30 September 2020 Shopping for a place to live

Hello, how are you you doing today? I am doing ok.  I’m trying to stay in a space of gratitude for my blessings.  I am way better off than a lot of people these days!

So the current leg of my journey involves finding a place to live in a boom state.  What I mean by that is I moved to a state that is booming with growth as people from expensive places like California move here.  There is a shortage of low income housing.  Farmland is being sold to home developers that aren’t building houses for single occupants.

So pickings are pretty slim and I can’t see myself renting a home for nearly twice what I was paying for a mortgage. I have been trying to avoid the apartment option because I have had such bad luck in the past living in them.  Noise has been the primary complaint.  Moving into an apartment with a dog that barks at just about everything would be horrible for both of us.   I have to have faith that the right place is going to be there for us we just have to be patient.

Shopping for a place to live ” in the English Ordinal system equals 264 (light and shadow of self process all vices in check but one for right side of brain)

two six four” in the English Ordinal system equals 170 (one all vices in check for unknown person, place and or object)

one seven zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 163 (one all vices in check but one for a yes, no, may be process)

one six three” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (one left side of the brain process of light and shadow of self)

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (one all the senses engaged process of light and shadow self)

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes, no, may be right side of the brain)

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all the senses engaged for unknown person, place and or object)

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one right side of the brain for unknow person, place and or object)

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all the senses engaged in eternity and or race track of life)

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow of self process with all the senses engaged)

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (pattern repeats)

 

Just curious:

boom town” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 (two parts of self separated all vices in check)

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 (one yes, no, maybe, yes, no may be self)

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 (one left side brain all vices in check but one)

 

9 September 2020 Getting to the core

Hello to you, how are you doing?  I am having another day without having a Coca Cola as part of my routine and I can tell.  Is this why I’m having another day of feeling “off?”   I have to be my own personal Sherlock Holmes it seems when trying to figure out why one day isn’t like another.   Why one day I will feel like I can handle just about anything and others where a leaf landing on my head could tip me over!

I’ve been talking with people who are like me.  A lot of what we do is this super-sleuthing, digging through what can be construed as a shit pile of a life for core reasons for what is happening.  I can’t dig too much and or ruminate without becoming practically paralyzed by what surfaces.  For example our family is about to experience a wedding and I have decided not to go because I know it’s a trigger.

This upcoming wedding triggers thoughts of my own wedding and I keep seeing flashes of our wedding pictures in my minds-eye.   I keep seeing my ex and how handsome and sweet he was…how happy we were.  I know that my wedding and the  subsequent failure of our marriage is at the core of why I’m having trouble with my cousins’ son getting married.  A pessimistic self has emerged that asks questions like why even bother with marriage.

So what I have excavated is a trigger to my core and I don’t want it to ruin me or taint anyone around me.

trigger” in the English Ordinal system equals 84 (ironically my ex was born in 1984)

core” in the English Ordinal system equals 41

money” in the English Ordinal system equals 72

world” in the English Ordinal system equals 72

marriage” in the English Ordinal system equals 72

10 August 2020 Going to the Pool

Hello to you wherever and whenever you are.  It’s evening here and I just wanted to take a moment to write.  How was your day?  Well my day was about pushing through another few feet through the twelve year mountain in front of me.  Kyle and I were married twelve years and that is a lot of time and memories to push through anytime I get ready to do something.

The way my mind works is through associations.  For example today my cousin invited my Aunt, Uncle and I to their place to enjoy the benefits of their golf club membership.  It should have been no big deal to just say yes but it was.  My cousins daughter is dating a young man named Kyle!  So with that name is the association of my Kyle and how we used to go over and use his parents pool quite a bit during the hot Texas summers.  I miss seeing his beautiful hair in the sunlight.

Anyways, today I was getting hot flashes of anxiety just thinking about going.   Then my Aunt and I talked about it and decided to go.  Well I’m glad I did even if it was difficult at times.  I got to meet the other Kyle and he’s nothing like mine was. We ended up having a nice time even if  there was some sensory overload.  Like I told my cousin, being there with them like that was something I hadn’t done in a really long time.

Kyle and I were experts at talking ourselves out of doing things. If he and I were still together, I don’t know if I would have gone over there.  In Texas, everything we could do involved us having to drive a long ways and spend money once we got there.  Kyle was more about buying a video game and staying home then going out to do things.  I enabled his social anxiety and he enabled me in his ways.  We lived a pretty isolated life the last few years.  I don’t know if it was he was embarrassed of me or if he had social anxiety too.

I guess I will never know because we never got real closure on our divorce like I wanted.  Truth is it wouldn’t of mattered what he said or we said it wouldn’t have been enough.  I didn’t want the divorce and still have feelings for him that I’m working through.  I do a lot of crying.   Like I said, twelve years of a mutual life is a lot to get through.  But I know God has a plan and gradually it is being revealed.  I just have to keep as my friend says, feeling the fear but going forward anyways.

Going to the Pool” in the English Ordinal system equals 178 (for one, all vices in check on the racetrack of life)

 

28 MAy 2020 Stuff

Hello to you.  How are you this morning?  Well Link and I have had our walk and I forced myself to eat some breakfast sitting at the table.  I have been having trouble sitting still for meals since I got home from the hospital.  Just another anxiety provoking thing I’m working through.  Last night before bed I was having to keep my mind from teleporting all over the place, “stay with Link” and “stay here Jackie” are phrases I’m having to use a lot.  So many parts of my life provoke a teleport of my mind and heart to another time.

Speaking of another time….my stuff is a big time trigger right now.

With things going the way they are, I am going to be moving.  We are having discussions with what is the best way to transport my stuff from here to Idaho.  I think we have narrowed it down to a Uhaul truck.  The quote for the POD was $3800 with almost $300 for rent a month.  A lot of the deliberation about this has been whether or not all the stuff I’ve decided to keep will fit in one device or another and not cost us a fortune!   I’ve already gotten rid of so much and there is still a couple things left.   I hate the thought of putting our King size bed at the curb!

This morning I was thinking about the movies my husband and I had collected and my journals.  He is going to try and sell most of the movies.  The journals I think are going to be transported one more time but there is a part of me that is almost ready to let them go.  I have no intention of going back through them and I don’t expect anybody else is going to want to either.  Unlike movies though, you can’t just go get another copy of a journal.   With movies you can also find another way to watch and or acquire another copy.  We’ll see what happens!  I have some more time to think about it.

Anyhew that’s where we are at in our process right now.  I’m trying to stay in the present moment.  I am trying to remain grateful for what and who I have.

13 May 2020 Thinking things through

Good morning to you.  Hope this finds you doing ok.  I’m at another phase of the journey that’s going on today.  My husband and I finally got a chance to talk yesterday.  We agreed trying to do all that we want to do right in the middle of a still evolving pandemic  might not be a good idea.  We are having to think things through.

12 May 2020 – I had to put out a pair of my husbands pants for Link. Link was grieving yesterday after our visit.  He just howled after my husband left.  What my husband and I have been going through has been tough on Link too.  

We know we still want to sell this house but have to make sure Link and I have someplace to go after we do.  The realtor we talked to said with considering what needs to happen to this house, we were looking at $110-130,000 for a walk away on it – we paid $107,000.   I think the low figure has to do with the fact our house is needing another foundation repair.  Those are expensive.  He quoted foundation repair costing about $8-$11,000.  There has been a lot of interior damage because of the house shifting.

My husband was still not very pleased with the realtor quote considering how much they say our house is worth .  USAA is saying our home is worth $180,000 but that isn’t considering the factors the realtor considered and also the realtor is familiar with our town.  He has sold other properties in our area and probably has a good idea of what he can get for it.  So we will have to work on the realtor part.  I think the sale of this place will end up being a flipper kind of deal.  What I mean by that,  is an investor will buy the property, make repairs and then sell it at a higher price than they bought it.  Neither one of us is wanting to put any more money into repairing this place as it is.  So no matter what realtor we choose, we may be stuck with getting not much more than we paid for it in the end of it.

All that said, selling the place will more than likely not be a problem.  If we need to,  we can do a remote closing.  It apparently happens all the time.  The part I’m concerned about is knowing  the place I have to go for certain is 1600+ miles away.  When I got to thinking about all that is involved with that kind of trip, I got cold feet.  It’s not that I’m not willing to do it.   I think if my cousin and his wife are good on their offer to come here to help me drive back there won’t be as much a problem.  I’m just worried about putting us all at risk health wise doing this when the pandemic is still doing it’s thing in this country.

There is also a small part of me that is hoping my husband might change his mind about our relationship.  By talking to him yesterday and  considering all that he has been through with me the past couple of years, it’s not looking good for reconciliation like I would want.  He is adamant he’s not coming back to this house to live.  He is perfectly justified in his feelings and his actions.  There is a lot he could have done.  He could have completely abandoned me and he didn’t and he hasn’t.  He knows I can’t do this all of by myself and seems willing to do his part.  The other consideration is that I am freshly out of the hospital and I don’t want to end up back in one.  We just have to do this right and I think we are.

some info I found about road trips right now:

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/travelers/travel-in-the-us.html

Road Trips

CDC recommends you stay home as much as possible and practice social distancing, especially if you are at higher risk of severe illness.  However, if you must travel, be aware that many businesses (such as restaurants and hotels) may be closed.

Anticipate your needs before you go:

  • Prepare food and water for the road. Pack non-perishables in case restaurants and stores are closed.
  • Bring any medicines you may need for the duration of your trip.
  • Pack a sufficient amount of alcohol-based hand sanitizer (at least 60% alcohol) and keep it in a place that is readily available.
  • Book accommodations in advance if you must stay somewhere overnight.
    • Plan to make as few stops as possible, but make sure you rest when you feel drowsy or sleepy.
    • Bring an EPA-registered disinfectant and other personal cleaning supplies.

Don’t travel if you are sick or plan to travel with someone who is sick.

12 May 2020 Let them help you

Hello to you.  How are you today?  I’m hanging in there.  Trying to take care of myself and Link in the midst of a personal time of crisis.  Yesterday we had our first realtor come and take a quick assessment of our place.  Link didn’t like it at all.  I don’t know how well trying to show a house with us in it is going to go.  He chased and barked at the guy the whole time he was in the house!  Having Link is part of the reason I’m anxious to sell the house and get to Idaho as quickly as possible so he is situated with family again.   This whole situation hasn’t been easy on him either.

Today the realtor is supposed to have some numbers for us so we can decide if we want to go ahead and list our place with him.  The reason I chose him is he has a lot of familiarity with the property in our area.  He seemed pretty optimistic about being able to turn the property pretty quickly.  I don’t want him to do it too quickly because we need time to clear out the place and Link and I need a place to live.  I want to stay in the house until we get it all cleared out of our stuff if possible.

I’m trying to move past the anxiety I am feeling so that I can be in my own skin.   Some moments I feel like jumping out of it but it’s getting better.   You know how I was talking about having background noise, well now it’s getting about to the opposite.  I can’t turn on the news without it provoking anxiety.  I can barely turn on the radio for the same reason and that’s EVEN the classical music station!  My personal world is in a tailspin and adding to it with the rest of the world doesn’t help.  It’s not that I don’t care about anybody else in the world, I truly do, but anything more on me is just too much right now.

Life right now is having little things be big things.  This morning I woke up really early with almost a panic about whether or not I would be able to charge my cell phone while Link and I travel to Idaho.  I ran out to the car in the rain to check and thankfully I found I will indeed be able to keep my phone charged while the car is running.

I went back to bed and said to myself in the dark, “I’m scared.”  It’s been a long time since I’ve admitted that to myself about anything.  I’m honestly scared to make such a big journey right now with Link.   A few years ago, in a healthier world,  I don’t think I would be having so much angst about all of this.  There is a part of me starting to resist the thought of moving, trying to stay here, but I know that won’t be good for me in the long term.  This house is more than I can take care of by myself.  We need to sell it now before the “to do” list of repairs gets too much longer.

My cousin and his wife have offered to help me with the journey.  They had talked about driving down here and then we’d drive back together.  The more I think about traveling with Link alone, the more apprehensive I get.  With what’s going on in the country and world with this virus I’m not sure I’m going to want to stop anywhere except for gas!  Just the thought of making a pitstop to go to the bathroom and having to leave him alone in the car is worrisome.  Depending on what time of year it is will make a big difference too.  Flying right now would be out of the question and I think it will be for quite some time.   I’m hoping we have a few months yet and may be things will be safer for travel for all of us.

I have asked for help from my family but worry about being a burden but there is a part of me that is saying, “Let them help you.”  I just don’t want to make a debt I cannot repay.  That’s the kind of person I have become.  I worry about that invisible balance sheet, the “if I do this for you, what will you do for me?”    May be God is trying to teach me something about that.  May be not everyone in the world operates on a balance sheet.  May be the people I know and love are willing to help me without expecting a payment in return.  May be I will repay them somehow once we have a chance to be together.

 

6 May 2020 Making good choices and could basic income be an option for the US?

Hello to you.  How are you as you visit me here?  I hope this finds you well.  Aside from allergies and being awake way too darn early things are pretty decent here.  When is too early to be awake?  In dog time, from what Link tells me, it’s being awake before the sun is.  As I write, he’s still in bed!

What comes to me this morning is something I’m having to do – learning to accept my part.  What I mean by that is each of us seems to have a part we play on this stage of God’s and mine seems to be the one that I’m trying to accept.  When I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, things seem to go well.  When I’m not, well God lets me know about it.  They were pretty firm about it most recently – tough love is the phrase we are using.

To quote Albus Dumbledore: “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

So it’s  important to make good choices.

I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s hard to know what a good choice is!   In my life so far, it feels like there is a lot of hindsight on the making good choices scenario.  It feels like all too often I am  asked to make a good choice when I’m faced with a set of circumstances and limited data to go on.  As is the case recently, if it’s not me making the choice, it’s me having to trust someone else about it.

My personal barometer, “if it ain’t light, it ain’t right” works most of the time.  If my heart moves in my chest anywhere but center when making a choice, my choice my need evaluating.  Lately though, and I hadn’t planned on this part,  I am acknowledging that when I feel my heart sink into my stomach it might be because I’m being asked to get out of my comfort zone.  How do you tell the difference?!

This is a question facing so many in our world today isn’t it?

making good choices” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – a feeling, being yourself, quality of life, spirit alchemy

With this Covoid19 crisis there seems to be a lot of darned if you do, darned if you don’t!  The right answer, as I’ve been seeing a lot, might not be the popular answer or what other people want to hear.   For example, the debate in our state of Texas has been whether or not to open up businesses again.  Is it too soon?  Are these businesses prepared for the changes they need to make to be open safely?   I am noticing a lot of small businesses being forced to choose between their lives and their livelihoods.  I think if they knew they had some sort of income no matter what, they wouldn’t feel pressure to reopen so quickly.  For many, if they don’t open back up, they face losing their business which affects their lives and the communities they serve.  If they do open back up, they are putting their lives at risk being exposed to a potentially infected public.  They tried to give some of the businesses stimulus checks but it’s not enough to sustain a business for a long period like we are potentially talking about with this virus.

A model that exists and I don’t know if this would work here is Basic income.   May be something like this could help the many unemployed and or those losing their businesses from the restaurant, service, retail and agricultural sectors.   They already have people applying for aide so they know who the folks are that need help already:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basic_income

Basic income, also called universal basic income (UBI), citizen’s income, citizen’s basic income, basic income guarantee, basic living stipend, guaranteed annual income, or universal demogrant, is a governmental public program for a periodic payment delivered to all on an individual basis without means test or work requirement.[2] The incomes would be:

  • Unconditional: A basic income would vary with age, but with no other conditions. Everyone of the same age would receive the same basic income, whatever their gender, employment status, family structure, contribution to society, housing costs, or anything else.
  • Automatic: Someone’s basic income would be automatically paid weekly or monthly into a bank account or similar.
  • Non-withdrawable: Basic incomes would not be means-tested. Whether someone’s earnings increase, decrease, or stay the same, their basic income will not change.
  • Individual: Basic incomes would be paid on an individual basis and not on the basis of a couple or household.
  • As a right: Every legal resident would receive a basic income, subject to a minimum period of legal residency and continuing residency for most of the year.[3]

Basic income can be implemented nationally, regionally or locally. An unconditional income that is sufficient to meet a person’s basic needs (at or above the poverty line) is sometimes called a full basic income while if it is less than that amount, it is sometimes called partial. A welfare system with some characteristics similar to those of a basic income is a negative income tax in which the government stipend is gradually reduced with higher labor income. Some welfare systems are sometimes regarded as steps on the way to a basic income, but because they have conditions attached they are not basic incomes. If they raise household incomes to specified minima they are called guaranteed minimum income systems. For example, Bolsa Família in Brazil is restricted to poor families and the children are obligated to attend school.[4]

 

Basic income” in the English Ordinal system equals 93 – management, growing, therapy, internal, trying, parents

nine three” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 – together, stocking, trust, “to try”

nine eight’” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 – spirit, upgrades, savings, content, emotion, future, growth

nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 – sharing, tracker, humans, species, example, mixing concept

seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 – humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, expansion

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 – a the, innovation, challenge, invitation, grownups, system life

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 – a body, people matter, brain function, peace for the brain, field of study

——————-

https://washingtonmonthly.com/2020/03/18/americans-need-a-basic-income-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak/

While one-time “stimulus checks” are an option— as they were in the immediate aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis—many Americans are going to need longer-term support to weather the coming financial storm. Rather than a single shot of cash, struggling Americans will need an “emergency basic income” (EBI)—i.e. no-strings-attached, continuing cash support, similar to what former presidential candidate Andrew Yang proposed on the campaign trail.

At the time of his campaign, Yang was pushing for a “universal basic income”– a $1,000 per month entitlement for every American. The idea was expensive, impractical. and rife with the potential for unintended consequences. But now, Yang’s original conception, with some important variations, could save millions of Americans from financial catastrophe. That helps explain why its finding new life from proponents l New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (as well as Yang himself). Yet UBI need not be adopted in its original form to do a lot of good; it need not be as generous as an indefinite entitlement of $1,000 a month, nor does it need to be universal. At least not yet.

———————

I currently live on a fixed income so I understand what this is like.  My income doesn’t fluctuate that much so I have to live within my means.  I wonder if this model would work for some of the folks that had small businesses and they had to close them.  Could our country afford this system on a short term basis until be get more stabilized and beyond the crisis?

Anyhew – I’m out of my depth.  People a lot wiser out there on this but that’s just how my mind goes – from small scale to the world.   How do you make a good choice in such uncertain times.  I guess if we are honest with ourselves, now isn’t much different than it ever really was.  There is always risk in decision making.  All we can do is make the best choices we can and hope for the best.   I do hope anyone reading this, if you are in the demographic of folks I’m talking about,  that you have or can get everything you need to take care of yourselves and your families.

P.S.  The Blue Angels are supposed to be flying today – hope I get to see them!

 

 

 

8 February 2020 Amusing yourself

Hello to you.  It’s Saturday afternoon as I write to you in your here and now.  How are you?  I hope well.  I am having some shall I say, “alone time” right now and find myself challenged to find things to do.  Today I took out the trusty cribbage and chessboards and found myself quickly bored with the board lol.  I write and draw a lot, sometimes paint, take pictures, enjoy almost every genre of music (some more than others), love to dance and be physically active, enjoy good food, truly enjoy being outside with God and sometimes play a video game here and there.  I enjoy making things but don’t really have an outlet for the things I make.  I think it is safe to say, at least for my house, you can have too many home made blankets!  Hobbies can get expensive no matter what they are.  When you are on a fixed income you have to watch your spending, at least that has been my personal choice about it.

Living where I do, most of the activities that I could participate in require me to spend money.  Driving to even a “free” place can get expensive over time.  So I have learned to amuse myself the best I can in the parameters in which I live.  For many, I think, it would be quite a dull existence.

I have planted a seed, if you want to call it that, for the God of my understanding to gradually and tangibly, put people in my life that are interested in the sorts of things I am interested in.  Some time ago, I had a “tribe” here, but everyone went their separate ways and all are extremely busy with their lives and pursuit of their dreams and or livelihoods.   Some of what I’m interested in may be considered “fringe” type things – much of which is in the spiritual, scientific and paranormal realms.

Sometimes when you plant a seed with God it takes time and the right “soil” in which for the seed to germinate. 

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/

seed = 33

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136

one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154

one two six” in the English Ordinal system equals 144

one one two” in the English Ordinal system equals 126

three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 112

seed” in the English Ordinal system equals 33

germinate = 92

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136

one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154

one six two” in the English Ordinal system equals 144

one zero zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 162

nine two” in the English Ordinal system equals 100

germinate” in the English Ordinal system equals 92

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

soil = 55

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158

one zero nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 140

eight four” in the English Ordinal system equals 109

five five” in the English Ordinal system equals 84

soil” in the English Ordinal system equals 55

31 January 2020 – Living alone together

Hello to you.  It’s been awhile since I posted anything.  I am currently going through some challenging times in my life and haven’t been feeling like doing much.  I hope something in what I will share here will help you if you find yourself visiting my blog today.

What I am currently facing is something similar to what I went through in my previous marriage.  The experience of living with someone but feeling like you are just sharing a space but not truly connected like you once were.  I call it, living alone together.  It’s not a condition I want to exist but it currently does.

I am the sort of person who can get carried away into many different directions at once and find it difficult to be in the present moment all the time.  To be in a healthy relationship with someone, I think you have to communicate and sometimes even that breaks down.  For my husband and I, we have had the same conversations so many times, our own personal echo chamber if you will.  After a time, things just get stale.  We used to share a lot of the same interests but over time, things have changed for both of us.  I think this world has changed and not necessarily for the better.

I am currently trying to find a way to navigate through my current circumstances and maintain a positive attitude.  I have been writing letters, writing in a journal, taking pictures, cleaning and organizing the house, doing yard work, going for walks, doing crafts, trying to eat better and get enough sleep, trying to communicate more with loved ones as coping mechanisms. Our two dogs are affected by what is going on as much as we are.  I think it must be very confusing to them.

I ran a couple of words-numbers phrases in line with this topic.  As I have mentioned before in previous posts,  I want to emphasize my interpretation of these numbers isn’t the only interpretation.  You may see something else.  You may be experiencing something else.  It’s interesting to me to see the patterns.  May be for your own experience there are other things you would add:

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/ (online calculator I use for this but I have a personal offline system also)

Energy fields emitted from a life form = 342 174/159/118/117/133/146

(one = 34, self= 42)

resonance = 94 102/156/128/141/128/141……

(why=56 141=energy exchange 28=man)

fluctuating energy levels in the types of energy consumed=575 149/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134…..

(human=57 spiral/eternal=75 way/cause=49 child=36 self=42 earth=52 one=34 animal/easy/fight/Joy/role=50 food=40 all=25)

a balanced energy diet = 155 118/117/133/146

(shared/wages=55 true love/modification/scent glands/wonderful/concentrate=118 I’m sorry/nurture/humility/upbringing=117 temptation/community/don’t give up = 133 (the=33) people matter/brain function/peace for the brain = 146 (body=46)

metabolism = 109/140

“to have a healthy metabolism” = 260 174/159/118/117/133/146

(energy=74 five = 42 nine= 42 self=42 (the five senses of the body and nine (nein) or no self)

living alone = 120 156/128/141/128/141…..

living by yourself = 221 150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125

(understanding/communication/fifty states/uncertainty/divine planning/possession = 150 feeling=58)

living with someone you are married to but feeling alone = 555 126/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134……

(God/dog/game = 26 brain/faith=44 sun/love/play/voice=54 child=36 self=42)

alone = 152

together = 98 91/76/117/133/146

(spirit=91 sharing/fiction/divorce/revenge/humans/master/species/draining/contact/example/crying/mixing/concept/losing/a cat’s life = 76)

positive attitude = 215/134

negative attitude = 183 139/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150……..

(positive = 115 negative=83 attitude=100 culture=100)

19 June 2019 “People Message”

Hello to you.  I hope this finds you well today.  I have started exploring some things using sumerian gematra values in addition to the ordinal on this website: https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/ and this morning, with just a few key words, saw some pretty interesting patterns I wanted to share with those who have been interested in what I’m doing….following along so to speak.  I have my own personal reference for key words that showed up to me here.  I am providing a couple at the end of this, but I encourage you to look at this for yourself and see what it says to you personally.  The main reason I do this is for that reason, it’s a conversation.

Words (sumerian) = 474  1110/996/816/810/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996….repeating pattern

Words (ordinal) = 79  107/163/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Numbers (sumerian) = 552 852/894/906/948/906…..repeating pattern

Numbers (ordinal) = 92 100/162/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Phrases (sumerian) = 516 768/996/816/810/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Phrases (ordinal) = 86 101/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Meaning (sumerian) = 378 1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Meaning (ordinal) = 63  108/147/159/118/117/133/146

Reason (sumerian) = 432 1044/1308/1218/1050/1224/1260/1248/1206/1248….repeating pattern

Reason (ordinal) = 72 123/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Message (sumerian) = 414 924/960/948/906/948/906….repeating pattern

Message (ordinal) = 69 94/102/156/128/141

Communication (sumerian) = 900 1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Communication (ordinal) = 150 140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Memory (sumerian) = 534 948/906/948/906….repeating pattern

Memory (ordinal) = 89  91/76/117/133/146

Remember (sumerian) = 474 1110/996/816/810/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996….repeating pattern

Remember (ordinal) =  79  107/163/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Conversation (sumerian) = 930 972/990/888/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Conversation (ordinal) = 155 118/117/133/146

“Do not forget me”  (ordinal) = 157/141/128/141

“Do not forget me” (sumerian) = 942 960/948/906/948

people (sumerian) = 414 924/960/948/906//948/906…..repeating pattern

message (sumerian) = 414

people (ordinal) = 69 94/102/156/128/141/128….repeating pattern

message (ordinal) = 69


Some key words/phrases that may or may not help you comprehend the above information*

*it’s important to remember I have only found just a few of these so far and I would be taking away from the adventure if I just gave them all to you!  If you decide and or have decided to do this for yourself, you will find more word/number values as you go through the experience.  I encourage you to make up your own personal key code list for reference.  Part of the wonder of this for me is finding the values during the process.  One word/number value will often lead me to another and as that happens, as I’ve shown above with the repeating patterns, it’s interesting to see the connections/associations.

I think you will find, as I have, sometimes as you go through a train of thought using this, a message will be there specifically for you and no one else.  This process is helping me work through the chronic trust issues I have and I am sharing to help others who might be going through the same thing and haven’t found anything else to help them.

This is not something I have chosen to “monetize/commoditize” for profit and that’s why I haven’t and don’t intend to do so if at all possible.

As I’ve stated before, this system has been around a very long time!  I’m very much a novice yet about this system of communication.  I think I’m making good progress considering I have never had any formal training/teaching given to me about it.    I’m kind of glad I haven’t had formal training.  I have to wonder if that’s why it’s going the way it has? I feel like sometimes when we have formal training about things of this nature we can get kind of narrow minded about it.  In places I used to be narrow minded about religion/spirituality, this system has opened me up to new thoughts and patterns.

I think a basic foundation that is important with this whole process is learning the alphabet, learning to read, learning how to count/do basic math and for me personally, I have explored the Bible and other spiritual writings by various authors of various walks of faith and spirituality.     

all/fame = 25

God/dog/card/game/lie/eat/ate/bear/tea = 26

feel/read/man = 28

due/baby/peace/Bible/day/make/date = 30

agenda, life, again = 32

halo/child/hair/bite/heard = 36

garbage/sail/alien/cow/fuck/help/blind/awake/key = 41  (yes, I included THAT word)

anger/milk/bath/bridge/denial/leader/cheese/cool = 45

blonde/earth/seeds/caring/speak/what/thaw/hobby = 52

sun/love/play/voice/eyes = 54

horn/warm/cloud/satan/move/higher/wire = 55

drive/star/feeling/fragile/glass/Father/lunch/night/asleep/bedtime/illegal/reading = 58

color/carpet/traffic/skill/divine = 63

music/white/broken/backyard/poker/cleaning/random/alphabet = 65

woman/beasts/family/happy/walks/twin/freedom/relics = 66

ways/house/waste/right/married/sweat/war dog/key code/planet = 68

animals/people/husband/slow/wealth/fatigue/message = 69

machines/quiet/money/singer/discord/charisma/marriage/school/stuff/boredom/crochet/world = 72

clouds/energy/nuclear/Jesus/Lucifer/trauma = 74

feelings/power/Christ/things/glory/teapot/store/forbidden/wearing/temper = 77

nature/listen/remember/zones/watches/mother/should/relocate/super/disobey/ground/loving/murder/your/bribery/addiction = 79

filthy/behavior/rebirth/plastic/empathy/gullible/handyman/letter/short/fighting/laptop/learning = 80

wanting/allergies/ghosts/policeman/exercise = 88

courier/insects/memory/religion/location/disappear/anatomy = 89

thirteen/egocentric/judgement/fortune/tradesmen/sickness/answers/open minded = 99

estrogen/suspect/expecting/counting = 103

conscious/unfaithful/negative image/witnessed = 118

counseling/sympathy/mentality/expensive= 119

courageous/surprise/examination/super girl/mystery/previous/”I don’t know”/resistant/solution/spiritual = 125

copper wire = 128

commandments/information/combinations = 134

energy exchange = 141

understanding/communication/fifty states/uncertainty/divine planning/positive image = 150

comprehension/copper tools = 154

critical thinking = 167

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gematria

Gematria /ɡəˈmtriə/ (Hebrew: .mw-parser-output .script-hebrew,.mw-parser-output .script-Hebr{font-size:1.15em;font-family:”Ezra SIL”,”Ezra SIL SR”,”Keter Aram Tsova”,”Taamey Ashkenaz”,”Taamey David CLM”,”Taamey Frank CLM”,”Frank Ruehl CLM”,”Keter YG”,”Shofar”,”David CLM”,”Hadasim CLM”,”Simple CLM”,”Nachlieli”,”SBL BibLit”,”SBL Hebrew”,Cardo,Alef,”Noto Serif Hebrew”,”Noto Sans Hebrew”,”David Libre”,David,”Times New Roman”,Gisha,Arial,FreeSerif,FreeSans} גמטריא or גימטריה, plural גמטראות or גמטריאות, gematriot)[1] is an alphanumeric code of assigning a numerical value to a name, word or phrase based on its letters. People who practice gematria believe that words with identical numerical values may bear some relation to each other or to the number itself. A single word can yield multiple values depending on the cipher used.

Gematria originated as an Assyro-Babylonian-Greek system of alphanumeric code or cipher that was later adopted into Jewish culture. Similar systems have been used in other languages and cultures: earlier, the Greek isopsephy, and later, derived from or inspired by Hebrew gematria, Arabic abjad numerals, and English gematria.

A well-known example of Hebrew gematria is the word chai (“alive”), which is composed of two letters that (using the assignments in the Mispar gadol table shown below) add up to 18. This has made 18 a “lucky number” among the Jewish people. Gifts of money in multiples of 18 are very popular.[2]