Category: Mental Health

23 December 2021 Thursday

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. Thank you for visiting me here today. I’m really having trouble collecting my thoughts. This is like try number 5 at trying to write to you! How are you holding up with the holidays?

I’m writing to you from my little life raft I’m sharing with Link aka tiny couch. It’s gray and wet outside and I’m feeling it. When it’s like this I get a mild case of depression. I know it will pass. When I feel this way I just want to be nurtured and there is nobody here to do it! I really miss having a special somebody to do life with. Part of me resists the reality of having to share life with someone again. The complications of everything involved with sharing a life with someone. Everyone tells me that when I find him or he finds me everything will just work itself out. My drawing today is me imagining God manifesting a special someone for me.

There is a plan in the works – I just have to be patient

“I know your out there wandering around just about as lost as me….someday together we will be.”

Check out 23 December 2021 Gray Day chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1241648242

21 December 2021 Evening and 2nd shirt

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
2nd shirt attempt

Hello. It’s evening again and I am feeling lonesome as usual. Figured I would visit with you for a bit. As you can see I did another shirt. I tried a different way of doing it and I think the best way is to draw out the whole design and just gradually paint it. My hands aren’t as steady as they used to be! There are a lot of lines! It’s good I’m using old shirts to start with.

Today I had a good visit with a dear friend I’ve had since I was stationed at what was Falcon AFB CO…..it’s now Shriever AFB. She was kind of feeling like I was. This holiday season has been hard as she lost her mom in October. What helps her is she has a 11 year old son and that has helped her holiday spirit. We both agree there is way too much emphasis on elevating the country’s GDP. It should be about food and family….God. I told her the only gifts I bought this year were bags of food at the grocery store for the local food bank. Talking to her really helped me today – seeing her bright smile and all her dogs helped my spirits.

21 December 2021 Feeling Like A Scrambled Egg

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello….how are you? Hopefully this finds you doing well. I wish I could say everything is ok with me but I’m feeling a little scrambled eggs today. It will pass it always does.

Like my therapist and I talked about yesterday, I’m just not comfortable in my own skin. She shared with me about eneagrams, personality types and played this song for me: https://youth.be/-sO2UMoOaFQ – Sleeping At Last. It’s a song for type 1 personalities and if you cry while listening to it, chances are that’s your personality type. I cried. What came to me at first when I heard it is feeling like I wasn’t enough for my ex husband…..I miss him so much every day. What also came to me is I’m enough for God. With all my flaws and weaknesses….all the ways I have failed I know that no matter what God loves me. God has been there when I have been at my best….at my worst. What I told my therapist is I want God to have hands I can hold. A face I can touch. Arms to hold me. Sadly it just doesn’t work that way. The place I get to feel God is when we are close and my heart gets that glowing warmth. God is the very air we breathe….too big to be contained in a body!

I’m trying to snap myself out of “this” and get on with my day. May be some shirt painting will help ?! I’m wearing the shirt I did last night – pretty happy with it.

As always thank you reader for going on this journey with me!

20 December 2021 Family Party

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, history, Home, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you in your where and when. How are you? I am waking up slowly! Had to blast some Heilung this morning! I’m so grateful for the speaker from my friend. It syncs up with my phone so I can pull up my You tube play list and hear my tunes!

Well yesterday was really nice. We had the family Christmas party over at my Aunt and Uncles house. There were about 20 of us!! It’s a family tradition to get together. My Uncle, who lives in California, catered the meats and some Mac-n-cheese. I got to taste the jalapeño jelly we made earlier in the year and boy does it taste good with cream cheese on ritz crackers! We had a new baby in the mix ! Baby Cove. She is my cousin Heidi’s granddaughter. Very good baby who didn’t seem to mind being passed around and loved on. There were a lot of pictures taken. It was nice to have lots of grandchildren and great grandchildren together. I left before the gift exchange….it was starting to get dark and I have to worry about turning into a pumpkin!

My Auntie and me. It’s been one year now since I moved to Idaho!

The plan for Christmas Eve is Aunt and Uncle are going to pick me up and we are going to church together. We have gone to church before but never on Christmas Eve. It’s a very symbolic thing for us to do as my Mom died on Christmas Eve back in 1968. Auntie and I have never gone to a holiday service together so it will be special! A celebration of life!

I’m still trying to figure out, after all these years, what the holidays mean to me. I don’t know where my place is if that makes sense. I had a little family and we were starting to establish our own traditions and now it’s just Link and I. He had to stay home yesterday because there were too many people. I have trouble with gifts – giving and receiving them. That’s why I have been buying the bags of food at the grocery store for the food bank. I’m surrounded again by people who like to do the gift bit and I don’t quite fit in. I get overwhelmed by “stuff.” Since I live in a tiny house, anything extra can seem like clutter and it drives me nuts! Hopefully over time my family will begin to understand me.

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

19 December 2021 Exchanging Stories

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, In the News, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! It’s Sunday morning as I write to you. I had to kick myself out of bed! It’s gray and no sunshine!! Booo!! I’m looking forward to seeing family today – we’ll make our own sunshine!!

Last night I had a good session on Twitch. I met a young man from the Philippines who had a cold and just wanted to chat. He mentioned that the southern part of his country was being ravaged by a super typhoon called Rai: https://www.accuweather.com/en/hurricane/super-typhoon-rai-hits-philippines-like-a-freight-train/1061450/amp he is fortunate to be living in the north! We swapped spooky stories. His was of being in his parents room and seeing feet in his sisters room. He didn’t investigate whose feet they were until he went downstairs and his whole family was there! When he went back up they were gone! A little later another person came on who is working towards being a psych nurse and I shared a bit of my story with him. I’ve been in the mental health system since 1991 so a person like me has a lot of stories! It was fun talking to them,

Cube for the day

I decided to start a Discord channel after all. We will see how it goes. I’m not real savvy on how it works but giving it a try. A friend of mine asked me the other night what my goal with all this is and it’s pretty simple – to reach people who are going through stuff I’ve been through and help them not feel so alone in this world. There are 7.9 billion people on this planet and yet there are times it can feel like there is no one. Some of us slip through the cracks . I feel that way sometimes even though I have family and friends. Sometimes there are things you can’t talk about with just anyone. They don’t always understand. The other part of this journey I’m taking with Twitch is I love meeting new people and hearing their stories .

God has a plan in all that is happening in my life. I just have to keep taking the next steps!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

https://discord.gg/uG7wQJmx

17 December 2021 Remembering Where You Came From

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, Mental Health, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
Beautiful morning sun

Hello to you – how are you? It’s morning as I write to you. The sun is out!! Yay!! The only bad thing is I can see how filthy my window is and I don’t have a ladder to reach it! I am left wondering how the people that sold me the house kept it so clean?! I’ll figure something out.

Yesterday I did some experimenting on my Twitch channel. I tried to take my viewers on a walk around my block but lost my WiFi signal shortly after I left my house. So that didn’t work. I was thinking of my parents when I did it as they haven’t seen where I live. I guess I would have to use something like a go pro and upload the video. Everything has its limitations.

On the stream last night something came to me. What came to me was to share my experience, strength and hope as if I were chairing an AA meeting. The holidays can be a very difficult time of year for folks that have addiction issues. I have experience with alcohol and food addiction. My experience with alcohol only lasted a couple of years but the anorexia and namely bulemia lasted into my thirties. I haven’t really talked about my journey with bulemia yet. It lasted such a long time!

Some of live with our heart showing

Check out 16 December 2021 Evening visit https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1235501106

I bought some fabric paint online yesterday. I have several “blank” tshirts that I intend on painting. I want to explore having each one having a different variation of Metatrons cube. We will start with one and see how it goes. The thing with painting tshirts is I don’t have to find wall space for a painting – it’s wearable art. You wear it until it gets worn out.

This was a paint kit my friend gave me several months ago. Yesterday I finally got around to using it! What a cheerful message !

I wanted to show you the rock my friend gifted me with – she painted it herself and I think it’s so pretty!

14 December 2021 Sum of the Parts

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you ? It’s a snowy, wet and gray morning. Had to listen to some Heilung this morning to get things started. I like to harmonize and play my drum with groups like them. No words, just sounds. Now I’m sitting here calm with my coffee. My friend texted me about coming to visit today ! I’m looking forward to seeing her!

Last nights Twitch stream was interesting . We talked a little bit about tattoos and I didn’t know this but there is a passage in the Bible that says you shouldn’t do it ! I hope God isn’t too mad at me for my Ichthys (Jesus Fish) and fading chameleon!

Leviticus 19:28New International Version

28 “‘Do not cut(A) your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.

My other viewer chose Revelation 21: 4 which I myself had highlighted as a favorite:

Revelation 21:4New International Version

4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes.(A)There will be no more death’[a](B) or mourning or crying or pain,(C) for the old order of things has passed away.”(D)

As things are coming together in my life lately – The music I listen to, my blog, my spirituality, communicating through Twitch I am seeing myself as many parts and pieces. What I do in my life is I try to see the good in all things. I think that is why I am so confusing to people I know. Most people pick one particular path and don’t see any other and I’m not like that. This is the problem with religions for me. Once you choose a path your discouraged from seeing anything else. I feel like this makes for narrow mindedness. The way I visualize things is we each have a key to this existence… to Gods house. That’s why I feel so close to God outside. All are welcome.

When I read the Bible I am in so much trouble! I have broken some of the Ten Commandments and have tattoos! Thankfully the God of my understanding loves me no matter what. He was there with me when I broke those commandments. He was there with me at the tattoo parlor. My God is with me however high or low. My God has kept up with the times we are in and isn’t into kicking people when they are already down.

I am the sum of many parts. God has made a planet sized home for us and each of us has our own set of keys. Everyone has a different messenger in which to hear their God. The beauty of our existence is that we are all so different! We are biologically incapable of perceiving this life in the same way. Wouldn’t life be so boring if we looked and thought exactly the same ?

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

12 December 2021 Full Life

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. It’s Sunday as I write to you. Listening to Astravert on Twitch doing another one of his awesome improv jams. His music is great to write to. I highly recommend checking him out.

So last night I had my longest stream ever – just over 2 hours! I got to talk to an EMT who has lived so much life for his 25 years of life. He served in the French military for 6 years as a medic and apparently experienced some pretty rough stuff. He lives with his 5 year old German Shepard. He ultimately would like to be a Family Practice doctor with a pilots license – he’s working on getting his pilots license! This young man just amazed me with how much life he’s lived and all that he wants to accomplish. These are some of the people I’m meeting by reaching out on Twitch. That stream got the most views I’ve ever gotten – 28 so far! We talked about movies and also about spirituality. I love talking about matters of the spirit with open minded people. What an honor to talk to one our worlds real super hero’s. EMTs are on the front line in our world. He works in Washington DC so you know he’s probably seen more than his share of trauma. He says it can really wear on him. He talked about getting a call for a suicide and they were too late! It was especially hard as he had lost a brother to suicide. Like I said , I was truly honored to have a visit with such a person!

So many stories to tell! That’s what I’m seeing manifest for my channel . I want to hear other peoples stories and share mine too. Each one of us is a living novel – each day a fresh page.

My prayers go out to all those who recently went through the horrific tornadoes. I kind of stay away from the news but did see that. One of the worst hit was Kentucky.

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

11 December 2021 Cold Saturday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing today? It’s Saturday afternoon as I write. I just got back from forcing myself out to get groceries. I was going to do it tomorrow but changed my mind . I’m glad I did! I got to see a really nice looking man lol ! Im so down for men with long hair. No I didn’t get his number! Ridleys is still remodeling but I think they are getting closer to being done.

There is supposed to be a Christmas parade in a couple hours. Im not sure I want to stand out in the cold for it!

Last night I did a stream on Twitch and met a couple fellows from England. I was really thrilled about that. They wanted some advice about women lol. I did my best. What is happening is I have been getting on and just talking and viewers pop in. It was cool to have viewers that actually wanted to chat – makes it more fun than sitting and talking to myself! I don’t know where this is going but I’m just going with it ! God has a plan. My therapist suggesting my exploring it was a great idea.

“We are all just strangers on a journey to friendship.”

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant