21 April 2022 When Is The Last Time You Fed Your Soul?

April 21, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, books, Food, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? Another late start for me. Last night I actually fell asleep but then Link and Smokey needed to go out…at 2 in the morning! Ugh!! I was able to get back to sleep off and on and actually have interesting dreams. I was with a lot of different people!

Yesterday morning I had the blessing of meeting a new friend for breakfast at the Sunrise. We got the chance to hear more of each other’s stories and talk about the goodness of God in our lives. She and I are both relatively new to Grace Bible Church in Middleton. We talked about a lot. She reminded me that if I truly believe who God is, I am not the labels this world has given me….my sin…my mistakes. I am his child and I am forgiven. With a loving God we don’t have to be defined by the world. She mentioned a very convicting question she was asked recently, “When is the last time you fed your soul? Or have you just been feeding the flesh?” Life in our modern world can seem overwhelming and chaotic. Especially with my friend trying to be a wife, mother to three rambunctious boys and so much more….. and still in all that “noise” of life take care of yourself…. feed your soul. I walked there and walked home and I was so sore lol but I made sure to write down that question so I could share it with you today. The other thing I wrote down feeling the pain of my body was, “my body is not a prison. My body is a temple.” The pain will pass…it always does.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20New International Version

¹⁹Do you not know that your bodies are temples^(A) of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;^(B) ²⁰you were bought at a price.^(C)Therefore honor God with your bodies.^(D)

Yesterdays time really meant a lot to me. Meeting in person! Seeing her eyes change depending on what she was talking about – watching a little bit of the tired she carry’s in those eyes lift. Seeing her smile as she talked about what was on her heart. There is something about actual tangible moments like we had that no digital medium can ever replace. We fed our souls and our belly’s were contented by yet another wonderful Sunrise breakfast.

Here are some pictures. May be they will give you a moment of rest today. May be they will help you feed your soul. I encourage you to take that camera phone of yours on a walk…what miracle of creation will God show you?

One of a whole group of these. I think it’s a succulent.

I found these two little beauties hiding under a bush

When I got up from photographing the blooms I almost stepped on this little being. Jumping spiders are amazing to me. I’ve had some actually interact with me.

Where the lost puzzle pieces go….I had to smile when I found this. Thinking of people I love who enjoy puzzles. Putting together puzzles with my Mom on snow days when I was a kid.

Couldn’t zoom in closer but wanted you to see the ducks enjoying the canals.

I was looking for scripture about light and darkness and found this in John

“Ok much better! I’m tired from our walk but so happy! If you have to choose between being happy and sad I hope you will choose happy! Teeth aren’t just for chewing! Even we dogs know teeth are for smiling! “

6 April 2022 A Tangible World

April 6, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, books, Food, Home, Leading Life by Example, Nature, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 6 April 2022 Wednesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1448162389

Hello to you. How are you? I hope you are well. Today I got out of my comfort zone and went to a Middleton Woman’s Group. They had their first meeting at our local bakery called The Rustic Oven. All of the ladies were recent transplants from various parts of California like the Bay Area. It was interesting to hear the different reasons they left California. For some it was the politics and others stuff like the fires. It was a nice first meeting. I went from interacting purely in the digital world to interacting in the tangible world. I got out of my comfort zone!

I had an orange roll here was really yummy. Got a chance to meet some nice ladies!

Today there was a good message in A Woman’s Spirit:

We can say yes to life even at its darkest moments if we can see it as part of the greater reality. – Mary Norton Gordon

We glimpse only the opportunities that bear our name during any experience. We have heard many times in this program that we are never given more than we can handle. We can trust that this is true. We have also heard that God tells us only what we need to know right now; the rest will come to us when we are ready, when the time is right. That too we can count on as truth.

It goes without saying, then, that every moments experience is part of the bigger design for our lives, a design that always has a positive outcome. If we feel scared or confused by the changes in our lives, it’s only because we have forgotten that God is in charge of the plan for our lives. We can say yes and be at peace.

I know that what comes to me today is a tiny part of God’s big plan for my life. I am not alone.

———————-

Some pictures from my walks yesterday and this morning:

Matthew 19:14New International Version

¹⁴Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs^(A) to such as these.”^(B)

29 March 2022 Control

March 29, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, books, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 29 March 2022 Tuesday chat (core issues) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1440224536

Sunrise and realizing I have dirty windows! Lol!

Thinking of my friend who gave me this today – she’s such a good listener and friend

I was lead to revisit this book today. It was a gift from my Aunt many years ago

One of the biggest core issues in dysfunction is control

I know it’s probably hard to read this – really good stuff. Another word for control is attachment. In Buddhism it’s taught that attachment leads to suffering. Trying to control everything often leads to addiction and abuse.

I learned about surrender through the Holy Spirit and AA

Hello to you. How are you today? I hope this finds you well. The direction I was lead today was to a book my Aunt gave me many years ago, Healing the Child Within by Charles L. Whitfield MD. In particular to look at core issues of dysfunctional people and one of those core issues is control also known as attachment. The book is still available if you are interested in further reading and learning: Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0932194400/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_DM6N7NE2ZFQ55EGW7PHB

A couple messages from A Woman’s Spirit:

Inside me is a stirring truth that is guided by my Higher Power. I am empowered by truth and joy. – Laurel Lewis

I will listen to the still, small voice within and feel secure and joyful, knowing that my actions are God’s will.

On my Twitch Stream today one of my viewers from England who is a young girl, told us about what happened to her, her brother and her brothers friend. They were attacked by bullies again. She was pushed in front of a bus by these kids! I was so hurt for her and the others attacked. The core issue I was lead to in Dr. Whitfields book, control, really applies to these bullies. Many bullies are themselves victims of violence or have been taught this behavior. Are from lives where they haven’t been in control. In order for them not to feel powerless themselves they externalize in their behaviors…. do what has been done to them. Some of these types are fortunate and some kind of intervention happens but I suspect far too many an oftentimes divine intervention doesn’t happen. They end up in jail or prison…death row. In this lifetime they just don’t learn. I’m so grateful for all the things I’ve gone through that I’ve had God who has put the right people, places and things in my life. Some of us internalize and abuse ourselves to deal with powerlessness and in the case of bullies and others they externalize their powerlessness. “Frequently the person who feels out of control is obsessed with the need to be in control.” (Page 69).

One of the most resilient beings on earth

“Hey! You matter! Try to be good today ok?!”

23 March 2022 Finding Comfort

March 23, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, drawing, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Music, Nature, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 23 March 2022 Wednesday chat(AA Step 3) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1434295003

I had to talk to God and myself this morning while feeling anxiety

Hello to you. How are you? Today began with one of those anxiety attacks I get once in awhile. I think it has to do with sleep apnea but I’m not sure. I just know I kind of freaked out. I had to pull out some tools from my sanity toolkit to get myself calmed down. I started with talking to God and went to the Bible to try and find comforting messages. I looked through so many chapters….the concordance for anxiety and comfort and just couldn’t find what I was looking for. It came to me to try the “Big Book” from Alcoholics Anonymous, specifically Step 3….made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I ended up making my Twitch Stream today mostly about this step. When I initially entered into the program this step was hard. My sponsor reassured me that it didn’t have to be just the God of the Bible that I turned my will….surrendered to. It had to be a power that wasn’t me. It was me that got me into the mess I was in. Chances were that it wasn’t going to be my own will that was going to get me free. I just had to acknowledge I was powerless over alcohol (among other things of an addictive nature), admit I had a problem and then, most importantly, be WILLING to ask for help….accept help the way it came. What I realized using this program is if you get to the core of why addiction happens there are fewer what’s. A lot of people I met in AA were self medicating – they had a lot of “why’s” they were covering up with alcohol. They needed therapy and either couldn’t get it or would rather have the stigma of being an alcoholic than the stigma that comes with mental illness. When I look at my own life with help and by myself, there were so many why’s to my addictions. I kept trying to fill voids in my life with people, places and things. Many of those voids were of an intangible nature. You can’t put tangible things in the space where only the intangible dwells.

The messages from A Woman’s Spirit today had to do with friendship. The power we learn through the program is we can choose better friends. Here is a thought provoking part of the message:

“We may not have picked our friends carefully in our youth. Many of us felt pressured to hang out with a crowd that didn’t share our values. We frequently lived up to their expectations of us rather than our own. The internal conflict was painful, and we may still suffer from it.”

My choice of friends today reflects the health of my recovery.

________

It’s pretty easy to tell who are true friends are in life. They are the ones who are still there for you and comfort you as you clean up the mess you’ve made. I consider many members of my family also as dear friends! When we are young it feels like we don’t have a great power of choosing – so much is chosen for us!

Speaking of friendship! Last night Astravert did a wonderful collaboration with some fellow musicians on Twitch:

Check out astravert afishinabirdcage bagelrabbit COLLAB https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1433997448

4 January 2022 Being Comfortable

January 5, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Music, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi how’s your day been? It’s been a gray mushy and slushy day both outside and in my brain. I’m feeling better but still uncomfortable trying to be comfortable lol! My nostrils are raw and I have been feeling light headed….yucky!

Today I was brave again and ventured in to the spare rooooom and tackled some more files. Part of me just feels like saying fuck it and just emptying the room. Just get rid of everything…..but I won’t! Still too sentimental. While I was in there I glared at my POS (piece of shit) printer I’m thinking about replacing. I haven’t replaced it because I know the same scam will come with a new printer – all too quickly it will run out of ink. That’s how they get you. Sell you a cheap printer and charge you through the nose for replacement printer cartridges! Yeah so not in a hurry to do that.

The other thing I did today was look to see if there were any videos of my high school crush’s alter ego Roxy Marquis performing and sure enough there were! Seeing him lip sync Madonna transported me to the two of us driving in his blue Malibu with Madonnas “Get into the Groove” playing in the background. I’m still processing his passing on. There is a part of me that wishes I hadn’t gone back checking on him. I just didn’t expect he would be dead. That he had suffered for 4 years with lymphoma. Sigh. Life isn’t fair.

So it’s getting dark…..

“Where did you go tiny piece of star stuff? All smiling golden and ocean blue what has the Universe done with you?”

30 December 2021 Snow

December 30, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Food, Home, Leading Life by Example, Money, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 30 December 2021 Snow https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1247967777 – just a little video to share the heavy snowfall with you!

Good morning to you from snowy Idaho! How are you? I’m doing pretty good. I decided to unbury my car and go get groceries before we get so much snow I can’t get out. I’m so grateful to the people who work at our local Ridleys grocery store. If it gets much worse I hope they’ll let them close early but after talking to one of the gals who lives here in town, she said it’s unlikely they will close. These folks are some of the unsung hero’s in our world. I pray they will all be safe getting to and from work. Anyhew I am grateful. In awhile I need to go out and rearrange some of the snow that’s fallen! It’s accumulating fast!

Last night I had a nice stream on Twitch. A couple followers visited and that’s always fun. One is from London and the other France. We just talked about random stuff. It’s nice to have company in the evening. The only thing that is kind of annoying is the delay in the chat sometimes. They enjoyed getting to see the snow!

My friend contacted me about getting together tonight and we decided to cancel. With the roads like they are and all the snowfall we decided it was just better to wait til the weather was better.

I haven’t decided if I’m going to paint another shirt yet or not. I will say it’s been fun taking some old plain tshirts and breathing new life into them with art!

21 December 2021 Evening and 2nd shirt

December 22, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello. It’s evening again and I am feeling lonesome as usual. Figured I would visit with you for a bit. As you can see I did another shirt. I tried a different way of doing it and I think the best way is to draw out the whole design and just gradually paint it. My hands aren’t as steady as they used to be! There are a lot of lines! It’s good I’m using old shirts to start with.

Today I had a good visit with a dear friend I’ve had since I was stationed at what was Falcon AFB CO…..it’s now Shriever AFB. She was kind of feeling like I was. This holiday season has been hard as she lost her mom in October. What helps her is she has a 11 year old son and that has helped her holiday spirit. We both agree there is way too much emphasis on elevating the country’s GDP. It should be about food and family….God. I told her the only gifts I bought this year were bags of food at the grocery store for the local food bank. Talking to her really helped me today – seeing her bright smile and all her dogs helped my spirits.

18 December 2021 Friendship

December 18, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, drawing, Food, Movies, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How is your day going so far? I am finally up and having some coffee. Looks like it’s going to be an overcast day!

I love the message on this mug from my friend Tawna

Last night was fun! I got together with my friend Lisa. We tried to introduce her German Shepherd Millie who is a year old to my grumpy old man Link who is 7 and things didn’t go well. Link got so worked up that he pooped himself! Sigh! Millie had to be crated for the visit and listen to Link finding all her chewy bone stashes!

Poor Link he isn’t used to dogs bigger than him!

We got Chinese food from the Canton Cafe in Caldwell and watched Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. The food was really good and the movie was pretty good too. I enjoyed seeing another cultures story brought to life much like I did with Black Panther. What I enjoyed the most was seeing the most were the choreographed fight scenes that were like a dance and mythological beasts brought to life.

My friend Lisa makes pretty things and I had her make me a Mala necklace/bracelet to help me at night with winding my mind down. It’s made of amethyst beads:

I hope this finds you well and that you are enjoying the season.

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

13 December 2021 Stories

December 13, 2021 by saymber, posted in Home, Music, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you from here. How are you today? As I write to you I’m sitting here with some coffee and the world is gray again. I didn’t sleep very well last night again. I have to have background noise when I sleep. I decided to try cat purring noises. My Amber kitty used to purr me to sleep. It helped!

Talked to my my dad yesterday. I feel bad for my dad being trapped in his body and having to be in a nursing home. He’s making the best of it but didn’t sound very happy. He was the kind of person that liked to be on the go all the time……then his legs failed him.

So last night I did a shorter live stream. A couple of my friends got on and that was super nice. I got introduced to a new song. Im always on the lookout for new music: The Hu Song of Woman https://youtu.be/mdN1U9NvuIc

After my friends left I got a chance to visit with a 29 year old man from Mexico. He lives in a large city and misses living in a more forestry place. He mentioned not feeling real safe where he lives namely drug cartels! I shared some of my art with him. He’s learning to play bass guitar and likes to draw too. He’s considering starting his own channel! Evening seems to be the best time to find people that want to visit.

It’s nice that there are only a couple people that get on my channel at a time. I like having the back and forth conversation. Some channels on Twitch have thousands of viewers at a time which is fine for the music channels but for chatting not so much. I like to get to know my viewers and followers.

I hope you have s wonderful day. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day for me!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

3 December 2021 Crap House (Gingerbread House Kit)

December 4, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you doing tonight? Today was a good day – made much brighter by my friend who came over and spent some time with Link and I. She is one of Links favorite special friends! We love her so much!

She brought over a gingerbread house kit for us to put together. We listened to Christmas music and did our best lol! The kit looked like this:

Well we both agreed we ended up with a house that was crap lol! The kit didn’t even have all the materials in the picture. There was supposed to be a box of Dots candy and all we got was an empty box! We did the best we could with the inferior materials provided. “T” said its like making mud pies but for adults! Our house came out like this:

For those familiar with the baking show Nailed It – we definitely nailed it on this house !

She left the house with us so now I officially have one Christmas decoration out AND I wrote out 4 Christmas cards today! Omg I’m doing Christmacy stuff!! God has it figured out for me! Just keep doing the next right things!