God – Page 51

31 January 2022 Monday

January 31, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 31 January 2022 Monday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1282260826

Hello to you. How are you today? Did you get some sleep? I got some but it was still a struggle. When I take the Hydroxyzine it acts a lot like Benadryl. I will get drowsy and fall asleep for a couple of hours and then I wake up and can’t go back to sleep. This morning I’m having some anxiety but it will pass. It always does.

Had a good stream this morning. I was up early so ended up talking about a lot of stuff on my own before having viewers come in. We had a new person visit and that was a lot of fun!

Yesterday I went over to my Aunt and Uncles and caught the end of the Bengals and Kansas City Chiefs game. It was hard for us to figure out what the KC’s quarterback was doing three plays in a row. My Uncle suspects he wanted to be the one to get the winning touchdown. It seemed like that anyways! I don’t watch football much. Guess the Super Bowl will be on my cousin and my birthday (the 13th).

“My confidence will not waver today if I remember to let God help me handle each responsibility” (A Woman’s Spirit)

30 January 2022 Feeling Like a Seat Warmer

January 30, 2022January 30, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 30 January 2022 Sunday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1281299640

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I hope we’ll. It’s Sunday and I woke up feeling pretty good so I decided to go to Grace Bible Circle in Middleton. I was feeling some anxiety after I got there but I found pressure points on my hands this morning that helped me out with that!

The messages today had to do with the revival of the church. Pastor Jason spoke specifically about the vision he and the church team have about that. How to minister to and reach more people. How this area is growing so much they may have to have more than one service. What they want to do with the office on Main Street. Even doing outreach to the kids that pass by from the high school! A sports program. Life groups and Bible study. He talked about so much! I found myself feeling really overwhelmed. There is so much need! Sometimes it’s all I can do to even show up much less commit to things. I also felt like a seat warmer. That’s what we used to call people in recovery that showed up to meetings but were not active in the fellowship.

Sometimes I feel like a bit of a fraud when I go to church. Like I’m not there for the right reasons. I’m not sure if I belong. A lot of it has to do with me not being comfortable going on my own. I’m surrounded by couples and families with children. Everybody seems to know each other.

I guess all I can do is the next right things as they present themself. For some reason I am going to this church! May be God will show me some way I can go beyond just warming a chair on Sunday.

29 January 2022 Saturday

January 29, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Movies, Music, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 29 January 2022 Saturday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1280050945

Hello. How are you today? I hope good. I’m feeling pretty good. I got some sleep and that makes the world of difference!

First drawing in my new sketchbook today

The Twitch stream this morning was good. I got a chance to talk about some things I hadn’t talked about before. For example some of what was going on with media and my brain when I had all those manic episodes. How it’s really important to be mindful of what you feed your mind, body and spirit. When I was having manic episodes my brain didn’t differentiate between fantasy and reality. The two worlds merged and I was in the middle. I feel “content creators” in this world have a responsibility for what they put into this world. Over time, if we look, there has been a lot of trash packaged for consumption that may be should have just been left to being a thought, a dream…. a nightmare. There are people like me that have had psychotic breaks and start talking to things like television sets!

Another thing I talked about along the line of content creation is motive. As a content creator what is my motive for my creation? Is it to make a lot of money? Garner attention and fame? Influence people? Why am I doing it? For me personally it’s for several reasons. Making the videos and writing this blog is very therapeutic. It helps me not be lonely for a little while. It’s also my hope when I’m doing these things that somebody will get something out of it. That something will resonate with them and they will be able to use it to help themselves of somebody else. My motives are pure. I’m not looking for money or fame from doing what I do. Honestly I don’t think that is Gods plan for me. In the past when money has come into play with crafts and stuff I’m doing it has tainted it….the purity is lost. Bottom line is as a person putting “stuff” into the atmosphere people live in it’s important to check your motives at the door!

23 January 2022 Lingering

January 23, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello to you. How are you? It’s Sunday again and the skies are gray again. It was nice to get a little relief yesterday! I’m not feeling 100% this morning. I keep feeling nauseous. I took some Pepto Bismal, some peppermint tea and a piece of bread and things have settled down. My Aunt and I were trying to decide if we should go to church this morning and decided against it. There is so much crud going around ! I just feel like whatever I had is still lingering!

We are just living in surreal times aren’t we?!!

“Come spirit come my comforter in times of distress. Wrap your light and love around me that I might find rest.”

22 January 2022 Saturday

January 22, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello to you. How are you? It’s another sunny morning and I’m digging it! This morning when I was doing my Twitch stream it felt so good on my face!

On the stream this morning I read from the Big Book and specifically Chapter 5 How It Works which is where you find the 12 Steps of the AA program. Being a part of AA not only helped me deal with alcohol but other addictions I was facing in my life. One of those addictions was shopping for jewelry – a very expensive habit! Another was compulsively picking at my skin. What I discovered with the programs help is I was doing things, using things to self medicate bigger underlying problems. Acknowledging I had become powerless over my own life was one of those important steps I took. For the blessing of recovery it’s important to continue to pay it forward!

I have a fair amount of traffic on my recorded streams which gives me the opportunity to help others while I’m helping myself. It’s been my experience that we don’t go through things for no reason be it good or not so good. When I stream when I’m having trouble it’s my hope that something about what I’m going through will help somebody else. It’s the same hope I’ve always had for my blog. I hope something I’m sharing will resonate. Something will be a message someone needs to hear in that moment. We are all messengers for someone!!

The past couple days I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety – just being uncomfortable in my body. One of the things I do to help myself now is I start a Twitch livestream and just walk and talk in my house. I used to have family and friends I would call and just go for a walk but I don’t really have that anymore. So I am having to soothe myself and using Twitch is helping me do that. It helps me with my chronic loneliness too. I’m not exactly sure what the trigger is for the anxiety but it kind of comes out of nowhere and just washed over me! I’m just glad I have a tool to help me feel better. Usually someone gets on after awhile and I have someone to visit with which helps too.

21 January 2022 Friday

January 21, 2022January 21, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hi there. It’s Friday and there is sunshine for the first day in several days! Yay!!

After I finish this I will have to get myself dressed and take Link and I for a walk. So grateful to see the sun.

My Aunt shared an interesting article with me this morning that talks a bit about some things they are finding out about the after affects of having Covid: https://www.upi.com/Health_News/2022/01/20/COVID-19-brain-fog/4131642691942/ My cousin, her daughter and me have been experiencing things like light headedness, dizziness, fatigue, brain fog and more anxiety than usual. If you have had Covid May be something will resonate with you. I just want to feel like myself again! Even after over two weeks I’m still not 100%. Oh and for folks in the states you can get four free Covid tests: https://www.covidtests.gov/

Message from A Woman’s Spirit book for today: We do not have to get caught in the middle of other people’s issues – Melody Beattie

What are you grateful for today? Gosh I am grateful for so much! God, Link, family and friends, sunshine, a roof over my head, food, clean water, heat, electricity, Twitch – so many little things! It’s important to remember that it’s mostly little things that make up a life! I hope if you read this and your having a rough time that you can pull out a mental gratitude list.

Astravert is doing a fundraiser for pancreatic cancer today: Check out JAMATHON for Pancreatic Cancer Research – !PancOneAmbassador https://www.twitch.tv/astravert

14 January 2022 Friday

January 14, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Music, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant – me talking about stuff

Check out FriYAY Coffee & Jamz | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert – improv guitar

Watch https://twitch.tv/jaynerio with me on Twitch! JayneRio – singing

Watch https://twitch.tv/newbaroque with me on Twitch! newbaroque – violin

Hello – it’s good morning from here as I write to you. I’m listening to Astravert which is helping with some of the anxiety I had this morning. I tried the Hydroxyzine as my doctor recommended last night and I’m not sure about it. We will see! I hate the getting to know you period when it comes to trying new medications! My body is really sensitive. It didn’t make me sleepy like most antihistamines do. My Aunt said she reacted the same way on it. I didn’t sleep very well last night.

The sun is starting to shine through my front windows….it’s a new day. Feels good. I’m sitting on my little life raft with my special boy Link and not sure what today will bring. I’m trying to stay in a space of gratitude. The sketchbooks came yesterday. Turns out they are real small lol! Oh well they will get used. Part of me wishes I had ordered the tshirts so I would have something to paint.

I wanted to mention that last night I was happy to see New Baroque on his channel and he seemed to be doing well. It seemed like whatever happened got worked out. At least I hope so!

“Fellow travelers are you weary? Have the torments of this day made you teary? Wipe your eyes. Don’t believe the lies. Stay in the fight don’t lose your light.”

12 January 2022 Why?

January 12, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Yesterday when I was streaming on Twitch I got to talking about there being a reason for everything. Even if at the time it doesn’t make sense. So many times seemingly senseless things have happened and the first question was “WHY?!!” Then you look at the whole picture and oftentimes you get an “aha!” moment.

When I was spending a lot of time in my backyard in Texas I learned so much from the trees, flowers and insects….from simple blades of grass and dried leaves. I can remember sitting on the bandstand we had and pointing at a blade of grass or dandelion and just thinking to God “what do you want to do with that?” Something would always happen. The wind would blow. Sometimes an insect would show up. I felt like God was showing me that every single “piece” was accounted for. There was a plan for even a humble blade of grass. This got me thinking about the entirety of existence…..countless pieces of this existence all having a purpose. The intelligence I felt of God was everywhere and in everything. I was shown battles even in the seemingly gentle plant kingdom. There would be a prickly weed gradually surrounded by the “softer” plants. Kind of like a neighborhood ganging up together against a bully! All of this going on in my little backyard. I miss my nature friends. I feel like in the moments I had there was a glimpse into the why of things.

Even those things we perceive as having no purpose do indeed have one…..I asked!

Some may say it was just a coincidence what I experienced but it happened over and over again- no coincidence. I miss those moments of feeling so plugged into God….into existence. Every place that I’ve lived I have found an outside “church.” I miss Alvarado but have faith that I’m where I am right now for a reason and a new natural place of worship will present itself. The “why” of my being here will reveal itself.

12 January 2022 Asking

January 12, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello to you how are you in your today? I hope we’ll. This morning I had to ask for a little extra help….mornings are just rough. I asked the Holy Spirit to be with me and after I asked I truly felt his presence. I felt a warmth emanating from my chest. Like I was saying on my Twitch stream yesterday – the Holy Spirit is real and you can have a personal relationship you just have to ask.

I’ve really been using Twitch lately as a tool to help myself help others. It’s kind of like chairing an AA meeting of one (sometimes) and sharing your experience, strength and hope. For a long time I’ve felt that even if I reach one person, even if it’s just myself sometimes then I’ve done well. A lot of times I get on to stream and there is only one viewer! Lately there have been a couple views on the videos after I do them which means a lot. I noticed that Twitch only keeps a couple weeks worth of videos.

The Holy Spirit is for real! Music helps so much! Thinking of Twitchers Jayne Rio , Astravert and New Baroque

Embrace the day – it was made just for you

11 January 2022 Finding Ways To Soothe Yourself

January 11, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello. How are you ? I’m doing better this morning – yesterday was really rough. I kept having panic attacks. I did a lot to try and soothe myself. I prayed, I went for several walks, blogged with a drawing, vlogged on Twitch a couple of times, even found a streamer that was streaming playing World of Warcraft. When evening rolled around I was starting to feel better. Talking to my cousin and a friend helped too.

I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and my medicine doctor on Thursday in person. The Zyprexa that is for anti-anxiety isn’t working for me. It has the opposite effect! This morning after I took lithium it seemed to help avert another day like yesterday. We will get this figured out!

Like I was talking about in my Twitch post yesterday, sometimes the things I used to have in my sanity toolkit aren’t there anymore or don’t work like they used to. Life changes. People change. So I sometimes have to use everything! This morning I found a deal on sketchbooks so I ordered them – drawing is definitely a tool in my toolkit!

Right now something that is soothing me is writing and listening to a musical artist I’ve mentioned before named Astravert – he’s streaming right now. He’s getting quite a following. I don’t know of anybody that does what he does – an improv mystic rock: Check out Tuesday Bluesday | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert

Something else that just soothed me was talking to my Aunt. She’s going to be having knee surgery on the 13th (I thought it was the 11th) and we both needed to have each other’s comfort and peace …to be instruments of Gods love for each other. Hearing her voice made my day brighter. I told her hearing her voice makes me feel at home.

I’m sorry if my post isn’t very cohesive today. Sharing all this with you in this way is helping me stay calm and centered. May be someone reading this will resonate with all this. Do you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? What works best for restoring you to you? I’d love to hear from you.