10 April 2022 Sometimes We Have To Look Down

Hello to you. Hope you are well today. Yesterday was a mostly ok good day. My Aunt and I joined some really special women for breakfast at Grace House. It’s the first time I’ve been in there since we did cleaning and setting up inside of it. It felt so good to meet in a place that felt like a home. Going places with my Aunt is like that. She brings home to a house. It was a blessing to share a moment with her and these women who love God. Emily gave a devotional and I think this is the passage she referenced. She was thinking of her Dad and saying this brought tears to her eyes and to ours:

2 Timothy 1:7New King James Version

7 For (A)God has not given us a spirit of fear, (B)but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

On the walk last night I had one of those experiences that you pray you do it right. I had stopped to admire my favorite Willow tree like I usually do. I looked up into her flowing mane of green and then looked down…..I was dismayed at what I saw laying there. It was a dead baby squirrel. I stood there for a moment in sadness and wondering what I should do. Do I leave the body there? Then I saw a little girl in the window watching me. I took one of the bags I use to pick up after Link, and it took forever to get it open, and picked up the little body and put it in the bag. The little one hadn’t been dead long. Then Link and I walked home. I dug a hole in the yard and buried the little one. It made me think of Emily who lost her Dad. It made me wonder if that little squirrels Mom would miss her baby. It made me think of my own life….how one day my body will be a shell….return to the earth. I kept talking to God about it, thinking about that little girl watching what I was doing. My head is usually in the clouds but sometimes you have to look down. Be reminded of some of the hardest lessons God teaches- those about life and death. I hope I got it right.

Morning with my Aunt:

Me seeing my Aunt
Big tree outside Grace House
My Aunt at Grace House – the mat is a perfect message about the feeling of the place

Pictures from walks yesterday:

Two crows can you see them?
A tiny reminder underneath the rocks of how precious and fragile this life is. We all belong to God all creatures great and small.

5 April 2022 Feeling Peace

Check out 5 April 2022 Tuesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1447098869

Hello to you today. I hope this finds you well. To be honest I’m struggling a bit today. The more it seems that I seek what’s good in the world the more the opposite extreme seems to try to get in my view.

I decided to watch The Chosen yesterday and I am enjoying it so far. The scene when Jesus heals “Lilith” real name Mary really touched me. When he puts his hands on her head and brought her peace she could feel I thought of that scene from the Davinci Code when Sophie touches Robert Langdons head. I thought of all the times Kyle used to do that to me when I was thinking too much. A simple and beautiful gesture…..feeling peace….relief from too many mind. If your curious You can get the Chosen app from the Apple Store. Here is a link: http://www.thechosen.tv/app or search “The Chosen”

Yesterday we got a little bit of rain but it was weird. Our cars all looked like they had been washed in mud! https://idahonews.com/amp/weather/adventure-starts-with-weather/milky-rain-nope-but-cars-in-the-treasure-valley-will-be-especially-dirty-monday

“Are your cars dirty after the rain? The culprit is strong winds blowing lakebed dust near Summer Lake OR toward the Boise, Nampa, Meridian area,” the NWS wrote on social media.

My cars windshield!

Message from A Woman’s Spirit today:

My life is filled with the evidence that I am lovable. God has not forgotten me. Everywhere I look today, I’ll see a gift.

I know times are ruff right now but it’s going to be ok! Do what I do and be happy right now. Stop worrying about all that stuff you can’t or won’t do anything about. Be good ok?

John 14:15-31New International Version

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15 “If you love me, keep my commands.(A)16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate(B) to help you and be with you forever— 17 the Spirit of truth.(C) The world cannot accept him,(D) because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[a] in you. 18 I will not leave you as orphans;(E) I will come to you.(F)19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me.(G) Because I live, you also will live.(H) 20 On that day(I) you will realize that I am in my Father,(J) and you are in me, and I am in you.(K) 21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me.(L) The one who loves me will be loved by my Father,(M) and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

I Look To You – just the voice in song I needed to hear today. Beautiful Whitney.

4 April 2022 What Do You Want?

Check out 4 April 2022 Monday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1446211091

Hello to you. How are you today? I hope this finds you well….rested? Are you getting enough rest? I myself am struggling with that. What’s frustrating is as I am getting older I have to rest more frequently than I used to! I don’t know how it is for you but sometimes it feels like the body betrays us leaving us feeling powerless!

My thoughts today are about the question I ask myself and others, “what do you want?” The context of the question is about the world we live in. Your immediate world that you experience each day. Who and what are you giving your personal power to?

What do you want to see more of in the world you live in? Where do you focus most of your mind, body and souls energy? Who and what gets most of your personal power?

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of videos on You tube from animal shelters and rescue agencies. They are finding and rescuing dogs that have been shot and left to die. One dog was shot while she was pregnant. Other dogs covered in oil, left in landfills and dumpsters…old dogs abandoned on a street, sick dogs left to wander. For a time I have been wondering if focusing my attention on such things is giving power to that stuff happening in the first place! I have asked God before if there were no rescue agencies and shelters would this horrible stuff still be happening? The answer is most likely yes and these animals would just suffer.

People take their powerlessness out on each other through horrific abuse and they take it out on animals. Where do people learn to be and do such horrible things? A lot of times they themselves were victims….they were taught and learned that acts of violence were the way to deal with difficult emotions and situations. The chain of this behavior has to be broken. Is that possible? Are we like some breeds of dogs born with a predisposition for certain behaviors? Is it in our DNA? If the right things happen that those violent tendencies in our code get activated?

What do I want? I want to see less activation of the genetic codes in people that make some aspects of this existence so horrible. We need to teach people at a very early age how to deal with difficult emotions and situations so that they don’t take all of that ugly out on the world around them…innocent animals and children.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intelligence – I think this subject should be taught in school

Emotional intelligence (EI) is most often defined as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments.[1] Although the term first appeared in 1964,[2] it gained popularity in the 1995 best-selling book Emotional Intelligence, written by science journalist Daniel Goleman. Goleman defined EI as the array of skills and characteristics that drive leadership performance.[3]

Waiting
Trees on our walk
Pink blooms caught my eye
Looking up through the branches
A succulent trying to survive in my window
A gift a couple Christmas’s ago still showing signs of life (Amaryllis)

3 April 2022 Sunday

Check out 3 April 2022 Sunday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1445242021

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well today. It’s looking like another beautiful day is happening. I’m headed to church in a few minutes so I will leave you with this little message from A Woman’s Spirit today:

I can trust that God is part of every detail of my life today. I can either be peaceful about what happens or be resistant and miss my opportunity to contribute.

And a couple pictures:

Floofy clouds
What peace looks like
Many in one
A Family tree in cloth – a gift to my Aunt
My beautiful Auntie and Smokey having a moment
Worlds within worlds….

30 March 2022 Fair

Check out 30 March 2022 Wednesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1441259554

Hello to you. How are you today? I hope well. Last night was another struggle with getting sleep but God and I got through it. My head has been really full the past few days and I’ve been thinking and praying about a lot. There has been so much going on near and far that has captured my attention and care. It’s hard to wind down when I’m like that. Before bed I saw a video that added more thoughts to my head and prayers to my lips. It was about our President and his mental condition. The source was from Fox News which I expected to be cruel about this subject but Tucker Carlson wasn’t. He brought up some very valid concerns. I will let you judge for yourself if you are interested: https://youtu.be/gsOnnLts-4U – Tucker: Biden can’t regulate his emotions. Being a leader at any strata of this existence isn’t an enviable position. So much responsibility and pressure! God is working in these people. I hope to continue to see God at work. I’m already seeing glimpses of it with the war in the Ukraine. What we focus the power of our thoughts on the most is what helps God manifest those thoughts into reality. That’s how it seems to me anyways! Prayers for leaders at all levels!

Message from A Woman’s Spirit for today:

By embracing the unfair, I no longer feel fear or reflection or lack of self-esteem. – Eileen Fehlen

It’s so human to quickly label an unwanted situation as unfair and to assume we know what’s best for us. We reason that if God would answer our prayers, our lives would unfold appropriately. It’s also terribly human to have to relearn repeatedly that God’s will and God’s timetable don’t always match our own; however , without fail they serve us well.

Learning to appreciate the good in everything that comes our way makes us courageous. In time few things will fill us with fear, and that is measurable progress. We were tormented by fear for so many years that we never expected this rebirth of spirit. Life is beginning to feel inviting, exciting and safe. Let’s step forth together.

I can be certain that God will give me only what is right for me today.

—————

Today I picked up a round piece of rose quartz I have and it was so comforting. There have been several times when I’ve been sick that I have held rose quartz and felt like it helped me heal. When my friend and I went to a rock and gem show I could tell by the crowds that I’m not the only one who feels like these stones help. I know for some it seems like woo woo and that’s ok! It could be a placebo effect somewhat but like with the rose quartz orb I’m holding as I write to you – it feels good in my hand. I think of those worry stones – remember those?

Rose quartz is known as a healing crystal and the stone of unconditional love.

It’s believed by some to emit strong vibrations of love, which are thought to:

  • support emotional and relationship healing.
  • inspire compassion.
  • boost feelings of peace and calm.

https://www.healthline.com › health

Rose Quartz Crystal: Meaning, Healing, and How to Use – Healthline

29 March 2022 Control

Check out 29 March 2022 Tuesday chat (core issues) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1440224536

Sunrise and realizing I have dirty windows! Lol!
Thinking of my friend who gave me this today – she’s such a good listener and friend
I was lead to revisit this book today. It was a gift from my Aunt many years ago
One of the biggest core issues in dysfunction is control
I know it’s probably hard to read this – really good stuff. Another word for control is attachment. In Buddhism it’s taught that attachment leads to suffering. Trying to control everything often leads to addiction and abuse.
I learned about surrender through the Holy Spirit and AA

Hello to you. How are you today? I hope this finds you well. The direction I was lead today was to a book my Aunt gave me many years ago, Healing the Child Within by Charles L. Whitfield MD. In particular to look at core issues of dysfunctional people and one of those core issues is control also known as attachment. The book is still available if you are interested in further reading and learning: Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0932194400/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_DM6N7NE2ZFQ55EGW7PHB

A couple messages from A Woman’s Spirit:

Inside me is a stirring truth that is guided by my Higher Power. I am empowered by truth and joy. – Laurel Lewis

I will listen to the still, small voice within and feel secure and joyful, knowing that my actions are God’s will.

On my Twitch Stream today one of my viewers from England who is a young girl, told us about what happened to her, her brother and her brothers friend. They were attacked by bullies again. She was pushed in front of a bus by these kids! I was so hurt for her and the others attacked. The core issue I was lead to in Dr. Whitfields book, control, really applies to these bullies. Many bullies are themselves victims of violence or have been taught this behavior. Are from lives where they haven’t been in control. In order for them not to feel powerless themselves they externalize in their behaviors…. do what has been done to them. Some of these types are fortunate and some kind of intervention happens but I suspect far too many an oftentimes divine intervention doesn’t happen. They end up in jail or prison…death row. In this lifetime they just don’t learn. I’m so grateful for all the things I’ve gone through that I’ve had God who has put the right people, places and things in my life. Some of us internalize and abuse ourselves to deal with powerlessness and in the case of bullies and others they externalize their powerlessness. “Frequently the person who feels out of control is obsessed with the need to be in control.” (Page 69).

One of the most resilient beings on earth
“Hey! You matter! Try to be good today ok?!”

28 March 2022 Looking Up

Check out 28 March 2022 Monday chat (Clouds) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1439323879

Thinking about A Book of Clouds by John A. Day. Lots of geese have been passing through lately.
My friend Beth got this book for me during one of my hospital stays and it brought me so much comfort as I love clouds and couldn’t see them in the hospital
Ten reasons to Look Up (hope you can read the print)
My little somebody Link
Buds showing up on my neighbors tree
Some of my favorite flowers – dandelions
Sunset
Pine trees are waking up too
Some Idahoans doing some spring house shopping. With the drought I’ve been concerned about the animals and plants having enough water.

There was a good message today from A Woman’s Spirit. It speaks to the importance of remembering we are not all experiencing this life in the same way. It’s biologically impossible! Our bodies alone prove this point. All the walks of life with their different bodies. Different levels of vision for example. Some people can see really well and others are blind! Think of a concert and all the different eyes witnessing it. Not everyone will come away from that concert perceiving it… experiencing it the same way. It helps me to remember this when interacting with different people. It helps me be more empathetic….more understanding during times of agreement or disagreement.

The message is so good I want to share the whole thing:

There are many realities. We should member this when we get too caught up in being concerned about the way the rest of the world lives or how we think they live. -Natalie Goldberg

One of the most elusive truths we’ll ever struggle to grasp is that everyone has a unique perspective about every circumstance, a perspective that reflects a personal understanding of the universe. We never doubt that truth for ourselves, of course. We simply fail to acknowledge that it’s true for everyone else too.

There are times we can’t shake the need to be right; our egos depend on it. Unfortunately, we can’t maintain any real peacefulness if we are always in conflict with others who have their own viewpoints. Winning the “battle” then becomes a painful victory. Believing in valid, separate realities is only difficult at first. But like any other opinion or attitude, it can become habit with enough practice. We have nothing to lose by giving it a try.

I don’t need everyone to agree with me today. I only think I do.

26 March 2022 Spring

Check out 26 March 2022 Saturday chat (spring) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1437351008

One of my neighbors trees. The bees were loving it!
Grape Hyacinth (I think) I thought it was a blue bonnet like in Texas at first glance
Spring peaking up through winters debris

Hello to you. How are you? Hope this finds you well. I dreamt about my dog Spot again last night. She was running loose for some reason and found me. I miss her but she’s living her best life right now so grateful about that. She and I share dreams pretty often.

Yesterday I walked over to the Sunrise Cafe (https://www.theoriginalsunrisecafe.com/) for breakfast and got to witness one of those God moments. A man with a cane walked in and sat down at a booth by himself. Then the main waitress went over and sat across from him. She noticed he was wearing a hospital bracelet and asked him about it. He said he was having some “medical stuff” going on. One of the the things was cancer. He was going through chemo. After she left I then had the courage to say hello too. What was so beautiful was his smile. For all that he was dealing with he was still smiling. Your attitude when your facing adversity really makes a difference in how things will go for you. The Sunrise is becoming my go to place ! Good food and good people both who work there and the customers.

Todays message in A Woman’s Spirit talks about how sometimes we have to let go of our problems that might be going on that we just don’t know what to do about and make space for spiritual solutions….”let God on it!”

“When we loosen our grasp on our concerns, there is room for the spiritual essence of all life to move through us in such a way that healing occurs.” – Carol Sheffield

I will not be caught in a problem today if I am quiet and ready for the solution. Stillness engulfs me now.

This morning I was looking through my books and decided to take out a book of poetry written by a family friend named Tom Snooks. He struggled and died from cancer many years ago. It made me think of the man from the restaurant who is currently struggling. The poem I want to share is one he wrote about spring:

Tom prefaced his poems with what prompted him to write it.
Is it Spring?

25 March 2022 Little Pieces

Check out 25 March 2022 Friday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1436265682

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. Last night my Aunt, three friends of hers and I went to see the opening night of Matilda at the Nampa Civic Center. We made it through the first half and decided that was enough. The little girl that was cast as Matilda just didn’t resonate with us. For example for the first song none of us could understand what she was singing and it was loud. My favorite character was Miss Agatha Trunchbull. The man playing the part was hilarious. As with most things in the performance arts, the performer will either resonate with you or they won’t. Not everyone likes Bono from U2 for example. The little girl just didn’t resonate with me. That’s not saying she wasn’t talented or anything like that. So that was interesting and it’s the first time I’ve driven at night here!

I was thinking about my post yesterday about how I see, experience and understand God. What came to me as an example of how complex it must be to answer even the smallest of prayers was a family meal. Think about some of the meals you make, even just the trip to the grocery store. So many little pieces go into even just a hot dog or peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It’s like an episode of How It’s Made but for each and every part of the meal. I think about all the people involved with the life of food, machinery, climactic conditions like floods or droughts, the health of the animal stock, fuel prices….so many little pieces have to fit together for just one hot dog! When I began thinking about how complex it is to make a family meal or even feeding just one person, it made me think of what it must be like to be God answering or not answering a prayer. How complicated it must be to have everything in alignment…..so many little pieces. Sometimes pieces seen as insignificant or not relevant but if they are missing things can’t happen. I truly believe that behind every unanswered prayer there is a reason. The other thing to remember too is sometimes what we want and are asking God for isn’t possible…..realistic. Sometimes the answer isn’t how we expect it and we miss it. Sometimes we have to wait for answer. Just like with putting together a meal – all the individual pieces in all the ways those individual items come to reality have to be acquired for that meal to happen! I think Covid has shown us a lot about how dependent we are on each other – like factory workers and truck drivers for example.

The other thing I thought about yesterday with regards to answered and unanswered prayers – people in particular. What is often overlooked is the individual will of the people we are praying for. We don’t know what they want for themselves. We don’t know what kind of conversations they are having with their Higher Power. For example we might find out someone has cancer and immediately begin praying they be cured. What if the person doesn’t want to be cured? What if they want things to be over with? Again….not as simple as things may seem. I think about what we are told Jesus said when he prayed about the sparing of his own life…(Luke 22:42) 42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup(F) from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” Jesus had his own relationship with God. The apostles could pray for his life to be spared but Jesus was already working things out with God for himself.

Little pieces of the big picture to consider when you are deciding if you do or don’t believe in God. The stuff I’m sharing is what strengthens my personal relationship with The God of my understanding.

The messages from A Woman’s Spirit were good. Sometimes when people get into recovery and are feeling better they try to make up for lost time. They try to do too much at once. It’s important to remember that even doing a small part, a little piece of what you want to accomplish is enough:

I don’t train for a marathon when I simply want to run five mile races. -Patricia Roth Wuertzer

Today I’ll remind myself that I don’t have to complete a big project every day. Making some progress is enough.

23 March 2022 Finding Comfort

Check out 23 March 2022 Wednesday chat(AA Step 3) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1434295003

Trees have started budding here
I had to talk to God and myself this morning while feeling anxiety

Hello to you. How are you? Today began with one of those anxiety attacks I get once in awhile. I think it has to do with sleep apnea but I’m not sure. I just know I kind of freaked out. I had to pull out some tools from my sanity toolkit to get myself calmed down. I started with talking to God and went to the Bible to try and find comforting messages. I looked through so many chapters….the concordance for anxiety and comfort and just couldn’t find what I was looking for. It came to me to try the “Big Book” from Alcoholics Anonymous, specifically Step 3….made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. I ended up making my Twitch Stream today mostly about this step. When I initially entered into the program this step was hard. My sponsor reassured me that it didn’t have to be just the God of the Bible that I turned my will….surrendered to. It had to be a power that wasn’t me. It was me that got me into the mess I was in. Chances were that it wasn’t going to be my own will that was going to get me free. I just had to acknowledge I was powerless over alcohol (among other things of an addictive nature), admit I had a problem and then, most importantly, be WILLING to ask for help….accept help the way it came. What I realized using this program is if you get to the core of why addiction happens there are fewer what’s. A lot of people I met in AA were self medicating – they had a lot of “why’s” they were covering up with alcohol. They needed therapy and either couldn’t get it or would rather have the stigma of being an alcoholic than the stigma that comes with mental illness. When I look at my own life with help and by myself, there were so many why’s to my addictions. I kept trying to fill voids in my life with people, places and things. Many of those voids were of an intangible nature. You can’t put tangible things in the space where only the intangible dwells.

The messages from A Woman’s Spirit today had to do with friendship. The power we learn through the program is we can choose better friends. Here is a thought provoking part of the message:

“We may not have picked our friends carefully in our youth. Many of us felt pressured to hang out with a crowd that didn’t share our values. We frequently lived up to their expectations of us rather than our own. The internal conflict was painful, and we may still suffer from it.”

My choice of friends today reflects the health of my recovery.

________

It’s pretty easy to tell who are true friends are in life. They are the ones who are still there for you and comfort you as you clean up the mess you’ve made. I consider many members of my family also as dear friends! When we are young it feels like we don’t have a great power of choosing – so much is chosen for us!

Speaking of friendship! Last night Astravert did a wonderful collaboration with some fellow musicians on Twitch:

Check out astravert afishinabirdcage bagelrabbit COLLAB https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1433997448