2 Dec 2025 Pushing On

December 3, 2025 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there, how are you as you visit me here? Today was long and kind of lonely but we have pushed through it. To be honest I have been missing having someone to come home to me. Link has me to look forward to coming home. I think of him as home as he rises up on his back legs and frantically taps at the front door waiting for me to come in. I miss my ex everyday but I know that ship has sailed. We were communicating a little bit but if I don’t initiate the communication there is nothing from him. He has moved on and I always hope he’s happier now.

The rest of this post is me reflecting on where I’ve been and where I hope to go:

I miss having a husband but don’t like what you have to go through to get one these days. I tried Tinder and that was a cluster you know what. I ended up with someone who wasn’t good for me and wanted more from me than I could give at the time. I just wasn’t attracted to him and that made him nuts. My taste is what I had in my ex and I totally blew it with my manic episodes! He just got fed up with the person I became when I was in untreated mania.

I always said that if I couldn’t make it work with Kyle I wasn’t going to make it with anyone. He wasn’t a perfect husband but pretty darn wonderful and I blew it. Some say he shouldn’t have divorced me but they don’t understand the spiral that happens with mania. When we were first together he knew I had mental health issues but I was being treated and was on meds that kept the mania at bay. When mania happened the last couple of times I was really doing things that hurt and or upset him. We were breaking things. He got physical with me a couple of times out of extreme frustration and it was after that he went to stay with his parents. When he could see I wasn’t going to get the help I needed he decided a divorce was the only answer. I didn’t take that decision very well! I felt so lost and alone. My everyday was like living in a haunted house. Memories of Kyle were everywhere I went from the house to the neighborhood. I wasn’t plugged in to Jesus yet but thankfully had people who were to talk to. I thank God for my Idaho family who were there for me – praying for me. They are the reason I am where I am today! Jesus used each of them to help me escape the nightmare I was in.

It took me awhile, even after I was out of Texas, to fully recover from the nightmare I was living. My Aunt Ruth and Uncle John handled me with tender care the 6 months I lived with them. I didn’t want to shower with the door shut. I didn’t want to eat meals at the table. I didn’t want to watch television. I walked constantly to combat my anxiety. I had nightmares. I saw versions of Kyle everywhere I went. Everything was a trigger to my thinking of Kyle. We had been married 12 years and I was married 16 years in my first marriage. I had grief and remorse over my first marriage too! Kyle and I committed adultery and I really felt bad about that as did Kyle. I just unraveled after he left me and felt this pulling sensation in the back of my body all the time. It was like the enemy had a hold on me and didn’t want to let go.

It’s been over 5 years now that I’ve been here in Idaho. I am much better than I was. It’s been about 2 years since I decided to accept Jesus as my savior. I finally made the choice that God had been patiently waiting for me to make. With this choice and my saying yes some doors have opened. I have gotten more involved with my church and that has made me some friends. I even got baptized which I didn’t think I would do. Now if he would only heal me from what’s going on in my head and lower back I could be of more use – a better vessel for the Holy Spirit. These conditions have prevented me from volunteering as much as I could be.

The other thing missing is a companion to share the rest of my life with. I have kind of resigned myself to my ending up being alone the rest of my life but I don’t know Gods plans for me about this. If I do fall in love again I want him to share in my love of Jesus and of course Link must approve of whoever he ends up being!

Thank you for reading!

Dear Jesus I pray for this world as fallen as it is that more of the lost will find their way to you. I pray for the poor, sick, mentally and physically in decline. I pray for all leaders in positions of power and influence that your will be done through their words and deeds. I pray for an end to all animal cruelty. I pray for an end to all wars that there would be peace. I pray for all children especially those being abused and or neglected. I pray for the children suffering in war ravaged parts of the world. Thank you. Amen.

16 Nov 2025 Testimony

November 17, 2025November 17, 2025 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How has your day been? I hope well. Today began with going to church at Grace Bible Church in Middleton. The past couple of Sundays we have gotten to hear how loving Jesus has transformed peoples lives and gotten them through difficult times. Today my friend Jeannie was on the big screen and she was wonderful. Tragedy has struck her family more than once but yet her faith has not wavered! Ironically her name is Jeannie like my Mom and she lost one of her daughters to suicide. Her other daughter was in a bad accident on a 4 wheeler.

Jeannie giving her testimony on the big screen

We were in Philippians 4 today:

Thanks for Their Gifts

¹⁰I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Pastor Jason emphasized that relying on finding joy for anything outside of Jesus would eventually fail us. This is so true – Jeannie’s testimony echoed this. Her faith was strong enough, deep enough to get her through horrible tragedies. How deep does the well go she both asked and answered in her testimony. Contentment in any circumstance is a choice. No matter what life throws at us we don’t have to go it alone. My own life experience speaks to this. After all I went through these past few years the people I relied on could only lead me to the unwavering and unconditional love of Jesus.

After church I decided to have breakfast at the Sunrise and I’m glad I did. I met a widow of seven years named Christine. She sat in the made for two table next to mine. I asked her if she had a church home and she said she used to when her husband was alive. He used to help put the directory together and she helped out in the kitchen. I made a plug for Grace but it sounded like she was waiting for another church to be built to go to. I told her we meet at the auditorium at the Middle Creek high school. This by chance meeting felt a little like a mission God used to send me on frequently when I lived in Texas. May be I’m what she needed to see and hear today. May be I planted some good seed even if she chooses another church. Had I gone grocery shopping as I had originally planned we would not have met! God truly uses each of us to be his body!

10 Nov 2025 Never Alone

November 11, 2025 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. I hope you are doing well as you visit me here. If you’re struggling just know that I’m praying for you and you are never truly alone. There are people like me all over the world who pray for those who feel like they have no one that cares. Don’t be afraid to reach out! I always feel better when I do it.

When I was younger I can remember having crying fits when I felt alone. I would just sob and be inconsolable. Then all the sudden I would feel this soothing warmth envelope me. It felt like a big warm hug! Was it divine comfort? I wonder sometimes!

I was married 28 years of my 57 years to two very different men. I never really had to live alone before getting married. When I was active duty I lived in dormitories and usually had a roommate. These past few years of living alone has been hard at times. We are not meant as human beings to be alone. Becoming part of a church has made all the difference. There are warm greetings, big hugs and smiles at least once or twice a week. Having family close has helped also. When we lived in Texas we had Kyle’s family but they didn’t live real close. My family here is so supportive, loving and kind! My Aunt Ruth and Uncle John are dear friends as well as family. They frequently invite me over to share meals and watch our favorite shows and movies. I also have three cousins and their children who surround me with love. I am very blessed! God definitely works through those he has put in my life.

Tomorrow is Veterans Day and my cousin and I are planning on going out to eat. Many restaurants here have free meals on Veterans Day. Our going out together is becoming our tradition. My cousin Tony is someone very special to me. He’s the one who didn’t hesitate when I reached out for help leaving Texas 5 years ago. He and his wife Tawna shared their faith with me and really have brought the living Jesus into my life. Tony is definitely proof to me of Gods goodness and proof I am not alone on this journey.

20 Oct 2025 Women’s Coffee

October 20, 2025 by saymber, posted in Home, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you. Hope your day is going well. I was late but right on time to the Woman’s Coffee today at Grace House. I wasn’t going to go but God wouldn’t let me rest about it. Missy always makes me feel so welcome as do the other ladies. Sometimes you just need to be with other women! We talked about being a Mary or a Martha in our lives. We talked about things you try to help a teenager who has a lot of questions about God. I felt just by her sharing and the feedback we gave her God was at work to help her. We prayed for dear Charlottes sick dog Annie. Charlotte left us in tears as she had to take Annie to the vet. I’m glad I went! I usually am it’s just the going! I didn’t sleep very well last night – that’s why I didn’t want to get up and go. I always feel bad for Link because he always gets disturbed with my tossing and turning.

Isaiah 41:10New International Version

¹⁰So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

3 Aug 2025 Thank You and Babby Farms

August 3, 2025 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion

Hello to you! Hope this finds you well. Today has been a really good day. It began with church and a message that gave us the opportunity to thank those who God has worked through to get us where we are in our walk of faith:

2 Corinthians 3:3New International Version

³You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

As we left the service we were able to take a notecard to write a thank you note. What was nice about this is after church I was going to spend some time with one of my earth angels and friend who along with her husband, my cousin, have been instrumental in my walk with Jesus. I wrote a loving note to her and my cousin and got to see the impact it made! I gave her something she can refer back to in trying times.

We went to the Sunrise for breakfast and it was good as always. Then we drove out to Babby Farms in Caldwell. The admission wasn’t bad we got a military discount. It was quite hot out in the open so we enjoyed the shady spots for a breezy sit down. They had horses and various livestock some you could hand feed and some not. The ones you could feed were really eager to eat out of your hands! They had two camels with double humps that we watched for awhile. We walked the enclosure that had kangaroos and Tawna wanted so much to touch them but we didn’t. The place had a whole inside exhibit with marmosets, parrots, bats and fish and much more. Just when you thought you had seen everything there was more! There was a gray horse Tawna fell in love with – she gave them extra loves!

The gray horse that Tawna fell in love with

It was so nice to get to spend time with my dear friend and see some place new. The drive out to where Babbys is located was very rural and nice. You didn’t see all the land up for sale and I hope it stays that way! Nice to see lots of fields of farmland.

6 April 2025 Change and Best Pets

April 7, 2025 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion

What animals make the best/worst pets?

Hello to you. How are you? So much is going on! Be it weather or demonstrators there is a lot of unrest. In my own life I am experiencing change. My church has moved. Last night we gathered at the new location and prayed. I got kind of lost and left early because it was getting dark. Before I left, I prayed with a woman I have a Thursday prayer meeting with, Amy, and her children at the entrance to the building. She was crying and tears fell down her cheeks. So beautiful! This morning the auditorium that seats 900 was almost full! Our prayers the previous night were surely answered! I was a bit overwhelmed as was my elderly friend Roy – the seats were more comfortable but shorter and harder to get up and down in. He sat much of the service. I am not a fan of big crowds so I was a bit out of my comfort zone – I fought the urge I had to flee several times! My friend Jeannie, Roy’s sister-in-law, encouraged me not to give up on things just yet. She was glad I was there so Roy wasn’t alone. I will have to pray about all of this.

I kept thinking of the scene with Mary and Jesus in The Chosen as we read this:

Israel’s Only Savior

43 But now, this is what the Lord says—

he who createdv you, Jacob,

he who formedw you, Israel:x

“Do not fear, for I have redeemedy you;

I have summoned you by name;z you are mine.a

2 When you pass through the waters,b

I will be with you;c

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,d

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.e

Best pets – for me it’s a toss up between dogs and cats. Cats are much more independent but have the litter box thing going on. Dogs are more dependent and have their litter box that you need to clean in the yard! I miss the purring and calm nature of my cats. My Amber used to purr me to sleep and I miss her every night! Link is a barker and that’s not very soothing – everything is his job to alarm me about! I think what makes a better pet is your lifestyle. If you work a lot a dog isn’t for you. That’s why when I was active duty we had cats. I think it’s cruel to leave a dog home alone by itself for hours and hours.

10 Jan 2025 Sisters of Grace

January 10, 2025 by saymber, posted in Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you this quiet Friday afternoon. I hope this finds you well. There are a lot of people not doing well – living some kind of tragedy and my prayers are with all of you. I wanted to mention that my Aunts granddaughter is giving me a stationary bike tomorrow which will help me in my goal of getting more exercise! So grateful!

This morning was an early one as I joined my Aunt Ruth and several ladies from her church that they call The Sisters of Grace. We enjoyed bell players and a very powerful testimony of one of their members. There was lots of good food to include a coffee cake my Aunt made from scratch. The testimony was from a woman named Eliza and I could tell it was hard for her to tell some of it. She was a victim of generational trauma and had been involved with drugs, gangs, trafficking and even spent some time in prison before completely turning her life to Jesus. Now she and her husband lead Celebrate Recovery and a Deliverance and Healing Ministry. The chains of trauma have been broken for her and her children.

I always am moved almost to tears when I am with these women. Most of them are retired and many are widows. This fellowship helps all of us. The times I feel most like crying is when we sing together. There is something about it that makes me think of what heaven may be like- a collection of dear friends gathered singing eternal praise to Jesus. I get that way at church too – especially when I hear children singing along with the grown ups.

Matthew 18:20New International Version

²⁰For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

30 October 2023 Auntie

October 30, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Describe a family member.

Hello to you. How are you? I’m feeling kind of anxious. I can’t exactly pin point why- which is usually the case when it comes. I have a lot of different things going on that are anxiety provoking right now that I need to be leaning on my faith about! My doctor stopped prescribing what I was taking for anxiety because it was making me gain a whole bunch of weight. So I’m having to deal with the “feels.”

Link was in the groomer mobile getting the works done – she did a great job cleaning up the matting on his arms. He was a good boy!

Todays prompt made me think of alot of people I love but specifically my Auntie. She is thoughtful, spirited, kind and beautiful. When you need someone in your corner she is a great person to have. We have really gotten close these past couple of years with my living here. She has become more than just my Auntie with the adventures we have been on since I moved here. Every year I’ve been here something has been going on! She has become a guardian (angel) too. The other day she and Uncle John brought over chicken soup and orange juice which was so thoughtful! She tries to get me out to do things I don’t normally do or have stopped doing. She loves finding clothes for me as she knows I hate clothes shopping. I consider her a dear friend in addition to a family member!

Ruth 1:16New International Version

¹⁶But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go,and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.

20 October 2023 Lazy Days

October 21, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. God has been at the wheel of the stuff I’ve been going through lately – extremely grateful for the prayers of family, friends and even strangers! My Aunt met a elderly veteran who gave her this cross for me and said he would pray for me. The wagons of Gods people have been rallied! I’m so, so grateful!

I don’t usually wear crosses because of what they represent – the murder of an innocent man but understand what it means in Christianity.

When I think of todays prompt I think of my life right now gradually getting in place. It’s taken me three years to get where I’m at. Many of the days leading up to this one were littered with fear, sadness and grief – lack of faith! A lot of my days have not very productive and could be perceived as lazy days. I was in such a state of shock leaving Texas. I have been retired from active duty longer than I was in (21 years). When I was active duty I burned the candle at both ends. I was usually the one leadership turned to when a program was a mess. I worked a lot of long days cleaning up messes. Lazy days meant more to me then they do now. I don’t have a specific purpose when I wake up each day! When I was active duty I was up at 4:30 am and worked til after 5.

I haven’t completely found a fit for me here yet in being useful again. A lot of what holds me back is driving. I hate driving! When I was married, Kyle used to always drive and I got used to that after 12 years! I was spoiled! I keep my eyes open for things I can do – little things. When my back is not hurting I would like to help set up at the church again. I don’t want to feel like I’m wasting the gift of my life. A lot of people I’ve known haven’t even lived as long as I have.

One of my favorite passages from the Bible – makes me think of a Palladian (class I played in FFXI video game). In these trying times we must put on our armor!

Ephesians 6:10-13New International Version

The Armor of God

¹⁰Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

2 June 2023 Friendship

June 2, 2023 by saymber, posted in Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What quality do you value most in a friend?

Hello to you. It’s Friday again – the week went fast! Todays prompt is a pretty easy one. The trait I look for the most in a friend is honesty. I value people in my life that tell the truth even if it’s someone thing I don’t want to hear. The worst thing a friend of mine can do is lie to me! One of the Ten Commandments is about lying:

Exodus 20:16New International Version

¹⁶“You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.