18 April 2022 It Will Be Enough

April 18, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, drawing, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing in your where and when? I’m getting a really late start. It took a lot of coaxing to get up today. Last night was another battle of trying to sleep. The lower part of my body has been experiencing a lot of pain and trying to sleep through that pain can be difficult.

What came to me is thinking about old dogs like my Sam and older people in my life both living and passed on. They didn’t complain about their aches and pains. The message of “it’s not what you can’t do but what you can do” came to my mind. I realized I could do some cleaning up this morning – it hurt but I did it!

When Sam and I used to go for walks without Kyle in Delaware he did something with me that he didn’t do when the three of us would walk. He occasionally would just stop, sit down and look at me with those eyes…”can we stop for a minute? I need a rest…” he seemed to say. Getting older in all our forms kind of forces us to slow down even though inside we want to go like we are still 20 year olds! Today I will remind myself that it’s ok when I am hurting. I will focus on the things I am capable of still doing even though I’m feeling this way – not focus on all the things I can’t do.

Matthew 26:41New International Version

⁴¹“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.^(A) The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Todays message from A Woman’s Spirit is about approaching life with gentleness:

Our own gentleness is a powerful force in our lives. It is like the gentle flower that grows through granite. – Patricia Hoolihan

We are attracted to women and men who have cultivated a gentle spirit. Their softness nurtured all of us who come into their space. We are soothed and made whole by their caring spirit. Let’s allow our caring spirit to develop too.

The aggression we may have grown accustomed to in our families and neighborhoods need not claim us for all time. We have the power within us to chart a new course. We have examples of gentleness all around us; they are our guides and are here by divine appointment.

Whatever task we are destined to perform in this clean and sober life can best be accomplished if directed by a heart that cares. Being gentle promises each of us the same comfort it offers others. Each gentle act heals our heart and lovingly nurtured the future.

Being gentle today is much easier than being mean-spirited. My gentle side will nurture my inner child and remove my fears.

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Pictures from yesterdays adventures:

16 April 2022 Saturday Request

April 16, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, books, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Politics and Government, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? My thoughts this morning are all over the place to be honest! There is just so much going on in this world. The news isn’t good but I am trying to remain conscious that good things are happening. There are so many good people. For all of the awful we are being bombarded with at every turn, there is good. I remind myself that even though I am powerless to stop and change so much of what is going on, God is not. There will be justice….there is justice we can’t see with our eyes but know with our spirits. My request is God’s justice for atrocities such as this:

https://apnews.com/article/russia-ukraine-zelenskyy-kyiv-business-black-sea-22d7279f32c15d4a7037a2195113fb57 – 900 souls

Philippians 4:6-7New International Version

⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Todays message from A Woman’s Spirit is a great reminder about the power of time….it passes. Whatever the trial or tribulation we are experiencing we can trust it won’t last. We wish we could hold on to the good stuff that happens as much as we want to let go and forget the bad stuff….the length either stays is where we are empowered outside the rules of time:

Everything passes, as I flow with this river of highs and lows, I become calm. I trust my experience and the life force guiding me. – Ruthie Albert

Everything passes. There is perhaps no greater comfort when we’re caught in the throes of trauma than the knowledge that this too shall pass. We lived many years without this knowledge as we struggled to change the i changeable. Unfortunately, the only thing that changed was our level of frustration: it got higher. Now we know that we can patiently wait for a situation to pass. Nothing lasts forever.

The good times pass too, of course. We hope to hold on to them, but the same principle applies. The minutes tick by, carrying is to new experiences. What we need to learn will become known to us through both the good times and the struggles. They all will pass, having prepared us for the high and lows that wait to serve us.

I am at peace with the knowledge that everything passes. My needs will be met today.

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Here are pictures from yesterday’s adventures:

Morning light trying to happen- “dwell in me Lord, be strong when I am weak…”

Setting up for Good Friday service at Millcreek Elementary School

I took this going in to help set up. In the evening one of our parishioners children handed me a flower just like this from the same tree. Children and trees…….

Lots of extra chairs in anticipation of Easter. The Good Friday service really meant a lot to me. There was a good turn out.

Something that reminds us of the pain Jesus endured

When I saw this moment I wanted to capture it for their Mom. I also thought of my Grandpa and what it must have been like for my Mom and her family to help Grandpa prepare for such occasions. These moments are so fleeting, thank goodness for cameras!

Gorgeous flower on our walk that I hadn’t seen before

Sweet beautiful boy we encountered on the walk. He wanted to come to me so bad but Link wasn’t having it! I hope he is home safe and loved.

My little bear Link getting my attention!

Found out yesterday that my brother Jerry is a Grandpa again!

This is one of the red tulips I shared the other day. More of them have appeared and I was able to get a closer look! I love the fringes on the edges!

Vanity….you would laugh at how many tries it took me to get this! Sometimes it’s nice to see a face that goes with words. I hope the best for you – no matter what things seem like now it’s all going to keep moving on. Stay focused on the helpers….do what you can to be a helper. Remember that no act of kindness is too small for God.

15 April 2022 A Different Kind of Friday

April 15, 2022 by saymber, posted in books, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Movies, Music, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you today? In a little bit I will be going to join some others to help set up church for tonight’s Good Friday observance. In light of what is being remembered, I’ve always had a hard time thinking of this day as good. A good man was tortured, he suffered and died on a cross with criminals. What could possibly be good about that?’ What I’m reminded is good about today is he went through all that for us….so we wouldn’t have to. He took all of the world on himself out of love for both his father and each of us. It’s truly a beautiful thing to think about someone loving me that much to go through everything he did.

Good Fri·day

/ˈˌɡo͝od ˈfrīˌdā/

Learn to pronounce

noun

the Friday before Easter Sunday, on which the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ is commemorated in the Christian Church. It is traditionally a day of fasting and penance.

Last night I was restless and wanted to watch something. I was pleased to find and watch (finally! My cousin and his wife recommended this to me over a year ago!) The Case For Christ. It was the story of author Lee Strobel an atheist who after a journey of discovery and love found his way to believing in Jesus Christ. The movie did a really good job of showing what having a believer and an unbeliever living in the same house with children can really cause disruption….division. Test a marriage. My ex-husband and I went through some of that strife. If you haven’t seen it and are curious, I saw it on You tube.

https://youtu.be/pBcNvSA1kNo – The Case For Christ (full movie)

As you can see by my note and the date I’ve struggled with sleep for a long time. This is another scripture of comfort. You can talk to God about anything you need help with!

Todays message from A Woman’s Spirit is a good one for what we are remembering today….forgiveness:

Work for justice. Struggle for forgiveness. Choose love. -Patricia Benson

Justice, forgiveness, and love sound far loftier than they are. Developing these qualities requires only that we live as we think God wants us to live. It’s as simple as that. Admittedly, when we have wanted to punish a significant person in our lives, we have often preferred “justifiable” anger or resentment over love. However, the emotional hangover that has followed the expression of our outrage has diminished any pleasure we might have gained.

Our inclination to forgive other people and ourselves, coupled with our decision to love rather than punish those who irritate us, seems to grow daily. Our changed perspective comes from our willingness to grow in recovery. We can be as peace-filled and as loving as we want. We’re in charge!

I will stay in control of who I am today. I can fulfill God’s wishes.

In all the mysteries of mysteries there is light both seen and unseen. Matthew 5:16
New International Version

¹⁶In the same way, let your light shine before others,^(A) that they may see your good deeds^(B)and glorify^(C) your Father in heaven.

https://youtu.be/y4CY3nf1Mvw – Phil Wickham Great Things (song)

16 March 2022 Tapestry

March 16, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, drawing, history, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 16 March 2022 Wednesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1427420115

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m feeling a little tired but it will pass. Things are doing things!! I didn’t know it but apparently the UN is trying to come up with a global plastic treaty. I think that’s great. My only concern is that once the treaty is made that it will actually be enforced! Kind of like laws. Laws are great on paper but are worthless if there is no one to enforce them! https://news.mongabay.com/2022/02/as-world-drowns-in-plastic-waste-u-n-to-hammer-out-global-treaty/amp/ The other thing is daylight savings. Our Senate is putting a bill forward that would make it permanent – no more setting our clocks to fall back: https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2022/03/15/politics/senate-daylight-saving-time-permanent/index.html.

Todays message from A Woman’s Spirit is so good I am going to share all of it:

We are who we are, shaped and molded by the times, by the events, and by the persons we encounter on our way, and no one ever changes very much or escapes entirely from that mold. – Ruth Casey

Everything we experience today is woven with all that has gone before. We are a tapestry in progress. We grow and change, heightening some of our patterns, successfully diminishing others, and maintaining still others. We need feel more shame for this person we’ve become; we’ve done our best. From this point forward, with the help of the program, our Higher Power , and the wonderful friendships that sustain us, we will add many new colors and stronger threads to the tapestry that continues to be us.

Even though there is often much we want to change in ourselves, there is much that will and should stay the same. Let’s trust God will guide our efforts in changing those traits that deserve our attention now, leaving the rest for another time. We have been loved, guided, and protected even though we are not perfect. That will be true always.

All that has gone before will help me handle whatever today offers. I am in Gods keeping now and forever.

______________

Today this Psalm 103 resonated. I was looking for a Psalm to read for my Twitch video and I came across this one with lots of it highlighted! May be there is something within it that will resonate with you too:

Psalm 103New International Version

Psalm 103

Of David.

¹Praise the Lord,^(A) my soul;^(B)
    all my inmost being, praise his holy name.^(C)
²Praise the Lord,^(D) my soul,
    and forget not^(E) all his benefits—
³who forgives all your sins^(F)
    and heals^(G) all your diseases,
⁴who redeems your life^(H) from the pit
    and crowns you with love and compassion,^(I)
⁵who satisfies^(J) your desires with good things
    so that your youth is renewed^(K) like the eagle’s.^(L)

⁶The Lord works righteousness^(M)
and justice for all the oppressed.^(N)

⁷He made known^(O) his ways^(P) to Moses,
    his deeds^(Q) to the people of Israel:
⁸The Lord is compassionate and gracious,^(R)
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;^(S)
¹⁰he does not treat us as our sins deserve^(T)
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love^(U) for those who fear him;^(V)
¹²as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions^(W) from us.

¹³As a father has compassion^(X) on his children,
    so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
¹⁴for he knows how we are formed,^(Y)
    he remembers that we are dust.^(Z)
¹⁵The life of mortals is like grass,^(AA)
    they flourish like a flower^(AB) of the field;
¹⁶the wind blows^(AC) over it and it is gone,
    and its place^(AD) remembers it no more.
¹⁷But from everlasting to everlasting
    the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
    and his righteousness with their children’s children^(AE)—
¹⁸with those who keep his covenant^(AF)
    and remember^(AG) to obey his precepts.^(AH)

¹⁹The Lord has established his throne^(AI)in heaven,
and his kingdom rules^(AJ) over all.

²⁰Praise the Lord,^(AK) you his angels,^(AL)
    you mighty ones^(AM) who do his bidding,^(AN)
    who obey his word.
²¹Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,^(AO)
    you his servants^(AP) who do his will.
²²Praise the Lord, all his works^(AQ)
    everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, my soul.^(AR)

14 March 2022 You Are Significant

March 14, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, books, history, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Movies, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 14 March 2022 Monday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1425549698

A little joke between my cousin and I – she gave this to me yesterday lol

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m a little slow today. It’s amazing how much just one hour can screw you up lol! Most people I talk to agree it would be ok if we did away with the daylight savings.

Todays message from A Woman’s Spirit was about how important it is to value your own significance. By valuing your own significance you are more able to value the significance of others. When people are caretaker types or and have low self esteem or are damaged by life they don’t realize their own value. They always put others wants, needs and value before their own. I was like this and wasn’t checking my motives about it……I got resentful! Resentment is the seed oftentimes for addictive behaviors. In addition to trying to get sleep, I used to drink to deal with my feelings. I wanted to be numb. Distractions of this world are used to lose ourselves too. If I’m doing a distracting thing I don’t have to think about anything else – I can avoid myself!

Right now I am having time to get to know myself. I am still not feeling suited to be somebody’s significant other! The void in me that was created by the divorce is being filled with getting to know myself better and getting closer to God.

A Woman’s Spirit Message for today:

Before I can become a significant other, I must become significant to myself. – Kelley Vickstrom

Why is it so hard to feel as if we matter? Putting other people’s wishes and needs before our own may seem natural. We may feel shame when we say no. As girls, we may have watched our mothers and grandmothers tending to the whims of everyone else. Probably without ever being told, we simply followed suit. What’s worse , we may not have even expected appreciation for our actions.

Now that we are learning to think of ourselves we feel a bit selfish. However , we must begin to honor our significance, and we have to understand that to do so is not egotistical. In order to lovingly appreciate others in our lives, to treat them as significant, we have to value our own significance. Our Higher Power considers us significant; it’s time we followed suit.

Affirming my own significance will help me appreciate other people. Today I will value my interactions with others.

This scene from one of my favorite films and books speaks volumes. In this scene multigenerational trauma, how we pass the good and bad through multiple generations is spoken:

https://youtu.be/tJzxpUkJYXo – Joy Luck Club you don’t know how much your worth

“No, this cannot be, this not knowing what you’re worth, this not begin with you. My mother not know her worth until too late – too late for her, but not for me.”

21 February 2022 Monday

February 21, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Movies, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 21 February 2022 Monday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1305451504

Hello to you how are you? It’s Monday morning again and I’m finally starting to wake up. What’s happening is the Doxepin isn’t really working like I hoped and I am still having to take the Hydroxyzine which makes me groggy. I’ve also been having lower back and leg pain which makes it hard to get out of bed. I resolved to myself that I’m going to try to do more stretching through the day to see if that helps. There is a part of me considering a yoga class they have in town. I used to do yoga! I could even do a head stand!

The stream was fun this morning. One of my viewers was involved in a school musical production of Grease. We had fun with a couple of the songs. It’s been ages since I was a huge fan of the movie starring Olivia Newton John and John Travolta. The age group my viewer is in are like 11 and 12 year olds. As you may or may not remember there are a lot of mature themes in Grease. My viewer joked that one of the cast was talking about “huge knockers” and he probably didn’t even know what he was talking about! LOL!!

Yesterday I was in the mood to watch movies which has been extremely rare! The first movie was Black Butterfly starring Antonio Banderas and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. When I initially had heard about the movie and saw trailers I wasn’t interested. I’m so glad I watched it! I can’t believe it was free on You tube! https://youtu.be/-_VUHxa7nwg – Black Butterfly. I was delightfully surprised at all the plot twists. The other one I watched and enjoyed was called The Illusionist starring Edward Norton and Paul Giamatti : https://youtu.be/KunQC6a6fPU – The Illusionist. I don’t want to tell you what these films are about – don’t want to spoil the surprise that each of them has to offer! It felt good to have the movie experience and not have my manic/paranoid/delusional self reading too much into what what I was watching.

“Practiced consistently, new habits become who I am.” – Lin Andrukat (A Woman’s Spirit)

“Any current behavior used to be “new.” It became a habit only with continuous use. I can decide to begin a new behavior today. “ (A Woman’s Spirit)

20 February 2022 Lost But Not Worthless

February 20, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you today. How are you? I decided not to do a Twitch Stream today and that’s ok! A day of rest! This morning I got up late and almost missed church but I’m glad I made it. The message from Pastor Jason was good. He used the story of when he lost his wallet helping with farm work. It fell out of his back pocket and fell in the field covered with dirt. He and his friends went out looking for it and it wasn’t found until a couple months later! The lost wallet is like us…..like I’ve been so many times in my life….lost from my relationship with God. God seems to always be there waiting for the children to find their way home. Being lost like that wallet doesn’t mean we are worthless . We still have great value but we just aren’t doing what we were made to do. Our full potential isn’t being realized when we are lost. Least that is what I got out of his sermon!

Last night my Aunt and I went to a ladies game night at church and I met some really nice women. We played a game called Mad Gab first and that was just not my game lol! You get into teams and read these unrelated words to make a saying or phrase. I think I figured out one lol. Then we played a dice game called Tenzies and I wasn’t very good at that either but it was fun. We had pizza, salad and desserts. What was really neat is I met a woman that I ended up sitting next to in church today! As I write I realized I actually first met her at Next Steps classes. That’s the class you take when you are considering membership in the church. It was nice to see a friendly and familiar face today!

19 February 2022 Redirecting the Trains on our Brains

February 19, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 19 February 2022 Saturday chat (psalm 19) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1303273522

Hello to you. How is your day? I’m sitting here in the morning sunshine as I write to you. It’s about 41 degrees and just feels so good. I just got off the phone with my sweet cousin. I love it when she and I can talk in the morning. She is so positive – just starts the day off right! We talk about matters of the spirit, love and family…..the good stuff we are grateful for in this life. I hope you have someone like that in your life. We are cousins but dear friends too. Just trying to navigate this life together.

On the Twitch stream today what came forth was trains again. How hard it is when the train of sorrow, anxiety and worry gets on the track. Everyone knows how hard it is to stop a train once it is in motion. So what I’ve been working on is talking to the conductor! Telling the conductor by my thoughts and actions that I don’t like the direction the train is going. I want to go in a different direction or to get off the rails completely. I am having to practice this every day. The first place I am learning to turn to is God…”hey God do you think you can help me get through this day?”

It’s hard when your in the middle of things to sometimes have the presence of mind to be still and think clearly. It just takes a lot of practice! “What can I do about what is going on or what I am experiencing right now?” A lot of times the answer seems to be nothing. What I am trying to learn after I ask that question and get that answer is to accept I am powerless but I can talk to God about it. Your Higher Power is ever present and unchanging. So really we are never completely powerless it just can feel like we are.

When that train of whatever it is gets on the track- I have a choice if I want to stay on it. I have the ability to talk to the conductor. We can change course, slow the train down and eventually get off of it altogether. Like anything it just takes practice – everyday.

It’s important to stay in the present – I’m having to practice every day

“I have come to believe that all of my fears are false gods before me.” – Mary Casey (A Woman’s Spirit)

“Any fear I have today is of my choosing. Dwelling on God rather than on the fear will change every experience I have today.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

22 January 2022 Saturday

January 22, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello to you. How are you? It’s another sunny morning and I’m digging it! This morning when I was doing my Twitch stream it felt so good on my face!

On the stream this morning I read from the Big Book and specifically Chapter 5 How It Works which is where you find the 12 Steps of the AA program. Being a part of AA not only helped me deal with alcohol but other addictions I was facing in my life. One of those addictions was shopping for jewelry – a very expensive habit! Another was compulsively picking at my skin. What I discovered with the programs help is I was doing things, using things to self medicate bigger underlying problems. Acknowledging I had become powerless over my own life was one of those important steps I took. For the blessing of recovery it’s important to continue to pay it forward!

I have a fair amount of traffic on my recorded streams which gives me the opportunity to help others while I’m helping myself. It’s been my experience that we don’t go through things for no reason be it good or not so good. When I stream when I’m having trouble it’s my hope that something about what I’m going through will help somebody else. It’s the same hope I’ve always had for my blog. I hope something I’m sharing will resonate. Something will be a message someone needs to hear in that moment. We are all messengers for someone!!

The past couple days I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety – just being uncomfortable in my body. One of the things I do to help myself now is I start a Twitch livestream and just walk and talk in my house. I used to have family and friends I would call and just go for a walk but I don’t really have that anymore. So I am having to soothe myself and using Twitch is helping me do that. It helps me with my chronic loneliness too. I’m not exactly sure what the trigger is for the anxiety but it kind of comes out of nowhere and just washed over me! I’m just glad I have a tool to help me feel better. Usually someone gets on after awhile and I have someone to visit with which helps too.

21 January 2022 Friday

January 21, 2022January 21, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hi there. It’s Friday and there is sunshine for the first day in several days! Yay!!

After I finish this I will have to get myself dressed and take Link and I for a walk. So grateful to see the sun.

My Aunt shared an interesting article with me this morning that talks a bit about some things they are finding out about the after affects of having Covid: https://www.upi.com/Health_News/2022/01/20/COVID-19-brain-fog/4131642691942/ My cousin, her daughter and me have been experiencing things like light headedness, dizziness, fatigue, brain fog and more anxiety than usual. If you have had Covid May be something will resonate with you. I just want to feel like myself again! Even after over two weeks I’m still not 100%. Oh and for folks in the states you can get four free Covid tests: https://www.covidtests.gov/

Message from A Woman’s Spirit book for today: We do not have to get caught in the middle of other people’s issues – Melody Beattie

What are you grateful for today? Gosh I am grateful for so much! God, Link, family and friends, sunshine, a roof over my head, food, clean water, heat, electricity, Twitch – so many little things! It’s important to remember that it’s mostly little things that make up a life! I hope if you read this and your having a rough time that you can pull out a mental gratitude list.

Astravert is doing a fundraiser for pancreatic cancer today: Check out JAMATHON for Pancreatic Cancer Research – !PancOneAmbassador https://www.twitch.tv/astravert