6 March 2022 Sunday

Check out 6 March 2022 Sunday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1417332045

Windy but sunny Sunday

Hello to you. How has your weekend been? It’s been kind of busy for me the past couple of days. Yesterday the church I go to needed help setting up so I went and helped. It’s something I can do even if my legs and back haven’t been being so friendly lately! Helping yesterday made me realize how much is going on behind the scenes to keep things going!

Later on my Aunt and I got together. We kind of just drove around Middleton. She drove me past the house the church is leasing for the next 5 years. They are calling it The Grace House. The plan is to use the place as an office and for things like Bible Study and Life Group meetings. It’s really a beautiful little Victorian style house that reminds me of the Painted Ladies in Colorado Springs CO. During our visit she was able to convince me that it’s time to get a new mattress! She used her Costco membership and we found one. My tax refund money going to a good cause. We think some of the pain I’m going through in my lower body is related to having s bad mattress. To celebrate we went to Jalapeños in Nampa and that way we got to see Uncle John. We are keeping many of our family members near and far in prayer and of course our entire world with all that is going on!

The service this morning was really good. Pastor Jason talked about renovation of our hearts and touched a bit on free will. That God gives us the free will to make choices but ultimately has the final say. Kind of like how I think of God being like the parent ultimately having the say over what happens in the lives of their children. Free will only goes so far. There are consequences for our choices both good and bad. I liked this: “Definition of the heart: where decisions or choices are made for the whole person. “ In thinking about this message about the heart I got more insight on the area I struggle with understanding – free will. It’s the sometimes sketchy area of like all things that once they leave their creator they develop a life….a story independent of their creator. Many things in this world are created and abandoned. We are being reassured that such is not the case with God. Pastor shared something that really affected me. He said there was a point in his life that considered suicide! What a loss it would have been. He wouldn’t be there to help me with aspects of loving and knowing God that I’m struggling with! I like to hear his stories.

Tomorrow morning we are meeting at the Grace House to do some cleaning before furniture is moved in. I hope we get a good turn out to help. https://www.idahograce.com/

The messages from A woman’s Spirit for yesterday and today were about the value of time in our lives and the healing gift of sharing our stories. For me personally, I have found that time and distance have been great healers for coping with difficult things in my life. The farther I get from a situation, the less it hurts. The same can be said for sharing stories about trials I have faced. The more I talk about it the less it hurts each time. Like I mentioned in my Twitch Stream this morning there are generations before mine that don’t like to talk about things they have faced or are facing. They keep it to themselves. I think by doing this they harm themselves and deny others the experience of hearing about hope. It’s like “I have faced this situation. I’m facing a trial but there is hope in it. I got through it…I’m getting through it.” It’s kind of looked down on by many those people who dump their troubles on someone else but I try to remember boundaries and also that even though there are 7 billion plus people on earth, so many people fall through the cracks….. literally have no one they feel they can confide in. I have felt that way before. Only having a therapist to really talk about and talk out what I was going through.

A Woman’s Spirit Messages:

“Time is my friend today. Each minute brings to me an experience I am ready for.”

“All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them.” – Isak Dinesen

“I will tell a part of my story to someone today. She may be helped by it, and I will be free from it!”

4 March 2022 Dreams

Check out 4 March 2022 Friday chat (dreams) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1415186521

Hello to you. How are you today? It’s a sunny Friday here in Middleton. It’s a lovely 45 degrees! Spring is definitely in the air!

Last night I experienced a lot of dreams. The first dream was of laying in a bed and looking out into another room of pitch black. It was like I was in another persons body and was struggling to say The Lords Prayer. The person was so scared they could hardly speak the words. I woke up into another dream where I was crying for my Dad. I woke up into yet another dream where my stepmom appeared by the light by my bed asking if I was alright. It was like she was really there. I got out of bed and followed her down a hall. I told her I was worried about Dad and described the first dream I had! It was so comforting for me to see her. There were lots of other dreams but these really stood out because of how they were like having dreams within dreams…thinking your awake but your still sleeping.

Todays Twitch Stream was short. Sometimes it’s like that – short and sweet is all that’s needed. The message from A Woman’s Spirit talked about how some lessons in this life are painful. How occasionally our Higher Power has to get our attention. How we can pray for help to understand these experiences. I look at what is going on in my individual world and realize that I need to keep being more active to combat the pain I’m feeling in my legs. As I look at my life I am realizing that God is starting to ask more of me and gradually I am able to give it. I look at what is going on in the world and see with the crisis that is going on we as a world are pulling together- some of us praying more now than we ever have. We as a world have a common goal of wanting peace and good relations with our neighbors near and abroad. We are once again learning with war how fragile peace is…..how fragile we are. We are learning how much we have in common. Last night I not only prayed for the Ukraine but I prayed for the world- that God will take Putin in hand and set things right again – war isn’t ok! We’ve come too far as a world to resort to such things. What are we supposed to be learning with this conflict?!

“I will experience the calm times and the storms. From both I will discover my purpose.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

Psalm 32:10

Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.

1 March 2022 Tuesday

Check out 1 March 2021 Tuesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1412137597

Hello to you. How are you today? We are having a gray and overcast morning. It was rough last night. I had trouble getting to sleep last night.

Lots of birthdays this month. Today is my cousins wife and my Uncles wife birthday. Happy birthday!

Today’s Twitch Stream touched on several topics. One was money. I don’t feel like there is anything wrong with it but if you make it the primary motive for doing things life can be so empty. It’s an energy just like anything else – what you do with it. The other thing we talked about is how this world is really crazy right now. It’s a time to really look for the helpers….to be one of the helpers in these times in whatever way you can. Something simple everyone can do is with prayer and meditation. Turn your thoughts and your heart toward things of the Spirit….to the God of your understanding. Be one of the lights. I know it’s hard. I’m struggling with this myself!

Messages from A Woman’s Spirit:

“ The journey to a new life – physically, mentally , and spiritually —includes the joy of rediscovering a faith that had been lost.” – Louise A. Rice

“I will let my faith work in my life today. Nothing has to upset me,”

“Recovery is an intensely spiritual process that asks us to grow in our understanding of God. “ – Melody Beattie

“Believing in God’s presence today will make every experience rich with meaning. I am not alone, now or ever. “

A message from Fred Rogers about looking for the helpers: https://youtu.be/NB5uSHCIgS0

Human Family by Maya Angelou: https://youtu.be/eL_ofpwicsc

I note the obvious differences
In the human family.
Some of us are serious,
Some thrive on comedy.Some declare their lives are lived
As true profundity,
And others claim they really live
The real reality.The variety of our skin tones
Can confuse, bemuse, delight,
Brown and pink and beige and purple,
Tan and blue and white.I’ve sailed upon the seven seas
And stopped in every land,
I’ve seen the wonders of the world
Not yet one common man.I know ten thousand women
Called Jane and Mary Jane,
But I’ve not seen any two
Who really were the same.Mirror twins are different
Although their features jibe,
And lovers think quite different thoughts
While lying side by side.We love and lose in China,
We weep on England’s moors,
And laugh and moan in Guinea,
And thrive on Spanish shores.We seek success in Finland,
Are born and die in Maine.
In minor ways we differ,
In major we’re the same.I note the obvious differences
Between each sort and type,
But we are more alike, my friends,
Than we are unalike.We are more alike, my friends,
Than we are unalike.We are more alike, my friends,
Than we are unalike.

I pray for the people in conflict right now be it a person at war with themself to entire countries like the Ukraine and Russia. I pray for all leaders in this world that God will give them wisdom and enlighten them to see a future of light.

28 February 2022 Monday

Check out 28 February 2022 Monday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1410862988

Hello to you. How are you? I wasn’t here yesterday. I decided to take the day off. I went to church in the morning and once again I had trouble with the message. It’s probably just me. As a person who is very sensitive and uses my heart and feelings a lot it was hard to hear that I shouldn’t be doing that so much. I don’t think God just wants a bunch of automatons running around doing his bidding. Don’t we have free will? I am working on turning to God first but still use my heart. We prayed for the people of the Ukraine. I’m praying for them, Russia and this whole world. I’m praying for Putin too. It’s easy to pray for those who like and love us. We need to pray for those who harm us too.

Anyhew. After church I went with my friend to a rock and gem show in Boise. Wow! From the first table on I could feel the place was just vibrating! It’s like the rocks and gems were all crying out “hey! Pick me!” As I’ve mentioned before I used to really have a problem with compulsively buying jewelry. So me going to such an event was tough but I was good and didn’t buy anything. ALOT of beautiful things were there and lots of people. We went to Dickeys Barbeque afterwards and that tasted good. We both had the brisket. It was kind of weird as there was only two people running the whole place. It looked like s lot of their business was carry out. It was nice to get out with a friend!

In the evening I watched the rebroadcast of Elevation Church service and that was interesting. Pastor Steven Furtick was reading from Genesis. How everything God created had a purpose. He tied that in with an example of what people do, like being birds put in a fish bowl. Birds were made to fly. So many of us aren’t doing what we were made for. I think he was saying we were designed to worship God and that’s not entirely what’s happening. It’s the world we’ve made where the primary amount of our existence is devoted to the worship and care of people, places and things. It’s hard sometimes to find a balance in our devotions! To put our relationship with God as we understand them first in our busy lives.

“Choosing love as a way of life eliminates most of the conflict that undermines our well-being . Having faith that God is in charge takes care of the rest.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

26 February 2022 Responsible Creation

It was hard getting up this morning

Hello to you. How’s your day going? I’m getting a late start to the day. I just didn’t want to get out of bed!

Check out 26 February 2022 Saturday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1408892493 my

Todays Twitch stream was good. We talked about a lot of stuff today! Addiction, the choice to have pets, psalm 26, different cultures living together, world peace, technology and responsible creation. One of my viewers asked if I feel like technology has brought people together and my answer was yes but it’s also a bit of an illusion. With technology I’m able to communicate with people all over the world – something without technology I wouldn’t be able to do. Without technology my life would be very lonely….but I have to remind myself that technology isn’t a replacement for one to one contact. Technology can’t replace what happens between people having face to face contact.

I wish there were more visionaries in the world of creation. So much of our worlds operations is based on short sightedness. How much money will this make me? Not how will this be a benefit to mankind. Follow from creation and through the entire life cycle of what is being created – where is what I want to create going to end up? Taking responsibility for our creations. When I really started thinking about my crafts and hobbies I ended up stopping a lot of what I was doing! I liked to paint but realized the environmental impact of my enjoying it – the paint in the water for example. One area of late that I am concerned about with this is robotics. I would like to see more vigilance….more regulation but it’s already kind of too late! Anyways, talked about a lot today.

“Focus on how we are the same not how we are different.” – me

My thoughts and prayers are with the people of the Ukraine and Russia – any part of our shared world that is in conflict of any kind. We must learn to focus as a world on what we have in common not how we are different – what separates us. It’s like taking out your mental gratitude list. Once you think of one thing a whole bunch of others come to your mind! I just hope everything is going to be alright with all of this.

I highly recommend this video – we are all responsible for the “stuff” that gets manifested in this world: https://youtu.be/9GorqroigqM

ob·so·les·cence/ˌäbsəˈlesəns/Learn to pronouncenoun

  • the process of becoming obsolete or outdated and no longer used.”computers are infamous for their rapid obsolescence”

The Ocean Clean up Project: https://youtu.be/8HQEd_IX6A8. I’m very proud there are young people like Boyan Slat in the world.

29 January 2022 Saturday

Check out 29 January 2022 Saturday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1280050945

Hello. How are you today? I hope good. I’m feeling pretty good. I got some sleep and that makes the world of difference!

First drawing in my new sketchbook today

The Twitch stream this morning was good. I got a chance to talk about some things I hadn’t talked about before. For example some of what was going on with media and my brain when I had all those manic episodes. How it’s really important to be mindful of what you feed your mind, body and spirit. When I was having manic episodes my brain didn’t differentiate between fantasy and reality. The two worlds merged and I was in the middle. I feel “content creators” in this world have a responsibility for what they put into this world. Over time, if we look, there has been a lot of trash packaged for consumption that may be should have just been left to being a thought, a dream…. a nightmare. There are people like me that have had psychotic breaks and start talking to things like television sets!

Another thing I talked about along the line of content creation is motive. As a content creator what is my motive for my creation? Is it to make a lot of money? Garner attention and fame? Influence people? Why am I doing it? For me personally it’s for several reasons. Making the videos and writing this blog is very therapeutic. It helps me not be lonely for a little while. It’s also my hope when I’m doing these things that somebody will get something out of it. That something will resonate with them and they will be able to use it to help themselves of somebody else. My motives are pure. I’m not looking for money or fame from doing what I do. Honestly I don’t think that is Gods plan for me. In the past when money has come into play with crafts and stuff I’m doing it has tainted it….the purity is lost. Bottom line is as a person putting “stuff” into the atmosphere people live in it’s important to check your motives at the door!

28 December 2021 Tuesday

Hello to you. How are you? Hopefully staying warm! It’s a balmy 22 degrees here as I write to you. Winter is definitely here. I’m so grateful Link and I have a warm shelter. Even as we near 2022 there are people without affordable housing.

So I rousted myself with some Heilung and my little drum this morning. My little drum circle idea rose and fell this year. It’s ok. I don’t regret buying the drum. It gets lots of use.

https://youtu.be/64CACoHNBEI – Heilung Norupo

Thinking of hearth and home this chilly Tuesday!

“Primal beat of my drum and ancient calling, steam rises from my coffee…snow is falling. A warm hearth and home within my heart can be found. An echo of the beginning sound.”

As I sit here this morning I wonder where we are heading in this world. Where am I heading. Things are doing things…..I keep trying to stand still in time but it doesn’t work that way. How do I graciously embrace the inevitable? Lately I’ve been feeling like my mind is in an in between place. When I feel this way I don’t get to just live my life and move forward with it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the flow….that stream of existence where time doesn’t matter. Your doing what God put you here to do and that’s all you want to do! All you want to do is be in that “sweet spot” with God.

Sometimes when I’m writing I get the place I desire to be. It’s warm and safe. The words just flow and I don’t want it to end but it always does. I had these sort of feelings when I would sit outside in Texas and draw with chalk. I would sit outside for hours and just draw. I felt such a direct connection with God. What was nice is my drawings lasted until the rains came. Then I would have a fresh canvas. I used to draw spaceships that sailed off with the rains. Where I live now I don’t have a slab in the backyard to draw on. I just have a driveway in the front yard and I’m a little self conscious about doing my drawings there.

I believe God isn’t done with me yet. There is a reason I still exist. I have to remind myself that the reason(s) aren’t always big ones. One of my favorite Saints is Therese of Lisieux: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%A9r%C3%A8se_of_Lisieux and the reason is because of how she believed in serving God in little ways. Every time I smell roses I think of her. We each have a part in Gods play. Some are major parts and some are very small but they are all important. Sometimes we are destined to live the little way and have to find peace with that.

I hope something here resonated!

26 December 2021 Feelings

Check out 26 December 2021 Sunday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1244211250

Hello it’s me again. It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m feeling lonesome so I thought I would write to you again….hope you don’t mind.

Something happened with me and my Twitch channel and I feel really bad about it. I had a rant and it wasn’t subtle and I ended up hurting the feelings of someone I love and care about very much. I felt so bad that I had to delete the video. It was not the place to express what I expressed in such a brutal manner. If you knew the person I’m referring to, you would agree. They are the last person on earth that you would want to hurt! We have cleared the air but I still feel horrible about it! Ugh!! I feel like such a shit!

The subject matter at the core of this debacle is how I feel about “stuff.” Living in this tiny home means there is little space for extra things. Anything added to the limited surface space I have can look like clutter if there is too much of it. I prefer to receive gifts that are going to be used up and gone like soaps, lotions and food things. I didn’t buy gifts for anyone this year. Instead I bought bags of food for the local food pantry in my families honor.

I am not sure if the livestream lifestyle is my friend. Part of me wonders if it’s best left to content creators like musicians, magicians and artists. The reason I started using Twitch was to try and reach out and make a connection. There have been a couple sessions where I have had communication with people like I’m looking for but it’s rare. If you aren’t playing instruments, singing, playing video games or doing some sort of something people just don’t tune in. Something tells me not to give up just yet though. I have 12 followers and that’s pretty good for a channel like mine!

I have a couple more shirts I can paint just not sure if I want to do that today. It goes so fast! Some people when they are drawing and or painting they take their time. It doesn’t go that way with me. As soon as I decide to do it, whatever comes forth is the finished product. It’s like I have this notebook I have been drawing in and it’s almost full. Then I will have to get another one and have to find a place for the one I finished. The “stuff” monster rears it’s ugly head again – even in my art! May be that’s why people use food as their area of craft. Make a beautiful cake and it gets eaten – the byproduct goes into the toilets. You don’t have to feel guilty about it ending up in a landfill.

Every something that is tangible ends up somewhere. Thankfully this blog is just digital text but it still takes up space in a server and a server is a tangible thing. I have a friend who’s job it is to manage large servers…..even digital things…words…..taking up space in our tangible world! The other thing is it doesn’t really belong to me once I publish it. I should be saving my posts on an external hard drive but I don’t after what happened to the last one.

May be all of this explains why I’m still keeping and using towels that are nearly 30 years old. I use things until they fall apart. My first husband taught me about buying high quality stuff so you don’t have to replace it so often. Unfortunately we live in a world of products designed with planned obsolescence in mind. Some of the towels I received as gifts in years past are not holding up nearly as well as the older ones.

It’s hard for me to live in a material world at times. There are tubs of stuff that I have that I don’t know if I’ll ever get the courage to go through. I had hoped the gals I hired to organize my stuff would help me cull but they didn’t. They just put it in tubs and stacked it neatly – now it’s harder to get into. I need a disinterested party that specializes in what I have going on to come in and help me cull. I mean what do you do with boxes that once held your beloved pets ashes?! What do I do with Knick knacks that I have no cabinets to display them in?! If I set stuff out it has to be dusted. I don’t want to dust! Years and years of journals and drawing books….nobody is going to want my shit when I’m gone and that’s the harsh truth of this modern world. Everything has become so cheap that things that really should matter have little to no value.

The story of stuff goes back a long ways. I can remember when my first husband and I lived in an apartment in Fliessem Germany. All our stuff fit until Helga the landlady asked us to move out so her son and his new wife could live there. We ended up moving to a place up the street but it was smaller than the place we were living. I got overwhelmed. There is a picture of me sitting where we had to stack everything and I had been crying. There just wasn’t enough room. The house in Alvarado was the first time there was enough room for everything but I still had a problem with stuff. I liked Christmas gift exchanges with my parents the best. You told them what you wanted and that’s exactly what you got. It was always good quality stuff that we were going to use.

The story of stuff really opened my eyes to what our material world is doing to us and this planet: https://youtu.be/9GorqroigqM – after seeing it and seeing what The Ocean Cleanup project is encountering out in our oceans I really started to think about how I live. Like I said earlier everything we make and use has a life of its own. You can’t get something for nothing and it’s important to be responsible consumers.

20 December 2021 Family Party

Hello to you in your where and when. How are you? I am waking up slowly! Had to blast some Heilung this morning! I’m so grateful for the speaker from my friend. It syncs up with my phone so I can pull up my You tube play list and hear my tunes!

Well yesterday was really nice. We had the family Christmas party over at my Aunt and Uncles house. There were about 20 of us!! It’s a family tradition to get together. My Uncle, who lives in California, catered the meats and some Mac-n-cheese. I got to taste the jalapeño jelly we made earlier in the year and boy does it taste good with cream cheese on ritz crackers! We had a new baby in the mix ! Baby Cove. She is my cousin Heidi’s granddaughter. Very good baby who didn’t seem to mind being passed around and loved on. There were a lot of pictures taken. It was nice to have lots of grandchildren and great grandchildren together. I left before the gift exchange….it was starting to get dark and I have to worry about turning into a pumpkin!

My Auntie and me. It’s been one year now since I moved to Idaho!

The plan for Christmas Eve is Aunt and Uncle are going to pick me up and we are going to church together. We have gone to church before but never on Christmas Eve. It’s a very symbolic thing for us to do as my Mom died on Christmas Eve back in 1968. Auntie and I have never gone to a holiday service together so it will be special! A celebration of life!

I’m still trying to figure out, after all these years, what the holidays mean to me. I don’t know where my place is if that makes sense. I had a little family and we were starting to establish our own traditions and now it’s just Link and I. He had to stay home yesterday because there were too many people. I have trouble with gifts – giving and receiving them. That’s why I have been buying the bags of food at the grocery store for the food bank. I’m surrounded again by people who like to do the gift bit and I don’t quite fit in. I get overwhelmed by “stuff.” Since I live in a tiny house, anything extra can seem like clutter and it drives me nuts! Hopefully over time my family will begin to understand me.

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

14 December 2021 Sum of the Parts

Hello to you! How are you ? It’s a snowy, wet and gray morning. Had to listen to some Heilung this morning to get things started. I like to harmonize and play my drum with groups like them. No words, just sounds. Now I’m sitting here calm with my coffee. My friend texted me about coming to visit today ! I’m looking forward to seeing her!

Last nights Twitch stream was interesting . We talked a little bit about tattoos and I didn’t know this but there is a passage in the Bible that says you shouldn’t do it ! I hope God isn’t too mad at me for my Ichthys (Jesus Fish) and fading chameleon!

Leviticus 19:28New International Version

28 “‘Do not cut(A) your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.

My other viewer chose Revelation 21: 4 which I myself had highlighted as a favorite:

Revelation 21:4New International Version

4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes.(A)There will be no more death’[a](B) or mourning or crying or pain,(C) for the old order of things has passed away.”(D)

As things are coming together in my life lately – The music I listen to, my blog, my spirituality, communicating through Twitch I am seeing myself as many parts and pieces. What I do in my life is I try to see the good in all things. I think that is why I am so confusing to people I know. Most people pick one particular path and don’t see any other and I’m not like that. This is the problem with religions for me. Once you choose a path your discouraged from seeing anything else. I feel like this makes for narrow mindedness. The way I visualize things is we each have a key to this existence… to Gods house. That’s why I feel so close to God outside. All are welcome.

When I read the Bible I am in so much trouble! I have broken some of the Ten Commandments and have tattoos! Thankfully the God of my understanding loves me no matter what. He was there with me when I broke those commandments. He was there with me at the tattoo parlor. My God is with me however high or low. My God has kept up with the times we are in and isn’t into kicking people when they are already down.

I am the sum of many parts. God has made a planet sized home for us and each of us has our own set of keys. Everyone has a different messenger in which to hear their God. The beauty of our existence is that we are all so different! We are biologically incapable of perceiving this life in the same way. Wouldn’t life be so boring if we looked and thought exactly the same ?

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant