Tag: faith

6 March 2022 Sunday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 6 March 2022 Sunday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1417332045

Windy but sunny Sunday

Hello to you. How has your weekend been? It’s been kind of busy for me the past couple of days. Yesterday the church I go to needed help setting up so I went and helped. It’s something I can do even if my legs and back haven’t been being so friendly lately! Helping yesterday made me realize how much is going on behind the scenes to keep things going!

Later on my Aunt and I got together. We kind of just drove around Middleton. She drove me past the house the church is leasing for the next 5 years. They are calling it The Grace House. The plan is to use the place as an office and for things like Bible Study and Life Group meetings. It’s really a beautiful little Victorian style house that reminds me of the Painted Ladies in Colorado Springs CO. During our visit she was able to convince me that it’s time to get a new mattress! She used her Costco membership and we found one. My tax refund money going to a good cause. We think some of the pain I’m going through in my lower body is related to having s bad mattress. To celebrate we went to Jalapeños in Nampa and that way we got to see Uncle John. We are keeping many of our family members near and far in prayer and of course our entire world with all that is going on!

The service this morning was really good. Pastor Jason talked about renovation of our hearts and touched a bit on free will. That God gives us the free will to make choices but ultimately has the final say. Kind of like how I think of God being like the parent ultimately having the say over what happens in the lives of their children. Free will only goes so far. There are consequences for our choices both good and bad. I liked this: “Definition of the heart: where decisions or choices are made for the whole person. “ In thinking about this message about the heart I got more insight on the area I struggle with understanding – free will. It’s the sometimes sketchy area of like all things that once they leave their creator they develop a life….a story independent of their creator. Many things in this world are created and abandoned. We are being reassured that such is not the case with God. Pastor shared something that really affected me. He said there was a point in his life that considered suicide! What a loss it would have been. He wouldn’t be there to help me with aspects of loving and knowing God that I’m struggling with! I like to hear his stories.

Tomorrow morning we are meeting at the Grace House to do some cleaning before furniture is moved in. I hope we get a good turn out to help. https://www.idahograce.com/

The messages from A woman’s Spirit for yesterday and today were about the value of time in our lives and the healing gift of sharing our stories. For me personally, I have found that time and distance have been great healers for coping with difficult things in my life. The farther I get from a situation, the less it hurts. The same can be said for sharing stories about trials I have faced. The more I talk about it the less it hurts each time. Like I mentioned in my Twitch Stream this morning there are generations before mine that don’t like to talk about things they have faced or are facing. They keep it to themselves. I think by doing this they harm themselves and deny others the experience of hearing about hope. It’s like “I have faced this situation. I’m facing a trial but there is hope in it. I got through it…I’m getting through it.” It’s kind of looked down on by many those people who dump their troubles on someone else but I try to remember boundaries and also that even though there are 7 billion plus people on earth, so many people fall through the cracks….. literally have no one they feel they can confide in. I have felt that way before. Only having a therapist to really talk about and talk out what I was going through.

A Woman’s Spirit Messages:

“Time is my friend today. Each minute brings to me an experience I am ready for.”

“All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them.” – Isak Dinesen

“I will tell a part of my story to someone today. She may be helped by it, and I will be free from it!”

3 March 2022 Where To Find God – In or Out? Finding Balance

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 3 March 2022 Thursday Chat (Late Start) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1414192132

Hello to you. How are you? Link and I are doing ok. Last night we had a little drama here at the house. I had trimmed the matted hair around Links feet and got the brilliant idea to try and trim his nails. Bad move! Without having someone to hold him I just can’t do it by myself. So….doing extra laundry today to get blood out of it. Felt so bad!!!

On my Twitch Stream today we talked about what’s going on overseas right now. I have been focused on Putin and wanting God to deal with him. From the pictures I’ve seen of him lately he doesn’t look well physically like something is wrong. The Woman’s Spirit message was good but it provoked some questions. We are taught through religion and society to look outside of ourselves for completeness. Many of us as a result don’t know who we are! The Psalm 31 I read was just another crying out to God for help. Alot of the psalms are. Do we have free will or not? Why does it feel like the church of today I see seems to want us to have a codependent relationship with God? What has been coming to me lately is the importance of finding balance- to be able to discern where I am in the equation of having a healthy relationship with the God of my understanding. God may have all the answers but does seem to leave a lot for us to figure out on our own – through our own life experience. Like I said, I struggle with the mentality I see in religion. If we completely turn ourselves over to God where is the free will in that? Are we then nothing more than automatons? How are we to ever know who we truly are if we are always looking outward from ourselves for how to live this life? I think that finding balance is key.

Where do we find God? Outside? Inside? It seems like everywhere if I really think about who and what God is. I’ll never forget sitting with my Dad on my back porch in Texas. We were talking about God and we agreed that God is in everything. I think it’s our expectations that can get in the way of attaining balance in our relationship with the God of all. We put our expectations on how God answers our prayers and I know personally it’s those expectations that sometimes make me not see God is in fact answering prayers. Again it’s a balance between our inner and outer worlds – our spirituality…..our relationship with the God of our understanding.

What just came to me is thinking about prayers being answered like someone playing a strategy game. Many separate pieces have to move for an overall outcome to be achieved…. an ultimate goal to be reached. Just yesterday I saw a good analogy from Elevation Church “God sees the whole puzzle.” God invented the puzzle of this life and knows how all the pieces fit together.

Find balance in and outside yourself and don’t put expectations on your relationship with God – especially with prayers! Let God be God. These are things I am having to work on each day!

A Woman’s Spirit messages for today:

“Time and again I have searched for you, not knowing that it was me I needed to find.” -Betty MacDonald

“I will pay attention to who I am today. I will honor the whole of me. I know genuine happiness can be found only in this way.”

20 February 2022 Lost But Not Worthless

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you today. How are you? I decided not to do a Twitch Stream today and that’s ok! A day of rest! This morning I got up late and almost missed church but I’m glad I made it. The message from Pastor Jason was good. He used the story of when he lost his wallet helping with farm work. It fell out of his back pocket and fell in the field covered with dirt. He and his friends went out looking for it and it wasn’t found until a couple months later! The lost wallet is like us…..like I’ve been so many times in my life….lost from my relationship with God. God seems to always be there waiting for the children to find their way home. Being lost like that wallet doesn’t mean we are worthless . We still have great value but we just aren’t doing what we were made to do. Our full potential isn’t being realized when we are lost. Least that is what I got out of his sermon!

Last night my Aunt and I went to a ladies game night at church and I met some really nice women. We played a game called Mad Gab first and that was just not my game lol! You get into teams and read these unrelated words to make a saying or phrase. I think I figured out one lol. Then we played a dice game called Tenzies and I wasn’t very good at that either but it was fun. We had pizza, salad and desserts. What was really neat is I met a woman that I ended up sitting next to in church today! As I write I realized I actually first met her at Next Steps classes. That’s the class you take when you are considering membership in the church. It was nice to see a friendly and familiar face today!

5 December 2021 Sunday

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you? I’m doing ok. I decided to take a break from the videos this morning and just write and draw. We have sunshine! So happy about that! I will have to get Link out for a walk later.

The drawing today is a combination of a bunch of things! I’m being told intuitively that the man isn’t Deegan this time. I have always thought of Jesus as having a skeleton key to all doors to include those within peoples hearts. What do you see in this drawing?

I was curious to see if keys are mentioned in the Bible and there are a couple references one of which is Matthew 16:19 “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven;” and then the other is in Revelations 20:1 And I saw an Angel coming down out of heaven, having the key to the Abyss and holding in his hand a great chain.

A lot to think about.

It’s almost time to get another sketchbook or try color again. I have a sketchbook my Aunt bought for me awhile ago that you use colored markers with. Things don’t flow as confidentially when I use color. I’m always afraid I will make a mistake !

I raked a little more this morning. The leaves are all wet and heavy and there is Link “presents.” I don’t have any work gloves to pick the stuff up. I’ll get it figured out. I miss the Alvarado house sometimes – having a garage and all the tools I needed.

Not much else from here. I hope your having a nice day.

18 November 2021 Progress Not Perfection

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I’m sitting here with my coffee and Link….so grateful to write to you today! Even though it’s overcast and gray there is light inside. Sometimes you have to generate light for yourself even if you are surrounded by darkness.

Progress not perfection…….baby steps. Last night my friend reminded me how far I’ve come in just a short time. We went from buying an insect ridden drum, starting a Meetup Group, going to a Meetup Group and ended up making a friend and then starting to drive more all in just a couple of months! Gradually a life is unfolding for me here.

I attribute my progress to God, my family and friends. I asked God….I continue to ask God and I continue to be heard. This passage speaks to me of the times I didn’t ask and tried to do it on my own:

James 4:2New International Version

2 You desire but do not have, so you kill.(A) You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.

The way things are right now. Sometimes it’s confusing to know which door to walk through next. I have help. If it ain’t light (in my chest) it ain’t right!

9 November 2021 Company

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
My handiwork and Gods this afternoon

Hi. It’s 6:42 pm in my world and it’s already dark ! I wasn’t going to write to you again today but here I am. Thank you for being some company for me! I don’t know if it’s like this for you, but when I write it’s like visiting with a friend. It helps me feel less lonely.

“My only friend what have I left undone? What path have I left untread under a fading sun. Who have I wronged and left outcast..this life or those of my past. Oh Lord why do I feel incomplete? My head heart and hands disconnected from my feet. I pray you will leave me bread crumbs made of stars….lead me, guide me, make me whole again even with all these scars. Let your light shine in my darkness….my alone. Return my innermost to what I have known. Complete your work in me no stone left unturned. Let me be a beacon of all that you have learned. No more days of feeling abandoned and cast out. Show me Lord what this has all been about.”

Do you ever feel that feeling? What is this all for? Everything you have been through was it random or some elaborate strategy game for God(s) to play? Are we just playthings of chance? I want to believe there is a grand design to all of this. I don’t want to believe it’s just some abandoned divine chemistry experiment.

Hopefully something here resonates. I think all of us travelers get weary sometimes. Some days make perfect nonsense….WHY?!!!! There usually will be an answer but it seems like sometimes we are never going to truly know. May be it’s just too much more than we can handle. Like the Jack Nicholson quote from the movie A Few Good Men “You can’t handle the truth!!!! “

I will close for now. Thank you for your company ! I’d love to hear from you on what I’ve discussed here if you have the time .

24 October 2021 Sunday

by saymber, posted in dreams, Home, Leading Life by Example, Money, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you? As I write to you it’s gray and wet. We are getting some much needed rain. I took some extra Vitamin D this morning to help out with SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I just want to hibernate like a big ol grizzly when the seasons change. It’s dark by 7 pm right now and the lights don’t really come back on til around 8 am!

So I’m hoping my drum arrives today. A friend of mine said his Amazon delivery hasn’t showed up . It was supposed to be at his place yesterday. I imagine this is the supply chain problem?!! It would be nice if they let people know there was a delay! A positive side to the delay is it gives me more time to think about things!

I had trouble falling asleep last night. I kept hearing drums in my head! I kept imagining the lawn chairs on my porch being filled with people playing a drum or some other musical instrument . Then my thoughts got bigger. They expanded out to seeing a group of people meeting at one of our local parks. I could see a community of like minded souls praising God together outside or inside if there was a place to do it.

“Start small. If you grow too big too fast you’ll fall.”

Is this a God thing? When your someone like me you have to be careful that passions aren’t just mania manifesting itself. I don’t want to plant this seed, in this case put money down to start a Meetup Group, and then lose interest. Judging by the fact there aren’t any groups for Middleton I’m nervous that I’m not going to reach the people here. I guess this is a time for faith. A belief in what can’t be seen. If this is God at work I have nothing to worry about and just have to practice what I preach! Patience!!

2 October 2021 Dream

by saymber, posted in animals, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello. How are you today so far ? It’s 7:13 am as I write. It’s still dark and it’s cold. I don’t want to get out of bed. I had one of those dreams that you wake up from and your heart aches.

I dreamt about my cat Amber and the family dog Spot. It hurt so much I had to turn to Jesus and now I want to cry .

I don’t know what to do with attachment . I get so attached to the people and animals in my life . In Buddhism attachment leads to suffering . This is so true! How do I live this life without getting too attached? Without suffering?

As I said I turned to Jesus this morning and the message was. “Write .” So I’m writing! That’s the nice thing about this blog is you can write as much or as little as you want. I will probably write more later! It’s just what I need right now . Writing for me is therapy !

So why Jesus ? Why turn to Jesus when I had a dream that was so close to my hearts desire ? To be reunited with lost pets ? Because I actually feel something. When I say or think that name I feel comforted. There is a warmth that comes like a filling up inside. I don’t feel so alone. I feel like I can handle what I’m facing a little better. It’s like calling on an old friend that seems to always be there waiting to help !

All this because of a dream. Is it a coincidence? God works in mysterious ways ! Perhaps this is a gentle reminder to not lose my faith ? Perhaps in writing this I am helping someone else not lose their faith either ? So much happens in this world that doesn’t make any sense. All these pieces of an intricate puzzle finding their place.

Sometimes it’s all you can do is hold on and hope your own light doesn’t go out. It can be so easy to lose your faith if it’s grounded in this world. This world slips away so easily. You need something to hold on to that won’t go away like people and pets do . Is that why people hold on to the Bible and other sacred text? It would make sense ! You can call on Jesus any time day or night and he doesn’t charge you for an office visit !

I need to get my butt out of bed. Thank you for your company. Like I said I’ll probably be back a little later!

31 August 2021 Gathered

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you ? I am doing pretty good this morning . I did something different and really enjoyed it . Today I’m thinking of the Bible passage New International Version
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” My Aunt invited me to a short Bible study today with one of her dear friends. There was just the three of us .

It really felt good to talk about God and read from psalms (psalm 145) which is the last psalm written by David and psalm 104 which was our hostesses favorite. It felt nice to get out of the house and spend some time with a couple of women who truly love God and have a strong testimony in how God has worked on their lives.

I honestly didn’t want it to end! My drawing today is symbolic of what we did today .

5 April 2021 Truth

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, books, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing ok.

Today’s journey in the Bible lead me here:

Prophecy of Scripture 2 Peter 12-21

12 So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. 13 I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, 14 because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. 15 And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.

16 For we did not follow cleverly devised stories when we told you about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ in power, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17 He received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”[b] 18 We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.

19 We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. 20 Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet’s own interpretation of things. 21 For prophecy never had its origin in the human will, but prophets, though human, spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

This is an important passage for someone like me who sometimes has doubts. What is the truth? Is this a first hand account? Perhaps it comes down to belief. Does it matter whether or not it’s a first hand account if it’s the word of God? My personal truth is it’s lonely being a doubter……having unbelief . A good friend of mine has suggested I ask God to show me the truth.

Sometimes I can get my inner “zoo” quiet enough to hear a voice of reason inside. Like just now, “Have faith, everything will make sense. I will guide you there is no need to feel anxious.” What is the source of this voice inside? Is it the Holy Spirit or just my brain trying to get me to calm down? I guess it comes down to what I want to believe again doesn’t it?!

I have had dealings with the truth of the Holy Spirit before. It was back in 2001 a whole sequence of events happened after I went to a mega church service in Melbourne Florida. The message was about the Holy Spirit being an actual entity. I was sitting in my sun porch in base housing after drinking heavily again. I was tired of being drunk again and under my breath I said , “Holy Spirit I surrender.” Well that next day the Holy Spirit and his divine timing began. I was going to ride my bike to work like I normally do and the chain just fell off the bike! I had to put it back on and my hands got all oily. Well I got cleaned up and was riding the path I normally take by the 45th Intelligence Squadron and a Transam came racing up on me and almost hit me! I was very shaken. Then I got to work and found out I had an annual physical exam so I had to ride my bike again. I was given a questionnaire and one of the questions talked about my alcohol usage and I decided to be honest. I was drinking too much to cope with my life and within a couple days I was on a plane to Maryland into a treatment facility! It turned out to be exactly what I needed even if I didn’t think so at first. I whispered for divine help and I got it.

I think this passage is true:

Matthew 17:20
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Not all of life’s experiences are dramatic as what I shared but they do bear witness to the power and truth of God in our daily lives.

“balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

“if you have faith as small as a mustard seed” in the English Ordinal system equals 383 (yes, no, may be for eternity yes, no may be existence)