Yesterday evening Link and I took a walk and I remembered to take my phone. As I am getting more at home here I am spending more time getting to know the neighborhood trees.
Backyard tree Evening sun through branches Same tree with sunlight Walking with my dear friend Link Many in one treeAnother one of the Willow trees in our neighborhood Some pine
Some uplifting words. I want to fill myself with positive spirit food today. I knew I could count on Jesus for that! A light in so much darkness that surrounds us these days. I encourage you to temper all the bad news with uplifting things! Be conscious of who and what you are allowing to feed your soul.
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.(B) 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.(C) 5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.(D) 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.(E) 7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.(F) 8 Blessed are the pure in heart,(G) for they will see God.(H) 9 Blessed are the peacemakers,(I) for they will be called children of God.(J) 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,(K) for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.(L)
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you,(M)persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.(N)12 Rejoice and be glad,(O) because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.(P)
Hello to you. How are you? Link and I are doing ok. Last night we had a little drama here at the house. I had trimmed the matted hair around Links feet and got the brilliant idea to try and trim his nails. Bad move! Without having someone to hold him I just can’t do it by myself. So….doing extra laundry today to get blood out of it. Felt so bad!!!
On my Twitch Stream today we talked about what’s going on overseas right now. I have been focused on Putin and wanting God to deal with him. From the pictures I’ve seen of him lately he doesn’t look well physically like something is wrong. The Woman’s Spirit message was good but it provoked some questions. We are taught through religion and society to look outside of ourselves for completeness. Many of us as a result don’t know who we are! The Psalm 31 I read was just another crying out to God for help. Alot of the psalms are. Do we have free will or not? Why does it feel like the church of today I see seems to want us to have a codependent relationship with God? What has been coming to me lately is the importance of finding balance- to be able to discern where I am in the equation of having a healthy relationship with the God of my understanding. God may have all the answers but does seem to leave a lot for us to figure out on our own – through our own life experience. Like I said, I struggle with the mentality I see in religion. If we completely turn ourselves over to God where is the free will in that? Are we then nothing more than automatons? How are we to ever know who we truly are if we are always looking outward from ourselves for how to live this life? I think that finding balance is key.
Where do we find God? Outside? Inside? It seems like everywhere if I really think about who and what God is. I’ll never forget sitting with my Dad on my back porch in Texas. We were talking about God and we agreed that God is in everything. I think it’s our expectations that can get in the way of attaining balance in our relationship with the God of all. We put our expectations on how God answers our prayers and I know personally it’s those expectations that sometimes make me not see God is in fact answering prayers. Again it’s a balance between our inner and outer worlds – our spirituality…..our relationship with the God of our understanding.
What just came to me is thinking about prayers being answered like someone playing a strategy game. Many separate pieces have to move for an overall outcome to be achieved…. an ultimate goal to be reached. Just yesterday I saw a good analogy from Elevation Church “God sees the whole puzzle.” God invented the puzzle of this life and knows how all the pieces fit together.
Find balance in and outside yourself and don’t put expectations on your relationship with God – especially with prayers! Let God be God. These are things I am having to work on each day!
A Woman’s Spirit messages for today:
“Time and again I have searched for you, not knowing that it was me I needed to find.” -Betty MacDonald
“I will pay attention to who I am today. I will honor the whole of me. I know genuine happiness can be found only in this way.”
Hello to you. How is your day? I’m sitting here in the morning sunshine as I write to you. It’s about 41 degrees and just feels so good. I just got off the phone with my sweet cousin. I love it when she and I can talk in the morning. She is so positive – just starts the day off right! We talk about matters of the spirit, love and family…..the good stuff we are grateful for in this life. I hope you have someone like that in your life. We are cousins but dear friends too. Just trying to navigate this life together.
On the Twitch stream today what came forth was trains again. How hard it is when the train of sorrow, anxiety and worry gets on the track. Everyone knows how hard it is to stop a train once it is in motion. So what I’ve been working on is talking to the conductor! Telling the conductor by my thoughts and actions that I don’t like the direction the train is going. I want to go in a different direction or to get off the rails completely. I am having to practice this every day. The first place I am learning to turn to is God…”hey God do you think you can help me get through this day?”
It’s hard when your in the middle of things to sometimes have the presence of mind to be still and think clearly. It just takes a lot of practice! “What can I do about what is going on or what I am experiencing right now?” A lot of times the answer seems to be nothing. What I am trying to learn after I ask that question and get that answer is to accept I am powerless but I can talk to God about it. Your Higher Power is ever present and unchanging. So really we are never completely powerless it just can feel like we are.
When that train of whatever it is gets on the track- I have a choice if I want to stay on it. I have the ability to talk to the conductor. We can change course, slow the train down and eventually get off of it altogether. Like anything it just takes practice – everyday.
It’s important to stay in the present – I’m having to practice every day When are we going for our walk?!
“I have come to believe that all of my fears are false gods before me.” – Mary Casey (A Woman’s Spirit)
“Any fear I have today is of my choosing. Dwelling on God rather than on the fear will change every experience I have today.” (A Woman’s Spirit)
It’s so frustrating when you want something to work and it doesn’t really!
Hello to you. How are you? It’s Friday….we made it! The sun is shining – yay! It’s been a long week.
Well last night I took Doxepin for a test drive to see if it would help me sleep. I started with one capsule and didn’t feel anything. I took another one and that seemed to help for a short while. I still ended up taking a Hydroxyzine which helped for a couple hours. So frustrating. Apparently doctors don’t like to prescribe Seroquel which I’ve heard people use for sleep: Seroquel and other antipsychotics are particularly dangerous for elderly patients and can lead to aspiration pneumonia, which is a common cause of death in elderly patients. Seroquel also causes significant excessive weight gain, which can be a factor in the development of Type 2 Diabetes.
So Anyhew…..I will keep pressing forward and hope I get enough sleep! I must have slept last night because I had a dream about my dog Spot. She came to me and I was holding her and just crying. I miss her so much. The only way we get to be together is in dreams.
The stream this morning was ok. In the Woman’s Spirit book the message had to do with control. That resonated with me as a I dealt with that issue much of my life. I learned from a very early age the the only thing I really had control of was my body. That’s what the anorexia and bulemia battles were about. I didn’t feel I had control of my life so I took control of my body. What I have had to learn is the tighter you hold on to what you can’t control the more power you give to what you dont want to be happening. It’s hard to let go of feeling like you have to be in control. I was the kind of person at work that would try to do everything because I didn’t trust in the abilities of those around me to get the job done right. I burned myself out big time and obstructed the way for those around me to learn what they needed to learn.
The other part of the stream was psalm 18 – boy was that a long one! I didn’t like it very much because it seemed to be a warrior talking about a battle and God helping him fight it. I don’t like war. In my opinion no one wins a war really. I think of all my fellow veterans and how many of them suffer from PTSD. Even if they are on the “winning side” they still lose so much of themselves. You can’t unsee the horrors of war. You can talk to God, go to church, take medication, go to therapy, exercise and have a healthy diet and still be tormented by what you have been through. Time and distance from what torments seems to be what really helps. Layers of time to bury the past. It frustrates me that there is so much war in the Bible specially when one of the 10 Commandments is thou shall not kill!
“The more I force things, the tougher my life.” – Helen Neujahr (A Woman’s Spirit)
“I don’t need to control anyone today. I am not insecure just as long as I let my Higher Power take charge of my affairs.” (A Woman’s Spirit)
Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I’m trying to get myself grounded after the stream this morning. We had a troll get in the first go around! It happens. You just can’t let them ruin your day. After the third try we got it. I talked about some serious topics. One of them was about coping with loss. The way I used to deal with it was shopping but after our Sam died I realized there was nothing on this earth I wanted more than Sam! You can’t put tangible things in the space of the intangible. It’s like light in a black hole. That’s why it’s important to have a strong relationship with the God of your understanding…..spirituality.
The battle for sleep continues
The battle for sleep continues. I’m going through the Hydroxyzine like it’s nothing. I think needing to lose weight is what part of my problem is. So I’m going to try and do little things to be more active. Yesterday Link and I went on a longer walk into town. He was panting and my leg aches but we made it! I have some weights I can use – just do something! May be being more active would help with anxiety too.
A good little message from A Woman’s Spirit today:
“ I write my script today. Who I choose to be is in my power. My past performance doesn’t determine my present personality.”
Hello how are you? I hope this finds you well on this Saturday. The weeks are going by so fast aren’t they?!
Last night was fun. My Aunt came over and picked me up. She wanted to go out to eat with me someplace. We drove to Star which is a few miles down the road and were just going to eat at Dairy Queen but found a place called The Rustic Table instead! It turned out to be a really nice sit down restaurant! We decided to make it an early birthday treat and order some nice things on the menu! She had Halibut and I had filet mignon. The meal came with yummy garlic mashed potatoes and coleslaw. For dessert we shared some chocolate cake. It was just really nice to get out of the house and experience a new place with my Aunt!
My Aunt and I made a nice memory last night
I got some sleep last night but I’m having to go through a lot of Hydroxyzine to do it. My body is treating it like Benadryl. I will get a couple hours of hard sleep and then I wake up. I’m feeling pretty good this morning so it’s worth it !
My stream this morning was pretty short. Just had one viewer and she she doesn’t talk much! I talked a little bit about s book I’m trying to read about Energy vampires by Dorothy Harbour. I read a little bit about the different types of vampires there are. For some this might be a new concept of energy exchanges in relationships.
Hello to you. How are you? I got up early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. It feels like I didn’t sleep but I known I did! I can remember a dream I kept floating in and out of that had a tribal theme….David Bowie even peeped in. I am still not over this darn cold and this morning I was fretting about my Aunt. She’s scheduled to have knee surgery on the 11th and I’m nervous about it.
Link trying to figure me out this morning
This morning I talked to God and was like “We are going to need the big guns today!” There are days that are like that. Days that you know a power greater than yourself is needed. You just have to ask and be prepared for what unfolds next.
“All I ask of you is to lead me to the next door. It’s not about being rich or being poor. Don’t let me waste my time here in worry and strife. Help me Lord make the most of this life”
Hi. How are you? I’m feeling better but the damn thing is lingering mostly in my head. I’ve got booger brain lol! Yucky!!
“You’ve got what?!!!” How I feel today
This drawing today is a good illustration of how I’m feeling today. Let’s see what’s on my gratitude list…..the car has been running like a champ, Link and I are together, the house is in good shape, I have food, clothing and shelter, I have family and friends and we love each other. I’d say I’m doing pretty well!!
Sometimes if all you want to do is complain it’s best to shift all that power over to embracing what is going right in your life. Just find one thing your grateful for and run with it!! Hugs!
Hello. It’s still snowing. I went out and rearranged some of it and as I was I saw a male black and white Boston Terrier standing there. There was nothing I could really do other than report it on the Middleton Matters Group on Facebook. Turns out he was dumped out of a white van – they almost ran over him trying to leave him behind! If I didn’t have Link I would have done more. It reminds me of Alvarado. People used to dump their dogs all the time and Kyle and I would try and help. It doesn’t sound like Middleton has its own dedicated Animal Control Officer like Alvarado did.
I like spirals and imagining light at their center.
The shirt today is a little messier than yesterday. I like spirals of multiple colors. These designs are meant to be like large amulets that someone approaching you would look at instead of focusing so much on you. The idea is to make interactions with other people less draining . The designs are a distraction from the eyes. I will let this dry and see if I want to add more colors!
I’ve been writing more lately because it’s very therapeutic for me. It helps me feel less alone….especially on a day like today when I’m not going anywhere.
Just back from getting Link and myself around the block. It’s only 26 degrees out yet! I wasn’t sure if we would go. Cabin fever won out!
Today I asked God for their company as I was having trouble being alone. I’m grateful for Link but he doesn’t speak human! Well the first thing we did was venture into the dreaded spare room aka storage room. It’s that time of year to get ready for 2022 by clearing out old files. With everything that has been going on to largely include avoidance, I was a couple years behind. There is still more to do in there but I at least got a start. God was definitely with me on doing that!
What came next was a lot more fun. We decided to paint another shirt. What we have come up with so far has a real tie-dyed feel to it. I have to let things dry to see if I want to add more paint.
I enjoyed seeing bright colors today
Painting is very therapeutic but as I’ve mentioned before, the process goes so fast. Once I get started it’s already over! The same goes for when I draw something. As soon as the pen hits the paper I’m committed. No erasing…..Tadaaaaa!! Everything is a co-creation with God when it comes to my arts and crafts. When I overthink things is when I get something even a dumpster diver wouldn’t want. I have an attempt at painting Link that is horrible but I can’t bring myself to throw it out just yet. It doesn’t look like him at all!
Poor Link! This is one of my sad attempts at painting !
There is a process to the craft of painting – rules – and I’m terrible about following them. Soooo it’s better for me to do shapes and abstract concepts. I used to spend hours pencil drawing portraits but I find I just don’t have the patience for it now. We just change through time and so do our arts and crafts. As we age our vision and coordination changes making it so doing what we always did a little more difficult.
Anyhew…..thank you as always for taking time for me!
To be 