26 April 2022 Earth Angels and Finding Lasting Happiness

April 26, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, books, drawing, Health, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Nature, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you today? Well Link and my day began with a knock on the door!

My Aunt and Uncle being at my door this morning made me think of Hebrew’s 13:2 – about angels

You can’t see his wings but they are there. I love and am so grateful for this man.

My beautiful Auntie making sure I got something to eat. She was worried about me this morning and she’s having surgery on her knee tomorrow!! She is such a blessing in my life! I have always felt like she is one of God’s earth angels! I love her so much!

I have been asking God to heal me and there has been relief from the pain but I think there hasn’t been complete healing because he’s trying to get me to slow down – to accept help!

This small message resonated with me yesterday. With healing there is more than just our physical bodies to be mended!

The message from A Woman’s Spirit seems to speak to what I’ve been reading about with young people of today and the concept of joining the work force. A lot of places that employ entry level people or places that pay low wages are really having trouble getting young people to work for them. I think there is a growing awareness that being happy and fulfilled in life is important! Working in some dead end job with toxic people and employment practices just isn’t worth it:

Many of us think that attaining status and financial success will make us happy. – Helene Lerner-Robbins

May be we have to attain status and material wealth before we realize that it doesn’t fulfill us. If we grew up in unhappy homes, we may have thought that material objects would change our lives. To discover otherwise takes wisdom, and we are only now seeking that.

The attainment of wisdom gives us the happiness we have sought everywhere else in our past. All that we longed for comes to us when we stop the rush to attain things and focus instead on the miracle of our spiritual being. Life is full of wonderful paradoxes; utilizing the tools of this program helps us discover them.

Let’s not mislead ourselves. Having status and financial success doesn’t preclude happiness; it just won’t guarantee it. Finding God and settling for wisdom does.

I don’t need anything special to be happy. My reliance on my Higher Power will give me lasting happiness.

——————-

I wasn’t able to get on a walk yesterday so I focused on other things that make me feel close to God:

I knew I couldn’t go for a walk but I COULD go and sit on the porch and admire the setting sun

The phrase is referenced with a reversal of the usual meaning in J.R.R. Tolkien‘s poem, “The Riddle of Strider”, originally written for The Fellowship of the Ring:

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

— J.R.R. Tolkien, The Riddle of Strider, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

It’s hard to believe it’s been about 3 years since I broke my wrist. My wrist is crooked but it is healed and a physical reminder of what happens when our spirit moves faster than our feet!

Have you ever really stopped and looked at your hands? Thought about all we use them for? What an amazing tool!

I was trying to get a picture of his paws and instead he did this – showing me how valuable paws are! My little healer….

13 April 2022 Keep It Simple and Letting Go

April 13, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, drawing, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, Television, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1454828924

Reminder to myself today and from my therapist too…too many mind!

Hello to you. How are you today? I hope this finds you well. These past couple of days, months….years have been so surreal. I was watching the news yesterday about the shooting in the subway in New York and what popped into my head was this, “look for the helpers.” When I did that I regained my personal power. I went from powerlessness to being empowered. I want to adopt this lesson with all the chaos I see in the world. Who is helping? Who’s trying to restore peace…order. Focus attention and prayer on them not those responsible for instigating the chaos. I pray for the instigators but have to let God work on them beyond a prayer.

The message from A Woman’s Spirit today is about the difficulty but importance of being able to let go. When we are overly attached to stuff of this world we suffer when things change….when we are forced to let go. We’ve all had a favorite “something” in our lives and the mere thought of letting that something go may have brought about negative emotions…pain. Just one object can symbolize such powerful emotions and trigger so many memories. Think about what happens to you when you hear a favorite song? It’s like we become time travelers going back to the moment we first heard that song – smells, sights, people, what we were eating and drinking….what we were doing. To let go is the fear we will forget. Hopefully this message is for you today:

The child in me says “Hold on”; the adult in me says “Let go.” – Harriet Hodgkin

Learning to let go is growing up. Whether we’re twenty-five or sixty-five, we have to learn to let go. We don’t do it automatically . The principles of this program can serve as a guide.

Perhaps we learned in childhood that if we didn’t want to lose our toys, we had to hold on to them. A pattern was set; we began hanging on to everything. But now it’s time for new training , for learning to let go of everything: possessions, people, attitudes, opinions. Patience and practice accomplish the growth we seek.

We must be prepared for backsliding. Some situations cry for us to hold on rather than let go. We have to be vigilant and forgive ourselves when we give in to the old urge to control. Being adult takes desire and consistent effort. The child in us doesn’t give in easily.

I have a choice today. I can handle all circumstances as an adult and feel free, or my “child” can trigger a confrontation. What will I do?

————————-

It was cold, windy and overcast yesterday but we did get our walks in:

Tulips have been appearing in the neighborhood

Hey – I hope you are doing good. When everything is ruff and confusing look for what’s good. Don’t focus on what’s bad.

Article talking about what they are figuring out about memories and the brain:

https://www.technologynetworks.com/neuroscience/news/many-brain-regions-store-a-single-memory-360560

A new study by scientists at The Picower Institute for Learning and Memory at MIT provides the most comprehensive and rigorous evidence yet that the mammalian brain stores a single memory across a widely distributed, functionally connected complex spanning many brain regions, rather than in just one or even a few places.

5 April 2022 Feeling Peace

April 5, 2022April 5, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, drawing, history, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Movies, Music, Nature, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Television, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 5 April 2022 Tuesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1447098869

Hello to you today. I hope this finds you well. To be honest I’m struggling a bit today. The more it seems that I seek what’s good in the world the more the opposite extreme seems to try to get in my view.

I decided to watch The Chosen yesterday and I am enjoying it so far. The scene when Jesus heals “Lilith” real name Mary really touched me. When he puts his hands on her head and brought her peace she could feel I thought of that scene from the Davinci Code when Sophie touches Robert Langdons head. I thought of all the times Kyle used to do that to me when I was thinking too much. A simple and beautiful gesture…..feeling peace….relief from too many mind. If your curious You can get the Chosen app from the Apple Store. Here is a link: http://www.thechosen.tv/app or search “The Chosen”

Yesterday we got a little bit of rain but it was weird. Our cars all looked like they had been washed in mud! https://idahonews.com/amp/weather/adventure-starts-with-weather/milky-rain-nope-but-cars-in-the-treasure-valley-will-be-especially-dirty-monday –

“Are your cars dirty after the rain? The culprit is strong winds blowing lakebed dust near Summer Lake OR toward the Boise, Nampa, Meridian area,” the NWS wrote on social media.

Message from A Woman’s Spirit today:

My life is filled with the evidence that I am lovable. God has not forgotten me. Everywhere I look today, I’ll see a gift.

I know times are ruff right now but it’s going to be ok! Do what I do and be happy right now. Stop worrying about all that stuff you can’t or won’t do anything about. Be good ok?

John 14:15-31New International Version

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

¹⁵“If you love me, keep my commands.^(A)¹⁶And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate^(B) to help you and be with you forever— ¹⁷the Spirit of truth.^(C) The world cannot accept him,^(D) because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be^[a] in you. ¹⁸I will not leave you as orphans;^(E) I will come to you.^(F)¹⁹Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me.^(G) Because I live, you also will live.^(H) ²⁰On that day^(I) you will realize that I am in my Father,^(J) and you are in me, and I am in you.^(K) ²¹Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me.^(L) The one who loves me will be loved by my Father,^(M) and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

I Look To You – just the voice in song I needed to hear today. Beautiful Whitney.

4 April 2022 What Do You Want?

April 4, 2022 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 4 April 2022 Monday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1446211091

Hello to you. How are you today? I hope this finds you well….rested? Are you getting enough rest? I myself am struggling with that. What’s frustrating is as I am getting older I have to rest more frequently than I used to! I don’t know how it is for you but sometimes it feels like the body betrays us leaving us feeling powerless!

My thoughts today are about the question I ask myself and others, “what do you want?” The context of the question is about the world we live in. Your immediate world that you experience each day. Who and what are you giving your personal power to?

What do you want to see more of in the world you live in? Where do you focus most of your mind, body and souls energy? Who and what gets most of your personal power?

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of videos on You tube from animal shelters and rescue agencies. They are finding and rescuing dogs that have been shot and left to die. One dog was shot while she was pregnant. Other dogs covered in oil, left in landfills and dumpsters…old dogs abandoned on a street, sick dogs left to wander. For a time I have been wondering if focusing my attention on such things is giving power to that stuff happening in the first place! I have asked God before if there were no rescue agencies and shelters would this horrible stuff still be happening? The answer is most likely yes and these animals would just suffer.

People take their powerlessness out on each other through horrific abuse and they take it out on animals. Where do people learn to be and do such horrible things? A lot of times they themselves were victims….they were taught and learned that acts of violence were the way to deal with difficult emotions and situations. The chain of this behavior has to be broken. Is that possible? Are we like some breeds of dogs born with a predisposition for certain behaviors? Is it in our DNA? If the right things happen that those violent tendencies in our code get activated?

What do I want? I want to see less activation of the genetic codes in people that make some aspects of this existence so horrible. We need to teach people at a very early age how to deal with difficult emotions and situations so that they don’t take all of that ugly out on the world around them…innocent animals and children.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence – I think this subject should be taught in school

Emotional intelligence (EI) is most often defined as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments.^[1] Although the term first appeared in 1964,^[2] it gained popularity in the 1995 best-selling book Emotional Intelligence, written by science journalist Daniel Goleman. Goleman defined EI as the array of skills and characteristics that drive leadership performance.^[3]

A succulent trying to survive in my window

A gift a couple Christmas’s ago still showing signs of life (Amaryllis)

30 March 2022 Fair

March 30, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, Health, history, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Politics and Government, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Television, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 30 March 2022 Wednesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1441259554

Hello to you. How are you today? I hope well. Last night was another struggle with getting sleep but God and I got through it. My head has been really full the past few days and I’ve been thinking and praying about a lot. There has been so much going on near and far that has captured my attention and care. It’s hard to wind down when I’m like that. Before bed I saw a video that added more thoughts to my head and prayers to my lips. It was about our President and his mental condition. The source was from Fox News which I expected to be cruel about this subject but Tucker Carlson wasn’t. He brought up some very valid concerns. I will let you judge for yourself if you are interested: https://youtu.be/gsOnnLts-4U – Tucker: Biden can’t regulate his emotions. Being a leader at any strata of this existence isn’t an enviable position. So much responsibility and pressure! God is working in these people. I hope to continue to see God at work. I’m already seeing glimpses of it with the war in the Ukraine. What we focus the power of our thoughts on the most is what helps God manifest those thoughts into reality. That’s how it seems to me anyways! Prayers for leaders at all levels!

Message from A Woman’s Spirit for today:

By embracing the unfair, I no longer feel fear or reflection or lack of self-esteem. – Eileen Fehlen

It’s so human to quickly label an unwanted situation as unfair and to assume we know what’s best for us. We reason that if God would answer our prayers, our lives would unfold appropriately. It’s also terribly human to have to relearn repeatedly that God’s will and God’s timetable don’t always match our own; however , without fail they serve us well.

Learning to appreciate the good in everything that comes our way makes us courageous. In time few things will fill us with fear, and that is measurable progress. We were tormented by fear for so many years that we never expected this rebirth of spirit. Life is beginning to feel inviting, exciting and safe. Let’s step forth together.

I can be certain that God will give me only what is right for me today.

—————

Today I picked up a round piece of rose quartz I have and it was so comforting. There have been several times when I’ve been sick that I have held rose quartz and felt like it helped me heal. When my friend and I went to a rock and gem show I could tell by the crowds that I’m not the only one who feels like these stones help. I know for some it seems like woo woo and that’s ok! It could be a placebo effect somewhat but like with the rose quartz orb I’m holding as I write to you – it feels good in my hand. I think of those worry stones – remember those?

Rose quartz is known as a healing crystal and the stone of unconditional love.
…
It’s believed by some to emit strong vibrations of love, which are thought to:

support emotional and relationship healing.
inspire compassion.
boost feelings of peace and calm.

https://www.healthline.com › health

Rose Quartz Crystal: Meaning, Healing, and How to Use – Healthline

23 March 2022 Finding Comfort

March 23, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, drawing, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Music, Nature, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 23 March 2022 Wednesday chat(AA Step 3) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1434295003

I had to talk to God and myself this morning while feeling anxiety

Hello to you. How are you? Today began with one of those anxiety attacks I get once in awhile. I think it has to do with sleep apnea but I’m not sure. I just know I kind of freaked out. I had to pull out some tools from my sanity toolkit to get myself calmed down. I started with talking to God and went to the Bible to try and find comforting messages. I looked through so many chapters….the concordance for anxiety and comfort and just couldn’t find what I was looking for. It came to me to try the “Big Book” from Alcoholics Anonymous, specifically Step 3….made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I ended up making my Twitch Stream today mostly about this step. When I initially entered into the program this step was hard. My sponsor reassured me that it didn’t have to be just the God of the Bible that I turned my will….surrendered to. It had to be a power that wasn’t me. It was me that got me into the mess I was in. Chances were that it wasn’t going to be my own will that was going to get me free. I just had to acknowledge I was powerless over alcohol (among other things of an addictive nature), admit I had a problem and then, most importantly, be WILLING to ask for help….accept help the way it came. What I realized using this program is if you get to the core of why addiction happens there are fewer what’s. A lot of people I met in AA were self medicating – they had a lot of “why’s” they were covering up with alcohol. They needed therapy and either couldn’t get it or would rather have the stigma of being an alcoholic than the stigma that comes with mental illness. When I look at my own life with help and by myself, there were so many why’s to my addictions. I kept trying to fill voids in my life with people, places and things. Many of those voids were of an intangible nature. You can’t put tangible things in the space where only the intangible dwells.

The messages from A Woman’s Spirit today had to do with friendship. The power we learn through the program is we can choose better friends. Here is a thought provoking part of the message:

“We may not have picked our friends carefully in our youth. Many of us felt pressured to hang out with a crowd that didn’t share our values. We frequently lived up to their expectations of us rather than our own. The internal conflict was painful, and we may still suffer from it.”

My choice of friends today reflects the health of my recovery.

________

It’s pretty easy to tell who are true friends are in life. They are the ones who are still there for you and comfort you as you clean up the mess you’ve made. I consider many members of my family also as dear friends! When we are young it feels like we don’t have a great power of choosing – so much is chosen for us!

Speaking of friendship! Last night Astravert did a wonderful collaboration with some fellow musicians on Twitch:

Check out astravert afishinabirdcage bagelrabbit COLLAB https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1433997448

16 March 2022 Tapestry

March 16, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, drawing, history, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 16 March 2022 Wednesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1427420115

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m feeling a little tired but it will pass. Things are doing things!! I didn’t know it but apparently the UN is trying to come up with a global plastic treaty. I think that’s great. My only concern is that once the treaty is made that it will actually be enforced! Kind of like laws. Laws are great on paper but are worthless if there is no one to enforce them! https://news.mongabay.com/2022/02/as-world-drowns-in-plastic-waste-u-n-to-hammer-out-global-treaty/amp/ The other thing is daylight savings. Our Senate is putting a bill forward that would make it permanent – no more setting our clocks to fall back: https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2022/03/15/politics/senate-daylight-saving-time-permanent/index.html.

Todays message from A Woman’s Spirit is so good I am going to share all of it:

We are who we are, shaped and molded by the times, by the events, and by the persons we encounter on our way, and no one ever changes very much or escapes entirely from that mold. – Ruth Casey

Everything we experience today is woven with all that has gone before. We are a tapestry in progress. We grow and change, heightening some of our patterns, successfully diminishing others, and maintaining still others. We need feel more shame for this person we’ve become; we’ve done our best. From this point forward, with the help of the program, our Higher Power , and the wonderful friendships that sustain us, we will add many new colors and stronger threads to the tapestry that continues to be us.

Even though there is often much we want to change in ourselves, there is much that will and should stay the same. Let’s trust God will guide our efforts in changing those traits that deserve our attention now, leaving the rest for another time. We have been loved, guided, and protected even though we are not perfect. That will be true always.

All that has gone before will help me handle whatever today offers. I am in Gods keeping now and forever.

______________

Today this Psalm 103 resonated. I was looking for a Psalm to read for my Twitch video and I came across this one with lots of it highlighted! May be there is something within it that will resonate with you too:

Psalm 103New International Version

Psalm 103

Of David.

¹Praise the Lord,^(A) my soul;^(B)
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.^(C)
²Praise the Lord,^(D) my soul,
    and forget not^(E) all his benefits—
³who forgives all your sins^(F)
    and heals^(G) all your diseases,
⁴who redeems your life^(H) from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,^(I)
⁵who satisfies^(J) your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed^(K) like the eagle’s.^(L)

⁶The Lord works righteousness^(M)
and justice for all the oppressed.^(N)

⁷He made known^(O) his ways^(P) to Moses,
    his deeds^(Q) to the people of Israel:
⁸The Lord is compassionate and gracious,^(R)
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;^(S)
¹⁰he does not treat us as our sins deserve^(T)
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love^(U) for those who fear him;^(V)
¹²as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions^(W) from us.

¹³As a father has compassion^(X) on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴for he knows how we are formed,^(Y)
    he remembers that we are dust.^(Z)
¹⁵The life of mortals is like grass,^(AA)
    they flourish like a flower^(AB) of the field;
¹⁶the wind blows^(AC) over it and it is gone,
    and its place^(AD) remembers it no more.
¹⁷But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children^(AE)—
¹⁸with those who keep his covenant^(AF)
    and remember^(AG) to obey his precepts.^(AH)

¹⁹The Lord has established his throne^(AI)in heaven,
and his kingdom rules^(AJ) over all.

²⁰Praise the Lord,^(AK) you his angels,^(AL)
    you mighty ones^(AM) who do his bidding,^(AN)
    who obey his word.
²¹Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,^(AO)
    you his servants^(AP) who do his will.
²²Praise the Lord, all his works^(AQ)
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.^(AR)

3 March 2022 Where To Find God – In or Out? Finding Balance

March 3, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 3 March 2022 Thursday Chat (Late Start) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1414192132

Hello to you. How are you? Link and I are doing ok. Last night we had a little drama here at the house. I had trimmed the matted hair around Links feet and got the brilliant idea to try and trim his nails. Bad move! Without having someone to hold him I just can’t do it by myself. So….doing extra laundry today to get blood out of it. Felt so bad!!!

On my Twitch Stream today we talked about what’s going on overseas right now. I have been focused on Putin and wanting God to deal with him. From the pictures I’ve seen of him lately he doesn’t look well physically like something is wrong. The Woman’s Spirit message was good but it provoked some questions. We are taught through religion and society to look outside of ourselves for completeness. Many of us as a result don’t know who we are! The Psalm 31 I read was just another crying out to God for help. Alot of the psalms are. Do we have free will or not? Why does it feel like the church of today I see seems to want us to have a codependent relationship with God? What has been coming to me lately is the importance of finding balance- to be able to discern where I am in the equation of having a healthy relationship with the God of my understanding. God may have all the answers but does seem to leave a lot for us to figure out on our own – through our own life experience. Like I said, I struggle with the mentality I see in religion. If we completely turn ourselves over to God where is the free will in that? Are we then nothing more than automatons? How are we to ever know who we truly are if we are always looking outward from ourselves for how to live this life? I think that finding balance is key.

Where do we find God? Outside? Inside? It seems like everywhere if I really think about who and what God is. I’ll never forget sitting with my Dad on my back porch in Texas. We were talking about God and we agreed that God is in everything. I think it’s our expectations that can get in the way of attaining balance in our relationship with the God of all. We put our expectations on how God answers our prayers and I know personally it’s those expectations that sometimes make me not see God is in fact answering prayers. Again it’s a balance between our inner and outer worlds – our spirituality…..our relationship with the God of our understanding.

What just came to me is thinking about prayers being answered like someone playing a strategy game. Many separate pieces have to move for an overall outcome to be achieved…. an ultimate goal to be reached. Just yesterday I saw a good analogy from Elevation Church “God sees the whole puzzle.” God invented the puzzle of this life and knows how all the pieces fit together.

Find balance in and outside yourself and don’t put expectations on your relationship with God – especially with prayers! Let God be God. These are things I am having to work on each day!

A Woman’s Spirit messages for today:

“Time and again I have searched for you, not knowing that it was me I needed to find.” -Betty MacDonald

“I will pay attention to who I am today. I will honor the whole of me. I know genuine happiness can be found only in this way.”

29 December 2021 Shirt and Dump Dogs

December 29, 2021 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Art and Poetry, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello. It’s still snowing. I went out and rearranged some of it and as I was I saw a male black and white Boston Terrier standing there. There was nothing I could really do other than report it on the Middleton Matters Group on Facebook. Turns out he was dumped out of a white van – they almost ran over him trying to leave him behind! If I didn’t have Link I would have done more. It reminds me of Alvarado. People used to dump their dogs all the time and Kyle and I would try and help. It doesn’t sound like Middleton has its own dedicated Animal Control Officer like Alvarado did.

Within the past couple days there has been more loose dogs showing up. I feel so bad for them! Could it be the change in the weather or a sign of something else? Apparently this year was a big year for abandonment of pets: https://www.fox13now.com/news/local-news/animal-shelters-call-2021-year-of-pet-abandonment-as-owners-return-pets-from-pandemic?_amp=true

I like spirals and imagining light at their center.

The shirt today is a little messier than yesterday. I like spirals of multiple colors. These designs are meant to be like large amulets that someone approaching you would look at instead of focusing so much on you. The idea is to make interactions with other people less draining . The designs are a distraction from the eyes. I will let this dry and see if I want to add more colors!

I’ve been writing more lately because it’s very therapeutic for me. It helps me feel less alone….especially on a day like today when I’m not going anywhere.

21 November 2021 Infantile

November 21, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello . Ugh!! I wasn’t going to write again today. I have been having a rough day on my own. The best way to describe what I’m experiencing is imagine an infant wrapped up in a blanket in a crib screaming. You try feeding the infant and that quiets the child for a few minutes. You put the baby back in the crib. They start screaming again. You give them some milk….same thing more screaming. You try singing, reading, rocking, dangling their favorite toy in front of their face….. nothing but more screaming. Finally you pick up the child and hold them and speak softly in soothing tones….at last there is peace.

There is a part of me way deep inside that is the infant I described. Even after 53 years I still can’t completely soothe “Baby Jackie!” It is so tiresome trying to parent an infant trapped inside my own body! I just can’t seem to please her and if I do it isn’t for long. “We” are chronically lonely.

When my Mom took her own life, it feels like she took a part of me with her. I was too young to know her but there must be a part of me that did. A part of me that just can’t seem to find lasting comfort with life in this world without her. I try! I really try but it’s on days like today that remind me I have to keep at it! When you are a mother to your own soul your work is never done.

Sigh…..I hope something here resonates. I’d love to hear from you and your story.