Category: dreams

4 March 2022 Dreams

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, dreams, history, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 4 March 2022 Friday chat (dreams) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1415186521

Hello to you. How are you today? It’s a sunny Friday here in Middleton. It’s a lovely 45 degrees! Spring is definitely in the air!

Last night I experienced a lot of dreams. The first dream was of laying in a bed and looking out into another room of pitch black. It was like I was in another persons body and was struggling to say The Lords Prayer. The person was so scared they could hardly speak the words. I woke up into another dream where I was crying for my Dad. I woke up into yet another dream where my stepmom appeared by the light by my bed asking if I was alright. It was like she was really there. I got out of bed and followed her down a hall. I told her I was worried about Dad and described the first dream I had! It was so comforting for me to see her. There were lots of other dreams but these really stood out because of how they were like having dreams within dreams…thinking your awake but your still sleeping.

Todays Twitch Stream was short. Sometimes it’s like that – short and sweet is all that’s needed. The message from A Woman’s Spirit talked about how some lessons in this life are painful. How occasionally our Higher Power has to get our attention. How we can pray for help to understand these experiences. I look at what is going on in my individual world and realize that I need to keep being more active to combat the pain I’m feeling in my legs. As I look at my life I am realizing that God is starting to ask more of me and gradually I am able to give it. I look at what is going on in the world and see with the crisis that is going on we as a world are pulling together- some of us praying more now than we ever have. We as a world have a common goal of wanting peace and good relations with our neighbors near and abroad. We are once again learning with war how fragile peace is…..how fragile we are. We are learning how much we have in common. Last night I not only prayed for the Ukraine but I prayed for the world- that God will take Putin in hand and set things right again – war isn’t ok! We’ve come too far as a world to resort to such things. What are we supposed to be learning with this conflict?!

“I will experience the calm times and the storms. From both I will discover my purpose.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

Psalm 32:10

Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.

18 February 2022 First Night Trying Doxepin To Sleep

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, drawing, dreams, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 18 February 2022 Friday chat (psalm 18) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1302099821

It’s so frustrating when you want something to work and it doesn’t really!

Hello to you. How are you? It’s Friday….we made it! The sun is shining – yay! It’s been a long week.

Well last night I took Doxepin for a test drive to see if it would help me sleep. I started with one capsule and didn’t feel anything. I took another one and that seemed to help for a short while. I still ended up taking a Hydroxyzine which helped for a couple hours. So frustrating. Apparently doctors don’t like to prescribe Seroquel which I’ve heard people use for sleep: Seroquel and other antipsychotics are particularly dangerous for elderly patients and can lead to aspiration pneumonia, which is a common cause of death in elderly patients. Seroquel also causes significant excessive weight gain, which can be a factor in the development of Type 2 Diabetes.

So Anyhew…..I will keep pressing forward and hope I get enough sleep! I must have slept last night because I had a dream about my dog Spot. She came to me and I was holding her and just crying. I miss her so much. The only way we get to be together is in dreams.

The stream this morning was ok. In the Woman’s Spirit book the message had to do with control. That resonated with me as a I dealt with that issue much of my life. I learned from a very early age the the only thing I really had control of was my body. That’s what the anorexia and bulemia battles were about. I didn’t feel I had control of my life so I took control of my body. What I have had to learn is the tighter you hold on to what you can’t control the more power you give to what you dont want to be happening. It’s hard to let go of feeling like you have to be in control. I was the kind of person at work that would try to do everything because I didn’t trust in the abilities of those around me to get the job done right. I burned myself out big time and obstructed the way for those around me to learn what they needed to learn.

The other part of the stream was psalm 18 – boy was that a long one! I didn’t like it very much because it seemed to be a warrior talking about a battle and God helping him fight it. I don’t like war. In my opinion no one wins a war really. I think of all my fellow veterans and how many of them suffer from PTSD. Even if they are on the “winning side” they still lose so much of themselves. You can’t unsee the horrors of war. You can talk to God, go to church, take medication, go to therapy, exercise and have a healthy diet and still be tormented by what you have been through. Time and distance from what torments seems to be what really helps. Layers of time to bury the past. It frustrates me that there is so much war in the Bible specially when one of the 10 Commandments is thou shall not kill!

“The more I force things, the tougher my life.” – Helen Neujahr (A Woman’s Spirit)

“I don’t need to control anyone today. I am not insecure just as long as I let my Higher Power take charge of my affairs.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

8 January 2022 Up Early

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, dreams, Health, Home, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
Sunrise this morning

Hello to you. How are you? I got up early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. It feels like I didn’t sleep but I known I did! I can remember a dream I kept floating in and out of that had a tribal theme….David Bowie even peeped in. I am still not over this darn cold and this morning I was fretting about my Aunt. She’s scheduled to have knee surgery on the 11th and I’m nervous about it.

Link trying to figure me out this morning

This morning I talked to God and was like “We are going to need the big guns today!” There are days that are like that. Days that you know a power greater than yourself is needed. You just have to ask and be prepared for what unfolds next.

“All I ask of you is to lead me to the next door. It’s not about being rich or being poor. Don’t let me waste my time here in worry and strife. Help me Lord make the most of this life”

7 January 2022 Just Fly

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, dreams, Short stories, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

“Can you teach us how?” chorused the children in the golden oak trees canopy. Above her the night sky sparkled but felt like a secret. Were these fledglings ready? If not now when? She looked into their eyes lit by starlight and whispered, “Raise your hands over your head and jump….just fly.” One by one they did as she said and did just that.

This is based on one of my flying dreams where I was teaching little children how to fly. It’s so easy to fly in dreams.

6 December 2021 Dream Kiss

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, dreams, Mental Health, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good morning from here. I’m writing from bed where it’s warm and cozy! Link and and I haven’t decided to get up and face today yet.

Have you ever had a vivid and really happy dream that ended abruptly and you find yourself trying to go back but you can’t? That’s what happened to me last night. I dreamt I was with this blonde man and we kissed – it felt so real! I woke up disappointed to leave him! Sometimes my dreams feel like real experiences. Sometimes it feels like the only difference between dreams and reality is whether or not my eyes are open.

I am not sure if I’m going to to a video or not today for Twitch. I’m having trouble with content. I’m starting to remember how I used to do my YouTube videos. I would actually write out what I wanted to say – like a script. I don’t know if I want to do that or not. It doesn’t feel as natural if there is a script. I will have to think on this – may be not do a video everyday?

“Do you see me through all the words? Can you hear me when there is no sound? Can you feel me when no one is around? Through the wires and cables from me to you one way or another I’m going to get to you.”

I hope you have a great day! Love and be loved!

15 November 2021 Good night

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, dreams, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello. It’s 1003 pm here as I write. I should be winding down and going to sleep but I can’t for some reason. I feel tired but as soon as the lights are out my eyes pop open. I just lay in the dark awake. Does that happen to you? I have tried a couple different sleep aides but none of them work not even Benadryl! I want a deep sleep with happy dreams! Some of my favorite dreams are when I get to fly. You just jump up and oops there goes gravity!

“Eyes wide shut the dark night pulls it’s strings on the curtain call of this day.”

“She closed her eyes and the sky was a brilliant blue. The sunlight was soft….no clouds. She reached her hands towards the sky and gave a little jump…up up and away she flew. “ That was what happened in one of my flying dreams .

Well I’m going to try and fall asleep again. Goodnight.

10 November 2021 Grandpa

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs
From left to right my Grandpa Harold Becker with his brothers Herman and Robert. Robert turned 100 this year!

I am thinking of my Grandpa today. If you knew him he would have brought a smile to your face. He was always cracking jokes and laughing….”put your money where your mouth is kiddo!”

My Grandpa took his own life due to depression after a stroke back in September of 2000. When I found out he had done this I was worried about his soul. I asked God to show me he was alright and some time later I had this dream. I dreamt that my Grandpa was in my body and we danced! We danced with my first husband Ken. Then we told my Grandma who was his ex wife that I would see her on the other side. He told his wife Charlie that he was sorry for what he had done (taking his own life). Then we tripped and Grandpa popped out of my body. The next thing I saw was him way off in the distance preparing to go into a church. He yelled “there is life after death if you believe in Jesus Christ!” Then I woke up. That dream helped me so much!

I miss my Grandpa but feel certain he is ok. There has always been this belief that if you take your own life you are either going to hell or purgatory. The dream I had seemed to show something else. My Grandpa served God most of his life as a Pastor but after my Mom took her own life he really questioned everything he knew. I believe he lost his faith. He was so tormented about her death. I can remember as a little girl in the dining room of my house in Sioux Falls sitting with Grandpa and his just looking at me and sobbing “I’m so sorry!” I think he gave up on God but God didn’t give up on him. I don’t think my dream was just a coincidence. I asked God if Grandpa was ok and the answer was that he was. He just needed a little help!

“Open my mind God so that I might see that the path is short between you and me.”

4 November 2021 Paralyzed

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi. How are you? It’s still kind of dark as I write to you. I had something happen to me last night that was pretty scary. I had a bad dream and was in between being awake and asleep when I felt like I couldn’t move! My eyes were open and I was thinking because I couldn’t speak. “ Please don’t do this!” My feet were kicking trying to get free but my upper body was paralyzed. It lasted for a couple of minutes. It felt like someone was in the room with me besides Link but I couldn’t see anyone. Link didn’t bark but just ended up getting out of bed because my feet’s frantic movement scared him.

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways” psalm 91:11

I can remember begging to see and talk to my guardian Angel. I was in my living room in Texas about 5 of so years ago now. I had tears in my eyes and I begged to see him. I had asked before that day what his name was and I heard the name Deegan which means “black haired one.” What happened the next four years was like a dress rehearsal for dying. People who have had near death experiences talk about having full life reviews. I was having that kind of experience over and over. Trying to riddle out using objects in my house, my entire life. It destroyed my entire life as I knew it. That combined with my refusing to take medication and go to the hospital. I just couldn’t stop thinking or talking. In the spirit realm they don’t get tired…. there was always just one more thing. I couldn’t rest.

Was what I went through just psychosis or did my Angel show me why we could never meet in the mortal coil?

What I went through always ended with me screaming and yelling at a POW flag I had bought. It symbolized 9/11 and war. I felt so much rage! That event in our shared history hurt me so much!

There is an in between world and I have been in it. I felt during my last episode that I was a living ghost vessel. Spirits seemed to use me both positive and negative. Some days all I did was yell. Others was just crying. Others was just hearing voices when I spoke that were not mine. One day an energy that identified as the singer Chris Cornell “took me to get groceries and we bought flowers.” I was driving the car but in my minds eye he was driving. When I checked out I could hear his voice not mine. It was like all these energies of living and dead were “on top” of mine. They kept keeping me down because all I would do is cry. This all happened after my husband left me.

Two of the most exhausting energies that came through were a Hitler and what I call “The Joker.” I was either yelling all the time in a tone like Hitler or finding absolutely every side to any issue you could think of. I was even doing that side tongue lick Heath Ledger did for his potrayal of the Joker. I would go in my bedroom closet and just go on and on! One energy was with me the longest and that was Jesus. He claimed to have been with me since my psychic explosion on 2 November 2002. I was speaking some kind of language I vaguely understood. My husband would get so frustrated with me talking to the tv in “gibberish.”

The reason I’m sharing all this is to give some insight into what I went through after asking to see my guardian. Not all of mental illness is just mental illness. What I went through is like my guardian got relieved of their post! I became like a plaything for the spirit world, the in between. Because I didn’t have a grounded faith I was fair game!

If I can impress upon you anything about what I’ve shared here believe in something and stick to it! What’s happened to me is my concept of God is EVERYTHING! So everything that happens to us good and bad, positive and negative is all of God. It’s easier to comprehend Jesus, Buddha, Allah and Shiva as individual representations of God than to believe in a God that is ALL things. Jesus is merciful and kind whereas his father isn’t always . I am currently working on my faith . I don’t want what happened to me in 2015 on to happen again.

2 November 2021 Questions

by saymber, posted in dreams, history, In the News, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), space, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there. How are you? I’m feeling really tired but know I won’t be able to go back to sleep. For the past couple weeks I just haven’t been able to sleep well. It happens to a lot of us I think, especially when we get older.

So first thing this morning I got groceries at our local Ridleys. It was a little tricky getting around the store as they are doing a pretty big renovation/reorganization of the store. It should be really nice when it’s done!

The past couple days I’ve been watching You tube videos about aliens and UFOs. It makes me think of the dream I had when I was in the hospital. It was so vivid. I was laying on a table and there were two Gray aliens. I can remember screaming at them “What did you do to my face?!’” I could see myself and half of my face was a Gray alien! Then I saw my dog Spot and she was looking outside and barking but nothing was there. The dream was felt more like a memory than a dream. Weird huh?!!

When I think of aliens and UFOs I think of how much trouble we have still to this day of peacefully coexisting with life forms that are different than ourselves. Even in the year 2021 we fight amongst ourselves. If I was an alien species I would be very reluctant to show up on the White House lawn too!

I have so many questions for them! How long have they been watching us? Can they help us save this planet?!

Do you think we are being visited by beings from other galaxies? Have life forms learned how to fold space and time and travel in between? Lots of questions and still few answers!

https://youtu.be/64s8ujoydRM – one of the documentaries I’ve watched

24 October 2021 Sunday

by saymber, posted in dreams, Home, Leading Life by Example, Money, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you? As I write to you it’s gray and wet. We are getting some much needed rain. I took some extra Vitamin D this morning to help out with SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I just want to hibernate like a big ol grizzly when the seasons change. It’s dark by 7 pm right now and the lights don’t really come back on til around 8 am!

So I’m hoping my drum arrives today. A friend of mine said his Amazon delivery hasn’t showed up . It was supposed to be at his place yesterday. I imagine this is the supply chain problem?!! It would be nice if they let people know there was a delay! A positive side to the delay is it gives me more time to think about things!

I had trouble falling asleep last night. I kept hearing drums in my head! I kept imagining the lawn chairs on my porch being filled with people playing a drum or some other musical instrument . Then my thoughts got bigger. They expanded out to seeing a group of people meeting at one of our local parks. I could see a community of like minded souls praising God together outside or inside if there was a place to do it.

“Start small. If you grow too big too fast you’ll fall.”

Is this a God thing? When your someone like me you have to be careful that passions aren’t just mania manifesting itself. I don’t want to plant this seed, in this case put money down to start a Meetup Group, and then lose interest. Judging by the fact there aren’t any groups for Middleton I’m nervous that I’m not going to reach the people here. I guess this is a time for faith. A belief in what can’t be seen. If this is God at work I have nothing to worry about and just have to practice what I preach! Patience!!