only heal me from what’s going on in my head and lower back I could be of more use – a better vessel for the Holy Spirit. These conditions have prevented me from volunteering as much as I could be.

The other thing missing is a companion to share the rest of my life with. I have kind of resigned myself to my ending up being alone the rest of my life but I don’t know Gods plans for me about this. If I do fall in love again I want him to share in my love of Jesus and of course Link must approve of whoever he ends up being!

Thank you for reading!

Dear Jesus I pray for this world as fallen as it is that more of the lost will find their way to you. I pray for the poor, sick, mentally and physically in decline. I pray for all leaders in positions of power and influence that your will be done through their words and deeds. I pray for an end to all animal cruelty. I pray for an end to all wars that there would be peace. I pray for all children especially those being abused and or neglected. I pray for the children suffering in war ravaged parts of the world. Thank you. Amen.

17 Aug 2025 Who To Listen To

August 17, 2025 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How are you? I’m just back from church and getting groceries. The sun is out after being cloudy- making it humid! Last night we got much needed rain.

I almost didn’t go to church this morning. If I had listened to the voice that spoke so clearly I would have stayed in bed! My back has been bothering me the past couple of days and I was considering staying home from church. Before bed last night I said to Jesus if you want me to go to church tomorrow ease my back pain. Sure enough I woke up and the sharp pain was gone but a voice told me loudly and sweetly to stay in bed. I couldn’t go back to sleep and forced myself to get up defying the voice. Pastor Jason’s messages today were ones I needed to hear and if I had listened to that voice I would have missed them! I would have missed seeing my church family. Pastor Jason was sick and yet he took the stage! “Your heart is a wicked steering wheel” he reminded us. “Your identity drives your behavior – your identity is not anything but your relationship with Jesus.” The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak – this is something I struggle with a lot as my body gets older. Sometimes we just have to push through and trust Jesus hears our pleas. Our inner voice can’t always be trusted and after I heard it I even asked who was speaking! I asked the Holy Spirit to help me and I think he did. Be careful who you listen to!

Reading for today:

2 Corinthians 4:7-18New International Version

⁷But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted,but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.¹⁰We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹²So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

¹³It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.”^[a]Since we have that same spirit of^[b] faith, we also believe and therefore speak, ¹⁴because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. ¹⁵All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

¹⁶Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

22 July 2025 Spirit

July 22, 2025 by saymber, posted in dreams, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you. I hope your week is going well. Last night I dreamt a lot and I can only remember one of the dreams. It was about being with a young boy who reminded me of my ex husbands youngest brother named Cole. He had lost his father and his father wanted to comfort his son and decided to use me to do it. He came into my body which in past dreams used to scare me awake – but not this time. I reached out to the boy and hugged him and gave the fathers spirit peace. I could hear the sound I have heard before in what I call channeling dreams. I don’t know why I dreamt about that but it was interesting! It’s been awhile since I’ve had a dream about spirits.

John 14:16-17New International Version

¹⁶And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— ¹⁷the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him,because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be^[a] in you.

Read

7 May 2023 Heart

May 7, 2023 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, history, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Movies, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m just back from church – wasn’t sure if I was going but I did go. There are so many nice people that go and as I get regular with my attendance, the more people I get to know. The next event the ladies are having is a Ladies Tea on the 20th. My Aunt and I are planning on attending.

Todays message was more about the life of Abraham. The part we went over was when Abraham’s wife didn’t want to wait any longer for the God promised baby and she suggested Abraham conceive with Hagar the slave. The message about that was when we push our will instead of waiting can cause heart ache. The other message, and this has come up before, is how our hearts can’t be trusted. I wanted to put up my hand and disagree! One of my favorite sayings is from a 1920’s movie called Metropolis “the mediator between the head and hands must be the heart.” That silent movie was about how ruthless a business person can be without using their heart. As a woman and an empath I use my heart a lot! Sadly that’s probably why I have so many labels and mental health issues.! So much inner conflict between my brain and my heart.

I understand the intent of the message is to encourage us to get closer to God and not lean completely on our understanding but as I’m experiencing lately – God has been really quiet and without using my heart, I wouldn’t keep going to church and try to find a way to serve God and the community.

The world can be a heartless place – all you have to do is look at a news feed or talk to someone. It’s hard to find and achieve balance between using my heart and leaning on God. How can you love others as you should love God and yourself without using and trusting your heart?!

There is so much conflict for me with how we are taught to operate in this world. On the one hand we are taught to turn inward and find God and wisdom. There is emphasis on prayer and meditation which comes from within and then flows out. On the other hand we are taught that our inner selves are unreliable and inherently bad . We are taught to look outside ourselves for guidance and wisdom. This was what I learned in AA and all the church’s I’ve been to. I was taught I’m not trustworthy on my own. How can be turning inward to where the Holy Spirit is supposed to be bad? Where does the Holy Spirit within us reside? Where does our souls energy reside?

I am still learning and have to trust God will show me his truth.

I guess I don’t like to hear that on my own I’m not a good person. I have spent a lot of my life in therapy to deal with low self esteem issues! That’s probably not what is intentioned in todays message but that’s what I heard and keep hearing. That’s the tough job of a Pastor I guess – sometimes to tell us not what we want to hear but need to hear? Pastor Jason said it was a hard sermon for him to write and I can see why!

One of my drawings – this was during one of my more creative phases

Acts 2 : 2-4

The Holy Spirit Comes at Pentecost

2 When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. ²Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. ³They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. ⁴All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues^[a] as the Spirit enabled them.

5 May 2023 Direction

May 5, 2023 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What gives you direction in life?

Hello to you. Hard to believe it’s Friday again. Today is the celebration of Cinco Demayo and my exe in-laws 44th wedding anniversary. It’s so rare that people stay together that long. Even though I’m no longer married to their son I still consider them to be family. Once I love you it takes a lot for me to stop loving you. They are good people!

Todays prompt makes me think. I have never really had a direction in my life other than wanting to be a good person but it’s not been easy. Wanting to please God has flitted through my life, not to displease my family and friends has also been a reason for a direction. As I’ve mentioned before, as a young child and teenager I wanted to be famous but let go of that when I saw what fame does to peoples lives. Another primary direction has been not wanting to be forgotten. Since I never had children I have no one to pass my legacy on to.

A primary director, the Holy Spirit, seems quiet if not silent in my life. For so many years I felt I had a close connection. I could write, sing, draw, paint and make jewelry and other things. It’s probably just my being in an in between place right now. I think it’s also the medication I’m on that prevents mania from happening. Taking Lithium is different than taking Depakote and Zyprexa. I kind of miss the creativity and spirituality that comes with being manic. I think another reason for the lack of direction is the fact I’m still healing from my wounds these past couple of years. I am trying to stay open to God – to the Holy Spirit. I don’t think God is done with me yet!

A drawing I did back in 2015. I named it 7712 but I remember thinking of the title “Waiting” for it. I miss drawing like this – it’s like my creativity spigot is completely closed.

Proverbs 3:5-6New International Version

⁵Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

21 April 2023 Random Encounter

April 21, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Describe a random encounter with a stranger that stuck out positively to you.

Hello to you. How are you? I’m feeling a bit strange – tired. I woke up a couple times in the night – not a restful sleep. Then I got a text at like 4:30 in the morning from a person I reconnected with lol. So I’m writing from bed. Link has his annual exam at the vet today so I have to get up and at em eventually!

Todays prompt brought to mind a great part of my journey. I was having troubles while being on active duty in Florida. For some reason I was at the finance office on base and ran into a man, I can’t remember his name, but he was really beautiful. He was a black man with crystal blue eyes. I think I have mentioned before I have a thing with blue eyes. Anyways we started talking. He was a broker I think, He asked me if I had a church home and I said no, He invited me to the mega church he was attending in addition to a lunch his company was having for clients.

What’s funny about meeting this man is back when I was in Colorado I had gone to Manitou Springs a few years before being stationed in Florida, I had a rune reading done that prophesied I would meet a man that would change my entire life. Meeting this man felt like s fulfillment of that prophesy.

I went to the mega church with this man and his family and the message was about how the Holy Spirit is an actual person you can have a relationship with. Not just a ghost or something like that. Well this all happened when I was struggling with my mental and physical health. Especially having problems with abusing alcohol and I was taking mental health meds – not a good combination.

It was a Sunday after the message about the Holy Spirit that I was sitting in my sun porch in the base housing we lived in and I was in my swimming suite and drunk. I remembered the message from the church service and just said “I surrender.” The very next day the Holy Spirit started moving me along. The following Monday I was getting my bike out to ride to work and the chain just fell off! I had to put it back on – hands a mess of oil. I was running late then. Then, on the way, I was nearly hit by a turning car had I been a few seconds earlier. I got to work and found out I had an annual physical appointment so I had to leave again. At the appointment there was questions pertaining to alcohol use and I was moved by the Spirit to answer honestly. From there began being sent to treatment in Maryland, introduction to AA (Alcoholics anonymous) and ultimately my being medically retired, divorced and falling in love.

All this after a chance meeting with a perfect stranger! I feel bad I can’t remember his name – meeting him was definitely divine timing.

The Holy Spirit uses many different ways to communicate and guide us on our journey. This reading is not Christian but planted a seed in me. Meeting the seer who gave me this reading was able to tell me someone was going to come along and help me get where I needed to go with God.

6 July 2022 God Doesn’t Make Junk!

July 6, 2022 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, books, Food, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Music, Nature, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

A message from A Woman’s Spirit today. I want to emphasize that as I share this I’m thinking of you men folk too! Everyone struggles at some degree with self-esteem and the God of our understanding, for me Jesus Christ, stands ready to help:

I always thought some people were just born with self- esteem and others not. The fact is, the people with self-esteem May have learned to develop it sooner than others, and now it’s my turn. -Laurel Lewis

One element of our growth is making new choices for ourselves. One of our choices is to have the self-esteem that is our right as a human being.

Some women may have never struggled with low self-esteem. Certainly, many women were born into families where unconditional love helped to develop the kind of self-esteem we crave. Yet with the help of this program and our Higher Power, we too will begin to feel a full measure of self-esteem.

Having self-esteem is really nothing more than beginning to understand and then accepting our worthiness in this vast panorama called life. We have always mattered to God and our fellow travelers, or we wouldn’t be here. It’s our beliefs that need to change-nothing more. We are worthy and loved children of God.

Self-esteem does not have to elude me today. My worth is guaranteed. God doesn’t make junk!

———————-

Matthew 13:44-46New International Version

The Parables of the Hidden Treasure and the Pearl

⁴⁴“The kingdom of heaven is like^(A) treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.^(B)

⁴⁵“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like^(C) a merchant looking for fine pearls. ⁴⁶When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

https://finance.yahoo.com/amphtml/news/bill-gates-just-won-legal-171500255.html

Bill Gates made his fortune in tech, but he’s now betting big on something completely different: farmland.

Last week, Gates secured the legal approval for purchasing 2,100 acres of farmland from northeastern North Dakota potato growers Campbell Farms.

https://youtu.be/yT_3B3iwUZI – Live Healing: Heart Awakening Transmission (Mei-lan)

4 July 2022 One Seed

July 4, 2022July 4, 2022 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Food, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Money, Nature, photography, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, space, Spirituality and Religion, technology, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

“Even if just one seed takes root in fertile soil, there is hope. “.

There are many different kinds of seed known and in many cases estranged from our knowing. Life can be so cruel and harsh and appear to not care about us being or not being. So many lashing out or lashing in. Seeds sown from our early beginnings thriving or never seeing the light of day. Sometimes you have to be still , quiet….patient. Listen to the wind which carries the very essence of what animates you and gives you life. There are tiny seeds you can and cannot see in every breath you take. The gut….a highly evolved plant kingdom. We all share the essence of life. You can drink water but without breath there is no life. Remember the trees in your “plans.”

This was just down the street where I lived in Alvarado TX – a church I used to go to a lot!

3 July 2022 Chasing Our Tails

July 3, 2022 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Food, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Nature, photography, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing ok. Frustrated with myself. Tried to fit into a pair of jeans I’ve had for so many years this morning and nope! Too bloated. There is a Dr. Guidry and others that say the culprit is probably leaky gut syndrome. I am trying to eat better but still taking in too much processed food that is heavy on salt. It’s hard when your living alone to want to cook for yourself and if you do, avoid having a lot of waste. I am working with God about this and my body. Our microme- gut bacteria gets trained up early on in our lives. I notice for myself, that my body likes to eat a lot of protein. Much of the protein I ate as a young person came from meat. I want to change that. I am seeking a protein that does for me what meat does without involving the suffering and death of food animals. I have explored stuff like Quinoa and coconut milk. God and I will figure this out!

Yesterday I was looking into water filter technology and there is a lot of innovation out there. The Achilles heal to much of it – what to do with what is filtered out of water. The byproduct of most filtration tech is dirty filters and stuff you have to figure out what to do with. Desalinization – brine. What O read is a lot of the byproduct gets put back where the water came from! This doesn’t make any sense. It’s like seeing no trash someplace and forgetting there is a landfill somewhere brimming over with trash! Out of sight out of mind. If I have water delivered to my house it’s still not solving the problem. How about working on putting less crap in our drinking water to begin with? Will there ever be a day we feel safe drinking from the tap? Kind of felt like I was chasing my tail yesterday about this issue and so many others. Fix one thing, answer one question and there is something else to consider. Thinking something, a decision, all the way through isn’t easy but necessary. Making hasty decisions oftentimes is a catalyst for more problems to arise. Some enjoy that – profiting from making problems and then making more money coming up with solutions. I call that profit from misery. If problems are preventable then we should work on that. Doing what is right isn’t easy always but it can be rewarding!

Sometimes things are not what they seem – sometimes we have to look deeper than what the surface shows us. Flies are considered a pest but what I figured out is they are a lot like us. They get hungry , thirsty, want to reproduce and most of all are very curious. We are taught many things that just aren’t always true. Be willing and God will show you the truth of just about anything.

6 June 2022 Thinking

June 6, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, books, Health, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, Television, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you today. How are you? I hope this finds you well. As I look out the windows this morning you would never know we had thunder and lightening yesterday! Beautiful blue skies out there!

Whenever I experience thunder and lightening – especially the lightening part- a word comes to mind: thinking. Seeing all those bands of light flashing about makes me imagine what’s going on inside my own brain….my body. The phrase “as above so below” comes to mind too. Where did the concept of making beings like us come from? What was God’s inspiration to fashion us brains running with electricity? All those flashes of light from one neural path to another right in our own heads! It makes sense to me that before there was science that our ancestors saw thunder and lightening as God speaking to them. Last night I just sat and listened….watched. I could almost hear God saying, “I am God! You are guests here! Everything belongs to me!”

To me the earth is a sentient creation of God…..not just some mere blue marble. Look around you and listen beyond our human activities….despite it all the earth can make a beautiful flower grow in a tiny crack in a driveway. So much meaningful intelligence going on just to keep us all alive even as we continue to harm ourselves, each other and the rest of creation we share life with. What a merciful God! Sometimes the weather patterns seem like expression of emotion. One storm will be gentle and yet another like rage.

A couple messages from A Woman’s Spirit today – sometimes all you can do is laugh at how ridiculous life can be:

“I will not take myself so seriously. I will let laughter heal.” Jan Pishok

“Laughter promotes personal growth and health. I will practice this prescription today. “

One of my favorite comedians is Gabriel Iglesias:

https://youtu.be/uPc5X4BSltw – Gabriel Iglesias Aloha Fluffy 2013 Hawaii full show

Some pictures from yesterdays walks:

Your brain is made up of networks of small cells called neurons that communicate electrochemically to enable you to think, feel, and interact with the world around you. Because electrical charges are responsible for brain activity, electrical stimulation can in turn be used to change the brain’s functioning.May 15, 2019

https://kids.frontiersin.org › articles