13 May 2020 Thinking things through

Good morning to you.  Hope this finds you doing ok.  I’m at another phase of the journey that’s going on today.  My husband and I finally got a chance to talk yesterday.  We agreed trying to do all that we want to do right in the middle of a still evolving pandemic  might not be a good idea.  We are having to think things through.

12 May 2020 – I had to put out a pair of my husbands pants for Link. Link was grieving yesterday after our visit.  He just howled after my husband left.  What my husband and I have been going through has been tough on Link too.  

We know we still want to sell this house but have to make sure Link and I have someplace to go after we do.  The realtor we talked to said with considering what needs to happen to this house, we were looking at $110-130,000 for a walk away on it – we paid $107,000.   I think the low figure has to do with the fact our house is needing another foundation repair.  Those are expensive.  He quoted foundation repair costing about $8-$11,000.  There has been a lot of interior damage because of the house shifting.

My husband was still not very pleased with the realtor quote considering how much they say our house is worth .  USAA is saying our home is worth $180,000 but that isn’t considering the factors the realtor considered and also the realtor is familiar with our town.  He has sold other properties in our area and probably has a good idea of what he can get for it.  So we will have to work on the realtor part.  I think the sale of this place will end up being a flipper kind of deal.  What I mean by that,  is an investor will buy the property, make repairs and then sell it at a higher price than they bought it.  Neither one of us is wanting to put any more money into repairing this place as it is.  So no matter what realtor we choose, we may be stuck with getting not much more than we paid for it in the end of it.

All that said, selling the place will more than likely not be a problem.  If we need to,  we can do a remote closing.  It apparently happens all the time.  The part I’m concerned about is knowing  the place I have to go for certain is 1600+ miles away.  When I got to thinking about all that is involved with that kind of trip, I got cold feet.  It’s not that I’m not willing to do it.   I think if my cousin and his wife are good on their offer to come here to help me drive back there won’t be as much a problem.  I’m just worried about putting us all at risk health wise doing this when the pandemic is still doing it’s thing in this country.

There is also a small part of me that is hoping my husband might change his mind about our relationship.  By talking to him yesterday and  considering all that he has been through with me the past couple of years, it’s not looking good for reconciliation like I would want.  He is adamant he’s not coming back to this house to live.  He is perfectly justified in his feelings and his actions.  There is a lot he could have done.  He could have completely abandoned me and he didn’t and he hasn’t.  He knows I can’t do this all of by myself and seems willing to do his part.  The other consideration is that I am freshly out of the hospital and I don’t want to end up back in one.  We just have to do this right and I think we are.

some info I found about road trips right now:

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/travelers/travel-in-the-us.html

Road Trips

CDC recommends you stay home as much as possible and practice social distancing, especially if you are at higher risk of severe illness.  However, if you must travel, be aware that many businesses (such as restaurants and hotels) may be closed.

Anticipate your needs before you go:

  • Prepare food and water for the road. Pack non-perishables in case restaurants and stores are closed.
  • Bring any medicines you may need for the duration of your trip.
  • Pack a sufficient amount of alcohol-based hand sanitizer (at least 60% alcohol) and keep it in a place that is readily available.
  • Book accommodations in advance if you must stay somewhere overnight.
    • Plan to make as few stops as possible, but make sure you rest when you feel drowsy or sleepy.
    • Bring an EPA-registered disinfectant and other personal cleaning supplies.

Don’t travel if you are sick or plan to travel with someone who is sick.

11 May 2020 Things change

Hello to you.  It’s early in the morning and I cannot sleep any more right now.  I figured I might as well write a few lines.  Yesterday was a tough day for me but not unexpected.  It seems things are going to be changing for my family.   My family is fixing to get smaller and bigger at the same time.

For my readers of this blog who have been with me a long time, you know this blog is a tool for me to help me sort things out both good and bad going on in my life.  Thank you in advance for reading and your support!

Yesterday I found out that my husband has decided it’s time for us to go our separate ways.   We both agreed that the way the past four years have been for us, especially him, we can go no further together.  This means a lot of changes for our little family.  The timing for this isn’t the greatest in light of what’s going on in the the world around us and I’m very sad this is happening.  The bottom line though is we are parting ways as friends.  I care for and  plan to always care for him and his family.  We just aren’t going to be husband and wife anymore.

Let our story be a cautionary tale for those reading out there who have the Bipolar label, have family who is Bipolar, are married or are considering marrying someone like me who is Bipolar.  This is the second marriage that this condition, not properly treated and maintained has destroyed for me.   I take a large part to blame for the failure of this marriage.

There is one word that leaps out the most from this journey and that is denial.

For so many years I tried to live with my husband in such a way that made my labels were not a part of the equation.  Ultimately that just made it worse.  When you have this condition or any of the other labels I’ve put on myself like being a highly sensitive/porous/spiritual person, you have to have a proper treatment plan.   I didn’t do my part to the full extent I should have.

It will be really important that that during the transition I am about to make, I still will be able to have access to the care to have proper treatment.  

I have decided once we get everything resolved here, especially the selling of this house, Link and will be headed West to join my family in Idaho.   It’s going to be a long journey, but it sounds like I will have help getting there.

I am blessed to have amazing family and friends both his and mine who have immediately stepped up for both of us about this.  I know it’s not going to be easy but I am having to really go to a new place from denial and that is faith.    I will have to have a stronger faith that for whatever reason this is happening now,  it’s going to be ultimately for a better life for all of us in the future.

 

8 May 2020 Writing it out

Hello again.  It’s a gray and windy afternoon and I’m lonesome.  To help fill the void what seems to be working for me right now is walking and writing.  I’ve taken a couple of long walks already today so I figured I’d spend some more time writing.  I’ve been seeing a lot of other folks in our neighborhoods out walking too so I don’t think I’m alone with what I’m going through.

After reading this blog:  https://funfreedomfables.wordpress.com/2020/05/08/quarantine-loneliness/ I was reminded that if you try to outrun loneliness it will only chase you, you have to turn and face it.  So I’m turning and facing it with the tools available to me!  This blog!

I decided to try my hand at a short story with a tree theme in honor or my husband and my wedding anniversary today:

A long time ago there was a little seed that was born on the branch of a great oak tree.   When that seed was first formed it didn’t know how long it would be part of the oak tree that formed it.  The seed didn’t know where it would go should it have to leave the oak tree.  The rains came.  The sun shown.  The breath of morning, noon and night came and went.  The moon glowed and the stars shown.  The seed got bigger and bigger until one day the winds blew just right and the seed was forced from it’s branch on the parent oak.   The seed was large and plummeted noisely to the ground.  Once making purchase with the grass,  it rattled a little bit inside it’s shell then lay still.  Now came the waiting time.   Waiting to be chosen.

8 May 2020 an oak seed

The seed lay still on the spot to which it’s parent had dropped it for many days.  The rains came.  The sun shown,   The breath of morning, noon and night came and went.  The moon glowed and the stars shown.  The seed lay very still and waited to be chosen by one of the great Arborists  also known as squirrel.  It was the dream all oak seeds to be chosen for planting so they could create brand new great oak of their own!

Many other seeds lay on the ground all around this one seed.  Then the day came when the great Arborist started to examine the seeds to see which ones would be worthy for planting.  It was getting to be fall and the Arborist was planning ahead to colder times.  The Arborist picked up each seed and examined them very closely.  Occasionally they would shake a seed and listen carefully for just the right sound.  One by one, each seed was carefully examined until finally the great Arborist came to that one lone seed that had fallen seemingly so long ago.

At first it looked like the Arborist was going to reject the lonely seed.  They picked up and dropped the seed more than once.  They shook the seed and examined it in great detail before taking it into it’s mouth to nice patch of dirt and burying it.  Now the sleep slumbered.  The rains came.  The sun shown.  The breath of morning, noon and night came and went.  The moon glowed and the stars shown.  Then something magical happened, a sprout shot through the hard seed shell and dark soil.   The sprout reached up to the sky and thus was the beginning of a new oak tree.

 

8 May 2020 a baby oak sapling.

Sometimes I feel a bit like the seed in this little story.   I have tried to bloom where I’ve been planted here in Alvarado, but I am feeling the winds blow in a new direction.  I am feeling a tug at my soul but I’m not exactly sure which direction.    What is the plan for me?  How can I be useful to my little family?  How can I best serve this world I love without being a burden to it?  I will try my best to remain vigilant and open minded.   God always has a plan.

seed” in the English Ordinal system equals 33

oak tree” in the English Ordinal system equals 75

Arborist” in the English Ordinal system equals 102

squirrel” in the English Ordinal system equals 119

to bloom where you are planted” in the English Ordinal system equals 308

I came across this today and thought it was really sweet:

 

6 May 2020 Making good choices and could basic income be an option for the US?

Hello to you.  How are you as you visit me here?  I hope this finds you well.  Aside from allergies and being awake way too darn early things are pretty decent here.  When is too early to be awake?  In dog time, from what Link tells me, it’s being awake before the sun is.  As I write, he’s still in bed!

What comes to me this morning is something I’m having to do – learning to accept my part.  What I mean by that is each of us seems to have a part we play on this stage of God’s and mine seems to be the one that I’m trying to accept.  When I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, things seem to go well.  When I’m not, well God lets me know about it.  They were pretty firm about it most recently – tough love is the phrase we are using.

To quote Albus Dumbledore: “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

So it’s  important to make good choices.

I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s hard to know what a good choice is!   In my life so far, it feels like there is a lot of hindsight on the making good choices scenario.  It feels like all too often I am  asked to make a good choice when I’m faced with a set of circumstances and limited data to go on.  As is the case recently, if it’s not me making the choice, it’s me having to trust someone else about it.

My personal barometer, “if it ain’t light, it ain’t right” works most of the time.  If my heart moves in my chest anywhere but center when making a choice, my choice my need evaluating.  Lately though, and I hadn’t planned on this part,  I am acknowledging that when I feel my heart sink into my stomach it might be because I’m being asked to get out of my comfort zone.  How do you tell the difference?!

This is a question facing so many in our world today isn’t it?

making good choices” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – a feeling, being yourself, quality of life, spirit alchemy

With this Covoid19 crisis there seems to be a lot of darned if you do, darned if you don’t!  The right answer, as I’ve been seeing a lot, might not be the popular answer or what other people want to hear.   For example, the debate in our state of Texas has been whether or not to open up businesses again.  Is it too soon?  Are these businesses prepared for the changes they need to make to be open safely?   I am noticing a lot of small businesses being forced to choose between their lives and their livelihoods.  I think if they knew they had some sort of income no matter what, they wouldn’t feel pressure to reopen so quickly.  For many, if they don’t open back up, they face losing their business which affects their lives and the communities they serve.  If they do open back up, they are putting their lives at risk being exposed to a potentially infected public.  They tried to give some of the businesses stimulus checks but it’s not enough to sustain a business for a long period like we are potentially talking about with this virus.

A model that exists and I don’t know if this would work here is Basic income.   May be something like this could help the many unemployed and or those losing their businesses from the restaurant, service, retail and agricultural sectors.   They already have people applying for aide so they know who the folks are that need help already:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basic_income

Basic income, also called universal basic income (UBI), citizen’s income, citizen’s basic income, basic income guarantee, basic living stipend, guaranteed annual income, or universal demogrant, is a governmental public program for a periodic payment delivered to all on an individual basis without means test or work requirement.[2] The incomes would be:

  • Unconditional: A basic income would vary with age, but with no other conditions. Everyone of the same age would receive the same basic income, whatever their gender, employment status, family structure, contribution to society, housing costs, or anything else.
  • Automatic: Someone’s basic income would be automatically paid weekly or monthly into a bank account or similar.
  • Non-withdrawable: Basic incomes would not be means-tested. Whether someone’s earnings increase, decrease, or stay the same, their basic income will not change.
  • Individual: Basic incomes would be paid on an individual basis and not on the basis of a couple or household.
  • As a right: Every legal resident would receive a basic income, subject to a minimum period of legal residency and continuing residency for most of the year.[3]

Basic income can be implemented nationally, regionally or locally. An unconditional income that is sufficient to meet a person’s basic needs (at or above the poverty line) is sometimes called a full basic income while if it is less than that amount, it is sometimes called partial. A welfare system with some characteristics similar to those of a basic income is a negative income tax in which the government stipend is gradually reduced with higher labor income. Some welfare systems are sometimes regarded as steps on the way to a basic income, but because they have conditions attached they are not basic incomes. If they raise household incomes to specified minima they are called guaranteed minimum income systems. For example, Bolsa Família in Brazil is restricted to poor families and the children are obligated to attend school.[4]

 

Basic income” in the English Ordinal system equals 93 – management, growing, therapy, internal, trying, parents

nine three” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 – together, stocking, trust, “to try”

nine eight’” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 – spirit, upgrades, savings, content, emotion, future, growth

nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 – sharing, tracker, humans, species, example, mixing concept

seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 – humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, expansion

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 – a the, innovation, challenge, invitation, grownups, system life

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 – a body, people matter, brain function, peace for the brain, field of study

——————-

https://washingtonmonthly.com/2020/03/18/americans-need-a-basic-income-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak/

While one-time “stimulus checks” are an option— as they were in the immediate aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis—many Americans are going to need longer-term support to weather the coming financial storm. Rather than a single shot of cash, struggling Americans will need an “emergency basic income” (EBI)—i.e. no-strings-attached, continuing cash support, similar to what former presidential candidate Andrew Yang proposed on the campaign trail.

At the time of his campaign, Yang was pushing for a “universal basic income”– a $1,000 per month entitlement for every American. The idea was expensive, impractical. and rife with the potential for unintended consequences. But now, Yang’s original conception, with some important variations, could save millions of Americans from financial catastrophe. That helps explain why its finding new life from proponents l New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (as well as Yang himself). Yet UBI need not be adopted in its original form to do a lot of good; it need not be as generous as an indefinite entitlement of $1,000 a month, nor does it need to be universal. At least not yet.

———————

I currently live on a fixed income so I understand what this is like.  My income doesn’t fluctuate that much so I have to live within my means.  I wonder if this model would work for some of the folks that had small businesses and they had to close them.  Could our country afford this system on a short term basis until be get more stabilized and beyond the crisis?

Anyhew – I’m out of my depth.  People a lot wiser out there on this but that’s just how my mind goes – from small scale to the world.   How do you make a good choice in such uncertain times.  I guess if we are honest with ourselves, now isn’t much different than it ever really was.  There is always risk in decision making.  All we can do is make the best choices we can and hope for the best.   I do hope anyone reading this, if you are in the demographic of folks I’m talking about,  that you have or can get everything you need to take care of yourselves and your families.

P.S.  The Blue Angels are supposed to be flying today – hope I get to see them!

 

 

 

4 Sept 2019 Horse Apple Tree – Alvarado TX

2 Sept 2019 Jackie Wygant cell phone picture horse apple tree next to abandoned house near The Family Dollar Alvarado TX

The other day I was walking to the Family Dollar down the street and happened to notice this beautiful tree living near an abandoned house across the street from our local Elementary School.  I got to thinking about how nice it would be if that property could be annexed to the school for learning about plants and nature; like a nature learning center or something.  There is a large field next to it I imagined being turned into a community garden and it could also be part of the learning center.  I imagined children learning how to grow their own food and appreciating nature like I do.

https://lancaster.unl.edu/enviro/pest/nebline/hedgeapple.htm

Facts and Myths of Hedge Apples
by Dr. Barbara Ogg, Extension Educator

This article appeared in the October 2001 NEBLINE Newsletter

This time of year, hedge apples – the fruit from the Osage-orange tree – are being sold at farmer’s markets, garden centers, and other locations. Many people have heard that these fruits can be used as an insect repellent, but the truth is that many people don’t know much else about this unusual tree and its fruit.

The Tree and Its Fruit:

Osage-Orange Tree - Click on Image for Larger ViewThe Osage-orange is a small to medium-sized tree, having a short trunk and a rounded or irregular crown. The twigs are buff to orange-brown and are armed with one-half inch long spines. The stems exude a milky sap when cut. The Osage-orange is dioecious, meaning that male and female flowers are produced on separate trees. The small, green flowers appear in May or June. Female trees produce 3-to 5-inch diameter fruit which ripen in September or October and fall to the ground.

Native Habitat and Current Distribution:

The Osage-orange is native to a small area in eastern Texas, southeastern Oklahoma, and southwestern Arkansas. This region is the home of the Osage Indians which gives the tree its common name. Settlers found that the Osage-orange transplanted easily, tolerated poor soils, extreme heat, and strong winds and had no serious insect or disease problems. It was widely planted in the Midwest as a living fence because, when pruned into a hedge, it provided an impenetrable barrier to livestock. The development of barbed wire curtailed its widespread planting, but many Osage-orange trees can still be found in fence rows.

Osage-orange fence post - Click on Image for Larger viewUses of the Osage-Orange:

The wood is extremely hard, heavy, durable and shrinks or swells little compared to the wood of other trees. The wood is used for fence posts, treenails, furniture, and archery bows. In fact, many archers consider the wood of the Osage-orange to be the world’s finest wood for bows. Another common name for this tree, bodark, is from the French bios d’arc meaning “bow wood.” This tree also produces a bright yellow dye which can be extracted from the wood.

The fruit of the Osage-orange is a nuisance in the home landscape and has little value. Hedge apples are not an important source of food for wildlife as most birds and animals find the fruit unpalatable. The thorny trees do provide nesting and cover for wildlife.

The belief about the use of hedge apples for insect control is widespread and persistent. it is claimed that placing hedge apples around the foundation or inside the basement will repel or control insects. A few years ago, Iowa State University toxicologists extracted compounds from hedge apples. When concentrated, these compounds were found to repel insects.

Scientists also found that natural concentrations of these compounds in the fruit were too low to be an effective repellent. So, don’t be fooled into spending much to use hedge apples as an insect repellent.

If you decide to pick hedge apples to check out the repellency yourself or to use the fruit as a fall decoration, it would be wise to wear gloves. The milky juice present in the stems and fruit of the Osage-orange can irritate the skin.

Insects, Spiders, Mice and MoreReturn for more information on Insects, Spiders, Mice and More

Looking for information about a specific insect pest or your local wildlife? Visit here.


USE OF THE EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS: You may reproduce the Educational Resource Guides for educational purposes but not for sales purposes (unless otherwise indicated as a sales item–these items may not be reproduced). Videotapes are copyrighted and may not be reproduced. If you have questions about using any photographs or images, visit Credits for use. You’re also welcome to link to “Insects, Spiders, Mice and More” from your website. Please credit: University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension in Lancaster County (http://lancaster.unl.edu/enviro/pest/bug.htm)

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/ – site I use to look at words and phrases.  It helps me learn in a different way.

horse apple tree” in the English Ordinal system equals 163

(empath – 63)

hedge apples” in the English Ordinal system equals 98

(together – 98)

Osage-Orange tree” in the English Ordinal system equals 155

(shared – 55)

The Wasp

 

*Seeing this today was like they were showing me, “Hey, look what my job is! I have value, I have worth!”  We used to be mean to the wasps until I took the time to learn their job in nature actually is.  From what I have personally witnessed, their purpose for existence includes trying to keep our trees healthy.  Since trees are basically the lungs of the planet, I think that’s a pretty important job!   I have read conflicting information about wasps online.  My personal experience is they are helpers and teachers.  What came through in the numbers is a pecan tree and a teacher have a pattern in common.  What I believe is we all, whatever form, are teachers, students, messages and receivers of those messages.  I believe everyone has value in one way or another.  It’s not always easy to understand what we are trying to convey to each other.  I don’t think we should give up trying!

133 – “don’t give up”

Wasp – 59/84/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140…….

*remember, these are only just a few of the meanings of these numbers that I have found for myself and am sharing with you.

59’s – dragon, social, size, gather, larvae, learned

84’s – lesson, daughter, motive, “create life”

109 – struggle

40’s – food, weak

58’s – lunch, want, “eat life”, feeling

25’s – all

34’s – chance, free, heat

134 – information

50’s – easy, fight, numb

150’s – understanding, communication, positive image, energy draining, possession, pure oxygen

“The Wasp” – 92/100/162/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140……..

92’s – thinking, seasons, training, opinion, purging, relative, picture, appetite, day shift

100’s – sources, services, attitude, collecting, culture, acknowledge, accumulate, intellect, boundary

62’s – taking, riches, behaves, noise, hearing, germs, humane, queen, disease, favor, plasma, choices

162’s – “break in routine,” “eyes of the sun,” “to have conscience”

44’s – brain, talk

144 – disruption

54’s – love, sun, voice, chemical, health, acting, breath, bodies

154’s – comprehension, “a feeling process,” “point of view,” autonomous

36’s – child, bite, heard, asp, agree

136’s – evaporation, “life experience,” “human nature,” “mixed signals,” “speaking voice”

42’s – self, new, gift, balanced, rain, war, female, rebel

142’s – profiteering, “we are all related,” temperature, “food is energy ,” “energy language,” brain trust, life purpose,

52’s – earth, seeds, caring, speak, heart, raise, create, birds, crop,

152’s – amber tree resin, positive drama, positive being,

pecan tree – 87/114/128/141/128/141……….

87- person, truth, roots, justice

pecan – 39/98/91/76/117/133/146

98 – killer bees (I found this value trying to figure out why people may have a fear of bees/wasps.  Remember those old Killer bee television shows and movies?  When I was a very small girl I can remember drinking a can of soda without realizing a bee was in the can and I got stung.  I was pretty freaked out!  It wasn’t the bee’s fault but a “seed of fear” was planted that I had to actively overcome through time.  I did this through trying to understand them instead of thinking they were all bad. The same principle I have used towards other insects and life forms to include people.  It’s not easy to do but for me personally, it has been worth trying to do.)

76 – humans

117’s – nurture, “I’m sorry,” dissection, projecting, “broken earth,” humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, cultivated, heartbroken, water falls (If you look at a pecan it looks like a human brain in the shell and they are considered a healthy food for the brain). http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/2016/11/pecans-provide-brain-boost.html

tree – 48/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150……….

https://www.lung.org/ – The American Lung Association website

https://www.arborday.org/ – The Arbor Day Foundation website

helpers – 83/105/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150……..

83’s – wisdom, nerves, non-biased

teacher – 60/116/120/156/128/141/28/141…….

“make peace” = 60

19 June 2019 “People Message”

Hello to you.  I hope this finds you well today.  I have started exploring some things using sumerian gematra values in addition to the ordinal on this website: https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/ and this morning, with just a few key words, saw some pretty interesting patterns I wanted to share with those who have been interested in what I’m doing….following along so to speak.  I have my own personal reference for key words that showed up to me here.  I am providing a couple at the end of this, but I encourage you to look at this for yourself and see what it says to you personally.  The main reason I do this is for that reason, it’s a conversation.

Words (sumerian) = 474  1110/996/816/810/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996….repeating pattern

Words (ordinal) = 79  107/163/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Numbers (sumerian) = 552 852/894/906/948/906…..repeating pattern

Numbers (ordinal) = 92 100/162/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Phrases (sumerian) = 516 768/996/816/810/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Phrases (ordinal) = 86 101/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Meaning (sumerian) = 378 1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Meaning (ordinal) = 63  108/147/159/118/117/133/146

Reason (sumerian) = 432 1044/1308/1218/1050/1224/1260/1248/1206/1248….repeating pattern

Reason (ordinal) = 72 123/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Message (sumerian) = 414 924/960/948/906/948/906….repeating pattern

Message (ordinal) = 69 94/102/156/128/141

Communication (sumerian) = 900 1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Communication (ordinal) = 150 140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Memory (sumerian) = 534 948/906/948/906….repeating pattern

Memory (ordinal) = 89  91/76/117/133/146

Remember (sumerian) = 474 1110/996/816/810/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996….repeating pattern

Remember (ordinal) =  79  107/163/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Conversation (sumerian) = 930 972/990/888/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Conversation (ordinal) = 155 118/117/133/146

“Do not forget me”  (ordinal) = 157/141/128/141

“Do not forget me” (sumerian) = 942 960/948/906/948

people (sumerian) = 414 924/960/948/906//948/906…..repeating pattern

message (sumerian) = 414

people (ordinal) = 69 94/102/156/128/141/128….repeating pattern

message (ordinal) = 69


Some key words/phrases that may or may not help you comprehend the above information*

*it’s important to remember I have only found just a few of these so far and I would be taking away from the adventure if I just gave them all to you!  If you decide and or have decided to do this for yourself, you will find more word/number values as you go through the experience.  I encourage you to make up your own personal key code list for reference.  Part of the wonder of this for me is finding the values during the process.  One word/number value will often lead me to another and as that happens, as I’ve shown above with the repeating patterns, it’s interesting to see the connections/associations.

I think you will find, as I have, sometimes as you go through a train of thought using this, a message will be there specifically for you and no one else.  This process is helping me work through the chronic trust issues I have and I am sharing to help others who might be going through the same thing and haven’t found anything else to help them.

This is not something I have chosen to “monetize/commoditize” for profit and that’s why I haven’t and don’t intend to do so if at all possible.

As I’ve stated before, this system has been around a very long time!  I’m very much a novice yet about this system of communication.  I think I’m making good progress considering I have never had any formal training/teaching given to me about it.    I’m kind of glad I haven’t had formal training.  I have to wonder if that’s why it’s going the way it has? I feel like sometimes when we have formal training about things of this nature we can get kind of narrow minded about it.  In places I used to be narrow minded about religion/spirituality, this system has opened me up to new thoughts and patterns.

I think a basic foundation that is important with this whole process is learning the alphabet, learning to read, learning how to count/do basic math and for me personally, I have explored the Bible and other spiritual writings by various authors of various walks of faith and spirituality.     

all/fame = 25

God/dog/card/game/lie/eat/ate/bear/tea = 26

feel/read/man = 28

due/baby/peace/Bible/day/make/date = 30

agenda, life, again = 32

halo/child/hair/bite/heard = 36

garbage/sail/alien/cow/fuck/help/blind/awake/key = 41  (yes, I included THAT word)

anger/milk/bath/bridge/denial/leader/cheese/cool = 45

blonde/earth/seeds/caring/speak/what/thaw/hobby = 52

sun/love/play/voice/eyes = 54

horn/warm/cloud/satan/move/higher/wire = 55

drive/star/feeling/fragile/glass/Father/lunch/night/asleep/bedtime/illegal/reading = 58

color/carpet/traffic/skill/divine = 63

music/white/broken/backyard/poker/cleaning/random/alphabet = 65

woman/beasts/family/happy/walks/twin/freedom/relics = 66

ways/house/waste/right/married/sweat/war dog/key code/planet = 68

animals/people/husband/slow/wealth/fatigue/message = 69

machines/quiet/money/singer/discord/charisma/marriage/school/stuff/boredom/crochet/world = 72

clouds/energy/nuclear/Jesus/Lucifer/trauma = 74

feelings/power/Christ/things/glory/teapot/store/forbidden/wearing/temper = 77

nature/listen/remember/zones/watches/mother/should/relocate/super/disobey/ground/loving/murder/your/bribery/addiction = 79

filthy/behavior/rebirth/plastic/empathy/gullible/handyman/letter/short/fighting/laptop/learning = 80

wanting/allergies/ghosts/policeman/exercise = 88

courier/insects/memory/religion/location/disappear/anatomy = 89

thirteen/egocentric/judgement/fortune/tradesmen/sickness/answers/open minded = 99

estrogen/suspect/expecting/counting = 103

conscious/unfaithful/negative image/witnessed = 118

counseling/sympathy/mentality/expensive= 119

courageous/surprise/examination/super girl/mystery/previous/”I don’t know”/resistant/solution/spiritual = 125

copper wire = 128

commandments/information/combinations = 134

energy exchange = 141

understanding/communication/fifty states/uncertainty/divine planning/positive image = 150

comprehension/copper tools = 154

critical thinking = 167

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gematria

Gematria /ɡəˈmtriə/ (Hebrew: .mw-parser-output .script-hebrew,.mw-parser-output .script-Hebr{font-size:1.15em;font-family:”Ezra SIL”,”Ezra SIL SR”,”Keter Aram Tsova”,”Taamey Ashkenaz”,”Taamey David CLM”,”Taamey Frank CLM”,”Frank Ruehl CLM”,”Keter YG”,”Shofar”,”David CLM”,”Hadasim CLM”,”Simple CLM”,”Nachlieli”,”SBL BibLit”,”SBL Hebrew”,Cardo,Alef,”Noto Serif Hebrew”,”Noto Sans Hebrew”,”David Libre”,David,”Times New Roman”,Gisha,Arial,FreeSerif,FreeSans} גמטריא or גימטריה, plural גמטראות or גמטריאות, gematriot)[1] is an alphanumeric code of assigning a numerical value to a name, word or phrase based on its letters. People who practice gematria believe that words with identical numerical values may bear some relation to each other or to the number itself. A single word can yield multiple values depending on the cipher used.

Gematria originated as an Assyro-Babylonian-Greek system of alphanumeric code or cipher that was later adopted into Jewish culture. Similar systems have been used in other languages and cultures: earlier, the Greek isopsephy, and later, derived from or inspired by Hebrew gematria, Arabic abjad numerals, and English gematria.

A well-known example of Hebrew gematria is the word chai (“alive”), which is composed of two letters that (using the assignments in the Mispar gadol table shown below) add up to 18. This has made 18 a “lucky number” among the Jewish people. Gifts of money in multiples of 18 are very popular.[2]

13 June 2019 Looking at Time in the numbers

Hello to you.  I haven’t been in for a bit – doing lots of queries with the letters to numbers bit these days.  Today my husbands friend had a good question that I decided to explore and thought anyone who is interested in this might want to see what came up!  So what happens when I do queries of this nature is I am basically brainstorming and doing associations between things that are related to the subject.  It’s often surprising and delightful to see the “answers” or may be better yet to say “clues” that come through.

So here goes; the question was:  “What is time and how does it work?”

What is time and how does it work ? = 331/146

— what I saw in this result was this:  The 3, to me, is “yes, no may be” aspect of existence.  How we question ourselves when faced with a person, place, thing or situation we are uncertain about.  In this query it would be time.  The 146 doesn’t convert to anything else.   “One engaged with part of their brain, all the vices (7 deadly sins) but one.”  If you add 1 plus 46 it equals 47, which is the number value for time.

— “the yes, no, may be” for the light and shadow of one” = 396/150/140/158/125/134/150

— people=69  communication and uncertainty = 150  light= 56  shadow= 70

This didn’t really help us answer the question did it?  So what I did is started taking a look at a bunch of variables, mind you hardly all inclusive, that came to my mind and it was interesting to see what  came up.  I noticed that there are of course reoccurring patterns and 134, which I recently discovered was information and 150 which is fifty states, communication and uncertainty come up in almost all of them.  As is common for me when I do these, specific number values came up that spoke directly to me.  When you do this for yourself, should you choose, you may see the same.

To begin I have provided a “ledger” I use to help me make sense of what comes up without having a specific word meaning.  Keep in mind, with all the words in the English language there are many variations that can produce similar numeric values.  More than one word or sequence of words can equal the same thing and may or may not have the same meaning or association if that make sense?!  I would have to be a powerful computer or at this for a much longer time to find all the combinations!  Part of my enjoyment of this process is when a new value will come to me for a number that I had a previous association.  For example 150 was just fifty states for a time and now it’s communication and uncertainty just showed up this week!

1 – person, animal, object etc.

2 – process

3 – yes, no, may be

4 – brain

5 – sensation/senses/physical aspects

6 – cycle, all the “7” in check but 1

7 – vices, too much, preferences, purpose, motive

8 – system of eternity which can seem slow and the racetrack which can seem fast

9 – no? yes? unsure, uncertainty, resistance, insecurity  *interesting to note nine is nein, or “no” in German

10 – Zero = 64 Body = 46 observatory process  spirit = 91/10

7 Vices = Pride=52, Envy=66, Wrath=70, Sloth=74, Greed=39, Gluttony=134 and Lust=72

Moderation = 114  Balance=38  controlling yourself = 260  motive = 84  purpose = 110  intention = 120  expectation = 132  resentment = 133

 

(As always, feel free to add variables of your own.  I didn’t add these all up like I normally do this time but you can.  It’s interesting to see what final summary comes of many different variables.  Sometimes there will be direct correlation to one or more of the variables in the query.)

Brainstorm (129/134/150):

 

sunrise = 105/140/158/125/134/150

sunset = 98/91/76/117/133/146

time and the position of the sun = 324/174/159/118/117/133/146

time is a process for one in eternity which is either slow or fast like a racetrack = 793/163/142/152/134/150

earth = 52  information= 134 communication/uncertainty = 150

a racetrack is sometimes in a figure eight design = 424/178/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150

provocation = 148 – this one came up today!

(the number 78 = childhood, the number 8 on its side looks like the eternity symbol and ate/eat = 26/8)

twenty four hour clock = 273/179/141/128/141

(man=28, 141=energy exchange and 41=garbage!)

sundial = 80/113/124

(racetrack and behavior = 80)

chronological time = 179/141/128/141

linear time = 106/150/140/158/125/134/150

rotation of the earth and time = 184/143/150/140/158/125/134/150

the flow of time and space around a person = 381/139/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150

(what was funny about this is Jackie=39 and Life=32!)

pace = 25/100/162/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

(earth = 52/100  brain=44  54=sun/love

speed = 49/102/156/128/141

(light=56)

world time = 119/110/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/1/50

clock = 44/120/156/128/141

brain = 44/120/156/128/141

thinking time is passing by quickly = 377/186/135/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150

believing time is passing by quickly = 370/185/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

timeline= 87/114/128/141

time standing still = 207/187/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150

to stop time = 152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

counter clockwise = 196/128/141

counter clockwise rotation = 308/169/128/141

counter clockwise rotation of the earth = 447/185/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

brain = 44 time = 47  “brain time” = 91/76/117/113/146

to go forward in time = 212/150/140/158/125/134/150

to go backward in time = 190/140/158/125/134/150

backward = 63  child = 36

to stand still in time = 235/156/128/141/128

time stasis = 134/150

time travel = 125 134/150

all = 25 travel = 78  childhood=78

to relive a childhood through your child = 397/163/142/152/134/150

mistakes = 97

giving you child the childhood you were not given = 512/134/150

sparing your child the childhood you lived = 423/174/159/118/117/133/146

Alvarado, Jesus, Lucifer, Larry are some 74’s

learning from your own childhood and not repeating the same mistakes with your own children = 936/150

child = 36 learning = 80 behavior= 80

experiencing the passing of time through watching children grow up = 670/181/117/133/146

experiencing the passage of time through watching children grow up = 653/150

passage = 68  planet = 68

to give birth = 135/132

life = 32

to witness life = 176/151/110/132

hysterectomy = 176 (I had this happen to me in August 2005)

to witness death = 182/141/128

to experience life = 171/133/146

to experience death = 177/164/146

power = 77 Christ = 77

*in high school I wrote a poem titled Lady time and this progression made me this of it

Lady Time = 89/91/76/117/133/146

Schmidt, my maiden name = 76

“Lady Time sits with her hour glass and watches as time passes her by” = 669/146

woman = 66 people= 69

“she is surprised at all the time she’s managed to waste as the world spins by her with such extreme haste” = 1028/205/164/146

waste = 68  world = 72 haste = 53

(old phrase this made me remember from my Grandparents, “haste makes waste” = 170/163/142/152/134/150)

 

I hope this resonates with someone besides this numbers to letter nerd I’ve become these days.  This system came to me during a time when I didn’t even know what Gematria was.  Just the nudge to take a look at words by putting a number with the alphabet and see what they said.  Having trust issues to the degree I was having and yet have at times, this gave me some direction, relief and insight.  Thank you for stopping by.

 

 

 

 

 

 

23 May 2019 Forgiveness

Forgiveness – https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/

My interpretation through this system of what forgiveness is.  It is a process within the two sides of ourselves to determine if we will let the harm someone else has caused us be set aside or whether or not we will hold on to it.  Sometimes, for me, it seems like I’ve let something go from the past but something in the present can trigger an old wound.  This has been happening to me recently in my own life.  There are a lot of “broken pieces” in my house as evidence.  I glued some of them together yesterday and made some art out it like I’ve done in the past and posted here.

I deleted all my previous posts because sometimes, without meaning to, you can hurt people with things you write.

Not many people understand this system that came to me around February of last year…..trust issues.  Gematria has been around a long time but the way I interpret it isn’t the same as other people do it.  To consider both the light and shadow aspects of ourselves.  I am split in two in most any way you can be, so this makes sense to me and may make sense to others like me.  This message is for you then.  I feel like God gave me this as a life preserver to try and help me get a grasp on reality.  It is my duty to pass it on….for free.  It doesn’t belong to me, it belongs to the God of my understanding.

Forgiveness” in the English Ordinal system equals 139/13/4/2/1 or 13 divided by 2 (light and shadow of ourselves) = 6.5 = 11/2/1 or 11 divided by 2 = 5.5 = 10/1 or 10 divided by 2 = 5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1  *My name, Jackie, is 39.   To look at this number is one person in a “yes, no, may be” situation and nine for me is nein, nein in German is No.

one three nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 – one person in a “yes, no may be” situation yet and now they are in the process of deciding what they will do between the two sides of themselves.

one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 – one person engaged now with their brain, brain is 44 in the numbers in the racetrack or seeming infinity process that is life.

one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 – one person engaged yet with their brain in the “yes, no, may be” process of forgiveness.

one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – one person engaged in the five senses, the “sensation” of the unknown aspects of forgiveness.  What will happen if they forgive?  This number is also fifty states and communication in the numbers.

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 – one person engaged with their brain in the unknown aspects of forgiveness.

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – one person engaged in the five senses, the “sensation” while living on the racetrack or seeming infinity that is life.  The number eight is the infinity symbol if you draw it.

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 – one person engaged in the process of forgiveness and the five senses, the “sensation” and or feeling of what it is like to forgive.

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – one person engaged in the “yes, no, may be” aspect along with their brain….”shall I continue?”

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – one person engaged in the five senses again, the “sensation” of forgiveness and their are many unknown aspects….variables they can’t control.  It is a cycle.   I forgive but seldom can forget which can be difficult for people who would like to forget the past and I remind them of it.

23 May 2019 – Recently I have broken a lot of things in the house to include things that were gifts from other people. For some reason I have been very angry which isn’t like me. Yesterday I used my hot glue gun Kyle got in his welding classes and gave to me to make some art of the broken pieces.
22 May 2019 Jackie hot glue gun art from broken pieces of cookie jar statue and angel chimes