2 Dec 2025 Pushing On

December 3, 2025 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there, how are you as you visit me here? Today was long and kind of lonely but we have pushed through it. To be honest I have been missing having someone to come home to me. Link has me to look forward to coming home. I think of him as home as he rises up on his back legs and frantically taps at the front door waiting for me to come in. I miss my ex everyday but I know that ship has sailed. We were communicating a little bit but if I don’t initiate the communication there is nothing from him. He has moved on and I always hope he’s happier now.

The rest of this post is me reflecting on where I’ve been and where I hope to go:

I miss having a husband but don’t like what you have to go through to get one these days. I tried Tinder and that was a cluster you know what. I ended up with someone who wasn’t good for me and wanted more from me than I could give at the time. I just wasn’t attracted to him and that made him nuts. My taste is what I had in my ex and I totally blew it with my manic episodes! He just got fed up with the person I became when I was in untreated mania.

I always said that if I couldn’t make it work with Kyle I wasn’t going to make it with anyone. He wasn’t a perfect husband but pretty darn wonderful and I blew it. Some say he shouldn’t have divorced me but they don’t understand the spiral that happens with mania. When we were first together he knew I had mental health issues but I was being treated and was on meds that kept the mania at bay. When mania happened the last couple of times I was really doing things that hurt and or upset him. We were breaking things. He got physical with me a couple of times out of extreme frustration and it was after that he went to stay with his parents. When he could see I wasn’t going to get the help I needed he decided a divorce was the only answer. I didn’t take that decision very well! I felt so lost and alone. My everyday was like living in a haunted house. Memories of Kyle were everywhere I went from the house to the neighborhood. I wasn’t plugged in to Jesus yet but thankfully had people who were to talk to. I thank God for my Idaho family who were there for me – praying for me. They are the reason I am where I am today! Jesus used each of them to help me escape the nightmare I was in.

It took me awhile, even after I was out of Texas, to fully recover from the nightmare I was living. My Aunt Ruth and Uncle John handled me with tender care the 6 months I lived with them. I didn’t want to shower with the door shut. I didn’t want to eat meals at the table. I didn’t want to watch television. I walked constantly to combat my anxiety. I had nightmares. I saw versions of Kyle everywhere I went. Everything was a trigger to my thinking of Kyle. We had been married 12 years and I was married 16 years in my first marriage. I had grief and remorse over my first marriage too! Kyle and I committed adultery and I really felt bad about that as did Kyle. I just unraveled after he left me and felt this pulling sensation in the back of my body all the time. It was like the enemy had a hold on me and didn’t want to let go.

It’s been over 5 years now that I’ve been here in Idaho. I am much better than I was. It’s been about 2 years since I decided to accept Jesus as my savior. I finally made the choice that God had been patiently waiting for me to make. With this choice and my saying yes some doors have opened. I have gotten more involved with my church and that has made me some friends. I even got baptized which I didn’t think I would do. Now if he would only heal me from what’s going on in my head and lower back I could be of more use – a better vessel for the Holy Spirit. These conditions have prevented me from volunteering as much as I could be.

The other thing missing is a companion to share the rest of my life with. I have kind of resigned myself to my ending up being alone the rest of my life but I don’t know Gods plans for me about this. If I do fall in love again I want him to share in my love of Jesus and of course Link must approve of whoever he ends up being!

Thank you for reading!

Dear Jesus I pray for this world as fallen as it is that more of the lost will find their way to you. I pray for the poor, sick, mentally and physically in decline. I pray for all leaders in positions of power and influence that your will be done through their words and deeds. I pray for an end to all animal cruelty. I pray for an end to all wars that there would be peace. I pray for all children especially those being abused and or neglected. I pray for the children suffering in war ravaged parts of the world. Thank you. Amen.

22 Aug 2025 UAP’s

August 22, 2025 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, In the News, Mental Health, space, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you. It’s a hot Friday afternoon – 97 degrees but feels hotter. At least it’s a dry heat!Today has been kind of rough for me. Even with taking the Olanzapine (generic Zyprexa) I have been kind of anxious. I would normally take a walk to help alleviate the anxiety but I have been having pain in my lower back and it has prevented me from walking as much. I’ve been using a topical pain relief called Biofreeze but it wears off quickly. I’m afraid to lose the ground I’ve made by walking to lose weight!

Last night before bed I got to thinking it’s been a long time since anything has been said about unidentified aerial phenomena (UAP). Before the election there was all kinds of coverage about it and then the election happened and then nothing! Was it all just a distraction? I was really hoping we were finally going to get some transparency! Wishful thinking right?! I looked to see if there was any current news and most of the articles were from late last year. The fervor of coverage seems to have risen and fallen. What do you think is going on? I am starting to believe whatever momentum that was being made has been squished by the flurry of other activity coming out of the White House. I have been waiting most of my life for the truth to come out about this topic!

Some of the objects seen were like this passage out of Ezekiel:

As I looked at the living creatures, I saw a wheel on the ground beside each creature with its four faces. This was the appearance and structure of the wheels: They sparkled like topaz, and all four looked alike. Each appeared to be made like a wheel intersecting a wheel.

Ezekiel 1:15-21 NIV – Bible.com

6 April 2025 Change and Best Pets

April 7, 2025 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion

What animals make the best/worst pets?

Hello to you. How are you? So much is going on! Be it weather or demonstrators there is a lot of unrest. In my own life I am experiencing change. My church has moved. Last night we gathered at the new location and prayed. I got kind of lost and left early because it was getting dark. Before I left, I prayed with a woman I have a Thursday prayer meeting with, Amy, and her children at the entrance to the building. She was crying and tears fell down her cheeks. So beautiful! This morning the auditorium that seats 900 was almost full! Our prayers the previous night were surely answered! I was a bit overwhelmed as was my elderly friend Roy – the seats were more comfortable but shorter and harder to get up and down in. He sat much of the service. I am not a fan of big crowds so I was a bit out of my comfort zone – I fought the urge I had to flee several times! My friend Jeannie, Roy’s sister-in-law, encouraged me not to give up on things just yet. She was glad I was there so Roy wasn’t alone. I will have to pray about all of this.

I kept thinking of the scene with Mary and Jesus in The Chosen as we read this:

Israel’s Only Savior

43 But now, this is what the Lord says—

he who createdv you, Jacob,

he who formedw you, Israel:x

“Do not fear, for I have redeemedy you;

I have summoned you by name;z you are mine.a

2 When you pass through the waters,b

I will be with you;c

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,d

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.e

Best pets – for me it’s a toss up between dogs and cats. Cats are much more independent but have the litter box thing going on. Dogs are more dependent and have their litter box that you need to clean in the yard! I miss the purring and calm nature of my cats. My Amber used to purr me to sleep and I miss her every night! Link is a barker and that’s not very soothing – everything is his job to alarm me about! I think what makes a better pet is your lifestyle. If you work a lot a dog isn’t for you. That’s why when I was active duty we had cats. I think it’s cruel to leave a dog home alone by itself for hours and hours.

14 Nov 2023 Meeting

November 14, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Movies, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs

Who is the most famous or infamous person you have ever met?

Hello to you. I’m trying to get help with my medication. I’ve been taking more than I have been prescribed and am almost out again. I have just been so anxious and the olanzapine is the only thing that works to help calm me. I might have to go back in to the walk in clinic which sucks as I have to get someone to take me.

The most famous person I have had contact with is Jonathan Rhys Meyers and his wife Mara Lane. I sent him a fan letter and they responded. Which is very rare. The other famous person I saw at an airport was Lyle Alzado of the Oakland Raiders. The team came and sat in the restaurant my ex and I were sitting in. They were so big! Lyle was at his best – before he was sick from steroids. I knew as soon as he was walking by that “he was somebody!”

I need to get better about this!

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

7 Nov 2023 Ants Again

November 7, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? This morning I’m dealing with ants again. I called it in and the earliest they can get here is next Wednesday! I have a way to deal with them for now – vinegar and Dawn soap seems to work. I don’t know why they keep coming in the house.

I am feeling jittery again today. I took some medication to help calm me down and it’s helping but it wears off so quickly. I hate having to rely on medication to have balance in my life. This is is just what my life is now! I have to stay in gratitude and faith.

Proverbs 16:11New International Version

¹¹Honest scales and balances belong to the Lord;
all the weights in the bag are of his making.

30 October 2023 Auntie

October 30, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Describe a family member.

Hello to you. How are you? I’m feeling kind of anxious. I can’t exactly pin point why- which is usually the case when it comes. I have a lot of different things going on that are anxiety provoking right now that I need to be leaning on my faith about! My doctor stopped prescribing what I was taking for anxiety because it was making me gain a whole bunch of weight. So I’m having to deal with the “feels.”

Link was in the groomer mobile getting the works done – she did a great job cleaning up the matting on his arms. He was a good boy!

Todays prompt made me think of alot of people I love but specifically my Auntie. She is thoughtful, spirited, kind and beautiful. When you need someone in your corner she is a great person to have. We have really gotten close these past couple of years with my living here. She has become more than just my Auntie with the adventures we have been on since I moved here. Every year I’ve been here something has been going on! She has become a guardian (angel) too. The other day she and Uncle John brought over chicken soup and orange juice which was so thoughtful! She tries to get me out to do things I don’t normally do or have stopped doing. She loves finding clothes for me as she knows I hate clothes shopping. I consider her a dear friend in addition to a family member!

Ruth 1:16New International Version

¹⁶But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go,and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.

9 October 2023 Favorite Past Time

October 9, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What is your favorite hobby or pastime?

Hello to you. How are you? I am feeling anxious today. I’m planning on spending the day with my Aunt after I get my laundry done. Feeling bad for the people of Israel and all that is going on over there. The world I’m living in is so surreal right now!

My favorite past time that I have held on to over all that I’ve been through is writing. Everything else I used to do – drawing, painting and crocheting has all but shut down. Being on the medication I am on really has closed my creative juices off. Honestly I would rather not be manic and have my life in control than be out of touch with reality.

Psalm 122:6-9New International Version

⁶Pray for the peace of Jerusalem:
“May those who love you be secure.
⁷May there be peace within your walls
and security within your citadels.”
⁸For the sake of my family and friends,
I will say, “Peace be within you.”
⁹For the sake of the house of the Lordour God,
I will seek your prosperity.

24 September 2023 Energy

September 24, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Music, Native American Culture, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What things give you energy?

Hello to you. I am posting a little late. I didn’t get to church this morning as I had trouble sleeping last night. I’m still working on sleeping and being awake. The medication I take before bed is suppose to help me sleep but so far it’s not really doing that! I try to go to bed around 9 pm and am still awake at 2 or 3 am!

Todays prompt is a timely one. I don’t get energy just from food. I get energy from positive people, places and things like music. I suppose you could say it’s a bit of being an energy vampire and an empath. I have been this way much of my life. I think we all are energy vampires- energy beings – in one way or another. We all survive consuming energy be it ambient or solid to live. It’s important to know boundaries and consent. I have been fed on before to the point I near fainted before. The woman that was feeding on me didn’t realize what she was doing and neither did I! I just knew I had to get away from her! I remember breaking out in s sweat and feeling weak.

2 Timothy 1:7New International Version

⁷For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline

1 September 2023 Feeling

September 1, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

How are you feeling right now?

How am I feeling right now? I’m feeling ok. Trying to have a attitude of gratitude. Some days are harder than others to do that. I constantly have a weird pulling in my ears that makes me anxious. It’s very debilitating. I have some things I listen to on YouTube that help- Relax For Awhile with Joan and Jason Stephenson are my favorites.

https://youtu.be/pJWY3Bkkaew?si=gL2ojd3iNlVvA1yR – Panic Attack Talk Down (Relax For Awhile)

https://youtu.be/YBlMI7m89Tg?si=NBprUqyNUsVBqf6E – Guided Sleep Meditation (Jason Stephenson)

Philippians 4:6 NIV – 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

3 August 2023 Prayer Team

August 3, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Music, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you – how are you? I’m just back from meeting with our church’s prayer team. I asked the members to pray for me. I am having problems with my new medication which causes anxiety. I tried to get in touch with my doctors nurse yesterday but was unsuccessful! I was able to get an appointment scheduled earlier which is good.

I’m grateful for our prayer team. Going each Thursday gives me a purpose. I walk there and walk home. Going gives me a reason to pray and connect with Jesus with other followers. There is such a beautiful fellowship. We are up to four members now! Today we had a lot to pray for to include several people that have been missing due to health related issues. Our group leader has a call list and checks on many of the people. Today was our youngest members Briana’s 29th birthday!

1 John 1:7New International Version

⁷But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all^[a]sin.

https://youtu.be/jqlQIJWIT5o – Chris Tomlin Yes and Amen