Hello to you. How are you today? Today my message has to do with reconciling what happened to me during my episode and not giving up my faith about it. When the police tazzed me like they did I screamed out for Jesus to come and help me but he didn’t come. I ended up in the hospital again. Is that what the answer was? Working through other people to help me? This is what a lot of people have said to me. I have had a crisis of faith but realize without Jesus and his people I am so alone.
Church today
I am not giving up on my faith. May be in all that is happening is a humbling I needed – to realize I can’t do this life alone and have to ask for help.
Message today from Streams in the Desert My buddy Link
Hello to you. Yesterday was interesting. I’m grateful to my cousin for helping me navigate the Veterans Administration system. I don’t think I could have done it on my own. There are a lot of buildings and processes. My doctor had a lot of questions for me and is wanting to taper me off of one of my drugs to see if the rocking sensation subsides. We shall see. Apparently Haldol is known to have an rocking effect. I haven’t been taking it that long so not sure.
Like I said just feeling grateful that I have a support system here to help me get through what it’s taking to get some balance in my life again. We have a follow up appointment in December.
Hello to you. How are you today? I’m up and at em but still having to figure out routines. Having a schedule of when to get up and when to go to bed and life in between. Link is a big part of all of that especially with his leg bothering him the way it is now.
I am kind of having a crisis of faith too. It was Jesus I cried out to when the police tazzed me with electricity the day I was picked up. There was no rescue just going to the hospital. Was that his reply to my plea? I really thought it was time for the end of the world that day. I will have to see what the days ahead hold for me.
Today has started out good. I was able to get some of my ID replaced that I lost and the biggest news was we got Link back! His back leg is bothering him so we are taking him to the vet this afternoon to have it looked at. Hopefully nothing serious! It was scary being at the humane society shelter- so many barking dogs! I’m so glad to have my little boo bear back! I feel so much gratitude towards my family both current and past that helped us! This was another case of powerlessness and having to let God about it. Even though we are far apart, we are still connected and there for each other.
For a long time , most of my life, I have loved God. As I have matured and learned so much about matters of organic energy and matters of the spirit I have learned through personal experience how important it is to have s personal relationship. A relationship no one outside of myself can define. No book or written word. Sometimes just the sound of aspen leaves blowing in the wind. Always present. Recently I made a choice I had been straddling the fence about for many years. I decided to surrender my soul to Jesus Christ….not in the book but the one I have come to know through a personal relationship. In the sky, God and the Earth my mother…our shared mother and once they made a son. I don’t believe he left such is not the way of this system as I understand it. Too many words. Human beings trying to make sense of things as they had understanding at the time. Words of the time that have changed in ours. So many translations. So many individual perceptions. We are in the one circle. Sometimes mythology is our only comfort in times of great loss and confusion.
This morning I had an interesting dream. There was a woman I had a conflict with and she got so angry with me. We exchanged words and I thought that was it but then she started to slap my face faster than is even humanly possible. She was so angry! But I stood still and let her do it until finally she stopped. To me this was biblical. No matter what was going on, I stood my ground and didn’t retaliate against her. Something she did not expect me to do.
Matthew 5:38-40New International Version
Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[a](A)39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.(B)40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.
When I was growing up my Mom used to get very angry with me. I don’t want to go into it out of respect for her. She used to get so mad at me she would “see red.” I had to, later, learn to empathize with why she may have done some things she did AND because of those things she made me a survivor. She had a lot that made her the way she was and that influenced who I was but at the end of the day I had a choice. I could choose to not forgive her and lose the only Mom God gave me or forgive and not waste any more time feeding darkness that comes of it.
Imagine waiting nearly a whole life time to hear your father tell you he loved you……as I recall it this was the case for her. On his deathbed!
God needed me to be tough to survive these times. No matter what I have endured, I wouldn’t change a thing……even my mother’s suicide. This world was too tough for her and she wanted to be with Jesus. She has been my mother in other ways with his help. I just had to make s conscious decision about my soul and surrender.
Today many will be choosing to experience fellowship about Jesus indoors. I will be going to a park. The energy inside of many enclosed spaces, when other people are there, is difficult for me. Bless all of you today.
Sometimes people smile but they are a black hole sun.
Sometimes loss, suffering, pain can turn us inside out. From my own experience, huge voids, organic black holes created and nothing of this tangible world can fill us up. What I have had to learn is to be careful what I put into those voids once they happen. Everything is an energetic process. Our bodies, our world, what we eat and drink with a fork and spoon and the food we eat that you can’t chew and swallow (energy) is energy. Everything is some form of energetic process. If you experience something that you suffer about, be careful, be mindful of what you “ingest” in its place. For me – Jesus Christ and music. I love you – in case no one has told you that today. Get out there and do amazing things. You got this!
To be 