Good morning from here. I’m writing from bed where it’s warm and cozy! Link and and I haven’t decided to get up and face today yet.
Have you ever had a vivid and really happy dream that ended abruptly and you find yourself trying to go back but you can’t? That’s what happened to me last night. I dreamt I was with this blonde man and we kissed – it felt so real! I woke up disappointed to leave him! Sometimes my dreams feel like real experiences. Sometimes it feels like the only difference between dreams and reality is whether or not my eyes are open.
I am not sure if I’m going to to a video or not today for Twitch. I’m having trouble with content. I’m starting to remember how I used to do my YouTube videos. I would actually write out what I wanted to say – like a script. I don’t know if I want to do that or not. It doesn’t feel as natural if there is a script. I will have to think on this – may be not do a video everyday?
“Do you see me through all the words? Can you hear me when there is no sound? Can you feel me when no one is around? Through the wires and cables from me to you one way or another I’m going to get to you.”
Hello. It’s 1003 pm here as I write. I should be winding down and going to sleep but I can’t for some reason. I feel tired but as soon as the lights are out my eyes pop open. I just lay in the dark awake. Does that happen to you? I have tried a couple different sleep aides but none of them work not even Benadryl! I want a deep sleep with happy dreams! Some of my favorite dreams are when I get to fly. You just jump up and oops there goes gravity!
“Eyes wide shut the dark night pulls it’s strings on the curtain call of this day.”
“She closed her eyes and the sky was a brilliant blue. The sunlight was soft….no clouds. She reached her hands towards the sky and gave a little jump…up up and away she flew. “ That was what happened in one of my flying dreams .
Well I’m going to try and fall asleep again. Goodnight.
From left to right my Grandpa Harold Becker with his brothers Herman and Robert. Robert turned 100 this year!
I am thinking of my Grandpa today. If you knew him he would have brought a smile to your face. He was always cracking jokes and laughing….”put your money where your mouth is kiddo!”
My Grandpa took his own life due to depression after a stroke back in September of 2000. When I found out he had done this I was worried about his soul. I asked God to show me he was alright and some time later I had this dream. I dreamt that my Grandpa was in my body and we danced! We danced with my first husband Ken. Then we told my Grandma who was his ex wife that I would see her on the other side. He told his wife Charlie that he was sorry for what he had done (taking his own life). Then we tripped and Grandpa popped out of my body. The next thing I saw was him way off in the distance preparing to go into a church. He yelled “there is life after death if you believe in Jesus Christ!” Then I woke up. That dream helped me so much!
I miss my Grandpa but feel certain he is ok. There has always been this belief that if you take your own life you are either going to hell or purgatory. The dream I had seemed to show something else. My Grandpa served God most of his life as a Pastor but after my Mom took her own life he really questioned everything he knew. I believe he lost his faith. He was so tormented about her death. I can remember as a little girl in the dining room of my house in Sioux Falls sitting with Grandpa and his just looking at me and sobbing “I’m so sorry!” I think he gave up on God but God didn’t give up on him. I don’t think my dream was just a coincidence. I asked God if Grandpa was ok and the answer was that he was. He just needed a little help!
“Open my mind God so that I might see that the path is short between you and me.”
Hi. How are you? It’s still kind of dark as I write to you. I had something happen to me last night that was pretty scary. I had a bad dream and was in between being awake and asleep when I felt like I couldn’t move! My eyes were open and I was thinking because I couldn’t speak. “ Please don’t do this!” My feet were kicking trying to get free but my upper body was paralyzed. It lasted for a couple of minutes. It felt like someone was in the room with me besides Link but I couldn’t see anyone. Link didn’t bark but just ended up getting out of bed because my feet’s frantic movement scared him.
“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways” psalm 91:11
I can remember begging to see and talk to my guardian Angel. I was in my living room in Texas about 5 of so years ago now. I had tears in my eyes and I begged to see him. I had asked before that day what his name was and I heard the name Deegan which means “black haired one.” What happened the next four years was like a dress rehearsal for dying. People who have had near death experiences talk about having full life reviews. I was having that kind of experience over and over. Trying to riddle out using objects in my house, my entire life. It destroyed my entire life as I knew it. That combined with my refusing to take medication and go to the hospital. I just couldn’t stop thinking or talking. In the spirit realm they don’t get tired…. there was always just one more thing. I couldn’t rest.
Was what I went through just psychosis or did my Angel show me why we could never meet in the mortal coil?
What I went through always ended with me screaming and yelling at a POW flag I had bought. It symbolized 9/11 and war. I felt so much rage! That event in our shared history hurt me so much!
There is an in between world and I have been in it. I felt during my last episode that I was a living ghost vessel. Spirits seemed to use me both positive and negative. Some days all I did was yell. Others was just crying. Others was just hearing voices when I spoke that were not mine. One day an energy that identified as the singer Chris Cornell “took me to get groceries and we bought flowers.” I was driving the car but in my minds eye he was driving. When I checked out I could hear his voice not mine. It was like all these energies of living and dead were “on top” of mine. They kept keeping me down because all I would do is cry. This all happened after my husband left me.
Two of the most exhausting energies that came through were a Hitler and what I call “The Joker.” I was either yelling all the time in a tone like Hitler or finding absolutely every side to any issue you could think of. I was even doing that side tongue lick Heath Ledger did for his potrayal of the Joker. I would go in my bedroom closet and just go on and on! One energy was with me the longest and that was Jesus. He claimed to have been with me since my psychic explosion on 2 November 2002. I was speaking some kind of language I vaguely understood. My husband would get so frustrated with me talking to the tv in “gibberish.”
The reason I’m sharing all this is to give some insight into what I went through after asking to see my guardian. Not all of mental illness is just mental illness. What I went through is like my guardian got relieved of their post! I became like a plaything for the spirit world, the in between. Because I didn’t have a grounded faith I was fair game!
If I can impress upon you anything about what I’ve shared here believe in something and stick to it! What’s happened to me is my concept of God is EVERYTHING! So everything that happens to us good and bad, positive and negative is all of God. It’s easier to comprehend Jesus, Buddha, Allah and Shiva as individual representations of God than to believe in a God that is ALL things. Jesus is merciful and kind whereas his father isn’t always . I am currently working on my faith . I don’t want what happened to me in 2015 on to happen again.
Hello there. How are you? I’m feeling really tired but know I won’t be able to go back to sleep. For the past couple weeks I just haven’t been able to sleep well. It happens to a lot of us I think, especially when we get older.
So first thing this morning I got groceries at our local Ridleys. It was a little tricky getting around the store as they are doing a pretty big renovation/reorganization of the store. It should be really nice when it’s done!
The past couple days I’ve been watching You tube videos about aliens and UFOs. It makes me think of the dream I had when I was in the hospital. It was so vivid. I was laying on a table and there were two Gray aliens. I can remember screaming at them “What did you do to my face?!’” I could see myself and half of my face was a Gray alien! Then I saw my dog Spot and she was looking outside and barking but nothing was there. The dream was felt more like a memory than a dream. Weird huh?!!
When I think of aliens and UFOs I think of how much trouble we have still to this day of peacefully coexisting with life forms that are different than ourselves. Even in the year 2021 we fight amongst ourselves. If I was an alien species I would be very reluctant to show up on the White House lawn too!
I have so many questions for them! How long have they been watching us? Can they help us save this planet?!
Do you think we are being visited by beings from other galaxies? Have life forms learned how to fold space and time and travel in between? Lots of questions and still few answers!
Hello there! How are you? As I write to you it’s gray and wet. We are getting some much needed rain. I took some extra Vitamin D this morning to help out with SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I just want to hibernate like a big ol grizzly when the seasons change. It’s dark by 7 pm right now and the lights don’t really come back on til around 8 am!
So I’m hoping my drum arrives today. A friend of mine said his Amazon delivery hasn’t showed up . It was supposed to be at his place yesterday. I imagine this is the supply chain problem?!! It would be nice if they let people know there was a delay! A positive side to the delay is it gives me more time to think about things!
I had trouble falling asleep last night. I kept hearing drums in my head! I kept imagining the lawn chairs on my porch being filled with people playing a drum or some other musical instrument . Then my thoughts got bigger. They expanded out to seeing a group of people meeting at one of our local parks. I could see a community of like minded souls praising God together outside or inside if there was a place to do it.
“Start small. If you grow too big too fast you’ll fall.”
Is this a God thing? When your someone like me you have to be careful that passions aren’t just mania manifesting itself. I don’t want to plant this seed, in this case put money down to start a Meetup Group, and then lose interest. Judging by the fact there aren’t any groups for Middleton I’m nervous that I’m not going to reach the people here. I guess this is a time for faith. A belief in what can’t be seen. If this is God at work I have nothing to worry about and just have to practice what I preach! Patience!!
Hello there! How are you? As I write the sun is creeping across the front porch and it’s really quiet. No loud noises, no dogs or anything – truly a day of rest, it must be Sunday ! I hope this finds you well.
This morning I had a pleasant dream about Benedict Cumberbatch it’s been a long time . His dream self now knows that my ex is his 9th cousin and that I’m divorced. There was something about him having painful ingrown fingernails. I woke up feeling comforted like I’d had a visit with a friend. Doesn’t surprise me that the man would be in my dreams he seems to be everywhere these days !
So I have had something on my mind this morning, I almost drew a picture. It’s a passage from the Bible: John 14 2-12
“In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
This is one of my favorite passages. When I read it I always find myself thinking of the earth and all the life forms on it. I think of God being able to experience life through each and every life form. Some of the lives long and some extremely brief. Each life a room in the very large house that is this earth.
I’ve been told that that’s not what Jesus was talking about but I disagree. If God is God and he created everything then each and every life on this planet is a room in which he dwells. Every second a new “room” is added! Each newborn be it a human child to a baby in the wilds! Each life has a value and purpose!
Hello. How are you today so far ? It’s 7:13 am as I write. It’s still dark and it’s cold. I don’t want to get out of bed. I had one of those dreams that you wake up from and your heart aches.
I dreamt about my cat Amber and the family dog Spot. It hurt so much I had to turn to Jesus and now I want to cry .
I don’t know what to do with attachment . I get so attached to the people and animals in my life . In Buddhism attachment leads to suffering . This is so true! How do I live this life without getting too attached? Without suffering?
As I said I turned to Jesus this morning and the message was. “Write .” So I’m writing! That’s the nice thing about this blog is you can write as much or as little as you want. I will probably write more later! It’s just what I need right now . Writing for me is therapy !
So why Jesus ? Why turn to Jesus when I had a dream that was so close to my hearts desire ? To be reunited with lost pets ? Because I actually feel something. When I say or think that name I feel comforted. There is a warmth that comes like a filling up inside. I don’t feel so alone. I feel like I can handle what I’m facing a little better. It’s like calling on an old friend that seems to always be there waiting to help !
All this because of a dream. Is it a coincidence? God works in mysterious ways ! Perhaps this is a gentle reminder to not lose my faith ? Perhaps in writing this I am helping someone else not lose their faith either ? So much happens in this world that doesn’t make any sense. All these pieces of an intricate puzzle finding their place.
Sometimes it’s all you can do is hold on and hope your own light doesn’t go out. It can be so easy to lose your faith if it’s grounded in this world. This world slips away so easily. You need something to hold on to that won’t go away like people and pets do . Is that why people hold on to the Bible and other sacred text? It would make sense ! You can call on Jesus any time day or night and he doesn’t charge you for an office visit !
I need to get my butt out of bed. Thank you for your company. Like I said I’ll probably be back a little later!
Hello to you, how are you doing today? It’s 9:05 am on this TGIF morning. I had some weird dreams last night one of them was of watching people making a blue drink to make “blue bloods.” The other that I remember was seeing shadows of three crucifixions and one kicked one of them down and it became a shadow of a chair. Not sure what the blue bloods was about but the other was may be about Jesus being crucified so I could have rest – rest symbolized by the chair. What do you think?
Yesterday I started listening to the Lucinda Bassett Attacking Anxiety and Depression (Attacking Anxiety and Depression Midwest Center for Stress 16 Cassette Tapes | eBay) program and so far it’s pretty interesting. I need to do more than just listen but that’s all I have the energy to do right now. What I have found interesting is some of the people interviewed were completely off anxiety medication. They didn’t consider anxiety and depression a mental illness but a temporary condition. You have to learn how to talk to yourself in a positive manner.
They suggest getting an exercise program to help combat anxiety. I never thought that would be a problem for me. I have been an active person for most of my life but this past year since the divorce I’ve become quite sedentary. I’m looking forward to more steady warm weather and may be then I will get out and walk more.
“life” in the English Ordinal system equals 32
“Attacking Anxiety and Depression ” in the English Ordinal system equals 327 (yes, no, may be light and shadow existence all vices in check)
Hello, how are you? Todays topic arises out of something I watched yesterday – a Pow Wow on Youtube. People participating in the Pow Wow talked about being filled with the Spirit while they danced. I can relate to that feeling. When I used to dance in the backyard in Texas I felt like I was full of the Spirit too. I thought it was interesting that these two are alike in the numbers!
“Jesus Christ” in the English Ordinal system equals 151
“Holy spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 151
Holy Spirit
In Abrahamic religions, the Holy Spirit is an aspect or agent of God, by means of which God communicates with people or acts on them.
The Great Spirit, by way of the spiritual leaders, is looked to for spiritual and cultural guidance on both an individual and community level.
Last year about this time I felt like I was full of what I thought was the Spirit. It turns out it was more like I was full of multiple spirits. I found out first hand that if you don’t have a particular path of spirituality, you can get hijacked by spirits and or energies without a form. I found out the air is just full of spirits with voices. I can remember one day a huge flock of blackbirds landed in a tree out back and I started “translating” what they were saying . Another time a spider and it’s baby landed on my arm and they had a voice. Each part of creation is a fragment of God with a voice. I know that sounds weird but that’s what happened. I think this is part of the reason my husband left me because I just wouldn’t shut up! He couldn’t get any sleep. There was always someone wanting to talk from young to old and all sorts of different languages.
What I had done was to ask God to speak to me in a way that I could understand and it turns out EVERYTHING was God and EVERYTHING had something to say! I guess I was porous and was not only surrounded by spirits but they got inside of me. There are so many sources of energy for which a spirit can obtain energy. In reflection of it all, I don’t know if that was just my mind being delusional or if it was a real phenomenon. Since I have been back on my medication this spirit business hasn’t been happening. Be careful what you ask God!
Some of the spirit business was in my dreams last night I had a vivid dream last night about a haunted house, seeing my dog Sam in his yellow hoodie and then wanting to see my husband who looked like Jesus but not being able to see him. Probably just my mind grappling with what was my reality. Before bed I had seen a preview of a Pureflix movie about Jesus and that must have been a key to unlock the dream I had.
I have been praying for a reestablishing of a relationship between me and specifically the Holy Spirit so we’ll see what God has in mind. May be it’s just dreams for now.
To be 