Hello to you. How is your day going as you visit here? I hope well. Last night I had another one of those dreams like I recently shared with you. I felt like this energy entered my room and went over me. I could hear and feel it. It was different this time as I spoke to the darkness and was able to say “Jesus!” more than once. Well apparently this crossed over into the waking world and scared Link off of the bed! Not quite sure what’s going on. There are things always going on in the unseen spirit world and sometimes it seems we cross paths with it and we experience things. For me it’s mostly in dreams and I’m grateful for that.
After church these sweet girls passed out flowers to us Lots of lovely clouds yesterday Pretty yellow for me!
Yesterday was a really good day. I got myself to church and got to meet two new people! What is so beautiful was these were people I had noticed the Sunday before – one of them in a wheelchair. They were a daughter and her mom who had been going to the other campus for the church in Nampa but decided to start going to Middleton. Our church is smaller ( right now) and the traffic isn’t so bad (yet). It’s funny how God works and to actually experience his love, or hesed, first hand. So many things flit across my mind and heart that lead to moments like I’m describing to you. We are God’s feet. We are instruments God uses to demonstrate hesed. This word was spoken for the second time since I’ve been going back to church. I had never heard the word hesed before:
Yesterday spending time with my family to honor my Aunt I saw hesed in various forms:
My beautiful Auntie and cousin having a moment of hesed. Their love goes beyond words. My cousins husband and Smokey finally get along! They used to hate each other! They just had to learn to communicate.
Some other images from the day:
My Aunt loved her balloonMy Auntie is recovering from knee surgery. It was so good to see her and the family! Wonderful smells here in a bush in my Aunt and Uncles front yard My cousins husbands Mothers Day card art work – loved it!! This is from the story The Help: https://youtu.be/3H50llsHm3k – video clip from The Help Link helps me feel like a Mom sometimes
Messages:
Thinking about the Holy Spirit This passage makes me think of how I went from just noticing a woman in a wheelchair to actually meeting her and getting to shake her hand! God works in mysterious and wonderful ways! I didn’t realize this commonly used phrase had an origin other than the Bible:
God Moves in a Mysterious Way” is a Christian hymn, written in 1773 by William Cowper from England.
Hello to you. How are you today? I’m writing to you from my bed. My lower body is still not happy with me. Mornings are the toughest part of the day but through the course of the day things loosen and warm up. Yesterday was a really good day. The gravel install went really well and the men did a wonderful job. I’m so grateful to them. Such hard working people that I could even hear whistling as they worked! Doing that kind of work has to take a toll on the body. I prayed for them and their bodies.
This will make things a lot easier for me! My neighbors thought the crew did a great job too. My neighbor works 40-60 hrs a week and has a child. She doesn’t have much free time or energy for yard maintenance. She’s thinking about having these guys fix her yard too. With drought conditions also it’s a good move. These words really resonated thinking specifically about the men working here yesterday and others I see splashed over headlines. Generated a question as I observe much of the world and what it’s going through – who do you work for? Who is your boss? Ultimately who do you answer to with the work and other things you do? For me, God is my boss. God gets the glory not me.
Yesterday my cousin and I got a chance to talk on the phone and she mentioned my other cousins husbands mom had a stroke. My cousin and I are about the same age (50’s) and we are noticing that there is a whole generation of people, for us in their 70’s that are going through a lot of “body stuff” all at once. I felt sad when I heard about Naomi Judd and her battle with and ultimately succumbing to mental health issues. She was in her 70’s. I know from my own journey that mental health can be a potentially fatal condition. Suicide being the big part of it. What happens with our mind affects our entire existence. What I see in the news about all this doesn’t talk about what I see in the dis-eases of the mind and body. For all the proclamations of faith we are a very sick country spiritually. You can’t put tangibles…things of a material world in the soul. That space is just for God. All the pills, self help modalities, treatments and spa days in the world aren’t going to help a broken soul. This is what I have had to learn and relearn for most of my life.
Millions of Americans struggled with their mental health well before COVID-19, but the pandemic hasn’t made shouldering mental illness any easier – an issue brought to light over the weekend after the death of country music star Naomi Judd.
Who is your boss? Do you even really know? When I was in the military I had a boss all the way to the President! A lot of different people telling me, ordering, what to do each day. Through all the voices, expectations and demands I had to understand that ultimately I answer to God. When all is said and done in this life no one here on earth is going to matter to you. Who are you allowing to feed your soul?
Time for a walk, Link and I have been going even if it hurts! We just go really slow!
Another princess….Purples I looked this up and I think it’s going to be an Iris! This place gives me a rest – love the running waterSo vibrant! Had to stop and admire this! One of these walks I’m going to remember to bring money so I can try food from this little food truck!Hello sun! Doesn’t the sun look huge lol?! These are shops when we take the longer walk – pizza, tanning and s laundromat This is a musician I spent time listening to yesterday – mentioned him here before – Astravert aka Justin Carter. I realized yesterday when he smiles he reminds me of my younger dad when he would smile and laugh! He’s back in Omaha Nebraska with his parents for a couple months to save money. Some times trying to live off of A Twitch salary is rough! Watch https://twitch.tv/astravert with me on Twitch! astravert
I was exploring yesterday. I had been hearing an instrument in some music lately and discovered it was the Tanpura! You can really sing with this instrument – so soothing! It’s a very distinctive sound in music from India:
Hello to you. How are you today? I’m feeling better than yesterday or the day before. Today is a new day and I’m grateful for it. Something happened this morning that hasn’t happened for quite awhile – I cried. I was listening to the song I shared with you, Pray for Me by The Weeknd and I just felt the song really deep inside. There is a part of the song that made me think of Black Panther’s Wakanda – tribal. It made me think of sitting with Kyle and our friend Billy who had brought over the Black Panther movie so we could watch it together. I remember getting goosebumps watching it! Finally a new story being told with people of color starring in it! It’s one of my favorite Marvel movies. My thoughts touched on how sad it is Chadwick is not going to be in the next Black Panther movie….I suspect there will be a new king.
After all these thoughts and tears I found I felt less pain everywhere. I’ve been noticing how the pains in my body keep moving around. I’ll get relief in one part of my body only for a new part to start hurting! When I was doing Quantum Touch energy healing that phenomenon happened a lot. We would have to chase the pain around the body like it was a actual entity – a ghost needing to be sent to the light. Pain is a stubborn energy that like a bad renter can be difficult to evict! One of the ways to expel pain is through tears. Sometimes I think pain is a way for our body to seek attention from us. In our busy lives it’s really easy to take our bodies and the amazing….sometimes extremely complex things we ask of them for granted! I have been guilty of this at many points in my life.
Researchers have established that crying releases oxytocin and endogenous opioids, also known as endorphins.These feel-good chemicals help ease both physical and emotional pain.Mar 1, 2021
It doesn’t make you any less or weak when you let yourself feel things and shed tears
The walks yesterday:
I made myself go to church yesterday even though it hurt. There was an elderly woman there in a wheelchair…how then can I complain when I can walk? I was imagining my Aunt and Uncle filling these chairs. They are going through their own body stuff too! Leaving church….next it was going to get groceries! When you live alone everything is up to you. It won’t get done if you don’t do it. People offer to help but ultimately it ends up being your responsibility. Everybody has “stuff” going on! I love you This tree just captivated me every time I see it! Such a vibrant personality! One of the yard ornaments in a neighbors yard – it’s a spinning one Hello sun My eyes turned to the various wild grasses growing in the neighborhood. I had to touch them, so soft! Spring isn’t just about blooms! Yet another tree in the neighborhood being cut down. It always makes me sad as so many lives depend on just one tree. But I understand sometimes trees die or are causing a homeowner trouble like with the foundation. Some day….right now there are a lot of little Eden’s
This morning as I’m still having back pain my thoughts turned to that special state you can get into where your body, time and existence are all synchronized….nothing hurts, there is no clock and your just completely absorbed in doing something what pleases every part of you. They call it the flow state:
Flow is a state of mind in which a person becomes fully immersed in an activity. Positive psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi describes flow as a state of complete immersion in an activity. Being immersed can be defined as a state of focus in which a person is completely absorbed and engrossed in their work.
While in this mental flow state, people are highly involved and focused on what they are doing.
“The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost,” Csíkszentmihályi said in an interview with Wired magazine.1
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I find lately that I’m able to get into this state when I’m out exploring with Link and noticing the world around me. Taking pictures with my phone. What comes to mind again is Kairos time – for a moment operating in God’s time. I’m a car going on the best Sunday drives ever. I’m learning to cherish those moments when it feels like God makes the clock and pain disappear. Last night I found this song playing in my head again and so I decided to listen to it. I got goose bumps all over me. What a perfect song to play walking in the garden:
Each morning when I open my eyes is another day to be more in love with the one who made me. “I see you seeing me seeing you” This isn’t the greatest picture as cell phone cameras do have limits but I wanted to take a moment with this young tree as it begins to wake up. My neighbors up the street have been working so hard and this is some fruits of their labors. I think they did a great job! Do you remember the picture I took of Smokey all pooped out?! Link is tired but still smiles! I just love seeing what God is doing with the canvas of sky – ever changing as he stands stillThese tulips keep catching my eye. The owner of the yard has been doing some digging but these beauties remain in the seeming chaos around them. Can’t you almost hear Clair De Lune standing here? There is such glory in seeing a tree in the sunlight
The lyrics to this song speak of generations coming up behind me. Where is God in all this chaos every day? Do all I have is myself? From my own experience I know God is everywhere in my life but I can understand how young people can lose hope – think they have to get through all by themselves. This song also speaks of the fight Chadwick put up with his battle with colon cancer. Such a light extinguished way too soon:
I’m always ready for a war again (a war again) Go down that road again (that road again) It’s all the same (it’s all the same) I’m always ready to take a life again You know I’ll ride again It’s all the same (ooh, ooh, ooh)
Tell me who’s gon’ save me from myself When this life is all I know Tell me who’s gon’ save me from this hell Without you, I’m all alone
Who gon’ pray for me? (Who gon’ pray for me?) Take my pain for me? (Take my pain for me?) Save my soul for me? (Save my soul for me?) ‘Cause I’m alone, you see (I’m alone, you see) If I’m gon’ die for you (if I’m gon’ die for you ) If I’m gon’ kill for you (if I’m gon’ kill for you) Then I’ll spill this blood for you, hey
I fight the world, I fight you, I fight myself I fight God, just tell me how many burdens left I fight pain and hurricanes, today I wept I’m tryna fight back tears, flood on my doorsteps Life a livin’ hell, puddles of blood in the streets Shooters on top of the building, government aid ain’t relief Earthquake, the body drop, the ground breaks The poor run with smoke lungs and Scarface Who need a hero? (Hero) You need a hero, look in the mirror, there go your hero Who on the front lines at ground zero? (Hero) My heart don’t skip a beat, even when hard times bumps the needle Mass destruction and mass corruption The souls are sufferin’ men Clutchin’ on deaf ears again, rapture is comin’ It’s all prophecy and if I gotta be sacrificed for the greater good Then that’s what it gotta be
Who gon’ pray for me? (Who gon’ pray for me?) Take my pain for me? (Take my pain for me?) Save my soul for me? (Save my soul for me?) ‘Cause I’m alone, you see (I’m alone, you see) If I’m gon’ die for you (if I’m gon’ die for you ) If I’m gon’ kill for you (if I’m gon’ kill for you) Then I’ll spill this blood for you, hey
Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey Hey, hey
Who gon’ pray for me? (Who gon’ pray for me?) Take my pain for me? (Take my pain for me?) Save my soul for me? (Save my soul for me?) ‘Cause I’m alone, you see (I’m alone, you see) If I’m gon’ die for you (if I’m gon’ die for you ) If I’m gon’ kill for you (if I’m gon’ kill for you) Then I’ll spill this blood for you, hey
Just in case my faith go I live by my own law I live by my own law I live by my own Just in case my faith go I live by my own law I live by my own law I live by my own
Hello to you. How are you today? In a little bit I will be going to join some others to help set up church for tonight’s Good Friday observance. In light of what is being remembered, I’ve always had a hard time thinking of this day as good. A good man was tortured, he suffered and died on a cross with criminals. What could possibly be good about that?’ What I’m reminded is good about today is he went through all that for us….so we wouldn’t have to. He took all of the world on himself out of love for both his father and each of us. It’s truly a beautiful thing to think about someone loving me that much to go through everything he did.
the Friday before Easter Sunday, on which the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ is commemorated in the Christian Church. It is traditionally a day of fasting and penance.
Last night I was restless and wanted to watch something. I was pleased to find and watch (finally! My cousin and his wife recommended this to me over a year ago!) The Case For Christ. It was the story of author Lee Strobel an atheist who after a journey of discovery and love found his way to believing in Jesus Christ. The movie did a really good job of showing what having a believer and an unbeliever living in the same house with children can really cause disruption….division. Test a marriage. My ex-husband and I went through some of that strife. If you haven’t seen it and are curious, I saw it on You tube.
As you can see by my note and the date I’ve struggled with sleep for a long time. This is another scripture of comfort. You can talk to God about anything you need help with!
Todays message from A Woman’s Spirit is a good one for what we are remembering today….forgiveness:
Work for justice. Struggle for forgiveness. Choose love. -Patricia Benson
Justice, forgiveness, and love sound far loftier than they are. Developing these qualities requires only that we live as we think God wants us to live. It’s as simple as that. Admittedly, when we have wanted to punish a significant person in our lives, we have often preferred “justifiable” anger or resentment over love. However, the emotional hangover that has followed the expression of our outrage has diminished any pleasure we might have gained.
Our inclination to forgive other people and ourselves, coupled with our decision to love rather than punish those who irritate us, seems to grow daily. Our changed perspective comes from our willingness to grow in recovery. We can be as peace-filled and as loving as we want. We’re in charge!
I will stay in control of who I am today. I can fulfill God’s wishes.
In all the mysteries of mysteries there is light both seen and unseen. Matthew 5:16 New International Version
16 In the same way, let your light shine before others,(A) that they may see your good deeds(B)and glorify(C) your Father in heaven.
Hello to you today. I hope this finds you well. To be honest I’m struggling a bit today. The more it seems that I seek what’s good in the world the more the opposite extreme seems to try to get in my view.
I decided to watch The Chosen yesterday and I am enjoying it so far. The scene when Jesus heals “Lilith” real name Mary really touched me. When he puts his hands on her head and brought her peace she could feel I thought of that scene from the Davinci Code when Sophie touches Robert Langdons head. I thought of all the times Kyle used to do that to me when I was thinking too much. A simple and beautiful gesture…..feeling peace….relief from too many mind. If your curious You can get the Chosen app from the Apple Store. Here is a link: http://www.thechosen.tv/app or search “The Chosen”
“Are your cars dirty after the rain? The culprit is strong winds blowing lakebed dust near Summer Lake OR toward the Boise, Nampa, Meridian area,” the NWS wrote on social media.
My cars windshield!
Message from A Woman’s Spirit today:
My life is filled with the evidence that I am lovable. God has not forgotten me. Everywhere I look today, I’ll see a gift.
I know times are ruff right now but it’s going to be ok! Do what I do and be happy right now. Stop worrying about all that stuff you can’t or won’t do anything about. Be good ok?
John 14:15-31New International Version
Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit
15 “If you love me, keep my commands.(A)16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate(B) to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth.(C) The world cannot accept him,(D) because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[a] in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans;(E) I will come to you.(F)19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me.(G) Because I live, you also will live.(H)20 On that day(I) you will realize that I am in my Father,(J) and you are in me, and I am in you.(K)21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me.(L) The one who loves me will be loved by my Father,(M) and I too will love them and show myself to them.”
I Look To You – just the voice in song I needed to hear today. Beautiful Whitney.
A little joke between my cousin and I – she gave this to me yesterday lol
Hello to you. How are you today? I’m a little slow today. It’s amazing how much just one hour can screw you up lol! Most people I talk to agree it would be ok if we did away with the daylight savings.
Todays message from A Woman’s Spirit was about how important it is to value your own significance. By valuing your own significance you are more able to value the significance of others. When people are caretaker types or and have low self esteem or are damaged by life they don’t realize their own value. They always put others wants, needs and value before their own. I was like this and wasn’t checking my motives about it……I got resentful! Resentment is the seed oftentimes for addictive behaviors. In addition to trying to get sleep, I used to drink to deal with my feelings. I wanted to be numb. Distractions of this world are used to lose ourselves too. If I’m doing a distracting thing I don’t have to think about anything else – I can avoid myself!
Right now I am having time to get to know myself. I am still not feeling suited to be somebody’s significant other! The void in me that was created by the divorce is being filled with getting to know myself better and getting closer to God.
A Woman’s Spirit Message for today:
Before I can become a significant other, I must become significant to myself. – Kelley Vickstrom
Why is it so hard to feel as if we matter? Putting other people’s wishes and needs before our own may seem natural. We may feel shame when we say no. As girls, we may have watched our mothers and grandmothers tending to the whims of everyone else. Probably without ever being told, we simply followed suit. What’s worse , we may not have even expected appreciation for our actions.
Now that we are learning to think of ourselves we feel a bit selfish. However , we must begin to honor our significance, and we have to understand that to do so is not egotistical. In order to lovingly appreciate others in our lives, to treat them as significant, we have to value our own significance. Our Higher Power considers us significant; it’s time we followed suit.
Affirming my own significance will help me appreciate other people. Today I will value my interactions with others.
This scene from one of my favorite films and books speaks volumes. In this scene multigenerational trauma, how we pass the good and bad through multiple generations is spoken:
“No, this cannot be, this not knowing what you’re worth, this not begin with you. My mother not know her worth until too late – too late for her, but not for me.”
Todays Twitch stream was good. We talked about a lot of stuff today! Addiction, the choice to have pets, psalm 26, different cultures living together, world peace, technology and responsible creation. One of my viewers asked if I feel like technology has brought people together and my answer was yes but it’s also a bit of an illusion. With technology I’m able to communicate with people all over the world – something without technology I wouldn’t be able to do. Without technology my life would be very lonely….but I have to remind myself that technology isn’t a replacement for one to one contact. Technology can’t replace what happens between people having face to face contact.
I wish there were more visionaries in the world of creation. So much of our worlds operations is based on short sightedness. How much money will this make me? Not how will this be a benefit to mankind. Follow from creation and through the entire life cycle of what is being created – where is what I want to create going to end up? Taking responsibility for our creations. When I really started thinking about my crafts and hobbies I ended up stopping a lot of what I was doing! I liked to paint but realized the environmental impact of my enjoying it – the paint in the water for example. One area of late that I am concerned about with this is robotics. I would like to see more vigilance….more regulation but it’s already kind of too late! Anyways, talked about a lot today.
“Focus on how we are the same not how we are different.” – me
My thoughts and prayers are with the people of the Ukraine and Russia – any part of our shared world that is in conflict of any kind. We must learn to focus as a world on what we have in common not how we are different – what separates us. It’s like taking out your mental gratitude list. Once you think of one thing a whole bunch of others come to your mind! I just hope everything is going to be alright with all of this.
I highly recommend this video – we are all responsible for the “stuff” that gets manifested in this world: https://youtu.be/9GorqroigqM
Hello to you how are you? It’s Monday morning again and I’m finally starting to wake up. What’s happening is the Doxepin isn’t really working like I hoped and I am still having to take the Hydroxyzine which makes me groggy. I’ve also been having lower back and leg pain which makes it hard to get out of bed. I resolved to myself that I’m going to try to do more stretching through the day to see if that helps. There is a part of me considering a yoga class they have in town. I used to do yoga! I could even do a head stand!
The stream was fun this morning. One of my viewers was involved in a school musical production of Grease. We had fun with a couple of the songs. It’s been ages since I was a huge fan of the movie starring Olivia Newton John and John Travolta. The age group my viewer is in are like 11 and 12 year olds. As you may or may not remember there are a lot of mature themes in Grease. My viewer joked that one of the cast was talking about “huge knockers” and he probably didn’t even know what he was talking about! LOL!!
Yesterday I was in the mood to watch movies which has been extremely rare! The first movie was Black Butterfly starring Antonio Banderas and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. When I initially had heard about the movie and saw trailers I wasn’t interested. I’m so glad I watched it! I can’t believe it was free on You tube! https://youtu.be/-_VUHxa7nwg – Black Butterfly. I was delightfully surprised at all the plot twists. The other one I watched and enjoyed was called The Illusionist starring Edward Norton and Paul Giamatti : https://youtu.be/KunQC6a6fPU – The Illusionist. I don’t want to tell you what these films are about – don’t want to spoil the surprise that each of them has to offer! It felt good to have the movie experience and not have my manic/paranoid/delusional self reading too much into what what I was watching.
“Practiced consistently, new habits become who I am.” – Lin Andrukat (A Woman’s Spirit)
“Any current behavior used to be “new.” It became a habit only with continuous use. I can decide to begin a new behavior today. “ (A Woman’s Spirit)
Hello. How are you today? I hope good. I’m feeling pretty good. I got some sleep and that makes the world of difference!
First drawing in my new sketchbook today
The Twitch stream this morning was good. I got a chance to talk about some things I hadn’t talked about before. For example some of what was going on with media and my brain when I had all those manic episodes. How it’s really important to be mindful of what you feed your mind, body and spirit. When I was having manic episodes my brain didn’t differentiate between fantasy and reality. The two worlds merged and I was in the middle. I feel “content creators” in this world have a responsibility for what they put into this world. Over time, if we look, there has been a lot of trash packaged for consumption that may be should have just been left to being a thought, a dream…. a nightmare. There are people like me that have had psychotic breaks and start talking to things like television sets!
Another thing I talked about along the line of content creation is motive. As a content creator what is my motive for my creation? Is it to make a lot of money? Garner attention and fame? Influence people? Why am I doing it? For me personally it’s for several reasons. Making the videos and writing this blog is very therapeutic. It helps me not be lonely for a little while. It’s also my hope when I’m doing these things that somebody will get something out of it. That something will resonate with them and they will be able to use it to help themselves of somebody else. My motives are pure. I’m not looking for money or fame from doing what I do. Honestly I don’t think that is Gods plan for me. In the past when money has come into play with crafts and stuff I’m doing it has tainted it….the purity is lost. Bottom line is as a person putting “stuff” into the atmosphere people live in it’s important to check your motives at the door!
To be 