7 May 2020 What to do with yourself

Hello to you.  How are you doing today?  Link and I have started to get in the patterns of the sun.  When it’s dark you go so sleep.  So here I am at the keyboard, artificial sunshine of coffee and computer screen on!  This is a process that will only last a short period of time and then I’ll have to figure out what to do next lol.  It’s better than laying in bed like I was doing, fretting about a bunch of stuff I can’t control!

Such is life these days right?  What to do with myself to keep busy but stay at home.  I’m sure if I were to peruse the internet right now I’d find all kinds of advice on what I could be doing.  I can turn on the news on any station and if it’s not covoid19 hysteria it’s other bored people, famous and not,  showing us what they are doing to not be bored at home.  Finding stuff do and being alone didn’t use to be a problem for me.  What happened is choice of whether to immerse or not immerse myself in the world has been pretty much removed.  If I go out into the world to do something, it’s getting groceries, an appointment or something pretty important I need to do.

Yesterday I shared some of my art supplies with our neighbor children.  We have a couple of Mom’s in the neighborhood with young children and it’s so challenging right now for them to keep the young one’s entertained.

The old standbys have always been drawing, writing and right now working on another corner to corner afghan.  I’ve even considered working on an edited version of a book I’ve already e-published, The Gospel According to Sam  (https://www.amazon.com/Gospel-According-Sam-Jackie-Wygant-ebook/dp/B00533VOTU) all proceeds going to charity.   The only part of me that seems to really be working right now is the writing.  I sit down to draw and  unlike years past, it’s just a blank page or trying to record what is in front of me.

6 May 2020 drawing I did last night of Link out in the backyard.

There are only so many words, so many drawings, paintings and creative ways to put together the same meals before you start to repeat yourself or others.   The other thing is I’m trying to downsize and reduce the amount of that stuff I want around the house.  Thank goodness for digital writing but even that isn’t without pitfalls…..you need a reliable way to store the media if you care to retrieve it later.  I had a hard drive I was using.  It got dropped one too many times and now the data is  is locked in there unless I can get someone with some skills to break them out!  I am having to learn to be a more transitory person and it’s hard.

So I have found myself asking, what does the God of my understanding want me doing right now?!  I want to be useful and help somehow so is my even sharing this today doing that?  Do my words here help alleviate boredom and the same things for someone other than myself?

It’s kind of like life in the extremes of weather be it extreme cold or extreme heat.  In either one, I have learned to hunker down and keep busy but sometimes my lesser natures take over and I gain weight.  Eating becoming an activity.  Thankfully here the weather has been nice so when I get really restless I put on my walking shoes and take Link out or go just by myself.  Walking does help!

Today I decided to look at the phrase staying busy.  I’m going to put all the values I’ve come up on my “travels” with gematria.  Sometimes to see the order in which I have found different number values is like a weird sentence lol:

staying busy” in the English Ordinal system equals 162 – a taking, train, insane, riches, torah, shift, poop, behaves, noise, hearing germs, right, under, humane, doubt, Queen, disease, favor, plasma, choices, under, right, audience, a miracle, polar.

one six two” in the English Ordinal system equals 144 – a mask, brain, clock, handle, hope, faith, cut, space, bored, talk.

one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 – a love, sun, play, French, voice, eyes, chemical, health, acting, spar, breath, Bavaria, butch, pods, bodies, Gabriel, Mama bear, foodie, gnome, eyes

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 – a halo, child, hair, bite, heard, hug, have, asp, agree, chips

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 – a self, new, gift, balanced, rain, run, war, raw, rare, bitch, female, rebel, Odin, sub, tail

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 – a blonde, earth, seeds, caring, speak, what, thaw, hobby, disable, heart, Pope, kept, raise, create, spice, birds, devil, dog, pee, crop, ship, going, hobby, ashes, a glaze, thaw

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a cold, chance, free, hate, breed, heat

Now all of this said, I am not trying to invite drama into my life What I wish to invite into my life is a positive, loving way I can be of service to God as I understand them.   

The last thing I want to be is a waste of space.  So I am going to trust that gradually, as I can handle it, God will show me great ways to be of service in this uncertain time.   May be in some way, I’m already doing it just blogging here?  May be somebody, that’s not me, will see my message here and get some relief from their personal struggles and be able to pass that light on to someone near or far in their own life?   That’s my hope!

The Beatitudes from the Bible. I am not a religious person, but very spiritual. Parts of the Bible like this are comforting I think.

 

 

6 May 2020 Making good choices and could basic income be an option for the US?

Hello to you.  How are you as you visit me here?  I hope this finds you well.  Aside from allergies and being awake way too darn early things are pretty decent here.  When is too early to be awake?  In dog time, from what Link tells me, it’s being awake before the sun is.  As I write, he’s still in bed!

What comes to me this morning is something I’m having to do – learning to accept my part.  What I mean by that is each of us seems to have a part we play on this stage of God’s and mine seems to be the one that I’m trying to accept.  When I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, things seem to go well.  When I’m not, well God lets me know about it.  They were pretty firm about it most recently – tough love is the phrase we are using.

To quote Albus Dumbledore: “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

So it’s  important to make good choices.

I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s hard to know what a good choice is!   In my life so far, it feels like there is a lot of hindsight on the making good choices scenario.  It feels like all too often I am  asked to make a good choice when I’m faced with a set of circumstances and limited data to go on.  As is the case recently, if it’s not me making the choice, it’s me having to trust someone else about it.

My personal barometer, “if it ain’t light, it ain’t right” works most of the time.  If my heart moves in my chest anywhere but center when making a choice, my choice my need evaluating.  Lately though, and I hadn’t planned on this part,  I am acknowledging that when I feel my heart sink into my stomach it might be because I’m being asked to get out of my comfort zone.  How do you tell the difference?!

This is a question facing so many in our world today isn’t it?

making good choices” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – a feeling, being yourself, quality of life, spirit alchemy

With this Covoid19 crisis there seems to be a lot of darned if you do, darned if you don’t!  The right answer, as I’ve been seeing a lot, might not be the popular answer or what other people want to hear.   For example, the debate in our state of Texas has been whether or not to open up businesses again.  Is it too soon?  Are these businesses prepared for the changes they need to make to be open safely?   I am noticing a lot of small businesses being forced to choose between their lives and their livelihoods.  I think if they knew they had some sort of income no matter what, they wouldn’t feel pressure to reopen so quickly.  For many, if they don’t open back up, they face losing their business which affects their lives and the communities they serve.  If they do open back up, they are putting their lives at risk being exposed to a potentially infected public.  They tried to give some of the businesses stimulus checks but it’s not enough to sustain a business for a long period like we are potentially talking about with this virus.

A model that exists and I don’t know if this would work here is Basic income.   May be something like this could help the many unemployed and or those losing their businesses from the restaurant, service, retail and agricultural sectors.   They already have people applying for aide so they know who the folks are that need help already:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basic_income

Basic income, also called universal basic income (UBI), citizen’s income, citizen’s basic income, basic income guarantee, basic living stipend, guaranteed annual income, or universal demogrant, is a governmental public program for a periodic payment delivered to all on an individual basis without means test or work requirement.[2] The incomes would be:

  • Unconditional: A basic income would vary with age, but with no other conditions. Everyone of the same age would receive the same basic income, whatever their gender, employment status, family structure, contribution to society, housing costs, or anything else.
  • Automatic: Someone’s basic income would be automatically paid weekly or monthly into a bank account or similar.
  • Non-withdrawable: Basic incomes would not be means-tested. Whether someone’s earnings increase, decrease, or stay the same, their basic income will not change.
  • Individual: Basic incomes would be paid on an individual basis and not on the basis of a couple or household.
  • As a right: Every legal resident would receive a basic income, subject to a minimum period of legal residency and continuing residency for most of the year.[3]

Basic income can be implemented nationally, regionally or locally. An unconditional income that is sufficient to meet a person’s basic needs (at or above the poverty line) is sometimes called a full basic income while if it is less than that amount, it is sometimes called partial. A welfare system with some characteristics similar to those of a basic income is a negative income tax in which the government stipend is gradually reduced with higher labor income. Some welfare systems are sometimes regarded as steps on the way to a basic income, but because they have conditions attached they are not basic incomes. If they raise household incomes to specified minima they are called guaranteed minimum income systems. For example, Bolsa Família in Brazil is restricted to poor families and the children are obligated to attend school.[4]

 

Basic income” in the English Ordinal system equals 93 – management, growing, therapy, internal, trying, parents

nine three” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 – together, stocking, trust, “to try”

nine eight’” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 – spirit, upgrades, savings, content, emotion, future, growth

nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 – sharing, tracker, humans, species, example, mixing concept

seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 – humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, expansion

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 – a the, innovation, challenge, invitation, grownups, system life

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 – a body, people matter, brain function, peace for the brain, field of study

——————-

https://washingtonmonthly.com/2020/03/18/americans-need-a-basic-income-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak/

While one-time “stimulus checks” are an option— as they were in the immediate aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis—many Americans are going to need longer-term support to weather the coming financial storm. Rather than a single shot of cash, struggling Americans will need an “emergency basic income” (EBI)—i.e. no-strings-attached, continuing cash support, similar to what former presidential candidate Andrew Yang proposed on the campaign trail.

At the time of his campaign, Yang was pushing for a “universal basic income”– a $1,000 per month entitlement for every American. The idea was expensive, impractical. and rife with the potential for unintended consequences. But now, Yang’s original conception, with some important variations, could save millions of Americans from financial catastrophe. That helps explain why its finding new life from proponents l New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (as well as Yang himself). Yet UBI need not be adopted in its original form to do a lot of good; it need not be as generous as an indefinite entitlement of $1,000 a month, nor does it need to be universal. At least not yet.

———————

I currently live on a fixed income so I understand what this is like.  My income doesn’t fluctuate that much so I have to live within my means.  I wonder if this model would work for some of the folks that had small businesses and they had to close them.  Could our country afford this system on a short term basis until be get more stabilized and beyond the crisis?

Anyhew – I’m out of my depth.  People a lot wiser out there on this but that’s just how my mind goes – from small scale to the world.   How do you make a good choice in such uncertain times.  I guess if we are honest with ourselves, now isn’t much different than it ever really was.  There is always risk in decision making.  All we can do is make the best choices we can and hope for the best.   I do hope anyone reading this, if you are in the demographic of folks I’m talking about,  that you have or can get everything you need to take care of yourselves and your families.

P.S.  The Blue Angels are supposed to be flying today – hope I get to see them!

 

 

 

5 May 2020 Uncomfortable Silence

Hello to you.  How are you doing today?  Hopefully you are doing well.

Something that comes to mind this morning is the phrase uncomfortable silence.  As I write, I’ve got an alternative station I found that I like, 103.7 fm on as background noise.  I’m getting to be one of those kind of people that has to have the sound on in my world.   That thing called comfortable silence is uncomfortable for me and it never used to be.

 

This radio used to belong to my brother-in-law Todd – still useful!

My mother-in-law used to follow ratings for television shows.  I seem to remember her talking about CSI was one that always had high ratings.  What was behind that a certain demographic, usually older Americans, put the show on as background noise even if they weren’t watching it.  I though that was funny at the time until this situation of having to stay home alone more!  I’m becoming one of those people!

So today I give thanks for local programming and the radio stations that keep the world interesting for me.  Right now I don’t have access to streaming services without paying for it.  I’m trying Amazon Prime video and took a look at Patrick Melrose yesterday.  I couldn’t get through the first episode.  It was hard to see Benedict Cumberbatch being such a convincing addict.  I much prefer seeing him as Sherlock Holmes (minus the addict part) and Dr. Strange!  There are some other interesting shows to check out whilst I work on my afghan.

I find myself going a bit stir crazy staying in the house so I’ll meander out for a walk.  This isn’t such a bad thing as I gained some weight during my hospital stay.  I’m starting to remember why one can lose your mind a bit being trapped in the house.  In the past, it was just because of extremes of weather.  I can remember being in a shelter in Mississippi  during a hurricane and how tough that was.  I was in a shelter with a bunch of other people and it was dark and even smelly at times.  We ate peanut butter and crackers in the dark.  As tough as that was,  there was an end in sight.  With this virus and containment,  there doesn’t seem to be a definitive end.  I understand better why there are protesters in different placing demanding things get opened back up.  We are social creatures and are made to do stuff besides staying at home.

I wonder if this is the plants way of healing itself?  For all the bad things that have happened and tragedy, good things have been happening for the planet.   The biggest thing is a reduction in air pollution!  I wonder how can we keep that going once life starts to resume it’s course?

https://nypost.com/2020/04/07/3-ways-the-coronavirus-is-a-boon-to-the-environment/

ITOE6561 4 May 2020 Breaking through marker picture Jackie Wygant Alvarado TX

First drawing with markers – thinking of breaking through barriers in my life.

a uncomfortable silence” in the English Ordinal system equals 213 – (ironically month and day I was born!)

 

 

4 May 2020 Downsizing (gradually)

Hello to you.   I am writing again today as a way to cope with the cabin fever I’m experiencing lately.  Link and I keep each other company but I sure miss talking to people on a regular basis!   Writing a blog like this is kind of like talking to yourself I guess and hoping something about your self talk will resonate with someone else!

My life is extremely well documented with journals all the way back to high school.  I have a big black trunk full of journals!  Problem is, I’ve got nobody to pass them on to!  It’s sad but I don’t exactly have access to professional archivists busting down my door to help me out.   So like so many little people in history, much of my story is about to be inherited by the recycle bin!

Talking to my Mom helped me today to work through it though.  There is just a lot of things that other than you, nobody cares about that we hold on to.  Most people have enough cares of their own much less taking on more stuff from someone else.  We talked not just about journals but also about knick knacks and other things we typically hold on to.  She helped me get over my phobia of giving away stuff someone gave to me.   In most cases they aren’t going to know or even remember giving the stuff to me anyways.

At my phase of life and hers, it’s getting to the point unless it’s useful and or practical, there is no point in having it.   I don’t want to have to keep track of stuff if we end up moving from here.  There is a part of me that would like to do what they did and move to a townhome or smaller place with an Home owners association (HOA) to keep up the property.

Her and Dad did a huge downsizing to move into the place they are living now.  A lot of my Dad’s collections ended up getting sold at a garage sale.  I told her I was both sad yet relieved about that.  Part of me would have loved to inherit his Mickey Mouse snow globes but part of me is relieved I didn’t!

I guess in light of recent events and turning 52 this year, I am kind of taking stock of things and  wanting to lighten the load a bit.   I have attempted archiving before and just couldn’t stick with it.  I just get overwhelmed by it!

The world I live in now is very digital.  When I think of even the video game world my husband and I have spent a lot of time in, you have server space to “hoard” up miscellaneous items.  You have a certain amount of space and any additional space above what they give you costs you money to increase.  There is a very temporary feeling to a digital world existence.  Pixilated items can be deleted and the space reconfigured to accomodate something else – if only the real world was more like that right?  My journals will be destroyed and become something else but unlike digital media, cannot be recovered once they are gone.

Someone said it a nice way, by recycling my journals, I will be returning the words back to Source.

Thank you for reading.  Writing this has helped me work through this.   Has anyone else been through a similar journey?

 

 

30 April 2020 Finding balance

Hello to you – how are you in your day today?  I’m doing pretty good.  The world is pretty still for me right now after conquering some of the hurdles I had waiting for me when I got home.

What has come to mind this morning is finding balance when the world seems to be out of balance.  Every time I turn on the television.  Every page that comes up when I open the internet.  Almost every conversation with family and friends.  What is it all about right now?  That darn Corona virus!  What do I want to give my power to about it?  Not how many people are sick, not how many people have died, not all the ways we have failed in containing this thing.  What do I want to focus on?  How many people have lived?  What have we done right?  The countless HERO’S that I have personally encountered and know working in the the medical profession right now.   I have friends and family in nursing and all I want for them is their safety and outstanding health on this journey each day.

Coming from the experience I recently have come from with healthcare, even when things seem their worst, God, as I understand, finds a way to punch through the darkness with hope and light.

I believe that what you focus on gains power in the world.  The more we focus on the negatives, not to deny negatives exist, the more power we give to what we don’t want going on in the world!  I encourage everyone reading this to amplify their positive prayers, mediations and just energy signatures in the world….empowerment!

So as the scales skitter back and forth like trying to weigh ourselves on a scale, I hope a healthy balance, a healthy “weight” will be achieved.

finding balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 101 – system

one zero one” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 – life

one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 – motive

one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 – choice

one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – Joy

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 – food

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – feeling

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 – all

 

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – one

 

31 January 2020 – Living alone together

Hello to you.  It’s been awhile since I posted anything.  I am currently going through some challenging times in my life and haven’t been feeling like doing much.  I hope something in what I will share here will help you if you find yourself visiting my blog today.

What I am currently facing is something similar to what I went through in my previous marriage.  The experience of living with someone but feeling like you are just sharing a space but not truly connected like you once were.  I call it, living alone together.  It’s not a condition I want to exist but it currently does.

I am the sort of person who can get carried away into many different directions at once and find it difficult to be in the present moment all the time.  To be in a healthy relationship with someone, I think you have to communicate and sometimes even that breaks down.  For my husband and I, we have had the same conversations so many times, our own personal echo chamber if you will.  After a time, things just get stale.  We used to share a lot of the same interests but over time, things have changed for both of us.  I think this world has changed and not necessarily for the better.

I am currently trying to find a way to navigate through my current circumstances and maintain a positive attitude.  I have been writing letters, writing in a journal, taking pictures, cleaning and organizing the house, doing yard work, going for walks, doing crafts, trying to eat better and get enough sleep, trying to communicate more with loved ones as coping mechanisms. Our two dogs are affected by what is going on as much as we are.  I think it must be very confusing to them.

I ran a couple of words-numbers phrases in line with this topic.  As I have mentioned before in previous posts,  I want to emphasize my interpretation of these numbers isn’t the only interpretation.  You may see something else.  You may be experiencing something else.  It’s interesting to me to see the patterns.  May be for your own experience there are other things you would add:

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/ (online calculator I use for this but I have a personal offline system also)

Energy fields emitted from a life form = 342 174/159/118/117/133/146

(one = 34, self= 42)

resonance = 94 102/156/128/141/128/141……

(why=56 141=energy exchange 28=man)

fluctuating energy levels in the types of energy consumed=575 149/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134…..

(human=57 spiral/eternal=75 way/cause=49 child=36 self=42 earth=52 one=34 animal/easy/fight/Joy/role=50 food=40 all=25)

a balanced energy diet = 155 118/117/133/146

(shared/wages=55 true love/modification/scent glands/wonderful/concentrate=118 I’m sorry/nurture/humility/upbringing=117 temptation/community/don’t give up = 133 (the=33) people matter/brain function/peace for the brain = 146 (body=46)

metabolism = 109/140

“to have a healthy metabolism” = 260 174/159/118/117/133/146

(energy=74 five = 42 nine= 42 self=42 (the five senses of the body and nine (nein) or no self)

living alone = 120 156/128/141/128/141…..

living by yourself = 221 150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125

(understanding/communication/fifty states/uncertainty/divine planning/possession = 150 feeling=58)

living with someone you are married to but feeling alone = 555 126/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134……

(God/dog/game = 26 brain/faith=44 sun/love/play/voice=54 child=36 self=42)

alone = 152

together = 98 91/76/117/133/146

(spirit=91 sharing/fiction/divorce/revenge/humans/master/species/draining/contact/example/crying/mixing/concept/losing/a cat’s life = 76)

positive attitude = 215/134

negative attitude = 183 139/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150……..

(positive = 115 negative=83 attitude=100 culture=100)

4 Sept 2019 Horse Apple Tree – Alvarado TX

2 Sept 2019 Jackie Wygant cell phone picture horse apple tree next to abandoned house near The Family Dollar Alvarado TX

The other day I was walking to the Family Dollar down the street and happened to notice this beautiful tree living near an abandoned house across the street from our local Elementary School.  I got to thinking about how nice it would be if that property could be annexed to the school for learning about plants and nature; like a nature learning center or something.  There is a large field next to it I imagined being turned into a community garden and it could also be part of the learning center.  I imagined children learning how to grow their own food and appreciating nature like I do.

https://lancaster.unl.edu/enviro/pest/nebline/hedgeapple.htm

Facts and Myths of Hedge Apples
by Dr. Barbara Ogg, Extension Educator

This article appeared in the October 2001 NEBLINE Newsletter

This time of year, hedge apples – the fruit from the Osage-orange tree – are being sold at farmer’s markets, garden centers, and other locations. Many people have heard that these fruits can be used as an insect repellent, but the truth is that many people don’t know much else about this unusual tree and its fruit.

The Tree and Its Fruit:

Osage-Orange Tree - Click on Image for Larger ViewThe Osage-orange is a small to medium-sized tree, having a short trunk and a rounded or irregular crown. The twigs are buff to orange-brown and are armed with one-half inch long spines. The stems exude a milky sap when cut. The Osage-orange is dioecious, meaning that male and female flowers are produced on separate trees. The small, green flowers appear in May or June. Female trees produce 3-to 5-inch diameter fruit which ripen in September or October and fall to the ground.

Native Habitat and Current Distribution:

The Osage-orange is native to a small area in eastern Texas, southeastern Oklahoma, and southwestern Arkansas. This region is the home of the Osage Indians which gives the tree its common name. Settlers found that the Osage-orange transplanted easily, tolerated poor soils, extreme heat, and strong winds and had no serious insect or disease problems. It was widely planted in the Midwest as a living fence because, when pruned into a hedge, it provided an impenetrable barrier to livestock. The development of barbed wire curtailed its widespread planting, but many Osage-orange trees can still be found in fence rows.

Osage-orange fence post - Click on Image for Larger viewUses of the Osage-Orange:

The wood is extremely hard, heavy, durable and shrinks or swells little compared to the wood of other trees. The wood is used for fence posts, treenails, furniture, and archery bows. In fact, many archers consider the wood of the Osage-orange to be the world’s finest wood for bows. Another common name for this tree, bodark, is from the French bios d’arc meaning “bow wood.” This tree also produces a bright yellow dye which can be extracted from the wood.

The fruit of the Osage-orange is a nuisance in the home landscape and has little value. Hedge apples are not an important source of food for wildlife as most birds and animals find the fruit unpalatable. The thorny trees do provide nesting and cover for wildlife.

The belief about the use of hedge apples for insect control is widespread and persistent. it is claimed that placing hedge apples around the foundation or inside the basement will repel or control insects. A few years ago, Iowa State University toxicologists extracted compounds from hedge apples. When concentrated, these compounds were found to repel insects.

Scientists also found that natural concentrations of these compounds in the fruit were too low to be an effective repellent. So, don’t be fooled into spending much to use hedge apples as an insect repellent.

If you decide to pick hedge apples to check out the repellency yourself or to use the fruit as a fall decoration, it would be wise to wear gloves. The milky juice present in the stems and fruit of the Osage-orange can irritate the skin.

Insects, Spiders, Mice and MoreReturn for more information on Insects, Spiders, Mice and More

Looking for information about a specific insect pest or your local wildlife? Visit here.


USE OF THE EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS: You may reproduce the Educational Resource Guides for educational purposes but not for sales purposes (unless otherwise indicated as a sales item–these items may not be reproduced). Videotapes are copyrighted and may not be reproduced. If you have questions about using any photographs or images, visit Credits for use. You’re also welcome to link to “Insects, Spiders, Mice and More” from your website. Please credit: University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension in Lancaster County (http://lancaster.unl.edu/enviro/pest/bug.htm)

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/ – site I use to look at words and phrases.  It helps me learn in a different way.

horse apple tree” in the English Ordinal system equals 163

(empath – 63)

hedge apples” in the English Ordinal system equals 98

(together – 98)

Osage-Orange tree” in the English Ordinal system equals 155

(shared – 55)

7 August 2019 “Being there”

Hello to you.  I’ve been away for quite awhile again.  Lately there have been many things going on in my life that have required my attention on a personal, physical, emotional and spirit level while I am trying to heal from a recent fall.  I won’t burden you with the details.  This morning my husband and I can’t sleep again even with it being quiet and dark.  A lot on our minds, bodies and spirits these days.  I believe it is in our house and outside of our houses that affect us on every level – directly and indirectly by the very nature of how our systems are connected as living organisms.

One of the things on my mind right now is how to be there for my family and my friends and still have something left for me.  In my current condition I am not able to be there for those I love in the same capacity I have been able to in the past and I kind of beat myself up for it!  Am I being a bad friend?  A bad daughter?  A bad wife?  Then comes the “shouldn’ing” all over myself which doesn’t help!   So I ran a couple things to share with those of you who this might resonate with – those who might be feeling/going through this right now and have need of a different way to see it:

“Being there” = 93/98/91/76/117/133/146

9 = 42 = self  (a “no” self as 5 also equals 42 but I think of this as the feeling/five senses/physical self) 3 = 56 = 42/52  (“self earth”)

98 = together  91= spirit  76 = humans  33= the  46 = body

Being there for a friend = 189

1=34 =one  8=49=alive  9=42=self (add 34 + 49 + 42 = 125 and 25 = all, “a all” = 26 which = God)

Sometimes we can’t be there like we want to for a friend or how a friend might expect us to be so we can pray for them to the God/Gods of our understanding.  If you don’t like that – just even having a loving/positive thought for them.  It is different for each of us.  Sometimes we just can’t be there for someone like they think they want or need from us.  An energy greater than ourselves must step in our place for them.  For many, that is God.

Being there for family = 198

1=34=one  9=42=self 8=49=alive (add 34 + 42 + 49 = 125)

Being there for yourself = 253

2=58=feeling  5=42=self  3=56=light  (add 58 + 42 + 56 = 156) (56’s I have found, why, light out and there are more but these are a couple)

156/128/141/128/141…. = a why a man a garbage?  a why a man energy exchange.

For me personally, for the past several months, years…may be most of my life I have questioned my worth, my value….am I garbage?  Did God make a mistake by making me?  What I have had to do is find a way to make peace within myself so I don’t hate myself all the time.  People like my husband, family, my friends all seem to love and care about me but if I don’t love myself, their energies are wasted on me.  One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, still do, is tell the person in the mirror I love them.

As I age, that girl looking back at me has changed but when I look in her eyes, that little girl is still looking back at me and I can’t stop loving her.  The God I know has changed through the years – stripped down now to energetic form.  Why would God expend all that energy to make something and not love it?  The human world is full now of creations cast aside, seeming mistakes.  Are they really mistakes if God is in all of us?  Made all of us?  Who decides but God?!  These are the questions of our time.

We have all been given a set of clothes to wear in this life and underneath them is energy, children of God.  Sometimes our inner child gets lost and just wants to be comforted.  We cast about in this world to get some relief from the pain that child may be enduring and we can’t find it!  I have gone through that process so many times in my life and it was due in great part to a black, white and tan cocker spaniel named Sam that I found out nothing can fill the void that is created by loss but God.  Isn’t it ironic that God turned around is dog.  Yes, people living and dead in my life have taught me a great deal of life but with Sam there were no conditions.

I will close for now.  I am typing one-handed so can’t do this so often.  I hope something here is what you were looking for and or needed today.

 

The Wasp

 

*Seeing this today was like they were showing me, “Hey, look what my job is! I have value, I have worth!”  We used to be mean to the wasps until I took the time to learn their job in nature actually is.  From what I have personally witnessed, their purpose for existence includes trying to keep our trees healthy.  Since trees are basically the lungs of the planet, I think that’s a pretty important job!   I have read conflicting information about wasps online.  My personal experience is they are helpers and teachers.  What came through in the numbers is a pecan tree and a teacher have a pattern in common.  What I believe is we all, whatever form, are teachers, students, messages and receivers of those messages.  I believe everyone has value in one way or another.  It’s not always easy to understand what we are trying to convey to each other.  I don’t think we should give up trying!

133 – “don’t give up”

Wasp – 59/84/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140…….

*remember, these are only just a few of the meanings of these numbers that I have found for myself and am sharing with you.

59’s – dragon, social, size, gather, larvae, learned

84’s – lesson, daughter, motive, “create life”

109 – struggle

40’s – food, weak

58’s – lunch, want, “eat life”, feeling

25’s – all

34’s – chance, free, heat

134 – information

50’s – easy, fight, numb

150’s – understanding, communication, positive image, energy draining, possession, pure oxygen

“The Wasp” – 92/100/162/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140……..

92’s – thinking, seasons, training, opinion, purging, relative, picture, appetite, day shift

100’s – sources, services, attitude, collecting, culture, acknowledge, accumulate, intellect, boundary

62’s – taking, riches, behaves, noise, hearing, germs, humane, queen, disease, favor, plasma, choices

162’s – “break in routine,” “eyes of the sun,” “to have conscience”

44’s – brain, talk

144 – disruption

54’s – love, sun, voice, chemical, health, acting, breath, bodies

154’s – comprehension, “a feeling process,” “point of view,” autonomous

36’s – child, bite, heard, asp, agree

136’s – evaporation, “life experience,” “human nature,” “mixed signals,” “speaking voice”

42’s – self, new, gift, balanced, rain, war, female, rebel

142’s – profiteering, “we are all related,” temperature, “food is energy ,” “energy language,” brain trust, life purpose,

52’s – earth, seeds, caring, speak, heart, raise, create, birds, crop,

152’s – amber tree resin, positive drama, positive being,

pecan tree – 87/114/128/141/128/141……….

87- person, truth, roots, justice

pecan – 39/98/91/76/117/133/146

98 – killer bees (I found this value trying to figure out why people may have a fear of bees/wasps.  Remember those old Killer bee television shows and movies?  When I was a very small girl I can remember drinking a can of soda without realizing a bee was in the can and I got stung.  I was pretty freaked out!  It wasn’t the bee’s fault but a “seed of fear” was planted that I had to actively overcome through time.  I did this through trying to understand them instead of thinking they were all bad. The same principle I have used towards other insects and life forms to include people.  It’s not easy to do but for me personally, it has been worth trying to do.)

76 – humans

117’s – nurture, “I’m sorry,” dissection, projecting, “broken earth,” humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, cultivated, heartbroken, water falls (If you look at a pecan it looks like a human brain in the shell and they are considered a healthy food for the brain). http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/2016/11/pecans-provide-brain-boost.html

tree – 48/109/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150……….

https://www.lung.org/ – The American Lung Association website

https://www.arborday.org/ – The Arbor Day Foundation website

helpers – 83/105/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150……..

83’s – wisdom, nerves, non-biased

teacher – 60/116/120/156/128/141/28/141…….

“make peace” = 60

19 June 2019 “People Message”

Hello to you.  I hope this finds you well today.  I have started exploring some things using sumerian gematra values in addition to the ordinal on this website: https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/ and this morning, with just a few key words, saw some pretty interesting patterns I wanted to share with those who have been interested in what I’m doing….following along so to speak.  I have my own personal reference for key words that showed up to me here.  I am providing a couple at the end of this, but I encourage you to look at this for yourself and see what it says to you personally.  The main reason I do this is for that reason, it’s a conversation.

Words (sumerian) = 474  1110/996/816/810/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996….repeating pattern

Words (ordinal) = 79  107/163/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Numbers (sumerian) = 552 852/894/906/948/906…..repeating pattern

Numbers (ordinal) = 92 100/162/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Phrases (sumerian) = 516 768/996/816/810/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Phrases (ordinal) = 86 101/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Meaning (sumerian) = 378 1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Meaning (ordinal) = 63  108/147/159/118/117/133/146

Reason (sumerian) = 432 1044/1308/1218/1050/1224/1260/1248/1206/1248….repeating pattern

Reason (ordinal) = 72 123/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Message (sumerian) = 414 924/960/948/906/948/906….repeating pattern

Message (ordinal) = 69 94/102/156/128/141

Communication (sumerian) = 900 1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Communication (ordinal) = 150 140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Memory (sumerian) = 534 948/906/948/906….repeating pattern

Memory (ordinal) = 89  91/76/117/133/146

Remember (sumerian) = 474 1110/996/816/810/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996….repeating pattern

Remember (ordinal) =  79  107/163/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134/150

Conversation (sumerian) = 930 972/990/888/882/936/900/1020/1320/1272/1290/1188/996…..repeating pattern

Conversation (ordinal) = 155 118/117/133/146

“Do not forget me”  (ordinal) = 157/141/128/141

“Do not forget me” (sumerian) = 942 960/948/906/948

people (sumerian) = 414 924/960/948/906//948/906…..repeating pattern

message (sumerian) = 414

people (ordinal) = 69 94/102/156/128/141/128….repeating pattern

message (ordinal) = 69


Some key words/phrases that may or may not help you comprehend the above information*

*it’s important to remember I have only found just a few of these so far and I would be taking away from the adventure if I just gave them all to you!  If you decide and or have decided to do this for yourself, you will find more word/number values as you go through the experience.  I encourage you to make up your own personal key code list for reference.  Part of the wonder of this for me is finding the values during the process.  One word/number value will often lead me to another and as that happens, as I’ve shown above with the repeating patterns, it’s interesting to see the connections/associations.

I think you will find, as I have, sometimes as you go through a train of thought using this, a message will be there specifically for you and no one else.  This process is helping me work through the chronic trust issues I have and I am sharing to help others who might be going through the same thing and haven’t found anything else to help them.

This is not something I have chosen to “monetize/commoditize” for profit and that’s why I haven’t and don’t intend to do so if at all possible.

As I’ve stated before, this system has been around a very long time!  I’m very much a novice yet about this system of communication.  I think I’m making good progress considering I have never had any formal training/teaching given to me about it.    I’m kind of glad I haven’t had formal training.  I have to wonder if that’s why it’s going the way it has? I feel like sometimes when we have formal training about things of this nature we can get kind of narrow minded about it.  In places I used to be narrow minded about religion/spirituality, this system has opened me up to new thoughts and patterns.

I think a basic foundation that is important with this whole process is learning the alphabet, learning to read, learning how to count/do basic math and for me personally, I have explored the Bible and other spiritual writings by various authors of various walks of faith and spirituality.     

all/fame = 25

God/dog/card/game/lie/eat/ate/bear/tea = 26

feel/read/man = 28

due/baby/peace/Bible/day/make/date = 30

agenda, life, again = 32

halo/child/hair/bite/heard = 36

garbage/sail/alien/cow/fuck/help/blind/awake/key = 41  (yes, I included THAT word)

anger/milk/bath/bridge/denial/leader/cheese/cool = 45

blonde/earth/seeds/caring/speak/what/thaw/hobby = 52

sun/love/play/voice/eyes = 54

horn/warm/cloud/satan/move/higher/wire = 55

drive/star/feeling/fragile/glass/Father/lunch/night/asleep/bedtime/illegal/reading = 58

color/carpet/traffic/skill/divine = 63

music/white/broken/backyard/poker/cleaning/random/alphabet = 65

woman/beasts/family/happy/walks/twin/freedom/relics = 66

ways/house/waste/right/married/sweat/war dog/key code/planet = 68

animals/people/husband/slow/wealth/fatigue/message = 69

machines/quiet/money/singer/discord/charisma/marriage/school/stuff/boredom/crochet/world = 72

clouds/energy/nuclear/Jesus/Lucifer/trauma = 74

feelings/power/Christ/things/glory/teapot/store/forbidden/wearing/temper = 77

nature/listen/remember/zones/watches/mother/should/relocate/super/disobey/ground/loving/murder/your/bribery/addiction = 79

filthy/behavior/rebirth/plastic/empathy/gullible/handyman/letter/short/fighting/laptop/learning = 80

wanting/allergies/ghosts/policeman/exercise = 88

courier/insects/memory/religion/location/disappear/anatomy = 89

thirteen/egocentric/judgement/fortune/tradesmen/sickness/answers/open minded = 99

estrogen/suspect/expecting/counting = 103

conscious/unfaithful/negative image/witnessed = 118

counseling/sympathy/mentality/expensive= 119

courageous/surprise/examination/super girl/mystery/previous/”I don’t know”/resistant/solution/spiritual = 125

copper wire = 128

commandments/information/combinations = 134

energy exchange = 141

understanding/communication/fifty states/uncertainty/divine planning/positive image = 150

comprehension/copper tools = 154

critical thinking = 167

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gematria

Gematria /ɡəˈmtriə/ (Hebrew: .mw-parser-output .script-hebrew,.mw-parser-output .script-Hebr{font-size:1.15em;font-family:”Ezra SIL”,”Ezra SIL SR”,”Keter Aram Tsova”,”Taamey Ashkenaz”,”Taamey David CLM”,”Taamey Frank CLM”,”Frank Ruehl CLM”,”Keter YG”,”Shofar”,”David CLM”,”Hadasim CLM”,”Simple CLM”,”Nachlieli”,”SBL BibLit”,”SBL Hebrew”,Cardo,Alef,”Noto Serif Hebrew”,”Noto Sans Hebrew”,”David Libre”,David,”Times New Roman”,Gisha,Arial,FreeSerif,FreeSans} גמטריא or גימטריה, plural גמטראות or גמטריאות, gematriot)[1] is an alphanumeric code of assigning a numerical value to a name, word or phrase based on its letters. People who practice gematria believe that words with identical numerical values may bear some relation to each other or to the number itself. A single word can yield multiple values depending on the cipher used.

Gematria originated as an Assyro-Babylonian-Greek system of alphanumeric code or cipher that was later adopted into Jewish culture. Similar systems have been used in other languages and cultures: earlier, the Greek isopsephy, and later, derived from or inspired by Hebrew gematria, Arabic abjad numerals, and English gematria.

A well-known example of Hebrew gematria is the word chai (“alive”), which is composed of two letters that (using the assignments in the Mispar gadol table shown below) add up to 18. This has made 18 a “lucky number” among the Jewish people. Gifts of money in multiples of 18 are very popular.[2]